Previously on the Review Team,

Starscream, called upon by Sir and the wizard of Coradai known as Gwonam, has successfully destroyed the first power-orb with the help of Z-Squared's pet Harpy Eagel, Fofo. The force-field in New York is starting to wane a little but not by much. Sir has also realized that he requires 2 other warriors, which leads to-

-_-: Um, look. We figured that this narrative is growing old for such a huge crossover event.

^-^: So lets amp it all up! Pretty please?

Hey, in case you're wondering who's talking, those are just the voices in my head. Because now that I'm in this fanfic, I might as well take over! The name's Meta-Ridley! You know, that character from that last fanfic that's happily married to the hottest babe in Elmore? The giant metal dragon originally hailing from that Metroid franchise? Well, that Meta-Ridley is so BORING!

-_-: I think your fame is the least of the reader's concerns.

By the way, that's my serious voice talking. A bit of a bore, but still fun to listen to.

^-^: But we're so awesome! I don't care if people start calling us a Deadpool rip-off!

And that's my fun voice! He's mostly in charge but he ain't no Donald Trump! This guy in my head is much more fun!

-_-: Sigh. Look, the reader wants to know why you're narrating. Did we just waltz in here?

^-^: We did?!

-_-: No, you dolt. Tell them, boss.

Okay, okay. So, I've returned from a battle in the insect planet Gargonalo-

-_-: I am hereby ashamed on how Kronos names some of his planets.

And I'm having a wonderful meal with my family! Although, that's subject to interpretation.

"Who ate all the meatloaf?" My wife, Nicole, asked me in a dangerous tone. My whole family's eyes turned to me immediately.

-_-: You done f-ed up this time.

^-^: How 'dem Duke Boys gonna get outta this one?

"Well, honey, I think I turned it into a fish by accident." I shrugged.

"...What?" Anais, my precious daughter, broke the ensuing silence.

"There was a time when I asked myself, and I quote, what would Jesus do?" I inquired holding an oversized claw to my chin.

"You mean the tiny man on the cross you put over the hallway?" Darwin, my son's pet turned roomie, pointed to the little figure hanging on the wall.

"Can we have a subject change? This is getting a bit awkward." Gumball, my firstborn, said. Gotta say. Takes after his mom in more ways than one.

BZIT!

"Salutations!" A weird bearded man on a carpet exclaimed.

"What the what?!" My family shrieked.

"Oh dear Kronos!" I shouted. "IT'S THE MEATLOAF DEITY!!!" I bowed to pay my respects unto the holy being. "I'm sorry I ate my wife's meatloaf last night! I'll never do so again! Spare me of thy wrath!"

-_-: Should we tell him?

^-^: Nah, this is WAY more fun!

"I'm...not whatever God you worship." The man replied. "I am but a humble messenger. My name is Gwonam. The Wizard of Coradai."

"You could have used the door." Nicole said. "And knocked, for that matter."

"The ways of the mystic have no time for proper entrances. Especially not at this grave moment!" The wizard help us his arms. "Golus and his power has seized the city of New York!"

"Hmmm...how can we help?" Gumball half-heartedly said. Yeah, he just had a good, but frustrating day at school. Can't blame the guy.

Gwonam (...yeah, I've got nothing on that name) got out a scroll. "It is written ONLY Meta-Ridley can assist from this world and defeat Golus."

Score! Another job! "GREAT! I'll pack my stuff!" I exclaimed as I balled my claw into a fist of joy.

"There is no time! Your missiles are enough!" He said while swooshing his body back and forth. Must be into yoga or something.

"How 'bout a kiss..." I leaned in to Nicole...before I turned to the wizard. "...for luck!"

Smooch! Right on the old man's nose!

"GAH! What the?!" He shouted, incredulous.

"You've got to be kidding." Nicole sighed, pinching her nose.

"Ah, just kidding! Here ya' go, honey!" Being the gentleman I was, I playfully booped her on the nose with my tongue tip.

I jumped onto the carpet alongside the old man. "Hi ho, Silver! AWAY!"

-_-: You realize we could have caught Kronos knows how many diseases from that.

"Hey, the one at the wedding's still taking its course, ya' know." I reminded my little voice.

"Who are you talking to? What did I sign up for?!" Gwonam grasped his head.

"Yeah, you guys do that." Gumball said, getting up from the table. "Let me know if you find any unicorns. Or orcs. Or Val Kilmer's career."

"Sick burn!" I shouted as we were transported away.

BZIT!

Welp, here we were! In space! Okay, it's not that special. My Space Pirates made sure of that.

"YOU AGAIN?!" Oh, look! It was that Squidward guy!

-_-: He was also there during our teleporting fiasco.

^-^: I LOVE reunions!

"Yep! ME!" I posed dramatically. "Miss me?"

"No, I didn't, you dunderhead!" he shouted. Sheesh, cut me a break. The guy must have been going through a panic attack. "I was enjoying a book when suddenly a genie brings me here! To be fair, though, I think I heard Sponge-brat and his friend try to break in."

"Do not worry, Squidward." Gwonam walked over to him. "I shall protect you from what is to come."

"Greetings, you two." said a voice that strangely seemed familiar.

^-^: It's Mrs. Pac Man!

-_-: Sigh. Damn my life. IT'S SIR CINEMACUS FROM LAST TIME!

"Geez, you don't have to shout! The readers can hear you just fine!"

-_-: They CAN'T hear us, Ridley.

"I'm beginning to think you need medical attention." Gwonam crossed his arms.

"Hey! I've heard of some f-ed up s&#^ in your time period that they use for 'medicine'." I put air-quotes on that last one. "I need it like I need a permanent hole in my head!"

"Enough of your ramblings, Ridley." Sir inquired.

"META-Ridley." I corrected (show a guy some manners, will ya'?!).

"Understood. Now, you both are probably wondering why you are here." he put his hands together.

"YES!" Squidward yelled. "Explain to me why I'm in space again AND stuck with this maniac of a reptile as well!"

"Calm yourself, Squidward. You shall be rewarded handsomely for your efforts today." Sir motioned to one big-ass T.V that showed-

"GASP! CHOKE! NEW YORK HAS BECOME FUTURE DETROIT!" I shouted in anguish as I watched the 'city that never sleeps' seem to shut its eyes for good. I mean, I love destruction, but this is asking much!

-_-: Wow. You're actually having a sane reaction without my assistance.

^-^: AW! This is way too depressing! Lets switch to Star Trek!

Squidward now looked surprised. What a cute look! "Look, Bikini Bottom forced me to fix their city every Sunday at one point, but I am not fixing THAT mess! I'm willing to give some money, though, if that's what you want."

"Very generous, but all the rupees in the worlds cannot end a reign of terror so easily." Gwonam held up a finger.

"You shall do something better." the clod-in-shining-armor said. "You shall destroy the source of that giant force-field covering the city. After that is finished, you shall regroup with your other teammate, the likes of which will return soon, and destroy the monster that caused this."

"SWEET! Saving the world AND wanton destruction!" I squealed. "First, though, I have to call my wife and kids that I'm gonna be away for longer than usual."

^-^: Ah, family. Nothing more important than that.

-_-: You said it.

"That has already been arranged. I have broadcasted my message to your loved ones that you will return soon. I'm sure they'll ge tht e-mail sometime." He pointed to Squidward (such large hands, I could just chomp them off!). "Laura has been informed that you are on a business trip. Simple as that.

"She happily awaits your return. So, survive for her." Gwonam patted the shoulder of the guy.

Squidward still looked uneasy, but he just sighed and said "Alright. But I will sue! Well, if I had a decent lawyer."

^-^: Huh. Lawyers! Who needs them!?

-_-: The last one we had DID bail on us that one time.

Sir then motioned to me. "As for you, I also promise a better bonus to fund Gumball's science project. The check will be in the mail."

"Right-e-o, payer-up-o! So, where do we start? Who do we kill first?!" I bounced up and down.

"Whoa! Watch it!" Squidward frantically tried to get out of my way.

"Gracious!" Gwonam got back onto his carpet.

"The second orb has been detected somewhere in the Middle East. I think it has been captured by some of the inhabitants. Judging by some of the occupants near it, they appear to be hostile. Only kill them if they attack first." Sir motioned to a map.

"These are the TRUE faces of evil!" Gwonam narrowed his eyes. Yeah. Terrorism is only so much fun until you kill TOO many innocents for the sake of a religion that gets twisted around too often. Enough of being political, though.

"Wait! Killing?" Squidward felt sweat trickle down his neck. "Look, I don't know if I'll be able to actually do that. I mean, I'm a sane man! Not like this saurian lunatic!"

"Hey! You take that back!" I countered. ZING! Wait, what am I saying?

"Do not worry, Squidward. You can just tag along. I am sure that you shall come through soon enough. Oh, and I see you still have that invisible air-proof bubble around you."

Squidward nodded his head. I love plot conveniences.

-_-: Especially those that don't affect the overall continuity.

"Nevertheless, you WILL have to learn to defend yourself." Gwonam told him. "I shall show you one of my techniques I've picked up through my fleeting life. It involves water, so it should be easy."

"Magic. Of course. Why not?" Squidward's expression deflated. "Lead the way. I'll just try to SURVIVE."

BZIT!

Before you could say 'Chimi-Chonga' in several languages, we suddenly found ourselves in a desert! Barren, dry, and devoid of all life. Feels like Darwin and Masami's past love-life. BLECH!

^-^: Girl was a jerk!

-_-: Indeed.

"Well, that was timely. Where do we go now?" Squidward looked at his wrist radio (how Sir gave him that is anyone's guess).

"Head north and you shall be greeted by what you seek." Sir inquired over the radio.

"I remember meditating in a desert for several years." Gwonam said, relaxing. "It was valuable to my resume for the king."

"Alright! Lets FLY!" I spread out my wings...

...only to realize I forgot to charge them after my last battle on that insect world. "SH*T!" I hit the ground with my fist.

-_-: DAMN IT, RIDLEY! This could have all been over in just a few minutes!

^-^: I knew we should have taken that left turn to-

That's jokes a million years old. Drop it.

"Don't worry! I'll just..." Gwonam realized something was wrong. "...where's my carpet?"

Back at the Headquarters...

"This looks PERFECT!" Sir said as he looked up the new tapestry that hung from his main control room.

Who knew magic carpets were so fashionable?

Back at the desert...

"Son of a Dodongo." The wizard pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Any other ideas." Squidward asked me.

"Oh, c'mon! I'm the miser of ideas! Just watch me!" I grabbed Squidward by the shirt with my teeth and threw him onto my back. I felt just like a camel!

-_-: Lets just pray that wasn't TOO racist.

^-^: What gonna happen next? What's gonna happen NEXT?!

Me, the wizard, and the Squid walked...and walked...and walked some more...and dhafdlkfalhfldsjkfksa.

WHOOPS! Sorry! Fell asleep on the keyboard!

Anyway, Squidward fell asleep on me until we reached some kind of cave. We could hear some activity bustling from it, so I figured "Why the hell not?"

-_-: I don't know. Maybe it's either guarded or covered in booby traps.

^-^: Teehee! You said 'traps'!

"Let us go. With many blessings." Gwonam said as we entered.

Well, lets just say the passage way was a real jerk to my metal polish. There were spike traps, tripwire-laced shotguns, and even some mines. I came without a scratch but Squidward wouldn't stop screaming for some reason. Gwonam was covering his ears from the noise of both the traps and Squid's shrieking.

"HOW ARE YOU SURVIVING ALL OF THIS!?" he shouted in fear.

"Well, I have a healing factor! YAY ME!" I responded gleefully.

"The young ones always want the easy way, don't they?" Gwonam muttered as he disabled a trap with some weak magic.

Suddenly, we heard shouting. Overhead, we saw the big guys arrive with their guns and gibberish. Look, I don't understand their language, okay?! They went down when I shot some missiles from my chest, a nice fire laser from my mouth, and overall wiped out the oncoming hoard.

Another horde came from behind me and this time, Gwonam stood in front of us.

"Stand back! It's time I showed you that trick, Tentacles." The wizard spoke.

"You'll make them vanish?" He asked.

"This is no mere parlor trick." He wryly said as he started moving his arms in all sorts of directions. At first, I thought he was getting senile, but then the water from the canteens on the incoming terrorists burst out and became an assortment of tentacles. Dancing some more, Gwonam thrusts his arms towards the enemies, crushing their rib-cages with the force of them all.

In a word...awesome.

"Oh!" He keeled over a bit before getting back up. "Sorry. These old bones are not exactly doing it well for me. Still, my magic is still nice. All I had to do to achieve this was to sleep underwater while holding my breath for months at a time."

"I'm surprised Sandy hasn't tried that." Squidward remarked, still mystified by what happened.

"You've been living underwater all your life. It might come more naturally towards you." Gwonam said with a smile.

"Nice...to know that." Squidward said, not sure what to say about.

After that revelation, we headed towards a room filled to the brim with praying.

-_-: I'd really hate to drop an atom bomb on their belief system right now, but I guess we don't have much of a choice.

Inside that room, they were praying to that orb like crazy. I think they thought it was a gift from Allah or something. I readied my mouth laser.

^-^: THIS IS FOR 9-11!

"Uh, Ridley, I do not think this is the right time for-"

No dice, Magic-Man!

BOOM!

With that, Gwonam and I ran for our lives and Squidward held on to me like there was no tomorrow. The cave began to crumble around us and, just in the nick of time, we escaped.

"Well, that was sort of anti-climatic." I sighed.

"It's good enough for me." Squidward breathed.

"It's like a battle with Ganon. Throw a book/wand at him and he's once again imprisoned." The wizard said as he dusted off his hat.

^-^: These guys need to learn how to have some fun.

-_-: The squid's just not used to what we do.

Suddenly, as if my calls for adventure were answered, I heard a rumbling from the rubble. The orb burst out and it looked pretty pissed! Let me type in the fact that it brought about a bunch of babes for us to-

-_-: We're MARRIED, MIND YOU!

SH*T! Forget I said anything! Okay. Squidward just ran and hid while the orb was causing some sand and pieces of metal to float around. There were 6 drills, 2 flamethrowers, and a mini-gun. Geez, what was going on? Was this its way to use LEGOs?

Then I felt 2 of my toes get torn off! It hurt like hell! They seemed get inside the orb itself, which, in turn, was getting inside whatever doohickey construct it was making.

"A mechanical terror comes! Brace yourselves!" Gwonam held onto his hat.

After some minutes-

-_-: In which you could have shot it!

^-^: Lay off, pal! I wanna see where this goes!

When it finished, YIKES! It was a giant scorpion made of purple, electrified sand (just roll with it!) that had flamethrower tips in inside of its pinchers, drills on its legs, and a mini-gun on its tail-tip.

(Hikko nukarete, anata dake ni tsuite iku)

"Wait a minute! What the hell's up with the music?!" I looked around. I mean REALLY?! A Japanese chant in a boss battle?! Change the music!

"Actually, I prefer what it is now." Gwonam said.

ZRRTT!

That's better, a rock theme!

-_-: We should care less about production values and worry more about-

SHOOM! SHOOM!

-_- and ^-^: THAT!

CRAP! I realized it absorbed my tech because, as you should know, Kakavantharian tech is the only thing that can hurt me. Apart from whenever my wife goes nuts on me. Now I was running around the place trying to avoid the flamethrowers that tried to burn my ass.

If that wasn't bad enough, the mini-gun tail started firing at me. REAL BULLETS HURT! None of this was fair!

"Watch closely, Squidward." Gwonam said as he did that funny arm movement thing again. Water from far beneath the earth rose up in tiny tentacles and battered the beast. It just shrugged them off, though. "I knew the lack of water would get in the way here." The wizard sighed.

-_- and ^-^: LOOK OUT!

I just realized it jumped high into the air and landed on me, its legs drilling into my body. I screamed and roared and screamed and roared until I thought 'What would Nicole be without me? The kids? Even Tom Fitzgerald?!

To answer my questions, I grabbed the legs of the monstrosity and, with sheer strength, lifted them off. The thing crumbled for a while before reforming to fire away with all weapons this time.

Dodging the attacks, I decided to fire some missiles from my chest at the flamethrowers. The claws blocked it! It didn't work! Now, on to plan B.

"YEOW! MY TAIL'S BURNING!" Then I got an idea (plan B was dumb, anyway. It involved throwing sand at the thing.). With my tail, I ripped the reloading Mini-gun right out of the construct and then I just FIRED AWAY! YE-HAW!

The thing was starting to crumble with its inner core being damaged so much. DOUBLE POINTS FOR DESTROYING THOSE FLAMTHROWERS! SUCK IT!

However, the beast reared up and was ready to impale me once again with those damn drills, but that plan fell flat on its face!

-_-: We had to tell you to shoot the now-exposed core in its stomach.

^-^: Less talk, MORE VIOLENCE!

BOOM GOES THE CORE! With the dignity only a dying yet graceful beast could make out...it just collapsed and fell to pieces. Ummm...manly tears were shed? 'Twas beauty that killed the beast? Nah, who cares.

"Is it gone yet?" said Squidward, who had just looked out of his hiding spot.

"Yeah, you still remember that problem Sir talked about? Well, I just took care of it." I said.

^-^: Like a boss!

-_-: Huzzah.

"The battle is not over yet. I can still sense the core." Gwonam said.

"...Well, crap." I muttered.

The orb re-energized and the sand around it became hot as hell! Sure, it looked cooler near the core, but it was hot around nonetheless. Even I wasn't that crazy about the heat.

The sand formed a shuriken like saw-blade and it neared towards us.

"Before we die, allow me to play a few notes." Squidward said before getting out his clarinet. Surprisingly, he was actually pretty good with it. Not the music I wanted to hear when I died, though.

BZIT!

Another portal came! Oh, joy! Who this time?

A pug. A pug that sneezed on the ground after a moment.

"A most unexpected savior! Or perhaps an unhappy accident." Gwonam exclaimed.

"What...is that." Squidward now looked glum as usual. "I don't even want to know."

"We're f&#$ed. Plain and simple." I shrugged.

The pug then started to bark and run towards the orb. It looked adorable, but not when you consider he's gonna get burnt/shredded to nothing.

"Hey! Bad dog! Heel!" I shouted, attempting to get him out of here.

-_-: You don't speak dog.

"Hey. Never stopped me before." I reminded the voice.

Suddenly, the dog's eyes glowed red and whips of heat erupted from his back. They injected themselves into the sand and began to pump an even hotter liquid into it. I mean, steam was rising out of the pug's mouth for pete's sake!

Eventually, the heat was too much for the orb to bear. It's barrier was breaking and it was then exposed to the whips. The lava-like liquid was turning the purple orb into a smouldering raisin and it soon dissipated. The sand fell to the floor.

The pug looked at us and it ran up to me. It began to lick my tail.

"Awwww, who's a good Deus Ex Machina? Who's a good one?" I said, scratching its ears.

"Ahem!" Sir shouted from Squidward's watch. "How did Cerberus get there with you?! That's two of Z-Squared's pets already! One more and I'll have to storm his house! Again."

"However he got here, he got us out of that mess." Squidward reminded. "I mean, what is he even?"

"He is a pug with a mutant ability. My brother got him when he was but a puppy." Sir explained. "Apparently, his ability manifested when somebody tried to hit him with a baseball bat."

"Fascinating. Another one to help us in our journey!" Gwonam said. "Only one more orb to go!"

Just then, a jet started flying by and it transformed into some kind of weird robot that I just couldn't help but laugh at! There was also a Harpy Eagle wearing a tattered scarf that was perched on his shoulder.

Cerberus ran towards the bot and the eagle flew down to his level. They seemed to know each-other quite a bit, judging by how much the bird allowed itself to be sniffed.

"I see Sir was right. You two were taking care of that second-what are you laughing at?"

Squirdward had fainted, but I just kept laughing. "Your heels are showing! HAHA!"

He looked down and then gave me some weird, mean look. "You shut your mouth, creature! Sir said we're supposed to be working together and already I regret that decision."

-_-: I think that would be Starscream from that other famous series.

^-^: What? The new one with Optimus Prime and that dragon-bot? PUH-LEASE! We're much better than that!

-_-: I wouldn't say that if I were you.

"Okay. I am CLEARLY dreaming! Humans, robots, wizards, and dragons! There's only so much I can take in one day!" Squidward despaired.

"Oh, be quiet, organic." Starscream sneered.

"Remember what I said." Gwonam put a hand on his shoulder. "That you have much to look forward to after this."

"Like the mental ward?" Squidward quipped. "Sorry. I feel better now."

"Very good." Gwonam smiled. Seriously. That thing he does with the eyes when he does that...guh.

"Sir called me earlier to tell you the third and final orb is in the Himalayas." Starscream said.

"Wait!" I shouted. "We're going to need to fly to get there! Can I fly that random plane over there! I've always wanted to fly that type of plane!"

"You wish." 'Screamer said. I like that nickname!

A few moments later,

Well, I managed to goad them into having me fly the plane! They, of course, thought my expert flying was nothing more than 'playing with the controls and messing everything up'. Starscream was starting to strangle me in both anger and fear while Squidward was holding on for dear life. Gwonam covered his face in terror while Cerberus kept running around. Fofo (seriously, THAT was her name) was flying about, clawing at anything in sight.

"WOW-WEE!" I shouted as we approached our destination.

"RIDLEY, STOP FOOLING AROUND!" Gwonam pleaded.

"YOU CAN'T JUST KILL US ALL!" Starscream yelled at the top of his lungs.

"LOL!" I inquired.

"SQUAWK!" Fofo managed to claw one of my eyes out.

"AROOOO-ROO-ROO-ROO!" Cerberus despaired.

"RIDLEY, LOOK OUT!" Squidward said as I safely landed the plane.

-_-: You mean 'crashed it into a mountain'?

Oh. Nevermind. Ummm....I guess....

Meanwhile in New York (and away from my narration)...

Fluttershy was the first to wake up after a rest period the team had. They were still trapped in that sizable prism prison. Still pining for a way to get out.

She looked around for the umpteenth time. The city was still a total wreck. It was a grim sight for sorry eyes. However, the one thing that got her attention was the jailer.

The Golem was awake a bit, but he seemed to be keeling over in pain. Something was stirring in him that he didn't like. It was a bit pitiful.

"Are you...okay?" She asked. The beast turned his head towards her. She let out a quick gasp but her fear vanished when he just continued to stare.

Something about that look in his eyes was...dead. Like there was no energy behind them. He just looked so sad.

"You know...you don't have to do this." She pleaded. "You don't have to destroy things. Just let us go and apologize to the poor people you terrorized."

The golem said nothing, but he made the a body motion akin to a sigh of deflation. He picked up a random piece of rubble and examined it.

"See? Making rubble is bad." Fluttershy said. "Maybe you could build something out of what you destroyed. Try to make it...better?"

Deep inside, she just wanted him to set them free. Yet, she knew he couldn't register that command. After all, he would have let them go long ago after their fight.

To her surprise, he began to stack rubble pieces onto of each-other. The word 'build' must have gotten to him. He seemed to like what he made as he worked a bit faster in making piles of junk and stuff.

'At least he isn't as evil as one would think.' She thought to herself. 'Maybe this could help us after all.'

...TO BE CONTINUED! Alright, now for the credits!

Author's Note

Notable Music:

Meta Ridley Introduction-Deadpool Theme from Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3
Headquarters-Wii Shop theme
Somewhere in the Middle East-Gritzy Desert from Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Traps and Terrorists-Yell Dead Cell from Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Vs. Scorpion Construct (Inappropriate Music)-Ai No Uta from Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Vs. Scorpion Construct-Punch Bowl from Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze
Cerberus-Iggy's Theme from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven
On the Jet-The Can Can
Credits-Night Falls from Tekken Tag Tournament 2

Nothing except Sir and the Scorpion construct belong to me. At least that's what the COPYRIGHTS WANT ME TO SAY! Sorry.

^-^: Will we see them soon?

-_-: They always do. They always do.