Mythic Rule 63

Butterscotch swept, vigorously. All the food bits. All the animal dander. All the everything. All of it was getting swept. All the dust bunnies and grime and filth and muck (not that there was very much of that last thing). All gone. Dust lifted up off the ground in small plumes, taking flight into the air and sticking into the bristles of the broom.

The butter-colored pegasus was in a hurry. The guys were all coming over. All of them.

He had forgotten. How could he have forgotten? He was so stupid.

Dusk Shine had wanted the lot of them to do something as a group, a while ago. Elusive had none-too-subtly recommended poker. They hadn't all played poker before, and their first time was tonight.

Tonight! Oh, stupid Butterscotch! They'll be here soon, and you haven't done anything! Why does it have to be here, of all places? I'm not ready!

But he remembered why it had to be his place. He knew why it had to be here. The last time they had gotten together had been for board games, some time ago, at Elusive's. Applejack and Rainbow Blitz had gotten trashed.

And rowdy. Very rowdy. And loud. Butterscotch hadn't liked it, one bit. Chaos had broken out. The piece de resistance had come when the police came banging on the door at two in the morning. All because of AJ and Blitz.

Butterscotch stuck out his tongue. What an awful night. This would be better. They would be in a cottage, in the middle of nowhere on the edge of the forest. No ponies to disturb. Everypony (and by everypony, he meant AJ and Blitz) could get as loud as they wanted without disturbing anypony. The noise would still bother him somewhat, but at least there wouldn't be any police ponies this time. None of that.

So, the yellow pegasus swept the floor and mopped it. Then he ran to his kitchen and scrounged up as much snack food as he could manage. The guys were supposed to be bringing their own, but he still wanted to be a good host. Being a good host was important to him. He didn't get many visitors, but when he did-

There was a knock on the door.

He squealed, popping open a bag of chips too hard and allowing the contents to explode into the air like a bomb. The chips went everywhere, and Butterscotch started hyperventilating, getting down on his knees and trying to pick up as many of them as he could.

There was another knock.

"B-be there in a second!" he screamed.

Oh, Butterscotch. You're so clumsy!

Another knock.

Butterscotch gave up and flew over to the door and unlocked it (he always kept his doors locked), throwing it open. Two of his friends stood there.

"Hey, Butterscotch," said Dusk Shine, excitedly. He was wearing a poker visor and holding some chairs.

"O-oh. Hi, Dusk Shine," said the pegasus, meekly, "Come on in, guys..."

They filed in, moving into the living room. Dusk Shine began setting up the chairs, saying, "Wow, guys! I'm really excited about this! I've never played poker before, but I spent all day reading about the rules and how to play. I'm so excited!"

"Darling! Your chattel is looking absolutely sparkling," beamed the flamboyant Elusive, sporting the same poker visor as Dusk Shine, "Have you done something new with it?"

Butterscotch shook his head, saying, "N-no. It's...still the same."

Elusive set the table up as Dusk Shine went outside to get more chairs. The white unicorn said, "Well, my dear. It looks wonderful. I am certainly pleased that we are using this locale for our game..."

Butterscotch said, "Yes. Me, too. I-"

"As opposed to my place. Or anyplace located near civilization," said Elusive.

"Well...thanks," said Butterscotch, blushing, "I...uh...try?"

Dusk Shine came back inside with more chairs. Enough for all of them. He was still babbling on to no one in particular, saying, "So it's one pair, two pair, three-of-a-kind, flush, straight, four-of-a-kind, straight flush. Right? I think that's how it goes. I spent all day reading about it, and I practiced shuffling, but I'm not very good at it. Shuffling's hard. I don't see how the dealers in Los Pegasus do it. Whenever I try, the cards just fly everywhere, but I'm eager to practice more, you know? I am just so excited about all of this! I love trying new things and new games! This is all going to be so very much-"

"Yes, darling," said Elusive, laughing awkwardly and cutting him off, "It's going to be very fun. Now, be a dear and help poor Butterscotch bring everything in from the kitchen."

"Yeah," said Dusk Shine, "That sounds like a great idea!"

So, Dusk Shine went into the kitchen, where his friend was, still rambling about poker and saying as much as his lungs would allow him.

Elusive sat down at the table, breathing a sigh of relief and enjoying the relative peace as he pulled out a deck of cards. Giving them a few shuffles, he hummed to himself, listening to Dusk Shine's soft babbling from the kitchen.

This was going to be great. He was quite the card shark, if he dared think so himself. Before he met all the guys, he would regularly go carousing bars and the such, playing as many games as he could get his hooves on (he even played online, sometimes). It was a fun game, and Elusive normally won.

A question suddenly popped into his head. They were playing for bits, right?

There was a knock on the door. Dusk Shine's voice still carried from in the kitchen with Butterscotch, still yammering on about whatever. Elusive figured they hadn't heard the knock, and he went to answer the door.

Before it was opened even as far as a crack, Bubble Berry burst into the room.

"Hey, Elusive," he said, loudly, "Isn't this exciting! It's going to be funny-fun-fun! I've never played poker before with you guys! I'm so excited."

Elusive rolled his eyes a tad. Berry was starting to sound like Dusk Shine.

He said, "Why, darling, have you ever played before?"

Berry shook his head, vigorously. He said, "Yep! Uh-huh! All the time!"

Elusive arched an eyebrow, incredulously. He said, "You have?"

"Yep," said the pink pony, hauling in enormous bags of candy and tossing them onto the table, "Every day!"

Elusive was taken aback. He couldn't believe that. He said, "Every...day? Whomever with?"

Bubble Berry let out a big childish cackle of laughter and said, "Online, silly! I play online, every day! I have a lot of bits saved up!"

Elusive went and sat back down at the table. He said, "How many bits?"

Berry rubbed his chin, over-dramatically, and he said, "Uh...A few thousand, I think?"

The fashioneur's jaw dropped. He said, "A few thousand? Really?"

"Yep! Uh-huh!"

"How?"

"I don't know," said Bubble Berry, "I just play! It's fun! You know I like games, silly-head!"

Elusive said, nothing. He just thought about it, shuffling the deck more.

Berry seated himself at the table. He said, "So where is everypony?"

Elusive shrugged, saying, "Butterscotch and Dusk Shine are in the kitchen. Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dum haven't shown up, yet."

"Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dum," said Berry, laughing, "Don't you mean Applejack and Rainbow Blitz. That's not their names, Elusive!"

Elusive said nothing at first, then he said, "Yes, Berry. Yes. I meant AJ and Blitz."

That's when Dusk Shine and Butterscotch entered the room, bearing several plates and bowls, all with food in them. They placed them on the table and took their seats.

"Hey, Berry," said Dusk Shine.

"Hi, guys," yelled the pink pony, "Isn't this exciting!"

"It sure is," said the purple unicorn, "Did I tell you? I've been reading all day about-"

"Yes yes, Dusk Shine. I think you may have mentioned it sometime," said Elusive, cutting him off.

"Wh-where is Applejack and Rainbow," said Butterscotch.

"Not here yet, obviously," said Elusive, still shuffling the cards, "For Rainbow to be the fastest flyer in Equestria, he sure isn't ever on-time for anything."

And that's when another knock came upon the door. Butterscotch went to answer the door. As soon as the door was open, Applejack and Rainbow Blitz burst in, carrying various items and talking loudly.

"Sorry, fellas, about being late. Applejack was just being an asshole," said Rainbow Blitz.

"I was not being an asshole, fuckhead," he said nastily, defending himself, "I couldn't find my fucking lighter. I didn't know that was a sin."

"You could have just bought another one," said Rainbow, still digging into his friend, "I don't know why you like that damned thing so much. It's just a lighter."

"No, fuck you, dude," said AJ, "It's special to me! I love that thing! Don't you talk shit about my lighter."

The pair went to the table, still squabbling and trash-talking each other. Dusk Shine giggled, finding it humorous. Elusive found very little humorous, and he just went back to shuffling his deck. Applejack put a big box of beer on the ground, next to himself, throwing his smaller items onto the table. Rainbow did the same thing, but with a little six-pack. Everypony sat back down at the table, and the shit-talking started right back up again.

"Rainbow, I can't believe you wasted that many bits on that shit," said AJ.

Rainbow's eyes narrowed, and he said, "Dude! That's not my fault. I didn't know that fucking store was charging a leg and a hoof for a fucking six-pack."

"No, I'm bitching because it's shit beer, and you shouldn't be wasting your money on it," retorted the cowpony.

"Dude, pull that stick out of your ass. I know it's up there deep, and it'll take you a while, but I know you can manage," said Rainbow.

"Fuck you, dude," said AJ.

"What? Not everypony likes to pay four jillion bits for some fucking beer. Some people like cheap shit. Stop crawling up my ass about it, asshole," said Rainbow.

"Fine fine, whatever," said the earth pony, "Let's just play some fucking cards. I have a finite amount of time before-"

"You get too borked to play right," said Elusive calmly, joining in on the fighting.

Applejack just shot him an ugly look at picked a cigarette out of his pack. He lit it, taking a deep drag and saying, "Not you, too. Just deal the fucking cards."

Butterscotch immediately realized that he had forgotten to open the windows. Jumping up out of his seat, he ran all about the room, hurriedly opening up every window that he could.

Dusk Shine noticed this and looked at AJ, saying, "You know, AJ. Maybe you shouldn't smoke in here. Or, at least ask permission first. This IS Butterscotch's house."

AJ looked at Dusk Shine, his lit cigarette still hanging out of his mouth. He said, "Nah. Nonsense. He doesn't mind, do you, Butters?"

Butterscotch took his seat back at the table, huffing from the effort. He blushed slightly as everypony's attention came back onto him. He sank in his seat. It did bother him, but he wasn't going to say anything. He just laughed nervously, saying, "No...Of course not...I don't mind. The smell will...come out."

Rainbow said to AJ, "Dude. Your room smells like an ashtray."

AJ frowned, saying, "Fuck you dude. No, it doesn't."

Rainbow laughed loudly, saying, "Do you ever go in there?! It smells like volcano's ass-crack!"

Butterscotch moaned a little. He didn't want his living room to smell like an ashtray.

AJ said, "It's fine. It's just one night." He turned to their host and said, graciously, "Thank you, Butterscotch, for letting us play at your place, this time. I am very grateful."

Berry chimed in, saying, "Yeah! That's because Elusive won't let you smoke at his place, and Grandpa Smith goes to bed real early!"

AJ shot him a look, and Elusive just said, smiling, "I assuredly will not allow him to do any such thing in my parlor. No filthy habits like that in my home."

The orange earth pony rolled his eyes and make a noise, cracking open a beer. He said, "Whatever guys. Fuck you. Elusive, just deal the fucking cards."

Elusive smiled, getting a rise out of his friend. He said, "Don't worry. I will. I like free money."

"Free money, my ass," said AJ, "If, and I do mean if, you manage to claw these bits out of my hoof, then you're going to have to bust your ass for it."

There was silence, for a few moments. Elusive just kept shuffling. AJ's smoke drifted lazily into the air. There was a hiss as Rainbow opened up his own beer. The trash and bottle caps just stayed on the table. Dusk Shine and Butterscotch sipped on some hot cocoa that they had made in the kitchen. Berry wasn't drinking anything. He was just shoveling hooffuls of candy into his mouth and munching them loudly, with lots of 'mmm's and 'yum's.

After everything had calmed down after a few minutes, Elusive said, "So, everypony knows how to play?"

Dusk Shine took in a deep breath and said, "Yes! I've been reading all morning-"

"Yes, yes," said Elusive, "I think everypony does know how to play. Now, does everypony have their bits?"

Butterscotch squirmed in his seat. He didn't have a lot of money to waste. He said, "We...we're playing for money? Why?"

Berry said, "That's just how poker's played, silly! Didn't you know that?"

The yellow pegasus said, "For money?"

"How else did you think we were going to play," said Elusive.

"For...fun? I didn't know money was involved. Won't that make it...well...not-fun?" asked Butterscotch.

Berry shook his head, saying, "Nope! You always play for money. That's what makes it fun and exciting!"

Butterscotch said, "Oh. Okay. That's...fine, I guess."

Elusive looked at him and said, "So do you have the money for it, Butterscotch?"

Everypony stared at him. He blushed, deeply, sinking into his seat. He said, "Well, I...uh-"

"Hell," said AJ, cutting into the conversation, "I'm feeling a might bit neighbor-like, today. I'll spot it for you, Butters."

Butterscotch smiled, sitting back up again. What a relief. He said, "Th-thank you, Applejack."

The cowpony just winked, scratching his head and moving his hat, saying, "No problem, partner. We're just here to have a good time."

"Well," said Elusive, "All of you good fellows 'pony up,' as it were."

Everypony put their bits on the table, with AJ putting double the amount up. Elusive collected it all and put it into a case. Out of the same case, he pulled out a bunch of poker chips, giving everyone a few stacks of different-colored ones.

He said, "Now, everypony. The denominations are one, two, five, and ten. Blinds start at one and two, and they'll go up every twenty minutes."

Dusk Shine smiled brightly, rubbing his hooves together. He felt like he was in an actual casino, with all of the lingo going around. He understood absolutely all of it, and that thrilled him to no end.

"Wh-what's a blind," said Butterscotch timidly, feeling like an idiot.

"Some money everypony has to put up, before the cards are dealt. To make sure there's always money in the pot," explained Rainbow Blitz.

"Ah...I...understand," said the yellow pegasus.

"I'll deal first," said Elusive. Rainbow and AJ put some chips in.

Then the playing commenced. Everypony was mostly silent, for now. Dusk Shine tried to put on his best poker face. Butterscotch had no idea what he was doing and didn't try. Berry had the worst poker face, ever, and he did not hide this fact. The other three stayed calm and reserved.

A few hands were dealt, with nopony in particular winning or losing. It was just a nice friendly game. That was, until Berry won the first big pot with a full house.

"Bullshit!" screamed AJ, putting out his cigarette into an ash tray, "You pulled that shit out of your ass!"

Berry just laughed, saying, "No, silly! They didn't come out of my butt! Elusive dealt them to me!"

"Maybe if you didn't always bet when you had nothing, you wouldn't lose," said Rainbow.

AJ lit another and glared at his friend, saying, "Piss off, asshole. I know what I'm doing."

Rainbow looked at his friend's dwindling pile of chips and laughed, saying, "Your chips say otherwise. You have the least at the table, Jackass."

AJ frowned, saying, "I'm just down on my luck, is all. Mind your own damned business, asshole."

Butterscotch looked at his chips and said, "Am I doing well?"

Rainbow said, "Better than AJ."

"Fuck you," said the cowpony.

Elusive smiled and said, calmly, "Yes, Butterscotch. You're doing fine, for your first game. I wouldn't worry about it, darling."

Berry said, "I'm doing well!"

Dusk Shine assessed his situation and munched on some chips, saying, "I could be doing better, I think, but I'm not worried about it. I read in my book that-"

Rainbow laughed, saying, "You read a book on how to play poker?!"

Elusive rolled his eyes. Oh boy. Here he goes, now.

Dusk Shine inhaled deeply and said, "Yes! There were a few in the library, and I read a couple last night and this morning! I know all of the rules, and I got a few general pointers on how to-"

"That is very interesting, Dusk Shine! I am very happy that you shared your story with us," said Elusive, interrupting him.

Rainbow said, "Aw, get off of him, Elusive. I would love to know what kinds of 'pointers' a book would have to tell him."

Dusk Shine smiled, saying, "Well, it said-"

"The only way to learn is to play," said AJ, "That's the only way you'll get good. Not by reading some stuff out of a book."

Dusk Shine frowned, saying, "Well, I-"

Elusive cut him off, saying, "Well, good fellows. Time for the next hand," and he tossed out some cards.

The purple unicorn went silent, as did the whole table, and they played another hand.

As the hand was wrapping up, Berry said, "So, did any of you guys see Ruby Shores in that concert, yesterday."

Butterscotch smiled, saying, "I like Ruby Shores."

AJ said, "Nah. Not my kind of music."

"Of course not," said Rainbow, "You listen to that 'country' shit."

This immediately got a rise out of AJ, who said, "It ain't 'shit,' asshole! It's great stuff!"

"Great, my ass," said Rainbow, smiling, "But yeah, I watched her, but not for the music."

Dusk Shine said, "So...if you didn't watch her music, then why did you watch it?"

Rainbow wiggled his eyebrows, a stupid smirk plastering his face, and he said, "Oh, you know why."

The purple unicorn's eyes flitted back and forth. He gulped, saying, "Uh...no. I...uh...I really don't."

Rainbow's stupid smirk vanished, his eyebrows furling. He said, "Dude! She's totally hot!"

Dusk Shine said, "Oh. Well, I-"

Elusive chortled, putting down his cards and looking at his rainbow-colored friend, saying, "Rainbow, dearest darling. You are aware of her age, right?"

The blue pegasus arched an eyebrow, saying, "Yes? Duh? She's like...our age or something. Maybe a little older."

Elusive let out a loud laugh, saying, "No, darling. She is not 'like...our age.' Ms. Ruby Shores is in her forties. She has two foals and is divorced."

Rainbow immediately stuck out his tongue, saying, "What dude? For real? Sick!"

Berry chimed in, saying, "What's so sick about it?"

The blue pegasus looked at him, curiously. He said, "What the fuck, dude? She's like forty. A mom. With kids. Two kids. It's gotta be like throwing a ham down a hallway, by this point."

Bubble Berry laughed, choking down some fun dip straight out of the pack. He said, "What's wrong with moms?"

Rainbow's eyes went screwy, and he looked at his pink with a look of disgust, saying, "Dude. What the fuck? They're...moms. That's what's wrong with them."

Berry said, simply, "I love moms."

The entire room went silent at the revelation. Nopony said anything. The only noise that could be heard was Applejack sipping from his beer.

"Well," said Elusive, picking his cards back up, "That's enough of that. Let's just play-"

"Don't you like milfs, Elusive? I thought everypony did," said Bubble Berry, egging him on.

"No, Berry," said the fashioneur, "I can't say I-"

"What's a 'milf,'" said Dusk Shine, not knowing.

Berry smiled and turned to his friend, saying, "It's simple! A mother I'd like to-"

"Enough!" screamed Elusive, "That's enough! Let's just play some poker! We're not here to talk about mothers. We are here to play cards."

There was silence again, as everypony picked their cards back up and resumed the game.

"Fuck," said Bubble Berry, finishing his sentence.

Elusive growled, slamming his cards on the table. He said, "For Solaris's sake! That's enough! We will immediately cease discussion of this particular topic of conversation."

There was silence again, as Elusive huffed. He picked his cards back up and looked at them, a frown smearing his face.

Rainbow suddenly said, "And why are YOU trying to change the conversation so badly? Hiding something?"

Elusive said, calmly, "No, dear. I have nothing to hide. I just refuse to participate in such a vulgar and barbaric conversation. We are not grade-school fillies. This is not an appropriate conversation for mature adults."

"Hell, I love vulgarity," said Rainbow, excitedly.

Elusive said, "I am aware, Rainbow Blitz. It's just that I-"

"Elusive has a hot mom," said Berry, interjecting himself deep into the conversation again.

The whole table erupted into laughter, except for Elusive, who's face turned a crimson red. He slammed his cards on the table again and said, "Bubble Berry! How dare you! I don't have a-"

"So you think she's ugly," asked the pink pony, innocently.

"No! My mother is not ugly," retorted the white unicorn, "I just no longer wish to continue this line of-"

"I could see it, your mom being hot" said Rainbow Blitz, rubbing his chin and aggravating his friend, "If I was into that kind of thing."

Elusive shot him a gaze of daggers. If looks could kill, then Rainbow would have fallen out of his chair backwards. The pegasus let out a hoarse laugh, saying, "Dude, calm down, Elusive. We're just fucking around."

Elusive snorted, saying, "Well, I just don't appreciate everypony talking about my mother like that."

Berry said, "Why, though? It's true? She's so pretty! And she likes sports, doesn't she?"

"She does?" said Rainbow, his eyes lighting up as he suddenly became interested in talking about Elusive's mother some more.

Bubble Berry nodded, saying, "Yep! She sure does. Her cutiemark is a football, isn't it?"

Rainbow laughed, saying, "You would know what her cutiemark is, wouldn't you?"

Elusive said, "That's enough-"

"Calm down, miss priss," said Rainbow, "We're all just agreeing that your mom's pretty. Why is that so bad?"

"Because," said the white unicorn, "It is very-"

"I didn't agree to anything like that," said Dusk Shine, his own cheeks turning a deeper shade.

"Me...neither," said Butterscotch, softly.

"Yeah, see," said Rainbow, "They think your mom's ugly. You should be thanking us."

Dusk Shine put his cards down, looking mortified. He said, "No! I didn't say that, either!"

"Just," said Elusive, becoming more and more angry, "Enough! Enough! Enough! We are NOT talking about this anymore, or Solaris help me! I will walk right out of that cottage door and take my table with me!"

He was huffing and puffing, breathing very deeply. His eyes scanned each other pony in the room one-by-one, just waiting for one of them to make just one more crack. When they didn't, he calmed himself down and picked his cards back up.

He said, "Your bet, Dusk Shine."

"I mean," said Rainbow, as Elusive gave out another groan, "It's fine, Elusive. Sorry. Didn't mean to bother you. Just paling around, you know? It's fine that you don't like it."

Dusk Shine place a small bet, and the room was silent again.

"I mean," said Rainbow again, "The only family-fucker around here is AJ. I think it's great that you don't have the hots for your own mom."

Applejack immediately slammed his hooves on the table. His cigarette fell out of his mouth. He said, "Dude! What the fuck?! Don't drag me into this! I didn't say shit to ya'll!"

He pointed a hoof at Bubble Berry, saying, "He's the one who started it! Don't crawl up my ass about it!"

Berry just rolled his eyes, smiling. He said, cheekily, "Well, what can I say? I just love-"

"Is that why you live with the Cakes," said Elusive, calmly and collectedly, turning the tables onto his friend.

Bubble Berry's face immediately fell, and his pupils dilated. He said, "What?"

"Is that why you live with the Cakes," said Elusive, repeating himself, "You live in their house, as opposed to living with your parents or on your own. Is that why?"

Berry gulped, saying, "Is what why?"

"Mrs. Cake," said Elusive, not even cracking a smile, even though he wanted to.

Bubble Berry's expression erupted into one of horror. This was going terribly wrong. He said, "Nononono! That's not why! They're just nice ponies!"

AJ said, "Yeah. I bet. Mrs. Cake is quite the homemaker, isn't she? She does all that baking and cleaning and stuff. Since you're into that sort of thing, I could see why you would want to live-"

"No! I would never do any such thing! That's crazy-talk," screamed Bubble Berry, panicking.

"No," said Elusive, "I think it's true, and shame on you, Bubble Berry." AJ and Rainbow murmured in agreement.

Rainbow suddenly said, "What do you think, Dusk Shine?"

The last thing the purple unicorn wanted was to get dragged into an awful conversation like this. It made him very uncomfortable. He said, "Think about what?"

"Mrs. Cake, dumbass," said Rainbow, "Aren't you listening?"

"I...uh..." said Dusk Shine, trying to buy time, "I...have no opinion."

Bubble Berry laughed, joyfully, saying, "Silly ponies! Dusk Shine doesn't like girls!"

The entire table suddenly turned their attention to him, save Butterscotch, who was trying to sink as far into his seat as he could. Crickets could be heard outside.

AJ said, "Really, Dusk Shine? Is that true? You don't like pretty little fillies?"

Dusk Shine's cheeks turned a deeper shade than Elusive's had, earlier. He immediately sprang to his defense, saying, "No! No! I like girls! What would make you think I don't?"

Bubble Berry looked at him quizzically, saying, "You do? Really? You had me fooled."

"Why, Berry," said the purple unicorn, "Why would I have you fooled? What in Equestria would make you think that I didn't like girls?"

"Because you never talk about them," said the pink pony, "You never look at them. You have never once expressed interest in any. I just thought that-"

"Well you thought wrong!" screamed Dusk Shine, "I like girls just fine!"

Rainbow said, "Really? Then what do you like?"

"What do I...like?" said Dusk Shine, timidly. He joined Butterscotch in trying to sink under the table.

"Yeah," said Rainbow, continuing, "What do you like a girl? Now that Berry mentions it, I've never once heard you talk them. Not even one time. What's up with that?"

"Well," said Dusk Shine, trying to find the words, very carefully, "I just...am preoccupied with my studies and with you guys. I don't have a lot of time, is all. I like girls, I just don't have the time for it."

"Mhm," said Rainbow, "Sure. I believe that. So let's say you did have the time. What would you be looking for?"

Dusk Shine sighed. He hated this conversation, and it was growing more awful by the minute. He said, "I...guess I would just be looking for a nice girl, with a nice personality. Who's smart. I guess that's all. Nothing big or complicated."

"Yeah yeah," said the blue pegasus, "Bullshit. Right right. I get it."

AJ put out his cigarette and lit another one. After taking a big puff, he said, "You have no idea what you're looking for or what you want, do you?"

"Not his sister, that's for damn sure," said Rainbow, nudging Applejack's side.

AJ glared at him, saying, "Fuck off, dickwad."

"No," said Dusk Shine, "I definitely do not-"

"Dusk Shine has a sister, I think," said Berry, "I've seen pictures of her!"

"Really, dude?" said Rainbow, suddenly becoming much more interested in the conversation again, "You have a sister? What's she look like?"

Dusk Shine frowned, saying "She's not-"

"She's real pretty," said Bubble Berry, jumping back into the heated conversation, "I've seen her pictures! He has some! She's got a white coat, like Elusive! And her mane's two different shades of blue! She looks really pretty!"

"For real, dude," said Rainbow, almost jumping out of his seat, "Why haven't you introduced us, yet? I'd totally kill to meet your sister! What's her name?"

"Stop it, guys," said Dusk Shine, almost whining, "You aren't meeting my sister, Rainbow Blitz. She's not available."

Rainbow frowned, saying, "She's not? Why?"

"She's real important. Captain of the Royal Guard in Canterlot. She's not just some thing for you to gawk at," said the purple unicorn, triumphantly. He was proud of his sister.

"Dude," said Applejack, "Lay off his sister. You sound like a fucking creep."

Rainbow pouted, saying, "Fine. Whatever. You know, you've got a-"

Applejack socked him, right in the shoulder, hard. Rainbow let out a little 'ow,' and AJ said, "No. Fuck you. Don't you fucking start about Little Red, or I swear to Solaris I will beat your goddamned ass."

"Fine, dude," said the blue pegasus, "Whatever. Fine. I'll drop it."

There was silence, again. Butterscotch met Dusk Shine's bet, and the playing commenced. As soon as the hand was over, Elusive gathered the cards and began shuffling them, again. Nopony said anything.

Then AJ suddenly said, "What about Butterscotch?"

Everypony turned and looked at him. For the yellow pegasus, this constituted a worst-case scenario. The last thing he wanted was for everypony to be talking about him, right now, about this particular subject. He put his head on the table and hid under his hooves, blushing.

"Yeah, Butters," said Rainbow Blitz, "What about you? We haven't talked about you in like...forever."

"Oh," said Butterscotch, stammering, "It's...nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

"Do you like moms, too," asked Bubble Berry.

"No. I just-"

"No, Berry. He's not some sick fuck, like you. I bet he just likes chicks our age, like most normal ponies," said Rainbow.

AJ said, "I agree with Berry. I think he likes moms. That seems to be the trend, here."

"Shut up, Jackass," said Rainbow.

"Dude, fuck you," said Applejack.

"No, but seriously," said the blue pegasus, "Butters. I have never not even one time heard you talk about girls or look at them. What's up with that? I know you have time for them. You don't have a fucking job."

Elusive interjected, saying, "He has a job, you crude barbarian. He takes care of pets for animals. Things like that. Darling Butterscotch probably makes more money than you do."

"Oh bullshit," said Rainbow Blitz, "But let's assume he does. So he has time. He has money. He owns his own place. Why no chicks. Some of them like the whole meek and timid thing, right?"

Butterscotch said, softly, "Well, I-"

"Maybe he doesn't fill his life with carnal pursuits, Rainbow," said Elusive, "Have you ever thought of that? Not all of us spend all of our time drinking beer and watching football and trying to pick up women at bars."

Butterscotch tried to defend himself, still, saying, "I just-"

"Dude, fuck you," said the blue pegasus, "That is not what I spend all of my time doing."

"I-" said the yellow pegasus.

"Yeah," said Applejack, "I can definitely confirm that he cannot pick a chick up at a bar to save his life."

"Guys," said Butterscotch, meekly trying to butt his way into the conversation, "You don't-

Rainbow tried to save the derailing conversation and said, "Whatever. Whatever. Fuck you guys. I'm just saying. Butterscotch, man. What's going on in your head?"

"Well, I-"

"Stop bothering him," said Dusk Shine, sticking up for his friend, "It's making him uncomfortable. He obviously doesn't want to talk about it. Not everypony wants you digging into their love lives, Rainbow."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, above all of the din of the erupting conversation, Butterscotch screamed, as loud as his lungs would allow, "I DON'T LIKE GIRLS!"

The exuberant exclamation echoed through the cottage, stirring some birds outside. The scream could be heard in the dead of night. It rang through all the rooms of the little house. It rang over the poker table. It rang in everypony's ears.

There was just silence after it, as everypony looked at him with surprise. Nopony said anything. Elusive stopped, mid-shuffle. Berry was in the middle of shoving candy into his mouth. Dusk Shine was about to take a sip from his cold cocoa. AJ still smoked his cigarette.

Then Rainbow suddenly said, as the admittance sunk into everypony's heads, "Dude. I was just joking. I didn't know you were an ass pirate."

Elusive said, "Rainbow! Don't be rude!"

Dusk Shine stuck up the shy pegasus as well, saying, "Yeah, Rainbow! Don't say that! It's not nice."

Rainbow said, "Fine fine. Sorry, Butters. I...uh...I didn't mean to make that come out. I'm sorry. What's a better word, anyway?"

Applejack looked from side-to-side, then said, "Faggot?"

Everypony screamed at him, making him hide under his hat.

He said, "Sorry, sorry! Rainbow's the one who brought it up! He's the one who called him an ass pirate! Don't yell at me about it!"

Elusive turned to Butterscotch, saying soothingly, "Butterscotch, dear. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Yeah," said Rainbow Blitz, putting himself back into things, "Elusive is a fudge-packer, and we like him fine."

"I'm WHAT," screamed the white unicorn, "I am not of that persuasion, Rainbow Blitz! What would make you think I am?"

Rainbow spit his beer out all over the table, thankfully missing all of the cards. He said, "Are you fucking serious? Have you looked at yourself? You smell like flowers, you style your hair all fancy, and you run a dress shop!"

Elusive's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. He said, "I wear cologne, Rainbow. I am terribly sorry for wanting to look my best, everyday, and I certainly do not run a dress shop!"

"Dude," said Rainbow, "You sell dresses in your store. Doesn't that make it a dress shop?"

Elusive said, "I sell suits, Rainbow. There are some dresses in there, but I am a Tailor. My specialty is suits for men. I am not a dress-maker, and I certainly am not gay."

"Well," said the rainbow pegasus, "You had me fucking fooled."

Dusk Shine had spent this entire time looking at the humiliated Butterscotch. He gave him a light touch on the shoulder, saying, "Hey, Butterscotch. I'm sorry about all of this. Are you okay?"

Butterscotch just blushed as deeply as he could, then he said, "Yeah. I'm fine. It-it's okay. It doesn't bother me. I don't mind. Really."

Dusk Shine put a hoof on the yellow pegasus's shoulder, saying, "Yeah, Butterscotch. It's okay. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

The shy pegasus looked at him, saying, "I'm not ashamed of it. It's just never come up, is all. I don't mind talking about it."

Rainbow blurted out, "So you like dudes, really? Do you like any of us?"

Elusive is the one who delivered the punch, this time. He said, very sternly, "Rainbow Blitz! You backwoods heathen! Don't say that!"

Butterscotch just blushed, saying, "Well, I-"

The white unicorn turned to him, saying, "You don't have to answer that, dear. Just ignore these rude savages."

"Savages," said Applejack, realizing her was being lumped into the category, "What the fuck did I do? Rainbow started this!"

Elusive resumed shuffling. He said, "Now, let's just get this business behind us and play cards."

Everypony nodded in agreement, even Rainbow Blitz, and Elusive dealt the next hand.

For the rest of the night, everypony's attention was on the game. No one interrupted it again to talk about anything that wasn't related to poker, not even Rainbow Blitz. Time passed, and the blinds went up. Exclamations and screams were made, and one-by-one, ponies were knocked out of the game when the chips ran out.

At the end of the night, it was Bubble Berry, not Elusive, who took home the pot. As everypony left Butterscotch's cottage, the pink pony was talking about how many cookies and cakes and bags of candy he was going to buy with his winnings. Rainbow protested it all as bullshit. Applejack just left quietly, wanting to spend some time alone somewhere.

Elusive packed up his table and cleaned up, taking it all outside and back to Carousel Boutique. He was a graceful loser, about as graceful as they came.

Dusk Shine was the last to leave, and as he did so, Butterscotch stopped him for a moment, with a touch on his arm.

"Yes, Butterscotch?"

The yellow pegasus just smiled, saying, "I just wanted to say..."

"Say what," said the purple unicorn, smiling.

"...Thank you for being nice and supportive of me. Elusive, too."

Dusk Shine just laughed and said, "No problem, Butterscotch. Anytime. I'lll see you next time, okay? We'll have to do this again, sometime soon."

Butterscotch just nodded in agreement, saying, "Yes. We will."

Then the door closed, and Butterscotch was all by himself. He waved bye to Dusk Shine through the window and just started cleaning up all the mess. There was a lot of it, and it would take awhile.

But he didn't mind. He was just grateful to have friends to make messes for him, even if they poke fun at him, sometimes.