Twilight Sparkle was very annoyed, because the library in her tree castle buy our toys thing was currently very loud. This was because multiple ponies had decided that holding a party there would be a good idea.
Sriracha sauce had been mixed with fireball whiskey. Pinkie Pie loved this and downed 20 shots of this concoction. It was called dinosaur megaraptor saliva. Party favor had come up with the name. Pinkie was quite sloshed at the moment. However, the other ponies thought it was deplorable, and would be throwing up all over the library floor but ponies can't throw up.
It was Spike's eighteenth birthday, and Pinkie had hired a mariachi cover band. They were doing mariachi covers of Evanescence. It was very odd, but Forsythia thought it was bomb. She was a background pony or something.
The potato salad was pretty good, however, it had too much sour cream in it and as a result was kind of sloshy. But Photo Finish ate like a third of it and got a stomach ache from eating too much but it wasn't all bad because she felt inspired to do a new photo shoot the next day.
King Sombra had been in charge of bringing tinsel, however, he was unable to bring it on account of being very very dead, except in the IDW comics where he reunited several villains but that series kind of sucked so the author hasn't bought it.
Lyra had brought a glaive, which is a really metal looking sword, because she likes humans and humans like stabbing people with swords. However, security at Twilight's castle had stopped her from entering with it in case she tried to stab the princess or something. Applejack would have been fine for stabbing however because she is a back ground pony. Swift Sentry and White Flag were guards who were running security. They weren't very good at it, but neither was Lyra at smuggling swords into parties, so it all worked out.
Sunset came back through the mirror and brought sour strawberry-flavored cookies. They were totes magoats great, to the point that inspired a total war between Discord and The Dude Pony who showed up in the bowling ally fighting over the last cookie.
Miss Lovingcup Harshwhinny was the pony in charge of strip tease. Many many ponies of both and all genders were very interested in this. However, since ponies don't normally wear clothes, she had to dress up first in order to take clothes off, and she dressed up as a sailor gypsy. Spike felt things he hadn't felt before except for Rarity and Princess Ember. He dissappeared to his room for fifteen minutes in the middle of the party.
The mariachi band launched into a medley of Justin Beiber's "Baby" and Rebecca Black's "Friday." Applejack was very offended by this medley, because they weren't country enough. Also because those songs suck and she has standards. She only listens to Indie Reggae Brayzillian Opera. Bray, as in the sound a donkey makes. So she took out her hurdey gurdey and started playing "Three Wishes: The Cutie Mark Crusaders Before They Changed the World", which is a really good song, but you probably haven't heard it, you plep.
Berry Punch had brought alcohol, and her favorite blend, "Sexy Moist Tequila Rum", which 163 Proof, which means it is 81.5 percent alcohol. Tree hugger brought several strains of weed, including "Red Crush", and "Broken Llama". Fluttershy took 37 hits and started dancing quietly and ostentatiously.
For food, the appetizer was a chartreuse and mauve Pie. That's a pun. They had desert first because Pinkie Pie was in charge of this party and Pinkie Pie has kind of broken priorities. The salad had parsnips, broccoli, artichoke, and avacado, as well as electric pineapple, which shockingly is not unlike a zap apple. The main course was Tofu that tasted like manticore but looked like a sheep. Many felt this to be in poor taste, none more so than Mayor Mare, who had recently joined PETA (Ponies for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). Fortunately, no one cared. Rarity choked on an avocado, and Rainbow Dash had to perform the Heimlich maneuver, which somehow turned into homoerotic wrestling. Oops.
After Rarity had recovered, it was time for her to give a toast in honor of Spikes 18th birthday. She started by talking about how much March Gustysnows meant to her and had encouraged her exploration of winter coats. Everypony was kind of confused regarding what this had to do with anything, but then she steered into a vignette about how when Spike was sixteen, Rarity accidentally walked in on him slapping appendix with the severed hoof of a changeling. That was very awkward, both for Rarity in that original incident, and for the guests of the party in her subsequent retelling of it. Finally, she spoke of how much spike meant to her, and how it always made her feel bewilderment and passion with the heat of a thousand suns, except only as a friend, because she really wanted to get with Cadance, but alas, that was for naught. Everyone was feeling pretty uncomfortable by then, but they were distracted when a wall exploded!
In barged the Mane-iac and Trixie! "Bwahaahaha!" they shouted in unison. "Now we will steal all the crepuscular flan and sell it at an upmarked price at Trottingham's next My Tiny Lizard Convention! Cower before us in fear!"
But Flash Sentry saved the day when he threw a stink bomb into the building's air conditioning unit. It smelled like 700-nanosecond-old hooves mixed with rotten meat and moldy cheese. Everypony ran out of the room holding their nostrils, but since ponies run on all four legs, many tripped while falling. Princess Twilight tripped and accidentally drove her alicorn horn into the ear of Silver Quill. It hurt a lot.
"Ouch!" he screamed!
"Oh, no!" said Twilight, contemptuously. "Did I penetrate you?"
"Just the tip."
Author's Note
I'm so so so not sorry at all. Everyone who contributed to this was either drunk, or messed up, or just had no shame.
