Chapter 3 Tendies in Time

“Alright ladies, mares I know the perfect place to eat lunch and it's nice and quiet so we can discuss the shape conundrum,” you tell the team of mares following you as you lead them through the winding streets of Canterlot. It was one of the best restaurants that served some of the more hard to get foods, like oh so delicious chicken tenders, deep fried to perfection. It was a rare menu item that they only got once a month. One was due to import laws against meat from Griffonia, and the other was due to a lack of interest. Why serve something no one eats, especially when the only customers were ones and only every so often a gryphon from out of town visiting for a wonderbolts show. Which coincidentally is once a month. This was the one day you could get the fried bird meat, which always made you wonder, ‘Was it cannibalism if a gryphon ate chicken?’

A slap on the back of the head from one very annoyed looking Moon Dancer brought you out of your thoughts. “What the hell was that for?” you angrily snatch the newpaper out of her magical grasp

“You were drooling like a ape that you are. You are part of the Royal Research and Development team, as such you need to behave as such.” She leers at you before walking past you. It seems in your daze of wonderous food you led them right to where you wanted to go. What a stroke of luck.

The establishment was simple if not plain, a stark contrast to the gelded and glimmering buildings that surround it. The lack of intricate architecture, golden plated siding or even a elegant if not flamboyant signage made it dull, if not completely plain. Outside seating was available for clear beautiful days with several umbrella shaded tables dotted the fenced in cafe. It reminded you of the cafes you saw in France in those fancy movies. While the inside was lined with booths and a simple diner like counter where two ponies and a gryphon worked. From the corner of your eye you notice the ever faintest flashing of light. When you look around you see nothing, shrugging you step inside the inner courtyard, you have a great feeling today was going to be the greatest.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today has been great, you got to examine the human teeth AND make a new friend. Who would have thought you, Minuette, would have gotten the perfect opportunity to examine a alien from another dimension's teeth? It was a once in a life time opportunity, and as a up and coming dentist in the world, a little thing you like to do when you aren't working with some of the more boring stuff. Like expanding Starswirl's library of quantum mechanics and time spells, you worked on getting your degree in dentistry. A little help from your rather proficient talent in time spells you were able to MAKE time to go out to earn your degree, many times in cases where you would never be able to be in two places at once. Half the time it simply meant you would learn the knowledge and pass it on to your past self.

Smiling to your self as you trot along your team through the streets of Canterlot, you can help but thing that Anon seemed pretty cool. A bit new to the whole research and development thing, but he seemed like he was more of the idea colt then a practical building things colt. Which was fine, they had WAY too many build colts in the fabrication labs and not enough thinkers, and you felt that's what your team needed. A fresh mind to the collective. Blueblood was determined to out do the elements of harmony as the go to weapon of friendship and pacification, but he was wrong, friendship IS magical, she witnessed it first hand when Princess Twilight came back and saved Moon Dancer from herself with friendship. Why...wait...no

Before you stood on a empty table in the cafe anon was leading you was a cactus. Not just any cactus, but THE cactus. Mr.BoomBoom. A cold shiver runs through your spine. She can't be here, she was banned from riding on the train, and she had restraining orders placed on her by nearly every noble in Canterlot. She should have all but been banned from coming to Canterlot. Yet here a single piece of evidence, the lone cactus with crudely written words Mr.BoomBoom, the tip glistening in the bright sun, still wet from Celestia knows WHAT orifice it had been in.

You had to get everyone away from here. For their own safety and sanity. Before you know it the whole restaurant explodes. The blast lifts you off your hooves, and send you reeling through the air, before you cast a protective sphere around yourself, just in time before you collide into a building sending you down back to the ground on your hooves. The heat was intense even with a protective bubble around you, a spell Twilight taught you the day you got accepted on the R&D team,as she knew all about lab mishaps. Staring in horror a blazing inferno stood before you where your team and a restaurant once stood.

They were gone.

You feel a sharp pain in your heart, gone...They were dead, all of …

“WEEE THAT WAS FUN!!!”

Expect for her.

“I TURNED UP THE HEAT!”

In the flaming wreckage a sea-foam green unicorn trotted out uncathed, no not unscathed her mane and tail was on fire, yet she casually walked out of the burning inferno. Right up to you somehow now carrying Mr.BoomBoom, which was now just a broken pot and a half eaten cactus.

“MUNETTE YOU SEE BOOM! MR.BOOM BOOM LIKE BOOM! MAKE MOAR BOOM!”

Your eye twitches, Lyler, the unfortunate twin of Lyra. You loved Lyra like a sister, yet her twin...Her twin was an aberration of nature. You cared for her, you couldn't bring yourself to hate her, but she was an anomaly in normal society.

“MY HEAD FUR FEEL FUNNY,BUTT FURR FEEL HOT!”

“Lyler, what did you do?” You grind your teeth, holding back the immense rage and tears that threaten your composure.

“NO TENDIES! THEY SAY NO, I SAY THEY GO!”

“So you burn the place down because of that? Your sister and I discussed with you burning buildings down is bad,” you pause, you know you have to fix this, and you know perfectly well how to. Thankfully you knew the perfect spell to do so. “Lyler, tell me EXACTLY what you were doing before you made boom.”

Looking at Lyler she had the remains of the cactus wedged in her, oh sweet Celestia, it's in her bleeding anus. “MY BUMBUM FEEL FUNNY!”

“J-just focus for five seconds and tell me what you did.”

Lyler stares off into space before proceeding to scoot in circles on her bleeding rear like a dog, somehow her mane and tail is still somehow on fire yet, not harming her. Until she falls over and the fire consumes her like a toilet paper roll in a bonfire.

You have no words, and only face hoof, upon looking down you see that she had scooted out some words. “FIRE COOK TIENDIES FAST.”

BAD END

Right...Time to well go back in time and fix this horrid mistake…

Ten minutes before

You rush ahead of the group and teleport directly into the back of the shop, just in time to catch Lyler lifting up a gryphon chef and shaking him back and forth.

“YOU BIG CHIKUN,U HAVE BIG TENDIES,GIB ME TENDIES!” screeching at the top of her lungs, as the horrified chef shakes and quivers in her hooves, behind him the gas stove was turned on max, yet the pilot wasn’t lit. Concluding that was the cause of the explosion you move quickly to turn the stove off with your magic and carefully approach Lyler.

“Hey, Lyler dear, let the Gryphon down, he's not a chicken, he doesn't have tendies. Let's go get Mr.BoomBoom and have you go back to Ponyville, I'm sure Lyra is missing you right now.”

“TENDIES FOR THE TENDIE GOD!” With a horrific shriek Lyler tosses the the gryphon out of the backdoor of the cafe and charges into the restaurant. The abrupt appearance of the unicorn and her hysterical ravings sending the patrons into a mass hysteria. Chasing after Lyler you watch in horror as Anon opens the door to be trampled to quite presumably to death by fifty panicked equestrians .

“Mother Bucker...Let's try that again.”

Bad End 2

This time you teleport in the kitchen, turn off the stove and barricade the kitchen doors, leaving only the back door as a means of exit. Once again you talk Lyler down and she tosses the gryphon out the door, seeing that there was only one exit Lyler screeches in a high pitch whine and rams her head against the barricade before turning around and running after the gryphon.
The resounding silence was a breath of fresh air, rubbing your ears with your hooves. Not that was taken care off you teleport back with the rest of the team. Only to see Lyler had somehow manages to hijack a taxi carriage and had the gryphon pulling it as it careened down the street you close your eyes, as something warm and wet splashes your face.

Bad End 3

Try number four, This HAS to be the right way to do it. Teleporting to the kitchen grab Lyler throw her out the shop, turn off stove, and send gryphon into the cafe part. Simple. Or so it should have been had Lyler not obtained a bucking chainsaw. How in tartarus did she get it? You can only blame one particular pink mare residing in Ponyville. For Chainsaw related emergencies. But that wasn't the worst part, no not even the flying limbs of poor diners doing their best impressions of the french revolution, no it was the fact she kept spouting witty one liners. “BUZZ OFF”, or “This is gonna cost you a arm and a leg”, or “I'm going out on a limb on this one”, “Heads up”, “YOU ARE DISARMED!” It was more horrifying than the gruesome scene before you. You had no choice but to go back and stop the pink one this time. For the fate of all of Equestria and the proper use of one liners.

Cheesey 80’s Action Movie End

Going back once again you decide you need to do something more drastic this time. Simply having Lyler leave the kitchen or risk her getting killed would only be a problem you did not want to deal with, after all killing your best friends unfortunate twin sister would not weigh well on your conscience. Proceeding to stop the stove, save the gryphon and halt Lyler in your magic you carry her out and set her out in front, ignoring the confused glances from your team mates. You Set Lyler down in front of Mr.BoomBoom.

“MR.BOOMBOOM U ARE HERE! HELP ME GET TENDIES!” Lifting the cactus she starts to suck on the tip of it,”ME PRACTICE FOR PEEPEE!”

“Umm...Minuette, Who is that and why is she sucking on a cactus?” Anon asks you as she and the team gather around Lyler and you.

“Uhh...This...is a no one I know...I uhh, just helped her get here as she was lost…I got to go.”

Awkward End

EVERY single time you try to go back and save that Celestia damned mare, something goes horribly wrong, and you reached your limit. Your mane was frazzled your eye was twitching and you had enough, you thought you had finally figured out just the right pattern to stop this wretched circle of death and destruction, somehow she summons a bucking eldritch horror from a blood sacrifice of Anon. Gripping a stretched out coat hanger you had one last task to do in order to restore order of the world and once again return the timeline to a good end. Using a more forbidden form of time travel magic you find yourself inside a cozy cabin, a mare was peacefully rocking back and forth, Ms. Heartstrings, the soon to be mother of twins, well not anymore.

“You and me have some words to share,” You glare holding up a coat hanger in you magical grip, before the mare before you could react you leap upon her.

Present time

Happily you skip along with your team, earlier that day you spoke to your best friend Lyra, it was a miracle she survived your previous time exploit but lo and behold she had still been born as healthy as could be. You lucked out when you scrambled the right egg so to speak...In front of the cafe was a single cactus with crudely drawn on writing, “Mr.BoomBoom.”

No...That can't be right. You went back to ensure this wouldn't happen, this had to be pure coincidence. Sweating you quickly teleporting into the back from the kitchen.

There she was, alive and well...as well as she could be. “HOW ARE YOU ALIVE? I ABORTED YOU?!?” you can't help but scream at her.

As she stuffs the Gryphon’s head into her crotch she slowly turns her head a full 180 degrees, “I GOT BETTER!”

Then it hit you, it was YOU that made her like that. You didn't need to stop her, you needed to stop yourself. Taking a deep breath and focusing on a far simpler spell. One that would send only your mind back, a form of data transfer through time. When you come to, your once again standing in front of Mrs. Heartstrings, “Take care of them,” and with a sad smile you return back to your timeline.

This Current year

Something was horribly wrong yet again. The once clean streets of canterlot was barren and desolate. Buildings were worn and battered as if abandoned for years. Looking around the streets, not a single pony could be seen. Posters battered and worn bore a image a familiar face.

“TENDIES FOR THE TENDIE GODDESS!” surrounded the image of what looked like Lyler, but as a Princess Alicorn and not a simple unicorn, “Or SUFFER HER WRATH!”

“Oh...no bucking way…” You gallop through the streets trying to find someone or something familiar . Only to find empty lifeless streets. Not a single sign of life for hundreds of miles around. You decide your only hope is to seek out the castle, just maybe one of the royal sisters would still be around for help.

When the ruined castle comes into view you gallop as fast as your tired hooves would carry you. Much like the city the castle was in equal if not in a state far worse of wear then the city ever was. The walls had long fallen to some unknown assailant the gates torn as if they were merely paper and tossed aside. Discarded weapons and armor dotted the open courtyard signs of a battle long lost in time. Vines and hedges over grow the once meticulously maintained gardens, some completely covering parts of the fallen towers.

You were terrified, what exactly happened when you went back in time? Where did you go wrong? One stop at a time your hooves echoed in empty halls, leading to the throne room. Before you stood the doors that once were opened by two guards to allow access to the Royal sisters court. Now there was only crimson stains in the spots they once stood. Shivering with fear you push open the large doors, the hinges screeching loudly in the empty halls.

Before you in the throne once Celestia and her sister once sat, was now occupied by a Seafoam green Alicorn. Her mane was longer than you remembered, flowing gently in a unfelt breeze. Resting on her six hooves upon her broken throne, her cheery simple smile, was nonexistent, instead a broken hearted expression stained her face. She doesn't even look up when you get inches from her, her coat soiled by dirt blood and other unsightly things that would horrify a nobel. Yet when she breaks from her distant trance her eyes fall on you, for the briefest second a glimmer of hope flashes, then fades, giving you a knowing look she flairs out her six wings before speaking:

“My mother did not realize she was having twins. She did not catch the telltale signs of a pregnancy or the complications that would follow. Nor that she would bear twins. Your actions did not change the world, Minuette, it was your words that did. Take care of them. Four little words that altered all of history. Take care of Them, you see, it was not because I was aborted and got better. It was not because I was dropped on my head too many times, it was due to complications at birth I became the pony you once knew, until you forewarned my mother of her pregnancy and of having twins. In the end it saved Lyra and my life, there was no complications, no defects, only two healthy happy unicorn foals.”

She pauses wrapping one of her torn and broken wings over you pulling you in a tight hug, though her stench was putrid, you did not falter in return the hug to your friend. Comforted she lets you go and continues, “Over time I grew up smarter than anypony else so much so that Twilight Sparkle was not the one selected as Celestia’s student, Nightmare Moon would never be freed, discord word forever remain imprisoned and chrysalis would never survive her attack on Canterlot. Without Twilight to ascend I did so in her place as Celestia’s protégé. When the demon came that stole our ponies magic, I was left alone. Celestia gave me her all her magic and hid me from the world until it was safe once again. When the dead walked, I had no pony nor the power to help save those who were left. When I sank into madness demanding the few survivors to bring me breaded meat of a poultry I had no pony to stop me. You created a time where Ponykind has gone extinct.You and I are the only survivors”

Raising from her throne, joints stiff form countless days if not years of sitting creak and groan loudly, stiffly she stumbles off the worn and broken chair, her crown, taken from the former princess herself after her passing, clatters to the ground, a ghostly sound that echos in the empty courtroom. Grimacing in pain Princess Lyler stands tall once more, before a long lost friend.

“But how are you acting,” You pause trying to find the right words, ”Acting so, well normal? I mean you have six wings and six hooves? How is that even plausible?”

Princess Lyler waves her hooves dismissively, "I have moments of clarity in the deep fog of my mind, Traces of Celestia’s magic still guides me when the time is right, like now, I my mind is clear yet soon I will once again be the very being I was condemned to be from the start,so I ask of you not as the sole surviving princess but as a friend, to go back one last time. Stop not yourself and your team from leaving the labs. Save Anonymous when the time comes as he is key to our salvation. I, Princess Lyler, ask this of you and grant you the magic you need to return home and undo what was done. Save pony kind and tell Lyra. Tell her I'm sorry I couldn't be a better sister, that I was a burden to her and her life. Tell her I love her with all my heart. Now Go the darkness draws near lest it takes you and our kind’s last hope.”

With a tears in her eyes Princess Lyler turns to face the courts doors. Prepared to make her final stand in a soon to be dead timeline. “Go now, this time is doomed to fail. If you succeed, all my pain all my failure will be made to nothing, so Go me dear friend, go and change the future for a better tomorrow.”

In a bright flash you catch a glimpse of a tall dark figure bursting through the doors then nothing.

Earlier that morning right after the introduction with anon.

“Hey girls what do you say we go get lunch outside the castle?” Anon cheerfully asks full of excitement for finally being a member of the R & D team.

You rub your hooves against your eyes, it worked you once again returned to the proper timeline.

“I was thinking going to the cafeteria would be better that way we can grab something quick and get right back into the shape dilemma as we eat,” you optimistically pipe in. Several nods of approval greet you much to your relief.

“Very well most efficient if I say so myself,” Moon Dancer adds in leading the team into the corridors that would take them to the castle grounds.

Relief washes over your being as the nightmare was finally over. Yet for some reason you felt this was just the beginning of something far more complex than you could ever imagine.

In another timeline

The dark figure walks toward Princess Lyler, as the magic disperses it reveals a tall human, causing the Princess of Tendies to gasp, “ANERN?!?! YER ALIVE?”

The human smirks, ”Not even Tarturous could hold me, you know that Lyler, I made a promise all those years ago, it's only fair I keep it. Plus I'm good with dogs so Cerberus was no problem at all. Now how about we blow this joint? We hot a population to restore, you, me and some kick ass tendies?”

He reaches over to her and brushes his hand against her muzzle.

She came and started farting

“LOOKS LIKE SQUASH SOUP IS FOR DINNER!”

True end?

Author's Note

I want to first off thank FlutterPriest for looking over this chapter for me. For letting me use his ever so horrifyingly amusing character Lyler as part of the Tendie quest as many writers have Lyler travel through the universes to find chikun tendies.

Second of all I would like to apologize to anyone who read this chapter, and yes, this is actually cannon to the story. All I'm going to say is there was some foreshadowing involved.

I'm not actually sorry, it was too much fun to do to be sorry
I had a blast typing up the chapter and we have only one last chapter till the beginnings arc is over. Stick around because I still have a lot of ground to cover for this story and the world is just unfolding before us.
Thank you all for reading this and for you patients of my ever so slow updates.