I went to bed last night and I was scared. I was scared for women.

When I got into the sleep zone I saw a sight of women being corrupted. It was frightening and I cried. I have never seen a more demonic sight than these corrupted women and I prayed for God to uncorrupt all the corrupted women and to give these women a special shield that would surround them at all times to ward off the corruption for the future.

As I prayed, the dove came to me and gave me a scroll. On the scroll was a movie. I looked closely at the movie and then I was drawn into it.

(The movie was Equestria.)

Wheeee!

In Equestria, I entered the treehouse of Twilight Sparkle. All the six ponies were there, and Spike too.

They knew about the threat to women. The corruption that came from the Devil. They were already working on it.

"Where is the Devil?" I asked. "I want to punch him until he stops corrupting women!"

Twilight Sparkle read from a book she had in her magic. "Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousand-and-sixth year, the stars will aid in the Devil's escape from Hell, and he will bring about eternal corruption of women."

A gasp filled the room.

"The longest day of the thousand-and-sixth year? Why, that's..." Applejack counted on her rustic hooves, "today!"

Rainbow Dash leapt into the air with a wingburst. "Looks like we've," she said as she rallied her air, "gotta save women fast!"

"A portentous outing for such an insoluble day. Simply effervescent!" said Rarity, with a scarf.

Fluttershy hopped around like a bunny. "We can do it! We can do it! Oh... um... I mean, we can do it, can't we, Pinkie?"

"You bet, Fluttershy!" said Pinkie. "We can't just let women get eternally corrupted by the Devil! After all, women make pies. And I love pies... especially me! Heeheehee!" Pinkie rolled on the floor like a little puppy, laughing.

"What do you want me to do, Twilight? Should I come with you?" Spike was eager for an order.

"Hmm... This adventure will be dangerous, Spike. I'd feel better if you stayed here and looked after the library. You're just a baby dragon, after all; no matter how tough you are, you're no match for the morning star who fell like lightning from Heaven and has spent the last half-eternity in the sulfurous pit where their worm does not die nor does their flame go out, whose exit is locked by an adamantine door guarded by seventy seraphim." Spike looked disappointed.

As I listened, my burning resolve to punch the Devil right in his fat evil face grew ever stronger. After all, these ponies maybe had not thought about it, but I am a restless thinker so I had... they were women too.

There was no way I was going to let them get eternally corrupted.

"All right, girls," said Twilight Sparkle, closing her book. "This will be a long and difficult adventure. We should have some tea and sandwiches before we leave."

"Yeah!"

We finished the last of our tea, and prepared to leave. Twilight gave Spike a little kiss as he started to wash the dishes.

As the front door of the Ponyville library was thrown open, the sunlight fell on my face, warm and majestic, and there was a light moist breeze from the lake. The smells of summer were in the air, smells of pears, cherries, oak, rhododendron, tobacco, and fresh cut grass. The brazen shouts of fillies and colts wrestling in the distance carried over the rolling hills, punctuating the purring of wooden cart wheels rolling over stone walkways and the busy chatter of gossip and commerce and summer romance.

I bethought myself of the immensity of my task, and steeled my resolve. If anything was worth defending from the corruption of the Devil, it was the women of Ponyville.

The ponies wore their Elements of Harmony.

As we were about to depart, a novel stench filled the air: the odor of mushrooms. It was a scent I knew all too well.

"Whoa, who ripped that one?" asked Rainbow Dash, plugging her nose with her hooves. "Whoever it was, that wasn't funny! I'm getting dizzy over here..." Her floating grew erratic, and I watched helplessly as she circled around and around before crashing to the ground.

I looked back at the other five ponies. They were all crumbled down, choking and gagging, doubled over, nearly crying; their sensitive pony noses were being assaulted and overpowered by the noxious smell which grew stronger by the second.

I suddenly burst out in rage.

"Damn you, Lucifer! This isn't fair, hurting innocent women! Come out and fight me like a man!"

The ground beneath the Ponyville square began to rumble, then started to crack. Glowing embers and visible fumes poured from the crevasses. The ponies in the square dropped their carts, abandoned their stalls, grabbed up their foals, and fled for the hills.

In a great gout of filthy hot spew, the Devil himself erupted forth from the bowels of death that lay beneath the Earth's crust. He had pasty white pig skin on his back, with filthy sweat-pearled hair clumps. Tiny glistening scales covered his chest, and he had his ribs on the outside. His legs were bears' legs, and his arms were the arms of lions. He had wings, too, wings that sliced the air with a sharp hooking motion so malevolent that I could hear the sky cry out in pain.

But his face was the most striking part of him: his face was a mushroom. And he had no eyes, but a tiny mouth, deep as Hell itself, lined with thousands of vicious little teethies that spiraled endlessly down.

The Devil immediately looked around and found me. He growled with a preternatural malice. "Ah, my old foe. Caught... wind... of my plans, I see?"

"Shut up!" I yelled, as I heard the cries of the ponies behind me. "You're responsible for all this pain, and now you've escaped from Hell to try to corrupt all women eternally!"

The Devil laughed. "Yes, and you're going to stop me? Just try it." He glanced at Rainbow Dash, who had by now passed out, and without warning flung a filthy ball of corruption right at her.

"NO!" I yelled, and strained to jump in front of the ball of corruption. I barely got there in time to stop the Devil from eternally corrupting Rainbow Dash.

But now I was covered in the corruption.

"Ha, ha, ha!" said the Devil, his little mushroom teeth wriggling furiously. "Now you will be the first to be corrupted. You can sit by my side and watch as I corrupt all the women in the world, one by one! Ha, ha, ha!"

I looked down, at the corruption that was oozing into my skin and would soon be inside my soul, and started to cry. My spirit was broken. I couldn't bear the thought of all those little fillies, whose laughter only minutes before had filled up the summer breeze, being eternally corrupted by the Devil.

But then in the deep part of my heart, I heard a sound I recognized. I heard the coo, and I felt the dove fluttering his wings. Suddenly I was filled with confidence and my whole body felt lighter, because I knew what I had to do.

"You haven't won yet, Lucifer!" I shouted defiantly. "You've overlooked something. Your corruption won't work on me..."

The Devil was taken aback. "Oh? And why not?"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT A WOMAN!"

As I yelled this, I leaped forward as fast as I could. I got right up to the Devil, and I punched him with all my might, right in his fat, stupid, ugly, evil, mushroom face.

"Aaaaooooohhhwwwww!" the Devil shrieked. "How could this happen to meeeeeee?!"

The punch I gave the Devil was so hard that it sent him straight back down into Hell, where the seraphim bound him once more, to hold him fast until the Judgment Day. As the Devil was thrown down from Ponyville, all the damage he had caused was repaired. The corruption vanished, and the smell of mushrooms lingered no longer in the air.

The ponies were jumping and smiling for joy. Then they all gave me a big hug, even Fluttershy, and thanked me for saving them from the corruption of the Devil. There were tears of relief, and laughter filled the air once more.

Then Twilight Sparkle said, "I think an event this stupendous calls for tea and sandwiches!"

"Yeah!"

Author's Note

Please feel free to share your own stories of fighting with the Devil in the comments!