Chapters Chapter 1: Two Invaders
Margherita Maria, better known as "Margaret," was an immigrant invader to the Carolinas. Whether practicing for first chair flute, whether working on her game for junior varsity tennis, whether studying for College Board examinations, or whether trolling Mexican migrants by speaking Italian, every day of the school year kept the girl too busy to loaf. How she missed her days of primary school, when she could read Correia's novels and join her friends on urban adventures! She also missed bonding with her godfather; no longer could she shoot his fancy Sig Sauers.
During Christmas, the girl had found reprieve in a charming show of friendship starring pastel-colored ponies; she had watched her little ponies and their exploits with a childlike enthusiasm rarely felt elsewhere. In the midst of the grind of academia, however, she could only muse of episodes past. These muses that plagued Margaret's mind were of course of the show known as Friendship Is Magic .
One evening, these muses led to dreams.
FIRST DREAM
It was March of 2016. Margaret found herself in Canterlot Castle for the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. In the chapel, hundreds of patriots who hailed from places far and wide had gathered for the same. Whether Earth pony, Pegasus, or unicorn, all were Equestrians, and all loved Cadenza.
Margaret heard the blaring of horns as the court's royal trumpeters welcomed the bride. She witnessed of the entrance of the bridesmaids, which was followed by the hopping of the flower fillies. Then, she saw Cadenza herself—or rather, the changeling who possessed her form.
The changeling was blithe as she entered, clad in her gown and her wedding mantilla. Smugly, she sang aloud her victory. "Finally , the moment has arrived ...for me to be one lucky bride !" She then made her way to Shining Armor as a choir of songbirds chirped the wedding march. It was jarring, since the melodies clashed, but the changeling was quite the gifted singer.
Though the captain stood proudly in his uniform, his eyes were sage, and his face had gone wall-eyed. Once his bride had joined him at the apse, the bride paced about, declaring: "Mine, all mine!" She even followed with a maniac's giggle, although none among the ponies showed concern. They thought that their princess was celebrating, so they smiled and they shed tears of joy.
Up next was the actual rite, and with Celestia, the rite would be quick; the mare had a weakness for sweets, and she had long set her sights on the wedding cake. "Mares and gentlecolts," Celestia began, "we are gathered here today to witness the union of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor. My dearest niece and my most faithful captain, you have come together in this place so that the goddess may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of myself and this community. Faust abundantly blesses this love. Now, she enriches and strengthens you so that you may assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity. In the presence of the city of Canterlot, I ask you to state your intentions.
"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"
"We have."
"Will you love and honor each other as mare and colt for the rest of your lives?"
"We will."
"Will you accept fillies lovingly from Faust and teach them the magic of friendship?"
"We will."
"Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hooves, and declare your consent before Faust and her ponies."
The first one to speak was the captain. Shining Armor may have looked worse for wear, but when speaking, his voice was rather healthy. "I, Shining Armor, take you, Mi Amore Cadenza, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, until death do us part."
Afterwards, the bride took the captain. Her commitment, of course, was a lie, and she spoke with an arrogant smile. "I, Mi Amore Cadenza, take you, Shining Armor, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, until death do us part!"
Princess Celestia continued. "You have declared your consent before Canterlot. May the goddess in her goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with her blessings."
"What Faust has joined, ponies must not divide. May the goddess bless these rings that you give to each other as the sign of your love and fidelity."
Spike the Dragon brought forth the rings. Shining Armor placed his ring on the horn of his bride, and he instructed her to take it as a sign of his love—in the name of the great goddess Faust and her fellow co-creators, the gods Renzetti and McCarthy. Then, while presenting a ring of her own, the bride did the same to the captain. So it was that the couple was married.
"Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, it is my great pleasure to pronounce you mare and colt!"
The couple locked lips to applause and the stomping of hooves, but Margaret stared in shock. The changeling had married Shining Armor; something screamed in Margaret's mind to flee the chapel. Don't just stand there , Stupid . Find the princess . You have to find Princess Cadenza ! Yet, Margaret was caught in indecision. Even if she left, where would she look? She should wait for the reception, at least.
Meanwhile, the bride started laughing. Her laughter grew louder and louder, reaching its peak when at last, she broke the kiss.
"What's gotten into her?" someone asked. "Shining Armor isn't that great of a trophy, is he?"
A column of energy arose, engulfing the bride before every pony's eyes. Everybody present gasped in unison, save for Margaret, who knew what was coming. Off popped the pretty pink wings of the bride, and out grew the wings of an insect. The rest of her yielded black chitin, a horn made crooked, and many, many holes. The tiara that sat on her head also blackened and turned into a miniature crown.
"What fools !" the changeling accused. "Every one of you here is a fool! I am Chrysalis, queen of the changelings, and I have come to find food for my subjects! It's a pity that we don't eat stupidity; Equestria has more than any place I've ever encountered! Ah, well...your love will suffice. My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!"
"Fat chance!" shouted one of Margaret's row mates. "Our city has a force field, remember? Your changeling army will starve!" He found himself approached by the changeling, and he instantly regretted speaking out.
Chrysalis gave a modest giggle. "Oh, you sweet little simpleton. Every moment, Shining Armor grows weaker—and so does his spell! Even now, my minions are chipping away at it." She looked at the ceiling and laughed. "Shining Armor is not only my husband; he is under my total control now—and, I'm sorry to say, unable to perform his duties as captain of the Royal Guard ! Isn't that right, Dear?"
Zombielike, Shining Armor nodded. "Mmm-hmm," was his only reply.
"Soon, my changeling army will break through. First, we take Canterlot, and then..." Chrysalis became so ecstatic that she jumped and she hovered. "...all of Equestria!"
"No..." responded Celestia. "...you won't. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I can protect my subjects..." The princess and the queen rushed each other, and they fenced with their horns. "...from you!"
Margaret leapt from her spot by the aisle and sprinted for the exit while the queen was distracted. She did her best in a full-length formal dress, leaning forward and making ninety-degree angles, and she even almost made it outside. But then, she heard the shrieks of the others, and she was teleported back to the apse. There she hung, upside-down and back in shock as blood came gushing from Celestia's neck.
The princess's head was no more.
"This corpse that was once the great princess is the fruit of the power of Shining Armor's love; it seems even stronger than I thought." Chrysalis giggled once again. "Run from me again, and you will join her." She then released Margaret from suspension, and Margaret landed on the steps with a thud. "So, tell me, Dear. What exactly are you? Some sort of mutant ape without hair?"
Margaret picked herself up from the steps, taking care to show the changeling no fear. "My name is Margherita Maria. I'm a human, and I'm more than just a mutant; I was fashioned in the image and likeness of God."
"Of Faust?" the changeling assumed. "Weren't we all , Dear. Weren't we all . Then again, you do resemble her more than any pony ..." It was then that the queen's smile faded. Her face grew intense with resentment, and at one point, she even bared her teeth. "...which is why I ought to kill you where you stand!"
And at that, Margaret's confidence melted.
"You remind me too much of Lady Faust. She abandoned us, you see; she abandoned all of us, yet these ponies still dare to praise her name!"
"You're a liar!" Rainbow Dash screamed. Her face was still in tears over the princess. "Faust loves us! She would never outright abandon us!"
"Faust will come again," asserted Applejack. "And there'll be justice for the princess."
"You ponies are naïve!" snapped Chrysalis. "And you ! Your love is probably just as worthless as hers!" The queen zapped Margaret with laser, and with intense, searing pain, the girl awoke.
Chapter 2: La Manurhin
Having overcome the shock of being shot to death, Margaret dealt with a sudden sense of grief. She had gotten to visit Equestria, but she had only been in time to watch it fall. Was there nothing else that Margaret could have done? Could she not have run a little bit faster, or could she not have said something more clever? The most morose thought that occurred was that Margaret would never see her ponies again. Indeed, the girl was all but certain that her wandering subconscious would take her someplace else: someplace far, far away from Equestria.
If only she had stayed in that place...
SECOND DREAM
Margaret found herself gazing at the universe, seeing stars and elliptical galaxies. All that was around her was space; indeed, she seemed to stand upon vacuum.
"Breathtaking, isn't it?"
Margaret faced the milky way to see an alicorn. "Princess Luna!" Margaret exclaimed.
"And you are Margherita Maria."
Margaret curtsied and issued a compliment. "Your Majesty, your presence is an honor."
"Ah, but the pleasure is mine! It is rare than I may visit human dreams."
Margaret widened her eyes with realization, at which the princess could not help but chuckle. "Think about it," Luna suggested. "How else could you stand among the stars?"
"With magic?" Margaret supposed.
"Perhaps, Margherita, perhaps...but I have only gone to the Moon. What I would give to take a walk beyond the Sun and see a place such as this without parting from consciousness."
"As would I," sympathized Margaret.
"Our personal ambitions aside, I was with you in your first dream, as well. How brave you were to stand up to Chrysalis, but bravery alone was your demise."
"Well, I have to die sooner or later."
"Then, die later. Fight your foes with all your might, and you will live to fight another day."
Margaret blinked at the princess's advice, wondering where bronies got their "love and tolerate" mantra. "Well Princess, I'm not exactly magical...but you said that I was dreaming, correct?"
"You are dreaming indeed, Margherita. This dream is yours to manipulate."
"So, I can return to the wedding?"
"You may do as you please, Margherita."
"In that case, I have a secret weapon." Margaret brandished a wood and steel revolver: the Manurhin MR-73. "It's a weapon that we humans call a magnum."
"A magnum, you say?"
"That's right! We call it that because of its power. Allow me a quick demonstration." Just a few feet in front of her and Luna, Margaret summoned a sizeable watermelon. She stood in the modern isosceles, and gently, she squeezed the weapon's double-action trigger. She stopped herself before she actually fired, however. "Oh! But not without ear plugs!" So, Margaret summoned hearing protection, both for herself and for the princess. Only after did she discharge her weapon; the watermelon never stood a chance.
"Oh, my..." Margaret remarked, as some of the juice had showered Luna.
At first, Luna was shocked, but she smiled, and she let loose a chuckle. "What a marvelous weapon, Margherita! You ought to give it to the unicorn guards!"
Margaret smiled and nodded with delight.
"May you find success in stopping Queen Chrysalis!"
Margaret curtsied once more for the princess, then she brought her weapon low and concentrated. She imagined her spot at the wedding, and by the power of lucid dreaming, she returned.
***
"Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor." These were the words that greeted Margaret upon her return to Canterlot Castle. She exited her spot by the aisle and stood in plain view of all in attendance; the bride herself stared with suspicion. Suspicion alone, however, could not have saved the bride from a hollow-point bullet, for almost as soon as she stared, her skull and its innards exploded into chunks. Her blood showered all in proximity: the princess, the bridesmaids, the captain, the captain's mates, and lastly, Spike the Dragon. This, combined with the noise, sent the chapel into screams and tumultuous panic.
Thus, Margaret had to fire at the ceiling; she fired twice before quelling the guests. "Examine the body. It's a changeling's!"
Traumatized from what had just occurred, everyone but Shining Armor silently obeyed. Lying to Celestia’s right was the body of a slender pink alicorn: Cadenza's body. Even so, Margaret was confident, for she thought that the body would revert.
A minute passed without any such reversion. Celestia sank to the ground beside the body of the slender pink alicorn and wept. The princess shook her head in disbelief; the only human in all of Equestria had shot her niece dead in the middle of her wedding. How surreal, given the human's casual attitude!
Nervously, Margaret looked around. All around her, ponies quivered and trembled. She then reexamined her mess; Celestia continued to weep, and the bridesmaids stared at her, utterly confounded. Shining Armor, however, was angry. He avenged the dead queen with a laser that went straight through Margaret's heart, so again, the girl awoke.
Chapter 3: Taser, Taser, Taser!
Having overcome the shock of being shot again, Margaret looked upon her actions with ambivalence. One the one hand, Margaret had succeeded; she had stopped the evil queen and her invasion. On the other hand, however, she had a criminal record, and Shining Armor's heart had stayed corrupted. Even worse, she failed to tell Celestia the whereabouts of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
Margaret's sense of grief returned with a vengeance. If only, she thought, if only the sweet release of dreams would allow her to return...
THIRD DREAM
Margaret once again found herself in space. As before, she stood upon vacuum, and before the Milky Way was Princess Luna. "Your Majesty!" Margaret exclaimed. "Welcome back!" She scrambled to curtsy.
"Consider me welcomed, Margherita. I reciprocate that welcome to you; I had lost you, but you have returned victorious! May I ask how it feels to be a heroine?"
"Honestly, I could be feeling better. I'd never seen your sister cry before."
"Worry not, for she will get over it." The princess seemed awfully cheerful. "Perhaps I should have warned you, Margherita; a changeling only changes when he wills it. How was Chrysalis to will without a brain?"
With perfect hindsight, Margret smacked her forehead. "She couldn't have! I acted stupidly!"
"Even so, you still rescued Canterlot. Why not celebrate with me at the Day Spa?"
"No way! I mean, maybe later. Equestria deserves much better from me!"
"Are my accolades alone not enough?"
"Well, I would love to be regarded as a heroine, but I also want to bring your sister closure. I must return to save Twilight and Cadenza."
Luna paused, then smiled with sympathy. "Very well, if that is what you wish. I shall await your return with bated breath."
And with renewed sense of purpose, Margaret curtsied.
***
Upon returning to her spot at the wedding, Margaret brought a different magnum made by Remington: the Model 870 Express. At its core, her plan was very simple: call for surrender, then subdue Shining Armor.
"Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor..."
Once again, Margaret entered the center aisle, but she made a scene with words instead of bullets. "Chrysalis!" she called to the bride. "These ponies may be foolish, but I am not. Reveal your true form, o sinful creature!" She recalled a time when she was very young: a trip to a museum where she "touched" with her eyes. She felt the eyes of every pony present, nudging her to shut her face and let the wedding continue.
"What?" The bride appeared shocked. "Wh-who are you talking to? Me ?"
"Now is your only chance to surrender. Bring back Twilight and the princess, you fiend!"
The bride turned to Princess Celestia, who appeared as confounded as anyone. "Why does Margaret think that I'm a changeling?"
Celestia became very serious. "Human, you have a lot of nerve. On what evidence do you accuse my niece?"
"I accuse her on the grounds of what she did to Shining Armor! Look at his eyes. That's not healing magic!"
The wedding guests erupted into chatter. "She's right!" one of them admitted. "He's totally under some sort of mind control!"
Meanwhile, while facing the captain, the bride craned her neck as a signal to attack. The captain nodded, then teleported to Margaret. "Don't think that I'll go easy on you just because you're a foreigner. I look the way I do because my duties are draining me: literally draining me. Cadance has nothing to do with it; she's not a changeling, and her spells are keeping me sane." Shining Armor then summoned a javelin, and he pointed the tip at Margaret's throat. "I will not have you ruin her perfect wedding day. You better apologize, or make yourself scarce."
Margaret brought her shotgun to bare and fired point-blank into Shining Armor's chest. The captain dropped his javelin and toppled as fifty thousand volts surged throughout his body at once—the work of an XREP projectile.
"Oh, my!" the guests cried aloud.
"They're in the caves!" Margaret yelled to Celestia. "They're in caves beneath—" A stocking teleported into Margaret's mouth. The culprit was obviously Chrysalis, who had begun to glare at Margaret as a competitor. So, Margaret tore the stocking from her mouth, racked her weapon's pump, and took aim at the bride. She squeezed the trigger just as Chrysalis teleported, so she adjusted her aim and fired her weapon again. The second round missed the queen as well, and it accidentally ended up hitting Princess Celestia.
"Ah!" Celestia cried, dropping to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Everyone gasped, including Margaret.
"Sorry!" Margaret apologized, desperately hoping not to anger the bridesmaids. Suddenly, she felt a deep pain; she felt a piercing pain that hurt like nothing before it. Looking down, she discovered the source: Shining Armor's javelin protruding from her chest. Rather than collapsing on the spot, she stared at her blood as it dripped from her innards.
The captain, it seemed, had recovered, and to everyone's horror, he took to butchering Margaret. The captain yanked the javelin from her entry wound and sliced the sharpened tip down her abdomen with haste.
Margaret fell to her knees and dropped her shotgun. She felt herself collapse after seeing black, and once again, she awakened from her slumber.
Chapter 4: The Old Regime (Is Falling)
Safe in her bedroom with all of her body parts, Margaret exhaled with relief; her failure had hardly been fatal. Even so, the girl had thrice failed, so she longed to return with thrice the intensity. Still unsure of where her mind was to take her, however, she surrendered her sleep to God Almighty. "Good evening, My Lord. It is I, your servant Margaret. Thank you for helping me earn my daily bread, but please, Lord, allow me to return to Equestria..."
To Margaret's horror, God's answer was affirmative.
FOURTH DREAM
"Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor..."
Margaret was back at the wedding, Manurhin revolver and ear plugs in hand. Celestia's words began to fade, and mentally, she heard this advice Princess Luna: "Good things come to those who wait, Margherita." That was it! She needed to wait, and Chrysalis would show herself without interrogation.
Then again, Margaret was lucid dreaming, so as if she were watching a video, Margaret set events to play in fast motion.
"Faustabundantlyblessesthislove. Now, sheenrichesandstrengthensyousothatyoumayassumethedutiesofmarriageinmutualandlastingfidelity. InthepresenceofthecityofCanterlot, Iaskyoutostateyourintentions."
Margaret giggled at the high-pitched voices and the speed with which the characters moved about the apse. She especially giggled at the high-pitched laugh of the queen as she kissed Shining Armor.
"Whatfools! Everyoneofyouhereisafool! IamChrysalis, queenofthechangelings, andIhavecometofindfoodformysubjects!"
Alas, it all had to come to an end, so Margaret returned all events to normal speed.
"Oh, you sweet little simpleton. Every moment, Shining Armor grows weaker—and so does his spell! Even now, my minions are chipping away at it."
Margaret inserted her ear plugs. She entered the chapel's center aisle as Chrysalis looked at the ceiling and laughed. Margaret had the queen in her sights—specifically, the queen's giant head—and she also began to squeeze the trigger.
Suddenly, Antony Cannon happened. "I DON'T LIKE THIS EPISODE!" he shouted. His jump scare caused Margaret to leap, and she fumbled her weapon and dropped it. Cannon scared Chrysalis, too, who also leapt up with the fright of her life. "Oh, dear..." Cannon said to Margaret. "Did I scare you? I'm terribly sorry about that. But I mean it; this episode is bad . Why not live out your fantasies in Season 1?"
"Well..." Margaret began, "...perhaps you have a point, Mr. Cannon. The changelings were awfully overt, and Twilight seemed to act a bit stupidly."
Cannon grinned. "Finally, someone gets it!"
"I'll tell you what," Margaret continued. She took a moment to gather her thoughts. "...If you let me shoot the queen in the face...then we'll celebrate at Donut Joe's with Season 1 Twilight Sparkle."
Antony Cannon did a double take. "You...You're going to shoot Chrysalis...in the face?" Margaret nodded, so Cannon continued. "...and we're going to meet Season 1 Twilight Sparkle?" Margaret nodded again, so Cannon squeed like a schoolgirl. "You don't need my permission, Margaret! Shoot that terribly written character straight to Hell."
"What? Shoot me?" queried the queen. "Are you primates also magicians?"
Margaret retrieved her revolver, barely hearing the queen through her ear plugs. "Uh...At the squeeze of this trigger, your head will disappear. Does that count?" Margaret asked the queen. Once again, the girl raised her weapon, and once again, she began to squeeze the trigger.
Then, a different reviewer popped up: a pretentious young man named Tommy Oliver. "Shining—" was all that he could say before the double-action trigger broke and Margaret's weapon fired. The hollow point bullet sailed straight into his forehead and effectively blew it to pieces.
Margaret's eyes went the size of dinner plates. It was her first time shooting a human being, even in the randomness of dreams.
"Tooooommmmmmmyyyyyy!" Antony shouted. In slow motion, he reached out and ran to his fallen compatriot as the rest of him collapsed. Upon reaching him, his eyes began to tear. "No, no, no, oh, God no! Oliver, please! Tell me you're alive."
But Oliver's corpse did not respond.
"Noooooooo! Why, God, why?"
Margaret took a look at her surroundings. No longer was Margaret in Canterlot, but rather, at the Wilmington convention center. The pastel-colored ponies that surrounded her had turned into neckbeards and little girls with mothers. It appeared that she was at a brony convention.
"You !" Mr. Cannon snapped. "You did this, you...murderer !"
The little girls cowered behind their mothers, who in turn proactively sheltered them. The neckbeards, however, partook of Cannon's anger. "Why'd you have to do that, you heartless bitch?"
"What did Tommy ever do to you, huh?"
"Fuck love and tolerate. Honorable rules for honorable men!"
The neckbeards began to shout at once, advancing as a mob without a break in their ranks. Among the things that Margaret heard them shout, this was the line that stuck with her the most: "You Christians are the worst!" Hyperventilating and hugging her weapon closely, Margaret looked down to see a change in her wardrobe. She wore a T-shirt from Fayetteville Homeworks, a Catholic mission that repaired damaged homes.
"All you ass backwards Catholics can all kill yourselves!"
As the neckbeards enclosed, Margaret noticed someone: someone fat, but oddly in shape. It was former commando Eddie Stone, wearing a brightly colored pony-themed T-shirt. "You must be able to draw your weapon quickly—get it up into the aim—but you must pause before firing off that shot." Stone's voice seemed to drown out the shouting. "If you don't, you're liable to start shooting innocent bystanders..." Then, in two swift motions, Stone relieved Margaret of her weapon. "...which is unacceptable." He finally pistol-whipped Margaret, waking her up once again from her nightmare.
Chapter 5: Impotence
Poor Margherita had failed once again, and she shot a retired brony critic. She ran to her trash can and hurled; she had more or less fantasized of murder. She prayed the Seven Penitential Psalms and made plans for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. A night of sweet dreams this was not, and to her detriment, its bitterness persisted.
FIFTH DREAM
Margaret returned to outer space, and as before, she met the princess of the night.
"Kindly pardon my absence, Margherita, for I had business to attend with my sister. Did I miss your second triumph over Chrysalis?"
"I'm afraid that you didn't, Your Majesty. Instead, I shot an innocent bystander."
"Oh, my! Whom did you shoot?"
"You probably wouldn't have known him. He was human—an Internet critic."
At first, the princess only stared. She was then overcome with many giggles, which eventually became callous laughter. "You should have told me sooner, Margherita! Our worlds could do with fewer critics!" Her words had taken Margaret aback.
"But, Your Majesty! I shot someone dead ! You can't just kill people for pretension!"
"You cannot, but I am a princess. I can execute whomever I desire. Then again, I prefer humiliation: letting ponies live the rest of their days in shame. I lock critics into wooden stockades, and then, I order ponies to toss rotten fruit!"
"And you order that just because they're critics?"
"I might as well, because they act so predictably. Every word that leaves their mouths is pretension; they call natural exposition 'heavy-handed,' they always yell about nonexistent plot holes, and in the end, their complaints are just asinine: especially over character development."
"And that justifies stockades and rotten fruit?"
"Indeed! Critics ruin everything!" Luna stamped her hoof to make a point. "But critics are a subject for another evening. Do you not have a changeling to shoot?"
"I do," Margaret acknowledged. "But I'm afraid of what I'll find when I return."
"Whatever happened to you last was a fluke. Have some faith in yourself, Margherita."
Before Margaret could say another word, the world around her flashed, and she was back at the wedding.
***
"Oh, you sweet little simpleton. Every moment, Shining Armor grows weaker—and so does his spell! Even now, my minions are chipping away at it."
The time was at hand for Margaret's redemption. She slipped into the chapel's center aisle as Chrysalis looked at the ceiling and laughed. Margaret drew her Manurhin revolver and wasted no time in lining up her shot. Again, she took the modern isosceles, and she squeezed the weapon's double action trigger.
*click*
The hammer fell, but there was no discharge. Suddenly, the queen had ceased to laugh.
*click*
Margaret squeezed the trigger once more, but once again, nothing happened once the hammer fell.
Chrysalis was less than amused. "What on Earth do you think that you're up to?"
Before she panicked, Margaret disengaged the cylinder; her weapon, it seemed, was unloaded. Well aware that she was dreaming, however, she reengaged the cylinder and willed for more bullets.
*click*
"Is that supposed to make me feel threatened?"
Margaret once again disengaged the cylinder, seeing spaces where there should have been cases. Lacking pockets in her dress or a chest rig, it was futile to search for ammunition. So, with a nervous giggle, she reengaged the cylinder. "Pew, pew..." she muttered as she pretended to shoot. "Oh, who am I kidding? Princess Celestia, help me, please!"
"What? Oh, of course!" Celestia advanced down the apse, opening her mouth to give the queen a stern talking to, but before she could say another word, Chrysalis shot her in the face with a laser. Her head then exploded into smithereens, and as her body toppled, everyone shrieked.
Margaret gasped, and Chrysalis refaced her. She giggled at the mess that she had made. "No pony can save you now, Primate! Have you any last words before the invasion?"
Margaret may have failed to rescue the princess, but she would sooner have damned herself than have passively waited for death. So, she intensified her face with defiance and threw the Manurhin at the queen's giant head.
"Ouch!" cried the queen as the weapon hit her face. "You little...!" She shot a laser through Margaret's aorta, and as before, Margaret died and awoke.
Chapter 6: No One Fights Alone
"Have some faith in yourself, Margherita." The more that she reflected on these words, the more that Margaret doubted in herself as a heroine. Could it be that she was bad at lucid dreaming, or could it be that she was simply incompetent? How hard was it to shoot a horse-sized cockroach?
I did it before ; I can do it again . The real question is : 'Can I do it correctly ?'
SIXTH DREAM
When Margaret returned to Princess Luna, she saw the princess with a large bowl of popcorn. "Margherita...Hello to you again!" The princess spoke through a mouth full of corn. "Would you care for a bite of air-popped goodness?"
"No, thank you." Margaret declined. "Let me see if I can summon my own." She held out her hands and imagined a bowl, but ten seconds passed to no avail. "Maybe I am bad at dreaming," she admitted with renewed sense of grief.
"Do not fret," Luna insisted. She swallowed her corn with a gulp. "For as it happens, I have access to your memories; I can aid you with anything you ask for."
Margaret paused. "Come again?"
"You know that I can see your subconscious, but did you know that I can see your memories, too?"
Margaret stared, unsure of how to feel. "...That isn't unsettling or anything, especially if you see my darkest secrets."
The princess looked away with a grin. "That is a very real possibility...but nopony shall know them but us." The princess gave Margaret a wink.
"O.k." Margaret acquiesced. She took a brief moment to think. "May I have another Manurhin revolver?"
"If you know it, then I can also grant it. Here you are!" the princess replied, and she materialized the MR-73. The revolver was just as Margaret remembered it: same dimensions, caliber, and weight as the one in the safe that lay beside her mother's bed. In addition, the cylinder was loaded.
"This is it! Thank you very much...I don't suppose that you could summon people, too?"
"Do you plan on bringing friends, Margherita?"
"Well, friendship is magic, is it not?" Margaret smiled, and Luna did, too.
"It is indeed. Whom do you require?"
"How about my best friend, Janice?"
"You mean Janice, the daughter of Captain Vance?"
"That's exactly who I mean: Janice Compton! She's strong, she's a better shot than I am, and she knows how to shoot a machine gun; let's give her an M240B.
"While we're at it, let's also bring my guy friends: Jackson, Wolfwood, Tyrell, Sean, and Lancer. Sean hunts with a Browning X-Bolt Hunter, so let's give him that in a .30-06. Jackson was raised in the Falklands, so give him an old British FAL. Wolfwood shoots a Schofield cavalry model for the Single-Action Shooting Society, and Lancer loves to shoot his father's AR-15A4. Finally, Tyrell's brother used to be in a gang, so let's give Tyrell a machine gun, too: say, an old-fashioned Uzi 9mm."
"Quite the fire team," Luna remarked. "Is there another companion you would like?"
"Well, yes, now that you mention it. I almost forgot about Martis!" Margaret smacked her forehead again. "How could I forget my brother, Martis? Please send him to the wedding as well, and please send him with another Manurhin."
"Very well," the princess agreed. "When you arrive, your friends will be waiting. Are you ready to return, Margherita?"
'"I am! Wish us luck, Your Majesty!"
And again, Margaret's world became a flash.
***
"What fools!" Chrysalis accused. "Every one of you here is a fool! I am Chrysalis, queen of the changelings, and I have come to find—" The queen reeled her head with bewilderment. "What? Where did you come from?"
"North Carolina," said Margaret. She had spawned in the chapel's center aisle, and she pulled back the hammer of her Manurhin. "Guess where we're about to send you , you evil parasite on ponies' emotions."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Whoa!...Whoa!"
Margaret turned around to see her friends, all of whom were present and properly equipped.
"Whoa!...Margaret, where the Hell are we?" The interrupter was big and burly Sean.
"And why are we holding guns?" Jackson asked.
"For once, I'm on the same page as Sean," said Janice. "Where are we, why is it cheaply animated, and why I am carrying a thirty-pound machine gun?"
"Ha! At least you infidels can see !" complained Armand, shielding his face. "Sean, if you have them, could you spare your aviators?"
"Oh, sure. Here you go, Armand."
As Armand protected his photophobic eyes, Martis sniffled, coughed, and collapsed. His coughs were dry, his nose was runny, and he shivered on the floor from his chills.
"Oh, crap!" Lancer remarked. He set down his rifle and tended to Martis as the others took notice and gathered.
"What's wrong with him?" asked Sean.
"He has influenza!" said Lancer. "Margaret, what the heck were you thinking? Bringing Martis to Equestria like this..."
"Equestria?" repeated Tyrell. "Where's that?"
Lancer had a sudden epiphany. "...It's a kingdom in My Little Pony." Lancer stood up and gazed about. From the curious eyes of the wedding's many ponies to the towering columns of the chapel, his surroundings overloaded him with wonder. "We're...we're in an episode of My Little Pony!"
"What? That's impossible," Janice remarked.
Tyrell became skeptical, as well. "How'd we all get inside a cartoon?"
"Ahem..." interrupted the queen, bringing everyone's attention to herself. "Were you primates about to send me somewhere?"
"Yes, we were: straight down to Tartarus!" Margaret spun around to brief her friends. "Do all of you see that giant bug? She's evil, and she steals ponies' souls. For the welfare of all ponykind, our mission and our duty is to put her in the ground!"
"Yeah, let's do it!" Lancer agreed.
"Uh, sure...But first, I need to trade. Out of all the time I've spent in America, the only gun I've really shot is a hunting rifle," said Jackson.
"You know, I would like to trade, too. I can barely aim this thing," said Janice.
"I, as well," Armand requested. "I've never shot an H&K."
Tyrell examined his weapon like an amateur. "Um...I've never even held a gun."
"Oh, no..." Margaret thought aloud. "Tyrell, wasn't your brother in a gang?"
"Yeah, my brother. He was in a gang. I wasn't nearly stupid enough to get involved with that !" Something suddenly clicked for Tyrell. "Oh, I see what's really going on here. Hey, Armand?"
"Hmm? What is it?"
"Why are black dudes so good at playing basketball?"
"I don't know. Would you care to inform me?"
"It's because they're good at running, stealing, and shooting ." Tyrell emphasized the "shooting" bit for Margaret. "Get it? 'Cause I'm black, Margaret thinks I'm a thug!"
"That's a terrible joke."
"I know, right?"
"Everyone knows that dindus of the garden variety like you and your brother can't shoot for shit."
"Oh, Motherfucker!"
"I'm not kidding. Watch as you prove my point by aiming for my heart, but shooting my testicles, instead!"
"Armand, you're a smart guy, but come on! I'm standing right next to you, Fool!" Tyrell never aimed his gun at Armand, but after hearing that line, Armand acted. Keeping one hand on his rifle, Armand reached out and seized the weapon lightning quick. He then held the gun to Tyrell's forehead. "Oh, damn!" Tyrell exclaimed.
"As am I," Armand responded. "As you've admitted to having never shot before, surely, you will take no qualms if I decide to keep this." Showing mercy, he pointed the muzzle away.
"No, man. We're cool...We're cool." With a sigh, Tyrell turned back to Margaret. "Look, Margaret...I can't shoot. I never want to shoot, and probably never will. If you want to know a black guy who shoots, then try Phileas. I think his dad owns, like, fifty guns."
It was then that Margaret's memory kicked in. Phileas White, the young man in question, once ran into Margaret at a shooting range. They got along well with each other's families, and they both had a blast shooting each other's weapons. The boy could also shoot on the move; indeed, Margaret should have brought Phileas.
"Hey uh..." began one of the wedding guests. "...are you monkeys gonna save us, or what?"
"Oh, Hell no!" Tyrell exclaimed. "That pony did not just call me a monkey!"
"Relax," Janice commanded. "That pony was talking to all of us. O.k.! Everyone, trade up." Jackson took Sean's Browning X-Bolt, Sean took the heavy M240, Janice took Armand's H&K, and Armand took Lancer's AR-15. "Are we good?"
"Ha! We're all doing better than Martis." Sean looked at the glass as "half-full." "Hey! Where'd that giant bug go?"
Margaret turned around to see aisle, but she had a clear view of the apse. There was Celestia, Shining Armor, and Twilight's friends...but Queen Chrysalis was nowhere in sight.
"Behind you, you nincompoops!" shouted a guest. So, the group spun around to see Chrysalis—who was behind them, just as forewarned—but before a single weapon could be raised, Chrysalis shot a laser straight through Margaret's heart. So it was that Margaret woke up again.
The Young Descendant of Cyrus
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Prologue: Distorted Memories
"Likely story!" Twilight remarked.
But Princess Cadenza arose, determined to prove that it was her. "Sunshine , sunshine , ladybugs awake . Clap your hooves –"
"...and do a little shake !" Twilight paused, then grinned the widest grin. "You remember me!" Twilight exclaimed, and Cadenza received her in a hug.
"Of course I do! How could I forget the filly I loved to sit for the most?"
Together, they hugged and they hugged, but then, from the distance came maniacal laughter. A gleam also caught Cadenza's eyes—perhaps a distant exit from the caves.
"We have to get out of here!" Twilight remarked. Her voice now possessed determination. "We have to stop her!" she added with urgency.
Neither Twilight nor Cadenza made it far. The two of them rounded the corner, and they confronted four unicorn guards. The maniac's laughter returned, and the eyes of the guards glowed an eerie sage.
