That morning was normal. You ate breakfast, took a swim in a creek, and walked around Ponyville. You had no intention, except to walk Sparky, but other than that, nothing. That is, until Rainbow Dash showed up.

"Yo Nash, you up for a challenge?" She asked. You had an idea where this was going.

"Hell yeah! So, what kind of challenge?" You asked.

"Cider drinking."

"Cider? You're kidding? How about something harder like... Everfree grain alcohol?" You heard that this stuff was one of the strongest alcoholic beverages in Equestria.

"Fuck yeah!" Challenge accepted. You two, and Sparky walked to the local bar.

6 Minutes Later...

"That was easier than I thought. This shit didn't even make me drunk." You were clearly the winner of the challenge. Apparently, the strongest alcoholic beverage in Equestria doesn't effect Humans as much as equines. It tasted good, but it was shit compared to the brews back on the island. Dash was passed out next to you, and twelve bottles of Everfree were sprawled out on the table. You pay for the drinks and you drag RD back to your place.

It had been two hours since the 'challenge', and she wasn't getting up. After drinking six bottles of that stuff, she was out cold. You were surprised the bartenders didn't stop her. It was about noon, so you decided to get something to eat from the fridge. To your luck, there was nothing except rotting meat.

Disgusting. You went outside to check the berry bushes to see if any amarberries were growing. None. There were two options; hunt again, or go to a local restaurant. You didn't feel like hunting, so you decided to go to Sugar cube Corner. Sparkle gave you 100 bits, which was their form of currency, so you were set to buy something. But first, you had to do something with skittles. Leaving her on Larry probably wasn't a good idea. You were just gonna drop her off at Sparkles place.

"Package for Twilight Sparkle!" you said. No one answered.

"Package!" Still no answer.

"PACKAGE!!!" Once again no answer.

"That son of a bitch. Stay here Sparky, I need to get something..." you put Rainbow down and walked home.

At home you, were about to get on El Diablo, but then you heard a familiar bah coming from the bushed next to you. You pulled out your bow and sneaked towards the bush. About half way to the bush you pulled the bow string back and let go. Another bah came from the bush, then the pony sized Pachycephalosaurus came charging at you. At full force the pachy rammed into your chest, knocking you about five feet from where you shot. You were able to put another shot into it, which was enough to knock it out.

"Perfect." you mumbled to yourself.

It had been about an hour since you knocked the Pachy out, and it was finally tamed and saddled up. Now it was time to bust the door down. The pachy was at full speed towards the Castle of Friendship. You braced for impact as the door came closer. Suddenly, the door shattered into pieces as the Pachycephalosaurus rammed through it. Surprisingly, all the shattered crystals didn't hit you or the dinosaur. You stopped the Pachy before it could do anymore damage to the castle.

"Package for... who the fuck is that?" A orange stallion with blue hair was legitimately in the middle of making out with out of Sparkle as you got off the pachy.

"Uh... a friend." she responded.

"Yeah right, 'friend'. Anyways, I was going to drop off Dash because she's wasted, but I can see you're busy. You sir," you begin. "Get out!"

"But I..." Flash began.

"No excuses! Get out!" you point to the door, or what was left of it, which was nothing. The stallion bowed his head down and slowly trotted out the... door.

"Nash, what was that for?" and thus the argument started.

"I knocked on the door for ten minutes! TEN! I had to take things into my own hands! You're lucky I didn't bring the Giganotosaurus!"

"You were going to bring him!? That would've destroyed the castle! Why are you so uncomfortable with the display of love and affection?"

"I'm not! I'm just slightly annoyed that you were having an affair for over an hour with that guy!"

"I wasn't having an affair with him! He just came over and we..."

"Fucked?"

"NO! We, just talked, romanced, and..."

"So you did fuck! You liar!"

"Can we just get to the point?"

"Whatever. I'm just gonna drop her off at Flutters place." and so you walked out of the castle and continued to Flutter's place with Sparky, the pachy, and a wasted Dash slung over the pachy's back.

"Flutters, you home?" a scream came from the inside the house.

"HELP! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!" Fluttershy screamed, even though her screams sounded like someone talking.

"Okay, I'm gonna bust the door open, okay?" you back up a few feet, then you charge with all your force. The door flies open, and you fall on your face. It was unlocked.

"What seems to be the... Sweet baby Jesus we're fucked." an army of Compsognathus were staring up at you. There were at least 100 of them. They began to run towards your direction.

"Oh hell no!" you whistled the pachy to follow and you picked up Sparky, and you began running for your life. The compy army flooded out of Flutters place. Looking back, you saw the door of her house swing shut. You were at the town already, and the compy's were following behind.

"I JUST WANTED TO EAT LUNCH!"

It had been thirty minutes since the chase started, and you had ran around the town five times. You had an idea, but you needed a house, a gas mask, and some narco grenades. You had the last two (you're prepared for everything), but you needed a house. You knew the perfect place.

"Hi Nashy! Why are wearing that thing over your face?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"No time to explain, just take this mask." you throw a mask towards her. She throws it back.

"No thanks, Nashy, I already have one!" you look over to see a pink gas mask over her head.

"Okay, that works. Just brace for a bunch of tiny dinosaurs running in here. Don't be surprised." just then, a flood of compys came into the Sugar Cube Corner. You pull a narco grenade out of your pocket. You pull the pin and throw it at the ground.

"GAS OUT!" you yell. The grenade explodes, and a green gas emits from it. The gas gradually fills the restaurant up. A few minutes later the gas begins to go away. When it is all gone, you see that all the compys are unconscious.

"Pinkie, I'll be right back. If any of them wake up, throw another one of these." you give her a gas grenade, then you walk out of the restaurant and run back to base camp."

You returned to the restaurant with a crap ton of prime meat jerky.

Taming all of these Compsognathus wouldn't take too long, since they were probably hungry. you thought. You began to tame these ankle biters. As you thought, it only took a few minutes to tame them all.

"My dino army is now 116 strong!" you cheerfully said. "Thanks for keeping these guys safe. Oh, and before I forget, can you take care of Dash? She got wasted pretty hard."

"No problem!" Pinkie joyfully said. You whistled all of them to follow you, and you began to walk home with an army of 116, not including the pachy and Sparky. At home, you only just realized that you didn't eat anything. You decided just to eat some leftover prime meat jerky. It was free, and it tasted good. Win win.

Author's Note

I'm dead for doing that part in the chapter...