Anon woke up the next day to the feeling of burning skin. “Will someone please close the curtains?”

“Okay!”

The burning left as the room was engulfed in darkness, taking Anon back to the realm of dreams. “Thanks,” he murmured.

“...”

“...”

Cracking an eye open, he saw a big, blue eye staring back at him. “Good morning, Anon,” Pinkie said cheerfully.

“...I’ve woken up with weirder things in my bed.” Saying that, Anon got out of bed. Just as he was halfway through stretching his back, he saw the other addition to the room. “Twilight? What are you doing here?”

Twilight was hiding behind a bush, wearing a safari hat with a notepad floating next to her. “Oh don’t mind me Anon. I’m just observing your morning ritual. So far, it’s similar to the average stallion, down to the nocturnal penile tumescence.”

“Penile?” Looking down, he noticed two things. First, the translating ruby was taped to his right nipple. Second, the wood of morning was active.

“Whoa, hey now!” He pulled the cover off the bed and wrapped himself in it. “Why am I naked?!”

“Isn’t that part of your sleeping habit?” Twilight asked, taking notes at the same time.

“No! I don’t even remember getting in bed.”

“Ah, yes. Princess Luna mentioned you fainted last night due to magic overload, or I would have observed your sleeping ritual too.” Turning to face Pinkie, she asked, “Pinkie, you were here before me. Do you know why Anon is naked?”

“Nope.”

“Whatever, I need to use the bathroom.” Anon said, giving up talking sense into these crazy ponies.

Taking one step toward what he thought was the bathroom, Anon stopped when he heard shuffling and scratching coming from behind him. Looking back, he took another step forward. The fake bush followed him, and more scratching came from behind it.

Taking a deep breath, Anon said, “Twilight, I don’t mind you examining me. Hell, I kind of want to examine you guys, too. But the fact that you’re doing it behind a cardboard cutout of a bush is kind of insulting to my powers of observation.”

“But I don’t want to disturb your morning ritual,” Twilight said as she poked her head out from behind the bush. “I want to know what your species normally does. ”

“I woke up with a horse-”

“Pony.” Pinkie corrected him.

“-pony in my bed, and with you watching me sleep, I’m already deeply disturbed.”

“But I have this bush. You won’t even notice me. And I’ve only just arrived here half an hour ago. Pinkie was already in your bed when I entered,” Twilight said with a frown.

Looking at the sun just above the horizon, then at Pinkie who was still in bed waving at him, Anon let out a long sigh. ‘It’s too early for me to be dealing with this shit.’

“Twilight,” Anon said with the kindest smile on his face, “we are in a bedroom.”

Giving him a deadpan, she replied, “Anon, I’m not stupid. I know-”

Holding up his hand to silence her, he continued, “We, are in a bedroom, and you are hiding behind a bush.”

“And I told you, it’s so I… won’t...” Twilight trailed off, eyes widening in realization. With a flash and pop, the bush was replaced by a cardboard cutout of a bookshelf with two eye-holes cut into it. Twilight’s muffled voice came from behind it, “Thank you, Anon, for pointing out my error. Now you can keep on doing whatever you were doing.”

Giving up on making sense with these ponies, Anon walked to where he thought the bathroom was.

“Anon, where are you going?” Pinkie asked.

“To take a shower. I just woke up and I feel sticky. I must have sweated a lot last night.” He lifted his arm to take a sniff. “Yeah, I totally stink of… candy?”

He looked at Pinkie, who was now sucking on a lollipop. “Pinkie?”

“Yes, Anon?”

“Twilight mentioned that you were in here before her. Do you know why I’m sticky?”

“Yup.”

“...Do you have anything to do with me smelling like candy?”

“Maybe~.”

“...Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

“Twilight,” Anon said, not taking his eyes off Pinkie, “is there anyway I could stop Pinkie from getting too close to me? She’s scaring me.”

Silence.

Anon never thought a bookshelf could look nervous, but this fake bookshelf was doing a good job pulling it off. “Twilight?”

“Anon. You do not want to make Pinkie unhappy,” he heard Twilight whisper from behind the bookshelf.

“What? But-”

“Anon...” Pinkie’s voice came from the bed. Turning he saw Pinkie sitting on the bed, but something was off. It must be the light playing tricks on his eyes, for her coat was a darker shade of pink and her mane seemed to be less fluffy for some reason. “Anon, don’t you want to be my friend?”

“I...” Looking back at Twilight for help, he got nothing but a cardboard cutout. Then he realized that everything had gone silent, Twilight’s constant scribbling had stopped, even the birds stopped chirping outside. ‘Oh god. This isn’t right; this is just like those fucking horror films.’ For every second that passed, Pinkies coat got a little bit darker while her mane got straighter.

“Er...” The moment Anon opened his mouth, all the changes stopped. “No, Pinkie. I, um, super want to be your friend?”

“But you said you didn’t want me near you.”

“I, because I can’t take too much cuteness?” Anon asked more than said.

“And you said I scared you.”

“I like being scared?”

*Sniff* “Really?”

“Yeah, totally,” he said. ‘That’s right Anon, keep the creepy pony happy.’

“Really really?”

“Really really really,” Anon said, flashing his prize-winning smile.

“Yay!” And Pinkie exploded with a puff of confetti. All the color coming back, maybe even brighter, her mane curled back with full force and all the sound came back. Anon was pretty sure the whole world sighed with relief when that happened, but that could have just been his imagination.

“Ah!!” Anon had barely enough time to raise his arms as Pinkie jumped towards him, wrapping her legs around him. Placing his hand on her head stopping her from nuzzling him. “Get off me! Twilight, help!!”

“... subject is capable of holding heavy objects without falling over while maintaining perfect bipedal balance...”

They kept struggling, Pinkie trying to nuzzle him and Anon trying to stop her. “Just accept my friendship, Anon.” He was about to give up when Pinkie decided to be weird and stuck her tongue out to lick at Anon’s hand.

“Nope.” Anon didn’t care if he was going to be naked anymore. Using the sheets around him, he tied Pinkie up like a hog. ‘Man, I knew joining the boy scouts would help me one day.’

“...subject has a clear knowledge of bondage. Even though his penile has shrunk, it is still visible. Inability to hide it? Can’t see a sheath, or maybe this is part of their mating ritual... ”

Anon gave zero fucks about what Twilight was saying as he walked to the bathroom. The bookshelf tried to follow him, but he slammed the door in its face.

The first thought that came to Anon was how unnecessarily big and awesome the bathroom was. He could fit his old flat in this bathroom, and there’d still be some free space. There was a huge fancy sink, a body-size mirror, cupboard full of towels and a shower, but the most impressing of them all had to be the huge sunken bathtub, almost like a personal swimming pool. The bath was already filled with clean water, dipping his hand in the water he confirmed the water to be cold, ice cold in fact.

Searching for the tap, he only saw a knob at the side of the pool. Looking at it carefully he noticed the knob glowing a dim blue. Turning it, the color changed from blue to green, yellow, orange than red but there wasn’t any water outlet. Dipping his hand back into the water, he had to stifle a scream as the heat burned his hand.

“No way...”

Turning the knob to blue Anon dipped his hand in the water again, ice cold. This time, keeping his hand in, he slowly turned the knob to orange; the water became hotter the more he turned the knob.

“Fucking magical horses...” Anon whispered as his gazed at the bath in wonderment.

Looking around, he tried to see what other stuff the bathroom had. Then his eyes landed on…

“So, we meet again,” Anon said in a grave voice. “Even in a different world, I still can’t get away from you, can I, squat toilet.”

*********************************************

Celestia’s eyes fluttered open to the chirping birds and gentle sunlight. Yawning and stretching, Celestia slowly got out of bed with a smile on her face. She hadn’t felt this rested in centuries. She was halfway through stretching when she heard a voice.

“Finally, you’re awake.” Stopping mid-stretch, she turned to see Luna sitting at the desk going through documents.

“Luna? What are you doing here?” Looking out the window, she added, “Did you raise the sun?”

“Tia, you’ve been sleeping for 18 hours. It’s 7 o’çlock in the morning right now,” Luna said without taking her eyes off the papers. “Somepony has to keep this kingdom from falling apart.”

Celestia’s eyes widened in alarm, jumping off the bed. “18 hours? Why was I asleep for 18 hours? How is that possible? Why didn’t you wake me?”

Sighing, Luna looked up to Celestia. “Celestia, you’ve been unconscious ever since the attack-”

“Attack? When? Was anypony hurt? Was it-”

“No, Tia,” Luna said, raising her hoof, “that was a poor use of words on my part. You were… in a position where it seemed as if you were attacked, but turned out to be a misunderstanding, maybe.”

“What? I don’t get your meaning; nopony was hurt?”

“Nay, but I might be doing some hurting later.”

“What?”

“I’ve been debating whether I should keep this from you or not, but keeping you in the dark might not be wise.” With that, she floated a newspaper to her.

“The news? This better not be… ano...ther...”

‘The Day That Never Happened, And None Shall Talk About It Day’ was later followed by ‘International WHAT Day'. For that day, a mysterious ‘what’ boomed from Canterlot across half the continent, causing a sonic boom so epic it could have given the mane six secondary cutie marks. Years later, different nations still celebrated this day in different ways. The griffins would gather and shout at the mountains all day, trying to recreate the echoes. The griffin with the most echoes would be the winner. Legend says the ‘What Echo’ lasted hours. The sea ponies who’d ‘shoo be doo’ would sing the ‘What Song’ on that day to honor the voice that came from the heavens. The buffaloes feasted on this day to celebrate the sound that scared the locusts alway, saving their crop. The deers shat themselves. Anon fell in the toilet.

“What is this? Is this a joke?” Celestia asked angrily after removing Luna’s hoof from her mouth.

“I’m afraid this is not a joke, Tia, but I do have some good news: I’ve temporarily closed the printing agency in time and stopped the news from leaving Canterlot. We’ll be giving a speech at noon to end this all,” Luna said, placing a hoof on Celestia.

“How did this happen?” Celestia whispered, all the anger now gone, staring at the paper in her hooves, then at Luna, “Why don’t I remember any of this?”

“That might be due to the magic and… sexual exhaustion,” Luna said, not looking at Celestia.

“Luna, I need to know everything that happened yesterday,” Celestia said in a deathly, calm voice.

“Well, I don’t know what happened before I arrived, but as for what happened after that...” Luna told Celestia everything she knew, all up to the moment she woke up. Right at the beginning of the story, Celestia buried her face in a summoned pillow. The more Luna talked, the more pillows were summoned. When Luna finished her story, only Celestia’s tail and mane were visible.

“That’s it. I’m ruined. I’ll have to go into hiding until everypony has forgotten I’d even existed. I’ll have to go to the sun or hide in the Everfree. Maybe I can get Twilight to do the banishing this time...”

“Actually,” Luna said, cutting Celestia off from her rambling, “It might not be as bad as you think. Like I said, when I arrived we only saw you, your bodyguards, and this Anon all unconscious on the ground. There wasn’t any evidence that other ponies were present. Right now, ponies believe the ‘Mass Orgy’ was caused by Anon, whom they believe to be a succubus. As long as your bodyguards and we stay silent, and Anon says nothing, you should be fine. I intended to pin this on him anyway; it was his fault. ”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“We’ll be giving a speech today explaining what happened yesterday. It won’t shut the nobles up—nothing can shut them up—but it might quiet them a bit or at least prevent these ridiculous rumors from growing.”

Poking her head out of the pillow pile, Celestia asked, “You mentioned my bodyguards. Where are they now?”

“According to the prison guards, they locked themselves up the moment they woke up and learned what happened to you. They’re not talking nor are they willing to listen to anypony. They're not leaving anytime soon, it seems.”

Sighing, Celestia pulled her hoof through the pillow to smack on her face. “This is the fourth time they’ve done this. I’ll have to talk to them again.”

“I’ll go with you; I have to deal with this ‘Night Glider’ for spreading this.” Right after Luna said that, Celestia’s stomach grumbled loudly, making her dive back in the pillow fortress, “Although, maybe we should have breakfast first. It’s not like they’re going anywhere. And please take a bath. You stink.”

It took Celestia almost an hour to wash the smell of sweat and sex off of her. Luna told her to go on to the dining hall without her, saying she needed to finish going through the papers. Celestia was almost at the doors to the dining hall when she heard voices coming from one of the corners.

“...all the toilets are designed that way.”

“I don’t want to train my legs and balance while taking a shit.”

“I don’t see what the problem is. We do it and it’s fine.”

“I don’t care whether you see it or not. I want a room with a proper toilet.”

“You have a proper toilet.”

“I WANT A BETTER ONE!”

“I’m sorry you fell in the toilet.”

“I didn’t fall in the toilet.”

“But I saw you-”

“YOU SAW NOTHING!!!”

“Ahh!”

“ARRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!”

“What’s going on here?” Celestia said rushing around the corner.

What greeted her was the ninth weirdest creature she’d ever seen in her life. A weird bipedal creature wearing a toga was holding Twilight, shaking and yelling at her. Twilight, on the other hand, was letting herself be shaken around. Her face was red and her tongue was hanging out with her hind legs giving slight twitches.

“Take your claws off her this instant!!”

“Huh?” Twilight and Anon both turned to see a huge white horse with a rainbow mane and tail flowing behind her running at full speed towards them. Skidding to a halt in front of them, Celestia spun around and kicked, her leg grazing Anon, shaving the stubble off his face, and impacting on the wall with a small thunk. Turning their heads, they saw Celestia’s leg perfectly embedded in the wall, like pantyhose on legs. Pulling her leg out, Anon and Twilight could see the perfect hole with no cracks, cut so smooth even the best sculptor would shed tears by how inadequate their craft is.

“Princess Celestia! You’re alright!” Twilight shouted, rushing forward and hugging Celestia, tears running down her cheeks.

“Yes, I’m fine, Twilight, now step back so I can kick it again.”

“Nononononono, don’t.” Twilight quickly stepped between Celestia and Anon. “This is our guest, Anon!”

“Guest? But it was trying to hurt you!”

“We were just having a friendly argument...”

“That looked nothing friendly, Twilight.”

Gesturing Celestia over, Twilight started whispering to her. Meanwhile, Anon just stood completely still, not daring to move a muscle, for his father once taught him to never get involved when women, or in this case female horses, are angry.

After five minutes of whispering both Celestia and Twilight turned to Anon, who tensed up even more. Coughing, Celestia bowed her head slightly to Anon, “I’m terribly sorry about earlier, I could have seriously hurt you.”

‘More like fucking killed me,’ Anon thought while keeping the brightest smile he could muster, although it was a bit shaky. “It’s okay, I understand. And I‘m sorry for whatever happened yesterday; I was super drunk,” he said, sticking his hand out for a handshake.

“Yesterday?” Celestia said, reaching out her right hoof. “What… do… you...”

“Princess?” Anon asked, seeing Celestia’s hoof pausing midway.

“Princess Celestia, are you feeling alright?” asked Twilight as she saw Celestia’s eyes lose focus.

Turning his head to Twilight, Anon asked: “I didn’t do anything offensive, did I?”

“I don’t think so.” She looked to Anon’s outstretched hand. “You’re going for a hoof shake, right?”

Unknown to Anon and Twilight, Celestia was starting to remember everything that happened the day before when she saw Anon reach out with his hand. Everything from the moment he stepped out of the bush to her fainting. His soft touch, rubbing and scratching, rough handling, warm moist mouth, skilled tongue, super suction and his masculine scent. All came crashing back to her.

*Drip* *Drip*

“Princess?” Twilight asked again for Celestia has been standing there staring at Anon, pupils dilated and drooling with her mouth agape. “Princess, are you okay?”

“Twilight, is the princess okay? She seems to be… broken? Oh god, she’s not mad at me for yesterday, is she? I didn’t mean to do whatever I did!” Anon said, now standing behind Twilight, getting ready to shield himself if the black belt horse god decided to kick him again.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen her like this before.” Using her hoof, Twilight gently poked Celestia. “Princess, do you want to lie down?”

Instantly after being poked Celestia’s face became redder than a dying sun, eyes darting back and forth between Anon and Twilight lips turning into a forced smile. She opened her mouth as if wanting to say something but nothing came out.

Still standing behind Twilight, Anon very slowly reached out a hand. “Princess, I’m-” Before he could even finish, Celestia teleported out of the room.

“That’s it, I’m a dead man,” Anon said as he threw his hands up. “I haven't been here for—how long have I been here?” he asked at Twilight.

“Oh, um, twenty hours?”

“I haven’t been here for more than twenty hours, and I’ve already pissed off someone! Fuck me. Fuck my life.” Facing Twilight and ripping open his toga, he dropped to his knees. “Stab me, Twilight! Stab me with your purple horn!”

“Anon, please-”

“I said stab me!!!”

*********************************************

Back at Celestia’s room, Luna was about to finish the papers when Celestia appeared with a flash. “Back so soon?” Luna asked not looking up. Not getting a response she looked up only to see Celestia sitting on her hindquarters covering her face with her hooves and wings. “Tia?”

“I saw him...” Celestia murmured through her barrier of hooves and feathers.

“Who?” Luna asked as she moved beside Celestia.

“The… the Anon you told me about.”

“And you’re here because...?”

“Lulu… he, there’s more to what happened yesterday,” Celestia’s muffled voice said.

“Oh?”

And so Celestia told Luna everything, from Anon walking through the bush, up until she fainted, not leaving anything out.

“Hmm,” Luna mused, blushing slightly. “Well now, that explains why I found him unconscious. It seems like every time he consumes highly concentrated magic, he faints. We might have to look into this.”

“What do you mean, ‘every time?’” Celestia said peeking through the feathers.

Chuckling slightly, Luna draped her wing over Celestia. “Oh, Tia, we are sisters after all. It seems like we think alike, too. I too have had some experience with him, though I doubt he still remembers it.”

“Luna! How could you?!” Celestia exclaimed, quickly adding. “What did you do to him?”

“Oh nothing, just gave him a little taste of me, nothing special. It was nothing like what you gave him,” Luna said, earning a pillow to the face.

“Did he touch your horn?” Celestia asked eagerly.

“No, no, I just wanted to try something out. Did you know he said I taste like blueberries?”

“Blueberries? But you never tasted like blueberries.”

“I know, I was surprised too. I wonder what he tasted out of you,” Luna said, flashing Celestia a smile. “Maybe you can do a bit of experimenting yourself.”

Both mares started giggling as they put their heads together, scheming.

*********************************************

Twilight and Anon were chatting about magic when Celestia and Luna walked into the dining hall. Anon, upon seeing Celestia, suddenly tensed up, triggering his fight-or-flight response.

“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, you’ve come for breakfast,” Twilight said cheerfully, walking up to Celestia hugging her tightly. “Are you okay? You were acting very weird earlier.”

While those two were going on, Luna walked up to Anon, sticking out one of her legs. “How are you feeling, Mr. Anon? I was quite worried when you fainted last night.” Her eyes swept through the hall. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?”

Staring at the outstretched leg, Anon asked. “Um… Are you sure I can shake your hand- I mean hoof?”

“Yes, you can. Is that a problem?”

“No, no. And just Anon would be fine; ‘Mr.’ is too formal for me,” Anon said, reaching out and embracing Luna’s hoof in a firm shake, giving her the tingles. “After I had my shower, Pinkie was already gone. She left a note saying something about a party back at a place called Ponyvillage? I forgot what it was called. Twilight refused to let me read the note. As for the fainting, what was that all about? All I remember was you handing m- I mean, hoofing me a glass of juice.”

“It’s called Ponyville. That’s where Twilight and Pinkie live. I’ll ask Twilight about it later. And I have to apologize for the juice I gave you. It seems that you, a being that has no magic, can’t stand a high concentration of it surging through your body. It’s like having too much salt, but instead of having kidney failure, you faint,” Luna said. ‘Then again, I never thought my ‘juices’ would have magic in them.’

Stroking his chin, Anon silently took in this information. After thinking for awhile, he asked, “We have no magic where we come from, so when you said a high concentration of magic, how high of a concentration are we talking about? And don’t I have magic surging through me when I touch ponies?”

“Hmm…” Luna lifted her hoof to her chin, mimicking Anon’s motion. “I am not sure. That was just a guess of mine after all. We would like to do some experiments on you, if that’s fine with you. Nothing harmful, of course.”

“Yeah, sure, why not. I won't mind some experiments if it means I get to drink more of that juice.”

“I’ll make sure you’ll get as much as you’d like once we know it’s safe,” Luna replied, blushing madly. “I must say I’m quite surprised Anon, for a being to be suddenly thrust into a foreign land with magic you seem to be coping quite well.”

“Oh well, that’s because-” Anon stopped mid-sentence, staring fearfully at something behind Luna. Turning, she saw Celestia and Twilight walking towards them.

Reaching them, Celestia said nothing but gave Luna a look. Getting the meaning, Luna turned to Twilight. “Twilight, would you mind having a chat with me? It’s been awhile since I’ve been to Ponyville. How are the girls? I haven’t seen them for some time.”

Twilight, not seeing the pleading look Anon was giving her, cheerfully went on about life in Ponyville while being lead away by Luna, leaving poor Anon and Celestia in an awkward silence.

“I’m sorry,” they both blurted out at the same time. Their faces turning red in embarrassment, they both said, in perfect synchronization, “You first,” which only made the situation more awkward.

Taking a deep breath, Anon decided to take lead. “I’m sorry for causing whatever trouble I did yesterday. I was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m sorry,” Anon finished, his head bowed low.

‘Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me,’ thought Anon as sweat dripped down his face, waiting for Celestia’s reply.

“I’m sorry too.”

“Huh?” Surprised, Anon lifted his head to see Celestia shielding her face with her wings.

“I’m sorry for attacking you. I jumped to conclusions. I thought you were hurting Twilight and I could have hurt you.”

‘Kill me, more like,’ Anon wanted to say, but kept it to himself, keeping his head bowed.

“I’ll accept your apology as long you accept mine,” Celestia said, extending her hoof.

“... and you’re sure I can shake your hoof?” Anon asked, skeptically staring at the outstretched leg.

“Oh yes, please. It’s for a show of good faith,” Celestia said, anticipating the touch.

“Yay, friendship!” Twilight cheered, clopping her hooves, having returned with Luna by her side.

‘Fuck you, Twilight.’

“Can’t say no to that,” Anon said, clasping his hand with Celestia’s hoof, making her shiver with excitement.

Luna walked over to stand by Celestia’s side. “As a show of good faith and an apology, me and my sister have prepared a gift for you,” Luna said as Celestia brought a small wrapped-up box from behind her.

“Would you accept our gift?” Celestia asked while floating the gift in front of Anon.

“You really didn’t have to,” Anon was a bit taken back by the sudden gift. He was never comfortable with accepting presents.

“We insist.”

“I...” Anon looked at their eager faces, eyes gleaming, waiting for him to accept the package. Knowing there's no getting out of this and refusing would be outright rude, Anon took hold of the box. “Sure, I’ll accept it, but I have nothing to give in return.”

“That won’t be an issue. Quick, open it,” the sisters both said, waiting. Their excitement was starting to rub off on Anon. As he unwrapped the box, he had to admit he was rather excited at the prospect of his first gift from magical royal horses might be. He pulled off the lid to reveal...

“A collar?” Anon asked in disbelief. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn't a collar. A carrot would have been more sensible.

“Err...” Anon wasn‘t sure if this was a genuine gift or a slap to the face. It was genuine, judging by their faces. Then again, he didn’t understand their customs. Maybe this was normal?

“Do you like it?” Luna asked. Anon pulled out the collar to take a closer look. It was made of silk dyed midnight blue with pure gold threads woven through the fabric, writing words he couldn't read. It had eleven rubies around it and an empty slot for another one. A delicate clasp made of gold capped both ends.

“Wow, it's beautiful.” Anon said after giving it a once over.

“We made it ourselves, designed specially for you,” Celestia proudly said.

“How did you do that? I've only been here for a day!”

“Magic. And thousands of years of boredom can give you plenty of time to hone one's skills.” Celestia said.

“Here, let me help you put it on,” Luna said, snatching the collar out of his hand and stepping behind him. Anon wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to wear a collar. He looked to Twilight to see if she could help him, but she was busily wiping away a tear at seeing her mentor’s friendship flourish.

“There,” Luna said after putting the collar on Anon, but not before taking a quick whiff at Anon’s neck.

‘It feels more like a choker then a collar,’ Anon thought, gently touching it till he got to the empty slot right in front of his adam’s apple. “What's this for?”

“Ah yes. Where's the ruby Twilight gave you?” Luna asked, having returned to Celestia’s side.

“Here.” Anon pulled the toga away to show the ruby still taped to his nipple. Before his could say anything Luna ripped the ruby off, tearing some hair off. His eyes teared up as he had to bite down on his lip to stop himself from swearing at the princesses.

“And~ it's whole,” Celestia said happily when Luna placed the ruby in its rightful place.

“So you guys are fine with whatever I did yesterday?” Anon asked in a high pitched voice, wiping a tear away.

“Of course I’m fine with it. I haven’t had such a relaxed night in a long while,” Celestia said, blushing.

“Really?”

“Really. It was very good,”

“Good?”

“Yes, what you did with your claws. you’re very skilled.”

“Claws? Skilled?”

She touched her hoof to her cheek. “From the tip of my horn all the way to my v-”

“Hooves!!” Luna shouted. “All the way to your hooves. Isn’t that right, sister?”

“Huh? Oh! Yes, hooves, I meant my hooves.”

“You gave her a good massage yesterday. You’re quite the masseuse, Anon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to have a talk with my sister,” Luna said, dragging Celestia away.

“That’s weird. Are they usually like this?” Anon asked Twilight, watching Luna and Celestia whispering at the corner.

“No, I’ve never seen them like this before.”

“So~ will I get a chance to see the king and queen?”

“We don’t have a king and queen, Anon.”

“What? But they’re princesses, so there has to be a king and a queen, right?”

“No.” Both Anon and Twilight jumped when Luna and Celestia appeared next to them. “We don’t have parents. We were born with the sun and the moon. We are the will of the sun and moon.” Anon and Twilight stood there speechless, Anon due to whether or not he should believe what he just heard and Twilight because she could update her book about the princesses.

Twilight started jumping around the princesses squealing like a filly while Anon continued to stare at them in disbelief. Sighing Luna walked to the table. “And that’s why I don’t like telling others about us.” She took a seat. “They either don’t believe it or treat us more like gods.”

Celestia chuckled while sitting down at the table, gesturing Anon to sit as well. “That reminds me of the old days. It took forever for that cult to disappear.”

“You were worshiped before?” Anon inquired while sitting down. Twilight followed suit.

“Pretty sure we still are,” Luna muttered under her breath.

“Woah, now. Are you saying you’re gods?”

“In most eyes, we are. Though it’s sometimes hard to view oneself as a god, being born one. Other species, on the other hoof, can’t even wait to bow at our hooves. Tia, do you remember what the cult was called?”

“Yes, I think it was called -” Celestia was cut off by Luna ringing a bell, summoning forth the servants. Leaning in Celestia whispered to Anon and Twilight, “we can talk about this later, it’s a sore subject for Luna.”

“That’s nice and all, but still doesn’t explain why you’re princesses and not queens,” Anon said bringing his original question back.

“We just like the title of princess better, and the titles of king and queen was taken during our absence.”

“Absence?” Anon and Twilight both asked at the same time.

“Yes, we left Equestria for some time because of the cults.”

“There were wars going on due to our presence. We left hoping it’d quiet things down,” Luna said studying the menu presented to her, “but when we were gone all that chaos created another god, giving us a bigger headache.”

Upon hearing that Twilight looked up from her menu. “Wait, chaos, god, you don’t mean -”

“Twilight, I can’t read this,” Anon said squinting hard at the menu.

“What!?” Twilight snapped her head so hard to face Anon, an audible ‘crack’ echoed through the hall startling everyone, but Twilight seemed unfazed. “That’s impossible.”

“But it all looks like gibberish to me. I think the words are moving too; it’s a bit disorientating.”

“The spell placed on your ruby covers words too; it should be able to get the word you’re seeing, cross reference it with the word you understand and project it in your mind as if you’re seeing your native language. I invented it myself,” Twilight said sounding smug at the end.

“... but how will it be able to cross reference if I don’t even know what I’m looking at?”

Opening her mouth to answer, Twilight paused, looked down at her menu thinking hard and said, “it can’t.”

Silence remained till it started to feel painfully awkward. Anon was going to say something when he saw Twilight beginning to tear up, muttering something about being ‘tardy’ and ‘failure of a student’, but was saved by Luna clopping her hooves summoning a maid over and whispered her. The maid hurried out only to return a few seconds later with a mare wearing a chef’s hat.

‘Wait, I’ve seen that pony before. But where?’ Anon thought.

“You,” Luna pointed to the chef then at Anon. “Explain to Mr.Anon what’s on the menu and what each word means.”

Bowing the pony walked towards Anon. The closer the pony got the more nervous it seemed to be. By the time it reached Anon, it was almost having a panic attack.

“Hey, you’re the chef from yesterday, the one who gave me the salad,” Anon said finally recognizing her. Fried Coconut was definitely having a small panic attack now, taking quick short breaths through her nose, eyes darting to the princesses who were trying to comfort Twilight.

“I’m sorry,” Fried Coconut cried, eyes watering up. “I don’t know what came over me. My - my colleague talked me into it. I shouldn’t have listened. I- I-”

“Whoa there,” Anon quickly knelt next to her placing a hand on her head soothing her with the pleasant tingling going through her body. “All I wanted to say was I really liked your salad.”

“You - you did?”

“What’s your name?”

“Fri *sniff* Fried Coconut.”

Taking aback by how stupid that name was, Anon continued. “Miss Coconut, that salad you gave me yesterday was the best salad I’ve ever had.”

“It- it was?”

“Yes! Especially the dressing, I loved it! It made an ordinary dish into something I can have every day!”

“You would?”

Seeing that the pony had calmed down, Anon moved his hand from the top of her head to her cheek using his thumb to wipe away a tear that was forming. “How about you make me that delicious salad again.”

“You really want it? The same?” Coconut said with a glint in her eyes.

“I would love that. Now go along, I’ll be waiting.” And with that, Fried Coconut went on her merry way to the kitchen with only one thought on her mind, swishing her tail all the way.

‘These ponies really need to consider wearing something underneath,’ Thought Anon as he watched Fried Coconut walk away, flashing him all the while. Turning Anon saw all three alicorns looking at him, Celestia and Twilight were smiling at him warmly while Luna, who knew what the ‘salad dressing’ was, was blushing with a small smile on her face.

“What?”

“Anon, that was really sweet of you.” Twilight beamed at Anon.

“I didn’t know you were that good with mares,” Luna said hiding her smile that was turning into a grin behind her hoof.

“I… actually have quite a bad history with women,” Anon said putting his hand behind his head in embarrassment.

“You poor soul!” The moment those words left his mouth he was engulfed in a world of white. Celestia had jumped onto the table and hugged Anon hard, pressing his face into her fluffy chest. This would have been nice if the impact didn’t nearly snap his nose in half.

“Unless he was the one causing problems,” Luna butted in.

*Gasp* “You didn’t, did you?” Celestia said in surprise pushing Anon off her chest. Dazed and tears are forming around his eyes Anon shook his head. “I knew you wouldn’t,” she said. Then proceeded to smash his face back to her chest nearly breaking his nose again. Sighing for umpteenth time Luna used her magic to pry Celestia off of Anon, floating her back to her seat.

“Ugh,” Anon said nursing his nose. “Back at college every girl I liked happened to already be in a happy relationship, and the ones that were attracted to me were all depressed by previous relationships. I was a good listener, so I listened, and slowly I learned how to talk to women. Especially sad ones.” Anon said nursing his nose.

“That’s quite the skill to have, Anon,” Twilight said smiling sadly at him as Luna stopped Celestia from jumping over the table again.

“One I’m glad I have,” Anon said smiling gloomy, “she seems so sweet.”

*********************************************

Meanwhile in a deserted closet in the Royal Kitchens.

*slik* *slik* *slik* *slik*

“Mama always told me *pant* the fastest way to a stallion was through his stomach, I never *pant* thought it was true.” Fried Coconut said masturbating furiously with a plate of salad beneath her hind legs, “Taste me! Love me! My body is yours. Feed on me! Drink from me! I’ll feed you FOREVER!” She screamed reaching climax, coating the dish with her love juices.

*********************************************

“Real sweet.”

“It seems like you’ve taken a liking to her cooking. Maybe I should give her salad a cooking too,” Celestia said. Hearing that Luna quickly leaned in and whispered into Celestia’s ear making her blush and eyes widen in surprize.

As Luna and Celestia whispered back and forth about what that salad actually was, Anon and Twilight were talking about eating habits. “So you’re an omnivore, you say?” Twilight said with a notepad floating beside her.

“Yeah, that doesn’t bother you?”

“No, although it is unpleasant knowing a life was taken but we understand it, other races need to consume meat in order to stay healthy.”

“Other races? There are other species too?” Anon asked thinking about cows, dogs, and cats.

“Oh yes, there are the Griffons, the Monitors, the Dragons-”

“Dragons!!?” Anon half shouted half whispered.

“Yes, the dragons live southeast of Equestria. Aren’t their dragons where you’re from?”

“No! As far as we know, humans are the only sapient species on earth! All those species you just said are only in our legends!”

“Fascinating,” Twilight whispered writing down everything she heard, “and ‘human’ is what you call yourselves I assume?”

“You’re correct.”

“And ‘Earth’ is your country?”

“No, Earth is our home planet.”

“That’s quite a bold statement to say you’re the only species, Anon. ”

“Yeah, but we pretty much discovered every place on earth. The only places left being deep space and few remote places on Earth.”

“Deep space?”

“Well, after we landed on the moon-”

Both of Twilight’s hooves smashed onto his cheeks grabbing hold of him and bringing his face dangerously close to hers. “You’ve been to the moon?” She whispered.

“Err, not me but other humans,” Anon whispered back.

“What did they do to be sent there? Wait, how did they get there? I thought you don’t have magic,” Twilight said almost angrily.

“The magic of science?” Anon tried to smile but couldn’t with two hooves squishing his cheeks together.

“Science?” Twilight whispered even quieter.

“Yes.” Anon squeaked.

Twilight exploded with laughter, leaping onto the table startling everyone around her. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I knew science was important. In your face Professor Hard Book! ‘Magic is the only thing that's important; science is just a lesser tool for non-magic users’. Now I have living proof!” Twilight danced and shouted on the table.

A golden glow surrounded Twilight as she was gently moved off the table into Celestia’s lap. Smiling down at the still excited and wiggling Twilight, Celestia said, “Congratulations Twilight.”

Luna just rolled her eyes at them then smiled at Anon. He was about to ask what the fuck happened when he was interrupted by the doors opening with ponies pushing four carts in. Twilight moved back to her seat as the carts stopped next to them. All carts were pushed by a maid pony except the one stopped by Anon, which was pushed in by Fried Coconut.

‘Aww, look at her.’ Anon thought as Fried Coconuts stood there panting heavily with red cheeks. ‘Who knew making a salad could be so tiring, must be because of the hooves.’

The surviving ponies lifted the lids off the plates. Celestia had tea and quite a large slice of strawberry cake which made Luna roll her eyes. Luna had scrambled egg on toast with hey bacon, a mug of coffee with ‘worship the moon’ written on it and the day's newspaper. Twilight’s breakfast was a bowl of cereal and a purple mug of coffee saying ‘best student.' They were just about to dig in when Anon’s lid was lifted.

Every nose belonging to a pony twitched as they caught wind of Anon’s dish. Luna, after pausing for a second, kept on eating as if nothing had happened. Celestia, who’d already guessed what that dish was due to Luna, just stared. Twilight raised her hoof, nose still twitching and taking quick sniffs trying to make sure what she’s smelling is in fact what she think it is, she asked. “Um, Anon? Are you sure that’s what you ordered?”

“Well, I don’t usually have a salad for breakfast but hey, first time for anything, right?”

“That’s not what I mean-”

“Twilight,” Luna said cut her off not taking her eyes off the newspaper, “it’s impolite to question what a guest wants, every being has their own tastes.”

“But-”

This time it was Celestia with her eyes still on Anon to cut her off. “Think of it as an experiment, Twilight. Anon is new to our world and is trying out new cuisines to find out what he likes.”

“If you put it that way, I guess so...” Twilight said not being able to deny anything Celestia said.

“And by the way,” joined in Anon, digging his fork into the salad and flashing his award winning grin, “I’m not a guy that says no to new things.” Anon took a huge bite.

Twilight’s mouth dropped as Celestia sprouted a grin. Luna had a knowing smile while sipping her coffee as Fried Coconut was about to faint from happiness. Taking another bite from the salad, Anon turned to Fried Coco. “My compliments to the chef, this tastes just as good. No, maybe even better than the one I had yesterday,” taking another bite, “you must have worked hard to make this.”

“Yes, very hard,” Fried Coconut said quietly.

“As much as I like this,” Anon said taking another bite, “I’d really like to try something else, though.”

“But, but I made this with all my love!” Fried Coconut said with tears swelling up in her eyes.

“I know!” Anon quickly said placing a hand on her head before thing got out of hand, “I mean just something different. Maybe something cooked? By you of course.”

“So… you still want my love?” Sniffed Fried Coconut.

“Yes! Yes! Just in a different way?”

“I can do that!” Fried Coconut exclaimed placing her forelegs on Anon’s lap, pushing her head into his palm, “I can make anything with my love.”

“Uh, yeah… I look forward to it?” Anon said uncertainly, “why don’t you think of what you want to make later?”

“You’re not going to tell me what to cook?”

“Surprise me.”

“Oh, I will sir. Just you wait!” And so Fried Coconut trotted merrily to the kitchens with her tail held high, already thinking of various dishes and methods to change it to Anon’s ‘unique’ taste.

‘Again with the tail. Is it normal for them to just show their genitals? And Fried C seemed to be way~ too eager to cook for me, is it because I’m an alien? I’d be hyped if I could cook for an alien.’ Anon thought as he watched Fried Coconut trot away.

“I didn’t know you had a taste for… that, Anon.” Twilight said floating her coffee to her mouth and taking a drink.

“What do you mean?”

“What’s on the salad of course.”

“Oh, this?” Anon said taking another bite of salad with a good helping of ‘dressing.' “I usually eat my salad bare, maybe nuts or dried fruit for sweetness. But coconut dressing is really delicious.” Anon said while taking more bites. What he said caused Twilight to do a spit take straight towards Luna sitting across from her, blocked by a dark blue magic shield, of course.

Coughing violently, it took Twilight a moment to catch her breath. “C- coconut dressing?”

“Yeah. I was quite surprised yesterday. I never knew coconut could be made into salad dressing.”

“But-”

“Especially the slight saltiness and tanginess. And look at this.” Anon held up his fork to show the liquid ooze down the leaf, “not to runny or thick, just the texture.” As Anon went on with how good the ‘dressing’ was, Twilight’s jaw dropped closer to the table and her face redder. On the other hand, Celestia’s grin had grown so wide that Pinkie would shed tears of pride. In fact, Pinkie was shedding tears of pride back in Sugarcube Corner at Ponyville, scarring Mr. and Ms. Cake.

‘It’d be nice if there was some chicken to go with this, though. That reminds me.’

“Hey, Twilight. You never told me if I could get meat or not?”

“You eat meat?” Celestia and Luna both asked at the same time.

“Omnivore, I’ll eat anything.”

“Anything, you say?” Luna asked with a lick of her lips.

“Ugh, yeah?” said Anon not sure how to react.

“We’ll make sure you get to taste some ‘meat’,” Celestia said in a low voice making Luna giggle.

“Thanks? I guess? I need protein intake to stay healthy.” Anon said causing some of the male guards’ ears to swivel toward him.

Twilight coughed loudly to get Anon attention. “Anon, first you need to know that thousands of years ago when all the species started growing larger, they started encountering each other. We couldn’t understand one another, so we worked together and formed the language we use today: Equestrian. A few rules were made that we still follow till now. One of the rules, the most important one, in fact, was about hunting and such. To this day, only a few selected feral animals, usually dangerous ones too, are allowed to be hunted. And even then, the hunting grounds are only open to those with strictly monitored licenses to maintain healthy populations.”

“So I can get meat?”

“Yes, or hunt yourself as long as you have a license.”

“And you’re sure you’re not fazed by me eating meat?”

“None at all, I’ve been to ‘Dragon Lair’ and ‘Griffonstone’ before. To them, meat is only a small part of their diet. They only bring it out during important occasions. One of my close friends actually has a license; she buys meat for some animals she tends to. In fact, I sent a letter to her asking for her to arrive today, she should be here anytime now.”

Right after those words left her lips, a huge bang echoed through the hall as the doors were kicked open.

“Aww yeah. So where’s this monster waiting to be tamed by my awesomeness.”

“Oh no...” Twilight’s body decided to give up and plant her face to the table.

“Rainbow please, ponies might be eating- oh my.” A way quieter voice followed the loud scratchy voice.

‘At least the one who should be here is here.’ Twilight thought to the table. That happy thought didn’t last long when she heard a gasp followed by a high pitched squeal. Lifting her head in alarm Twilight got ready to calm a frightened Fluttershy. But instead of seeing her friend cowering in the corner like she’s used too, she saw Fluttershy crawling all over Anon.

Anon wasn’t having a good time. The sudden entrance of the cerulean pony with rainbow colored hair has already made him jump out of her skin, but the yellow one was even worse. The moment the yellow one laid eyes on him, judging by how high pitched the squeal was, flew straight towards him faster than he could say ‘Dafuq,' engulfing his vision with yellow and pink. Anon felt his arms being lifted, hair being rustled, ears folded and his eyelids being pulled apart. Anon being scared, was going to protest when his mouth was pulled open, and lips pulled aside. He chose just to stay still and let her do whatever but decided she’d gone too far when he felt a furry something inching up his thighs.

“Nope,” Anon said grabbing hold of the yellow pony's legs and spinning her around, placing his hand on her stomach pinning her back to his chest giving a great view of FlutterShy’s privates to the ponies. Anon crossed his legs to sit down placing yellow pony on his lap. He leaned to her ear and whispered, “Payback time.” Then started dancing his fingers on her.

Anon had a lot of younger siblings, over the years with dealing with them he became the Tickling Master. Unfortunately for Anon, Fluttershy isn’t human. When tickling her, he avoided tickling the chest like he would a human female instead of avoiding the lower abdomen on a female pony. So when he thought he was just giving her a friendly tickle, he was only half right.

Left hand is gently rubbing in a circular motion on the stomach and right hand dancing a bit lower like a Scottish tap dancer, twirling and tapping against her breast and nipples. Anon couldn’t see anything in front of him because of the pink hair in his face, but judging by the constant giggling and snorting he must be doing a good job. ‘But what with the occasional soft moans though?’

This had to be the fifth most embarrassing thing that had happened to Fluttershy. Torn between moaning and giggling, she tried and failed to cover her face with her hooves hoping the audience would disappear, instead relied on closing her eyes. The worst thing being was she felt so good and wasn’t sure if she wanted this to stop.

Fluttershy cracked open an eye to see all the ponies staring at her, blushing like mad. The princesses were whispering together and occasionally nodding at each other agreeing on something. Twilight was taking notes at lightning speed, any faster and the paper might’ve burst into flames. Rainbow dash just sat there in a trance with a little drool dripping down her face.

It only took a minute for the element of loyalty to kick in. Shaking her head to clear her mind, Rainbow shouted. “Hey, get your weird things off my friend!” Without waiting for an answer, she flew towards the two. Not wanting to hurt Fluttershy she flew in circles hoping to get the monster from the side.

But you should never shout and give away your position before attacking someone. Anon, who was alerted by the shout, saw a blue blur dashing towards him from the corner of his eye. With the experience of years of playing with cats, he shot out his left arm and countered Rainbows attack by placing his hand on her head and pulling her into a one arm hug, mushing her face between his chest and FlutterShy’s back.

“What?” Rainbow asked unsure of what just happened.

Still keeping up with the light stroking and tickling on Fluttershy. Anon grabbed hold of Rainbow Dash’s scalp from behind, digging his fingers into her mane. “What?” Dash shouted again this time a little bit scared, but that feeling disappeared instantly as Anon started scratching her head. “Oooo~” moaned Rainbow as she closed her eyes and relaxed, sinking her body between Anon and Fluttershy.

Now with both ponies secured in Anon arms, it was time to get serious. Taking a deep breath, he started trailing and digging his fingers with the skills even the greatest guitarist would be envious of.

It only lasted for thirty seconds, but it was the longest thirty seconds Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash ever had. By the end Fluttershy was a quivering mess on Anon’s lap, constantly twitching and giggling even though the ‘tickling’ had stopped. Rainbow was almost asleep purring and rubbing her head into Anon’s hand whenever she felt the massaging stopping.

Luna was actively laughing, tears streaming down her face. Celestia, trying her hardest not to laugh was starting to have a stitch form in her stomach. Twilight was the only one not laughing as she documented everything that transpired.

Anon took his hand off Fluttershy and gestured to get Twilight's attention and to point to Fluttershy. Getting the meaning Twilight floated Fluttershy off Anon and dropped her gently onto her back, but not before magically drying the wet patch that has formed on his toga where Fluttershy was sitting.

Now with one arm free Anon was able to scoop up Rainbow Dash from under her barrel in his arm, one hand still scratching her head as he stood up. “Do not mess with me.” Anon said with a smile on his face still stroking her mane like he would a cat.

“And, and so the battle between the Elements and Monster ended epically.” Luna laughed gasping for air.

Seeing Luna laughing so hard made Anon start chuckling too, causing him to accidentally scratch a bit too hard snapping Rainbow out of her trance. After some struggling and kicking which narrowly missed Anon, she dropped to the ground in a fighting stance with her wings spread wide. This would have been intimidating if her face wasn’t redder than a baboon’s backside making Luna fall to the ground laughing even harder, banging her hoof on the ground.

Luna was making cracks on the floor with her constant smacking which wasn’t helping Rainbow Dash as tears began to form around her eyes. Celestia’s horn lit up and with a pop Luna disappeared from the hall, “Let’s give her some time to compose herself,” Celestia said still struggling not to laugh. The only ponies not laughing were Twilight and Fluttershy. The former taking this as serious as possible like a science experiment and the latter in a state of bliss from being tickled so hard and receiving a mini orgasm.

Rainbow bent her legs ready to go for another attack when she was surrounded by a purple hue.

“Arrgh. Let. Me. Go. Twilight.” Rainbow grunted trying to break free.

“No, Rainbow. I can’t let you hurt him.”

“What!? You saw what it did to Fluttershy.”

“It’s a he-”

“I don’t care if it’s a he or she. The fact that it’s a he makes it even worse.”

“Wait, is tickling taboo here?” Anon asked in concern.

“What!” Rainbow Dash glared at Anon, mentally pointing a hoof accusingly at him, “That wasn’t t-” but was cut off by Celestia.

“No!” Celestia blurted out, “tickling isn’t taboo here in Equestria; we, in fact, encourage tickling as it brings ponies together.” Rainbow was about to protest but was silenced by Celestia placing a hoof on her. “But,” Celestia continued in a serious tone, “it’s VERY rude and impolite to tickle a pony without asking first, understood?”

“Yes, princess,” Anon said head bowed low.

“Good, you can tickle me later, but for now help Twilight wake up Miss. Fluttershy and give her an apology,” Celestia then turned to Rainbow Dash, “Miss Dash, I’d like to have a word with you, alone.” So Rainbow Dash was led to a quiet corner of the hall as Twilight and Anon worked to get Fluttershy back to her senses.

“Princess, how could you let him get away with that,” Rainbow said angrily, “you saw what it did to Fluttershy.”

“I understand your frustration Miss Dash, but Mr. Anon is a special case. He is not familiar with our customs.”

“So? Why does that matter? I don’t care if he’s been living under a rock, what he did was wrong!”

“It’d be way more simple if he was from under a rock.” Celestia sighed as she watched Anon and Twilight fuss over Fluttershy.

“What does that mean?” Rainbow Dash asked now a bit curious.

Celestia beckoned her to come closer than whispered into Rainbow’s ear. “He’s an alien from another dimension with magical powers.”

Rainbow Dash might have broken her personal record that day flying straight towards the trio saying “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.” under her breath with an excited glint in her eyes. Prior to her reaching them, Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes to see two shadows towering over her. Before she could even register what was going on, she heard an ‘oof’ as a third shadow joined the other two at high speed, making them all fall towards her. FlutterShy’s eyes widened and a tiny ‘eep’ escaped her before she was dog piled.

Pain shot through Anon, like that one time someone kicked a football straight to his stomach. He was dazed, the last thing he saw was the blue pony, Rainbow Dash if he remembered correctly, flying at him at a speed way too fast for him to react to and knocked all the air out of his lungs. The impact caused him to fall back onto Twilight making her fall onto Fluttershy too.

With a series of ‘ouch,' ‘ooh’ and some interesting comments about the reproductive system from Anon, three ponies plus a human were all tangled together. Anon couldn’t move nor talk for it seemed like all three ponies had ended up being on top of him. His view was filled by a purple tail when he tried to open his eyes so he guessed it might be Twilight. Twilight was lying on top of his chest and his face. He could taste and smell something damp against his nose and mouth that resembled lavender, could it be shampoo? Whatever was against his lips tasted warm and salty, it could be sweat? It was a warm day even in his toga. But the bigger issue were the other two on him, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. He didn’t know who was where, but somepony was laying on his legs, getting a close-up view of his junk because he could feel something gently pressed against his sack and breathing on the shaft through his thin layer of clothing.

He tried to push Twilight off his but realized his right arm was stuck under his back, and the left arm judging by the weight and warmth had a pony on it. It was then did he realize two of his left-hand fingers were stuck in a warm and moist environment. It could be in a nostril, ear or the mouth even a- ‘Oh god, it’s moving around my fingers!’

Anon started to scream at the pony on top of him to get off him, but all that came out were muffled, all he did was send vibrations up Twilight’s butt making her squeeze down harder. After a couple of seconds of screaming and shouting Anon started to get light headed due to the lack of oxygen and the over powering scent of lavender. Realizing his plea for help wasn’t getting through he started wiggling his limbs hoping to get them off him or for them to get the message and get off him themselves, but keeping his fingers as still as possible for fear he might damage wherever they were. Yet again it did nothing but make the situation worse. The kicking had jerked the pony on his legs closer to his junk, instead of two whips of air on his shaft he could feel hot moist air blowing on his balls. Anon now was tired, hazy, out of breath, lacking oxygen and some blood was currently going south making him even more light headed.

Praying to whatever god willing to listen, Anon gently curled his trapped fingers hoping the pony would get off his arm. What he got was more a more frantic squeezes as response. They stayed that way for ten seconds. Nothing changed except the spot above his mouth and nose was getting hotter and hotter. The breathing tickling his ball getting faster, it might have been his imagination, but he thought he could feel something tiny and wet poke his sack. And the squeezing around his fingers was starting to hurt.

‘Why the fuck aren’t these mother fucking ponies getting the fuck off me! Why isn’t Celestia doing anything! Fuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!’ Those were Anon’s last thoughts before his vision was consumed by darkness.

After Anon had blacked out, a series of things happened. A white flash and the sound of a camera going off followed by a pop and Luna’s loud voice, “I’m back~” Making all the girls gasp and jump in surprise. Twilight sat up, now completely sitting on Anon’s face cutting off even the smallest gaps for air. The pony at his crotch meeped in surprise which jerked herself forward and plopped his balls in her mouth. All that movement caused Anon to have a stretch reflex, jerking his fingers. His twitching fingers made the pony attached to his hand bite down on her hooves preventing herself from screaming out with pleasure.

All three ponies were having the time of their lives when another white flash and another sound from a camera snapped them back to their senses. They all scrambled off Anon with a pop, slick, and a moan.

“So… what did I miss?” Luna said with a shit-eating grin matching Celestia’s. Luna leaned into Celestia and quietly said. “I want a copy.”

Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash all stood there in embarrassment; heads bowed low and face’s scarlet. Luna seeing nopony was speaking continued. “No matter; I’m sure Tia would give me all the details. But maybe we should all keep an eye on Anon; I’m sure his face shouldn’t be a light shade of blue.”

Gasping all the girls including Celestia rushed to Anon. Surprisingly Fluttershy was the first to arrive, quickly placing a hoof on his neck the other hoof over his face. Feeling a pulse and breathing, Fluttershy sighed in relief and turned to the others. “He’s f- ” But she never got to finish her sentence as she was pushed away by Rainbow Dash followed closely by Twilight and Celestia.

Twilight draped her body over Anon wailing about ‘not fulling understanding’ and ‘haven’t experimented.’ Though not as bad as her student, Celestia was also sniffing and crying. Rainbow pried open Anon mouth and took a deep breath.

Now everypony knows not to give someone who’s breathing CPR whether you were taught to use mouth-to-mouth or not. But Rainbow Dash, who was panicking and might have slept through some of the classes, forgot what she learned in flight camp as she placed her mouth over Anon’s and blew. Lucky Anon was breathing in and not out as he got a lung full of pony breath. Eyes bulging and coughing like a man who almost drowned, Anon sat up hurling Twilight off him.

“What the fuck?” Anon coughed weakly, hugging his chest in pain.

“Anon! You’re alive!” Celestia shouted pulling Anon into a hug followed by Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow. Luna too sneaked in for a hug.

“Everything hurts. What happened? ” Anon asked weakly, still dazed.

“I just saved you with my awesome mouth-to-mouth,” Rainbow said proudly puffing her chest out.

“Wait. I remember you flying into me...”

“That’s not important,” Dash said waving her hoof dismissively, “is it true though? Are you an alien?”

“None of you would get off-”

“Hey, I’m asking you a question here.” Dash said hotly, refusing to be ignored.

“Huh?”

“Are you an alien?”

“I think I am?” Anon said.

Instantly Rainbow Dash was in his face making Anon fall back onto his back. Dash jumped into his stomach shoving her face to his. “Oh. My. Gosh. That’s so awesome! Did you come in a space ship? Do you have a super cool super deadly alien weapon? Are you the only one? This is just like the Daring Doo books. Would it be strange to ask an alien for an autograph? Maybe I should give you my autograph. Wait right here; I think I’ve got one in my bag.” And she rushed off searching madly in her bag.

Anon rolled to his side and curled into a fetal position. “Everything hurts.” He mumbled to no one. Anon could have sworn he saw a light bulb appear above Twilight’s head, but it might have just been his eyes playing tricks on him.

“That’s perfect, Anon,” Twilight said cheerfully.

“Fuck you Twilight,” Anon whispered, too quiet for anypony to hear.

“We were going to give you a physical examination anyway; we could do it now and check if you're okay.”

“Sure, whatever,” Anon said, the cold marble floor comforting his aching body.

“Good, now we just need to bring in the equipment.”

Luna quickly stepped up to answer. “I’ve already sent some guards to fetch it; they should be here in ten minutes or so.”

“Good.” Twilight nodded her thanks to Luna then turned back to Anon still on the ground. “Anon, you need to get up. We have experiments to do.”

As Anon was getting up with the help of Fluttershy, Celestia spoke up. “While we wait, I’ll retrieve my personal guards. I should be back shortly.”

“I'll go with you sister; I might as well see who this ‘Night Glider’ is.” She turned to address the rest. “Don't start without us~.” And left the hall with Celestia.

Now with Anon on his feet, although a bit shakily, Twilight walked up to him and started tugging on his toga. “Anon you need to strip.”

“Why?” Asked Anon, dumbfounded at what he just heard.

“We need to see your full body in the flesh so we can see what's going on clearly. Your clothes might alter the results.”

“Do I have to? That sound a lot like bullshit to me.”

“Yes, Anon. There’s nothing to be shy about. I’ve already seen it all this morning. And why should you worry? We’re all naked anyway.”

“Don’t need you to remind me that, but if it means this pain will go away sooner...” Anon said as he undid the toga, letting it drop to the floor just as Rainbow Dash came flying back.

“Hey, guys. I’m back. I totally had an autograph in my-” Rainbow Dash stopped mid sentence starting at Anon then gasped loudly pointing at him, “OH MY GOSH!!”

“What? What? Did I break something? Oh god, what is it?” Anon patted his naked body, panicking when he saw not only Rainbow Dash but also Fluttershy staring wide-eyed at him.

“You’re futanari!” Rainbow shouted in excitement.

“What?” Anon and Twilight both said at the same time.

Author's Note

Never read or listen to anything too funny when on public transportation, especially when someone you'd consider attractive is sitting next to you. You do not want to be struggling to contain your laughter causing you to act like you're having a seizure, with tears streaming down your checks making said attractive person to ask if everything is alright, more so when all you could do is to shake your head and speak in gibberish.

Sorry for the long delay, shit happened in my life. But hey, when Life holds you down and butt fucks you, you lube yourself up and take that butt fuck with pride for Life can't rape the willing.

This chapter just got too long, so I've decided to split it. Rainbow Dash wasn't superposed to be in this chapter, but I had to bring her in to give this chapter a pause.

Huge thanks to PeerImagination, The Derpy Division and Azriel for editing this pile of dung. Over 800 hundred edits! I need to go back and take punctuation courses.