Ryan and Twilight walked through Ponyville, side by side. As fate would have it, they were both being stared at with enough intensity to melt stone...again. It's understandable, the ponies had never seen a creature like Ryan before his arrival. On top of that, the princess of friendship was tailing him with a smile on her face as he told her story after story about his life back in his world.

Occasionally they would pass by a group of mares who would smile and wave at the human, who responded with a wink, sending them all into little school-girl giggle fits. The human recognized them pretty easily, they were some of the first mares to start throwing bits at him.

Twilight found herself becoming a bit protective when something like that would happen, instinctively grabbing onto his arm and glaring daggers at them. Ryan couldn't help but find her behavior somewhat adorable. It felt kind of nice to have someone-or in this case-somepony being somewhat possessive toward him. It made him feel like someone actually gave a dam about him.

They eventually came across a very elegant mare known as Rarity; Rarity was shopping for a number of supplies for a new design she had in mind for a line of dresses she had been working on this week. An assortment of bags hovered close beside her as she walked through town, her horn glowing with her blue magical aura.

Rarity managed to spot Twilight and Ryan first, seeing how everypony kept glancing over toward the odd couple. She saw them walking together, Twilight's arms wrapped around one of his with her head leaning on his shoulder. A mischievous grin spread across her face as she made her way toward them.

The two seemed too distracted with their conversation to even notice the bright white unicorn who had snuck her way up behind them. She leaned in so her head was right behind theirs. "Hello, darlings."

Twilight jumped, being startled by her sneaking friend. Ryan's defensive instincts kicked in, causing him to spin around and swing at the mare. She managed to duck just before his fist could connect with her, but at the price of one of her bags being knocked out of her magical hold.

Rarity rose back up, her head turning toward the bag that had just been forced to go from being beside her, to the other side of the street. She recaptured it in her magic, levitating it back over to her as she turned to face the human with an unamused look about her. "Well, that was a little uncalled for."

"So was sneaking up on me you fu-" He was silenced as Twilight placed a hand over his mouth and forced him to take a step back.

"What he means to say is that he's sorry." Twilight explained, technically lying through her teeth. "He's a bit jumpy is all; so maybe we could avoid sneaking up on him in the future."

She considered her friend's suggestion. Even the fashionista knew that she just barely managed to dodge him in time, so she would rather not have a repeat; she might not get so lucky next time. "Yes, I guess you're right. But ponies can't just go around hitting each other because of a small scare."

"Where I come from, people get stabbed for not swinging first." He muttered to her, sounding a bit more threatening than he actually intended to.

Calm down, Randy Savage. We already got one bitch on our back, we don't need another one.

Rarity shot him a somewhat judgmental look. A world where the inhabitants are just looking for a fight? Sounds like a world of uneducated ruffians. "Well, maybe if your species had evolved more properly they wouldn't have to worry about that. How about you try being better than them?"

...Okay, I've changed my mind. Kill the bitch!

Twilight started internally panicking, she could agree with Ryan's mentality at first, but now it was just looking to make things escalate. There was only one thing she could do. "Drinks! How about we all go out to get a few drinks to help calm us down?"

The two stopped arguing and looked over at Twilight. It was weird for her to be the one to offer up the idea for drinks, but to Ryan it was about time she suggested it.

"Please..." Twilight begged, really hoping to avoid further altercations.

I could go for a few shots.

Ryan shrugged, the idea of getting some liquor into his system seeming to calm him down significantly. "Fuck it, I'm in."

Rarity wasn't too keen on the idea of drinking at the moment, but a glass of dandelion wine wouldn't hurt. "I guess I could go out. Just let me run these items back to my store and I'll be right with you."

Twilight visibly calmed down as she let out an audible sigh, thanking Celestia that she was able to win them over to stop another fight from breaking out between Ryan and one of her friends. "Okay, meet us at the Ponyville pub when you're done."

The unicorn smiled at her friend before shooting the human a dirty look and making off to her store to set her supplies aside. Part of her was mentally slapping herself for helping such a rude creature. She could tell that something was going on between that thing and Twilight, but honestly, she didn't know how she could tolerate its behavior.

I didn't even know this place had a pub. What the fuck are we waiting for?

"Let's get going then." Twilight said, leading the way to a very well hidden bar. Ponyville was known as being a nice, quiet neighborhood, a place where families could settle in and be comfortable. So places like this were kind of an underground thing.

Ryan was fairly surprised that he hadn't come to notice the place, usually he had a nose for this kind of thing. But, they did have it covered up pretty well. You had to walk through a rather sketchy looking alleyway to get to it. It looked old and run-down on the outside, but once they got inside he could hardly believe his eyes.

There was a long bar table, tables for groups of friends to sit and relax, dim lighting. It was almost like something you'd see in an old mafia movie. He was half expecting some brute of a stallion to come up and ask them for a password, but alas, none showed. Regardless, he still like the atmosphere of the place. More importantly, they had an array of various types of drinks behind the counter that were just calling out to him.

We have died...we have died and gone to Valhalla!

With a newfound pep in his step, Ryan rushed over to the counter. He leaped into a nearby seat, landing on it pretty easily and causing it to spin a few time. "Good evening, my good stallion." He says to the bar tender.

The stallion behind the bar turns around and freezes upon spotting the human. He had never seen such a creature, not only that, but it was speaking to him. "Can I help you?" He asked with a somewhat nervous look about him.

"Yes, you can." Ryan replies with just as much enthusiasm as earlier. "I'll take a glass of bourbon on the rocks. Oh, and a side of wings!"

Ryan received the unmistakable look disgusted from the stallion. "What do you mean wings?"

He fell silent for a moment, then it clicked. In his world, horses were herbivores. Is that how things worked here? Do they not serve meat anywhere? That would mean; no steak, no ribs, no wings, no...

No bacon and cheese burgers...

His left eye twitched a bit at this thought. Ryan went from looking like a kid in a candy store, to a kid who just watched his mother get hit by a train. "Just the bourbon will be fine..." He said in a saddened tone.

Twilight slowly approached Ryan, taking a seat by his side. She had heard his order, and the little voice in his head that mentioned something about bacon and cheeseburgers. Both of these she was familiar with due to her studies in Canterlot involving the eating habits of other creatures. However, she wasn't quite sure why this topic had come up.

She ordered a strawberry daiquiri from the bar tender, who nodded in response and retrieved both of the drinks, placing them in front of their respective people's/pony's.

Ryan quickly grabbed the glass and in the blink of an eye it was gone. "Reload, please!"

Twilight watched as the bartender refilled the drink and Ryan's mood stayed locked into place. He looked shocked and somewhat sad. She took a sip from her glass before beginning the process of picking his brain for information. "Ryan, are you okay?"

He looked over at her with the most stoic face she had ever seen, and she lived in Celestia's castle for a short while. "Twilight, I need you to be very serious with me here for a second."

Don't fuck with us!

"Okay..." She said almost nervously. She had never seen him like this, he was always so playful...when he wasn't tormenting her, at least. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I can help."

"Your species wouldn't happen to be...strictly herbivore in nature, would it?"

She blinked a few times before answering. "W-we're ponies, so...Yes, we are pretty much herbivores."

"Pretty much, or completely?" He asked with a raised tone.

"Completely." She answered, wondering why he was questioning her like this. "Why are you asking this, it's common knowledge that-" She stopped as an idea came to mind. "Wait a minute...Are you NOT a herbivore?"

"I'm...and promise me you won't freak out, seeing how this might not be very normal here." Twilight nodded uncomfortably, but it was all he needed to continue. "Humans are...kind of...omnivores."

Now Twilight's eye twitched, her mind taking in what he had just said. It wasn't like omnivores didn't exist in Equestria, but it wasn't common either. Most omnivores were creatures such as griffons or the monsters in the Everfree. It was rare to see them come here, so this wasn't something ponies were used to. "You mean-"

I love me my spuds, that's the Irishman in me, but I prefer it as a side to a big bloody steak.

Twilight was beginning to feel a bit nauseous, her head was spinning and it wasn't even from the alcohol. How did she not figure this out sooner. So far, Ryan had just eaten whatever she prepared and never really said much about his preferences. So this information came crashing down like an anchor into the water.

Hehehe, I'm just waiting for her to put together the fact that; We eat meat...she doesn't...and we've kissed this woman.

The alicorn's stomach churned in her gut, she looked like she was on the verge of throwing up. Luckily for her, Rarity walked in and took a seat beside her. Finally, something to distract her from the topic of consuming dead animals.

"Sorry I'm late, did I miss anyth-" Her words trailed off as she caught a glimpse at Twilight's expression. She looked flushed and rather unwell, like she was going to be sick. "Are you feeling alright, darling? You look pale."

Twilight's stomach answered for her, letting out a painful sounding growl as she nearly heaved. "I would really rather not talk about it." Her eyes darted over to Ryan.

Rarity's expression became somewhat judgmental as Twilight's gaze shifted over to the human. "I should have known he had something to do with it. Forget about him, let's have some fun, shall we?"

One Hour Later

Twilight and Rarity started cracking up at the story Ryan was telling. The story itself was pretty funny, but they were mostly laughing at how often he would fumble over his words and swear at himself for doing so. It didn't surprise any of them that it was happening, he had easily cleared half of the bartender's bottle of bourbon and seemed to be loosening up a lot.

Ryan turned back to the bartender, his head unable to be held still for even a second. "Another one, ifff you'd please."

The stallion nodded to the human. "Sorry, buddy. I think you've had enough."

That f-fuckle!

"Hey, I've had enough when I damn well...when I said I has enough!" He yelled, making several ponies in the bar turn their attention on them.

"Listen, I said you've had enough!"

Ryan grabbed the stallion's ears and pulled him into a hard head-butt, knocking him out in an instant. The intoxicated human then pulled himself up from his seat and onto the counter where he stood up straight and tall for everypony to see. "I am Spartacus!"

A majority of the ponies were all too drunk to notice the lack of morality going on and merely cheered at him for defying the natural rules of society!

Twilight and Rarity, though tipsy, still had their wits about them and knew that what he had done was wrong. The alicorn tugged on Ryan's leg, prompting him to look down. "Come on, I think it's about time we got you home."

"Fuck t-that noise! Let's get this purty sturted!" He reach over and grabbed a nearby bottle, throwing it the jukebox at the other end of the bar. The glass shattered as it struck the machine, but somehow managed to turn it on and even play a song that the human started dancing to while the surrounding ponies began cheering him on.

Rarity grabbed Twilight's arm and began tugging her towards the exit. "Come on, let's go get some fresh air."

She reluctantly followed her friend, being slightly uncomfortable with leaving Ryan without some sort of supervision. But, the unicorn didn't seem to be taking no for an answer and started to pull harder.

They made their way for the exit as ponies soon crowded the bar to enjoy the show being put on. Ryan looked like he was having a lot of fun, he even grabbed a small hose and started using it as a microphone.

"~Macho, macho man!

I've got to be

a macho man!"

A white Pegasus busted through one of the walls, his body was swollen with muscle. With one flex his shirt exploded into rags on the floor. "YEAH!!!"

The sounds of his singing were drowned out the further they went and once they were outside, not a sound could be heard through the thick metal door.

Rarity ran a hand through her mane to make sure everything was still in its place. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a cigarette, placing it in her lips as she put her attention onto Twilight. "I'm sorry, darling. But, that was just becoming far too chaotic. I just thought we could both use a few minutes of normalcy."

Twilight sighed, already feeling worried about what Ryan could be doing in there. She didn't know why she worried so much for him, she just did. It was like this weird nagging feeling that something could happen at any time that could ruin everything. She turned her attention onto Rarity and watched as she lit the cancer stick in her mouth. "I thought you quit."

The unicorn inhaled and pulled the cigarette from her lips, waiting a moment before exhaling. "I did, but you know what they say about old habits." She flicked the ashes from the tip and took another puff.

Twilight smiled at her friend before walking over to her and taking the cigarette from her hand, putting it out in an ashtray that sat beside the door. "Now what kind of friend would I be if I let you get away with something like that."

Rarity found herself smiling at Twilight. She loved how much she seemed to care for her friends, but didn't expect her to just grab and discard it. Usually she would just tell her to put it out. For some reason though, Twilight seemed to be much more forward; in a good way. "What is with you lately? You've been much more, what's the word? I want to say outgoing, but you haven't done anything too drastic yet."

She shrugged, "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Oh, don't give me that." Rarity came back, still holding that smirk of hers. "Ever since Ryan came along you've changed. Just look at you; You're tying your mane back, your wardrobe has been completely altered, and you've been doing a lot less sugarcoating than usual. You simply move on to putting words into action."

"W-well...I-I-I" Twilight stuttered, unable to find the right words to explain herself.

Rarity held up a hand and shushed her, making the alicorn fall silent. "Calm down, darling. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just different is all. But, it's a good different. You seem so much happier and you look stunning, if I do say so myself."

Twilight smiled. "Thanks, Rarity." She couldn't help but chuckle a bit as she remembered the first time Ryan had met one of her friends. "If only Rainbow Dash could be as accepting as you and Applejack have been."

The unicorn's features seemed to falter a bit. "Well, while I'm not a fan of his attitude a mannerisms; I'm sure whatever it was, it's Rainbow's fault."

Twilight's ears fell back in shock. "Rarity..."

She nodded her head and leaned back against a wall. "I'm sorry, Twilight. I love you girls to death, Rainbow included, but she's just such a hothead. I would never wish any harm upon her, she is still my friend, but she needs to tone it down a bit. She gets so wrapped up in her own opinions that she blindly follows them no matter the consequences."

Rarity was right, Rainbow was like that and sometimes her own ignorance would get her into trouble. She couldn't really help that though, it's simply who she is. "I guess that's the price you pay for undying loyalty."

She let out a sigh, "I guess. If you ask me though, she needs a good rutting."

"Rarity, wow!" Twilight exclaimed. She knew that Rarity had some strong opinions, but this wasn't something she typically went on with unless she was absolutely sure, which just made her feel weird.

"What? Even you can't argue that." She said in a defensive tone.

"And on that note, I'm going back inside." Twilight said, making her way over to the door. She wondered how Ryan was doing, hopefully he didn't get himself into a predicament he wouldn't be able to claw his way out of.

"Wait for me!" Rarity called out, following close behind Twilight as she entered the bar.

Both mares paused in place, a powerful blush spreading across both of their faces as they spotted Ryan singing and dancing on the counter with nothing more than his pants on. Even those looked like they were ready to fall off at any given moment, what with how his belt was undone and swaying with every move he made.

"~She's a very kinky girl.

The kind you don't take home to mother.

She will never let your spirits down,

Once you get her off the street."

A close by mare reached up and smacked Ryan on the ass. This made him smile down at her. "Oh, girl." He says in his little sing song voice as he drops down to his knees and leans back, letting everypony in the room reach up and touch his flexing stomach.

"~She likes the boys in the band.

She says that I'm her all-time favorite.

When I make my move to her room it's the right time .

She's never hard to please."

He gets back onto his feet, occasionally pointing to the crowd.

"~That girl is pretty wild now."

"The girl's a super freak!" The crowd sang.

"The kind of girl you read about,"

"In new-wave magazines!"

"That girl is pretty kinky."

"The girl's a super freak."

"I really love to taste her."

"Every time we meet."

"She's all right, she's all right!

That girl's all right with me, yeah.

She's a super freak, super freak!

She's super-freaky, yow!

Everybody now!

Super freak, super freak!"

"~She's a very special girl.

From her head down to her toenails."

"Down to her feet, yeah."

"And she'll wait for me at backstage with her girlfriends,

In a limousine."

"~Going back in Chinatown.

Three's not a crowd to her, she says,

"Room 714, I'll be waiting"

When I get there she's got incense, wine and candles.

It's such a freaky scene."

"Everybody sing!

"Ohhhhh"

"~Super freak, super freak!

That girl's a super freak!"

"Ohhhhh"

The songs cuts off, causing everypony to look back over at the jukebox. A stallion that they all recognized as the bartender stood beside it with a large red knot on his forehead.

Ryan quickly reaches down and grabs his shirt, throwing it over his shoulder before jumping into the crowd only to be caught and held up above their heads. "Scatter!"

The crowd takes off for the door, holding the human up to keep him from getting caught. This was the best entertainment they had in a while, the last thing they wanted was for their favorite alien to be hauled of to jail.

The bartender started to give chase after the alien, only to be charged by a very bulky looking Pegasus with no shirt and some rather small looking wings.

"NO!!!" He yells as he pulls an arm back and punches the bartender square in the jaw.

Rarity and Twilight darted out of the door to avoid being trampled by the crowd of ponies desperately trying to get Ryan out of there. They take refuge behind a stack of boxes and the herd makes their way out of the ally with Ryan sitting on top of them.

"To Narnia!" The human shouted as he pointed to Twilight's castle.

Author's Note

Okay, I wanted to save this chapter for later, but personally I loved it and wanted everyone else to see it. What can I say, I'm proud of my work. I hope this is as funny to all of you as it was to me. It's a bit random, but not hectic. It has it's moments of seriousness, but hopefully the bizarre comedy makes up for that.

Anyway, if you enjoyed this chapter, please slap that like button like a bitch. Share this story with your friends and feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P

Songs; The Village People- Macho Man
Rick James- Super Freak