The Stick of Truth: Equestria

"Douche-Bag, when I said I wanted you to help train the new recruits, I didn't mean that you should knock half of them out!" Shining Armor laughed, shouldering his way past the guards stationed at the barracks entrance. Douche-Bag followed along behind the Unicorn, keeping his silence. In his opinion, Douche-Bag had done exactly what Shining Armor had asked him to do. Though...Douche-Bag had to admit that the Unicorn beside him had a point. The Nagasaki he'd unleashed had practically annihilated the entire squad, leaving several of the of the newbies with streaming, bloodshot eyes and windblown fur, stinking of shit. Of course, that hadn't stopped several of the more experienced guards pissing themselves laughing at the recruits as Douche-Bag and Shining Armor had dragged the unconscious ponies back to the Barracks. That had taken most of the afternoon. Now the sun, which had been high in the sky during the training session, was now sinking towards the horizon, changing the sky from blue to orange. Shining grinned as he lead Douche-Bag back towards the castle. "We can't let you see the relic tonight bro." said the Unicorn with an apologetic grin. "But tomorrow, the Princess herself'll show you there. In the meantime, we've had a room prepared for you."

Douche-Bag kept his silence as the Unicorn led him through the hallways, each a large marble corridor, several priceless antiques placed on large white plinths. At one such plinth, Douche-Bag stopped. It was a circular mirror, mounted on a pony sized plinth. The silent Earth Pony stared back at his reflection. A brief image of his friends in South Park laughing at his new appearance flashed through his mind. His friends...Douche-bag stared at his own vague reflection. It couldn't have been...It wasn't that Douche-Bag's expression had changed. His eyes still retained that misty look, like smoke behind glass. However, there was a new light in them, like some-pony had lit a flare inside them. No...Douche-Bag had humiliated him, twice and Cartman had made a personal point of banishing him out of space and time for violating the rules of their game...twice. No, he wouldn't dare return. Not after what that little prick had pulled. Maybe...Douche-Bag took a step back. His reflection did the same, neither of the two Douche-Bags avoiding eye contact.

Douche-Bag experienced a strange moment of clarity as he stared into the mirror. There it was, The strange look that made his friends so awkward around him. His eyes, like glass covered panes with smoke behind them. His mouth, seemingly frozen in a state of calm coldness. This impervious shell. Douche-Bag wasn't sure how long he'd been like this. Cold and silent. He also wasn't sure what made him so likable to people an ponies. Take Shining Armor for example. Douche-Bag had caught him full in the face with a powered up sneaky squeaker...and yet the Unicorn had forgiven him and started treating him like his best friend in a matter of seconds. Douche-Bag supposed that his special power going to work. It was both a gift and a curse for him. While it made him many friends, it was strange how people seemed drawn to him like he had a magnet inside him.

"Douche-Bag?" Asked a voice. Shining Armor had returned, a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?" Douche-Bag tore his attention away from the mirror to look at the Unicorn. Silence stretched between them. "Erm...alright then..." stammered Shining Armor, a strained grin on his face. "Well...if you'll follow me?" he turned and led Douche-Bag down the hall until they finally arrived at a plain wooden door. Shining Armor pushed it pen, smiling. "Comfy right?" The room was a nice shade of blue, with a thick carpet, a large writing desk, complete with quills and ink bottle and a bed. The bed was so large, Douche-Bag was sure that three ponies the size of Shining Armor would be able to sleep in it with no discomfort. Another door, close to the bed led into a large bathroom, all white marble and glass. Douche-Bag might've guessed he'd been checked into a five star hotel, rather than a castle owned by an Alicorn taller than him that moved the sun around. Douche-Bag, after taking a few minutes to examine everything, turned to look at Shining Armor. "You hungry bro?" asked the Unicorn. Douche-Bag kept his silence. "Well..." The Unicorn was uncomfortable. "If you need anything, a guard will be outside all night so just holler if you get peckish. Sleep tight Bro." Shining Armor bumped the Silent Earth Pony' hoof again before turning and walking out the door. Douche-Bag stripped off his robe and clambered onto the bed, slipping inside it quickly. To hell with it, he thought. He could wash tomorrow. It wasn't like Cartman was gonna pop out of the closet and call him a stinking bastard...again. The warm blankets folded over the silent pony and as the room slowly darkened, Douche-Bag slipped into the comfort and the quiet of sleep.

Douche-Bag blocked the sword that had been about to land on his helmet. His own sword twirled, knocking the blade away from him and driving the other boy, dressed in dark armor to his knees. A deft tap of Douche-Bags sword knocked the boy to the ground. Taking a moment to rest, Douche-Bag looked around. He knew exactly where he was. Looking up confirmed it. There it was. The tall tree, each with battlements, defenses and those black flags...everywhere. He was back at the battle of the dark tower. All around the silent stallion, boys and girls around his own age, all dressed in brightly colored armor, clashing again and again with the dark armored boys and girls. All around the...silent...Stallion. Douche-Bag mad his way towards one of the many puddles of clear water that the dark fortress's moat had made. He wasn't human! Instead of his normal image, his stallion self was staring back at him. But that wasn't possible. Douche-Bag knew that when he'd taken part in that battle, he'd been a human, not a pony. He stared around. Most of his soldiers were fighting as though they couldn't see that their commanding officer had suddenly turned into a stallion. Maybe if he got to the top of the fortress, he could remedy this problem.

"Give me the Stick of Truth!" shrieked a voice. Douche-Bag turned. Something dark was coming towards him. it was like a giant cloud, speeding towards him. A pair of great big, ruby red eyes were staring at him, full of dark hatred. "GIVE ME THE STICK!" Screamed the voice, echoing in Douche-Bags ears like a terrible melody. Then everything went black.

Princess Celestia stared down at the Artifact from where it lay upon its velvet cushion on the small round conference table. She knew what this thing was now. Her science team had just confirmed it. And it filled her with dread. She sighed looking up at the other two Alicorns that were seated around the conference table. One was her sister, Princess Luna. The other looked slightly younger than the two celestial monarchs. This Alicorn had light pink fur and deep violet eyes. Her mane was long and stylishly curled, with several colors splashing through the mane, ranging from purple to pink to yellow. Like Celestia and Luna, this Alicorn was staring at the Artifact in front of her, her violet eyes narrowed in deep concentration. Finally, after several minutes of silence, all three Alicorns tore their gazes away from the object in front of them and traded glances with each other. Celestia raised her hoof and brought it down upon the table, the metal of her hoof armor clanking against the wood.

"We are all in agreement?" she asked. The other two traded glances...then they both nodded. Celestia nodded too. "And if Douche-Bag should try to take this from us?" The two traded glances again...then they slowly nodded. Celestia smiled. "I'm glad we could finally come to an agreement about this." The other two Alicorns nodded. "I just hope," Celestia began slowly. "That Douche-Bag doesn't force us to use our plan B." The white furred Alicorn thought for a moment. "Perhaps we should recall the other Elements of Harmony." she suggested, smiling. "Twilight seems to like him so I have no doubt the others will." The other two Alicorns thought for a moment...then nodded. The decision had been made. Celestia grinned. "We shall do it in the morning. For now," she yawned standing up. "I shall return to bed." The white furred Princess of the sun turned to leave. "Goodnight you two."