The Rise Of A Square World

(troll)  Stop hitting yourself.  Stop hitting yourself.  Stop hitting yourself.  Stop hitting yourself.

I now stood over top of a rather handsome copy of myself.  Blow by blow I continued to punch him or her I couldn’t tell in the face.  As I did this I continued chanting stop hitting yourself.  Eventually the copy surrendered and turned back into its changeling form.  Standing up I looked all around at what I’d done the streets were now lined with bruised and slightly injured changeling’s most of which had their horns cut off by my sword.

Stepping away from my final opponent I found it was time to release all the ponies from their imprisonment.  So much for this nightmare night thing I said looking around at all the destroyed decorations.  Pinky how fast do you think you could get this party going again I asked?

Rather than responding like any sensible creature she only Pinkyed her way out of her restraints and whipped out her party cannon.  Come on every pony we’re going to have a trolls alive nightmare night party she said blasting me with confetti.

(troll) Good job pinky you take care of the party while I free every pony and take all these changeling’s to the hospital.

As you can guess the freeing of the ponies was a very emotional moment filled hugging and crying as they came to terms with my not being dead.  But eventually came the moment I both looked forward to and feared seen twilight again.  She was stuck down with a very special slime that seemed to prevent her from using magic.  No other pony was stuck down with this slime it seemed to be exclusive only to her.  She didn’t say a word of first she just kept steering at me in a state of shock and disbelief.

I began preparing myself.  If she had indeed read my diary shall be thinking this is a romantic moment or something along the lines of that and I should allow her to feel happy.  If she has not read my diary she will still be feeling happy and maybe I can push all the things that happened in the past into nothing but memories and not have to deal with any awkward moments.

Twilight I asked are you OK?

(twilight)  troll you’re?  how ?

It’s a long story I said pulling slime off her horn but and legs.  The moment her legs were freed she jumped straight into my arms.  Judging from the kissy face she is making.  She either read my diary or is very happy to see me either way I pulled back attempting not to make contact.  Twilight I screamed we are in public.

I don’t care she declared forcing my arms away with her magic and making menial to the ground as she bombarded my face with what gives a faction.

OK OK twilight I’m happy to see you to I said pushing her back.

(twilight)  but troll how she said pushing past my arms and grabbing hold of me once more.

(troll) it is a long story I said thinking about how many times I’ve said it and I will explain it as soon as we get chrysalis over there and all the other changeling’s to the hospital I then jester towards chrysalis but found that despite her being unconscious rarity was interrogating her.  Not surprisingly she was looking for the cure on how to get the slime out of her hair.

I only laughed as I called off rarity and moved in to pick up the giant bug pony.  Come on you guys I grunted as I strained under the weight of chrysalis.

(rarity)  it’s nice to see you again troll but do you think next time you can come back in time to save my hair.  She said playfully giving me a hug.

As we began carrying chrysalis to the hospital I noticed granny Smith walking by dragging a very unhappy ponyling behind her.

(granny Smith)  young man you’re going to get it when we get home you hear me?  You’re going to do all of big Macs chores then you’re going to do all apple jacks and apple blooms.  Then you’re coming back and apologizing to every pony in pony vill.

(seedling)  by grandma it’s not my fault my queen told me to.  He said cowering in fear.

(granny Smith)  if your queen told you to jump off a cliff would you?

(seedling) yes yes I would.  Please granny.  He cried as she dragged him away.

I only giggled at the site and said to myself it’s great to be back in pony vill.  Dragging chrysalis to the hospital was no easy task especially since one of her guards kicked me in the face and now one of my teeth is a little bit loose and it really hurts.

Ouch I said as we flopped chrysalis on to one of the beds.

(rarity) so troll what do you plan on doing with chrysalis now?  The pony asked still attempting to remove slime from her hair.

I thought about the ways chrysalis could aid in our excursion back to my world.  We really didn’t need her but I suppose from a stepped back viewpoint she is technically on the road to becoming a good person even if she did try to take over the place.  After that small train of thought I gave my response.

Rarity I believe chrysalis is still of use to us besides without her I don’t think you’ll ever get the slime out of your hair.  Rarity seemed reassured however the other ponies were not so thrilled with my decision.

(apple jack)  she will probably just betray us again troll why do you trust her at all?

She did raise a strong argument and it did force me to think for a moment.  Well apple jack I said rubbing my swore tooth if you were shown a vision of the future one in which chrysalis is evil and the other are chrysalis a good would you not try to make every effort to make the best possible outcome come true?

Though I have not seen any such for telling I will still jump on every opportunity to do the right thing and seeing as that both of our worlds are in danger once more this seems like the perfect opportunity.

Just then chrysalis began to stir in her bed.  Her big bug eyes began to open as she sat up.

(chrysalis)  what happened she asked grabbing her head.  She then looked all around the hospital was beginning to fill with changeling after changeling badly injured or just unconscious.

(troll)  see chrysalis this is what happens when you don’t listen to me now no more being evil got it?

Troll?  She asked unsure of who I was.  But you?  Is this what you look like before you came to our world?  And how did he survive she said poking me with one of her back legs that lay sprawled out on the bed.

OK I said with a sigh looks like its story time again. Every pony gather round.  I’m seriously getting tired of telling people this story.  Don’t get me wrong it’s a remarkable story. It’s got a good strong plot.   it even has one of the best main characters with the most interesting background he is some guy you can really get behind but even with a main character who gets up every morning and urinates excellence I still get tired of telling it every single time.

And so after that I popped out of the ground and hit you in the face with a shovel which I will not be apologizing for as that was your entire fault.  I said flatly now is everyone on the same page?  I asked finally able to relax and rub my painful tooth.  Ouch I said this thing just hurts more and more.

Just then a parade of what appeared to be three different types of royal guard marched into the room.  Some were shining in golden like the ones that protect the princess.  Others were dark and shadowy I seem to recall these ones having the duties of princess luna.  The third type of guard I had no idea what was going on a scene to sparkle and had a serious thing was straight lines.  They also appeared to have quite a few crystals on them.

(nameless guard)  all hail princess Celestia princess of the sun princess luna princess of the Moon , and princess cadence queen of the crystal ponies.

After the announcement the three winged unicorns stepped into the room.  Troll!  Two of them shouted before tackling me to the ground.  As much as I enjoyed the hug their beginning to cut off my supply of oxygen and I hear you need that stuff to continue surviving so I push them both away.

(twilight)  cadence she declared jumping up to the pink pony.  Sunshine and sunshine…

As they said their hellos I stood up to look at the princess.  Hello Celestia how have you been dead since I you know died.  To my remark she only burst into tears and scooped me up.

(Celestia)  in my life I’ve been forced to watch hundreds of my beloved ponies leave never to return or still worse to return inside a wooden box.  Never have I had one that returns from the dead how?

Apparently luna did not do a very good job of filling in every one.  OK I said everybody have a seat.

Just then I was interrupted by a questioning luna.  Why is to the queen of changeling is here?  And why is there so many danger changeling’s all around us?  Telling this story is beginning to get old so of course I grew little cross.  Shut up and sit down!   I boomed.

Now then once upon a time in the magical land of troll city…

One very very very long and annoying story later…

And then I hit her in the face with a shovel.  Ouch!  I said grabbing my tooth.  There is everyone down?  Everybody’s filled in.

Just then spiked walked into the room with Octavia and vinyl.  Wow you’re right troll really is back.

HERE WE GO AGAIN!  I shouted.  Spike sit down I ordered.  Once upon a time.

(twilight)  that’s OK troll.  We can fill an him in on everything for you.

(Troll) O notch thank you twilight.  But I said grabbing my tooth again.  So princess now that I have been explained everything how long before I end the elements of harmony can leave?  Ouch.

The princess glanced out the window and sighed.  My apologies troll but you’ll not be living soon.  We were forced to close the nether gate when something called a Magna Cuba came through.  It will take us some time to get set back up again.

A magma cubes I question that’s funny I thought notch said the nether was sealed off.  Perhaps herobrine no longer has as much power as he once did.  Either way you’re probably right to destroy it.  Say what did you do with that may make you anyway?

(fluttershy)  O um…  He’s really not that bad.  A stern talking was all he needed and now he’s a well behaved little mob.

I then turn courts fluttershy.  You have it?  Where?  Flutter shy then reluctantly produced a small insulated metal box in which the magma cubes bounced happily around.  O fluttershy I thought only you can show kindness to such low some creatures.

(flutter shy)  you’re not going to take away our you troll?   She asked opening up the box and giving the queue a small quick pet.

Don’t worry flutter shy I assured her so long as the cube is not dangerous you can keep it.  Of course I will need a few eggs back.  I saw that you emptied my hen house while I was away.  Fluttershy then blushed as she smiled.

So I guess since there is nothing to do until the nether gate opens again what now?  I asked the princess.

(princess Celestia)  well troll I can’t stay long I only stop by to confirm you are indeed alive.  I did not plan on the hole chrysalis thing but you seem to have taken care of it and all the her care within your hands.  She then looked closely at my mouth.  Stung by the dentist next time you get a chance.  I must go outside and ensure all is well in pony vill after chrysalis’s failed invasion.

(cadence)  O I can’t believe that little babies back she said wrapping herself around me.

Hey I protested I don’t have any of your DNA inside me anymore you can no longer make the family claim.  I said pulling out of the hug.  In response to my argument she poked my nose.  In case you haven’t noticed she began I am now a queen I believe I can adopt whenever I wish even if they are from another world she said giving me a pat on top the head.

O yeah I said scratching the side of my head and playing with my aching tooth.  When did the whole princess thing happen?  I asked observing her shiny platoon of guards.

(cadence ) Well troll much has changed in the year you were gone but do not fear by your back now and that’s all that matters.  Now if you’ll excuse me I must get back to the crystal empire I’ll be sure to come visit very soon.

As cadence departed luna said a quick farewell which I believe was aimed more at fluttershy then myself and then she quickly walked out the door.

As they left I looked around the room there were several beds now filled with multiple changeling.  There was chrysalis’s bed of course occupied by chrysalis and then there were the group of ponies gathered in the room.  Each and every one of them stared at me expectantly.  Sure was back from the dead but this gaze seemed piercing.  It was at this point in time and began counting the ponies present.  Pinky was outside tending to the party all of equestrian royalty was either fast asleep or had left twilight rarity and apple jack stood silently steering at me fluttershy vinyl and Octavia seem to be trying not to look suspicious.  And get it what was missing?

Then I felt a small tapping on my shoulder turning my head my vision was filled with green.  I saw two black eyes and a black frowned mouth.

(Rainbowdash)  ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Notch cubes blocks and a mine cart.  I screamed as I reeled back from a floating vision of a creeper.  It was Rainbowdash she had somehow snuck out of my view during all the commotion and seek revenge in the form of a piece of cardboard and some magic marker.

Of course I was no longer standing up I was firmly placed on the ground upside down on the opposite side of the room.  Notch damn it Rainbowdash what was that for?  O wait I remember.  I turned you black and white and sent you a journey through the stars.

(Rainbowdash)  yes and I believe that was suitable punishment.  She said holding me up.

It wasn’t this point in time a pony by the name nursery heart happily escorted are allowed game ponies and square dude out of the building as she had no time for rambunctious visitors.

Ouch I said grabbing my tooth again.  What was it some pony said about dentist?  Is that something that fixes teeth?

(twilight)  well yes troll haven’t you been to a dentist before?

I shook my head no response.  What is a contest I asked is it a type of potion to fix teeth?

(Octavia)  no silly a dentist is a professional doctor who only does teeth.  Come on I had my check up yesterday is why should be safe to take you in to see her.  Does any pony else want to come with?  Octavia asked just ring to every pony.

Within seconds every single one of my so called friends vanished into thin air.  No goodbye see you tomorrow no saying I’ve got something more important to do they just ran for it.

OK what was that about I asked Octavia?

(Octavia)  well she said our dentist is a little aggressive when it comes to everyone showing up on time for their dental appointment.  I imagine they do not wish to get anywhere near the building until they absolutely have to.  But that’s what they get for allowing cavities to form.

What’s a cavity I asked?

Now for your sake all spare the conversation eye and Octavia had on the way to the so called dentist.  Instead I will merely explain to you why the prospect of a dentist confuses me.  You see I am square my teeth are square and neither of them have any imperfections ever.  It doesn’t matter what I eat how often I brush or if I ever floss.  Anything that happens to my body will repair itself with time.  In the case of my messed up tooth the preferred method of treatment is just to pull it out and let a new one grill in.  However I do not have any string or an iron golem to do that with.

So OK let’s see this dentist person or pony.

As we walked through pony vill I wave to several ponies passing by.  It would seem pinky manage to get the entire nightmare night back on track and judging from the fact I have not seen her while is probably going to plant some form of surprise party for me as soon as this night is over.

Here we are back Octavia said as she led me to the front door of strange building it was decorated with pumpkins each and every pumpkin was carved to have the perfect set of teeth like streaming through perfect spaced perfectly shaped teeth.  Aside from the occasional pumpkin with braces these perfect deluded image is scared me more than anything else in this nightmare night festival.

As we walked inside a tiny bell rang declaring our presence.  Octavia a blue mare shouted as she stepped into view.  You’re not supposed to be back here for 30 days are so.  But I can only give you good clean if you like?

No no Colgate Octavia said waving a hoof.  It’s not me who need to check up its my friend here.  The blue pony with a strip of white down her main then proceeded to inspect me.

(Colgate)  hey you are that troll bridge guy.  I’ve heard a lot about you.  Of course the things I heard said you were dead.

It’s a long story I replied.

(Octavia) well troll I imagine you can find your way without me now I’m going to go enjoy nightmare night.  As Octavia left I found myself along with the tooth cleaning pony.

(Colgate)  OK then Mr. Troll bridge please come write this way.  The chair she had me sit in was of course designed for ponies so I was not at all comfortable in it.  I looked around at all the strange tools lights and other equipment she had.

(troll)  so I said beginning conversation.  I’m going to guess you ponies do things differently with your teeth right?

(Colgate)  well I don’t really know if this were to happen back home how would you take care of it?

Well Miss Colgate a tooth knocked out of place will continue to hurt until is knocked back in place or is pulled out and allowed the new truth to grow.  Usually we just tie some string to the leg of an iron golem and then the other end to the troubling tooth.  After that we just wait for the iron golem to get excited.

To this cold he seems somewhat offended.  That’s barbaric she said arranging several instruments onto a train next to me.  She then seemed puzzled.  Wait do you say your taste grow back after you pull them?

Why yes don’t yours?

(Colgate)  well we can pull our baby teeth but after that your adult teeth are all you have unless you’re like the princess.  I suppose if your teeth just grow back then there would be no need for dentists where you live.

So I questioned how exactly does this work.  You’re not going to use all of these tools are you?

(Colgate)  no of course not.  But I do like to be prepared in case something more to go wrong.  Sometimes a routine checkup can become so much more.  All this stuff is just in case I run into any problems.  Now open wide.  She said floating a small stake with a reflective surface on it.

As I open my mouth she gasped and several of the tools she had picked up dropped the ground.  I grew very concerned seeing as it was her job to take care of teeth I imagine she must’ve saw something truly horrific.  What’s wrong I asked hastily?

Nothing cold he replied.  Absolutely nothing.  Your teeth are perfect.  It was at this point in time a little thing called personal space decided to get up and go out for coffee as two hooves then barged their way into my mouth.

(Colgate)  their perfect absolutely perfect.  They are perfectly spaced apart with no imperfections or gaps.  The top ones perfectly aligned with the bottoms and each one is sparkling white.  I imagine the purple tongue is normal for you but other than that your teeth are perfect.

She then began touching each tooth which really I expected but it wasn’t so much as an expansion as it was a leisure admiration.  I tried to hold perfectly still live but that quickly became impossible as she began taping on each one.  As for what she was looking for all never know but at any rate she eventually touched the tooth that had been driving me crazy all night.

Ouch I said as she poked the tooth.

(Colgate)  wait a moment this one is just ever so slightly away from the others.  Is this why you came to see me?

Now I’m no expert on the ability to speak but I’m fairly certain you can’t do it while the person you’re speaking to is occupying the space between your tongue and uvula.  But despite this minor inconvenience I did manage to confirm her beliefs.  I only wish she’d give me a warning for what she was about to do next.  For as quick as an arrow flies through air my tooth was ripped from my head.

(troll)  O cubes on a pickax I shrieked as my mouth filled with blood.

Before Colgate’s own eyes a new tooth quickly replaced the missing one.  Finally I said out loud thank you.  Colgate then picked up a cup of strange cold tasting liquid and poured into my mouth.

(Colgate ) swish this around then spit and the sake.

I followed her instructions and when I was done spitting out the blood and whatever it was she poured in my mouth I laid back on the chair and showed her my teeth.

Colgate then took a deep long breath.  Absolutely beautiful she said steering into my mouth.  She then got a bit excited before we finish she said a few last things.  After a while and her mucking about she pulled up a large machine labeled x-ray.  I had no idea what that meant but she seemed quite eager to use it on me.  Without telling me a thing she threw on the strangely heavy cloth over my body and put in something to keep my lips from covering my teeth.

The machine moved about and flashed four or five times after words Colgate quickly jumped over to a strange board on the wall.  I would describe the best as a red stone lamp but on the entire wall.  She was absolutely having a field day I can’t remember being so excited for something since I made my first diamond soared.  Eventually though I realized what that machine did.  Now up on the wall were several pictures of my teeth they are strangely see through and seemed to have some medical importance.

(Colgate)  absolutely perfect she said gazing at the pictures.

Now that I could finally speak I moved up behind her and asked.  So these are pictures of my teeth?

(Colgate)  O yes.  Yes they are.  There was no way you’re leaving here without me taking a few of these.  She said gazing at the photographs.  Well with teeth this perfect looks like your check up is over.  Feel free to come back any time and I do mean any time.  I suppose you want this back she said presenting a small white square tooth.

(troll)  you know I’ve lost a lot of teeth over the years and I can’t seem to remember in those six years me keeping a single one.  Why don’t you keep it?

Upon the completion of my sentence my site was filled with nothing but blue fur as I now had a small pony firmly attached my head kissing the top of it and repeating the same phrase over and over again.

(Colgate) thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you.

Now I don’t know how many thank yous she said after I left but apparently in that dentist’s office on an ordinary day when a square man visited.  Enough gratitude was expressed to tear its way through space and time leaking out onto a world that was only beginning to understand the concept of fire.  Of course with the concept of fire came the concept of cooking and with the concept of cooking came the concept of a housewife.  Those thank yous provided a enough gratitude to motivate the housewives to make the jump from fire two successful space travel without ever uttering the phrase women’s rights.  Of course this had detrimental effects on their society especially once away from the planet women began asking why do I have to do all the work.  But that has nothing to do with our story is just a fun fact I thought you might like to know.

Anyway after leaving the dentist’s office I walked through pony vill back to twilight’s as my home was currently occupied by vinyl and Octavia.  Of course seeing as that house was built for one and I would make three it made no logical sense for me to stay besides it is about time I learned to what extent twilight knew of the feelings I had back when I was affected.

Standing outside the library door I looked up at the tree.  The last friend I had that live in a tree died before my very eyes.  I have no intention of losing twilight as a friend looks like ideas had to hold honesty and understanding will win over the feelings of betrayal she will no doubt have.  OK troll I said to myself here we go.