Epic Rap Battles of Equestria!

Epic Rap Battles of Equestria!

Twilight Sparkle!

vs

Rarity!

Begin!

It's rap battle time! I know that I'm excited

And I've done a lot of research, so I know I'll do this right.

So I'll throw in some more street slang, fo' shizzle mah brother!

And I think somewhere in here I'm supposed to insult your mother

And while I'm at it, I'll poke fun at your mane,

And now I'm supposed to say that all your hobbies are lame

And then I'm supposed to brag and tell you all about myself

Huh... But then I'll sound like Trixie.... Oh well.

I’ve got books for days! I’ve got all the knowledge in the world!

I'm organized, I'm brilliant, so move on over, Starswirl.

When you've got a complex issue, question or conundrum,

Just give me a call—I'll solve it, no problem!

I'm an amazing pony! Just ask Spike or Owlicious,

You can ask any pony, you know I'm Twilightlicious.

Oh, puh-lease, darling, that was so four years ago.

Keep up with the times! You’re like last season’s fashion show!

And Spike is on my side. He’s my little Spikey-Wikey

And you’re going to regret ever coming here to fight me.

You create your own problems, just like you did coming here

I’ll verbally spank you and knock you flat on your rear!

I'm in control of my own destiny, don't even try to talk to me

You fixed one grammar error and now just like that you're princessing?

With one little spell you got those wings upon your back

But there's still quite a few things that for princesses you lack.

You have one hammer: magic; so everything's a nail

Magic can't fix everything, darling; it often fails.

You make mountains out of molehills; you have to play the hero

Or maybe you learned nothing from your lesson zero?

Oh, you're talking to me about a calming scene?

This coming from our resident pony drama queen?

Maybe I'll buy tons of ice cream, downing carton after carton

Or maybe get a fainting couch to throw my sorry flank on?

I think you might be jealous of my brand new wings

Because last time that you had some, you really messed up things.

I didn't hear you complaining when I saved us from the dragons

Or when I cleaned up after your ‘inspired’ heavy wagons.

But when it comes to dragons, you're much worse off than I.

You take advantage of Spike, and you don't have an alibi.

You bat your eyes, pretend to cry, even if it’s nothing major

And to your side he almost flies. Voila! You got free labor!

You know, he really likes you; but you’re nothing but trouble.

Here’s a suggestion: why don’t you knit yourself a muzzle?

Leather doesn’t knit well, darling, surely you know that.

Knitting is for sweaters; crocheting’s where it’s at.

But I’m not surprised you do not get the hobbies of the rest of us

You’re only into books and kissing up to dear Celestia.

She is a great teacher. You? Not so much.

I’ve seen you with Miss Glimmer. You don’t have that magic touch.

You lack trust, darling. It’s really quite depressing.

And you force your views on others; you’re a tiny bit oppressing.

With Celestia as my witness, I’m a little bit concerned;

I don’t think you remember all the lessons you have learned.

I think we’re out of time, please excuse me, I’ll be bouncing.

I believe I’ve just delivered one royal trouncing.

Alternate lines:

You use your magic to help, but you only make things worse.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say your magic was a curse.

You need to learn to let your students make their own mistakes

You’ll forgive my bluntness: you don’t have what it takes.