Bloody Debauchery and Other Gentle Pastimes

Introducing Lucky Lilia

It was mid morning. The sun was halfway to the center of the sky and the onslaught of it’s heat turned the desert in an oven. The sand burned like magma and was nearly unbearable to naked hooves. Trudging through the vast flat of heat was a white earth pony mare. She had bleach blonde hair that drooped, damp from sweat, yet none of her hair clumped together. She wore a large, black stetson hat with beaded tassels hanging off that shaded her face from the sun. Most of the beads were either ivory, gray, or ebony wood but a few on the tips of the tassels were green. She also had a green handkerchief tied around her neck that blew gently with the hot wind. A black painted whinnychester repeater was slung on her back as well, the few silver parts of it not painted glistening in the light. The mare looked up and squinted her eyes, spotting a dark purple blur moving something inside a building, the heat refraction making it nearly impossible to make out any more detail.

“Curse Celestia and this heat.” The mare grumbled under her breath. She continued her trek through the scorched sand, gaining more and more ground before finally stepping hoof on the main avenue that ran through the town. The mare picked up her pace and jogged to the saloon. The moment she got close she leapt onto the porch and fell onto her side.

“Oooh! That feels so much better!” She exclaimed, laying her head on the wood with a small smile spreading across her muzzle. Her voice was a little more harsh than the average pony from the south and carried no accent. Taking the time to enjoy having her hooves off of the hot sand, the white mare let her eyes close and tip her hat down in front of her eyes. Within seconds, a light snore formed in her throat.

•••

“Should we wake her up?” Plum asked Sarsaparilla, looking at the white mare curiously. The two were both standing over the sleeping mare, looking down at her. Well one was looking down at her while the other pointed the barrel of a shotgun down at her. They kept silent for a few moments before Sarsaparilla spoke.

“Nah. Seein that us talking hasn't woken ’er up, she probably needs it. We can check later.” She said, shrugging and letting her shotgun hang at her side once more. Plum looked at Sarsaparilla in amazement, looking the mare up and down.

“How do you do that?” She asked in genuine curiosity.

“What? Hold’a gun?” Sarsaparilla asked with equal amazement. With a small laugh, she unslung her shotgun.

“It’s easy. Look. All ya gotta do is put the butt of the gun right here, right where your rear leg meets your body. Add a’little pressure to keep it in place. To pull the trigger, just raise your other rear leg and pow, whatever was there ain't there anymore.” Sarsaparilla explained by showing how to do it, all the while looking at Plum like she was the one out of the ordinary.

“Wow.” Plum Peach mouthed out in wonder.

“You ain't see somepony handle a gun without a mount before?” Sarsaparilla asked, slinging her gun once again.

“No. Only unicorns. They just use magic.” Plum said, glancing down at the sleeping white mare. She really was a heavy sleeper.

“Well come on, I’ll teach ya to shoot! We’ll check on snores-a-lot when we get back.” Sarsaparilla Soft exclaimed, waving her hoof for Plum to follow as she trotted down the avenue towards the police station at the end of town.

“Okay!” Plum said in excitement, jogging to catch up to Sarsaparilla. Leaving the white mare alone to sleep on the porch.