"And so the contract is bound.." The Djinn that stood before John said as he packed away papers into a brown leather briefcase.
"When does this well..kick in?" John stood up from the booth that he always sat in at the bar that he always drank in.
"Why don't you just have a drink."
"That doesn't exactly answer my question." John furled his brow and dusted some sawdust off his blue jeans.
"And I don't intend to. Just have a drink." The Djinn simply passed John a drink. Its consistency was similar to tar, and the smell certainly matched the sights.
"You don't expect me to drink that...do you?"
"I do. Take a drink."
John slowly picked up the shot glass and downed the sludge. It was as thick as it looked and tasted as it smelled.
"This is tar....THIS IS TAR!" John screamed and gagged as he slammed the glass down onto the table with a thud. John began to cough uncontrollably and reached for a glass of water but the Djinn already had the water in his hand, toying with it, watching John cough and gag.
"You humans really are..." On the last syllable he began to crack up laughing. "I can't believe you did that! You actually drank it. I thought you would have thrown it to the floor, you couldn't have actually thought tar would bring on any kind of transformation or that it was some magical sludge that would mold you into what the contract wrote out. Seriously though...seriously though...here." The Djinn snapped his fingers and the tar was gone from his throat.
"You're an asshole." John said catching his breath. "You can't just feed someone tar."
"You should know not to eat it, did your parents teach you nothing?"
John rolled his eyes and stood up.
"Seriously when will it kick in?"
"The contract was set into place the second you signed your name on the dotted line. These superhuman powers in exchange for you leaving your planet."
"Honestly I was surprised that was all I had to do. I would have expected me having to do something really messed up or depressing."
"Brutal honesty I was thinking about having you become a eunuch in exchange for all the power. However you are the one who got me out of that blasted amulet so I let you off easy."
"Aren't I lucky."
"Indeed you are."
"So where am I?"
"Some planet where you will be totally alien, one of a kind. Cross your fingers they aren't very fond of dissection." The Djinn chuckled under his breath.
"I swear to god if I step out of this bar and find myself on some planet where they breath methane instead of oxygen I will...probably die, but I will be very upset!"
"No, it is not hostile in that regard. Now, I must be off, there are a fair few things to be done now that I am free. Cause chaos, instill paranoia, mess with some mediums. Normal things for an all powerful magical entity."
"I suppose I will away now then." John stepped out of the booth and put his hand onto the doorknob before taking a long deep breath. "To new beginnings." John swung open the door and found himself stepping outside of a different bar, this one being called The Winking Mare. John's eye twitched as he read this. "Please let this be medieval times, or at least a fantasy world." John looked around some more and found all the stores and stands were both abandoned for the night as well as labeled with horse puns.
As he continued to explore the square and its surrounding streets and vendors, he saw many a book store, and places selling horseshoes, saddlebags and the sort, some of which being jewel encrusted, strange to have such things for a beast of burden. Another sight he found strange was the lack of butchers, or any kind of meat vendors for that matter. He so swore he would smell the aromas of pork and lamb but no such things were about.
"Perhaps this city in vegan." John whispered to himself, "I'd rather be shot."
John chuckled to himself and continued meandering about until he came to the end of the east road. Beyond the pavement was a dirt road that lead up to what seemed to be a very successful apple orchard.
John smirked and said, "Jackpot."
He sprinted into the orchard and found a soft mound of ground next to one of the trees. He softly laid his head upon the mound and it was hardly more than a few moments before his exhaustion took hold and he fell asleep.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"What the...." A southern accented voice pierced John's ears as callused hooves prodded at his chest.
"Just five more minutes.." He uttered half asleep and rolling over, completely ignoring the creature prodding at him.
The creature, clearly a female, let out an exasperated sigh before bucking him in the chest. "Wake up!" She screamed in her unmistakable southern accent.
John lurched and rolled over once more, this time rising to his knees. "What the hell! You can't just kick someone like that." John's eyes were still closed as he stood up, dizzy from the blow. He opened his eyes, and looked about. As far as his gaze could reach there were apple trees and wooden buckets laying next to them. A patch here and there were empty but not much. "Who just..." He kept looking around before looking down and gasping in surprise. The creature he looked upon was an equine. Its fur slightly dirty from moving throughout the orchard, but the orange was unmistakable. A blonde mane drooped down its back and down its cheeks. "Am I dreaming?"
"You ought to be if you think it's okay to sleep here. Who even are you? What are you?" The orange equine was asking questions rapidly, and giving John absolutely no time to reciprocate an answer.
"Uhh. I'm John...and I'm well...don't worry about what I am. What the hell are you? Last time I checked horses don't talk." John stretched and scratched where his already completely healed bruise would be.
"I'm a pony now you answer!"
"I said don't worry." John laughed and tried to pat the head of his orange pony, to which she responded with a swift slap with her hoof. "Rude!" John exclaimed, holding his hand sarcastically feigning pain.
"You are trespassing!" She exclaimed, stretching out her back trying to get into John's face, "and you don't even have the courtesy to say what you are beyond a name that doesn't even sound like a dang name!"
"John's pretty damn standard if you ask me. What do they call you?"
"Applejack!"
"Ahhh, so you're named after a cereal." John snickered, but Applejack was clearly not amused.
"Wait 'ntil Twilight gets hold of you! An alien trespassing, not going to sound so good!"
"Fine, I'm a human. Happy?"
"What the hay is that!?" Applejack asked in utter confusion.
"I didn't question why you're a talking horse, pony, whatever! Why are you questioning my race?" John stretched once more. "So where can I get something to eat?"
Applejack was again sighed in disbelief and slammed her hoof into her face. "I'm going to go get Twilight, she's the authority on anomalies around here...she'll want to speak with you."
"My question still stands."
"The barn is north of here, and feel free to get at a few apples. You seem harmless enough, just gave me a scare is all. Something like you ends up here in the dead of night...well...gives me a frighten. The wood tends to leak out harmful things."
"I suppose I understand." John was saying once again sarcastically as he began to walk northwards towards the barn. "Am I to wait there?"
"Yes." Applejack uttered that last word before swiftly moving back towards the town.
John walked towards the barn, and as opposed to his night stroll he enjoyed the scenery. The apples were perfectly red almost as if they were painted. Their taste was heavenly, and surprisingly they were rather filling. The sun was shining in John's eyes but he could make out the barn and farmhouse from where he was standing. It was a modest abode with a few windows probably indicating bedrooms with the kitchen being in the back. As for the barn it was probably twice the size of the average barn he would see back home.
"Suppose they move a lot of stuff through here."
John sat down against the barn and started to eat another apple. Its juices ran down his throat as he ate what may as well have been solid ambrosia. It wasn't long before Applejack returned with a purple alicorn that could be presumed as Twilight. John waved as Twilight looked upon him and gasped in surprise.
"Hello..uhm..John, is it?" She asked nervously.
John stood up and extended his hand to her, "That would be me." He smiled genuinely now that he was full and happy. "What do you need?"
"Applejack was telling me you snuck onto her farm and slept there."
"That would be correct. Wasn't exactly going to look for a hotel. Apple orchard seemed like a nice enough place."
"Yes, but well. I need to ask you a few things, care to come with me?"
"Why not. Good to stretch the legs every now and then."
"Right." Twilight said with a nervous smile as she motioned for John to follow her.
The town itself was absolutely beautiful. All of the buildings blending together like a rainbow. The smells of the place were also amazing with fruits and vegetables and pastries filling the air with their respective aromas. The place that they stopped at was not a house but a tree. There were windows up at the top and a small door that John had to duck through to enter. John found himself sitting down on a seat opposite to where Twilight sat herself down. She had a journal in front of her and used her magic to control a pen.
"So what brought you here?"
"Signed a contract with a Djinn. His being was bound to some amulet I bought off a gypsy. Gorgeous piece of jewlery, and unfortunately I didn't get to keep it. Damn shame too! The amulet whispered to me and had me do some weird ritual and then I met him. I can't remember his name, probably not too important. Probably didn't even tell me the right bastard. He gave me one wish, but it would come at a price, I wanted powers beyond the reach of any human ever.
"Powers, what kind of powers?"
"Superhuman speed, reflexes, healing, strength, stuff like that. I wanted to effectively become a god, however when I asked with omnipotence he laughed at me. So we settled on something that would make me unbeatable in a fight. I was hoping to join the military like this. Maybe a private military corporation, but nope I'm here. Not all bad, at least this place smells better than the shit hole town I was in."
"So you have magic powers?"
"Wouldn't describe it as magic. I can't shoot fireballs or control people or anything. It's just for all intents and purposes I'm immortal. If the Djinn didn't lie to me there is nothing that would ever be able to muster the strength to kill me in any physical fight."
"That's actually rather interesting? You said it was a Djinn?"
"Yes I did. Do you have lint in your ears?"
"No!" Twilight was slightly taken aback by the sarcastic question, "Just strange. Air elementals with that kind of power seldom leave their own planes. The fact that you met one and it did that for you as well as sending you here is amazing."
"I guess it is. But he didn't seem like anything of the sort. When he came out it wasn't the stereotypical Djinn, it was just some guy! He was about my height and maybe a bit older."
"Well, if it can grant wishes, it can certainly shapeshift." Twilight pulled out a book on the inhabitants of the plane of elemental air, "You might want to read up on Djinn's they can be very dangerous. Are you sure there wasn't anything else in the contract that you signed other than being sent here?"
"He said that he was going to be light on me since I freed him, but I didn't read the whole contract. For all I know I have the life expectancy prison pedophile."
"Do you think you could tone down that kind of humor while you're around. Most ponies won't find it very funny and most will find it offensive."
"No promises, I don't need people to like me, I'm just here to do....well I don't know what I'm here to do." John scratched his head. "Honestly, I haven't thought that far."
"As happy go lucky as this place tends to be, Ponyville has this habit of getting itself into trouble with the weirdest things. An extra helping hand when something bad happens wouldn't be bad. You said you wanted to join the military on your home-world?" Twilight asked with genuine concern.
"I wanted to join a private military corporation. Something with a bit bigger of a paycheck and I would be off doing something more entertaining than fighting for a country's less than pure agenda."
"Well, one of my close friends, Rainbow Dash has been working on something. She said when she was flying around she saw a gathering of suspicious creatures in a ravine. Maybe you could meet up with her and ask if there is anything you can do to help. She's typically friendly around new po....people." Twilight blushed, "I'm used to calling everyone a pony, you're kinda unique in that way."
"Where can I find her? I'm getting bored of doing nothing. Besides, I haven't had a chance to test out this new power."
"She's just camping out by the ravine. Tell her I said hi! I haven't seen her in quite a while."
Chapter 2
To get to the ravine that Twilight was talking about you had to head west through Ponyville's small yet boisterous art district. Ponies would gather around to watch others paint, sculpt, and from time to time you might catch some ponies watching a poet writing a piece under the shade of the trees that the buildings weave through seamlessly. Many weird stares were given but none were more obvious than an extravagant tailor that was showing off some of her newest works. Pony dresses were strange in anatomy and design compared to the ones that John would see back home. Rarity looked at him with a shocked gaze and seemed to almost faint as John simply looked in awe at her dresses while he walked through the last bit of the arts district.
Outside of that place, one would see a large grassy field which to the north would end in a forest, but to the far west, most would simply more grass. John on the other hand, with his special eyes, could see a tiny cyan dot on the horizon that seemed to be floating right before a drop-off. The grass was soft on John's bare feet and the dirt was cool and refreshing. The wind brought in the same smells of bread and flowers but with a gut-wrenching twist. The wind carried the faint odor of sulfur.
"Someone throwing goose eggs?" John thought to himself, recoiling at the scent. Heightened senses, despite claims to the contrary, are not always a boon!
Minutes past and as John got closer and closer the smell became more and more wretched! However, the smell was contrasted by a sight more beautiful than John could ever imagine. A cyan wonder that stood stout in the grasses near the ridge. A rainbow flowed from the tip all the way down to the base. Yes, that was a gorgeous tree that many are not lucky enough to see in their wildest hallucinations. Then, then there was Rainbow Dash standing, looking down into the ravine.
"Hey." John said nonchalantly as he sat down with his legs drooping over the chasm.
Rainbow Dash turned around quickly, clearly upset by something going on in the ravine, and spouted out, "Who in Tartarus are you! What are you at that?"
"You know, I could ask you the same damn question and it would get us the exact same god damn place. I'm John, I got played slightly by a Djinni but still got a pretty good fuckin' deal. There's your TL;DR now what the hell is going on down there? It smells awful!"
Rainbow Dash looked at him, astonished at the absolute crassness of this man without even the slightest clue of the irony that that implies. "Well," she started putting her hoof up, "It started with that sulfur smell coming from down there. I went to investigate since that's kinda my job being the fastest pegasus around..."
John cut her off, "Don't need your life story get to the point."
She looked at him once again in disbelief of what was in front her. Rainbow Dash was correct in saying that she was the fasted pegasus in Ponyville, but she had never been told off before when talking like that, especially by someone new. "Well, wait a minute! How do can I even be sure that you can be of help to me?" She asked, getting into John's face.
"Look enough with the cliche bullshit of you not thinking I'm up for the job. Tell me what is going on. I will resolve it. Hell, how Twilight has put it you go through this kind of stuff on a weekly basis."
"Yeah, but seems worse. These things started appearing! I read a book that I borrowed for Twilight that their imps. Lesser devils that come from Tartarus. They usually just accompany evil unicorns or go around trying to get people to do evil but a bunch of them seem to be congregating here for some reason."
"That sounds like something that should be easily fixed. I'll go down there and see what I can do."
"Wait! Don't you think you need help?" Rainbow Dash said as John stood up and stretched.
"Nope!" John exclaimed as he stretched his arms, legs, and back. "If the Djinn was correct, I should be able to jump off this ledge, land on my feet and be perfectly fine."
"Are you drunk?" Rainbow Dash asked wildly as she flew in front of the backing up John. "You don't have wings, best case scenario your knee bones become visible, worst case scenario you become an abstract art installation!"
"I'm not drunk! I'm what you would call awesome." John's arrogance was showing, interesting seeing as the most impressive thing he did today was not trip over a rock that was only slightly hidden by leaves.
"Don't say I didn't warn you." Rainbow Dash stepped aside figuring it would be easier to just watch him fail miserably.
John smirked and took a few paces back away from the ravine before running forward and leaping into the air. His heart was soaring! This had been the most intense thing he had ever done. Leaping into a ravine to combat evil after gaining immense power. He would soon be superman, he would be a god amongst men, and as he started going faster and faster he realized he would soon hit the ground. Adrenaline was pumping he was ready to bash some devil skulls in, and then it happened. He struck the ground with an astounding boom, but something else had happened. As John looked down at his legs he saw that his knee bones were sticking through his thighs.
"Fuck." He spoke those words in a deadpan voice before screaming to the heavens, alerting every imp in the area that was previously either eating, sleeping, or mating with various wildlife. The imps began to snicker as they came across their helpless prey, but even they were stopped in their tracks as they saw John's bones slowly crack and grind and retract back into his body to be repaired. John felt every movement, every touch, and even the healing process. It hurt, it hurt badly. The Djinn said that he would have an insane healing factor, never that it wouldn't hurt, or that he would be harder to break than an average human.
"Guess the blue one was right about the knee thing." John stood up and looked around his immediate surroundings. There were at least twenty-seven imps visible to him. Each one drooling for a chance at the strange creature before them. "You want me, come and get me!" John growled and struck a fighting stance. It was at this moment he realized he made a mistake. In his attempt to speed along to become a hero, he forgot to learn how to fight or procure a weapon.
The imps spoke in gurgling babbles. It sounded as if it were some guttural language, but John sure as hell didn't understand it. An Imp charged him, and as quickly as it flew John was able to stop it with a firm backhanded slap. The imp flew across the ravine, cracking its head open on a particularly jagged rock. The imp kept twitching and bled out a foul-smelling liquid that appeared to be acidic. The remaining imps looked up at John and began to fly around him and insane speeds; one by one they charged the man, and one by one he smacked them to the ground with great intensity.
"By my mighty hand, I will slap thee back to where you came from!" John screamed in an almost humorous matter.
With only about ten of the imps left, they finally figured it may be worth their time to charge him all at once. John managed to slap two of them away before the other eight latched to him. They ripped at his flesh with their razor sharp teeth and claws. They melted some of his flesh away with their acid. John felt every little bit of it. John kept healing the damages, but he couldn't help but fall to his knees and wince in agony. Rainbow Dash saw the man fall, and quickly jumped into action! Her first move being a hit and run, dropping a large rock onto the head of an imp attempted to claw out John's ever healing throat. The imp died, but the rock also smashed into John's head giving the poor man a massive headache on top of the grievous bodily harm. The imps, seeing John just keeps healing flew off of him and quickly started darting towards Rainbow Dash. John's body took only a moment to heal, but by the time it did the imps had already flown off into the sky and were nearing Rainbow Dash at an alarming speed.
"The little shits are coming for you!" John screamed as he stood up and tried to find some rocks he could throw to help her out as much as she had helped him. It was late though, by the time John had stood up to scream, she was preparing to take another run, but she was simply running into the swarm of remaining imps. They latched on quickly and began to tear at her flank. They screamed and cackled in a way neither John nor Rainbow Dash would ever forget. John grabbed a pebble and quickly through it, aiming for an imp trying to tear at her wings. To his surprise, his aim was true even at such a long range and the pebble drilled a hole straight through the imp's skull causing it to crash to the ground with a resounding thud. John grabbed more pebbles, and with his newfound confidence in the art of chucking shit, he pegged all the imps in quick succession until one was left on Rainbow Dash. The damage on her was bad though and she was quickly descending with small holes pierced into her wings and bad damage to the rest of her body. The final imp was crawling towards her head with an attempt to kill and run so he could have a meal later. John wouldn't let that happen. With no more stones suitable for accurate throwing left he broke off the head of one of the imps at his feet to use as a projectile. The strike was true, but the projectile was too large to be lethal to the offensive imp. John saw the creature free falling and began to run towards it was great vigor. He reared back his arm and screamed nonsensically as the punch connected created a massive burst of force alongside the actual punch. The imp was sent flying towards a boulder that it swiftly splattered against.
John took a deep breath and approached the boulder and looked it up and down. "I never did like abstract art." He smirked as he looked at the destroyed remains. He turned around and began to chuckle before a grim realization took him over. "Is she dead?" He thought to himself as he slowly turned around to the wounded Rainbow Dash. There were large chunks of flesh and fur missing, as well as the holes in her wings. Acid burns also littered her body with blunt force trauma to the front right leg and skull. Collateral damage from the pebbles most likely.
"Hey...blue...Rainbow Dash, that's your name...you alive buddy?" He grabbed a stick and gently poked one of her miraculously non-wounded areas. She groaned as he did so. "Oh thank the gods above. Alright Dash, let's get you out of here." He grabbed her and picked her up over his shoulder to be brought back to the small town of Ponyville.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As John carried the wounded, and still unconscious Rainbow Dash into town there were many eyes on him. Some spiteful, some curious, most concerned for the well being of their beloved element of harmony. Something of this magnitude has never happened before. Fights have left the elements and other 'warriors' of Equestria exhausted but never battered to this degree. John went straight to Twilight's library and opened the door.
"So I have good news and bad news." He put Rainbow Dash down on the hardwood. He was covered in her blood, and she was looking far more pale than before they left the ravine.
Twilight rushed past John and used her magic to wrap up Rainbow Dash in all the bandages she had at her disposal. Twilight worked quickly and with great precious as she put Rainbow Dash into a good position as much as limited medical knowledge allowed.
"What happened!" Twilight said very sternly.
"There were imps, I jumped down, killed a bunch, they got on top of me, Rainbow Dash got em off but then they got on her. I heal she doesn't, so...yeah. On the bright side, the imps are dead. Bittersweet right?"
"Far more bitter than sweet, but yes. At least the problem is gone. Rainbow Dash needs to be cared for, I'll send for you if I need you, for now just don't get anyone else injured."
John nodded and took himself out of the building. This was going to be a long life.