The Rise Of A Square World

I sat alone on a swing set, there was really nothing for me to do that day.  All the ponies were getting ready for their big trip into my world. Flutter shy was off making shore her animals would be fine without her for a while Rainbowdash was making sure the weather patterns would be taking care of without her and so on and so forth.  All I had to entertain me was a pumpkin.  It had been left over from the night before and was a square pumpkin from my world the ponies seemed to really enjoy my pumpkins as they grow with their faces pre carved on them.  I can’t even hang out with chrysalis something about her needing her bed rest after me bashing her face in.

Anyway I sat alone on the swing set outside of the children’s school the children were off today or I should say foals or something.  Normally I would enjoy a long time like this to myself but there’s simply too many thoughts buzzing around my square head.  Blocks I swore to myself I need something to keep me entertained.  However I could find nothing here in equestria there are no mobs to fight or anything big that needs to be built.  Notch I’m bored I said falling back onto the ground.  O please may the heavens send something to entertain me.  For a moment the wind blew past my head as if letting me know my wish was granted and just then a shadow was cast over my eyes.  Who goes there I demand attempting to free myself from the upside down position I’d gotten myself in.

I didn’t make a very good job of it I only got one leg out of the swing set and in the and ended up flat on my head.

(cheerily)  hello troll I heard from above me.

I knew that voice in the last time I heard it well let’s not talk about that but understanding the ponies are well, the ponies I got up and looked to her.

Hello Cheerily how are you?  I asked.

Well troll she replied I’m doing much better now that you took care of all those changelings.  It’s great to see your back I really don’t know how to talk to someone who just died.  Anyway I’d like you to meet my friend.

(troll)  your friend?  I said finally giving up.  Upon rising I was finally able to gaze at the two ponies one was cheerily while the other had blue hair of two different shades and fur is really difficult to describe somewhere between yellow and brown what I think our dots or freckles on her face between her eyes.

Hello she said she seemed a little shy which is understandable considering how unusual it is for them to talk to square people.  My name is Milky Way she finally said extending forth to greet me.

(troll)  hello miss milky way my name is troll bridge.  As I shook her hoof I glanced back to observe her cutie mark.  From what I understand you can learn a lot just from gazing at someone’s cutie mark.

On her flank was some form of milk container next to it was two feathers, it was then things got weird.  For through the bottom corners of my eyes I noticed something.  Something I’d missed from my world.  Something I had every intention of gazing upon once more when I returned …And something that I had no intention or desire to see in this world.

Without thinking I shouted the words.  Without thinking I blurted them out right in front of her.

(troll) BOOBS!

That’s right this pony had a big pair of whether you believe it or not, round of all things, but nonetheless round booms.  At first my thoughts were of disgust I mean round?  Such a bizarre thought I mean round I can’t even begin to imagine what the boys here on this world think.  At any rate I eventually manage to realize I’d said boobs directly in front of the pony who possessed them and was now staring at me.

(troll)  um I mean um….

(milky way)  boobs?  I stared in horror as she continued to say the word to herself.  O she finally exclaimed that’s what you call them on your world I remembered reading something about that.  There been a lot of books on you in the past year most of which were written by twilight sparkle and lyra harp strings.  By boobs do you mean my mammary glands?

It wasn’t this point my brain did the intellectual equivalent of farting.

(milky way)  that’s what you call them right?  She asked I can only respond by the head nod which neither confirmed nor denied her suspicion.  I really wish my brain didn’t have such a long reboot process otherwise I could defend myself for what came next.

(milky way)  anyway I suppose there’s no point in beeting around the bush.  Not too many stallions and this world are comfortable around me and when I was talking to Charlie she mentioned that this was something you like in your world.  So when I was wondering was?...  Would you like to go out some time?

(trolls conscience’s)  what the FUCK?  Quick troll move.  Do something don’t say yes or no.  Just distract them think you idiot move.  Do something.  The voices screamed inside my head.

Reacting as I would deep underground when stumbling upon a monster spanner I reacted quickly.

(troll)  oh my god look at that distraction!  I screamed pointing my finger off into the distance.  As soon as the two ponies looked away I used a Teleport.  Now here’s where things went a little wrong and let me start by explaining so you understand what’s happening.

Back before all this crazy pony stuff began I was a fighter who loved using Ender pearls.  Now using an Ender pearl is very simple as you probably already know you threw it and wherever it breaks is where you go it hurts a little bit to do so but a very experienced person like myself doesn’t care.  Now when I was a pony I just did it know throwing no pain just magic.  And now I do that same process but like an enderman so I’m not quite use to it yet.  What all three of these have in common is that I must designate a point with which to go.  This time I didn’t…

As my consciousness and my body were scattered throughout the space of the ponies I felt a bizarre force pulling on me.  It screeched over and over again with an impossible to describe sound.  even more was pulled until finally with a thud I fell onto a metal grate.  Over top of me I could hear voices but I was unable to move completely paralyzed by the amount of pain I put on myself.

the voices spoke to one another in what seemed to be some form of panic there’s so much noise the banging of metal and that strange screeching noise.

(Doctor)  Derby quick start looking I don’t know what the T.A.R.D.I.S. locked on to but whenever it is she decided to pick it up.  With the end of the sentence the entire room through itself about rolling me around on the great beneath them.

(derby)  Doctor What you mean she picked something up?  and wait why is it a she?

(Doctor)  Well why aren’t you a he?  That’s not important right now!  Whenever she picked up was powerful very powerful and it could have been dangerous.  Now find it look inside every been and peeled every banana solve every rubik’s cube until we find it.

(dinky)  docy…

as I finally managed to roll over believe me a very difficult feat when your square I looked up at the ponies walking above me.  One of them was brown and a boy.  Believe me I’d be happy to finally hang out with a guy for once.  His cutie mark was an hourglass.  The last pony I met with a cutie mark like that said it stood for making a person’s teeth last a very long time and some other health dental based dribble.  Seeing as he’s called Doctor I can only assume he is also a medical professional.

The next pony was a gray Pegasus with blond hair and had the cutie mark of bubbles I have no idea what that could possibly mean but nonetheless she was accompanied by an even smaller pony which she appeared to be a very tiny child.  The child was without a doubt the most adorable little cute unicorn on the planet.  But she was so tiny she was sitting on top of a small cardboard box looking down at me.

(Doctor)  Hurry derby we will be arriving very soon and we must figure out what the TARDIS picked up!

(derby)  I’m looking as fast as I can.  She said emptying a box filled with some of the strangest knickknacks and objects I’ve ever seen.

(Dinky) mommy square…  The little pony said pointing towards me.

(derby)  not now sweetie the Doctor has gotten us into trouble again.  She said glaring at the Doctor.

(Doctor)  That don’t look at me like it’s my fault he said dumping out a box and full of smaller boxes which in turn were filled with even smaller boxes which in turn were filled with tiny ceramic trees.

(dinky)  docy  mommy look square.

(Doctor.)  Easy now dink.  I may be old fashion but I’m not that old fashion.  Kids today so obsessed with the way people look.

Finally the little pony became cross and jumped down from her perch on top of the small cardboard box.  With the two other ponies digging through various containers of all shapes and sizes and pulling out only notch nose what.  She bravely foraged on straight for me.  She walked down a small ramp and slid down a poll before finally jumping on top of me.  She was so small I could barely feel it but I was at long last face to face with a tiny pony.

(dinky)  Mr. Muffin is square man bad?  She then presented forward a very small muffin bed appeared to be made out of cloth as some form of toy.  She then squeaked it several times next to her ear.

(troll)  hello their little thing I said to the small muffin she stuffed up close to my face.  The muffin was about half her size and had noticeable stitching all across it.  She looked rather adorable holding something that was almost the size of her as to where she got it from all never know it seemed to just appear with a flash of her horn which was just a small bump that pokes through her hair.

(dinky)  OK Mr. Muffin square man is good.  She then began exploring around the wide surface that was my chest.  Her hooves clacked and clinked against my armor but eventually she turned around to face me.

(troll)  I don’t suppose you could get the attention of those two?  I said to be displaying the fact that I could not move very well.

The tiny pony smiled as if knowing some form of trick or scheme.  But after words she merely sat down on my chest give a small cough as if to clear her throat and then very softly weekly and almost to the point where it was even quieter than a pin dropping inside the room of noisy engines and shaking boxes she said only one thing.

(dinky)  ouchy…

Everything and I mean everything, the boxes, and the metal the screening of the engines, all stopped as if they were magnetized to my presence both ponies were now looking straight down through the greats directly at me.  The heat from their glaring eyes burned through my armor.

(troll)  thank you miss?

(dinky)  dinky she replied.

Before I knew what was happening the blond pony scooped up the child and the other one was now pointing a strange blue light in my face.  Who are you?  He demanded looking me up and down.

(derpy)  Doctor. I think that’s troll bridge?  She said placing dinky upon her back.

The Doctor Then began examining me top to bottom.  Square head, square legs square arms and I have the sneaking suspicion that the air you breathe a square at least until it comes out?  This is amazing.

(troll) the well thank you and things for picking me up with your what every you call this.

Then the doctors happiness turn to something more of concern for anger.  No he shouted this is not amazing this is bad you don’t exist!  He demanded.

I only stared at him confused.  Well I mean obviously you exist but you’re not supposed to I mean there was one day minding my own business traveling through space and time when suddenly I see you in history books.

(troll)  um OK and?  I said confused trying to ignore the fact he just mentioned time travel.

(Doctor)  Well yes obviously you exist now but before when I went to the future before this happened you didn’t exist you weren’t there.  All the sudden you just appeared written in every history book I could find it was like you’re always there always meant to be.  But before this moment there’s no way to find any trace of you it was like you just appeared.

(troll)  I’m confused I said did I do something wrong?  I asked looking around the room.

(derpy)  O just get used to it he never fully explains anything.

(Doctor.)  I explained everything you just don’t understand it.  You see the all of time is a great big ball of Whitley wobbly time-y wime-y… stuff.

(troll) OK just one for a moment what exactly are you saying?  Explain to me slowly.

(Doctor) ignore all of reality and only focus on my time line there was a point in my life when no matter how far in the future I went or how far in the past there was no physical possibility of us meeting ever.  A one even have mattered I’d come to this exact moment or the exact moment in which you arrived in pony vill you would not have been there.  But one day you just appeared and now when I travel to time you’re mentioned in books and literature and it’s almost impossible to think of but you just appeared.  so basically what I’m saying is you’re not possible.

Of course you guys know not very smart so rather than taking on the subject of how I could not exist and yet still exist I merely nodded my head up and down in order to signify I understood him.  So I asked who exactly are you and where we going and furthermore head I get here.

Just then the doctor perked up well my tardis picked up on some strange energy readings coming from the Moon.  I plan on going there to investigate.  My ship also detected you sending out some strange form of energy and as response picked you up.

Finally it clicked in my head as to what happened.  O I declared you mean this.  Just then I popped from where was standing to right next to Derpy.  That was my teleportation.  When I was Teleporting I forgot to designate a place to go your ship must’ve picked me up in response or something.  Does that sound scientific enough?  I asked.

The Doctor laughed and then approached me.  So then Mr. Troll bridge how exactly did you cross over the dimensions in the first place I’ve been looking into it quite a bit ever since you’ve just appeared so far it does not make any sense as to how you did it.

I paused and thought to myself for a moment.  Let me think I said I just threw an ender pearl like I always do and then it sent me here I guess.

The Doctor then pulled out several instruments and began flashing them all around me.  amazing he remarked a creature from reality so far away from our own that the physical laws of their world are completely different.  I think I know what happened she said picking up two beach balls which had been emptied out of the boxes earlier.  I think of this beach ball like our world and think of this peach bowl as your world he said juggling the two.  Now imagine this there all in a swimming pool and though they can touch a space inside of them can never exchange from one to the other but their free flowing two beach balls can touch one day and then can be on the opposite side of the pool the next.  You somehow define all odds drop that little perl thing in just the right spot to hit our world.  Now normally nothing can survive the water in between the beach balls but you skipped entirely with that pearl thing which is actually quite amazing.  Now are worlds seem to be permanently locked together unable two separate but still Dracula slays separate. Travel between them is difficult but not impossible.

Just then the ship began making a huge amount of noise before finally slamming to a stop.

(dinky)  yeh  Moon.

(troll)  the Moon you say?  Tell me Doctor why were you going to the Moon?  I asked reaching my hand for one of the controls only to have it slapped away by derby.

(the Doctor)  well it’s kind of what we do we just show up in places that seem to be undergoing something strange like…Some groundbreaking research to change the whole of reality or every single pony suddenly buying the same pointless bits of jewelry only to find out they’re part of an interstellar marketing campaign bent on selling the planning cabbage insurance.  One time we even stopped an entire invasion a very small cubes.  No offense.

None taken I said looking at the wooden door with some form of device placed upon it.  Is that the way out?  I asked pointing to the door.

(doctor)  why yes how their lives the Moon control but princess luna and completely untouchable by any other pony except for us he said with a giggle.  He then quickly darted of down a strange hatch and began rummaging around to all the joke.  Now then he declared where are the suits? I know I left them down here.

Suits I thought to myself.  The Moon is a deserted wasteland or at least that’s what I’ve been told why would you need to be formal for it?  Anyway as derby, dinky and the Doctor Began putting on some the funniest looking dress entire I’d ever seen I got curious and decided to walk over to the wooden door which led outside.

As the Doctor and are being were arguing about how big he got in her suit backwards most of the argument consisting of the phrase I just don’t know what went wrong I made my way to placing my hand upon the knob of the door.

OK troll I said to myself to going to be the first hero in outer space.  of course now that I think about it going into outer space is not very impressive especially in the contents of my life thus far but this is still an achievement and I should think of memorable first words to say as I step out onto the Moon.

Let me think I said to myself…  Asked a non what the Moon can do for you ask what you can do for the Moon.  No no I said that will never do.  This is one small step for troll one giant leap for…  Know that’s no good either.

I was in the middle of thought when you’re splitting sound began screaming at me.

(the Doctor)  what are you doing!  He screamed.

Looks like the Doctor wants to be the first out on the Moon I thought.  Well whatever catch phrase comes out of my mouth is the one that’s gonna stick.

I then flung open the doors and jumped out onto the lunar surface.

(troll)  it’s FUCK your shit o’clock I said is I leaped out side.

As the door swung open I was greeted with a sight of the world I’d just been on it was a blue and calm hanging within a black sea of stars.  Rather than immediately falling to the ground as would be the nature of my leap I floated in the air to grab me a strong enough to pull me down.  I had a lot of time to examine the beautiful site before finally I plopped into the lunar dust which covered the sphere.

(derby)  Mr. Troll!  what are you doing you are going to die!  She screamed.

I then realized the as to why they were putting on those silly suits.  There’s no air and space and I was forced to hold my breath.  Of course if you’ve ever visited the underwater cities on my world you know how to quickly craft a door locally I had some would and crafting table on me so quickly I slammed the door on to the lunar surface and stood within its bounds.

Panicked the Doctor read about to inspect me well I wouldn’t say run as due to the nature of the Moon he was forced to bounce.  He seem to be very concerned.

(Doctor)  what are you doing?  You back inside before your head explodes!  His panic however then slowed as he examined the fact that I was now breathing.  What?

(troll)  hello Doctor it’s a nice walk isn’t it.

(doctor)  what?

(troll)  are you just going to keep saying what?

(doctor)  what!

(troll)  you seem to be confused have perhaps I troll you?

(Doctor)  how are you breathing space is a vacuum there is no air.

(troll)  why I put down the door now I can breathe.  The doctor looked confused.

(Doctor) but how did you survive the pressure?  He asked.

I thought about his question for a moment and realize what he was talking about and had to explain that pressure really wasn’t a factor with my people best example is the fact we walk around underwater with no more than doors to protect us.

The Doctor at now standing right next to me within the doors area was examining the air that are something else I really don’t know what he was doing.  It’s not possible he remarked what is stopping the air from just being sucked away?

(troll) Doctor did you ever go to school?  It is physically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space of the same time so long as the door is here space is not.

The Doctor only looked at me as if I told in the sky was purple.  But eventually he only broken laughter O well he declared I’m sure that’s not the only thing that’ll have me in puzzles.

(derpy) doctor the cross eyed pony called out running towards us.  You forgot the machine attract the energy readings.  She declared holding up a small square device with flashing lights all over it.

The gray pony then focused on the little box as he remarked.  Yes well no time for puzzling questions about our friend here.  He said looking at the small machine.  It would appear the strange electrical readings are coming from directly below us.  Now then every one fan out I’m certain we can find some way down look for any kind of switch or secret lever.

I then watch the ponies as they began looking underneath every rock they could find dinky being the most enthusiastic of them began looking underneath small pebbles for some form of one or switch.  I cannot help but sigh at the tiny ponies bonds we going back and forth as she tried the big.  That’s so cute I said to myself.  Then I thought struck me.  I have a pickax.  Wiping out some would I quickly sent to work making a trapdoor and placed it into a whole I dug.

(troll ) Dinky I shouted why don’t you come with me?  I asked poking my head outside the whole.  The tiny pony stopped her digging and saw my plan.

(dinky)  square man is smarter than Docy Mr. Muffin she said two her toy as she jumped into the hole.

once she was inside I began widening the whole I found I did not need to hold my breath as the trap door was more than adequate for keeping up the vacuum of space.  Something unsure twilight would give me a few lumps on the head for as she seems to be rather enthusiastic about keeping the laws of physics unbroken.  dinky I said you can take off your suit now it’s safe.  The little pony complied and quickly tossed off the small amount of glass and fabric which surrounded her.

(dinky) ha ha ha the square man digs wholes very fast.  she said as she gave Mr. Muffin another squeak.

Just then I heard the puzzle voices of the doctor and dirpy.

(the doctor)  oh my troll what have you done now?  he said opening up the trap door and looking inside.

Derpy followed close behind accidentally pushing him into the hole.  Whoops my bed she said picking herself up.  The doctor quickly got up and looked around.  oh my dinky how are you breathing without your suit on?  The doctor said

Simple my dear doctor the hole is being blocked by a trapdoor.  The doctor then looked up and saw the trap door was open.  But the doors open wide as the heir not going out the door if the doors open?  he asked in a very aggressive manner.

(troll)  how many times do i have to explain this doctor two things cannot occupy the same space at once.  The air cannot escape because the door is in the way it doesn’t matter whether not it’s opened or closed.  The as mouth only dropped as he looked to derpy for some support in his argument.  However she offered none.

Well now I said out loud looks like I have a bit of digging to do I’ll get started.  The doctor derby and dinky then stared on in amazement as I quickly formed a spiral staircase leading straight down.  As I did this I sang.

“I’m a troll and I’m digging a hole.

Diggy, diggy, hole.

I’m digging a hole.”

It was not long before dinky jumped down into the hole in order to sing with me the doctor and dirpy following close behind.  I must’ve went down pretty deep as some of ponies that is derby and the doctor got tired after while from walking behind me the whole way.

dinky of course had no such problem as she was quite happy resting on top of my head.  But nonetheless my pickax stopped eventually at a large sheet of solid metal which splayed out in the form of a very thick floor.

Cool I said that if banging against the metal with my hand.  The doctor began examining the floor.  Solid he said this thing is solid metal and is quite thick.  He then licked the surface.

(derby)  doctor!  she shouted don’t just like things that you find on the Moon.  The just as soon as for outburst had begun it was over and she’d given up trying to control the pony.

(doctor)  it would appear there is something inside of this it’s hollow deep within.  Troll he asked can you dig through solid metal?

Of course I can I said making short work and getting a lot of iron from the floor.  Soon we fell smack dab in the middle of some kind of control center.  What appeared to be armored ponies surrounded us.

(dinky)  mommy!

The doctor derby and Dinky all grouped close together as they looked ready for a fight.  Troll the doctor shouted get ready these guys are not friendly.

(troll)  who are they?  I asked looking around at all the armored ponies.

(the doctor)  “Cyber Equine.”