Bat-Faunus in Equestria: Agent of chaos!

‘I hate you Discord,’ I thought as I opened my eyes only for my vision to be filled with nothing but pure blur. After giving my eyes a moment to adjust, I began a quick maintenance check.

‘Breathing, check (Yatta!). Sight… More or less check. Hearing, mostly check. Feeling in my face, chec - OOW!!’

I tried to lift my arm to rub the bruise that was no doubt inflicted by the rainbow beast, but when I did, my other arm followed. I raised an eyebrow and shook the blurriness out of my eyes before looking at my arms. They were held together by a rope tied around my wrist. Looking past them, I saw that my ankles were in the same predicament. I also saw that my leg was bandaged up and covered in pink crayon hearts.

‘Is it weird that I'm a little turned on right now?’

I shrugged the feeling off and looked around. It looked like I was in some sort of bedroom but the walls looked like the inside of a tree. Everything was neatly in it's place and there was a shelf filled with books not too far away.

“I say we throw it in the Everfree Forest, where it belongs!”

My ear twitched in irritation at the sound. Of course I'd be captured and tied up by them. Universe, why do you hate me?

“We can't just throw it back Rainbow Dash! We could be looking at an entirely new species here! Just imagine what we could learn from him!”

‘Yep, I’m screwed.’ I gulped, not liking how excited she sounded.

“But it's so creepy,” whined Rainbow Dash.

“Um...I thought it was k-kind of c-cute actually…”

‘Holy crap I almost didn't hear that,’ I thought.

“Oh come on Fluttershy! Just look at it! Those beady brown eyes…”

‘My eyes aren't beady!’

“That dirty hairless brown skin and short coal black hair…”

‘Well excuse me if stick-wolf blood doesn't exactly make for very good soap!’

“And that outfit! How anything can even think about walking around in such tacky rags is beyond me.” Said a different voice, this one more elegant and spoken with an exotic accent.

‘Oh no she didn't!’

“FUCK YOU BITCH!! I LOOK FABULOUS!!” I screamed, flaring my wings in anger.

My only response was my own words echoing through the house. I layed there in a silence so tense, I could practically see it. I was about to scream again, just to piss em off, when the sound of hurried clopping nearly made my ears bleed. As I thought of all the creative ways to kill these people...horses...whatever, the door burst open, revealing the six she-devils themselves.

“Great, you're all here. Now my day is complete,” I quipped, causing their widen for some reason really don't care that much about. They stood there in a silence way more awkward than the last one - at least for me - staring at me with wide eyes and slack jaws.

“Please stop staring at me like that, it's creeping me out!” I said.

The lavender made was the first to recover. Shaking herself out of her stuber, she shakily pointed at me and spoke. “You...You can talk?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, I'm just making sounds that suspiciously sound like words,” I said, the sarcasm more than evident in my voice. “Now could one of you be so kind as to roll me onto my stomach? My wings are falling asleep.”

The yellow mare gasped and stepped forward but was stopped by the orange mare. “Don't do it Fluttershy. It could be a trick,” She said, causing me to groan.

“Yeah, that's right. I came to this town with an injured leg so that I could lie here and trick her. You've solved the case you redneck hillbilly!”

“Why you…!” She moved to towards me, no doubt to kick my ass, only to be held back by both the yellow and the pink mare.

“You've got a lot of nerve, insulting us when you're the one tied up,” Said the blue mare who I'm guessing is Rainbow Dash for obvious reasons. She was covered in some very stylish bandages for her many cuts and the bruise on her forehead.

“Didn’t you fly into a wall?” I quipped. Her response was a death glare that made me smirk.

“So what are you anyway?” Asked the lavender mare.

“Yo mamma!” I yelled. I know that I probably shouldn't be possing off the girls who have me at their mercy but I'm drunk on rage right now so self-preservation doesn't apply to me.

“You might as well tell us, you know. I've already sent a letter to Princess Celestia, who's coming in three days to take you away,” She said.

‘Princess?! Shit!’

“Well then, I guess I better get out of here before she shows up.”

“Ah’d like to see ya try,” Said the orange mare. “No way yer’ gettin’ outta - “

I cut her off by sinking into my shadow. Not giving them time to react, I slithered off the bed and out the door. I heard the mares yelling at me to return but it was too late. By the time they made it down stares I was already out the door.

‘Freedom!’ I thought as I slithered through the streets. They were still empty from the whole ‘warm welcome’ which was fine by me.

‘Freaking xenophobes,’ I thought as the sound of clopping reached my ears. I cursed and rounded into an ally. I waited until I saw them pass by before hightailing out of there. I needed to get these damn ropes off.

“How could we lose it?!” Asked Rainbow as they stopped in the center of town.

“Don't worry, we'll find it. I mean, how hard is it to find a hairless pony with bat wings?” Twilight said as she turned to the group. “We’ll have split up though. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, you two search the west side of Ponyville.”

“Got it!” Rainbow Dash said before taking off with Fluttershy following close at hand.

“Rarity, Pinkie, you two head east. Applejack and I will check near the Everfree Forest.”

“Oki doki Loki!” Cheered Pinkie, giving a salute before heading the direction she was told.

“You be careful dear!” Said Rarity as she followed her pink friend.

“You too!” Said Twilight before turning to Applejack. “Come on Applejack, we gotta find that before it causes even more trouble. Who knows what it could be doing right now.”

“Finally!” I exclaimed as I untied my feet. After finally losing those mares, I found a nice empty park and made my way under a nearby tree where I proceeded to untie myself and let me tell you, it was not easy. Let's just say that I'll never look at my ears the same way again.

“Alright, that's one problem down. So now what?” I muttered.

I slumped against the tree as I thought about my next course of action. The sun was starting to set which meant that I didn't have much time left. I guess the first thing I should do is get the heck out of this crazy town. I got what I came for; my leg was taken care of so I didn't really have much reason to stay, but then what?

And there lied the million lien question; what do I do from here on in?

The fact of the matter is, I know absolutely nothing about this world and even if I did, what good would that do me in the long run? It's not like I could just find a different town or city to live in, if the people here reacted the way they did just because I wanted some directions, I can't imagine how the bigger settlements would react to me actually living amongst them. Not that it mattered. The lavender mare said something about the princess coming over. That meant that as soon as she saw I was missing, she'd no doubt alert other kingdoms about the monster on the loose. This meant I'll have to spend the rest of my life running from an inevitable capture. And if and/or when they do catch me, what do I do? Fight them? These things can dodge bullets and ejaculate freaking laser beams from boners on their foreheads! I'm just a hunter in training, how can I possibly compete with that?!

I brought knees to my chest and hugged them. My body shook and my eyes began to well up with tears as the reality of my situation finally caught up with me. Come to think of it, with everything that's happened lately, what with being attacked by a bunch of stick-wolves and getting my ass handed to me by a small group of mares, I don't think I've had time to freak out about my situation yet. Oh well, better late than never I suppose.

‘Great…just….great. I escaped one miserable life only to end up with an even worse one as I result.’

I placed my head on my knees and sighed. My breath was a little shaky and my ears filed back but I was way too deep in my own emotional turmoil to notice or care.

‘Why...Why does this shit have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?’ It took a lot of will on my part to keep the tears in my eyes from falling but it was just getting harder by the second.

‘I just wanted a normal happy life. Is that really so wro - '

“There you are!”

‘And the moment is ruined.’

I looked up to glare the hell out of this bitch, only to find myself trapped inside a light blue dome. The white mare stood in front me with her pink friend bouncing beside her.

‘One break. I just want ONE break!’

“Pinkie, be a dear and go get the others. I'll stay here and make sure this miscreant doesn't go anywhere.”

The pink mare gave a soldier's salute before running off, leaving a mare shaped dust cloud in her wake. I groaned and placed my head back on my knees. Ain't know way I was in the mood for this shit.

“Well I hope you've learned your lesson. Now if you'd calmly just - “

“Shut up.”

She gasped and looked at me like I had just slapped her in the face. “Excuse me?! Why I never - “

“Shut. Up,” I growled. “I'm not in the mood.”

She folds her arms and scoffs at me. “Hmph. May I remind you that you wouldn't even be in this situation if you hadn't attacked Ponyville in the first place.”

You know, if what she just said hadn't sent me from ‘pissed off’ to ‘I'm gonna make a purse out of your ass’, I would've thought it was cute how she puffs out her cheeks when she's mad. Oh well.

“Attacked Ponyville? ATTACKED PONYVILLE?!” I lifted my head and gave her the most pissed off expression possible, though in retrospect, it probably didn't come out as intimidating as I had hoped with my bloodshot eyes and cracked voice.

“First of all, that is the DUMBEST name I have ever heard and whoever named this town should burn in hell!!” Yeah that probably didn't help my case but be honest, haven't you ever said something stupid while drunk on rage? It felt good didn't it?

“Second, I didn't attack anyone! I came to this fucked up town because I was hurt and needed help! It's not my fault you freaks are xenophobic!”

She stared at me with a blank expression before huffing again. “A likely story.”

“Likely stor - MY LEG WAS BLEEDING YOU DUMB - Ugh, you know what? Believe whatever you want okay. I don't care anymore.” I placed my head back on my knees. “Not that it matters. I'm lost, injured, scared, alone and…” I sobbed, no longer able to stop my tears from falling. My body started to shake again. I know all of this was true but hearing myself say it out loud just...made it more difficult to accept. Man I must've looked so pathetic. Yep, I'm definitely getting in her pants.

Great, now I'm depressed. You know what, I'm just going to let the story tell itself for a little while. You don't mind, do you? Great. Ugh, I need some water; I'm parched. Whatever that Morgan Freeman guy gets paid, it ain't enough.

Rarity looked on as he sobbed into his knees. She wanted to keep a straight face, she really did, but as she watched him break down in tears, she couldn't help but pity the poor creature. Her heart wasn't made of stone you know. Though if you were to say that it was made from diamonds, well then, it would very rude of her to argue.

Her expression softened as she watched him. She had no idea what to do. On one hand, she had no idea what was going through his head. He could just be luring her into a trap. But on the other hand, she couldn't stand to see anything cry - pony or not. She supposed that was a trait she picked up from spending so much time with Fluttershy.

‘Where are you Pinkie?’ She thought as she stood there in awkward silence. She tried to look anywhere but directly at him but it didn't help much. She could still hear him sobbing and with every sob, she felt her resolve break a little.

“Um...please stop crying deary,” She awkwardly said. It was time like this that she really wished Fluttershy was around. She was so much better at this than her. “Look, I'm if you just explain yourself - “

“That won't work,” He interrupted, not bothering to look at her as he spoke. “The orange and blue mare practically hate me, the yellow one is terrified of me, the purple one just sees me as some new project and I don't even want to know what's going through the pink one’s head.”

She was having an internal war with herself now. She felt sorry for the poor thing, she really did, but she couldn't let herself fall for his world so easily. Rainbow would never let her live it down if he tricked her into freeing him. She tried to strengthen her resolve but what he said next was the straw that broke the camel's back.

“I...I just want to go home…”

Yep, that just about did it. She sighed, cursing her gentle heart, before dispersing her magic, causing the dome to disappear. Despite this, he still did not look up. Hay, she'd be surprised if he even noticed. She kneeled to his level and placed a hand on his shoulder. His body tensed and he went silent. He slowly lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes wide and still wet with tears. She hated to admit it, but she found him rather cute looking like this. He looked like a sad puppy.

‘I've been spending far too much time with Fluttershy.’

“Wh...What are you…?” He trailed off.

“Well…” She trailed off, not really sure what to say. What could she say? Hey, I know I blasted you with magic earlier? Not the best conversation starter but perhaps an apology would be a good start.

“Perhaps we were a bit...harsh on you before…”

“Ya don't say,” He deadpanned.

“But to be fair, you weren't exactly helping your case by shooting those….things at us,” She stated in defence.

“You shot lasers at me!”

“Only because you knocked out Rainbow Dash!”

Myotis rolled his eyes at her accusation. “Pffft! Please, she did that to herself. I don't know if you've noticed but she isn't exactly ‘Ms. Sneak Attack’,” He scoffed. “Besides, how was I supposed to know she'd fly into a fruit stand?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. This wasn't getting her anywhere. “You still could've tried to explain yourself back at the library you know.”

He opened his mouth to retort, only to close it again when he realised that she was absolutely right. “I...guess you have a point there.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really messed up didn't I?”

“I think we all messed up,” She giggled. “How about we make deal? You promise not to cause any trouble around Ponyville and I'll talk to the other's about what to do with you.”

She took her hand off his shoulder and offered it to him. He stared at it for a moment before looking back at her. Her cold glare was now replaced with a warm caring smile. If he was completely honest with himself, he'd say she looked….pretty.

“You'd…do that...for me?”

“But of course!” She giggled. “It would quite selfish of me to not at least give you a chance and I can't have that now can I? I am the element of generosity after all.”

He...had no idea what that meant but he was in no mood to ask about it. The answer would probably confuse him anyway, like everything else in this messed up place.

‘Just roll with it Myotis.’

“So do we have a deal?” She asked. He stared down at her hand for a moment before making his decision. It really wasn't hard, though he did have a feeling that this wouldn't end well either way.

“Hell yeah we do!” He smiled as he took her hand and allowed her to help him up. He was about to thank her when he noticed that he was at eye level with her cleavage, and what a cleavage it was!

‘You know, maybe being short won't be so bad,’ He thought, looking away in attempt to hide his reddening face.

“Thank you Ms…”

“Rarity. And you are…?”

‘What a weird name. Then again, almost everyone in my world is named after a colour.’

“Myotis Neo. You can just call me Myotis though.”

“Myotis…” She repeated, the name rolling of her tongue. “What an odd name for an odd creature.”

“Oh yeah, because Rarity is so common,” He deadpanned. She giggled at this. He found himself actually enjoying the sound.

“Hey...uh Rarity…?”

“Yes? What is it dear?”

His cheeks reddened again and he suddenly found her shoes to be a lot more interesting. “Uh...sorry for...you know...calling you a bitch.”

“Oh that alright. I'm sorry for knocking you out,” She giggled, causing him to look up at her in confusion.

“You didn't -” He cut himself off when he noticed her horn was glowing.

“Oh…”

‘Ugh, what is this, three times in one day?’ He thought, slowly regaining consciousness. He open his eyes and found himself in the same situation as before except now he was on his stomach instead.

‘Well at least they made sure I was comfy.’

“You want us to what?!”

His ears perked. He could've that was the rainbow mare's voice. He looked to towards the door with a raised eyebrow.

“I'm just saying that perhaps we were a bit hasty with it. It doesn't seem like such a bad Pon - uh, bat.”

That was Rarity’s voice. He narrowed his eyes and looked at the door. He needed to get over there.

‘Good thing they didn't tie my wings,’ He thought as flew to towards the door. He pressed his ear against it and listened.

“Are you even listening to yourself? No way am I trusting that thing!”

“Ah’m with RD on this one, I don't trust em’. Plus, I can't stand bats.”

‘Well fuck you too sherrif.’

“I'm not asking you to trust him. Just to give him a chance.”

“Um...he fwas injured when we found him…”

“Oh! Maybe he likes parties!”

“Seriously?! Come on Twi, help me out here. You don't trust him either right?”

There was a long moment of silence that followed. For a minute, he was scared that they had already decided when Twi -whoever that was- spoke.

“Well...I supposed as the elements of harmony, we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't at least give him a chance.”

“Oh! Oh! I know! Let's vote on it!”

There was no question about it; that was definitely the pick mare. He made a mental note to keep an eye on her. No one with a smile that huge could possibly be sane.

“Great idea Pinky! Alright, raise you hand if you think we should give him a chance.”

‘Seriously?! What is this, kindergarten?’

“All opposed?” There was moment silence before she apparently came to a decision. “Then I guess it's settled. We -”

She was cut off when the door suddenly opened, revealing a small….lizard boy? Now, he'd seen a few lizard faunas while at beacon but none of them were ever covered purple scales...or naked.

‘Where the hell is his weiner?!’ He found himself asking.

The...lizard stated up at him with wide eyes. Neither of them moved or blinked. They just stared at each other in awkward silence.

“Um...hi?”

The lizard boy didn't respond. He just slammed the door in his face, causing him to lose his concentration on flying and hit the floor face first.

“Son of a -”

The sound of hoofsteps cut off what would have surely been the longest string of curses in history - other world or not. The opened again and he found himself staring at a pair of purple hoofs. Following them up the legs, he found a purple mare staring down at him with a raised eyebrow.

“...I can explain.”

He never had the chance. He soon found himself encased in a purple aura. He panicked when he found himself being lifted off the ground and carried over to the bed. He was getting real sick of that bed.

“We've come to a decision.”