Zounds, this morning had quickly devolved from an enjoyable, post-coital catnap to an aggravating, non-explosive standoff that had gone horribly wrong, though for completely unexpected reasons. At this rate, you’ll be dragging yourself to the palace’s medical wing with your stomach having completely turned into a peptic ulcer before it’s time for supper. You were even denied the soothing, cathartic relief that an execution would bring. Yes, this night’s second half was on the fast track to hell, and the conductor was shoveling in the coal at an alarming rate.

And rather than coal, it was actually a large mound of a bull’s excrement.

You are a very disgruntled and disenchanted Nightmare Moon, reigning monarch of Equestria, guardian of the moon, stars, and evidently, Mare of the Year, according to last week’s issue of Equestria Today! magazine. That last one seemed rather odd, given the fact that you’ve been completely absent from this world’s existence during the former half of this year.

It seems that your Royal Concubine has seen fit to run off and try to make peace with that mouthy little mare who had tried to re-banish you upon return from your millennium-long imprisonment. You had foolishly decided to spare the life of her and her friends after their defeat by your hooves, and this is how she had decided to reciprocate your mercy. You really, REALLY wanted to just kill her and be done with the headache. It would have been so easy, Gods above, killing comes as naturally as breathing to you! A simple vaporization, beheading, or neck-snap, and then back to business as usual. You could have done it so simply, easily, remorselessly...

...So why didn’t you?

You’ve already come this far. Celestia will not be coming back within the foreseeable future, you’ve taken your spot as the sole ruler of Equestria, and you’ve made multiple bloody examples of those who dare to try remove you from your place of power. So why the hesitation now? What stopped you from taking that plunge into the “True Evil” territory that your damned subjects have already collectively decided that you inhabit?

’Save the executions for the ponies who deserve it, alright? Twilight is a good pony who doesn’t deserve it. Kill with your head, not with your heart.’

It was because Anonymous did not want you to kill her, that’s why. Every pony you have killed so far had unquestionably deserved it, particularly for trying to kill you and/or Anonymous. You had already justified that mare’s death in your own mind, but Anonymous had stepped in to firmly inform you that it was not actually the righteous slaughter that you believed it to be, much to your annoyance. Perhaps he was right, though. Murdering ponies who simply annoyed you is likely not the best path for your fragile mind to trot. As loose and flexible as your own moral compass may be, the idea of straight up murdering the innocent just doesn’t settle well with you. You suppose that’s technically a good thing, as it reminds you that, despite what the tabloids keep printing, you still have some touch with your equinity... For whatever that’s worth.

“Your Majesty, if it’s not too much to ask, could I have my service weapon back?”

You are snapped out of your melancholic pondering by the voice of the trooper you had exiled to the corner to think about what he had done. Ah yes, he who had so thoughtfully and tactlessly pointed out that the seed of your lover was currently leaking out the back of you.

Your face scrunches as you turn your pointed gaze to face him. “Hmm... Nay,” you grumble, picking up the crossbow that sits on the floor beside you. Bringing it up, you give the weapon a proper inspection. “We are rather... intrigued by this fascinating weapon. We had ordered these in bulk for Our guard forces at the advisement of Our most trusted commanding officers. Truth be told, We did not know what to expect when we authorized the procurement of these contraptions.” Your magic once again takes hold of the grip, clearly designed for a species other than ponies to grasp. Waving the weapon around and getting a feel for the weight feels strangely... satisfying. “Yes... We like this weapon, indeed. We believe We shall be holding onto this for the time being.”

The guard in the corner gives an awkward swallow. “I will need to sign out another from the armoury if I’m to fulfill my duties, my queen...”

His words barely register to you as you’re still enamored by the potential killing power of this device. “Enh? Oh, yes, begone. Rearm.”

The guard gives a small sigh of relief as he is excused from his spot of indignity.

“One moment, We shall have your name and rank before you shamefully slink away from Us.”

“Err... Sterling, Your Highness. Master Corporal Sterling Silver.”

You are slightly taken aback by this. “Truly? Thou art in a position of leadership?!”

The soldier gulps. “I... took out two Royal Guard soldiers and wounded another during your take-over when they revolted, Your Highness. My new chain of command saw fit to promote me based on that.”

It seems that the purge of roughly half of the effective strength of the Royal Guard Force has left some rather... lackluster troops to fill the rank void. You should really consider a hiring blitz to get some new blood pumping around here. For now, though, you suppose ponies like this will have to do.

“We see... This repugnant display of observation to the wrong sort of detail has been noted, Master Corporal. If thou are caught gazing up Our nether regions again, We shall see fit to remove yours.” You make a shoo-ing motion with your hoof. “Leave.”

“Y-yes, I understand, Your Highness.” He wastes no more time skittering towards the grand door of the throne room, passing by the blank-faced Captain Vigilant Sky.

The Captain himself walks up to you as give an exasperated sigh, hooves massaging your temples as you wonder if this is what you will have to expect to do on your weekends from now on. Did Celestia have to deal with constant terrorist attacks after the end of her work week?

“Is everything alright, Your Highness?”

“No, everything is not alright, you sycophantic blunderbuss!” You snap at such a ridiculous question. Clearly the powers of observation worked on a sliding scale within the ranks of your guards. “Every day and night, there is some new malcontent storming into Our palace—Our home—to loudly and violently proclaim their... discontent. Usually verbally, occasionally physically. Tell us, did Celestia ever have to deal with such a hostile populace? Honestly, throw Us a carrot, here!”

“I wouldn’t look so deeply into it, Your Highness,” the guard captain says, shuffling his position slightly, but his face offering no real emotional indication. “The ponies that come here for your court hearings represent just a small percentage of the common pony’s opinion. I’m sure your approval rating has started to climb these past couple months.”

“Oh, truly?” Looking off to your side, you telekinetically grab a newspaper that sits idle on a table nearby. “Then why does it prove such a challenge to find a pony who looks upon Our crown with reverence and respect?” Holding it out in front of the captain’s squinting face, the front page displays a (poorly) doctored image of you holding a pitchfork with demon horns sprouting from your head while a superimposed ring of flames surrounds you. Below, the headline reads:

Crazed Queen Nightmare “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” Moon Senselessly Slaughters Six

Evidentally, foiling an elaborate assassination attempt on you was considered vile enough to be ‘senseless’.

Captain Sky crooks his head, nonplussed. “This is just typical leftist tabloid garbage, my queen. These same reporters roasted Princess Celestia on regular basis, and your rather... ‘eccentrically strict’ style of ruling is causing the media to eat it up like the vultures they are. They blow things like this out of proportion all the time.”

Giving an annoyed “Hmmph,” you begrudgingly accept that reasoning. Tossing the paper aside, your mind still rests on the events that have just transpired these past thirty minutes.

Thinking deeply on not just why it happened, but how, your brow furrows. “What We wish to know is how in the unholy Hells did a single, mere unicorn mare manage to stroll right into Our throne room with an explosive device? Not just any mare, mind thee, but Celestia’s student! Every pony in this palace must know who she is! Did no guard think to detain or even question what she was doing skulking in Our palace long after royal business has been adjourned for the weekend?!” The guard captain’s uncertain facial expression does little to reassure you.

“Are We truly being unreasonable in Our expectations for security within this palace? Or are We simply being a... a...” You pause as you try to recall the vernacular of today’s youth. “Oh, damnation, what do the kids these days call it? A ’stuck-up bitch’?”

The stallion awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, averting his gaze. “Your hi-...”

“Are We a ‘stuck-up bitch’, Captain?”

He gulps. “...Are you, uh... looking for the honest answer, or just what I think you would like to hear, Your Majesty...?”

“We shall allow thou to decide that...” you snarl, bringing your stare of ice just a bit closer.

A pregnant pause fill the air as he seems torn on how to answer. This tells you all you need to know, but are interested to hear what he’ll say, regardless. “No,” he finally replies. “You’re not a stuck-up bitch, Your Majesty, but... if I had to guess, then I would have to say there may be an internal security threat that needs to be immediately eradicated. It could have been one of our own who waved Ms. Sparkle through.”

“An internal...-?” Perfect, this is just what you needed right now. Rebel groups are running around Equestria, terrorists are strolling into your throne room, and now there are traitorous rats amongst the ranks of your guards. “This is unacceptable, Captain! This palace is the heart of Our rule, and We have NOT worked this hard securing it just to have Our operations compromised by traitors! You will coordinate with your second-in-command, you will identify this traitor or traitors, and you shall report them to Us, directly! We will have this threat purged promptly, are We understood on that?”

“Yes, Your Highness,” he belts obediently. “I’ll brief Warrant Officer Purple Posey imediately. We’ll get right to work digging up the moles and cleaning house. This palace will be secured in no time.”

“It should be secured right now, Captain,” you seethe impatiently. “As you were.”

The pegasus officer gives a swift salute, and leaves the room in a brisk pace.

You now find yourself as the only one left in the throne room. Your officer in charge of palace security is investigating an internal threat, your royal boyfriend is off goddess-knows-where, fraternizing with a known enemy of the crown, and a small section of your Lunar Guard has been dismissed to go rut, under threat of discharge. This is not really how you planned on your weekend going, but... here you are.

The master corporal’s humiliatingly apt observation still hangs fresh in your mind. With that, you decide that now is as good a time as any for a nice, refreshing shower. Slinging your military-issued weapon across your back, you drearily trudge towards the direction of your personal quarters’ bathroom, feeling the uncharacteristic desire to cleanse yourself with some kind of ridiculous sun-scented shampoo.

This place truly made you sick.

*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*

You really have to admit it, but for a totally reclusive shut-in, purple bookhorse had a pretty swanky apartment. The first thing that caught your eye was a giant, tacky decorative hourglass in the middle of the living room. You immediately tried looking through it towards the horse-head bust sitting on a shelf opposite of it to see if Nightmare’s head would appear, but no such luck. Ah well, it was worth a shot.

You are Anonymous, and you’re here for a reason. Hoping to make amends with an unintended casualty of your takeover with Nightmare Moon, Twilight Sparkle has graciously decided to hear you out, despite having every reason to tell you to go fuck yourself and to go fall down a very tall flight of stairs for all eternity.

Well, to be fair, you did stop Nightmare from executing her, so maybe asking her to give you a chance wasn’t such a tall order. You know that Twilight isn’t a bad pony, and is definitely no terrorist. You hope that just maybe you could convince her to forgive you and Luna, possibly avoiding any more... ‘confrontations’ like you had earlier. Did that really qualify as a confrontation?

The horse in question is in the kitchen, preparing coffee out of a coffeemaker that looks like it has definitely seen some fair use. In the meantime, you figure you might as well poke around a little. Twilight’s place is pretty rad, it’s got this weird ‘modern’ feel to it that reminds you of higher-end condominiums back home. It’s even got giant-ass windows looking over Canterlot. Part of you doesn’t blame her for not getting out more.

Nearby, you see a purple lizard who you recognize as Spike sitting lazily in a small beanbag chair, reading a comic of some sort. Without even really thinking about it, you wander over, intent on making small talk. Noticing your approach, he pulls his attention away from his book. “Who are-... Oh, it’s you. You’re A Manatee, right?”

“Anonymous,” you correct. Boy, this trend is definitely going to take a toll on you.

“Oh. Sorry. Wait, aren’t you Nightmare Moon’s henchman?”

“Yeah, sort of.” You pause awkwardly, thinking that one over. “And by ‘sort of’, I mean ‘yes, because I have no clue what my official job title actually is,’ so I suppose ‘henchman’ is as good as anything else right now.” You should really speak to her and get that cleared up one of these nights.

He nods in understanding, which strikes you as a little weird. “That’s pretty cool. I’m kinda like Twilight’s henchman, you know.”

“You’re the guy she delegates all the bitch-work to? Yeah, I know how that goes, believe me.” It was kind of nice to find a kindred spirit in this world. Another whose purpose is also to be the lackey to a much smarter, bigger horse. “So, uh... how’ve you been doing these past couple weeks under a new ruler? Honestly, has it really been that bad?”

He shrugs indifferently. “I’ve been alright, I guess... I miss Celestia, though. She was always nice to me. Twilight’s been busy researching ways to get her back, so I’ve had it pretty easy for awhile. I’ve mostly just been hanging around, catching up on my comics.”

“Oh yeah? Wat’cha reading?”

Spike holds up his book for you to see, bearing the cover of a secret agent-looking pony with a short, dark mane cut wearing sunglasses and a deadpan expression on his face looking up towards the sky. In the background, a cityscape with glaring spotlights and pegasus ponies can be seen, while along the top reads the title.

“It’s called Celestius Ex,” he happily explains. “It’s about this pony named AJ Henson who’s got all these robotic body parts called ‘augs’, and he finds out that the super secret spy agency he works for is actually being controlled by this group of evil ponies who secretly control Celestia and run Equestria. AJ is really cool ‘cause he’s got all these super awesome robot powers like invisibility and super strength and hacking and stuff, and when ponies ask why he wears sunglasses at night, he says ‘my eyesight is enhanced.’”

“That’s... neat.” You take just a moment to let that little sucker mentally digest. “We have something along those lines back home, but it’s not nearly as interesting as... as that.” This weird version of Equestria you’ve fallen into is pretty fucked, it’s almost like everything you’ve ever known still exists, yet is twisted in convoluted and contrived ways to fit the context of horses. “I’m actually kind of surprised you’re into that. You seem pretty young to really understand the underlying themes of betrayal, government conspiracy, trans-ponyism and shit like that.”

“I’m not that young!” He huffs. “I read stuff like this all the time! Just last week, I finished The UniCourne Identity, Hoof-Life 2, Haylo 3, and I’m halfway through Pax Mayne, which is about this cop who jumps through the air and has nothing to lose when his wife an-”

“I FUCKING KNOW WHO PAX MAYNE IS.” You blurt, a little more loudly than you intended. “PLEASE-, just stop... naming things. I don’t know how much more of these godawful names I can take...”

Noting Spike’s look of deep concern for you, you decide that maybe you should cut this conversation short before your brain implodes. “Alright, don’t let me keep you from your unabashed ripoff-er, comic. I got some... henchman-y business to settle with Twilight.”

“Y-you’re not gonna kill her or lock her up are you?” He exclaims with a suddenly panicked expression.

“What? No, not at all. Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know what that pony in the cloak wanted from Twilight, but she didn’t agree to anything! I swear! Henchman’s honour!”

“Alright, alright, I believe you, just take it easy.” You reassure him, despite how blatantly ominous that sounds. “I only wanted to talk with her, that’s all. I don’t think she’s wrapped up in any kind of terrorist plot or whatever conspiracy scenario you’re thinking of from Deus Ex.”

“...Day us what now?”

You sigh and prepare to leave the frightened and confused drake to his book and overactive imagination. “Nothing, just don’t worry about it, alright? Everything’s going to be fine... probably. Just take a break from the comics every now and again, alright?”

He gives an indignant shrug, and you hear him mutter something about how you and Nightmare are probably going to give everyone ‘the grey death’, anyway.

“And don’t make any deals with the Illuminati, they’re backstabbing cunts.” You add, words of wisdom imparted unto you by your father.

The kid seems scared shitless of government conspiracies, it’s probably best not to feed into his fears. Idly, you meander about the other side of the luxurious apartment.

Scanning the nearby bookshelf, your eyes gloss over what must be hundreds upon hundreds of book spines. Giving an exhale, you twirl your finger in the air before planting it firmly on one at random. Removing your selection from the shelf, you glance at the cover, which is strangely untitled. Cracking open the book, you begin flipping through pages while only halfheartedly scanning their contents until you decide to stop, arbitrarily deciding that you have now found an interesting part to begin reading.

Radiance’s face went bright red as she finally realized what was happening. Surely her wise and beautiful teacher of all these years didn’t mean...? “P-princess...” She gasped, “...are you asking me what I think you’re asking?”

Celestia, with all of the grace and divinity that a goddess of the sun could possess, stepped closer to the trembling unicorn, a calming, serene smile on her bright, shining face. “And what is it do you think I am asking, my dearest little pony?”

“I-I...” Radiance gulped. This couldn’t be real. It was too good to be true. She had shoved her most passionate feelings and fiery lust for her teacher deep, deep down and refused to even acknowledge them when speaking directly to the teacher she idolized. How could Celestia know? It was impossible!

“I-I... I th-think you... y-you’re asking...” She wanted to say it, but the words stuck in her throat. From behind her, Radiance’s marehood throbbed with a great need. That need was for the Princess of the Sun and Moon to attend to attend to it. Thankfully her arousal was out of her ever-knowing teacher’s sight, but the scent...

Radiance had spent many a night fantasizing of the perfect form of Princess Celestia. She treasured every curve of the absolute pinnacle of femininity, longing to lovingly touch and caress that form for herself. Celestia inhaled deeply and sensually. Oh no. She knew. This was bad, so very bad. She would be revolted by the very sight of her once most prized, most faithful student. She would disown her, forsaking her from ever learning or even practicing magic ever again because of her disgraceful, disgusting desires. She would-

All thoughts ceased when a pair of heavenly lips took ahold of her own. Before she could even react, Celestia’s face was up against her’s and taking her in a warm, loving kiss. She tried her best to suppress it, but Radiance couldn’t help but let slip a tiny moan of unbridled pleasure. This couldn’t be real. This was too good to be true...

Just when she thought Celestia was going to pull away, she found her tongue-

“Anonymous, I know you said you wanted a ‘bucket’ of cream and sugar in your coffee, but I-... AAACK!!!”

In less than a second, the book you’re holding erupts and vaporizes in a ball of flame, causing you to yell as your hands are slightly singed in the process. “OW! Fuck! Aw, come on! Radiance and Celestia were just about to enter the bone zone!”

“WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?!” Twilight nearly screams, the two coffee mugs she was previously levitating now lay spilt near her hooves. “T-That’s personal! How dare you go through my things!”

“I thought it was just another book, jeez, sorry.” You mumble apolegetically, still nursing the minor burns to your hands. “Didn’t realize it was ‘personal,’ or whatever. At least hide that shit in your sock drawer or something.”

Summoning a damp washcloth from the kitchen, “I-It’s... a work in progress. Just forget about it,” Twilight grumbles as she begins wiping up the spilled coffee.

“Wait, YOU wrote that?!” You gape, scratching your head as Twilight’s face goes as red as what was described in her now-charred book. She chooses to ignore you, opting to continue wiping up the remainder of your beverages. “I’ve read my fair share of shameless smut, and I can tell you that from what I read in those couple of paragraphs deserves at least six thumbs up. Plus, it’s an original work! That alone is pretty refreshing, because let me tell you, fan fiction is for lazy, unimaginative losers.”

“H-Haha, yeah... s-sure.” Twilight winces, becoming very fixated on the floor and wiping with increased speed.

“Y’know, If you ever need a prereader or an editor or whatever, I’d be more than happy to lend a hand. There were these faggots I used to hang out with back in the day, they were pretty autistic, but they had good hearts. Anyway, we’d spend all day bouncing prompts off one another that would inevitably lead to sexual conclusions and-”

“ANONYMOUS-” Twilight quickly looks up from her work, chucking the used, coffee-soaked wash cloth to the side. “Look, I- uhm... greatly appreciate the offer, but... why did you insist on coming here?! What is it you want from me?”

Twilight’s sudden question rouses you from your train of thought. Huh, well you had to come to that, eventually, right?

“So uh, remember that time I did you a favour by saving you from getting murdered to death by Nightmare Moon?” The look on Twilight’s face tells you that she does not like where you’re going with this. “I was kinda hoping that you could return the favour by... making friends with Nightmare Moon and forgiving us both.”

“I- Wh- What?! Are you being serious?!”

Well, this is going over as well as you thought it would. “I know it sounds a little crazy and soon-”

“Anonymous, she BANISHED my princess and tried to kill my friends and I not even two whole months ago, and you’re asking me to forgive her, nevermind make friends with her?! How could you ask me to do that?!”

When she says it like that, it really does sounds like you just wasted your time on a fruitless trip to Twilight’s house. It would be a tough sell, but you would have to find a way to convince Twilight to go along with your plan. Given the circumstances, the most appropriate point to attack would be her biggest weak spot. “Twilight... at this point in time, what is the one thing you want most?”

She shakes her head a little in confusion, then tilts it. “Right now? What kind of-...” She sighs, “I want for Princess Celestia to come back and banish Nightmare Moon back to the moon!”

“Okay, now let’s say I could potentially help you with that. Would you be willing to meet me halfway?”

“Y-you’d help us fight Nightmare Moon?” She blinks in surprise, caught off guard by what sounds like your traitorous intentions.

“Pffft, of course not!” You laugh. “I suffer from terminally severe waifuism, so I’ll be at her side ‘til the end!” The purple pony visibly deflates as her momentary possibility of hope flew out the window. “But, what if I told you that maybe, just maybe... Nightmare Moon would be willing to bring Celestia back?”

Silence reigns in the apartment, only the audible ticking of a wall-hung clock could be heard for that moment as Twilight’s eyes drill deep into your own, trying to appraise the sincerity of your claim. Twilight was by no means a vindictive pony, so surely her love for Celestia would triumph over her disdain for Nightmare Moon.

Finally, she musters a response. “I... don’t believe you.” Breaking eye contact, Twilight’s now saddened gaze drifts to the floor. “Why would she ever do that? She hates Celestia! I know how she treats her enemies, especially since I’ve just become one! She’s horrible, she’s spiteful! I think she’s a-.... a...”

“A fucking bitch?”

“No, she’s not that,” she mumbles, her face scrunching up. “I don’t use swear words...”

“Twilight,” you take a kneeling stance, bringing your face to her level. “I understand that asking you to see Nightmare Moon as a fellow pony would be extremely difficult, to put it lightly.”

“Oh, Well I’m so glad you’re considering how I feel, now that Princess Celestia has been taken from me! How awfully considerate of you.” She growls pointedly, and she’s not wrong.

“Okay, okay, I know I really don’t have the moral high ground, here... But I know you’re not the kind of pony to turn away someone who is willing to make amends.”

She snorts softly. “And what makes you think that you know me? What all-knowing power do you possess that makes you think I’m the kind of pony that you think I am? How very presumptuous of you.” She pauses for a moment, remembering another detail. “Even back at the palace, you told me that I was ‘smarter than that’ for trying to carry out that fake bombing. Why? Why would you think that? And how did you know that my brother was the Captain of the Royal Guard?”

Taking a breath, you prepare your response. “You’re Twilight Sparkle. You idolized Princess Celestia since you were a kid after watching her raise the sun. You almost failed your entrance exam into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns when you couldn’t hatch a dragon egg, but after a sudden magical outburst, you did it, and caught the attention of the Princess, herself.”

Purple pony can only stand stone-still and slack-jawed as you recount moments from her life that you couldn’t possibly be there for. “You read about Nightmare Moon in a story called ‘The Mare in the Moon’ which told a rudimentary and simplified version of Nightmare Moon’s story and a prophecy that she would return a thousand years after her banishment. Celestia sent you to Ponyville to oversee preparation for the Summer Sun Celebration when you brought this to her attention, and you were under orders to, in her words, ‘make some friends’. That’s when you met Flutterbutter, Panka Po, Background Pony, Rarara, and Rainbow Cunt.”

“Those are not their-”

“And then, lo and behold, Nightmare Moon returned. You were the only one in the room who recognized her when she made her entrance, and you scrambled back to Ponyville’s library to find the reference guide for the Elements of Harmony. You and your new friends set off into the Everfree Forest to find them, it didn’t turn out the way you thought it would, and six weeks later, here we are, now. You see? I’m not entirely clueless when it comes to you ponies.”

Twilight blanks out in front of you, struggling to process how you could possibly know all that when you only appeared out of thin air just two months ago. “B-but... HOW? How do you know all this?”

You shrug, standing back up and burying your hands in your pockets. “Would you believe me if I told you that I know all that because I came from the future?”

“The future?” She repeats, skeptically. “Really? So you should already know what my answer will be and how this all plays out, right?”

“Not... exactly.” You mumble, rubbing the back of your neck. “You see, when I came here, I kinda ‘changed’ a vital event that sorta... altered the future. A lot. So my knowledge of the future from that point on is... kinda moot.”

“Would that ‘vital event’ happen to be Nightmare Moon being defeated?” She grumbles, annoyed.

“Ah, yup. That’d be it. On a positive note, we’ve most likely averted a tragedy two seasons down the line.”

“Wha- Why? What happens in Winter?” She asks, just a little more confused than you just made her just a moment ago.

“The point of all that,” you state, trying to get back on track, “is that I’m not just bullshitting you when I say that I have an idea of what kind of pony you are, and I know that you’re a good pony who’s willing to hear someone out, or let them try to make things up to you. I am truly sorry for what me and Moony did to hurt you, and if you’d give me a chance, I’d like to try to make it up to you.”

Shifting a little, Twilight sits back on her haunches as your words hit her. Instead of instantly dismissing you, she looks like she is at least considering accepting your olive branch. Unfortunately, your olive branch is all that it was, Nightmare’s would be a different story, but you would cross that bridge when you came to it. If nothing else, the sore, tennis ball-sized bruises on your body tell you that she owes you one, and you were nothing if not a scrupulous debt collector.

Finally, after some consideration, Twilight looks back up to you. “All I want is Celestia back. I appreciate you trying to apologize, but I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive you completely until you bring Celestia back.”

It’s a fair enough thing to ask. “Unfortunately, that one is kinda out of my power. That’s why I’m asking you the favour of at least trying to forgive and make friends with Nightmare. She’s the one who holds the keys to Celestia’s prison. I’m willing to bet if the two of you become close, you’ll be able to convince her to bury the hatchet with Celestia.”

“Again, what makes you think that Nightmare Moon would ever do that?” She asks, not unreasonably. “Nightmare Moon has been very open about her ‘Celestia is never coming back’ policy, and shuts down any pony who even mentions her name! You know her better than anyone in Equestria, Anonymous, so why would you think that she would ever bring Celestia back?”

It’s a tough question to answer, particularly because you’re not entirely sure of the answer, yourself. “You see, the thing is... Nightmare Moon is a very hurt and broken pony.” Judging by the look on her face, you’re not really laying any earth-shattering revelations on Twilight. “Believe it or not, Moony has actually been doing a lot better lately. Now, I know it’s really difficult to ask you to empathize with her, given how you fit into this entire mess, but just... try for a moment, here.”

She gives you a look that implies you’re asking her to do some grand chore, which may actually be closer to the truth than you’d like. After a moment of mental resistance, Twilight gives a small sigh. “Fine...”

You nod in appreciation, thankful that she’s willing to at least entertain you. “Now, I can’t speak for what happened between her and Celestia a thousand years ago since she doesn’t like to talk about it, understandably. From what I’ve gathered from her, she and Celestia had a bit of a falling out, and Nightmare Moon ended up imprisoned within the moon for the last millennia.”

“Alicorns are immortal, though, aren’t they? Nightmare Moon is probably several times older than the amount of years she spent in the moon!”

“Yeah, but a thousand years, Twiggy. That may seem like chump change if we scale it to the lifespan of an immortal being, but that doesn’t mean that the time passes any faster for her. Could you imagine being in solitary confinement for a millennia?”

“She was... aware during that time?” Twilight asks, with what almost sounds like a touch of fear lacing the question.

You nod, solemnly. “From what she told me, yeah, she was aware. She only talked about it once, but mentioned how she could see the world go by. If I had to guess, maybe it was some kind of perception spell to make it seem like she was physically on the moon while she was trapped within it.”

At first it looks as though she wants to dismiss this, but then a look dawns on her. “That... that would be like torture... Solitary confinement is only used as the harshest punishment for the worst of the worst criminals, and even that is only for week-long periods, at most! A thousand years, though? That would... it would...”

“Destroy a pony’s mind?”

Eyes locked into the nethers of space, Twilight swallows as the implication hits. “Y-Yeah...”

Seeing your words having an effect on her, you take your chance to elaborate further. “Given her mental state upon returning to the world of the living after a thousand years, she was... unstable. She may have did some stuff she wouldn’t normally do, and said some crazy things about ‘the night will last forever’ or ‘you will never see Celestia again’ or ‘the exclamation mark is an abomination that shall be abolished’, but I’m pretty certain she didn’t actually mean most of what she said. I mean, hell, just look at how long that ‘eternal night’ thing lasted. I told her that she was being stupid about that, and she took it down after a week!”

“I suppose...” Twilight reluctantly concedes, pawing the floor.

“But,” you continue, “she’s still a very hurt and broken pony. Everyone in the country pretty much either hates her guts or fears them, and she doesn’t have a single friend besides me. She’s in a strange, new Equestria that left her behind a thousand years ago, and she’s struggling to catch up to the times while ruling over some very uncooperative subjects. I think making a friend or two would really help her on the road to recovery, and in doing so, she’d be willing to make amends with you. Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but I think the two of you could really hit it off if you looked past all the... ‘her trying to kill you after you tried to fake-bomb her’ thing.”

She thinks about this, but her look hardens again. “And how does that get Celestia back? Are you saying that she’d be willing to go so far as to bring back the single pony she hates the most? All if I become her friend?”

You shrug. “Anything’s possible, right? We all thought that eternal night was gonna be a lot longer than seven days, and look how that turned out. She’s a pony, just like you, Twiggles. She’s capable of realizing her mistakes, and you know what? I’m pretty sure that, deep down, she wants her sister back, too. She’s just still... really hurt, is all. If she had a few more pillars of support in her life right now, she could probably be convinced to forgive her sister, too.”

A moment of silence passes between the two of you as Twilight considers this. She looks up to you, and you can see a glimmer of hope in her eyes that was previously absent. “You... really think so?”

“I really do. No grudge lasts forever.” You offer a genuine smile of reassurance.

With a deep breath, Twilight’s resilience finally collapses. “Alright, Anonymous... You’ve convinced me to at least give her a chance. One chance. I will try to make nice with Nightmare Moon, but if she doesn’t show the same courtesy to me, then we’re through. Got it?”

“Me and you can still be friends, though, right?”

An exasperated groan is her only response before she suddenly perks up again. “Wait, where are we even supposed to begin? Nightmare Moon banished me from the palace! She’ll kill me if I show up there!”

“Nah-ah, don’t you worry about that,” you slyly wink. “Let’s just say I’ve got some pull over who gets wasted if a pony makes it onto Nightmare Moon’s shit list. I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine.” You take a moment to nurse a particularly sore spot on your side that just decided to flare up with pain. “Plus,” you seethe, “she owes me a favour, too.”

Giving you a glare that suggests that she’s not entirely convinced that you’ll be able to protect her from Luna’s wrath, Twilight nevertheless agrees to go along with you and says her goodbye to Spike, telling him where she’s going and instructing him not to open the door for strangers. She follows you out, and the both of you make your way back to Canterlot Palace.

It would be a bit of a crap shoot, but if your recent experiences with the Moony were anything to go by, it’s that she’s actually a lot softer than she lets on. She’ll probably throw a bit of a shitfit when she sees who you brought with you, but you’ve stopped her from killing Twilight once before, you could do it a second time. Probably. Actually, nah, you’re absolutely sure of it. Just as sure as you are that those shadows in the corner of your vision didn’t just disappear as you crossed the street.

Probably.

*~*~*~*

Author's Note

So after much delay, here it is. If you're wondering what took so long, I'd say that 95% percent of it was caused by laziness/writer's block and the other 5% was caused by "where the hell am I actually going with this"

You see, I have a skeleton plot in my head, but I got caught in the debate of "are the readers going to get pissed off at me if I try adding a bit more 'story' into this 'porn story'?" and "how can I have events go on while not losing focus of the porn aspect, since that's what this really is at the end of the day?"

I really don't know how this will be received, so one way or another, this will be a learning experience.