You know, when I started the day I never would have expected to be crowned as a prince, even if only in name, nor would I have ever conceived of being chaperoned by a pink pony princess who looks like she doesn't eat nearly enough to be considered healthy. But the most unanticipated thing of all? I now have to reeducate myself from the ground up, because, as it turns out, despite how it sounds exactly like English, the alphabet of Equish (groan) is entirely different from what I had expected it to be.

"Son of a bitch," I groan, setting aside a book on history I had planned on reading, Cadance standing at attention nearby, watching me like a garishly pink hawk. "Well, this is certainly going to set back my plans a bit."

"What's the problem?" The princess asks, seemingly oblivious to my plight. She's really starting to seriously remind me of Celestia and not in any way that could be conceivably be construed as good.

"Oh, you know, just a minor thing," I reply, holding up a second book to emphasize my point. "Just that, despite being fluent in speaking it, I am somehow unable to read your language."

"Oh, is that all?" Her response brings a frown to my face. "Auntie Celestia thought that might be the case, so she took the liberty of having a tutor be placed on retainer. She actually had to do the same for Auntie Luna, considering how different modern Equish is from its classical format."

"You know, your 'aunt' kind of scares me sometimes," I admit casually, wondering what else the princess of the sun had anticipated. "Though I guess you can't run a nation for a thousand years and not develop a spooky level of forward thinking to keep you ahead of any would be threats to your rule."

"Well, anyway, we can have breakfast brought in while we start your lessons," Cadance offers, to which I tilt my head slightly in brief confusion. Breakfast? Damn, how long has it been since I last even thought about food? What do ponies even eat, anyway? "Is something wrong?"

"No, I just...it's kind of embarrassing actually." I sigh softly, dragging a hoof through my mane as I glance between Cadance and the tabletop several times as I try to word it in a way that doesn't make me sound like an idiot. "I haven't eaten anything but gruel in over a thousand years." She stares at me, making me feel even more awkward as a result. "I-it's not my fault, I-"

"Come with me!" She exclaims, snagging me by one leg and dragging me towards the door.

"Gah, hey, watch it!" I protest, shocked by her reaction. Where the hell is she even taking me anyway?

0o0o0o0o0o0

We eventually arrive in the palace kitchens, Cadance leaving me by the door to go speak with a pony who, I assume, must be the head chef. Jesus, did she have to drag me the whole way here? It feels like she nearly pulled my leg out of its socket. I watch them as they exchange words, unable to make it out over the hustle and bustle of the kitchen staff at work, only to shift uncomfortably as the head chef stares at me, stunned by something Cadance had just told her. Why is she looking at me like that? Okay, now they're coming over to me, leaving me feeling even more awkward when the chef bows to me.

"Your highness," she says formally, rising from the bow before continuing to speak. "Is what Princess Cadenza tells me true? Have you really not eaten anything save that slop they dare call food that is gruel?"

"Yes?" I reply uncertainly, something about this whole thing making me feel very nervous. My reply brings a pained look to the chef's face, Cadance standing next to her looking unusually solemn for some reason I can't even begin to guess.

"Oh, how cruel fate can be," the chef moans piteously, bringing one foreleg over her eyes in a decidedly overly dramatic fashion. "To think a member of royalty has never sampled the fare we have to offer. It simply makes my heart ache to even think about it!" She lowers her leg and I have to resist the urge to step back as I see fire in her eyes. "Such an injustice cannot stand! We shall prepare you a feast such as you have never before had the pleasure of sampling, my prince! My honor as a chef demands no less."

"Oh, no, please, you don't have to-" My reply is brought to a halt when the chef's hoof touches my lips, leaving me to blink down at it stupidly.

"No, please, you must allow me to correct this grave slight against the culinary arts!" She pleads, my gaze flicking to Cadance, who is now nodding in agreement. "My pride cannot suffer such a thing to remain true, Prince Artemis. Allow me, us, to serve you as royalty deserves!" I open my mouth, now hoof free, close it and try again, the pleading look the chef is giving me melting my resolve. Oh, what the hell could it hurt to let her throw me a banquet? Come to think of it, the smells in here are making me rather hungry.

"Well, alright, if that's what you-" I don't even get to finish, the chef raising a pot and ladle she retrieved from thin air and gives them three hearty, ringing strikes.

"Attention!" She calls, the whole kitchen going silent as everyone present turns their attention to the head chef. "I have just been informed that our newly returned prince has yet to sample what we have to offer." They collectively gasp, drawing a sigh from my lips as they all look horrified. Dear Christ, what the fuck is wrong with these ponies? "We must work our hardest so that he might come to know the sumptuous pleasure true, hard working ponies such ourselves can offer him." Wow, that sounded vaguely dirty. And now they're all saluting. Christ on a bicycle, what have I gotten myself into now? "Now, to work my fellow artists, for we have much to do and little time in which to do it!"

"What the hell have you gotten me into?" I ask Cadance as they get to work, the princess simply offering me a mysterious smile. "Stop that. One Celestia is bad enough as it is."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"Okay, when she said feast, I didn't expect this," I say to Cadance quietly, sitting at a long table, a dozen waiters and waitresses standing on call to answer my every whim and desire, platters of foods that both puzzled me and made my mouth water at the same time laid out before me.

"And this is just the first course," Cadance informs me impishly, causing me to blanch.

"Are you serious?" I hiss, not wanting to upset the staff. "There's no way I can eat even a fraction of all this!" A thousand years without food and then subsiding on water and gruel for a few weeks must have left my stomach the size of a walnut. "Isn't it just going to go to waste?"

"Now now, don't fuss," she chastises me, still smiling that infuriating smile she obviously learned from her "aunt". "You aren't expected to clean the platters, you know. Just sample whatever catches your fancy and we'll go from there."

"I don't even know what half of this is," I say, eyes scanning what's on the menu curiously. "Are those flowers?" Must be garnishing.

"Ooo, daffodil," Cadance says, gazing at the flowers appreciatively. "They make for a great sandwich."

"Are you serious right now?" I ask, giving her the flattest stare I can manage. Ponies, Jesus, of course they would eat fucking flowers.

"Why wouldn't I be serious?" She asks, clearly puzzled by my reaction to her words. "Do humans not eat flowers?"

"No, they don't," I reply, though honestly we...they can eat a few kinds of them, not that I can recall what they are at the moment. "What's the brown stuff?" I ask, the long strands of crispy looking, golden brown substance catching my eye.

"Fried hay," Cadance informs me and I have to resist the urge to smack my head off of the edge of the table. What's next? Grass? "Seriously, why are you so surprised? What do humans even eat?" My mouth opens, only to click shut as I realize something. Ponies are herbivores. Shit, how do I explain it to her without freaking her out?

"Uh...not hay," I tell her to stall for time, uncertain as to how I should word it. "Well, do you know what an omnivore is?" I ask tentatively, trying my best for the diplomatic approach.

"Of course," she replies immediately, then seems to catch on to my train of though. "Wait, so humans are like gryphons?" Oh thank fucking God!

"Yes, exactly," I reply, relief allowing me to relax a bit. "Though, well, I'm obviously not a human anymore so...I guess I'll start with the fried hay?" Can't hurt to try it, right?

0o0o0o0o0o0

"Oh, fucking God, please kill me now," I groan a couple of hours later as the table is cleared, my stomach comically distended. It had all been so good, I hadn't been able to stop myself! "I think I'm gonna explode."

"Well, you're the one that decided to have a helping of everything," Cadance reminds me unhelpfully. "But, since you're obviously not going anywhere any time soon, we can get started on that tutoring I mentioned earlier." Her clipboard is back. "First on the docket: teaching you how to read. Thankfully it shouldn't be too hard, given the grasp you seem to have on our language." I groan pitifully. "Oh, quit complaining. As my coltfriend would say: sack up already. We've got a long day ahead of us."

"I hate you so much right now," I grumble, shooting her the best glare I can muster under the circumstances. She remains completely unphased by my ire. Gotta work on my glare, I guess.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure," she replies dismissively, heading for the door. "I'll be back with the tutor and we can get started." She looks back at me with mischief in her eyes. "Don't go anywhere now~" And she's gone.

"Cheeky bitch," I huff, trying to position myself so I'm more comfortable. Christ, I look like I'm about to give birth. "Well, at least things can't get any worse." Famous last words.

0o0o0o0o0o0

The Badlands; a stretch of sand and rock so barren no pony has ever dared attempt to settle there. So desolate that nothing grows within it, not even the hardiest of desert plants. Only the most foolish, or desperate, would ever attempt to make a home here and, as far as anypony knows, no one has ever tried. Because of this fact, Celestia had reasoned it would make the perfect battleground for her confrontation with the strange entity inhabiting the body of her sister. Their titanic struggle reshaped the already inhospitable landscape into a hellish, blasted crater, the sand turned to glass and the rocks to rubble and half melted lumps of slag. If it was next to impossible for life to be sustained there before then there was no chance at all for even a microbe to survive there now.

Yet, deep at the heart of this twisted, broken hellscape sits a shattered spire, formed of a black rock that had weathered the assault of the two superpowers little better than the lands around it. It had taken a direct hit from the blast Artemis had redirected, the beam of solar fury having sliced it in half, the rubble of the aftermath laying in a crumbling heap around its base. As the day draws to a close and the sun begins to set, a low rumble begins to emanate from the "roots" of the spire, accompanied by a trilling sound that is almost insect-like in origin. The rubble shifts, the trilling grows louder, and a thousand pairs of luminescent eyes appear in the shadows. Every decision has consequences and, soon, Equestria will reap what Celestia has sown. Will they weather the storm? Will Artemis break free of the darkness that still grips his soul? And will Luna learn to forgive herself for all that she has done? You'll have to read Finding Artemis, the continuation of our intrepid alicorn's journey to make the most of his "second chance", in order to find out.

Author's Note

Originally I stated that majority would rule in the case of what path I was going to take with the story but, after some consideration and reading your comments, I've decided to finish this story with this epilogue and start up a new one. I hope you enjoyed the first installment in the journey of Artemis and will continue to enjoy my future works. Thank you all so much and I wish each and every one of you the best