A Life to Remember

“Hurry up Red! Our cousin is getting married, and we do not want to miss out on this!” My sister said, so impatient. Not noticing the time is 3:24 A.M. and the wedding starts at 3 P.M… Holy celestia can she stop waking me up at this time!

“Back to bed, Racer… It’s at 3 A.M…” She threw a piece of crumpled up paper at me.

“Read that Red. You got the time wrong.” Time for reading… If she can- screw it! I lit a candle and looked around me bed. My DJ stand near my window, to the left, my bed against the wall, and a desk to the right, where I do taxes or something when I am bored.

“It’s his invite-“ 4:30 A.M. “tation… Now who the- why did he set it to 4:30!? And who is he getting married to? Again?” I yelled at myself, and my sister answered from the kitchen

“ Maybe the pony who has been killing our family? Also, Pinkie Pie” Now that got me up, I got out of bed and down a small hallway, with my room, and her room. I walked downstairs and glared at her.

“Oh… Yeah… My bad, forgot. The killers dead... Or is this about Pinkie pie?”I shook my head. She looked back to her breakfast “We’re having hay bacon, and waffles.”

I hoofpumped. BEST, BREAKFAST, EVER, right? Come on who hates hay bacon strips and waffles! “Yes!”

She smiled “And I put some drugs in it” My eyes opened wide

“What!?” Oh, never mind. She has her “Kidding!” grin. Screw you sis.

“Alright, come on. Let’s get dressed. I messed up on the bacon so it cooks longer for some reason… I don’t know way.” I went upstairs and to my room. Now time to tease her for teasing me a couple days ago.

FLASYHBACKY

“Sis! I am home from work… Where are you?” I went up to her room and opened the door… To find her hanging from the ceiling…

“Race… Oh my bucking Celestia!” I raced downstairs and heard a loud boom from my room, and ran up there.

“Where the buck is my room!” I looked through the open door and freaked out. It was destroyed, gone. Broke the fence around my home.

“Hahaha! Oh my Celestia…” My sister came from her room alive. “I should get Dare to make more enchantments while I am at it! Priceless… Here.” She pushed me into my room… My room!?

“I see you’re speechless. Cement.”  Cement was just poured onto my bed, what is going on?!

“Racer! What- huh?- Why the buck did you do that! How are you alive! Dare made that enchantment?! The Buck!” I charged after her, only to see her grinning

“Slap” A plastic board smacked me on the head, breaking the board.

“Racer! I see three of you… No, four… No… Pixies…” I blacked out.

“Lets see… Fake ripped open carcass on the ground.” I looked in the living room “Check.” I smiled “A hired homeless pony to be a zombie? Check… Paint? Check.” Lets do this. I faked a blood gurgling scream and hid.

“Bro, what's wrong?” Look in the living room, look in it or else I will rip off your genitals and shove them down your throat- oh wait… Meh, look in it or else I will throw paint on you in your sleep. AND YES SHE DID!

“Oh my god… What happene-“ Now he will come out. Here we are, a homeless pony with enough make up to be a zombie, attacking my sister.

“AHHHHH! Get off me you crazy pony! Shoo! Ahhh!” She pushed him off, and- wait! No not the metal baseball bat! Oh shoot! A hit to the neck!... He’s down… Oh goodie she is moving to my carcass… And is crying.

“Okay, now that the fun is over” I laughed coming out from my hiding place.

“What the- You’re dead! Get away from me zombie!” Going to plan, now she will move near her favorite couch… And she is on it. But may move away from it if I take a step closer.

“Can you take a step near the doorway?” Obvious answer

“No!” Going to plan as I walk closer to her, and closer to a string on the wall.

“Fine then” I put my teeth on it, and pulled, making some enchanted paint from Dare fall from the ceiling. And by enchanted I mean invisible paint until triggered. The paint landed all over Racer and all over her FAVORITE couch… Her FAVORITE… FAVORITE… FAV… OR… RITE… Now a baseball bat to the face! From her! Unconscious… Buck me in the flank!

WEDDING

The music began, I saw Pinkie walking down in a pink dress... Or is she naked? No, she can't be that fat so it must be a dress. She was accompanied by Mr. Cake, even though he is not her father. Soon she got on the stage, where the rest of the elements were on, and me with three other cousins.

Dare

We do not know how he enchants though.

Funks

He owns the club I work at

And Funks littler brother, Hitter.

Baseball.

Now then, let me get ready to sneeze infront of Celestia, Luna, the elements of harmony, and five-hundred other ponies.

"ACHOO!!!

A bit too loud...

... Well look at that... No one noticed... Except for the immature foals I see! HWo are they? Diamond Tiara and SIlver Spoon?

... They made fun of my looks once... Oh Celestia why were they invited! Did their father bribe them in? Who invited them?!

"The Element of honesty. Her grandmother," Why thank you Celestia for answering that in my head! Wait... Celestia?!

Rushed? Maybe. But I had to go to work, so… Had to be quick.

In the next chapter should I explain about Redbarks child hoof, or save it for a different story. Because there will be parts that are related to his childhood.

So then, this story will have comedy in it, and some drama... I hate drama, but it keeps the story alive.

Until next time! Redbark, out!