Breathing This Great Huge Thing

Xaquik reported to the crystal castle that afternoon. Twilight sparkled with excitement over hef, but she managed to reign it in better today. She ushered hef upstairs to the same room that ze’d come out as a changeling in. One huge, blank canvas sprawled itself on the ground.

“Okay,” she said to hef, “The idea is for you to take hez form and just do some ordinary things. Like, drink some water or read or a book, or solve a puzzle—just to show a version of hez that can focus on both nothing and things other than drawing. Nothing we’ve tried so far, spells and potions and trying to talk to hef, has worked, so I’m taking a chance with this. I think it could be really groundbreaking, to have hef see hefself just doing just something other than painting.”

“It evokes strong reactions, in my experience.” With a pop, ze became Bristles.  “What do you want me to do first?”

“You’ve done this—wow, you’re already a perfect copy of hef! I thought you’d need to see hef again before you could do that.”

Ze looked down at the cutiemark spanning hez entire body, then back at Twilight. “Changelings have a sort of magic sense when it comes to remembering and replicating ponies and bodies. I passed hef on the stairs yesterday; this should all be right.”

“That’s so interesting, do you think—whoops sorry, gotta stay on track. Here, we’re going to try to do this slowly, sort of ease hef into it.” She handed hef a book. “Just read for a bit, here at this table. Nurse Firm will be here in a moment with Bristles; when they walk in, you can look up and wave, but focus back again on the book right after. Then just wait for my signal.”

“Alright, I can do that.” Ze sat down at the table and opened the book—which happened to be the first book in the series of Hairy Putter. Ze’d read the first four books before, but hadn’t been able to finish the series for some reason. After a moment, ze was lost in the strange but still magical world of it.

Bristles drew through the castle, recording and warping again all of the crystal hallway and crystal everything. Ze focused less on Twilight now, but still occasionally created how ze imagined her interacting with whatever else was on the page at the moment.

Nurse Firm chewed quietly at the side of her tongue. She was ready, like always, to handle things if the meeting didn’t go well. Honestly, the kind of therapy session they were about to attempt was experimental and likely to fail, but she was willing to risk another sketching fit or anything worse.

They walked into the meeting room and a perfect copy of Bristles already sat nonchalantly reading a book at the table. Bristles saw hef immediately when they walked in. The version of hefself reading looked up, smiled and waved politely, then looked back at the book.

Bristles twitched, looked down at hefself as if to affirm that there was indeed a copy of hef in the room, then screamed and fell upon the canvas already on the floor.

“Colors!” Ze screamed to no one, which meant to Nurse Firm, then, as ze continued to furiously attack the material with art streaming from the two pencils ze held in each hand, ze looked up again and yelled, “Fake!” to the version of hefself that sat in front of hef. “A self portrait—self lying portrait—fantasy self portrait!”

Ze kept reading the book, appearing unperturbed.

Nurse Frim gave Bristles hez paint set and hez pastels, and ze took them greedily. Every few moments or so, ze would take hez face from the work to yell “Stop it!” at hez other self.

Twilight beckoned for Nurse Firm to sit down with them. She did, watching Bristles draw first, then looking square at Bristles reading.

“Well, ze certainly reacted to it,” Twilight said. “Nurse Firm, this is Xaquik Fadez, or Bristles for today.”

They shook hands, and Nurse Firm said, “It’s remarkable to see a normally functioning Bristles, even if just for the moment. Thank you for playing along with all of this, I want to apologize now for anything that happens.”

“Oh no problem at all, I’m happy you don’t mind the company of a changeling.”

“I’m fine with it, eat all the love off me you want. If you can help hef, it’s worth it.”

“Well, uh, that’s not how it works, but, thank you for the offer.”

She glanced over to watch Bristles do hez thing. Already, she could see multiple poses of a many self-portraits taking place, except that something was off with each Bristles ze drew. Each one was damaged somehow, with either lacerations or bruises, or one just flat out not having any face at all—just a void with some spilled paint in it.

“Wow, ze’s very fast.” Xaquik said.

“Yes, ze is.”

They let Bristles draw for a while until, about a half hour later, ze’d stopped looking up to yell at Xaquik and more lost hefself in hez work.

“Why don’t you try talking to hef?” Twilight suggested, notebook ready to take notes.

Xaquik nodded, and stood up. Ze moved over slowly to Bristles, who, as if with a sixth sense could feel hef coming and did not want to be near hef, moved over so ze could be as far away as possible while still painting and drawing on the canvas.

“Hey, Bristles.”

“Stop.”

“Do you mind if I draw with you?”

Ze stopped for just a moment, hesitated. Then kept going. “Don’t.”

With nods of encouragement from Twilight and Nurse Firm, Xaquik sat cross-legged and picked up a stray pastel.

Ze had no idea what to draw, and did not possess any particular skill with drawing. So ze leaned forward and self-consciously started doodling a few flowers, which ze liked and were easy enough to draw.

Bristles, in the middle of putting the cutiemark over a section of hez own arm, saw the derpy flowers, scowled, shouted, “Stop!” and lurched over the top of the canvas to draw new flowers on top of the ones Xaquik had been drawing. Ze drew them upside down so they were right side up for Xaquik, and in a matter of just a few moments there were beautifully accurate sketches of oxeye daisies covering the little tiny circles-with-petals-and-a-stem that had been there before.

Intrigued hefself about this behavior, Xaquik leaned over a bit and drew a rough outline of a cow.

“Stop—wrong!” Bristles said as ze then covered the cow with another excellent drawing of hez own.

Xaquik leaned even further away now, and, as well and as fast as ze could, drew a little Bristles looking happy and eating a hayburger—the first non-drawing activity that came to hez mind.

Bristles came to fix it and started just as well as ze had done everything else. But ze had trouble drawing the burger. Drawing Bristles holding the burger, drawing hef not focused on drawing—as ze was doing, or had just been interrupted from doing, in all of hez other sketches.

“No, no, mmmmmm.” Ze whispered.

Xaquik looked up at Twilight, who busily wrote down notes, and Nurse Firm, busily talking in low tones to Twilight.

Ze stood up, an act that Bristles seemed to take light offense too, and stepped closer to ask them both at the table, “Do you think it would help if I showed hef my own passion, which is not drawing?”

“What is it?” Nurse Firm asked.

“Playing my accordion.”

“That sounds like a good idea. How long will it take for you to get your instrument?”

“Well, if I change, I can fly—“

Twilight looked up, “I can teleport you there, and then you can run back. Does that sound good?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Will, um, will it hurt?”

Twilight giggled in spite of herself, and stood up. “No, not at all. Step out in the hall so Bristles doesn’t see.”

Xaquik stepped out with her, and she grabbed hez hands. Suddenly, ze was very nervous.

“Tell me where you live.”

“Twenty Forty Horsie Avenue.”

“Okay. Ready?” Ze looked into her clear, sparkling eyes so full of intelligence and know-how.

It came out in a wobble, and more of a question than an answer. “Yes.”

“Alright, then here you—“

A brilliant flash of pink swallowed everything in an instant and just as suddenly, ze was standing, swaying, balanced again, in front of hez house.

“Uhhhuh,” ze shook hez head to clear it and ran inside. Ze grabbed hez accordion, some sheet music (because ze wasn’t sure what to play yet), and the foam back guard so the bellows wouldn’t bite hez nipples. Then ze ran out again, with the accordion on hez chest, music in mouth, buckling the back strap as ze went.

When Xaquik arrived back in the conference room, ze was more out of breath than ze wanted to be. “I’m—back” ze said.

“Leave again,” Bristles mumbled.

“Do you need a moment? That’s a very beautiful instrument, by the way.” Nurse Firm said.

Xaquik nodded, “Thank you,” placed the sheet music on the table, and sat down in a chair for a minute. Nurse Firm stood up and pulled her own chair closer to Bristles, then walked back and stood next to Twilight. Nodding to the chair, “So you can perform in front of hef.”

“Thanks.” Ze took the moment of rest to decide what to play. Hez favorite piece was actually fairly simple and easy. Ze wanted something more impressive,  something that would show off hez skill at not-painting. After a moment of thought, ze decided on Viver’s Winter.

Xaquik made sure Nurse Firm and Twilight were ready, then walked over and sat on the chair facing Bristles, who noticed hef in passing.

Ze pulled the bellows out and pushed them back in with the air key, to warm up. Then, ze lifted hez head, stared straight at Bristles, and began to play. The sound burst out of the instrument with warm abrasiveness, filling the whole room into an excited sauna of music.

Bristles actually looked up as ze played, and, using the last of the un-draw-upon canvas, started to draw the accordion. The deep-brown polished wooden shell, the buttons on both sides, and the mesmerizing folds of the bellows. But ze stopped, as if confused, looked up again, and then started on the background with the actual instrument still very unfinished. Ze put in swirls and blending blooms of red, orange, deep yellow,flecks of green and purple like sparks—but ze stopped again, to stare at Xaquik, who looked just like hefself, playing.

Getting to a more intricate part of the song, Xaquik closed hez eyes to concentrate. Bristles drew this as well, added hefself playing with screwed up face trying not to mess up the notes. But the overall anatomy was off, and the instrument somehow warped.

She still seemed dissatisfied with it when Xaquik finished, and abandoned it to work more on one of the many figures of hefself on another part.

“That was beautiful,” Twilight said, “and very interesting—did you see the way ze paused?”

“Yes I did. I think,” Xaquik said, “I can do more. I really like that song, but it’s not my favorite. I don’t think I’m passionate about it enough. May I go again?”

“Of course.”

Ze put hez fingers to the buttons again and thought for a moment to recall the start of the song. Then, from a firm, fresly impassioned pull on the bellows, ze started. It was an old rock tune, one of the first rock songs ze’d ever heard. It had been foreign to hef at the time; they didn’t get much outsider music in the colony. But the song struck had hef the first time ze’d ever heard it. It was at once strange and new, filled with energy, and containing a sliver of the sound of the music from the colony that gave it an immediate effect, painful and joyous, within him.

Really getting into it, ze used hez hooves to make the beat, and started singing.

With Bristle’s voice.

Even though it wasn’t the voice Bristles was used to hearing for hefself, ze knew it was hevs. Ze stopped drawing. Ze watched and listened and twitched. Shivered with the effort of just keeping attention away from the canvas. Shaking uncontrollably, hez face blankly aghast and mouth slightly open.

Twilight furiously wrote down everything that was happening and her theories on it, while Nurse Firm looked more uneasy now than ever, on the edge of her seat, clenching her teeth.

Xaquik finished the song and looked up at Bristles. Ze looked down at hez canvas, weakly put a pastel to it, and burst into tears as ze tried to draw, suddenly scribbling over everything else ze’d drawn already. “Impostor,” ze choked weakly.

Nurse Frim rushed to hez side, and started to console hef. Twilight continued writing things down, though with less obvious enthusiasm now. Xaquik awkwardly closed the bellows and tried to grab Twilight’s eye. Once ze did, they both stood up and Twilight led hef out of the room.

“Thanks for doing this,” Twilight said, “we both really appreciate it. Uh, you can go now if you want.”

“Thanks—is ze going to be okay?”

Twilight looked at the door, then back at Xaquik with a wavering smile. “I’m sure ze’ll be fine.”

“Alright, well, tell Nurse Firm and Bristles that it was nice to meet them for me, please.”

“I will. Have a good day!”

“You too!”

With a pop, Xaquik was back to hefself and walking down the hall with hez accordion and sheet music. Feeling a little guilty, but also hopeful.

When ze got home, ze put the instrument up and laid down on the couch. So far, the only one who hadn’t freaked out as much when ze took their form was Tubs. And even he thought that it was kind of creepy (though also kind of funny).

Ze thought about that for a while, but got up after not long to go busk the streets for a bit longer—ze could get in an hour or so before the sun set.