Red and Black 2

Patient cantered in the bustling streets of Canterlot, accompanied by a hobbling Charlotte. She wore a cloak that cascaded down her back and to the rear pasterns, covering up most if not all of her ailments. Still, that did not stop the creme de la creme of Canterlot from giving the duo the hairy eyeball.

The two ignored the stares and continued to march on their way. "So… what were you doing before you got roped into this whole mess?" Patient asked, turning to Charlotte with a frown.

Charlotte turned to Patient and stared at him with a wan smile. "Would you believe me if I told you?" she asked.

"After all the dogshit I've seen, I'll believe anything at this point.” Patient gave a dry laugh, idly wondering whatever it was Charlotte would throw at him.

Charlotte shook her head and rolled her eyes in a way that told Patient 'I don't believe you.' Still, she began regardless, "Discord… pulled me and my friends from another dimension's afterlife."

Patient's eyes bugged at the sheer absurdity of what he'd just heard. He turned to gawk at Charlotte, who merely stared back with her smile fading. "What." A pause, the H of his response being emphasized. "I swear to the Gods, what are you talking about?"

"I wish I was kidding," Charlotte replied, her tone low and ominous. "And then… me and my friends were given new bodies by—I'm betting bits to bridles your jaw will rotate the earth shortly—being born to red and black alicorns."

Patient continued to give Charlotte the gimlet eye.”Charlotte, I swear to the fucking Gods. Are you…currently...as drunk as I was last night?”

Charlotte shook her head. "That's besides the point. Discord pulled us away from the alicorns we were… reincarnated to, and restored our memories and… past forms, somewhat." Here she imitated Discord's accent as best she could, "'With how the alicorns of crimson and sable are degrading, I figured you would shake things up chaotically well.' How he did it, I'm still trying to figure out."

Patient continued to stare. Idly, his mind wandered to the alicorn who barged into the War Room, and how he rattled on about how Patchouli… he blinked. "Did he… do the same to Patchouli?" he asked.

Charlotte shrugged. "Wouldn't surprise me if he did."

Patient groaned and turned ahead again, making a mental note to ask Princess Twilight later, if only to try to make sense of it all. Pushing the confusion aside, he changed the subject, "What would you do if the nobles… I dunno, made it so only they could get the best spells taught in schools to their foals alone?"

Charlotte narrowed her eyes and thought about it for a moment. “I'd probably take Stella up there to tear them a new one if they did that. Doubly so, if they tried passing forbidden spells to be taught to school-age KIDS on top of that," she groused. "I don't care if they're trying to teach foals forbidden arts to curb the red and black menace or if it's to fatten their own pockets, they're forbidden for a reason!"

“... I mean you’re right.” Patient chuckled. “What constitutes as a forbidden spell, anyways? Other than half the shit you and I know about.”

"What's the forbidden arts that you're aware of? You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine," Charlotte challenged, turning to Patient to flash him another wan smile.

“Eh… Pyromancy… conjuration of some illegal drugs, sort of, and… um, illegal uses of levitation, like, pulling teeth out of an alicorn’s head for more information.”

Charlotte's smile widened. "Well…" She took a deep breath before rattling off, "Necromancy, illegal transmogrifications from one species to another, venomancy, petrification, pyromancy, cryomancy, and electromancy, illegal uses of tornadoes, several dozen hexes, illegal summoning spells, giving guns to creatures produced by said illegal summoning spells, and one spell to reverse almost any and all ailments."

“Ah… okay…” Patient nodded, continuing to take in all of the utter dogshit he’d been exposing himself to. A thought hit him, and he turned to Charlotte again. "Did the alicorns capture you… because of what you know?"

"Not sure why they did anymore. The excuses changed every two hours." Charlotte shrugged and rolled her eyes again. "For all I know, it may as well have been 'because we could.' Not that they could even get any intel from me, mind you."

"Wait… the alicorns failed to get you to spill the beans?" Patient asked, one brow raising. “Color me surprised,” he added with extra sarcasm.

Charlotte shrugged again. "They kept shoving things into my mouth, and far too often for me to speak if you get the drift. I was drugged so many times I honestly lost count of how many days I was sober enough to try and remove my magic inhibitor."

“Were they giving you doobies?” Patient asked.

"No, they had gotten their filthy hooves on more… dangerous chemicals." Charlotte sighed and twitched her ears. "I had to go to Canterlot infirmary just to get detoxified, and the results are something you wouldn't believe. The alicorns may have drove me to drink yet again…" She gave a groan of discomfort. "Oh, and they have no taste in alcohol. None at all. I don't think they know how to brew alcohol, either."

"Have you ever had Sweet Apple Acres cider?" Patient asked, hoping to divert Charlotte's attention from ranting and raving.

Charlotte nodded, and her eyes brightened considerably. A fond smile crossed her face. "Oh, yes… but I haven't gotten drunk off of it. The Apples… oh, they know what they're doing," she chirped.

Patient smiled. At least he'd gotten somewhere.

*********

The Royal Courtbox was in full swing, and in the middle of the room stood an earth pony stallion with a slicked-back grey mane and a brown coat. He was facing off with Viscount Cyril, who was grinning smugly at him.

“And I’ll tell you that I’ve already sent Ponyville’s quota of volunteer militia to the front lines! I can’t spare any more stallions for this mission you’re trying to pull! I even lowered the requirement age to 16 and I still could barely reach the minimum numbers!” the stallion cried, hoping to appease Cyril.

“Well, Filthy Rich, you may want to send your own filly out to the front lines if that’s the case, since you can’t recruit more military age stallions and colts.” Cyril's smug grin widened at Filthy's face as it contorted to a paling look of abject, wide-eyed horror. "Maybe she could whip them into shape… and pay off whatever dues she owes you."

Filthy's ears pinned back, and his pupils shrank. "I-I couldn't send her out to the front lines! She’s my everything!” He balked at Cyril's grin, almost as if it were eating at his soul. "W-what would you have done if you h-had a foal and… sent them to the front lines?"

Cyril's grin somehow widened. "I have already done that, and the cur came back… with his remnants in a soup can," he hissed. "His genes were inferior."

Filthy felt himself choking up, unable to come up with a response to Cyril's retort. Somepony else in the audience, however, was all too happy to speak for him, "You sent your foal to die?"

Cyril turned to the speaker, finding one Sapphire Reedwind casting a baleful glare at him. "Haven't you done likewise?" he hissed, causing Sapphire to flinch and balk. His grin went Cheshire as soon as he saw that he struck a nerve.

Just as Cyril asked that, the doors opened and Patient and Charlotte walked up behind the shaken Filthy Rich before veering off to sit at the back of the room and wait their turn. They did not escape Cyril's notice, either, and he turned to them faster than they could hide. "Aaaaah, we have some new guests… would somepony tell me who keeps letting these filthy commoners into this area of prestige?"

“I think your prestige was thrown out the window last night after you got into it with me in front of.. .literally everypony of importance in this town,” Patient snorted. “Cunt,” he added coldly.

"What happened?" Charlotte whispered to Patient, turning to look at him with a brow raised.

Cyril snorted. "You would do best to avoid addressing me by such lowly words, cur," he hissed.

“Equestria free speech laws exist, faggot. Try again,” Patient snarked.

Charlotte groaned and turned to regard Cyril, frowning at his seemingly-fixed smile. "In that case, would you do the honors of… bringing us up to speed, then?" she asked.

Cyril canted his head. He turned to Patient. "I propose that we send off stallions like that nurse—" He lifted a hoof and pointed at Patient "—to the front lines. That way we can tell the competent from the feeble, and weed out the feeble."

“And how many alicorns have you killed? One on one? With your own four hooves?” Patient asked in a smooth, level tone.

Charlotte shook her head and giggled a little. "Or with magic?" she chimed in.

“That’s besides the point. The ones you’ve killed were probably small foals anyway, damn sub-pony scum,” Cyril sneered.

Both Charlotte and Patient seized up and issued choking sounds from their throats. They shook their heads, and Charlotte piped up, "How would you know that, exactly? Were you there?"

Cyril growled. “That. Is. Besides. The. Point.” He trotted up to and then spat on the immaculate tiled floor before the two. “What are you hiding under that cloak?”

"That's none of your concern, you trumped-up egomaniac," Charlotte hissed, eyes narrowing to thin slits.

“I have no ego, worm. I only understand the world better than you,” Cyril snarled.

“Speaking of understanding the world better than we do, that report you were talking about earlier. We’re entitled to know about it as well,” Patient spoke up.

Charlotte donned a slightly manic smirk. "Know more? About the world?" she challenged, one eye twitching. "How much do you know about the red and black alicorns' capabilities as a whole? How do you know to counter such? How much power do they possess? And what's your ranking amongst the nobles gathered here, hrrrrm?"

Cyril harrumphed. "That's none of your concern, you mangy mongrel," he scoffed.

His smug smile finally dropped in lieu of a slack jaw once Luna piped up from her seat, "Too dangerous and too many to count, and you're higher ranked than Viscount Cyril is, Miss Runic Tome."

Charlotte leaned in to whisper in Patient's ear, "'Runic Tome' is a name I settled for before remembering my… er, past-life shenanigans."

Patient nodded, and smiled at the look on Cyril's face. "A-a-a commoner… higher ranked than I?" Cyril shook his head and turned to Luna. "Inconceivable!"

Luna shook her head gravely. "Afraid not, dearest Viscount. You're staring at another Knight who serves a house of high standing," she replied. She assumed a slightly smug grin. "And she has an earth pony friend, also a Knight… of her rank."

"An… earth pony is higher-ranked than me?! W-when did this become possible?! How?! I demand an explanation for this nonsense!" Cyril bellowed, his face turning red and puffy with anger.

Luna's smirk widened. "There's another of similar ranking: Tenmei."

“Hmph. Of course. The earth pony with sight issues.” Cyril rolled his eyes as he made the remark, before his eyes bulged when he realized what he'd just said and the implications thereof. The look that formed on his face when the revelation hit him would have made for one hell of a photoshoot, if only Patient brought a camera with him. "The earth pony with sight issues has a higher rank?!" he squealed, his inflection now rising a good octave higher as the words left his mouth.

Patient and Charlotte could not help but snicker as he blanched. "F-Filthy is just a commoner!" Cyril yelled, turning to Filthy as he spoke.

Luna tuttered. "Nay, for even he is higher-ranked than thee… and better respected," she chimed in.

"But I'm thoroughbred! H-h-he isn't! Isn't th-that what determines rank?!" Cyril stammered, hoping to get Luna to cease with her shenanigans.

Luna, however, wasn't buying it. "Nay, for wealth, deeds, titles passed on through familial bonds and other such requisites determine rank. When has the House of Hydrapike done anything noteworthy in the past… two centuries, hrrrm?" she retorted.

Cyril stood there, petrified for but a few seconds before his face transitioned from white to blood-boiling red. "You'll regret putting earth ponies above me in rank!" he declared before turning tail and storming out of the Court, nose up high and horn even higher.