Mythic Rule 63

Applejack smoked in his room and looked at magazines.

They weren't exactly the kinds of magazines you'd let a little colt look at, and his cigarettes weren't exactly something you'd give them, either. Neither was the booze. In fact, nothing in AJ's room was kid-friendly. The only thing a kid could appreciate, in his entire room, was his pappy's old guitar, but Applejack never let Apple Buck touch that, either.

He took a long swig from his beer bottle. The liquid had gone from refrigerator-cool to room-temperature a long time ago, but that didn't bother him. Good beer took on different qualities as it changed temperature, and he prided himself on being able to appreciate every single one. Turning the bottle fully upside-down, the rest of the alcohol drained into his mouth and down his throat.

Sighing contentedly and putting the empty bottle down on his nightstand, he took a big drag from his cigarette. He went back to his magazine, turning it sideways and letting a big pin-up fall out out it. The cowpony gave a sharp wolf whistle and said, "If only."

"Welp," he said, "Time for another beer."

It was a bright, happy day outside. Luckily, he didn't have to be out in any of it. Today was his day off, and he had spent the entirety of it loafing around in his room. This day was a day for him, just him. No friends. No interruptions. No nothing. He had even managed to go fishing that morning (one of his favorite things to do alone), although he hadn't caught anything.

Oh well. It was the effort that counted. Applejack walked over to his window and looked outside, snuffing out his cigarette in the ashtray that rested on the windowsill. He looked out over Sweet Apple Acres: his prison. It was a dreadful place, to him. The worst place on the planet.

He rested his head on his windowsill and stared out at the sun. If he could live his life again, he sure as hell wouldn't be here. A country singer. Or a guitarist for a country band (or a rock band; hell, he wasn't picky). That's what he really wanted to do. That's what he dreamed about. Not kicking apples out of trees or fixing the barn or repairing old fences. None of that.

Just music. That was his dream.

He liked to think, sometimes, that there was another Applejack out there, somewhere, somehow, that didn't work the farm. There was an Applejack that was happy with his life, one that didn't hate getting up every morning. Hopefully, that Applejack was a country singer.

Who cares, though? He let out a big sigh and looked down at the ground, outside. He saw his brother and friends, standing around a tree. Applejack squinted his eyes. They were all standing around, looking at something. It looked like a rock or something. Just stupid kids' stuff, he figured. No big deal.

He didn't care what Apple Buck and his friends did, as long as they didn't bother him. He just wanted peace. He just wanted quiet. That's all he wanted for the day.

That and a beer. He was out of them, in his room. That meant going down to the kitchen.

To the kitchen. AJ gave a big sigh and looked up at his ceiling. He hadn't wanted to leave his room, today. However, necessities were necessities, and he needed beer.

So, the cowpony put his hat on and left his room, making the short journey down the stairs and into the eating area. The fridge was on the left, as soon as he entered the room, and Applejack went right to it. Putting his hoof on the handle, the cowpony threw open the door with a whoosh, and he was immediately blasted by a wave of cold air.

A carton of eggs rested precariously on an old piece of tupperware that had been rotting in there for a few weeks. As soon as the door opened, they fell out, spilling all over the ground. With a series of small cracks, half the carton busted, emptying the contents of the eggs all over the floor.

"Shit," said Applejack, "Now I've got a fucking mess to clean up."

Fishing through the crowded fridge for what seemed like a calculated eternity, AJ could not find a beer. Swearing profusely, he told himself that he was going to talk to Red, next time he saw her, about putting his beer all the way in the back of the fridge. She did it because she didn't like the habit. She wasn't him, though, and the only thing he loved more than a good beer was his bottle in his room.

Finally, after searching and searching, the earth pony found his prize.

Pulling it out of the fridge, he touched it to his face, relishing in the coldness that it exuded. It was his last bottle; he'd have to go out to the liquor store later and buy some more. But he was going to enjoy this.

Oh, was he going to enjoy this.

That was when he heard a crashing noise, and he turned around to see the big sister of which he was just thinking about. She was sweaty, huffing, and puffing. An angry scowl covered her face.

"Hey, Red," he said, "What's up?"

"You son of a bitch!" she screamed.

Applejack stopped drinking his beer, mid-swig, and his eyes slowly panned over to the mess on the floor in front of the fridge.

He shrugged his shoulders, saying, "What? I was just about to clean it up. I only just made the damned mess. Calm-"

Red looked at the mess on the floor and then shook her head and snorted. "I'm not talking about some damned mess on the floor, idiot," she said, "I'm here to talk about Apple Buck."

"Why," said Applejack, arching a brow, "He's outside with his friends or something, right? What's that gotta do with me?"

"Well, he just informed me," she said, taking a single ponderous step forward with each word, "That YOU have been-"

He stuck his hooves out, warding her off, and crossed his eyebrows. Applejack said, "Now you wait just a damned minute, right there. I don't know what he told you, but it ain't true. I ain't done nothing to him, and if he says otherwise, he's lying. I've been in the house, all damned day. This is the first time I've even left my room since breakfast. He's been out playing with his friends. I-"

"Would you shut up. I know you've been in your room all day, jackass," she said.

Applejack frowned. Jackass. This time, though, it wasn't a term of endearment. He said, "So what're you crawling up my ass for?"

"Oh, I'm about to crawl up your ass," Red said, snorting and kicking her legs, "And when I do, I'm gonna buy me some property and build a house. I won't be leaving for weeks."

"What the hell did I do?" he screamed.

"You've been cussin' in front of Apple Buck and his friends!" she screamed back.

Applejack's eyes narrowed, and he straightened the hat on his head. That little asshole. That was their little secret. AJ tried to treat him like an adult, and this was what happened. Next time he saw that little bastard, he was really going to get him.

"Well, sometimes, yeah," said Applejack, not really able to defend himself, "What's the big fucking deal?"

"Applejack," she yelled, "What the hell have I told you about cussin' in front of Apple Buck? What the hell has Grandpa told you about cussin' in front of Apple Buck?"

He scratched his chin and gave a playful show of thinking, then he said, "Don't do it?"

"Yes! Don't do it! Now, you've got him cussin', too! He just swore at me, in the barn," she said.

"Well, whup his ass," said Applejack, "And he won't do it ever again."

"Grandpa whupped your ass plenty, growin' up, and you still cuss," she said, beginning to circle around her brother, "You're the most foul-mouthed, uncouth-"

"Uncouth," he said, arching an eyebrow, "What's that mean?"

Little Red sighed and hung her head, saying, "It means 'uncivil.' You know, bad-mannered?"

Applejack felt his stomach rumble, and then he let out a belch.

"Exactly," said Red, "Just like that. Anyway, you're the most foul-mouthed, uncouth little pony I have ever met, aside from your friend Rainbow Blitz."

"Hey hey hey, now," said the younger Apple, pointing his beer at his sister, "You leave my friends out of this! Rainbow's a fine feller!"

"Are you kidding me," she dead-panned, flat-faced, "He's annoying, and he's creepy. Whenever we're around each other, he always leers at me. I don't like him."

"Well," said AJ, desperately trying to come up with any words he could to defend his friend, "In his defense, he does that to every girl he meets. It's nothing personal."

"Oh bullshit," said Red, "He's a fucking creep. He can't get a girlfriend, so he just spends all of this time telling himself he's awesome and chasing any skirt his eyes can get ahold of."

"Well...That's...Uh," said Applejack, stuttering, "All my other friends are fine!"

Little Red took a few more hard, threatening steps towards her brother, saying, "Well, I ain't bitching about your other friends, now am I? I'm bitching about you. And Rainbow Blitz. Mostly you."

"Why? I didn't fucking do nothing," he said.

"You swear in front of Apple Buck. I don't care why. I don't care when. I just want you to stop. He's picking up bad habits, and it's spreading to his friends. His little friend Scooterloo swore in the barn, too," said Red.

"I still don't see why the fuck this is my fault," said Applejack, exasperated and throwing his hooves into the air, "They probably picked those words up at school! Kids're cussin' younger and younger, these days. It's the damned Internet's fault. Don't blame me-"

"No, you asshole," said Red, putting her face right up to Applejack's, "I ain't gonna blame the Internet! You need to-"

"You cuss too," said Applejack, quickly, "And sometimes you slip in front of him. Grandpa, too. This ain't all my fault, is all I'm saying. Yeah, sometimes I do swear in front of my brother, but that's what brothers do. We pal around with each other. He's twelve, for fuck's sake; he's growing up. I'm going to start treating him like an adult!"

Red got out of her face, narrowing her eyes. She thought very carefully about her next words, working them out in her head. Then, she said, "Well, fine. I'm sorry. You're right. I'll stop, if you'll stop."

"Yeah," said Applejack, making a promise he was sure he wasn't going to be able to keep, "I'll stop, if you'll stop. I promise."

Little Red walked over to the table and sat down, exhaling heavily. She put her head on her hooves and stared off into space, saying, "Sorry I got so mad at you. I just get worked up over Buck."

Applejack pulled a chair out at the same table and sat down across from her. He said, "Yeah, yeah. I know. You're just watching out for him, is all."

She nodded, saying, "He's just a youngun, AJ. He's got such a bright future ahead of him. I just want him to grow up to be something is all, you know? I want him to grow up doing something besides..."

"Working on the farm all damned day," said AJ, pulling out a cigarette and putting it in his mouth, "Yeah. I know what you mean."

He took out his lighter and flipped the switch, igniting it. It slowly drifted to his face, when Red's expression went cross again. Her eyes became like fire, and she said, "Applejack. Don't you dare light that cigarette in here. You keep your nasty habits out of this kitchen. If you don't, I swear to Solaris I will whup your-"

Applejack immediately dropped the lighter and cigarette, holding his hooves out in the air. The two offensive items fell harmlessly to the table, for all to see. He said, "See? See? Sorry. I ain't lighting shit. Calm down."

She sat straight up, pointing a hoof at him and saying, "I don't like it when you tell me to 'calm down.' It's disrespectful."

Applejack rolled his eyes, wanting to tell her to blow it out her ass. They never had that kind of relationship, not the kind that her and little Buck have, now. Red slammed the table, saying, "Don't you roll your eyes at me! I'm your big sister!"

"Yeah," said Applejack, sitting up straight, himself, "You're my big sister, not my fucking mother! Just lay off, why don't you?! You're all the time getting on to me or yelling at me! For nothing! I'm an adult, for fuck's sake, and you ain't much older than me. How about YOU start treating ME with some respect!"

"Well if you're so goddamned grown-up," said Red, standing up, "Why don't you start fucking acting like it! All you do all day is hang out with your friends or masturbate in your room and drink and smoke! Us REAL adults-"

"Oh fuck you," screamed Applejack, jumping up out of his seat and knocking his chair down, "I AM a real adult, bitch! I work hard and bust my ass and sweat and cry and bleed just like you fucking do! Don't you fucking sit there on your goddamned ass and fucking tell me that I'm not an adult!"

Little Red's eyes narrowed, but she said nothing. She just ground her teeth and clenched her jaw, trying to think about what to say next. She took deep breaths, letting the air go in. And go out. In. And out. Several times, trying to calm down. A real fight was about to break out. She could feel the tension in the air; it was palpable, like something that could be felt.

She sat back down in her chair, saying, "Applejack. Calm down. I don't want to fight; I'm tired of it. Let's just calm down and relax. You're right. You're an adult. I'm an adult. We're both adults. Let's just stop fighting. It ain't gonna do us any good."

Applejack sat back down, himself. He tried to calm down, too. She was right. This was only going to end with him getting his ass beat (she was stronger than he was). He said, "Well...yeah. Okay. Yeah. We ain't fighting right now. I'm sorry."

Little Red smiled and said, "Yeah. I'm sorry, too."

Then she stood up, saying, "Well. We both agree to stop swearing in front of Buck, and hopefully he'll stop swearing to. You, know, AJ, he really looks up to you. He emulates you. I've seen it."

AJ blushed a little, hiding under his hat a little. He said, "Nah. No he doesn't. That boy's got a mind of his own."

Red laughed, saying, "Yes he does, too. He does emulate you; he copies you. I swear. I've seen him do it more than once. I think that if you stopped swearing, he'd stop too. Just give it a thought."

Applejack felt a pang of guilt. Did his little brother really look up to him that much? No one looked up to him, not ever. He was an uneducated, nicotine-addicted drunk. No one looked up to people like him. But Apple Buck did; that's what Red was telling him. Was Buck going to turn out like him? He felt his heart stop. He'd kill himself if his little brother turned out to be some worthless farmhand, like him.

Red opened the door outside and began to step outside of it, saying, "Well, I'm getting back to work. Do you mind watching Buck tonight? I'm going over to my boyfriend's house to-"

Applejack was immediately and violently torn out of his contemplative monologue. The worry and concern he had for his brother shriveled up and crinkled up like a raisin, then was lost altogether. He turned to his sister. His mouth blankly formed the words, "What'd you say?"

Red stopped in the doorstep, saying, "I'm going to my boyfriend's, later. You need to watch Buck. He's not staying at a friend's-"

AJ stood up out of his chair, saying, "You're going to your BOYFRIEND'S house?!"

The older Apple frowned and crossed her eyebrows, saying, "Yes. My boyfriend's. I have a boyfriend, AJ. He has a house. I'm going to it. Tonight. After the sun goes down."

He crossed his eyebrows and said, "The hell you are."

Red's eyebrows crossed, too, and she stepped back into the kitchen, letting the door close. She said, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Why do you have a boyfriend," said Applejack, fully standing up and walking toward his sister.

"Why do I need a reason? Why don't you have a girlfriend," said Red.

Applejack ignored her second question, just deciding to zero in on the first. He said, "We ain't talking about me. We're talking about you. Why do you have a boyfriend?"

"We're not having this conversation right now. I'm busy. I have a ton of work to do in the barn," she said, starting to walk back out.

Her brother ran over to the door and slammed it shut, blocking it with his body. He said, "No. We are having this conversation. We're having it right now. Is that a problem?"

Red's eyes narrowed, and she put her face right up to his, so close that she could smell his cigarette breath. She said, "You're about to have a problem, in a minute."

"I already have a problem," he said, "You're dating some asshole."

"He ain't an asshole," said Red, fully taken aback by the way her brother was acting, "You don't even know who it is-"

"Every guy you've ever dated has been an asshole," said AJ, "I don't see why-"

"Would you just back off," she said, snarling, "Why do you care so much, anyway?"

"Because you're my sister," he said, "And I want to watch after-"

"Well, you don't have to watch after shit," she said, "I can watch after myself."

"Obviously not, because you're dating some-"

"Why in the hell do you care so much about who I decide to date," she screamed, completely fed up with the way he was acting.

Applejack frowned and said, "Because...Because..." His eyes went downcast. He didn't know why. He just did.

"Because I just do," he said.

"Well, stop. I hate it. You've always acted this way every time I've ever brought a boy home," said Red, stamping her hooves on the ground.

Applejack was forced to pause. Did he, really? Did he really act this way? Every time? He shook his head. Nah. Not every time. Just whenever she brought an asshole home, which is what he suspected this guy was.

He said, "Who is it? This is a small town. I might know the motherfucker."

"I'm not telling," she said, shaking her head.

"Tell me, dammit," said AJ.

Red shook her head, saying, "No. I ain't gonna."

"Tell me," said Applejack, bracing himself in the doorframe, "Or I ain't moving from this door."

"Fine," said Red, snorting, "His name's Cheery Lee. He's-"

Applejack's jaw nearly fell to the floor. He said, "The schoolteacher? Buck's teacher? You're shitting me. Why the fuck are you dating that fairy?"

Her eyebrows crossed, and she said, "Don't call him that. Don't you call him names. And yes. Him. The schoolteacher. Cheery Lee."

"Why," was all that AJ could think to say.

"Because," said Red, blushing, "He's smart."

"So," said Applejack, trying to spring back into action, "So is Dusk Shine. You've never tried to jump down his pants."

That was when the first blow came. Red brought a hoof down, right onto Applejack's face. She wasn't a big girl, but she was strong. Very strong. The strongest pony that Applejack knew. The blow hurt, making him recoil and fall down a few inches. His hat fell off of his head.

He rubbed his cheek and looked up at his furious sister, saying, "Hey! What'd you hit me for!"

"Because you're being an asshole," she said, "Lee is a perfect gentleman. He has not even so much as laid a hoof on me."

"Then why are you dating him," asked AJ.

Her eyes narrowed again, and she said, "Are you calling me a whore?"

Applejack gulped, not quite ready to fight, yet, "No. I'm just...curious as to why you started dating again. It's been a long time, Red. Why now?"

She blushed, saying, "Because I'm lonely, AJ. I ain't getting any younger. I need a man in my life."

"Why him, though? Why Buck's teacher?" asked the younger Apple.

"Because he's smart. And kind. And shy. I like him, AJ," said Red, "Is that a problem?"

"Well, fuck yes that's a problem. I don't like you dating Buck's teacher. What are folks supposed to think," said Applejack.

Red got right back into his face again, saying, "What are folks supposed to think? Why would I give a single fuck about what 'folks are supposed to think'? What are folks supposed to think about you? Drinking and smoking all the time?"

Applejack frowned, saying, "Don't turn this around on me-"

"Well, there's no need for you to be so nasty," said Red.

"I ain't being nasty," he said.

"You are too," she said, "And I'm tired of it. I like Lee, and we're dating, and you ain't gonna stop that. You said I ain't your mother, right? Treat you like an adult? Well, you ain't pappy. And you need to treat ME like an adult."

Applejack was speechless. He said, "Well, I'm going to go find this asshole and show him what I think about-"

"The HELL you are," screamed Red, stomping hard on the ground.

Applejack did not relent. He kept on, saying, "I'm going to go find him and show him a piece of my mind. No faggot-ass like that is going to date my sister. Especially not a faggot like-"

Red went at him. She hit him again, screaming, "Don't you call him names, AJ! And don't you dare go pick a fight with my boyfriend over your bullshit! If I hear that you've laid so much as a hoof on him, I'm going to whup your ass!"

Applejack did not retaliate. He just wiped his cheek and said, "Well then, bitch, you'd better whup my ass right now, because I'm headed over to that asshole's house-"

Red had had enough. Completely losing her cool, she took another swing at him, which he dodged altogether. Then the fight broke out in its entirety. Red slammed her brother up against the door, almost tearing it down, and then they both fell to the ground, kicking and screaming.

It was quite the din. It could be heard outside, by the boys. They heard all of it. All of the screaming and the yelling. All the punching and kicking. As tough as Applejack was, he wasn't as tough as his big sister, who very quickly overtook him and showed him what a real whupping was.

Chairs and tables were upturned. Red even found the strength to throw her brother up against the wall, at one point. All-in-all, it didn't last very long. After a couple minutes, Applejack couldn't last any longer. It was a new record for him. Tired of being pummeled, he just fell to the ground, half-conscious.

Still as angry as she had ever been in her entire life, Red at least had enough sisterly love in her body to drag her comatose brother to his room and toss him into bed.

Looking around at the mess in his, Red just shook her head and wiped a tear from her cheek. Is that what this family was coming to? Fighting? About nothing?

About to leave the room, she looked at her brother and trotted over to him, tossing his blanket over him. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

"I love you, Applejack," she whispered.

Then she walked out of the room and closed the door. It was time to see what the boys were up to.