My little research and development: Science is mayhem

You had finally done it! You managed to convince Celestia to let you use your theoretical theoretic physics degree to join her research and development team. However before you could get any kind of support for you to join, you had to prove yourself to the celestial sisters by developing a single item that would be beneficial to pony kind. Your time limit was till the evening, while they didn't expect you to come up with the next greatest thine like sliced bread, but something to prove yourself to them that you would be a valuable asset to their team of scientists.

Your trial 'lab' is nothing more than a sitting room that was recently unfurnished, spanning out only five feet by three, not nearly enough room to move about in and once some of the Royal guard was so kind enough to drag in a chalkboard as well as a whiteboard and a large lab table, borrowed from the actual r&d lab, into the rectangular space. Leaving you with only a foot of space on each side in the center and two feet on the outer ends. Each of the boards at each end of the room.

Though well lit not a single window was in the built into the room. The magic lighting provided a equally florescent glow. You sit at the far end if the lab table staring that the resources you had stolen, well, rather you acquired for your research: A Mason jar with a silver lid, a plate of asparagus (your lunch, stupid herbivore ponies), and a gallon of sweet tea,as it was hot as balls in this 'lab' of yours.

Cursing the lack of windows, you spent the last four hours of your twelve hours drawing dicks on the chalkboard. Accompanied by slanderous insults about the weight and with of one princess sunbutt. On the whiteboard proudly stood humanities greatest achievements... No you're lying it was rather large depiction if dickbutt. Yet you were still proud of it none the less as not a single pony that went by the opened door of the 'lab' managed to walk past without a second glance. At one point the Royal guard had to step in and remove one pony's head from another ponies ass as she had stopped so abruptly the stallion following her kept going... Right up her ass, head first.

Silly cartoon physics of this works at its best.

Though as amusing as all the hollering was it was rather distracting to your work. Not a single idea came to you. Well nothing that fell within the guidelines given to you. No weapons of mass destruction, guns, magic reliant items (Though if magic was used but not relied upon it's use it would still count, as it had to be a item that any pony could use). Penicillin was already invented in pony land, and healing magic rendered it all but null and void, utilized in only the most rural areas when unicorns were hard pressed to find. Electricity was relevant in bigger cities that were not stationed along a magic lay line, but still rendered any ideas to improve or change pointless as magic does everything it can't.

Not that you were a electrical engineer either. Nope in reality your real degree was shit posting on the internet also known as IT. Network management was what had done before coming to Equestria. Now it was as useful as the drawing of dickbutt on the whiteboard, amusement purposes only. No way in hell were you gonna be able to invent the internet let alone a computer with the nightmarish hell they call technology. On one hand they had I-Pod like items, but used hot air balloons and steam trains as a means of travel.

This was, in the long run a bet that celestial knew she would win. All you had to your name was a full bladder ,a jar ,and lots of tea. Well at least you had free tea. Well that and the free entertainment outside as the Maretaillion duo were currently getting several guards to remove the two. Luckily for the mare the stallion was not a unicorn or, well ouch word just be a small part of it.

"Listen here you bucking wanka, the next time I find you so close to my plot and you ain't a pimple imma pop you a good one ya mook!"
Well seems at least they managed to separate the stallion and the mare. And she was pissed. Wait. Something she said clicked into your mind. It would be extremely close to one of the rules but if you played it right you just might pull this off.

Two hours later

You had once again stolen,err requisitioned several jars of shapes and sized as well as some magic nullification rings of various sizes. The one that had your most interest was the ones designed to restrain earth ponies natural strength magic. It fit perfectly a round the jars lid yet still keep it sealed. It was perfect.

Now all you had to do was test the strength of the jars. You whole plan word fall apart if they didn't do what you wanted it to do. Anything too thin like balloons risked accidentally breaking on the thrower or simply bouncing off the target. Your first stop was to get a 'pony'quin from the forge. Luck was on your side as a silver and blue stripped unicorn with a silver mane, done up in a zebracan style mohawk, was busily working the forge her silver aura of magic wielding a hammer with practiced ease.

The heat of the forge was intense, making a already sweltering day even worse. Taking a sip from one of your tea jars you wave to the smith, who didn't even flinch. Casually hitting the piece of metal in a steady rhythm. The only sound of steel on raw metal before she puts the soon to be sword piece into a cooling bath.

“What pleasure do I owe to have the court jester pay a visit?” the mare asks.

Unfazed by her comment you shrug. “I need a ponyquin for my test trials into their&D team”.

That causes her to scoff, “Really now? Surely you caught her on a off day, she might have caught that Hayfeavor that was going around to allow something like You around the dangerous magics and Whatnots.”

The smith before him name's was Ghostly Forge, a expert in forging exotic and rare material. Her cutie mark was a eerie looking forge and a pale blue ghost surrounding it. She being of half Zebra and unicorn descendant was the source of her blue stripes on silver fur. Even her family was a rather interesting bunch. Her father hailing from Zibraca traveling tracker who specializes in exotic and rare, yet deadly creatures. His travels brought him to Equerstria where he met Shade Slayer, a unicorn mare whose talent was defeating shades and ghosts.

To put it bluntly her whole family was the living embodiment of a /x/ board, but not as crazy...sort of. The reason you know this personally because it was Ghostly that took you in in your early days of getting to Equestria. Why miss the opportunity of a life time to meet a rare and once thought fantasy creature? Sacrificing her own personal time she showed you around Canterlot and invited you to stay over her place till you could get settled on your own. That night you met her parents and after a rather interesting game of run from the weapon wielding zebra. Just like home! Only with a short zebra instead of a angry china man.

You have been staying with her ever since then, rent was expensive in Canterlot and you knew absolutely no one outside the castle, so leaving Canterlot was not much of a option but neither was staying an option either. Nothing on the princesses, you simple didn't want to freeload off their good graces. So you stuck with Ghostly to have a place to stay. Odd jobs around the castle kept you from being too poor so you payed her a small rent every month. Another reason why you wanted to join the Royal r&d team was to have a real job doing something you truly only dreamed of doing. You relationship with Ghostly is a bit unusual roommates yet at times closer then just that, though neither of you feel that your a couple but more so as best friend.

With a shrug you sip your tea and wave a free hand, ”Well? Make with the ponyquin and I’ll be out of your mane.”

“Fine but you owe me for this one, you have to make dinner tonight and were even.” The smith shoot back, her blueish silver eyes in wavering. This causes you to sigh, seems like there will be no meat for you tonight. That was on problem you had to deal with when roomating with a co-worker that had identical hours. One of you would be stuck making dinner for the other. Part of the deal you both came up with to smooth out any initial awkwardness of sharing a small space with a stranger. Damn vegetarian ponies. cock blocking you from your thick juicy meat.

That evening (The TEST)

The test had been successful and you had exactly three ‘prototype’ jars ready for the demonstration tonight. The ponies that have gathered in the throne room were few, but not entirely unimportant, as it was not going to be public knowledge of your test. Should there be a accident, the collateral damage would easily be contained with out any negative publicity on you or the Princess’s part. In attendance was the two Celestia sisters, the captain of the Guard Shining Armor, there to provide a protective barrier if needed, and for ‘moral’ support, more so to laugh at you when you failed or to cheer should you some how succeed, was Ghostly Forge.

“Anonymous, you are here today to present your invention as part of you Initiation test to join the Royal Research and Development team. Provided you kept within the guidelines you are to present your invention to us. Shining armor is present as both a witness to your trails as well as to provide a barrier should the need arise.” Celestia, having finished her official speech of the test, waves her hooves for you to present your findings and or discoveries.

You place three mason jars on a table that was set in the before the thrones. Three simple jars with bands of silver around the middle and sickly yellow fluid inside. Clearing your throat you proudly announce, “I present to you Jarate. A tool for self defense and a very powerful aggressor deterrent. Simply throw it at the aggressor and on impact the jar will shatter spilling its content on the target,the very contents of the jar will cause immediate deterrent and halt to their attack.”

Celestia and Luna give each other curious looks, before Luna loudly scoffs, “That sounds like utter Foalishness, How can a jar with some strange liquid do such a thing? Clearly even a foal could easily levitate the jar away from themselves!”

You give her the biggest shit eating grin you could muster, this was the moment you were waiting for, “ Why princess why don't you find out yourself?” This causes Luna to pause stopping her mid-rant. “Come prepare to attack me with all your might,” you continue, “and if I am correct, then my invention will stop you immediately, If I am wrong.” You pause dramatically. “Well I KNOW I wont be wrong.”

Celestia remains passive as she quietly observes your actions, Luna however took the bait and was getting rather agitated. Shining Armor simply looked bored as he observed with detached interest, as for Ghostly, she somehow had gotten popcorn, the bitch.

“VERY WELL WE ACCEPT THY CHALLENGE, PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF THE NIGHT!” Well shit, now you fucked up.

Luckily you have your trusty Jarate prototypes with you. As Luna goes Super Alicorn level 5 all glowing eye and shit. You could feel the immense pressure of her magic like a wall of force pressing against your body. However you don't falter nor does the trust you have in the jar that is in your hand. "Shining to demonstrate the power of the New age Jarate please place a one way barrier around Luna so her magic can go through but nothing to go in. If you would kindly.” Shining pauses at your request looking to Celestia for guidance, who simply nods for him to do so. Surrounding Luna now not only a aura of starry blue magic but the soft shimmering of Shining Armors pink shield now protecting Luna, with a smirk you lift the jar. Time seems to slow as the liquid sloshes, Celestia watches you lift the jar raise it above your head, as it apexes, you release it from your grasp, the jar flying in a perfect arc.

“THANKS FOR STANDING STILL YOU WANKER!”

Celestia face drops, realization hits her harder then the now flying jar of piss to Luna's head. You had once told her about some of the quirky things in video games in your first few days in Equestria. You had compared what magic could to versus what you had seen in video games, along the lines you spoke to her of Team fortress two as you observed how many nobles wore silly hats and remarked you wished to one day make millions of making a hat store and in sighting a hat related craze.

Horror fills Celestia's face as the jar passes through Shining's barrier without even slowing down nor changing its trajectory. The nullification ring working its charm and passing through the magic unhindered. As the jar smacks Luna on the face, it shatters, spilling urine all over her face, eyes ,and open mouth. Just as she was about to shout her magical attack out.

Silence fills the room as every face is etched in horror, when Luna’s magic aura stops dead, then she gasps like a fish before screeching like a banshee. The crackling of magic stops, even sound seems to cease to exist as Luna’s eyes widen, then immediately shut.
“OH SWEET MOTHER OF FAUST ITS IN MY MOUTH!!!! I CAN TASTE IT,” Luna begin to heave violently, before screeching out,”ITS IN MY EYES AND IT BUUUUUURRRRNSSSSSS,” finally vomiting out her breakfast all over the royal red carpet. “HURRHGGHHGHG,” and some more all over her throne.

Well, it seems your planed worked, a little too well. A single dose of Jarate could stop a fully powered Alicorn in seconds, and applying the magic nullification ring it enabled it to bypass any and all magical wards as well. Just as you had planned it out. A task well done, even a added bonus as a prank against Luna.

“MY EYES THEY” HURK, more vomit stains the wonderful carpet. As Luna squirms and screams Celestia burst out laughing at her sisters misfortune. “Well, that was most certainly unexpected, Using a magic canceling ring to bypass both barriers as well the hidden wards Luna placed, as well as to prevented telekinesis from stopping the object is quite a interesting concept. Not many ponies would have thought to use them in that manner.”

Turning to Luna who was withering over the floor reeking of artichoke urine, “See Dear sister and you said he wouldn't be able to come up with anything of use, and here he found a way to put even the Princess of the Night down.” Turning to face you, Celestia, smiles and nods,”Welcome Anonymous to The Equestrian Research and Development Team. We can discuss your employment details if you wish, follow me.” She glances over to Shining Armor, ”Be a dear and take care of my sister if you would.”

As you both leave Luna withers along the floor cursing your name and the foul taste in her mouth. Well you figured urine trouble with Luna now.

Later that evening the talks with Celestial about your new job and the official paperwork you had to fill out took much longer the you had anticipated. The majority of the paper work was more political and procedures had to be followed. However the conversation that followed was completely off the record.

“So, you used a jar of piss on my sister, huh?” Shuffling of paper work is the only sound that could be heard on the office.

“Yes, yes I did.” you reply coolly

“You know all you had to do was use a cardboard box and write time machine on it, having shining armor sit in it for five minutes and called it a day, right?” She watches you with her motherly eyes curious of your choices.

“I know, but the box I had Ghostly threw in the forge when i demanded her to give me some of her echo-plasim she was saving for one of her freelance jobs, you know the stuff that really glows nicely in the right light,” She nods, “ and she tells me to piss off and magics it into the fire instead.”

“I see, that explains why you took such drastic measures.”

You chuckle at her, ”Oh drastic measures would have been me kidnapping Luna to make her use the time travel spell and steal the formula to Doughnut Joe's secret recipe and claim it to my own.”

Celestia raises a brow at that, ”Well, that IS rather drastic, but are you sure this is what you want to do? This will very well make the whole situation even worse?” Celestia asked in her motherly tone serious hints of concern laced her voice. “Its gonna happen one way or another. I rather be able to make a difference before it becomes too much if a problem.” You respond, this was something you wanted to do, a forgotten dream of a long gone childhood.

“Very well anon now sign your name along the paperwork here and the we are done," Celestia pauses looking over at you from the other side of her desk, in a more serious tone, "and I mean your real name anon.” You complete the contract with your true name, Making Celestia the only pony to know your true identity, for better or worse.

As Celestia lowers the sun and the moon rises you make you're way down the castle halls. Humming a tune to yourself,the only sound in the empty hall when a soft clopping of hooves fill the air. As you turn your face is assaulted by a jar,on impact the jar shatters its fragments dissolving into harmless gel. The contents once inside now coated your face. The substance was a thick dark blue fluid with glowing specks of white and shards of magically jellied glass. You anticipate a rancid smell and taste but none of that happens. Instead you senses is invaded by the sent of evening storms and the taste of, well, moon pies.

"HUZZAH!" a loud boisterous voice calls out, "We have humiliated thee, how does thou like the taste of maregasim all over your face? We spent all evening pleasing ourselves into that very jar!" Triumphantly she cheers, "ART THOU HUMILIATED?"

Well, much to your surprise it was mildly disturbing that Luna masturbated into a jar for the sole purpose of revenge, but then again it was Luna. "You taste like moon pies." It was Luna's turn to be disturbed, as she sputters, her face blushing furiously she turns and gallops away.

Leaving you alone in the hall covered in oddly luminescent mare juice that even stranger so tasted like moon pies. Over all not a bad start on your fist night as a paid R&D intern. If you proved yourself to Celestia you would be allowed to become a full time member. Now to head home and make Ghostly dinner, maybe if you lucky there would be some left over hydra meat her father left from his most recent mission.

Elsewhere

Somewhere deep within the halls of Canterlot caverns the shadow of a unicorn figure stares deeply into a forgotten mirror, for what she saw was not her reflection but something far more sinister. A tall gangling creature spoke to her in a musical tone through the silvery surface, whispers of dark secrets both wondrous yet terrible.

Author's Note

Yes we will be having quite the SCIENCE happening!

Well here it is a story that is going to be a start of a series. For better or worse. First fic and yadda yadda, I would prefer useful criticism so I can improve as a writer. And let me know what you think of the story.
Have a invention you want anon to make? leave a comment and a description about it, if I feel its feasible in this universe why the hell not?