The Rise Of A Square World

So there I lie eyes wide open not quite able to sleep yet.  Twilight was now fast asleep beside me.  She was curled up tightly between my chest and arm.  She was now wearing a pair of fuzzy pink striped socks as not to force me out of the bed with her cold hooves.  She moaned from time to time and gave me a strong squeeze like a teddy bear or childhood security blanket.

Now before you say anything shut the hell up it’s not what you think.  I had originally come to twilight’s in the hope of securing our friendship and letting her know I was not interested…  Well I wimped out.  Here allow me to explain.

Flashback time.

Knocking on the door to twilight’s I waited for a response.  Quickly the door opened and spike with a bowl of candy popped out.

(spike)  hey troll how was that dentist’s?  There’s no way am getting anywhere near her the last time she tried to pull a tooth.  Spike said with a shiver.

O it was just fine spike she seemed really glad to see my teeth I’m not sure why but anyhow do you and twilight mine if i crash here for the night.  Pony vill sold my house and now I have no place to stay.  I guess I could build a new one…

No no spike insisted.  You can stay here with me and twilight.  Come on in. I’m just giving candy to the children when they walk by.

As I looked past spike into the library I saw that the corner of books I had placed long ago was untouched the center enchantment table still sat there gathering the knowledge from all around.  Remembering that spike had a taste for jewels I thought I’d give him a real treat seeing as it is a holiday.

Spike I said pulling out an Emerald.  Here take this.  I then drop the Emerald in to spikes hands.  The little dragon then gazed into the Emerald his eyes grew wide and he looked at it with such focused hunger.

(spike)  wow troll where did you get this thing?  He asked looking up at me as if I was the provider notch himself.

(troll)  that is called an Emerald and is the form of currency in my world.  Emeralds are very rare you’re much more likely to find diamond then you are to find an Emerald.  I then paused and thought about the time he was almost choked to death on a diamond I’d given him.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the jewels from my world are much stronger than the jewels from your world.  Try to be careful while eating this one.  OK?

Spike then nodded as he began sucking on the Emerald.  His face then lit up and I thought for a moment he was going to faint apparently it was pretty good.  Just then a purple unicorn poked her head from upstairs and shouted down.

Troll?  Is that you down there twilight asked.

Yes twilight it is me I replied stepping into the library.  Twilight then Marilee hopped down the stairs to greet me.

(spike)  troll needs a place to crash four of the night.  Spike said as he enjoyed his treat.

Twilight examined the dragon and remarked on the Emerald I given him.  Troll it is awfully nice of you to give up such valued commodities for spike here.  I will have to repay you someday.

(troll)  O no twilight there is no need for that I am happy to be generous after all isn’t that one of the elements of harmony?

Yes twilight replied that it is rarity’s element.  By the way troll the princess dropped this off for you.  Twilight then presented a necklace with a diamond soared and pickax crossed over an ender pearl upon it.  It was my element of harmony.  The princess asks that you wear this at all times.  Your talent is not like the others.  It is not needed to make the elements of harmony work in fact it can even activate upon its own.  I’ve been studying it a bit and have discovered several things about this element.  Twilight said placing the necklace on me.

It did not quite fit over my armor so I happily tucked it down inside.  Really I replied what did you learn?

(twilight)  well troll the element of sacrifice has several references throughout history.  It is obviously powered by the willingness for one to sacrifice in exchange for the wellbeing of others.  Specifically you sacrificing your own life to protect all of equestrian and according to your diary me.

My eyes then shot open and I looked up to twilight who was now blushing.  You?  Did you read it?

(twilight) well troll you did handed to me in your dying moments that is kind of a big deal.  Before you say anything I don’t want to pressure you into anything.  I’m well aware that you were literally on death’s doorstep when you’re handed me that book.  Twilight said giving spike some form of signal to leave the room.

(troll) so?  Um…  This is kind of awkward.

(twilight)  please troll let me finish.  Now I don’t know if you have expressed these feelings to me if you were not dying and I won’t expect you to do anything because of it.  Basically what I’m trying to say is owl act like it never happened she said levitating down my diary.  That way if you felt comfortable enough you can ask me out if you want.  Who knows maybe I’ll say yes she said with a smile.

(troll)  twilight I said with the frown.  It’s not…  You see…  Twilight do you remember when I changed into half a pony?  I asked holding up my diary.

Yes twilight nodded.

Well things were altered when I was half a pony.  When I was a pony I ate plants and other things I would never eat.  I looked at the world through totally different eyes.  So you know before I would never eaten plans then I did eat plants and now I’ll never eat plants again.

(twilight)  so troll what are you saying?  As she said this her eyes grew big and a little watery.

Now it is in this point in time that my philosophy must be explained for is only now and looking back at this time that I understand what was going on.  Twilight did not care what I was or what I looked like.  In their world there was many different species so of course the occasional cross over was bound to happen.  In my world heroes don’t even reproduce so believe it or not it is actually quite rare for heroes to hook up with any other hero and another species is completely unheard of.

Now as much as I wanted to be out of this awkward relationship thing I couldn’t do it.  I thought about twilight and how she had lost me and I just can’t make her lose me again at least not so soon.  So before a single tear manage to roll down her face I dodged the topic completely.

(troll)  I’m just trying to make sure that you’re OK with me eating meat still?  I said with an unconvincing laughed.

Twilight then perked back up rather quickly.  O I thought you’re saying something else she said as she began walking to the kitchen.  Actually troll I was preparing for any encounters with other meet eating creatures in Equestria. Come here she demanded.

Poking my head into the kitchen I saw she was pulling out something from the refrigerator.  Have a seat she said as she blocked down a big slab of meat.  I gazed into the delicious meat in front of me.  It is sparkled as it looked lean and tender.  But then the thought entered my mind…  Twilight I asked how you procured this slab of meat?

(twilight)  O troll that will be a surprise but taste it and tell me if it’s any good.  she said pushing the peace across the table.

I looked at me now as you know I do not have a very good track record with any unknown encounter in equestrian but what can I say it’s meat how could this possibly go wrong.  Taking a bite out of it my mouth was filled with delight and wonder.  It was true meat glorious meat.

Twilight I asked what kind of meet is this?  It’s absolutely delicious.

(twilight)  I’m glad you think so.  This is Cow meet Betsy from next door was willing to donate.  As she said this I swallowed hard.

What I asked?  You kill the neighbors?  I demanded horrified.

(twilight)  O no she said I only gave her little poke with a needle after that I used a special spell I invented to grow this whole chunk of meet.  I’ve been making meet for some of fluttershys animals and I must say they quite enjoyed it.

Finally there is relief off my mind for second I thought I’d somehow turn twilight into a bloodthirsty maniac…  But wait.  Twilight I asked in my eating your neighbor right now?  Twilight only shrugged her shoulders.

Well technically yes but she’s fine and it’s totally willing so you know.  After this we had a very long discussion as to whether not it was OK for me to be eating the flesh of still living creatures rather than dead.  In the end we decided it was fine just from now on don’t tell me who I’m eating.

Ahhhhhhhh…  Meet I said picking through my teeth.  Well it’s late I need to try and find a bed.

(twilight)  O come sleep with me.  It won’t be the first time you’ve done it and I promise nothing awkward will happen.  She said walking up the stairs.

Eventually I decided it was better to man up then sleep on the floor.  Wait one a moment I said to twilight what about those icicles you call hooves?  At the mention of this rather than becoming sheepish or embarrassed she quickly scampered over to a dresser drawer and pulled out four socks that appear to be made of material unusual in clothing.

(twilight)  here we are twilight said jumping back and front me now wearing socks.  I bought these special after a little chat with…  Twilight then stopped and began thinking or at least I think that’s what she was doing.  Troll these socks are scented is that going to bother you?  She then held up one of her hooves.

Scented I thought to myself why would someone makes ended socks.  Of course then again in my world our socks do not come off and I don’t even wear socks so who am I to ask questions.  I then looked as twilight was still holding out her hoof.  I eventually got the message that she was asking me to smell them and see if they’d be OK to sleep with.  Leaning down and gave a quick sniff.  Now when someone says scented you think of flowers or that snow on a beach or live right after a storm of smells really nice right?

Well the socks were nothing like that.  My mind could not think of a good way to describe the smell that little horrendous piece of clothing was producing so only describe it as yrjchdpoooare.  And before you ask me about the typo no it was really that bad.  I have no clue what the socks were supposed to smell like when she got them but very clearly they had adopted the new smell of …  Well think of stank now through a whole bunch of nasty on top of it and I did a age inside a zombie pig man’s arm pit.

Anyway here’s where things went horribly wrong my conscience kicked in.

(white conscience)  troll don’t you dare make a reaction.  You tell her those socks smell beautiful right now and you do nothing to antagonize her I mean it’s bad enough we have to break up with her eventually. That is if you ever grow the backbone to do it.

(black conscience)  sorry what the smell made me go blind.  Dude normally I’m all for lying but I’d say on this one honesty is the best policy.

Unfortunately this is where I make a crucial mistake.  I went with trying to do what’s right.  I put on my best poker face which really isn’t that good if you’ve ever played me in poker but hoping the ponies hadn’t ever played poker I lied.

(troll)  well twilight that’s the best things I’ve smelled all day.  And I’ve been hanging around pinky pie and she smells like the bakery.  Don’t worry though I’m not going to steal your socks you can just keep them on your site of the bed and I’ll turn the upset direction.

Twilight rather than taking my compliment normally only gasped.  Wow I did not know that about you.  I always thought that was just gossip.

My square eyes then did their best attempt to turn round.  What what gossip?  I asked twilight then displaying for me a magazine on the cover it said “fleur de lis recalls her meeting the famous troll bridge”  I went on to read bits and pieces of the article.  “troll bridge a mysterious square creature that is to believed to be from another dimension.  Supposedly this bizarre life form comes from a world where everything is square.  And as our guest can attest to we do mean everything.”

That horrible pony I said to myself.  Sometimes I wake up at night and put cobblestone in front of the door.  Some say I’m crazy but I know the truth she is still out there waiting watching waltzing and other words that start with W.

(twilight)  she said during your little um…  Encounter she was wearing these socks there purposely designed to make you …  Fragrant using your body’s natural smells.  Or so the package says.  I think that there just awful smelling but if you like them I’ll be sure to wear them as often as I can she says hoping into bed.

I then had a little word with my inner conscience well several words I should say words like kill and strangle.  But of course killing my conscience would be a form of suicide.  Anyway after all that stuff was over I lied awake in bed twilight next to me occasionally she dripped one of her hooves of torts my face and I would have to initiate defensive maneuvers but other than that my thoughts were undisturbed.

Twilight was smart.  She was smart kind caring and she even catered to fetishes that I honestly didn’t have which right now is a bummer but if she was on the right track it would be cool.  I really didn’t know what to think she was literally everything I could ask for.  I mean she could even do magic and for the love of notch she makes meet how many girls do you know that can make meat.  The only down part is that she’s a pony.  I don’t know.  Every time I talk about it to anyone they seem completely confuse that I’m even having this moral dilemma like it shouldn’t matter.

I then began making a list of the differences between us.  She was round while a woman from my world would be square.  She had no breasts well she has them they just were down really low like any woman with that weird grandma skin.  Not a flattering skin to get right after noob-hood.  Then I thought of something I hadn’t discussed before in my mind.  Thinking about the grandma skin made me realize something.  Twilight will age.  My people never age. Our life expectancy is only shore because of the dangers life we live but other than that we live forever.  If I stay in this world with twilight I’ll have to watch her…  The exact same way she had to watch me but for longer much much longer and no matter what I do I wouldn’t be able to stop it.  But if I stay home and surely die with even less time to spare.

I then set up in bed and looked around the room spike said curled up in his bed still holding the Emerald it appeared completely unscathed by his constant attempts to do otherwise to it.  And other than that the room seemed quiet and calm which is not a way to describe my mind.  Stay with twilight and watch her die or go home and be there as I die.  Those were my only options and honestly I couldn’t come up with anything of course it then my thought process was interrupted by a sock reaching up to grant my head.

Twilight then pulled me back down against the bed I think her attempt was to snuggle with me but considering the order from her socks is actually beginning to impair my vision I would call it an assault.  My last thoughts before finally giving up and letting twilight hold me as we slept were simple and elegant.

Blocks……