Methodology II: Know Thyself, Know Thy Enemy

The next day was very busy. Besides getting access to a field from the Apples, Haystacks also had to make sure the surrounding area was reasonably clear, find a supply of 10 meter poles (or poles that could be joined together into 10 m lengths), and recruit ponies to set the whole thing up. He did not bother personally with bleachers for observers, but before she left for Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie said she would take care of it. She was a bit unclear on why he needed long poles, though.

"You'll see," was all Haystacks would say on the matter.

The construction was complicated enough that he wished he had thought of this plan before coming here, or least given more time before the challenge. But then, if this worked he would only have 3 days, working around Rainbow Dash's schedule, to do actual research, so there was little he could do about it. He supposed he could stretch that to 4 on his end, but then he'd lose the prep time he would probably need.

The poles were the biggest problem. A small town did not keep 10 meter long metal poles lying around. Ultimately, some joined piping with wiring mounts for support serviced well enough. Resolving THAT problem took a few hours by itself. Once the problem had been worked out, there was still the task of raising 100 such poles around a multi-kilometer circumference. He had recruited a few ponies the previous night, and a few more curious ponies wandered in that he managed to set to work. He accomplished this largely by the technique one of his advisors used of acting like you know what you are doing when you give ponies instructions. A few drifted in and out, but the total number working remained roughly constant. Thankfully, this town was mostly earth ponies, which meant they had the strength needed to set and hold the poles up, while he and the occasional other pegasus set up the support wires. It was unlikely that word would not filter back to Rainbow Dash with this many ponies working, but he was reasonably confident that they would not get the full scope of his strategy.

In the late afternoon, presumably after her shift at the bakery, Pinkie Pie came back, bringing with her some foldable bleachers and a number of helpers she had recruited. She seemed impressed with what had been accomplished so far.

"Wow! I can't even see where they lead!" she said.

"Well, you could from high up," Haystacks said, before turning to the rest. "Ok everyone, take 5 then we'll reorganize with the new ponies!" he said in a loud voice so that all would here. A few of the ponies sighed and visibly slumped. Okay, so maybe his knowledge of Earth Pony limitations was a bit lacking.

"You know, I bet setting this up would make a really good montage!" Pinkie Pie said, "But what song woudl go with it? Hmmm... 'Raise these poles, raise these poles...'" Pinkie sang a few bars, thought about it for a moment, then shook her head slightly. "No, that doesn't work," she said, "Maybe... 'race track set-up race track set-uuuuup...' No, That doesn't seem right either. Wow, who knew coming up wtih a montage song could be so hard?"

Haystacks blinked deliberately a few times as he listened. He liked singing well enough, he supposed, but they had not been recording this or anything. Did she expect ponies to sing a line then stop for twenty minutes before singing the rest, as if someone were recording them and splicing pieces of the process together?

"I'll... just leave that to you, then," he said, glancing around. "You'll need... what, 2 ponies to help you set up the bleachers?"

"Yeah, yeah," Pinkie said distractedly, waving a hoof, "Hmm... '

He left her to it and got back to directing the other ponies.

The changing group of volunteers had been working essentially all day by the time the sun went down, and had only set up around half of the poles. However, Haystacks considered, they had solved the major problems with how to set things up, so they should be able to finish up and leave him time to rest then warm up before the race.

Haystacks strongly suspected Rainbow Dash had spied on the track construction, or would do so tonight. Then again, maybe not: she was rather prideful. Some of that was show but then, show was important to someone like that.

The night passed, as did the next day, without much incident. It was a little tighter than he would have liked, but they did manage to finish the track set-up about an hour before the race was set to start. Haystacks had to rest at the far end of the newly constructed track and use the flight back as warm-up. He was surprised to find that the stands were apparently filled, and Pinkie Pie had acquired a microphone from somewhere.

"Good evening ponies and gentlecolts!" Pinkie Pie said into the microphone, "We're here at the race of the century! Or at least of the next few days! I'm Pinkie Pie, here with color commentary. There's our green challenger now! Rainbow Dash, the defending champion, is blue with a mane that's all sorts of colors!"

Haystacks decided to let that oddity be and looked for Rainbow Dash, who was doing some wing stretches near Pinkie Pie.

"Well, I'm guessing this'll be some kind of endurance race," Rainbow Dash was saying as Haystacks gently landed, "It's the obvious thing to do."

"Right you are," Haystacks said, drawing her attention, "Ready to hear the challenge?"

Rainbow Dash flexed her wings. "Bring it! I've been working on pacing myself."

Haystacks nodded, then walked up to Pinkie Pie. He gestured with his wing at the microphone.

"Yes, it is a microphone!" Pinkie said.

Haystacks sighed and gently took the microphone with his wing.

"Alright, so the local ponies have constructed this track... let's take a moment to give them a hoof." Haystacks stomped his hooves, provoking a similar reaction from the crowd. Though the reaction was a bit tepid from those who had not helped.

"So staying outside of the poles," Haystacks continued once it had quieted down. He gestured at the nearest pole with his free wing. "We will race continuously for..." he paused here for what he hoped was dramatic effect. "500 laps!" He looked around. The general reaction was confused.

"So yeah, endurance race," Rainbow Dash said, edging closer to the mic, "I figured. I'll admit, I'm not that great on those, but I should be fine. That's an awful lot of laps, though. Why not just cross-country?"

Haystacks could not quite hide a grin. "Well, you've probably done that before," he said with a shrug.

"Huh. Makes sense," Rainbow Dash said. Haystacks handed the microphone back to Pinkie.

"So there you have it, sports fans!" Pinkie Pie said, "The horseshoe has been thrown! And it might be a leaner!"

"I think she lost the metaphor somewhere in there," Haystacks muttered quietly to Rainbow Dash. She chuckled.

"And over here, AppleJack and Big Mac have volunteered to count the contestants' laps!" she said, indicating another table he had not noticed before.

Haystacks slapped his forehead with his hoof. He had completely forgotten about that! Of course they could keep count themselves, but without a third-party observer, she might doubt the results, should he win. He rather hoped they would be impartial.

"Eeeyup," a red stallion who had to have been Big Mac said. Apparently there was another microphone on their table.

"Seeyin' as the finish line is in our fields, it only seemed proper," Applejack said, "'Sides, it's good practice for countin' apples and cider and such."

"Eeyup."

The stallion did not talk much. Haystacks vaguely remembered Applejack mentioning a brother at the party. That must be him.

"On your marks!" Pinkie Pie said, raising a hoof. Haystacks quickly snapped out of his reverie and dashed into position. Rainbow Dash was also clearly caught of guard, but speed and practice put her in position before he was. She crouched down in a good racer's stance. Haystacks tried to do the same, but he was pretty sure he was doing it wrong.

"Get set!" They were already set. Haystacks wondered if he had been supposed to wait for that to be said to actually take a stance.

"Go!" Pinkie said, rendering the previous pondering academic.

Rainbow Dash, naturally, took off in a flash, moving at very nearly the speed of sound. Haystacks was not too much of a slouch on sprinting, but this was not a short race. He took off at a much slower pace, the flying equivalent to a trot.

"And they're neck in neck! No wait, they totally aren't! Rainbow Dash is actually way ahead!" Pinkie Pie announced. Haystacks tried not to pay it too much mind as he adjusted his flight path so as to avoid Rainbow Dash's draft as she passed around, which she did less than a minute into the race.

"And Rainbow Dash laps the challenger!" Pinkie Pie said, continuing her narration, "in fact, he hardly seems to be trying!"

That was certainly not true, but he was carefully pacing himself. Angle just right. Maintain altitude and speed once you hit the sweet spot. Keep breathing. Focus on breathing evenly.

"500 of these?" Applejack said from her mic, "This could take awhile."

"Eeyup."

Applejack turned over another card as Rainbow Dash completed her second lap.

As time went on, the crowd started to dwindle. After an hour, the score was Rainbow Dash: 160 laps, Haystacks: 60 laps.

"And it's not looking good for the challenger! Rainbow Dash is comfortably in the lead... or uncomfortably in the lead, as she seems to be tiring!" Pinkie Pie said by way of narration.

It was true: Rainbow Dash was showing signs of tiring. She was breathing less easily and sweating, neither of which had she been doing before. She was still travelling much faster than Haystacks, but she was slowing down. Another fifteen minutes or so went by like this, and then...

"And what's this? It seems Celestia's started to lower the sun!"

Celestia's usual sun-lowering process took about an hour. Fifteen minutes in, the sun was now positioned such that it blinded the racers on nearly half of the track.

"Gah! What?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, trying to shield her eyes with her wings. Haystacks gently swooped by below her, many laps behind but apparently not suffering. Rainbow Dash took a minute to see why.

"Wow, what is he doing?" Pinkie Pie announced, "Is he racing with his eyes closed? Well I guess it's not as hard as reading with your eyes closed!"

Rainbow Dash got ahead and flew backwards just long enough to determine that that was what he was doing. What she could not figure out was how he kept close in to the track markers. She decided she could not waste time figuring it out and took off again.

His secret? His wingtips brushing the poles let him keep to the track, keeping his horizontal motion on course. Occasionally he would look down to make sure he was maintaining altitude.

Naturally, on the other side of the track there was no problem, but for nearly 45 minutes, the blinding sun caused Rainbow Dash to struggle to stay on the track, and she tired faster. By this point the score stood at 290 laps for Rainbow Dash and 120 for Haystacks.

"Sun's finally down, and Rainbow Dash is more than halfway done!" Pinkie Pie said, "She's definitely starting to struggle, but can the challenger make up that must lost ground? ...Honestly, I'm starting to get a little bored here. Anyone else bored?"

"Settle down, sugar cube," Applejack said from her table, flipping over another number for Rainbow Dash, "We commited to this job, and we're gonna see it through."

"Eeyup, "said Big Mac. He was flipping over numbers less frequently than his sister, but he did not seem to mind.

Rainbow Dash had noticeably slowed since her initial burst, but she was still moving faster than Haystacks. He, however, continued to glide along without apparent concern. On some level, he was actually a nervous wreck, but he had to focus on maintaing his course and regulating his breathing, so none of it showed. He was getting bored as well, starting to slip a bit, but with his unoccupied brain power he worked through his equations for this race again, making sure everything was on track.

Night fell and still the ponies raced on. One hour passes... two hours... Now most of the audience had gone, and Pinkie Pie had stopped commenting for the most part. She alternated between making random observations about unrelated things and apparently dozing off. Thankfully, the lap counters/judges had kept up their vigil, though Applejack was starting to show signs of annoyance. Choosing them had been a good call. Now the score stood at 435 laps for Rainbow Dash and 240 for Haystacks. But now Rainbow Dash was moving slower than he was, and the gap was slowly narrowing. To top it off, it was approaching the time when Rainbow Dash would be in bed, or at the very least not flying around as best as she could. She found herself struggling to stay awake.

By the end of the fifth hour, Rainbow Dash was barely staying in the air and barely moving forward. It might have benefited her to stop and rest, taking advantage of her lead, but as Haystacks had hoped, her pride would not allow that. The score now stood at 450 laps to 300. Rainbow Dash had covered a mere 15 laps in a whole hour.

Still on they went. Pinkie was fast asleep by a certain point, and the stoic Big Mac had to nudge his sister on the now-rare occasions when Rainbow Dash finished a lap. Finally, in the midst of the 8th hour, the counts matched up. Rainbow Dash had managed to make it to lap 462, partway through 463, when Haystacks caught up in the lap count. But, again as he had hoped, she was too exhausted to notice, and the reticent Big Mac, the only one other than Haystacks close to fully alert, said nothing.

Rainbow Dash collapsed entirely, panting for breath and about to fall asleep on her wings, before completing lap 465. She landed and promptly closed her eyes. At this point, Haystacks had made to to lap 480. The race was nearly won, but he kept going at almost exactly the same pace. Breath, flap, glide. Big Mac had flipped over lap 298 for Haystacks when Rainbow Dash blearily opened her eyes. Suddenly recalling where she was, she frantically looked around. Her wings ached, but she flew up and, as she began to finish this lap, saw the lap count. She put in a last burst of speed, as fast as she could manage in that state. Big Mac nudged Apple Jack awake again.

"Go Rainbow! You can do it!" she yelled. The microphone was still live, and this woke Pinkie Pie up.

"Five more minutes... Oh! We may not have that kind of time! It seems while I was taking a nap, Rainbow Dash was losing!" Pinkie Pie said.

The three sleeping ponies still in the audience woke up themselves, and the two of them gasped.

"Shocking!" one of them said.

"The horror, the horror!" another exclaimed. It was not at all clear what she was referring to. The racers could not hear them anyway.

Rainbow Dash got to lap 470 while Haystacks had one left. He ignored the temptation to put on a burst of speed and kept going at his previous pace. Even Big Mac seemed to be excited. Rainbow Dash pushed herself as hard as she could, but then her wing cramped up on lap 474. She looked around in a bit of a daze and then started going by hoof, finishing up that lap as Haystacks rounded into the home stretch. She managed to cross the finish line ahead of him... but 26 laps behind.

"And it's a photo finish!" Pinkie Pie said, waving a picture she had taken with a camera she apparently had on her. "Well, not really. Looking at the lap count, Rainbow Dash lost by a mile! Actually several miles... How long is this track?"

"About 6 kilometers, "Haystacks said, turning and landing lightly next to the stage. He turned to Big Mac. "You didn't lose count at any point, did you?"

Big Mac thought a moment before responding. "Mmmm... nope."

Rainbow Dash trotted over, nursing her sore wings. "Well, I'm not happy about it," she mumbled, "But you won fair and square... stop by my place tomorrow and I'll help you with your nerd stuff."

Haystacks's eyes widened and he ruffled his wings in shock. "In that state? No way you could make a Sonic Rainboom like that! Rest up tomorrow, go to the spa or something! Day after tomorrow, assuming you're feeling 100% by then, we'll start. I'm here the rest of the week, plus next weekend, so we'll still have two or three days that way. That should be enough." He looked around. "Right now, I think we'd all better go get some sleep."

Every other pony present made some sort of sound of assent to that suggestion.

"Well," Rainbow dash said, the word turning into a yawn, "I guess I can't argue, seeing as I lost and all. But I'll have a thing or two to say about this later." She yawned again. This time it caught on and Haystacks and Pinkie Pie yawned, which spread to the Apples, and from there to the three remaining spectators.

"That is," Rainbow Dash continued, "When I'm not so tired." She started to nod off, then shook her head and fleshed her wings. She winced. "Actually, AJ? Could I stay at your place tonight?"

"Sure thing sugar cube," Applejack said, "Just mosey on in and try not to wake Granny and Apple Bloom."

Haystacks tried to quietly sneak away to his own hotel room, but Pinkie Pie caught him.

"Wow! That was amazing! I didn't think for a second that you could beat Rainbow Dash! I mean, no offense, but she's super amazingly fast, and you're totally not! How did you do it?!"

Haystacks smirked. "Science," he said simply, then flew away to forestall another stream of words.

Author's Note

A more thorough explanation of how this scheme worked will appear in the epilogue.