A not quite Equestrian adventure

AN: Lukes thoughts will be in light blue

On the floor in my room

The lavender blob turns into a unicorn mare, smiling holding an object I'm too tired to recognise

I mumble, “Meh, morning Twilight.” And close my eyes and roll over to try and sleep.

…

…

Processing…

Error… Malfunction… Reboot from start.

…

…

Reboot complete...  run SHITABRICK.exe

“WHAT THE FUCK” I jump out of my towel bed and do a running jump to behind the pony bed, it being so low I have to lie down to hide but it is to short so my legs stick out at the end.

The moment I lift my head back up a blue blur pins me back to the floor and yells in my face “How do you know Twilight? Are you a SPY?” I couldn’t help myself but squee at her.

This only made matters even more awkward, for me anyway excluding the fact that I am half nude.

I lift Rainbow Dash up, to which she struggles and protests, then huffs in frustration when I place her on the pony bed, and I notice that she has a faint blush, I would hug her right now if it weren't that I'm in the most awkward of positions.

In my embarrassment, about being half nude, I blush really hard and try to cover up as best as I can and look for my clothes. To their confusion.

I find them quickly enough and I rush into the bathroom, which thankfully is part of my room suite, and I hastily put my clothes on and brush my teeth and hair and wash the blush out of my face.

When I am considerably decent enough I go back into the room to a bunch of near angry ponies, except Pinkie and Fluttershy but that was to be expected. they must have waited for at least twenty minutes.

“Okay first things first… How the hell did you get in MY room?” I say before they bombard me with questions.

“You didn’t lock the door silly.” exclaims pinkie, I facepalm and think ‘why didn't I think of that?'

“Because you didn’t think we’d be here.” I look at her and think ‘can she read my mind?’

“Nope that’s just silly filly, I’m just reading the what he's writing.” she points into the sky.

On Earth. in England.

*the Author* "holy fucking shit she's fucking pointing at me." *punches the computer and cries*

Back in Equestria

I give her a deadpan look, then just shrug knowing it’s just Pinkie.

“Okay now we need to change the subject, any volunteers?” I say, knowing that it’ll be Twilight.

“Yes.”

‘KNEW IT’

“How do you know who I am?” Twilight asks.

“TV,” I deadpan, “Any other questions?”

“Yeah ah do, what’s this TeeVee mahwhatsit?” in the unmistakable accent of a southern American farmer that is Applejack.

I tell them what a TV's are and describe to them how they work to the best of my ability, until twilight asks again, “you haven’t told us how you know who I am.”

I panic and start to sweat nervously cause I don’t know how they’d react to the information I am about to part with them.

Then all of a sudden the rarest thing happens, Fluttershy speaks! “Umm… I like to know how you know who we are as well… that is if… well if you… never mind.” She gets quieter and quieter after each word until the last word was barely audible. My heart sinks and melts then evaporates when I see her do this and I almost cry from the amount of cute and adorableness emanating from her.

I suddenly have a strange impulse to go onto my knees and beg for forgiveness but I fight it off and wipe the moisture forming on my eye and I sit down on the centre of the bed to tell them everything, and it breaks.

After a few minutes of Fluttershy asking if I'm ok and me panicking about the broken bed and trying to fix it, 'knew it'd bloody break,' I settle back down again along with the others, this time not breaking anything.

I carefully explain to them about MLP:FIM and what I know and don’t know and answer most of their questions, being careful not to go into more personal matters like the pinkie promises and that i have all their characters in my appartment. Upon telling them about how famous they are in their world rarity lights up like a light bulb and RD just beams, whereas Fluttershy looks around to see this invisible onlooker, to which I tell her that they won’t be watching your every move cause that’s just creepy.

I then tell them about the fan fiction sites and some of the stories that are on there, and when I talk about twilight somehow inheriting alicorn powers, to which we all laugh and, Twilight gives a nervous laugh like you do when you’re in an area you don’t particularly like, I keep this to myself and decide to bring it up at a later date.

Fluttershy then asks “Umm… what’s your name sir? And… well… umm… And, how did you get here? That is… if you don’t mind…umm… please.”

“The name’s Luke your highness and it’s an honour to be in your presence.” I say bowing when I pronounced ‘your highness’ and smile when she tries to explain that she’s not a princess and tries to hide. I then sigh and tell them “that’s it. You've reached the limit I’m afraid. Cause I don’t know how I got here.” I sigh again and take a deep breath and say, “all I know is that one minute I’m helping an injured animal on earth, the next I’m rugby tackled and I’m knocked out and lo and behold I wake up in Equestria with an angry Daring Doo and Baltar the lion thing.”

This time it’s rarity who speaks, “Wait a second darling, where’s this Earth you speak of? I’ve never heard of that place before.”

“That’s because there is no place in Equestria called earth.”

I watch the realisation dawn on her, “you can’t possibly be suggesting that you have come from beyond Equestria.” I nod and she pulls out a red couch and faints onto it. 'how the hell can she do that. fucking drama queen magic. I want some.'

“So what. your no from Equestria big deal ”

"well the 'big deal' is that I'm not even from the surrounding regions. or to put it simply I'm not even from this planet."

there is a collective gasp and rarity proceeds to faint on the couch whilst lying down, so didn't produce that much of an effect. Rainbow Dash just looks sceptical. Pinkie bounce around talking about the party's she'll create.Fluttershy hides behind Applejack. Twilight looks like she's about to take a dump. and Applejack just says nonchalantly, as if she deals with this thing every day, "so your an alien"

I gaze into the distance and say “well if you put it that way I am in fact an alien, hey on the topic of aliens, what did you guys think an alien would look like?”

“Ooh ooh oh oh ooh, they could be giant lizard thingies with tentacle all over it, and with a face like BLEAAAGGHHH, and it could be all RAAARRGGHHH, and, MMGHH MGHGGH MGH MMMGHHHGHH.” Pinkie acts out the weird actions to show that it’s an alien until Applejack shoves her hoof in her mouth.

“Ah think he gets it pinks. Besides you don't want to ruin any alien party ya'll throw in the future do ya now.”

I and everyone else laugh at this, until Daring knocks on the door and says “are you decent?”

I call out “no give me a sec” I look at Rainbow dash and whisper to her “would you like to meet Miss Doo.” And I Watch her face as it turns from puzzlement to pure excitement.

I watch as Rainbow opens the door and I laugh when I see Rainbow squeal with glee and ask for an autograph whilst rambling on about how much she likes her books. “Sure what do you want me to sign and do you have a pen.” I laugh even harder when I see Dash’s face when she realises she doesn’t have anything for Daring to sign or sign with. Daring looks around the room and sees the mares currently occupying the room.

The two faces turn to see me laughing ‘like a boss’ and I don’t look to see their faces turn from their previous expression to anger, but I don’t care as it was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

-Ten minutes later-

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKK” I scream as I run around the corner of another alleyway that just happens to be there just like any other chase scene in any action movie. I now have four rather large bruises from being bucked by two mares out of the third story building out onto a passing cart, thankfully it broke my fall so that I now have hundreds of splinters in my spine to match the glass in my spine when I crashed through the window to get there. I currently have two very angry mares with wings chasing me, one probably thinking that I’m sleeping with other mares, the other for embarrassing her in front of her hero.

I skid round another corner, narrowly missing Daring from bucking me to the heavens, and jump over a cart passing the road like a hurdle, “ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit.” I jump behind a cart to dodge an incoming missile, aka Rainbow Dash, and lurch into another side street.

“HELP MEE-HE-HEEEEE” I yell. I tried to get my wings like I did back when I was in those caves but it doesn’t seem to work so I’m reduced to just plain running.

“GET BACK HERE SO I CAN BUCK YOU INTO TATARUS YOU FILTHY APE!” in a voice that puts Luna's royal canterlot voice to shame.

“HECK NO I DON’T WANNA DIE” I scream back. I jump onto a cart and launch myself to vault over the roof, but lady luck has other plans.

Just as I reach the pinnacle of my flight ‘the missile’ rockets into my side and I’m thrown onto the ground, coughing up a little blood as my back makes contact with the ground, forcing the splinters and glass shards deeper into my back.

I roll onto my front to relieve the pain in my back, if only mildly, and try to get back up. But all my adrenaline is wasted, from what feels like hours of flat out sprinting, and the pain in my back is becoming unbearable, and breathing is so difficult it’s as if I’m breathing through a plastic bag. I slump back down to the ground my energy completely wasted and I can't hold my eyes open no matter how hard I try, the last thing I hear is “oh buck.”

… In the Depths of the weird place that is my mind, ‘I HEARD THAT’

It’s almost pitch black yet I can see everything around me as clear as day.

I see my selves running round doing weird shit like singing the banana phone song and playing twister and… smoking weed? ‘duuude I think I’m seeing poniiees’

…… My mind is a fucked up place, they all look at me, “what its true” I say. They shrug and I continue to think over what I know and don’t know.

‘Well I know that I can’t bring my wings up when I want but when they are needed,’ I think, ignoring the bored looks from the other ME’s. ‘But they don’t come out when I need them either. Gah this is so frustrating, it just doesn’t make any sense!’ I punch the nearest ME in the face sending him sprawling on the floor and try to resume my thinking. ‘Okay so what did I think about when I was in those caves well one was anger the other was…

FUUCCK the one time I want to remember something and I can’t. It’s just another coincidence… bloody hate coincidences… Whelp guess I’m gonna have to mingle with me.’

“Who wants to play Halo 3” as I summon some consoles and a large number of controllers, and a lot of TVs… it’s my mind I can do whatever the fuck I want.

-15 games later-

“Yeah! Screw you luck, I got me.” I say after I win the last game which is my only win so far, anger won twice and luck won the rest.

I do a triumphant dance, when I suddenly feel a sharp jab in my rib and all the ME’s disappear. I fall to the floor in a blinding amount of pain until it subsides to mild agony, when another jabs strikes me like a harpoon.

I raise my arm to protect me from any other jabs from the unknown assailant. it is painful but I still manage to pull against the hundred tonne mountain that is my arm.

“Hey he’s stirring… How’re you doing Luke?” I recognise as Twilight.

“like I’ve been hit by a truck.” I open my eyes to a bright white room and Twilight, a nurse and a very concerned Fluttershy looking at me.

“What’s a truck?” Twilight asks.

I think ‘eugh I don’t care, I hurt too much’

“Never mind.” I say still groggy, probably from the drugs hooked up in my arm keeping the pain away.

“Well we’re glad you’re ok, and I think two certain someponies have something to say.” Twilight says pointing behind me.

I look to my right to see two very worn out ponies, both with puffy red eyes and very sad expression on their faces. Daring looks like she would jump into my arms but she hesitates, and she says “I’m so sorry Luke, I didn’t mean any of what I said, twilight told me everything and now that I know it’s a big misunderstanding, I feel all the worse about It.” She looks like she’s about to start crying again and her head droops down.

I find it funny that I don’t feel angry in the slightest towards her, or rainbow dash, but in fact seeing how sad they are makes me want to cry they are too adorable, ‘God damn ponies nearly kill me and I feel sorry for them’ my logic says. I push that thought out of my mind as I reach out.

Everyone flinches, Daring even more so as I touch her. I slowly begin to massage behind her ear and her expression turns into a face of pure bliss. She gives out a small moan oblivious to the other mares in the room and she relaxes into the nice massage that I’m giving her. Everyone just gawks at her and I laugh at the expressions they’re making and I say to Daring “you are forgiven.” And I turn to Rainbow Dash and say “no need to apologise Rainbow Dash, I forgive you too” and with that I draw them into the biggest hug I could give them, giving Dash the same treatment as Daring, she too flinches when I touch her but it quickly turns into ecstasy when I massage her behind her ears where the neck joins the head.

Everyone in the room smiles and joins in the hug oblivious to the pain there’re causing me, mostly pinkie though whose arms manage to extend around everyone and hug us all simultaneously. 'just don't even try to think about it, I'll only get a headache... speaking of headaches, I've just managed to get one... Fucking pinkie and her devil worshipping powers of anti-physics.'

Thankfully the nurse notices my discomfort and tells everyone to back off, and drags pinkie away to prevent her from jumping onto me.

I ask “so what happened after I went unconscious?”

Twilight eager to help as always says “Well Rainbow Dash and Miss Doo-“

“Daring is just fine twilight” the said pony interrupts.

“Yes, well Rainbow Dash and Daring saw your body and realised their mistake of how much stress your body could take, plus the fact that you were bleeding out.” She shudders, “when the rest of us caught up with them two and saw you, Fluttershy here, “she points to the hiding figure of Fluttershy. “made sure you were okay until you reached the hospital. From here I think it would be best to let nurse Blue Heart here to tell you your condition.”

“thank you twilight. Now then, when you got here some of us were getting ready to leave after the night shift and a few of the early shifts were walking in. you came in just before our very own Dr. Hoofbeat, who thankfully mastered the operation we had to do on you which saved your life.”

I give her a quizzical look as if to say ‘what do you mean save me?’

She goes over the operation that took place, answering any questions that I threw at her like the injuries I got. Turns out that they only punctured my lungs in five places chipped my spine in three places and dislocated my left shoulder.  She checks on my condition on the heart monitor for the final time and tells me “the doctor will arrive shortly to talk to you.” And with a quick farewell she leaves me and the rest of the group to chat.

I talk with them about lots of little things like books in my world and fashion and the types of apples there.

by now the sun is about its own width away from the horizon.

Out of the blue Rainbow Dash asks “so what about your family? aren’t you gonna miss them?” I felt cold.

Rarity notices my reaction and scolds Rainbow Dash for bringing up such a hard thing to talk about, I ignore them I just stare into the distance. I remember the violent death my father had, the memory haunts every one of my dreams and rules over my nightmares.

I ignore the worried looks I’m getting and think ‘this is not a good idea this isn’t ground your familiar with, you could lose your friends.’ I look at the ponies, ‘could I call them friends?’ I think for a few moments before I shake myself mentally ‘of course they are my friends and they do care for me plus they deserve to know’ I swivel myself off the bed and sit up straight pain stampeding down my back.

The ponies move to help me but I ward them off, ‘I have to do this’ I think to myself. I stare at Rainbow Dash and a small tear escapes my eye before I could stop it. “I have no family” every pony gasps at this, except Rainbow Dash who merely nods sadly. “my mother died when I was born, I never knew her. My father was with me for the best seven years of my whole life. We did everything together camping fire making you name it we did it.” A smile crept up on twilights face, a creepy one. I notice this and glare at her, “not Everything, everything twilight.” Despite the sad atmosphere everypony laughs and she blushes, a little embarrassed about being caught being dirty minded, and I smile a little too mumbling “dirty girl.”

I continue with the story, “when I was nearly eight a police officer and the principal came into my maths class, I was mocked a little by a pupil there saying that my daddy was in trouble. In a sense he was absolutely correct, he was in more trouble than I would expect. I was taken to the hospital out of the request of my father, and I entered the ward he was in. now I’ll spare you the details but his death was not a pleasant one, and I saw him lose to… it.” I shudder remembering the painful memories, “I didn't see him die exactly but I knew he was in a lot of pain. I was taken in by a man who said he knew my father and gave me a flat to use. I didn't see much of him after that and I never got close to many people since. I only had few friends only four or five at most. But there were never any true friends, just people in my life. I just couldn't lose anyone else so I push them away if only to protect myself.”

Everyone was sad in the room even the unnaturally happy pinkies hair has drooped down and was straight, but poofs back up again as she says, “but we’re your friends now right and we’ll make you the bestest party ever to stop you from feeling all alone ever again right guys” the room fills instantly with a chorus of yeses and smiles at the thought of a party and a new friend. But no-one in the room could be happier than me.

I cry manly tears and hug pinkie, thanking her for being so kind and for being so welcoming and she returns the hug.

Fluttershy asks me “why are you crying?”

I look to them and say “these aren’t tears of sadness these are tears of happiness” I put every bit of emotion I could into my voice.

Before she could hide I grab her and pull her into a hug as well and she ‘eeps.’ I massage her behind her ear to make her relax. she flinches but she then lets out a long “ahhhhhhhhh. I see why they enjoy this so much this is wonderful.” She leans into my embrace and nuzzles my neck. I smile and continue to hug her. She’s really soft it’s just like a cloud or like a really soft cushion with fur. She smells like freshly cut grass and budding flowers I am almost in bliss just sitting there hugging her.

I reluctantly let go of the relaxing pony and move back to my bed, or beds they put four of them side to side to give me enough room, and lay down, rather painfully. Twilight helps by lifting me up and placing me down slowly, it helps but it is still painful to lie there.

I yawn at the same time as twilight and smile, “I wonder what happened to that doctor the nurse sent here.”

I am answered by the stallion that materialises to the right of my bedside “my you still haven’t noticed me enter yet.”

I give a yelp of surprise and swear “may you burn in the pits of… oh... umm sorry.” I frown at the pony standing next to my bed and put on my best stereotypical black man voice “Man what the hell is wrong witchu? you almost gave me a heart attack.”

He laughs and responds with “there is nothing wrong with me I assure you. In fact I was here for the past two minutes. But I see you are doing perfectly well I am surprised to see you awake yet alone up and about this soon the damage your body took was staggering to say the least. You are also the first non-pony I treated if it weren't for Fluttershy here pointing out you were an omnivore you may not have had enough liquid in your system to survive. and what is a man may I ask?.”

Everyone, except Daring and the doctor, stares at Fluttershy, now out of the trance she fell in when I massaged her, in disbelief and they take a step back away from me.

I stammer, unable to think of how she knew my eating habits, “h-how did you… I mean… j-just how?”

She squeak’s  “well um… it was easy you see… well your teeth gave you away, as I work with all creatures, I just know what they eat.”

I shrug and turn to the ponies who look like they saw a ghost “don’t worry I pinkie promise I will not eat anypony unless provoked to the extreme.” I perform the ritual and the moves to go with it and the tension in the air visibly relaxes.

I respond to the doctors question "technically my race is a human. Hence the 'man' for the male. And woman for the female counter part of our race. I am a man or stallion if you still don't understand."

I hear hoofsteps behind the double doors leading out of the room and watch as the nurse enters.

“alright visiting time’s over he needs to rest now if you want him to recover.” She then waits for everypony to leave making sure that they all leave me alone so that I can go to sleep including the doctor.

The last pony to leave is Daring, she looks at me again and sighs “well I’ll see you in the morning Luke.”

“yeah… see ya” the tension in the air builds and I rub my shoulder in nervousness. This is broken however when the nurse gives a frustrated humph.

I look back at Daring who lurches into my face and kisses me.

...

…

Brain meltdown complete.

She removes her lips from mine and blushes a deep shade of scarlet

“hub puuhh” 'smooth move jackass.'

Before I could come up with a more appropriate sentence Daring zooms out the door and the nurse gives a suppressed giggle. And leaves, closing the door quietly, so I am left alone to my own thoughts. Which is now a pile of goo in a bucket. I look to the wall for five minute seeing if will tell me this is all a dream and I now have to repeatedly hit my head against it so I can wake up.

It doesn’t.

My brain slowly brings its lazy ass into gear and I look towards the entrance, and I think whether I should sleep or not. My body aches and my eyes are heavy, ‘yep a sign that means I should sleep now’ I think to myself as I bring the sheets over body, closing my eyes, and begin the slow process of falling asleep.

The door opens and I shoot up and stare at the timid, butter yellow, mare entering. "oh I didn't think you were awake. I can leave if you want, I don't want to be a bother."

Grateful of the company I say "oh it's all-right, come in, I'm sure the nurse wont mind."

"Umm okay, if you really want me to." she says as she slowly steps further into the room, her hoofs barely makeing a sound on the floor, "I just thought I'd come here as I'd hate for you to be all alone here in this dark and lonely place."

"Wow um sure sit wherever you like. And thanks for being so kind to me today it really means a lot to me."

"Oh it's no problem I like to help animals in need... oh I'm not saying that you're an animal or anything... what I meant was.. that I umm." she stutters

"Its okay Fluttershy I understand. you like to look after creatures big or small as they make you happy to see them well." I say in a comforting tone

The door opens again and Fluttershy hides behind me, she moves so fast I saw the edges of where she stood for a few

seconds before it disappeared. Rainbow Dash enters the room looking nervous. "umm hey... you don't mind if I stay with you a while do ya?"

Confused I agree anyway "sure there's plenty of room"

She sits down near the bed and says "it's okay Fluttershy you can come out now it's only me."

She comes out slowly saying "ohh hey there Rainbow Dash I didn't know it was you"

"Its okay Shy" she says dejectedly, "besides what are you doing here anyway"

"Well I umm... I'm just........." I can't make out any of what she said and I'm laying right next to her. She scrapes her hoof against the floor indicating her shyness, 'vegeta what does the scouter say about her cuteness levels... its over nine thousaaand'

I just couldn't help myself I grab her and hug her and say "isn't she just adorable. She's just so huggable..." I rant on about her being so adorable for a while. Rainbow Dash just bursts out laughing, seeing Fluttershy blush like a tomato.

During my rant I don't notice the rest mane 6 enter, along with Daring and Baltar. To which when they notice what I'm doing to Fluttershy burst out laughing as well. Thankfully the nurse on my watch is a heavy sleeper or we'd be in trouble.

Pinkie joins in my rant about how adorable she is when she blushes making her blush even more.

I fall asleep with Fluttershy still in my arms.

When the rest of the group stops laughing and sees me asleep they opt to get Fluttershy out, but she says. "oh no I like it here he's just so warm and peaceful." and she nuzzles my neck causing Daring to to go red with envy and jealousy.

They all decide to sleep here until morning so as to keep an eye on me.

_________________________________________________________________________

Elsewhere

“Do you think he’s ready”

“no”

“When will he be ready sister”

“I’m not sure, but we’ll know when he will be”

AN: sorry about the long wait but this was a pain to write as *insert excuse you wont listen to anyway* so yeah.

any grammer errors point out plz as I am too thick to find one or two of them