The Stick of Truth: Equestria

"So this is the stallion of silence?" Celestia asked eyeing the stallion Luna had led into the throne room. Her first thought was: "My word, he is handsome." Then the Princess quickly took control of herself. Trying hard not to focus to much on the calm look Douche-Bag wore, along with his soft, navy blue coat...Celestia shook herself. "What is wrong with me?" she thought angrily. "I'm acting like a filly that's going out on her first date." Clearing her throat, the Princess looked down from her position at the massive dining table. Celestia, having been a practitioner of diplomatic pleasantries for many years, Celestia knew that discussing business was much easier when being discussed over food and tea. Now she sipped from her cup of tea, watching as Douche-Bag stared around at the large, stained glass windows, ignoring the cup of tea and slice of cake in front of him. Her sister, the Princess Luna, was seated close to her. She had done nothing but stare at Douche-Bag since leading him to the dining room. Celestia made a mental note to ask her sister exactly what she wanted with this strange stallion, just in case it was something that involved the safety of Equestria. Twilight-Sparkle, who had been sitting next to Douche-bag, looking rather irked at the Stallions continued silence, cleared her throat and nodded.

"Y-Yes Princess." She stammered. "Yes, this is Douche-Bag." she tapped the Earth Pony beside her. "He was interested in that Artifact that the Archaeological team unearthed earlier, weren't you?" she asked, turning to look at Douche-Bag. The Earth Pony blinked at her. Twilight gave an annoyed huff, turning her head to look at her mentor. "As you've seen...he doesn't like to talk." Right at that moment, Luna let out a soft, girlish giggle. Every-pony looked at her. The Night Alicorn blushed rather thickly and lowered her head, concentrating on demolishing the slice of cake before her. "Princess Luna?" asked Twilight tentatively. The Alicorn of the night made a non-committal sound and began to eat the cake in front of her at a pace that several of the servants in the castle would've called, a rather undignified way for a princess to act. After watching this little spectacle, Twilight turned back to Celestia, a quizzical look on her face. "Princess, I have a question." Celestia titled her head with a soft smile, a move that Twilight knew was Celestia's silent way of giving her permission to go on. "Why did you invite only me to this viewing of the Artifact? I'm sure my friends, as the other Elements of Harmony, have earned that right too." Celestia chuckled softly, shaking her head.

"If your friends were available then they would be sitting here beside you, my dear student." The Alicorn explained. "But as you know, both Rarity and Rainbow Dash are in no position to be here right now and fluttershy and Pinkie are busy with their own lives." She smiled understandingly at the incredulous look on the Unicorns face. "I know that if I asked, they would be here in a heartbeat Twilight." The Alicorn said calmly. "But the Element bearers are entitled to their own lives. I cannot just call on them every time something strange happens in Equestria." Twilight rolled her eyes at the Princess's explanation. Any further conversation was interrupted by another loud giggle. Both Unicorn and Alicorn looked round just in time to see Luna sidling away from Douche-Bag. The Alicorn of the night had walked round the table, taking her plate of cake with her. Twilight saw that the Alicorn had settled herself on a chair beside Douche-Bag and had been trying for the past few minutes to get closer and closer to him without his noticing. Judging from the way that Douche-Bag was staring at her, the Silent Stallion HAD noticed. Luna was now sidling away on her chair, using a bouncing motion of her backside to move the chair away. "Luna, what is the matter with you?" Celestia asked, frowning at her sister. "You are acting very strangely." The only reply Luna gave was another girlish giggle, returning to her cake. Celestia shook her head. "Douche-Bag, i understand you consented to give a demonstration of your powers?"

Douche-Bag did not respond beyond a blink and that vague look. Celestia gave a huff that matched the one Twilight let loose. Twilight had been right. This pony was look a wall of ice. Cold, impregnable and silent. And yet...Celestia agreed with the report that Shining Armor had given her. There was something both repulsive and attractive about the Silent Stallion. Sure, most mares did find the strong, silent type as attractive but that vague, almost unending stare was unnerving. It was like Douche-Bag was peering into her soul, staring into the deepest, darkest recesses of her being, unraveling every dirty little secret that Celestia had hidden for years. Then again, it might just be that Douche-Bag had something wrong with him and that staring was just part of his condition...Celestia shook herself again. She wasn't sure why she'd followed that particular line of thought but after being a Princess for so long, she'd learned to read ponies based on their behavior. Douche-Bags silence, while annoying, told her a great deal about the Stallion. He was...hurting about something. Something that kept his true personality in this cold shell. Celestia eyed the stallion with greater interest now as he continued to stare at the still giggling form of her sister. It would be interesting, Celestia thought, to see how Douche-Bag developed as time went on...

Luna sighed to herself as she toppled onto the round bed, sinking into the big, plush cushions that she'd commissioned on her return to the castle. Closing her eyes, the Alicorn of night let her thoughts run wild. Most of them were about the silent Stallion walking through the castle with her sister. Luna felt her cheeks burn pink and a soft giggle escaped her at the thought of Douche-Bag. At the same time however, she felt anger building up inside of her. After so many years, Celestia still insisted on berating her for letting her more immature side show. Surely, after being trapped inside the moon for so long, she had earned the right to fool around a little bit. And with that handsome stallion...Luna sighed, pressing her face into the pillows. The night Princess couldn't understand why she was so enamored with this new, stoic stallion. He was just so...Luna smiled. Yes...that was it. Luna wasn't as experienced at reading ponies as her sister was but she had enough experience to know when something was....different about a pony. It was Douche-Bags silence. And his eyes...they'd seen things. But it was more than that. Douche-Bag was isolated. It wasn't just the silence. It was a strange way to live, Luna thought, smiling. She supposed that was why she liked him. He was isolated, just like she'd been. Maybe...just maybe, with enough prodding...

"LUNA!" Yelled an angry voice. Luna sighed to herself as the door opened. Celestia stood there, an furious look splashed across her muzzle. "We really need to talk!" the Alicorn of the sun snapped, striding into the room. Luna pressed her head deeper into the pillows, trying hard to block out the voice of her sister. "I've never known you to act so foalishly around any Stallion. Just because he's the strong...handsome...silent type." Luna turned her head. Celestia was standing by the bed, the stern look on her face melting away into a warm smile. The two Alicorns stared at each other for another few seconds...then both dissolved into loud giggles. "Oh Luna wasn't he gorgeous!" shrieked Celestia.

Douche-Bag stared at the line of young, golden armored stallions in front of him. Since the...rather odd tea party he'd had with the two princesses and Twilight, Celestia had ordered one of the guard-ponies to take him down to the training grounds. Now here he was, seated on grass in the middle of a ring of training equipment. Most of it looked normal for a pony, such as a race track and several devices that looked like adapted training devices for humans...except that they were adapted for ponies. The training arena was silent. He was on his own. The guard had told him to wait for Shining Armor. Douche-Bag had expected this however. Twilight had warned him that Celestia would want to see his...gas technique in exchange for him seeing the Stick of truth. The Stick....Douche-Bag sat on his haunches, eyes staring at nothing in particular. It was the biggest coincidence in the world. He was sure that the Stick of Truth was just a fictional relic that Cartman and the other kids of South Park had made up. And the last time Douche-Bag had seen the Stick, Cartman had thrown into Stark's Pond and it had been just that. A normal, ordinary stick. It certainly hadn't been covered with rare Jewels or made of gold. Either he was incredibly wrong and the Artifact was something else entirely or he was completely right and the stick could get him home. But would they even let him...

"Douche-Bag!" Called a voice. The silent Stallion blinked. Shining Armor was striding up through the many pieces of training equipment towards him. Behind the White Unicorn was two lines of four golden armored ponies. The Recruits he'd mentioned. Douche-Bag watched silently as Shining Armor organized the recruits into a long line of eight before striding over to him. "You alright?" Shining asked, holding out his hoof. Douche-Bag blinked at him. Slowly, he raised his hoof and bumped it with Shining Armor's. The Unicorn nodded as though Douche-Bag had spoken, then turned to the line of recruits. All eight of them were staring at Douche-Bag in confusion. "These are the new recruits, fresh out of the proving grounds." said Shining Armor, striding up and down the line of recruits. "Each greener than a blade of grass." He stopped at the end of the Line. "Alright Slackers!" Yelled the Unicorn, turning to glare at the armored ponies. "This Stallion right here is going to give you some special training!" He turned to grin at Douche-Bag. "He uses a special technique I guarantee you won't be prepared for!" He took several steps back. "Alright Douche-Bag! Give it to them!"

Several of the recruits took a step forward, all grinning between each other. They'd heard Shining Armor name Douche-Bag and they'd grown cocky. The Eight ponies surrounded him. Douche-Bag stood stock still. He knew exactly what he was going to do. These ponies had no idea what they'd let themselves in for. As the ring of armored ponies got closer and closer, Douche-Bag tensed himself. Lowering his front, the Stallion stuck his ass into the air. Several of the recruits laughed at the ridiculous image of this pony. Many of them thought that their Captain had been joking with them and that this pony had no special training for them at all. They closed in. Douche-Bag, closed his eyes tight, sweat beginning to drip down his face. He gritted his teeth. He could feel it. That familiar urge. it was building just like the two monks of Canada had taught him. Just as the armored ponies completed their circle, surrounding Douche-Bag tightly, Douche-Bag released the pressure he'd been keeping held inside him. The Bang he released was..rather louder than he thought it was. Douche-Bag certainly wasn't expecting the large cloud of green gas that exploded out of him, sending the eight recruits flying backwards. Douche-bag had to cover his ears, shielding them from the loud bang.

"Wow..." stammered a voice. Douche-Bag stood up, looking around. Shining Armor was standing nearby, shielded inside a bubble of magic. But the rest of the recruits had not been so lucky. Several of them had been thrown backwards tossed several feet feet by the wave of green vapor. Some had simply folded under the mass of foul smells that had hit them. Others just stood their, their armor missing and their fur windblown. Many of the recruits had tears streaming down their faces from rather bloodshot eyes. Douche-Bag blinked again. He supposed he'd have to watch himself the next time he unleashed a Nagasaki. He might end up bringing a house down. Shining Armor strode over, still shielded within his enchanted bubble. "Douche-Bag...you need to teach me that.." he stammered.