A Life to Remember

If you read my blog post, I am pissed off. I deleted EVERYTHING of 4000 words! So… FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK

“…May your souls be joined together, in love. You may now kiss” Well nothing can go wrong with that. I jinxed it didn’t I? Oh my Celestia that is disgusting.  Urge to yell out “How’s the sex life!” Oh Celestia why did I think of that!  … You’re in my mind are you? Good, that must’ve-

Hi! No! Shoo!

I walked up to my cousin, a gift in my hand. “Well, I thought this day would never come, Daybreak.”

“Same here, one because I would’ve died if it weren’t for you… I would’ve died twice.” He stared at the ground, which was just grass… So he must be depressed right now

“He saw it coming…” The wedding looked… Less royal, and more fun. There were games for foals, and at least everything was decorated. There were white tents everywhere, either holding food, gifts, or just being a tent.

“Well, he messed with the Sharphaven family. His fault for not knowing that he is one man vs 72. Sure, he may have been trained, and deadly. But the rest of us were survivors… Red? You there?

12 years ago

“Oh celestia! Save me here!” I yelled as an explosion came from the abandoned apartment building we were in. I was in here with 69 of my cousins, all of our parents dead. We were orphans almost getting our flanks handed to us. We lost three of us.

“Red! This way! Quick before-“ My sister was caught off with an explosion roaring behind her. “Come on! Everypony else is hiding upstairs!” Just on que, twelve of my cousins jumped over a railing

“He found us! Killed Starlight, and Moonrazer!” Said Hitter, in tears. More of my cousins were either, galloping away, limping away, or tumbling onto the ground from being pushed.

“There he is! Look ou-“ Funks said before getting hit in the front right hoof with a magical beam… How do zebras use magic! Oh wait… Unicorn hybrid… Just like Daybreak. A red striped Zebra ran out of a hallway and towards me-

“Red! Equestria to Red- hello!...” He bucked me in the head five seconds after that. “What are you looking at?” I sadly had my eyes on some mare when I was in deep thought… OH NO.

“Nothing… Nothing at all.” I said looking at my brother, who had his lips perked, and in a smile.

“AWWWW… Seems like you have a crush on… A unicorn? I thought you were into pegasi…”

MUST… CHANGE… SUBJECT. “How’s the sex life?” Daybreaks smile stayed, but his head slowly turned to me… VERY slowly, with that scary smile.

“So… Cactus?” He opened a nearby gift, revealing a cactus… Oh celestia I know what he is going to do…

“No! I am totally alright! No cactus! How about something smoother! Or maybe nothing!” PLEASE STOP USING THAT GRIN

“Look around the tent.” NO… HE SEALED EVERY EXIT…

“Welcome to the gateway of pony hell cuz”

Several gruesome minutes later

I have to thank Hitter and Braeburn for getting me the BUCK out of there. Somehow… But now, time to enjoy the party… After this trip to the doctor.

“Muffins…” No that is me. Not Ditzy. I had a tray of muffins, bringing them to my sis.

“Why so many?” She began to count them “Eighteen… Nineteen… Twenty-five!? Are you kidding me Redbark! I am not eating this!

“Yes, you are…”

“Nothing you will do will make me eat that many!” I took out 50 bits out of my pocket.

“You stole that from somepony here, didn’t you?” I grinned, and nodded. Being a thief, my best talent, other than being a DJ.

“We’re not on the streets anymore Red, you could’ve just earned that here by being a chef… You can ask them”

“Nah, I am good. Now, eat all of these.” She shook her head I took out 25 more.

“Hundred bits.” I grinned and took out 25 more, making a hundred bits.

“Fine then, just don’t draw a large crowd.” 50 more bits give me the permission to?

“How about 50 bits to give me the permission to then.”

“How much money do these ponies have on them!” The threw her hooves in the air

“I just took 200 from one pony, I have 50 left.” Her jaw dropped.

“Fine, 150 bits will do this then”

I love yelling! “Hey everypony! My sister Racer is going to eat 25 muffins for 150 bits!” She grinned. At least 15 ponies

came, some telling me that’s a bit overpriced.

“How hard can it be?” She took a bite and felt something wiggle in her mouth.

“Did I also mention, the muffins had worms and beetles in them!” Here comes 7 foals.

“Bucket! Please! Another!” I tossed my sister a bucket… That’s about 4 total! And I never want to see her vomit EVER again

“24 muffins downed total! Last one! And it is way worse! Three beetles! Two worms! And pig dung!” She vomited just by hearing that! I made about 230 bits by gambling with this… And if she doesn’t vomit on this one, I get 200 more.

She picked it up with her hoof, noticing some spider eggs on it also. “Ooooh… Forgot to mention! She has to eat spider eggs with it!”

Vomit. Fifth bucket! She just threw it in her mouth, chewed very fast, and swallowed…

“Don’t vomit sis! Come on! Be a mare!” She was sweating, and threw her hoof on the table yelling

“Done! Finished! And you will not see my brother alive tomorrow!” I grinned… I am so dead.

“Also! Did I mention that I put a potion that makes you forget what happened?” Gotta love Zechora…

“What?” WIN!

“Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!” I yelled at Funks, he must be so drunk right now… I now name myself Captain Obvious!

“You must be drunk right now! I am so changing my name to Captain Obvious after this!” Some chubby white stallion yelled

“Hey! Don’t take my name!” Wow, the odds of that? 1/10.

I walked outside, as soon as funks passed out. Diamond Tiara and… Something with a spoon, walked up to me... Buck me! Buck them! What are they going to say now? I want to punch them bu they’re fillies! Foals!... Foals!

“What do you want? I can’t hurt you, and that’s it. You’re foals, and filles. I broke the law enough times that I don’t want to go to jail again… Ever since I dropped the soap… Whatever” They looked at my face… STOP STARING AT ME!

“Why do you have a face of a mare?” Oh yeah, my nose is a bit different than other stallions… This isn’t an insult, it’s a question!

“Oh thank god, I thought you were going to insult me… Like how you do to everypony else… It’s a birth problem I had. Let’s say- wait, you’re too young for the birds and the bees…” They looked at me strangely…

“What now?”

“You said you broke the law…” Obvious question!

“Let’s see… I was an orphan, my parents were killed on purpose. Back in Filydelphia we had no orphanages. So I livedon the streets, which means I stole.” Leaving out the worst. They’re too young.

“There has to be worst.” Buck me! Let me say the real thing that got me in trouble.

“I… Killed.” I backed away slowly, just to be saved by my cousin daybreak.

“Red come in here please? I dare you to do a chugging contest!” Anything to get away from these two!

“Coming!” I galloped in saluting the foals for the heck of it.

I HATE THE LAST SCENE SO MUCH IT MAKES ME WANNA… URRRRRRRRRRGH… HULK SMASH…

I would’ve made this longer, but I have work. And I had to deal with the deleted work D: