Dear Princess ~~Pink Bitch~~ Mi Amore Cadenza

I hate you.

~~I hate you with all the fury of a thousand burning suns. The hate I have for you burns far stronger than that fat cow of a sun ruler’s passion for cake. It smolders in my heart with every waking moment, and the thought of your hopefully horrific and humiliating death makes me wetter than you can imagine.~~

But don’t get me wrong, it’s still so nice to talk with you, if only by letter. To be honest, I miss our old chats. Don't you remember, what with me being you and you stuck down in those caves with no food and little water for weeks. It truly was a wonderful personal time, and I feel we really bonded. Just like sisters. Which is why I was so hurt when you never even bothered to tell me you were pregnant! Why, if I hadn’t had you under constant 24/7 observation, I’d have never known at all.

I’ll admit, her birth as an Alicorn floored me. I’d always thought the whole “best of three races” thing had to be earned through some cutesy feat of friendship or love or, for the ponies that actually matter, through connections to the cosmos. So, you can imagine my surprise when you popped something with superpony strength and both the pointy bit and that ridiculous wing span out of you (By the way, how badly did she wreck you? I mean, you were probably already loose to begin with, being the Princess of Love and all, but geeze even I admit that had to be painful).

Still, my surprise probably isn’t for the reason you think. You see, Changelings have this nifty little thing known as the “Ancestral Record”. Basically, it’s the collective stored memory of all the previous changeling queens in my bloodline at my personal disposal. Normally, I don’t have all of them off the top of my head-don’t want to end up like Cousin Coco, after all, but I can and do explore them through deep mediation sessions. And, you want to know what I found, in thousands of years of Changeling memory?

Not. One. Alicorn. Birth.

Oh, not that there were many alicorns to begin with. But, of the three my ancestors encountered prior to Princess Cake and Lunatic, one did have foals, and guess what? They weren’t alicorns-a few Unicorns, a Pegasus or two and over a dozen Earth Ponies, but not a single pair of both wings and a horn on any of them (Incidentally, this Alicorn’s domain was fertility, so I’m honestly surprised she didn’t have more).

I’m sure you think I spend my days scheming revenge and ways to steal more love for my precious little lings, which, to be fair that does occupy a good chunk of my morning schedule, but I do have a more scientific, curious side and this discrepancy just couldn’t be ignored.

Fortunately, the answer was right in front of me the whole time.

Out of curiosity, did you know your husband is a stud? Like I mean, wow, a draw dropping, swooning stud if there ever was one. If herds were still a thing, mares would be ripping each other apart just to get at him. I mean, those flanks, that horn, those muscles, all on top of genetically perfect looks? Hubahuba, it’s really enough to make a mare weak in the knees. To pile it on yet further, he has a capacity for magic rarely seen in a generation, and let me tell you seeing him erect a city wide shield for days on end was enough to make me shudder in the most delightful ways.

You may be wondering where I’m going with this. First off, yes, he’s way too good for you. Sad, but true. Secondly, however, I think you need a lesson in Changeling biology.

First, all those changelings you saw in the invasion? Forget them. They’re infertile. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my precious little daughters, and fondly remember every adorable little egg but biologically they might as well be dead. But Queens and Princesses are a different matter entirely. See, in addition to being oviparous in regards to normal Changelings, we can be viviparous just like you ponies when we bear royalty, so we get to experience all the horrors and joys of motherhood (Out of curiosity, did your saliva get acidic enough to dissolve rock? I know mine did the first time). Secondly, considering the lack of males in Changeling society, we’ve got this nifty little ability to mate with males of other species, preferably equines but others are possible. More importantly, we like our chosen mates to be the best of the best, strong, powerful, handsome and so on.

If you haven’t gotten it by now, I was going to bang your husband.

Actually, now that I think about it, I’d still like to. The hate would make it a bit bitter, but all the more exciting, no?

Anyway, another little thing we Queens like to do with our chosen studmuffins, especially fine catches like Shining Armor, is regularly inject them with a bit of our venom. What, did you think our fangs were for show? Besides making them much more palatable without having to resort to hypnosis every five minutes, it changes them on the inside, modifying them to be a bit more, shall we say, compatible with their mistress. It also makes impregnation a lot easier. Not really sure how, but it begins with magic and ends with DNA. Something like that.

The whole point of this is I had taken Shining up to the final stage of this process. If my invasion had gone as planned, Shining would have given me one happy ending after another all night long while the rest of my lings and daughters celebrated their plots off with all the love they could eat and those wonderful little martinis with umbrellas. Yum.

...

Of course, that didn’t happen. Twilight found you, there was a big battle, and you blew us away with the power of love. Blah, blah, blah. But, the process was complete, and he was-still is in fact-primed and ready for any Changeling maidens or sexy queens who come his way. Kind of romantic, really: even though we were separated by Fate, a part of me will always be with him, and, by extension, you.

Then he pumped a baby in you and out popped an Alicorn.

While the Ancestral Record doesn’t say a whole lot about our chosen mates’ lives outside the hive, I do know a few stallions who somehow escaped and went on to parenthood typically had normal pony foals, but the changeling nature did show up a bit, usually in special talents related to illusion. But none of them had ever been with an Alicorn. So, it’s easy to conclude your nature as an Alicorn, combined with my improvements on Shining’s DNA, led to that abomination you call a daughter.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering what the point of this letter was, and what my true goal is here. Well, it’s simple really.

Technically, we’re related now. You, me, Studmuffin, and Flurry Heart are all one big happy family now. Isn't that fun?

Hard to say what, exactly, Flurry Heart is to me, though. Guess the closest pony term you have for her would be that she can be considered my niece. Kind of nice really. I never thought I’d get be an aunt, considering my sisters thought murder was a good solution to the succession crisis.

Now that I think about it, as an aunt, I’ll have to pay her a visit sometime. I think I’ll let it be a surprise: ponies love surprises, right?

Sorry, I went a bit scatterbrained there. Bit of a symptom of malnutrition, you see, what with how thoroughly you obliterated the Hive’s hopes and dreams. Let's not forget the changelings-my precious, beloved daughters- who were indoors when your little spell went off and are never going to have any hopes or dreams ever ever again. But I try not to let that bother me or else I'd be consumed with unholy rage every second of every waking day.

That'd just be unhealthy, wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, I just thought I’d let you know all this,you know get it all out of my system, like any good sister would.

Sleep well.

Your dearest sister in all but blood,

High Queen Chrysalis

P.S. Hey, do you think I can be the cool aunt while you be the miserable old hag who never lets Flurry Heart have any fun and dies of food poisoning half way into the act so the true heroine can be with her love interest Studmuffin and adopt Flurry Heart as a daughter? Not asking for major commitment right now, but it’s just a thought.

Oh, and if you're wondering how this letter got on your nightstand, don't worry too much. By the time you've finished reading this, the changeling who left it is long gone. The maid she impersonated will probably wander back into the Crystal Empire after awhile. Or not. These Crystal Ponies honestly aren't all that bright.

Author's Note

Well, that happened.

Originally started writing this shortly after the Crystalling. Decided that version with Twilight learning a completely different fact about Flurry Heart was crap, changed settings with another new character-a doctor and a nurse, decided that was crap, and then somehow Chrysalis showed up with this friendly little letter. I honestly don't know if everything in it is a lie or she's telling the absolute truth.

Not really sure if I got Chrysalis personality quite right down right here, but there's a lot of interpretation open in her character considering her limited appearance in the series, so I'm tentatively hopeful. Was a lot of fun to write though.

As always any feedback and constructive criticism is welcome. They're the only way I'll ever learn from my own mistakes and grow as a writer, after all. Flames will be used to roast delicious marshmallows.