"Order in the court!" screamed a small horse in a judge outfit. He was small, so much in fact that they had to order a special chair just for his own, unique size. The Judge glared angrily at the figure sitting in front of him, who glanced around nonchalantly and scoffed at a few of the ponies in the courtroom. The man whispered to his defense attorney, who was none other than Doomguy, the slayer of demons and one of the few people in Equestria who can actually create a proper omelet.

"Mister Clairvoyant, is it true that you haven't written anything with actual effort since October of last year?" The Judge inquired, even though it breaks protocol of the actual court system. The accused man laid back in his chair, sighing deeply and thoughtfully; for he knew that this wasn't going to end the way he wanted.

"Well, I mean, I wrote some stuff recently," Said the lazy human, who pulled out his hand and started counting his fingers. "Uh, there's Blown Out Of Proportion, I just updated The Unending Days Of The Curse. Those are good, right?" He asked pleadingly.

There was a moment of silence before the entire courtroom decided to answer his question. A large, collective: "No!"

A disheveled, younger stallion stood upwards and pointed angrily at the human. "You're a phony! A big, fat phony!"

Another pony, this time a decently attractive mare, jumped out of her seat. "All you do is ride off the success of Rip And Tear! And you did it with A Flurry Of Paradise too!" She yelled, everyone else joining her with voicing their hatred.

Judge Shortstop, as Clairvoyant named him, slammed his gavel (Oh boy, good things are-a coming) and shouted; "Order in the court this instant!"

Clairvoyant mumbled to himself, "Geez, a guy goes through a huge writer's block and ya' crucify him..."

Settling his gay and flamboyant mane, Judge Shortstop looked down at the man. "Regardless of ponies' opinions, it all falls in the jury's hooves." He said, waving his filed hoof over to the jury.

A black and red Alicorn OC with the world's biggest ego stood up and laid down their decision. "We find Clairvoyant guilty in all charges."

The man in question asked himself a question, "What the fuck are the charges, anyway?"

"Mister Clairvoyant, you are sentenced to 999,999,999 years in prison." Judge Shortstop announced, which caused the human to stand up with a large wand-like object in his hand.

"No! Have you so easily forgotten? I'm the writer here, you don't make the story. Hell, this is a story itself," He waved his wand to Judge Shortstop and smiled. "For instance, you're now the most ugliest motherfucker in the face of the universe."

Everyone gasped at the horrific sight bestowed before them. Ponies started yelling, screaming at the pain of the sight. It threw everyone into a fit of agony, gauging out their eyes. Doomguy suddenly ripped himself from his seat and began mutilating the various races in the courtroom, throwing it into a state of pure chaos.

Clairvoyant burst out of his seat and hastily drew a shitty Mickey Mouse head. "I'm Clairvoyant and welcome to the Disney Channel!"

* * * * * *

Princess Twilight hummed in thought, tapping her chin gently with her hoof. She glared at the machine before her with a glint of curiosity and, somewhat wonder. The true origins of the mysterious contraption lying in front of her eludes her, as much as she prodded it and researched, but she just can't quite pinpoint what the machinery's purpose is. Ripping her eyes away from the technical object, she glanced over to her partner in crime; Doomguy.

He who was face first in a book lamely titled 'How To Speak Fluent English', of which he has no clue how this sort of literature was found in this land of ponies that speak an entirely different language; so to speak.

"Find anything useful in there?" She inquired, to which he shook his head before discarding the book onto the crystal floor. A nearby janitor, who just so happens to be Flash Sentry who was demoted after the shitshow that was Equestria Girls, grumbled angrily before picking up the book and carrying on with his miserable existence.

"Hmm. Hold on." Powering up her horn, she grabbed a book from a nearby bookshelf and flew it over to the disgruntled man, who snatched out of her magic field. "That's 'How To Speak Fluent Equestrian'." She mentioned, watching passively as Doomguy opened up the book and began reading. A moment of silence took place before he magically pulled out his previous book out of absolutely nowhere and compared the two similar books. "What's wrong? Missing page? Crudely drawn penis?"

Picking up his trusty notebook and pen, he wrote down a simple sentence and presented it to the young princess. 'They're both the exact same', it read.

Stealing the books and dropping them into a nearby trashcan, Twilight grimaced. "Well, that's just plain lazy." Doomguy agreed with a single nod, standing up. Grabbing his notebook, he wrote down a question for the equine.

'Figure out what this is yet?'

Walking over to the machine in question, Twilight slowly shook her head. "No, not yet. Even after all this time, it's true purpose is hidden. Right now, it's just a bucket of bolts." She punctuated her point with a slight kick to the object, which was totally not a good idea.

Suddenly, the machine roared to life, blinding lights emanating from its silver chassis. Wires which rival a snake's grip burst from various tubes and wrapped themselves around the confused and disoriented duo. They thrashed around in their grasp, but to no prevail. Twilight screamed as the two were swallowed by a blinding white light and then silence. Two lonely words showed up on the monitor of the machine; two words that stand the test of time.

Git. Gud.

* * * * * *

Princess Celestia glanced to the stone statue in the garden, a frown forming on her muzzle. Gazing through one of the stained windows in her castle, she took notice of the several cracks swirling around the foundation. The horrified look on the statue's complexion seemed to curl into a sneering smirk, although she blamed it on her not getting enough sleep.

She knew that the one thousand year banishment was soon coming to an end, and that her land would once again be plagued by his chaos. As he once so eloquently put; "Hahahah!" The last time she banished him was a necessity to assure the safety of her subjects, but now he's going to want revenge.

Her sister left to clean up the throne rooms after their prank war, as she was the one to start it. While it was a valiant battle, Princess Celestia is still finding pieces of cake in her mane and tail. Which is something that eludes, as her mane is ethereal.

Scanning around the garden, she noticed a group of fillies and colts being led by a teacher. Miss Cheerilee, is she recalls from one of Twilight's letters. Three fillies kept fighting near the statue until Miss Cheerilee caught on and reprimanded them.

Princess Celestia gasped when she saw the statue's eye move. It is him waking up, then. She sighed loudly as she trotted to the Elements of Harmony chamber, her trot soon evolving into a gallop as she skid to a halt in front of it.

Suddenly, Princess Twilight Sparkle and cheeky Doomguy dropped to the floor from a wormhole near the ceiling, causing no noise, despite plummeting from a great height. Coming to, they witnessed Princess Celestia violently thrusting her horn inside of a hole in the wall, seeming like she was enjoying it. They sat and watched as she moaned and hollered from her impromptu pleasure session. Doomguy glanced around, wondering why no one is around, even though this massive castle is usually packed, day and night.

Breaking the silence, Twilight stepped forward. "Uh, Princess Celestia?" She asked shyly, trying not to glance at her former mentor's privates.

The large, clearly pent up mare stumbled away from the chamber and turned around with a beet red face, and a sheepish smile. "Oh, why hello there Twilight... with wings. And my mail order demon slayer." She however remained silent when another Doomguy appeared, flashing all of the Elements of Harmony. He, too, stopped in his tracks when he noticed the other marine standing a few feet away from each other.

Both of them faced each other, staring at each other silently... as usual. Doomguy raised his arm and the other followed suit, mirroring the others' movements. One moved, the other moved as well. Before Twilight and Celestia knew it, both of them were pelvic thrusting in perfect sync.

As the pair of Doomguys began dabbing and copying horrible memes, Princess Celestia looked to the different Twilight. "I assume this is some kind of time-travel spell?" She inquired with a raised eyebrow. Twilight shook her head, turning to look at Doomguys.

"Not quite. Instead, I was tampering with a machine in which I had little knowledge about. One thing lead to another and, well... This happened." She stated, pointing to herself and Doomguy, who was playing patty cake with his former self. "Sometimes I feel like my life is just one big story, in which people continuously change the status quo and throw me into situations such as this."

"Yup, that's just the way it is, sorry fam." A booming voice declared, but quickly silenced, confusing everyone in the corridor.

"Okay... Anyway, I have no clue how to return Doomguy and I to our own time, at least in a practical way." Twilight mentioned, walking over to one of the windows. Glancing around, she noticed the statue of Discord, and the various cracks littered around the stone. "Hmm, it seems like we're around the time Discord broke free." Thinking to herself, her mind was flooded with ideas and theories, and she quickly came up with a solution.

Smirking, she turned to Princess Celestia and Doomguy one and two. "Grab the Elements of Harmony and follow me, I know what we need to do!"

* * * * * *

Doomguy One and Two both swung a baseball bat into Discord's junk, resounding with a satisfying crack! The God of Chaos groaned in agony, nursing his bruised and beaten sack, cursing to himself. "Hahahah, do you really thin-" He was interrupted by a mean right hook to the jaw, knocking one of his teeth out of his mangled muzzle. The two Doomguys continued beating him ruthlessly until he was in the fetal position, Doomguy One teabagging his face whilst the other placed Legos on the ground around him, making sure he doesn't move.

"Okay, okay! I'll do your bidding, Twilight. Geez, you ponies and humans have no concept of fun..." Discord stated, the two Doomguys stepping away from the beaten God.

Twilight stepped forward, gripping Discord by his disheveled chest hair. "We need you to send me and Doomguy One back to our own time." She declared, pointing to herself and Future Doomguy.

"Time travel? Even I don't mess with that cesspool, dear Twilight." Discord joked, and he was met with the two Doomguys stepping forward. "Fine, I'll do it. As long as I don't get beat up by the other one."

"Oh, you're still gonna' get your ass kicked." Princess Celestia spit, a sinister smile on her muzzle.

"... Fine. Hold still." Discord snapped his fingers, Twilight and Doomguy being whisked away at an instant. That left one more Doomguy who cracked his knuckles viciously. "Please have mercy... I'm a virgin..."

* * * * * *

Princess Twilight and Doomguy appeared in the same room as before, the machine still there, as if it was never touched. Sighing in relief, she turned to Doomguy who had his notebook flipped to a single page, with two solitary words.

'Wrong Guy'.

"Son of a bitch."

THE END

Author's Note

Well, here it is. The last ever chapter for Rip And Tear. I apologize for not writing anything good for awhile, so here's something I actually had the will to write.

It's been fun, guys. Thank you all for the support, I love ya'll!