Daring Do and the War of Worlds

0-02: At Last I See The Light, And It Felt Like My Brain Was Missing

To my disappointment, I came back to consciousness in a hospital, my body filled with pain of every describable type. If my jaw wasn't broken and unhinged I would've begged any divine or higher power whom I haven't destroyed the temple of to kill me right then and there. And for a second there it seemed that my prayers were fulfilled, as Princess Luna bursted into the room I was in, decked in full battle regalia. Immediately afterwards, I realized that she had a worried expression and cute teary eyes, and all bets were off.

Miss MoonButt McAlicorn expressed her concerns via telepathy, and I tried to force smile and get her to stop adding her sorrow and stress to mine, but once again my lower jaw felt like an alien object shoved into my mouth. To be fair though, she pointed out the thing that hurt me the most in that entire fight that almost resulted in my premature end. She probably experienced something similar in her brief but eventful mangaka career, and we always felt each other deeply when it comes to completely not relatable indie author problems.

I mentally chuckled, reply to the Princess in a casual manner. Truth to be told, I have a very personal relationship with the Princesses, being the Official Magical Artifact Retriever Of Equestria and all. And yes, that is the full name of my job. "Adventurer" is not a real career but something other authors made up to make the idea of putting your ass on the line day and night for something that's not even remotely your problem sound more appealing to gullible youngsters such as Filly Me.

Anyways, Luna seemed pleased of my response, and then took out a scroll from her saddle-bag. That's when I nearly died out of annoyance alone. It's not just any scroll she took out, but it's the "Emotionless Official Legal Business Scroll". Those things are the motherfucking bane of my existence, because my work requires a lot of freedom and time, since it mostly involves me tapping into ancient powers nopony is meant to ever touch again let along control, and the Princesses usually understand this. However, Princess Sunbutt, being the smart cookie that she is, set up a convoluted system of political checks and balances so that Equestria can run on auto-pilot if anything happened to her, and it just so happens that this new artificial government system was built with the critical design flaw known as a paranoid desire to monitor and control everything that goes on everywhere. That means endless "Official Scrolls" and "Official Visits" rushing me to turn ancient sacred idols into weapons of mass destruction. Celestia had realized that she made the critical mistake of turning on something that she can never turn off without a total bloodbath, but it's too late already and now she lost a massive chunk of control to her own country. But I know if you'd rather read about somepony complaining how corrupt the nature of Equestria's government is while also pointing out major benefits of that system at the same time, you'd be reading a different series of stories all together, so all that you need to know right now is that Fancy Official Scrolls equal bad news for me. Now, bear with me and let's find out what Moonbutt's Scroll has to say.

"Now, Daring, while I do understand the fact that you literally just woke up and has about 30 broken bones, I need to attend to a crisis, as you've probably witnessed already, so I can't exactly stay here. However, this Royal Order here needs to be read before I go. I know how much you hate these, but it's my sister's idea this time, so hopefully it's not as bad as usual." Luna disabled our mental link and explained to me verbally, skimming through her Scroll, "Ah, yes. A.K. Yearling of Baltimare, based on your skills in magical artifact pacification and knowledge in exotic creatures, you have been selected as part of a collective effort to reform a hijacked Changeling biological super weapon before it destroys our land and everything we care about. Thank you for your contributions." Luna read aloud in her "Canterlot Voice", and it took me a long moment to process what I just heard. So long, in fact, that I passed out again.