The Warlock

“You can't be seriously leaving again! This is the third time this month!” Ah roommates, sometimes you can get the greatest, most fun loving people on the planet, and sometimes you can get Mike's.

Mike had been living with me for the last three months, and I was considering kicking him out after the first week. Mike is a medical student with an acute case of rectal-cranial insertion, was a workaholic, and had his parents pay for everything. He was one of the  most square people I have ever met, and trust me, I went to public school. He wasn't willing to accept that you can make money other than working 40 hours a week for 60 years, and then dying in debt. And he got offended at practically everything, and was the most rules orientated person I had ever met. This made him the most self centered person I know. But the rent needed to get paid one way or another, and YouTube only pays so much.

I graduated high school in 2016 and immediately hated working. So I picked up some money making books, and learned to do things differently. I didn't have a normal job, I had one before and hated it. I made videos on YouTube doing what I loved. And YouTube was willing to pay me for what I did. I am a survivalist. I go out into the woods, desert, tundra, whatever the audience wants, and make videos of stuff I do for fun on a regular basis. I just had to talk to the camera, document everything I did, and do things slower than normal. I even make a little money off of people who come for basic lessons. Just, the money from them isn't as good as I hoped, so I got a roommate Who happened to be the most anal retentive people I knew.

I had gotten a request about four months ago (before I met Mike) to go out and do something called the “/k/ Summertime Innawoods Challenges”. I was asked to do both the normal and the extreme mode. I normally take anything from 4chan with a grain of salt the size of Mike's ego, but this was kind of cool. So I did a miniseries on the Innawoods challenges, and they have been my most popular videos yet. I did all of the normals on the list, and was almost done with the extreme mode list. All I had left was “Metro 2033” and “The Nuggiteer”, and was packing for Metro when Mike came in.

“Mike, for the last time, I told you three days ago that I have to do one of these a week, or I could loose subscribers, and therefore, rent money.” It was getting old, having him complain all the time. I think I'm going to finally kick him out when I'm done with the last two videos.

“You could just get a NORMAL job like EVERYONE else!” What are you, my mother? “And besides, do you know how embarrassing it is to tell people what you do when asked? 'What does your roommate, Gareth do?' 'He makes YouTube videos.' 'How... Quaint' It is incredibly embarrassing!” I remember that party, made an ass of my self just to embarrass Mike. It was his grandmother who he was talking to, and after she finished that line, I was telling the punchline to my favorite dirty joke to the rest of the party. Good times. I'm glad some of Gilbert isn't as uptight as Mike.

“Nah, that's boring.” I replied as I pulled MREs and hardtack from my half of the pantry and placed them in a clean garbage bag. “And besides, I woulda' done it for free anyway, and this way, I get paid.” As I pulled one of the MREs from it's spot on the shelf, I accidentally knocked over one of Mike's cans of pate, much to his displeasure. Mike shops at Whole foods, I shop at the Army surplus.

I schlepped the garbage bag of goodies to my room, all the while Mike kept on about “Normal people” and “Socital responsabilities” and things like that. I sort of stopped listening after I left the kitchen.

Throwing my bag of food onto the hammock in my room, I started packing my MOLLE bag for the trip. I packed the usual staples, MREs, protein bars, hardtack, some medical stuff, some tools, water, a sleeping bag, a change of clothes, solar charger, tablet, camera, a throat mic (so they can here me without the pyro gas mask effect) and some prescription goggles (I have the prescription goggles, cause well, Gilbert is in the middle of a desert, and dust storms happen all the time in Arizona).

I then go to the pillow on my hammock, and pull out my grandpa's old 1911 (never sleep without it) and his Ka Bar. And grabbed the ammo for it.

Mike took one look at the Nazi killing machine, and quickly shut up. Mike's parents grew up in Beverly hills, and taught him the way they were taught about guns. Evil.

I grabbed the kukri I made in high school welding class (I told the teacher I was gonna mount it on my wall and not sharpen it, but I took it home and sharpened the fuck outa' it) from it's place in my nightstand and put it and its sheath on my belt opposite the 1911.

Next was my pride and joy. An Orbez Mosin Nagant. Thing kicks like a mule on PCP, but it will put a hole in damn near anything. I also grabbed plenty of nugget food (Ammo. Damn you, 4chan!) for the thing.

Finishing the thing off with tiger BDUs, a plate carrier, load bearing vest, a messenger bag, an old Ruskie mask hanging off the pack, goggles, some cash, some silver bars (only a couple of one ounce bars, but a ton of one gram bars. Always have silver. It can save your life.), and an ushanka hat, I was ready to go.

I pulled the pack on, winced at the weight, and walked to the front door.

“Wait, before you go.” I stopped and waited for mike to finish what he was going to say. “Here, I don't know why, but I feel you might need this more than I will.” He finishes faster than normal as he hands me, of all things, a hip flask. “Use it for cuts and medicine, it's the cheap stuff, so I won't mind.”

I hold the flask for a few seconds in confusion. Taking a sniff, I realize it's 151 (this was cheap to mike?). “Who are you and what have you done with Mike?” Mike is never this nice. He wouldn't even get me things for my birthday.

“Consider it a going away present. I'm moving in about a week. I have to go out of state for the rest of medical school.” That was a shock. Didn't think he would ever leave.

I pull out my wallet and hand him a couple of 20's. “To cover the boxes. I know it's not much, but it's something.” I try to be nice to the guy sometimes. I really do. He just makes it hard most of the time. “Goodbye Mike.”

He pockets the 20's and thanks me. “Goodbye Campbell.” He would always refer to me by my last name, never my first. Without a further word, he walks back to his room. I shut the door behind me and walk out to my motorcycle.

My motorcycle is one of those old Harley WLAs. The kind they used in WWII. I got it in a garage sale from someone who had no idea what they were selling. Best five grand I ever spent. I took off my pack and vests and put them in the side car. I pulled off the tiger BDU top and shoved it in there too.

With a shuddering rattle, I kicked the bike on, put a lid on, and was off. I stopped for a short time at the managers office to tell him where I was going, and if I wasn't back in a month, he could keep or sell my stuff. With that taken care of, I was off.

“What most people aren't aware of, is that there is a whole network of  abandoned flood channels right below Las Vegas, and for the longest time, they have been used by the homeless, and those who do not want to live a normal life.” I had been driving for the last few hours, and by the time I had reached Vegas, I was too tired to think. So being me, I skipped the hotels and casinos and went straight for the abandoned flood channels to get some sleep. It was kind of cold this time of year, so I bundled up.

“There is not usually any growth on the walls of the tunnels, so you might have to go out to gather  food, as rodents do not usually come out in the more populated sections of the system.” I had been recording for about five hours, and was almost done with the challenge. My gas mask had been uncomfortable to say the least, but was bearable. I owed it to the people who requested it. The combination of gas mask and my multitude of guns and knives had scared most of the locals off, so I stowed them for the time being. I interviewed a few of them on tips to survive in the tunnels, and had gotten some great feedback.

I recorded for a few minutes later, and finished the episode. “ This is SimpleSurvivalSolutions, have good day!” I always finished off my videos in the fakest Russian accent I could manage.  'All I need to do is to edit and submit.' I was excited, this one was going to get a ton of views.

Pschewt!

That sounded like an old steam vent coming from one of the offshoot tunnels, my curiosity got the better of me. I quietly unholstered my 1911 and stalked down the hallway. This one was longer than most of the other tunnels. I started to worry after I had been following this tunnel for over a mile. Just as I was going to turn around and head home, I spotted it.

It wasn't a steam vent like I thought it was. Instead it was three tall pipes. The one in the middle was the largest, about two feet in diameter, and went all the way to the ceiling, while the other two were only as thick around as my wrist, and connected to the middle pipe in the middle. In front of the pipe was a steel circle about three feet in diameter. And finishing the whole thing off, there was an old school red valve sticking out of the middle of the main pipe.

I admit, I do not think logically when I am curious, and do not make the best decisions. So on that note, going up and messing with the ominous and quite possibly important valve was the easiest decision I had made all day.

Stepping into the circle to reach the valve, I gripped the wheel, and tugged. Nothing. It was stuck tight, and would not come loose without a fight. So, I grit my teeth and gripped for dear life, not once thinking that this was a bad idea I yanked with all my might to the right and used all my strength. With a groan I got-

Nothing.

It had not moved an inch, and I was getting frustrated. This should have turned by now, why is it so stuck? I looked closer at the valve, and noticed arrows.

Going left.

'I am an idiot' I mentally berated myself, it was so simple. Shaking my head, I yanked the wheel to the left, and this time, I got results, the valve started turning. Spinning it faster and faster, I did not stop to think how it was turning this much. Then it fell off.

'Shit, I am going to have to pay for that.' I was disappointed that I had let myself get so engrossed with turning a wheel, what was I, two? I started to turn when it started glowing, the socket where the valve went. It was not a natural glow, things do not glow lavender normally. My curiosity once again got the better of me as I stooped over to look at it properly.

“What the fu-” And with a flash of light, Gareth Campbell vanished from the world.

As the flash subsided, the machine quickly faded from existence, the very world around the machine changing. The walls, no longer the dirty grey of concrete, were now a shining silver color. The air was fresher, and the streets above were no longer as noisy.

A pair of voices could be heard down the hall.

“Alright, Frank, I'll do the shot.” A female voice sighed.

“Thanks Starlight!” The excited male half shouted.

“Alright, ready?” There was a deep breath. “This is SimpleSurvivalSolutions, have good day.” The female spoke in a bad Russian accent.

“Perfect! Nice job, Starlight!” The male said, with applause.

“Oh, it was nothing special. Though I do not know why you make me say that every time.

“Just thought it might sound cool.” The male stated.

As the two walked away, the only sounds to be heard were the sound of soft running shoes, and the clicking of hooves.