Nightmare Moon is a Fucking Bitch

Upon entering, you look towards the skylights. The moon's soft glow shines through several of the windows facing towards it, sending several pillars of light at different angles directly into the center of the room. Front and center of the throne. That's where the mare stands with her back to you. She stands still as a statue, though judging by her posture, she looks to be completely calm. As the captain mentioned, she is surrounded by a formation of Lunar Honour Guards. Half a dozen wield highly decorated, but still very sharp-looking halberds, and the the other half-dozen are unicorns, magically aiming military crossbows, weapons newly imported from the Minotaur lands as part of Luna's recent increase in military funding.

You really had to give it to this mare for staying so collected with all of these weapons being pointed at her, though you can't actually tell who she is, since she's wearing a pretty big, hooded coat. It's likely concealing whatever bomb she's got under there. All you can make out is her purple limbs.

Nightmare Moon silently raises a hoof, wordlessly ordering Captain Sky to wait by the door. With nothing else, you and her quietly begin to circle around the mare and arcs of fire, ready to look this problem in the eye. With each footfall, the two of you round closer and closer to your respective seats where Luna rules the kingdom. The entire time, your eyes locked on this mystery mare, trying to figure out who this is. Finally, you and Luna stand at the front of the room.

Squinting, you think you can see who's behind that hood, even before a purple hoof moves upwards to pull it back. "...Twilight?"

The unicorn's unmistakable face appears, adorned with a frustrated frown. "Wait, who are YOU?!" She seethes, like she's tired of being jerked around. Which she probably has been in a situation like this.

The question is innocent enough, even though you're positive that you met before back when you first helped Nightmare Moon retrieve the Elements of Harmony. You open your mouth to introduce yourself, but you are cut off by Twilight, who isn't even looking at you, but to the mare beside you. "I said I wanted to speak to Nightmare Moon! Who are you supposed to be?!"

Oh, right. It seems you've forgotten that you changed history by playing your little part when you got here. The dark blue alicorn next to you is an unknown to everyone but you.

For her part, Nightmare Moon angrily groans. "Oh, for the love of-..."

She ignites her horn, and as a bright glow begins to form at the tip, she throws her head back. From thin air, clouds of pure darkness begin to form and circle around Luna. More and more materialize until she is completely enveloped, a sphere of dark magic cocooning her. It isn't long before the dark energy begins to glow into a bright purple, forcing everyone in the room to look away. You're not exactly a fan of the cornea-incinerating experience of watching Luna's mask-up/mask-down process, and quickly throw a hand up to shield your eyes. You learned your lesson the first time.

After a moment, the bright violet ball of magic dissipates in a spectacular light show. Standing before everyone in the room is the infamous form of Nightmare Moon that the population of Equestria has come to know and love.

And by 'know and love', you mean 'fear and loathe'.

Her transformation now complete, the great black alicorn of the stars and the moon opens her eyes, batting those nice purple eyelashes just a bit. Her dangerous, glowing cyan eyes and slitted pupils offer an aura of intimidation which you think will be useful when dealing with a potential mad bomber.

You kind of expected her to break out into a wicked, evil grin like she normally does, maybe bust out that stupid, cartoony evil laugh that you tell her she needs to stop doing... but she's not having it.

Instead, her mouth forms a rather nasty snarl, fangs and all. "Thou has wasted enough of Our time, irksome harlot of Our sister! Thou shall truthfully explain thy purpose for disturbing Us from Our personal time at once!"

You see the slightest crack in Twilight's cold, confident face as the Queen of Darkness herself demands her for answers. Though maybe she was just slightly taken aback for being called Celestia's whore. Nevertheless, she brushes the comment off, and takes a step forward.

"Nightmare Moon... I have a bomb." Twilight's horn lights up, and the coat she wears comes off and is discarded to the ceramic tile floor. Wrapped around her barrel appears to be a body belt of sorts. Attached all along it are cylindrical tubes, which you can only assume are what contain the explosive agents. Another part of the belt then wraps around her front, to which an alarm clock sits attached upon her chest.

An alarm clock.

What.

"My demands are simple, Nightmare!" The very brave or retarded unicorn shouts. "Either you bring back Celestia, give up your crown, and face punishment for what you've done, or I'll make you face punishment myself!" Her hoof idly moves to her chest to highlight what she meant by that last point.

All falls silent in the Queen's throne room, and you're sure that you saw a couple of those halberds waver a bit when Twilight made that big reveal

But something's not right. You're trying to put your finger on it, but...

The train of thought you were riding is derailed by Moony's hearty laugh. Ahah, there it is. You'd tell her to stop doing that, but now's not a very good time. She levels her incredibly evil grin at Twilight. "Do you really think you can hurt US? With a crude, home-made explosive device? Perhaps your defeat in the Everfree has caused you to lose your mind, young one. We have countless shield spells to protect against whatever pathetic blast you conjure."

Twilight doesn't seem perturbed. "Oh yeah?" She quips. "Does he?" She nods towards you. Oh.

Shit. You just totally played into her hoof by being in this room, didn't you?

"And ah, word to the wise, Mr. Green Man... if you try to make a break for it... Boom." She pantomimes the image of an explosion. Cute.

Nightmare doesn't seem to think so, though. That confident smile of hers has been cleanly wiped. "You... You DARE try to use Anonymous against Us?"

Now it's Twilight's turn to wear the shit-eating grin. "I dare. And I'm not 'trying', I have. How quickly do you think you can throw up a shield spell at any moment? Can you do it in a split second? I know you couldn't care less about the soldiers in this room, but how much is he worth to you?"

You have to admit, she nailed that line pretty good. Though you might be a little personally biased, you'd like to think you're worth a lot to Luna, now more than ever. Worth enough to bother saving from being vaporized, at the very least, but you're easygoing. There's still some time to work your way up from there.

You were gonna make an appeal to your girlfriend about how you're worth keeping around, but from where you're standing, it looks like she's having some tunnel vision. "You... DARE..."

Her horn lights up, and one of the unicorns off to the side has his crossbow ripped away from his telekinetic grip with a resounding "Hey!"

The locked, loaded, and ready-to-fire weapon levitates squarely in front of Luna, and aims directly at Twilight's face.

"HAHAHA! Oh dear, very well done, little Twilight Sparkle! We have heard you out, and you have made a very credible threat against Us and our beloved. We are sorry to say that We are simply going to take that chance and kill you now. Farewell!"

Twilight takes an instinctive step back, but otherwise retains her hardened look. With her entire life resting on a 6 pound trigger pull, she still holds strong. Damn, she's got gigantic purple balls. "I-I wouldn't! I've enchanted this thing with a dead-mare switch! If I die, this th-"

"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF CARING?!"

No, It really didn't.

Idly, you reach your arm out and jerk the crossbow up as Luna fires, discharging a bolt through one of the stained-glass windows. Twilight flinches, but recovers quickly when she realized she's still alive. Luna looks to you as though you had just broken her beloved moon, and is about to rip you in half, vertically.

You'll explain the method to your madness, though. "That's not a real bomb."

Twilight freezes stone cold. "W-what are you- Don't test me! Bring Celestia back, or everyone dies!"

Yeah, you're not buying this. Nightmare's expression morphs, with magical grip still firm around the crossbow and taking aim at Twilight once again, as she now tries to figure out what psychoactive drugs you've taken. You were uncertain before, but you're absolutely convinced, now. "No, Twilight." You calmly say. "That's not really an explosive vest you're wearing." Without even thinking, you descend the steps of the throne and walk over towards the now terrified purple unicorn.

"S-stay back! I'll... I'll-!!"

You ignore her as you approach closer. She tries to scamper backwards to get away from you, but a couple of halberd soldiers move in from her 3 and 9 positions to block her escape. She's all yours, now.

Squatting down to her level, you get a better look at the get-up she's wearing. Holy shit, you can't believe what you're seeing.

You reach forward, and rip off the first piece of this incredibly simplistic puzzle. A quick inspection reveals the obvious. "This isn't a bomb, this is a clock," you deadpan.

She stares in horror at the shiny brass alarm clock that you've just removed from her. "N-no! It's not a clock, it's a bomb! I'll make it explode! REALLY!" And that's where it all unravels.

"AHA!" You stand back up and point an accusatory finger at her. "THIS is not supposed to be the bomb! THIS is not what's supposed to blow up! The explosive compound is supposed to be in those tubes wrapped around you!"

Speaking of which, those things look a little flimsy. Discarding the phoney bomb timer, you reach over and pluck one of the tubes off of Twilight's vest. You play around with it a little in your hand. "Are these... cardboard toilet paper rolls spray-painted black?"

The fear in the air is palpable as she swallows hard. She has no answer for you. You let out a sigh and roll your eyes. "Yeah, okay, Clock Girl, I've seen enough."

Turning back to Nightmare, you throw your arms up in an exaggerated shrug. "It's a fake. She's not hurting anyone."

Her weapon droops slightly as Queen Moon stares blankly, dumbfounded at this revelation. For a moment, she looks like she's struggling to decide whether to laugh or scream in rage at this ridiculous waste of time.

"You threaten to blow Us up- Blow Our Anonymous up... and it is all merely a ruse..." Suddenly, her weapon perks up again, pointed in your direction. "While We are glad to hear that your threats were simply nothing more than venomous words, We have decided to execute you now. Anonymous, please step aside."

Whoa, hold the phones. Normally, you had no problem with Nightmare Moon going about her executions like it was just another day at the office, but this is Twilight we're talking about here. You would feel pretty bad to see her get killed over a half-assed bomb threat, likely planned entirely during her little arts and crafts project.

"Hey, come on, put the crossbow down for a second. I'm not so sure she needs to die, here..."

Nightmare glares at you, but holds firm. "She barges into OUR palace claiming to have an explosive device attached to her, and you think she is not prepared for death? Did she honestly expect to be walking out of this room alive with her demands met?!"

"But it wasn't even a real bomb! She probably commissioned a fucking kindergarten kid to make for her during art time or something!"

Nightmare seethes, unsatisfied. "If she is willing to make such threats, then she had better have the means to actually CARRY THEM OUT! Now because of her actions, We shall gut her alive, and see that her innards are spread across a concrete slab to pecked apart by the Harpy birds of Northern Evershire!" Her wicked, evil grin forms at this last part.

The room falls silent, all the guards glance at each other in confusion. Nightmare notices this, adding her own look to match. "What...? Aren't you all familiar with 'Birding'? T'was a delightful execution method involving a common household spice that..." Still nothing, "...sent a strong message to...-" Her face hardens.

Another moment of awkward silence passes before one of the unicorn guards, the one who had his weapon snatched, speaks up. "Uhm, Y-Your Royal Highness... The Northern Harpy was officially declared extinct about a hundred years ago. They were put on an endangered species list and what few birds were still left were put into a conservation until their numbers picked back up, but... it just didn't happen, Your Highness. They're all gone now."

The nervous guard hangs his head low, for fear of losing it. Moony frowns harder before addressing everyone in attendance. "Alright, you inbred mongoloids, We have been banished for a thousand years. You must tell Us these kinds of things!" Every Lunar Guard in the room shuffled on their hooves awkwardly, looking around, trying to avoid eye-contact with the horribly time-displaced ruler. "Honestly, throw Us a carrot, here!" Nightmare huffs. "Next you will tell Us that the beloved tradition of Prima Nocta has been abandoned, and that We are no longer allowed to take any recently wed mare or stallion to bring to Our bedchambers and ravag-"

The poor soldier pony once again brings the out-of-touch Queen into the present time period with an awkwardly forced cough. Nightmare Moon looks to everyone in the room with a mixture of disgust and rage, her magic hovering dangerously around her crossbow's trigger. "Oh DAMNATION! What kind of time period is this?! Alright, that's it! All of you, GET OUT! Your Queen orders you to find a pony to fornicate with within the next hour. Fail to do so, and you shall be dishonourably discharged from Our service! Now begone!"

The Lunar Guards are taken aback by their sudden shift in orders, but nevertheless, all of them hastily shuffle out the throne room door, passing an extremely bewildered Captain Sky.

"Except for you!" Nightmare shouts, pointing squarely at the particularly unlucky, weapon-stripped stallion. "You shall wait right over there. We are not finished with you..." She growls menacingly, bringing her pointing hoof over to a spartan corner of the throne room.

The soldier gulps fearfully before quickly making his way to where he has been commanded.

You shake your head a little at what just happened, but you hold your position between the weapon and its target. You look down to Twilight and see she's shaking like a leaf. Yeah, you could tell that she didn't really want to go through with this. How desperate could she have been to "take on" Nightmare Moon in this way? Was she all out of ideas?

"Twilight..." you sigh. "Why would you risk your life on such a stupid plan like this? C'mon, you couldn't have actually expected this to work..."

She frowns at you, but her voice is wobbly. "W-well, I had to try SOMETHING! Anything to stop Nightmare Moon! I knew she had a soft spot for you, so I thought I could use that against her..."

You had to admit, that's probably the best way to get at Luna. She was a hardened target. You, on the other hand, were pretty soft. If you were in her hooves, the one to target between You or Nightmare would be pretty obvious. "Okay, I'll give you props for knowing who to go for, but... like THIS? Come on, Twilight, you're smarter than that."

"I've never tried my hoof at carrying out a bombing, let alone a suicide one, alright?! I-It wasn't supposed to happen like this..." Her head slumps in depression, and you can't help but feel bad for her, even if her scheme did happen to involve targeting you. "We were supposed to find the Elements of Harmony, stop Nightmare Moon, and save Equestria..."

A sharp "HA!" booms from behind you. "'Save Equestria'? From whom? We? Does Equestria currently suffer under Our rule?"

Twilight frowns, glaring past you to Nightmare. "Yes, YOU! You banished Celestia! You're evil, and you want to cover Equestria in eternal night!" It sounds like this little pony knows what side her bread is buttered on. Kind of like you, you suppose.

"Which why the We now allow the sun to rise once again, hmm? Because We are an 'evil' queen who wishes to oppress Our ponies with eternal night? Perhaps place all of Equestria under martial law, with banners of Our image plastered everywhere as Our soldiers arrest any pony for daring to so much as speak ill of Our rule?" She gives a mock gasp, putting a hoof to her cheek in surprise. "Oh! Perish that thought, We have forgotten that ponies slander Our name and carry on unpunished on a nightly basis. We should surely do something about that..."

Twilight's expression breaks for a moment, there. Nightmare Moon kinda had a point. The 'eternal night' thing was pretty short-lived, and you had managed to convince her to bring back the sun, just so she could have ponies to actually rule over, if nothing else. While she definitely, without a doubt carries out many more executions than Celestia ever did, to be fair, the ponies she executes were rapists, or murderers, or ponies that tried to kill her or you... Nightmare had always told you that the most satisfying part of justice was the deliverance.

"I-I don't know why you gave up on that part of your plan, but... you're still evil! You're not fooling me! You think you're good, but you're not! You tried to bring eternal night a thousand years ago, and Celestia stopped you!"

Celestia and what happened a thousand years ago were obviously still very sore subjects for Nightmare, as you could tell by that fierce snarl on her face. "And WHERE, pray tell, did you learn so much about Us that makes you think that you have Our entire being figured out?"

Twilight swallows, but tries to remain confident. "It was where I learned about the prophecy of your return. It was a book-"

"'A book' she says!" Nightmare loudly interrupts, with a look of contempt on her face as she recoils in disgust. "And when was this book written? Hmm? Was it perhaps after Our banishment by the hooves of Our sister? If We may be so bold to presume, did this book you read profess that We carried out Our rebellion against Our sister merely because ponies slept through Our night?"

Twilight's thought process seems to hit a bit of a snag. "Yes, but-"

But Nightmare isn't through, yet. "And was this the ONLY book you could find that references Our existence?"

"I tried looking some more, but I couldn't find-"

"Because perhaps Our sister, being the victor of our squabble a thousand years ago, decided to write history in her favour? Didst thou consider that possibility?"

Purple book horse is not having any of that. "Celestia would never do something like that...! Or... W-well, maybe what was in that book is all anyone needs to know about you! You're a childish, selfish mare who doesn't deserve to rule Equestria! Everyone loved Celestia because she was kind and caring! You're a bitter, evil mare who kills ponies! Maybe I couldn't find anything more about you because Celestia decided that you're a stain on Equestria's history that needs to be forgotten!"

It's right around now that you're regretting standing where you are. The room is dead silent, and the only thing standing between Twilight and a magazine-fed, high capacity crossbow is you. On one hand, you're kind of pissed at Twilight for taking such a low blow on Luna like that.

On the other hand, who has Twilight lost because of Luna's takeover? Celestia meant a lot to her, and you sure-as-shit would be threatening to bomb Celestia to the stone age if the positions were switched.

And on the third hand... You really don't want to be a friendly fire statistic while being made into a human pin-cushion by a trigger-happy Moony. Looking over, she appears to be stone-still, however. Luna's face is unreadable, but her crossbow sure as fuck is.

"Hey... You're wrong about her." You state plainly to the failed terrorist.

Twilight, emboldened by the emotional hit she scored on Luna, raises an eyebrow at you. "Oh, am I? If anything, what she did after taking control of Equestria validates what I know about her to the point! She's a walking stereotype, a classic boogeymare out of a foal's story, and that tells me everything I need to know about her!" What a cocky little pony she turns into when she thinks she's right.

"So... what's her real name, then?"

Silence.

Twilight wears her little shit-eating grin, before blinking. "I'm sorry, what? Her real name? Uh, Nightmare Moon? What are you-"

"No no, before that. If you're so sure that you know everything you need to know about her, then what's her real name? She wasn't always known as Nightmare Moon. As you undoubtedly know, she's had an entire life that she's lived, full of hopes and dreams. What was her name before she took on that title? Back when she was known as Celestia's sister?"

"Ah-..."

You glance over to your girlfriend, and see that she is also interested in the answer Twilight will give. She patiently sits there, waiting expectantly for the answer to come.

Twilight stammers a bit more, scratching her head to come up with an answer. "Uhhhm... Princess... M-Moon...ia?"

Damn, so close.

"Get out."

The words are not screamed or shouted, just plainly ordered. The crossbow that was being pointed at you and Twilight drops to the floor as Nightmare Moon hangs her head in disappointment. Her hoof extends, pointing towards the door.

Twilight stares blankly, dumbfounded. "Wha-?"

"We order thee to GET OUT. Leave Our palace and never return, Twilight Sparkle." She doesn't even lift her head, she speaks towards the floor.

Looking at Twilight, though, her face is a lot more animated. She seems to be kind of shocked that she's being allowed to live, especially after giving what was clearly the wrong answer.

She stumbles a little on her way towards the exit, before looking back to the queen. Nightmare Moon is a statue, slumped over, face pointed squarely towards the floor. She says nothing, and no one, not even you, can tell whether she is enraged, anguished, or simply annoyed. Twilight then looks to you, conflicted. You, the guy who had helped 'doom' Equestria, had just saved her.

And on the other side of it, you had just saved the mare who'd have no problem removing you to 'save' Equestria. Maybe it's because you know she's a good pony, and she's doing what she thinks is right. Just like you did what you thought was right, even though you were the bad guy to Twilight and the rest of Equestria. What a mess...

Without another word, Twilight scampers out of the throne room.

You decide it would be best to go check up on Luna.

As you approach, she finally snaps out of her catatonic state. She doesn't seem too pleased. "You should have let Us kill that worthless whore, Anonymous..."

You give her a chastising look, folding your arms. "Save the executions for the ponies who deserve it, alright? Twilight is a good pony who doesn't deserve it. You're just getting grumpy and want to kill any pony who pisses you off. Kill with your head, not with your heart."

She snarls at your implication that she's lost control over her emotions. "She threatened Us! If she sai-"

"So what? If I say I'm going to blow up the moon, are you going to shoot me for making the threat, even if it turns out my bomb is just a shitty alarm clock? You just don't like her, and you're looking for an excuse to kill her, Moony."

Looking away from you, she grumbles in frustration. She knows that you're right, she just doesn't want to admit it.

From the corner of your eye, the unarmed guard from earlier once again draws your attention. "U-uh, Y-your Highness... I'm so sorry to b-bring this up, but... Y-you should know that... There seems to be... You appear to be uh..." His normally grey face is beet-red as he looks to the floor just behind Nightmare.

You follow his gaze to a small puddle of white, right beneath the queen.

Oh shit.

You kinda thought your cum would just... disappear when Luna changed back into her other form. Apparently she thought that as well. Turns out it didn't. Huh... You learn something new every day.

Luna's face twists with rage as she once again seizes the crossbow she had previously discarded. "Yes, guard? Tell us what We 'appear to be.'" Nightmare menacingly brings the weapon towards her and the terrified guard, checking the magazine and casually sweeping it by him with her magical grip around the trigger.

The guard isn't saying anything other than some incoherent stammers, but you could hardly blame him. There really was no way to tactfully tell a short-tempered queen of the night that she was unknowingly leaking the jizz of her lover whom she had just finished having sex with twenty minutes ago.

Sighing and rolling your eyes, you snatch the weapon out of Moony's grip before shoving it into the chest of its rightful owner, prompting him to take ahold of it once more before slinking away back to his corner.

Turning back to Nightmare, you hope you could get her to listen to reason. "Listen, Twilight is a good pony, and she's just really, really hurt by what we did to her. I think it would do us some good to at least try to make peace with her."

Annoyed at your persistent tolerance towards the student of her enemy, Luna growls. "And how would you know if she is a good pony or not? You are just as much a stranger to this current Equestria as We are!"

Giving the same answer you always give when you reveal that you know more about Equestria than you let on, you bring up your hands and wiggle your fingers in a twinkling motion. "Oracle powers," you say simply.

"Bah! Damn your mystical, yet also surprisingly unhelpful insight!" Nightmare grumbles. Yeah, it was pretty unhelpful now that the future of Equestria has been changed, but it still had its uses here and there.

"C'mon, you of all ponies should know what it's like to be wronged and feeling powerless to make things right. Twilight is basically YOU right now."

She rolls her eyes at this and scoffs. "Oh please, the two of us are hardly comparable in this instance."

Reaching out, you give an endearing little rub on the side of her neck. "Well, from the perspective of an outsider looking in, there's some shocking similarities. Hell, you just stopped her from getting the thing she wanted, and banished her from this palace!"

She gives an unconvinced, half-lidded stare at you. "It sounds like you are grasping at straws, Anonymous."

Yeah, alright, she got you there. That was a pretty shitty comparison. "Well, whatever, I think it would do you some good to try to patch things up with Twilight. Celestia meant a lot to her, and even if it wasn't your intention to hurt Twilight specifically, she was nevertheless some collateral damage during the takeover."

Nightmare looks away, but says nothing. She knows where you're going with this, you can tell. "I know you're not a bad pony, but how about being the bigger mare and convincing her that you're not such a bad pony? If she doesn't wanna accept it, then fine, but at least you could say you tried."

She remains silent, pondering this. Then, she looks up, eyes unsure. "Anonymous, We do not think We-"

"Too late! I'm already heading out to go talk to Twilight! Be back soon!"

Before she can even react, you pat her on the helmet before running out the door to try to catch up to Twilight. This is one of those things that neither of them would likely want to do, but NOT doing it wouldn't be healthy for either of them. Maybe if you could get a non-hostile dialogue going between them, they could air out their feelings, and the process of healing and understanding could happen. God knows both of them are in some desperate need of that.

...Plus, you should probably get some distance from Luna for making her leak your cum like that. She already beat the shit out of you, and you have no interest in being torn a second anus.

Sweet mother of Christ, you're going to have one hell of a time trying to convince a third pony to jump into bed with her...

*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*

Putting yourself into fast motion, you dodge several guards and weekend palace workers during your sprint to the front entrance. Some of the guards glanced attentively at you, likely discerning your sudden haste as a reaction to some security concern. You had stopped for only a split second to question a Lunar trooper standing sentry if he had seen a purple unicorn walk by, to which he unhelpfully replied that she had exited the palace, into the non-specific direction of Canterlot. Putting your ass in gear, you rush out the front gate before she has a chance to get too far away.

The night sky shimmers with a thousand tiny twinkles on this seemingly moonless night. You weren't paying attention to the schedule, but judging by the dark, circular outline in the night sky, it looks like tonight is a lunar eclipse. Huh... You wonder if Nightmare has anything to do with that, or if it's just pure coincidence of the lunar cycle.

Getting back to the task at hand, you come to a stop outside of the palace and scan your surroundings. At first thought, the idea of locating a pony at night time might seem a daunting task, luckily, the city was well-illuminated during the night, with rows of magic-powered street lamps aiding the visibility of those unfortunate enough to not be born with the enhanced night vision that Luna and her cursed guard ponies possessed.

Thankfully, Twilight's coat was a pretty vivid color, which would make her easy to spot... were it not for all these other candy-coloured ponies walking the streets, as well. It probably shouldn't have come as a surprise, but it looked like some of the population of Canterlot was starting to adapt to the Queen's schedule. Since government-related functions now operated almost exclusively at night, it seems like some businesses and ponies have begun to follow suit. The night crowd is no longer just the party-goers looking to get hammered at the nightclubs, but now government workers and anyone else on the night schedule who needed to shop for groceries or mail a parcel or visit the bank. It was kinda surreal how the nighttime city was almost in no way different from the daytime one, but that made your current objective that much harder to find...

Making your way down the only street leading to and from the palace, you scan the crowd for the failed suicide bomber. Your presence in town draws a few glances from the populace, both worried ones and curious ones. You didn't leave the palace often, and as the 2nd-in-Command to Queen Nightmare Moon, you must obviously be out amongst the ponies for a reason, and whether that reason be sinister or not, that was entirely up to their imaginations.

Continuing your brisk pace down the street, you keep your head on a swivel, looking out for... THERE. You spot that familiar shade of lavender. "Hey! Twilight!"

Having finally caught up to her, she spins around to see who was calling her name. When she looks up to see your face, she appears to be less than happy to see you. "Oh, it's you... What do you want?"

Wow, that's a hell of a question. 'The Things That I Want': by Anonymous. A smoke, some rum. For the moon to shine. To sleep and forget your old world, your old life. Unlimited ammo and a license to kill.

...But in reality, you already had pretty much all of that, so you'd have to drum up a new list one of these nights. "I just want to talk to you, that's all." You say simply.

That look of mild disgust on her face is indicative that she's not pleased with that response. "Please take this personally, Anonymous, but you are the second-last one that I want to speak to right now. If that's all-"

You understand that she's pretty unhappy, given her current circumstances and what just happened, but still... Now she's just being a bigger cunt than she has any right to be. "You know, that's a pretty ungrateful attitude to have towards the guy who just saved your ass from execution on terrorism and attempted regicide charges."

This shuts her up as your words sink in. She frowns, unwilling to accept that she owes you one. "Oh please, don't act like you called your mistress off out of the kindness of your heart! There was obviously a reason that you did that."

For a smart pony, she could sure be pretty dumb. You choose to believe that she's just that determined to view you through 'bad guy' goggles. "And what reason could that be, you stupid nerd horse? What reason could I possibly have to let you, the most dangerous enemy to Nightmare Moon and I, just walk free? The smart thing for me to do would have been to just let Nightmare kill you, or at the very least, imprison you so you don't go around stirring the 'rebellion' pot with that magical affinity of yours. But no, I felt that would be wrong and unfair to you, so yeah, I sorta did save you out of the kindness of my heart!"

She's silent, but she still isn't relenting with that angry scrunch on her face. Try as she might, she's really in no position to deny that you have some leverage over her right now.

You fold your arms, unperturbed. "I could always go back and tell Nightmare Moon to go ahead and issue that kill order if you really didn't care that much for my help. OR, how about this? I assign a Lunar hit squad to track down your AWOL brother, the former Royal Guard captain, and let him suffer your sentence?"

Her eyes go as wide saucers. "Y-you wouldn't!"

"Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't. I'd hate to see such a handsome stallion meet his end to a firing squad like that... Still, I could probably get some other nasty shit happen to your family, instead. Maybe get Nightmare to put a deportation order on all dragons. How do you think Spike would like that?"

She takes a step back in horror, mouth agape and eyes full of fear. "N-no! W-what do you want from me?!"

You try to correct your posture and stance to look as non-threatening as possible. You may have overdone it with the intimidation factor, but sometimes it's the only way to get people or ponies to listen to you and not brush you away.

"I told you, I just want to talk to you," you say truthfully. Looking around, you're now uncomfortably aware of some of the ponies who are staring at the scene you and Twilight are making. "...But this really isn't a dialogue we need to have in public."

Taking a moment to compose herself after that jolt of fear, Twilight sighs. "Where, then?"

You shrug. "Just... not out in the street, someplace we can sit down and have private discussion. Is there a coffee place nearby or something? I could sure go for one."

Twilight stares at the ground briefly, before she sluggishly turn back in the direction she was heading, and gestures for you to follow her. "There's coffee at my place. Let's go."

Invited into the home of the enemy. Nice. Just you being exposed like this out in public was already a massive security nightmare, so why not double down on it? Ah, but you know Twilight. You may not be her favourite person right now, but she's not a conniving, backstabbing bitch. You'll likely be just fine.

"Alright, sounds good," you smile, before looking over to your side. "Just gimme one second..."

Quickly shifting your attention from Twilight, you turn around to face an idle earth pony mare standing at a street crossing. "Hi there, miss, do you know who I am?"

The pony who was minding her own business faces you, slightly confused. Her face scans you up and down as she tries to place a name. "Oh, uh- yeah, you're the Queen's right-hoof guy, Anomaly, right?"

"Close. It's Anonymous, actually. Listen, I know this may seem pretty forward, but would you like to have a threesome with Queen Nightmare Moon and I?"

The mare gives your a deadpan stare, which in itself should have told you wordlessly what the answer to that is. "This isn't 'Magical Porno Land', y'know. Just because you're in a position of power doesn't mean that ponies will automatically be down to fuck you."

Just as you're about to speak, the roadway becomes clear, and the mare crosses the street, away from you. God fucking damn it, this is not turning out like those smutty fanfics like you had hoped. You're offering the chance to get into bed with the QUEEN OF FUCKING EQUESTRIA for fuck's sake! And you don't mean to toot your own horn or anything, but if your penis is good enough for her, then it should be good for any of these sad, pastel-colored chumps.

Do these ponies suffer from low sex drive or something? Maybe you need to spike the city's water supply with aphrodisiacs...

Turning back to Twilight, you apologize for the interruption and urge her to lead on.

*~*~*~*