The Therapist

Names: Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor

Ages: Both 25

Occupations: Princess and Prince of the Crystal Empire

Appearance: Princess-Light-pink coat, long violet, rose, and gold mane, light-purple eyes, lean alicorn build

Prince- White coat, sapphire-blue, cerulean, and dark-blue mane, light-blue eyes, muscular unicorn build

Session Number: 1

“Uh… Can I help you two?” I greeted the colorful couple at my door.

“You’re the therapist, right?” the pink mare asked.

“Yeah.”

“Auntie Celestia should have told you about us.”

“Auntie?” I repeated, confused for the first time in a while, “…Alright, I give. Who are you?”

“You’re joking, right?” the stallion asked and I just stared at him blankly, “…I guess not.”

“Relax, Shining; he’s not from around here. Please excuse my husband,” the mare said as she stepped forward, “I’m Princess Cadence, ruler of the Crystal Empire and Princess of Love.”

“And I’m Prince Shining Armor.”

“Shining Armor… Ah, your Twilight’s brother, right?”

“You know Twilight?”

“I wish I didn’t, but whatever.”

“Excuse-”

“Princess of Love, huh?” I said as I noticed the wings and horn on the mare, “…There’s a Princess of Friendship, so why not? Come on in.” Motioning to the sitting room, the couple trotted in and sat next to each other on the longue as I sat in my seat with my usual materials.

“Full disclosure: I’ve never done a couple’s session before, so we’ll see how this goes and I've got another appointment in a few minutes. So, what’s wrong?”

“Well-”

“Nothing apparently,” the prince interrupted as he folded his hooves.

“Shining, you said you wouldn’t interrupt me!” the princess snapped and the prince just pouted and turned his head.

“…Uh, why don’t we take turns talking,” I offered, “Princess?”

“Well, before I was cutoff, I was going to say that Shining seems to have a few trust issues.”

“Wha- I don’t-”

“Hey,” I stopped, “the princess is talking.” He looked like he was going to keep talking anyway, but when he looked at me he closed his mouth and went back to pouting.

“So, explain.”

“About two weeks ago, Shining may have caught me and another stallion in a… suggestive situation.”

“… Alright, and I’m going to guess he didn’t react the way you would have liked him to.”

“Yeah, he kind of lost it… understandably, I guess.”

“What do you mean, you guess?”

“Well, as the Princess of Love, it’s my duty to make sure ponies find and express their love appropriately.”

“By sleeping with them.”

“W-well, this stallion in particular had… confidence issues and I thought it was the best way to comfort him.”

“I’m sure he was pretty comfortable,” I muttered.

“Excuse-”

“Alright, Prince; your turn. Just to clarify, all of that’s true, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, what’d you do?”

“I kicked his ass, of course!”

“Unnecessarily.”

“Princess,” I said sternly, “please. Then what?”

“After she healed him and sent him on his way, we had long, and admittedly heated, talk. Apparently, she’s been doing this for a while, with not just stallions, but mares and other creatures!”

“Hm. Princess?”

“Like I said, it’s my job! Shining said he would support me no matter what when we got married and after a few years of a fulfilling marriage, this one bump is ruining it!”

“You almost make it sound like it has nothing to do with you.”

“I’m not saying that, but I am saying that Shining is blowing this way out of proportion. He’s acting as if I don’t know he sleeps with a mare every now and again.”

“Wha-I-”

“Prince?”

“…Okay, so what if I did?! It’s only because she was doing it!”

“Oh, well I guess that makes it okay then.”

“…R-real-”

“No. No it doesn’t,” I said before sighing and thinking for a moment, “so Princess, you’re not lying when you said you’re doing it because it’s your job, right?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Okay, so you’ve got your reasoning; what about you Prince? She says you’ve been doing it before you found out. So?”

“…I…” he mumbled as he looked between his wife’s peeved face and my indifferent one, “I…I haven’t been too confident in myself lately.”

“Oh?”

“To be honest… her sleeping with others doesn’t really bother me. What bothers me is the thought that they’re fulfilling her in ways that I’m not… I’ve actually known about it for a while-”

“Y-you have?” the princess questioned as her anger quickly left.

“Yeah… I would see how happy you were after helping ponies, and I thought they were the ones making you happy. So, I started sleeping with other mares to get better at s-sex,” he mumbled the word, making me roll my eyes, “and I would surprise you the next time we did it… I-I just want to make you happy, Cady, and it just hurt knowing others were doing it better than me.”

“Oh, Shining,” the princess said sadly as she took one of his hooves, “you do make me happy. You make me feel like the happiest mare in all of Equis everyday, just by being at my side.”

“T-then what about what I saw?”

“It’s true that the ponies I sleep with make me happy, but not because of the sex,” she said without stuttering, impressing me, “it’s the renewal of their self-confidence and seeing them happy that makes me feel that way, but it’s nothing compared to the way you make me feel.”

“Oh, Cady,” the prince sniffled before kissing his wife. I sat there awkwardly and impatiently as the two made-out for exactly fifteen seconds before separating to take a breath.

“And if it makes you feel any better,” the princess started as she swirled a hoof on the prince’s chest, “they don’t know my sweet spots like you do.”

“…I…” the prince mumbled as his face flushed, “I think we should go back to the castle.”

“My thoughts exactly,” the princess said before the two just vanished.

“…”

Final Observations: From everything I’ve seen, royalty seem to live on a whole other planet where basic things like communication and reality, don’t exist, causing simple problems like this to be solved with a short conversation. Except for Princess Luna, the rest of these ponies need to take their heads out of Celestia’s ass and learn how to be functioning ~~people~~ ponies. The whole situation seemed serious for a while until I realized they’re both just stupid, but for what it’s worth their love was genuine, so whatever. I didn’t get paid… again.