The Stick of Truth: Equestria

Several weeks before: South Park

The Kingdom of Kuppa Keep was going through a day of relative comfort. Cartman sighed to himself as he sat inside the main fortress. Well, his ego liked to call it a fortress. In reality, the kingdom was just a sandpit, a large inflatable pool of water and a tent, dressed up with several cardboard turrets and walls. Cartman smiled to himself, his imagination taking him away to the Kingdom that he had created for this RPG game. A majestic kingdom of utter coolness, with himself as the grand Wizard, ruler of the kingdom and coolest magic user in all the land. But then he was pulled back as a chilly breeze rippled through the open entrance of the tent. Cartman growled in annoyance, pulling the cloak of his wizards robes tight around his pudgy body. Despite being a "big dumb wizard fat-ass," as his friend, the evil Jew elf king Kyle called him, the chilly winds of the quiet mountain still cut through his costume, chilling his body to the bone. The so called, Wizard-King sighed, leaning back in his squashy throne, a dilapidated old armchair and closed his eyes, the large, pointed hat he wore slipping down over his eyes. Thoughts drifted through his mind as the lazy kid began to doze. The game that he and his friends had come up had taken such a strange turn in the last few weeks. They'd been invaded by zombies, destroyed their school and almost caused a war with the united states government.

And it was all since...Cartman settled a little comfortably into his throne. The New Kid. Douche-Bag, as they'd named him, had only just arrived in South Park a few weeks ago...that was when all this strange shit had happened. Up until the New Kids arrival, the game the Kids of south park had been just a simple roll-playing game. But then he'd arrived and the shit had hit the fan. Nazi Zombies, Alien goo that infected people and even a random encounter with Morgan Freeman. It wasn't like Cartman to think to deeply about the weird shit that often happened around South Park. Satan himself had risen from the ground with Saddam Hussein as his loving partner and Cartman had not batted an eyelid. He'd thought that shit was awesome! But now here he was, dozing like the big lazy ass he was, thinking about the New Kid. Cartman snorted to himself. He being stupid. Like usual, Cartman would just chalk it all up to living in a weird shithole of a town. Cartman sighed to himself, pulling his hat down a little harder over his eyes. It was at times like this that Cartman missed the days of action. When they'd started this game, both fictional factions, the elves and the Humans had been locked in a never ending battle for the sacred Relic, known as the Stick of Truth. Then the New Kid had arrived, a whole lot of shit had happened and both sides had almost been destroyed in the conflict.

But all that was over now. Both sides had vanquished the betrayed, Clyde and were now in peace talks. This was Cartman described as the "Boring-Ass side of the game." There were still some skirmishes but most of the action that had made the game so fun was now stopping. Cartman sighed, longing for a bucket of crispy fried chicken, or at least something from City-Wok, the local Restaurant. He was hungry. What was it his asshole friends said? He was always hungry like a pig. Cartman sighed, reaching over the side of the Armchair and rifling round the small open chest, cluttered with a large array of objects. Final finding what he had been halfheartedly searching for, Cartman pulled out a large packet of Cheese Munchies. Hopefully, the food would tide him over until he could go and procure some extra provisions for himself to enjoy....

"GRAND-WIZARD!" Yelled a loud voice. Shit. Cartman stuffed the Munchies out of sight, sitting up a little straighter and eyeing the entrance. A guard had stuck his head inside. "Ambassador Douche-Bag has returned from his mission to the Elvin Forests." The guard exclaimed. Outside, Cartman could hear his warriors give the New Kid a warm welcoming cheer. He nodded, settling himself back with one leg over the arm of the armchair. Understanding, the guard withdrew. Cartman heard him speak a few quiet words...and then Douche-Bag entered. Cartman examined the boy standing in front of him. Douche-Bag had come a long way from when Cartman had first met him. The boy had short silvery-blue hair, kept out of the boys eyes by a blue headband. A swishing, turquoise blue robe covered the light armor across Douche-Bags chest. The Boy was carrying a staff, similar to Cartmans' but with a rounded tip like a cradle, with a clear bulb of glass. What had once a simple mage, Cartman found himself musing, had now turned into a mighty warrior. Possibly even as cool as Cartman himself. He smiled a cocky smile at the New Kid.

"Ah our esteemed champion." Like always, Cartmans voice sounded like it was both mocking the new kid whilst expressing his own importance. "What have the elves to say for themselves?" Douche-Bag blinked but did not respond. Instead, the new kid delved into the small knapsack that he had been carrying and withdrew a small, grubby role of fake parchment and handed it to Cartman. Rolling it open, the chubbier kid read the few lines of text and snorted. "Ha! Those foolish peons think we will surrender mister slaves road. What are those Douche's thinking?" Douche-Bag blinked but did not respond. Cartman had come to expect the slightly chilling silence from the new kid. Indeed, Cartman had only ever heard the other boy speak once. And even then he had been a dick about it. Cartman gave a flourish of his robe, produced another role of fake parchment and began to write. "I shall show the Jew Elf King, that even though we are allies that he cannot be such a douche about territory and expect to get away with..."

BOOM!

Cartman felt his world shake and parts of his throne room fell apart, falling to the floor with a clatter. Picking his staff up from the ground Cartman rushed outside, joined by Douche-Bag who was hot on his heels. Outside, a scene of total devastation greeted them. The Water pool, the pool of vision had been overturned and popped, with water soaking the grass. Part of the turrets had been smashed and a large area in the middle of Cartmans backyard had been scorched. Several other children, his friends and warriors lay there, groaning and rolling around, trying to recover. And in the center of it all, stood a woman. She was tall and slender, with waist length dark blue hair and cold eyes that were almost black. Slim armor covering her chest and legs glinted in the mid morning sun. The armor rippled as the many plates that made it up, moved with the woman's movements. To complete this strange vision, the woman was carrying a long golden staff, with the top end tapering to a golden cobra with two rubies instead of eyes. She surveyed the damage she had caused, before turning to face Cartman and Douche-Bag, her eyes narrowed. One of her slim hands came up, to point at Cartman.

"The Stick of truth. Where is it you little brat?" The voice coming out of the woman's mouth was a dark velvet and double mocha, rich. Cartman, too busy staring at the the jugs she was sporting, did not answer until Douche-Bag poked him hard on the back of the head with his staff. "Answer me you fat little fool." the Woman said coldly. Cartmans ears perked at the word Fat. He growled, hoisting his own staff, his hands sparking with electricity. Under normal circumstances, the faulty anti-swear chip that had been implanted in Cartman would've activated, letting him throw blots of energy, shocking and even burning his opponents. But these were not normal circumstances. The woman smiled as Cartman stepped forward, raising her own staff, the snakes jeweled eyes beginning to glow with a fiery red light .

"What're you sayin' Bitch!" The boy yelled. "You tryin' to fuck with the Wizard King?" The woman's smile widened. Cartman growled, thrusting his hand out. "Respect my Authoritay!" He yelled. Cartman didn't have a chance to get any further. A bolt of reddish black lightning flew from the snake staffs mouth and crashed into Cartman. His staff shriveled, burned to a crisp in a matter of seconds and Cartman was hurled backwards. The boy, carried by his own bulk and the bolt of energy smashed into the main tent of Kuppa Keep. The fabric tent collapsed, trapping the unconscious boy under many lengths of fabric. Douche-Bag stood, staring at the pile of debris that his friend lay under. He turned to the dark woman, raising his own staff. At the same time the boy produced a small stick of dynamite from his satchel. The woman smirked widely, twirling her staff.

"You will tell me where you have hidden the Stick of Truth. It is vital to my mission you know." Douche-Bag stood there, his neutral expression unchanged. The woman frowned. "What is this?" she murmured. "Such a strong, young mage...You could be a threat or an ally. Let us see shall we?" The Woman produced a small figurine. A small horse, painted a violet shade. She smiled tossing the figurine to the floor. "Equestria Bitch!" she yelled. A storm of violet energy exploded outwards, engulfing Douche-Bag. The boy was gone, lost in the swirl of purple energy, his staff and stick of dynamite falling to the ground and then being blown away. After a few minutes, the smoke dissipated. Douche-Bag was gone.

Equestria

Twilight Sparkle watched in amazement as Douche-Bag stared around at the many books surrounding him. The Unicorn had watched as Douche-Bag had wandered around the library, pulling out books at random before the Earth pony had finally selected a book, entitled: "Ancient Artifacts in Equestria." The Earth pony had settled himself on the nearby desk, ignoring all attempts made by the Unicorn to help him pick out a book and had been reading for the past couple of minutes. Now, after seemingly growing more and more bored by the book, Douche-Bag was now staring around at the rest of the books. Twilight, growing increasingly annoyed by the Earth Pony's continued silence final placed her hoof down upon the wooden desk with a loud thumping noise.

"Excuse me but what are you trying to do here?!" She asked hotly. The other pony simply stared at her, his vague expression never leaving. Twilight felt her temper spike. "Would you please talk to me?! Has something happened to you that you don't want to talk about? Because it's very rude to just stare at... "

"PHRAAAAAP!" Twilight stopped as the loud noise echoed around her. The noise was a wet, exclamation of sound, that seemed to reverberate through the walls and bounce of the floors. Twilight frowned, then recoiled as what looked like a small, foul smelling green cloud floated up from behind the silent stallion and floated towards the door. It stank. Twilight tried to hold her nose as the green cloud, trailing a small green trail floated towards the door. The moment the ball of green smoke hit the door, it exploded with another wet noise.

"EURGH WHAT THE BUCK IS THIS?!" Shrieked a voice from outside. "A SNEAKY SQUEAKER OR SOMETHING?!"