Name: Princess Twilight Sparkle

Session Number: 3

“Hi!” the princess greeted with an overly friendly nuzzle when I opened the door.

“Hey,” I replied as I stepped away, “it’s been a little while.”

“Yeah, the girls and I had some stuff going on,” she said as she trotted in and set her bags down like usual.

“So, what do you want to do this time?”

“Well since we’re friends, I thought we could-”

“We’re not friends.”

“Aw, don’t say that!”

“Right, well what did you have in mind?”

“Well, I didn’t come here alone; the rest of the girls are outside!”

“…Why?”

“Most of them haven’t seen you in a while, so I thought I’d bring them with me.”

“…Save for maybe one, I’m almost certain most of them don’t care about me.”

“That’s not true; Pinkie’s been wanting to see you for a while.”

“Too bad I can’t say the same. I know you know she can be extremely annoying.”

“I’m not arguing that, but she does want to see you; they all do.” I sighed extremely hard into the hand that covered my face before looking at the princess’s anxious face.

“…Fine, they can come up.”

“Yay!” she exclaimed before running out of my door and coming back a minute later with her friends.

“Hello, Darling,” Rarity greeted when she was the first to rush through the door.

“Hey,” I replied as she started nuzzling me, only to suddenly stop and awkwardly trot past me.

“Nice place you got here,” Rainbow Dash commented as she floated through the door.

“Thanks.”

“Too bad it’s in this neighborhood.”

“…What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Dude; relax,” she said defensively as she floated past me, “it’s just that somepony as awesome as me wouldn’t be caught dead around here.”

“If someone hears you talking like that, you just might be.” She quickly spun around to say something back, but didn’t for whatever reason and followed after Rarity.

“Howdy there, Sugarcube!” Applejack greeted next with a warm smile.

“Hey.”

“So this is where ya been hidin out.”

“Yep.”

“And right after ya said you were gonna help out on the farm,” she scolded lightly.

“Oh, right. This is the first time I’ve thought about it since you told me, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, but it’s nice to see ya.”

“BEST FRIEND!” a voice said before a furry mass clung to my face. I sighed into it before running a finger down its spine, causing it to go limp and fall off of me.

“Hi, Pinkie.”

“I-I thought I told you not to do that!” she said in a heap on the floor.

“And I thought I told you to stop hugging me.”

“H-hello,” an extremely quiet voice said, pulling my attention off the paralyzed pony.

“Hi, Fluttershy,” I greeted the shy pony as she still stood outside the door.

“Go on in, Fluttershy. He’s not going to bite,” the princess said as she nudged her friend from behind.

“Alright. Excuse me,” she muttered as she stepped over her collapsed friend and rejoined her others.

“I forget how many of you there are,” I commented as I followed the princess into the sitting room.

“There’s only six of us,” Rainbow said from the top of a bookshelf.

“…Yeah, six too many.”

“It’s alright girls, he doesn’t mean it. Do you, Dear?” Rarity asked.

“I at least partially mean it.”

“Does that mean I’m not your best friend anymore?” Pinkie asked from the floor a few paces away.

“Yes, that is exactly what that means.”

“Jeez, I’m kinda regretting coming here with you, Twilight,” Rainbow said, “I didn’t remember him being such a jerk.”

“Well, we did just barge into his home without any warnin, so cut ‘em some slack,” Applejack reasoned for me.

“How have you been, if you don’t mind me asking,” Fluttershy spoke up.

“Other than having my nose broken a few days ago, I’m fine.”

“What?!”

“Who would dare do such a thing?!”

“No! Not my best friend!”

“Point me to ‘em and ah’ll make sure they’re sorry.”

“Eh,” Rainbow shrugged, making the rest of them glare at her “what?”

“I’ll write Princess Celestia right now,” Twilight said as my parchment and quill floated off my desk towards her.

“That’s alright,” I replied as I caught the items, “I’m sure she already knows and I’m over it for the most part.”

“How does she know already?”

“…It’s complicated, and I technically can’t tell you.”

“Keeping secrets from your best friends isn’t good!” Pinkie advised from over my shoulder as she clung to my back.

“Well, it’s my job to keep secrets,” I explained as I glanced at Rarity and she quickly looked away, “it doesn’t matter how great a friend you are; I keep secrets from everyone.”

“That doesn’t sound too healthy,” Fluttershy muttered, “even I tell my animal friends my secrets, not that I have any.”

“Thanks, but considering how smart the average animal is around here, I’m better off keeping things to myself. Now besides wanting to seeing me, which I still don’t believe, is there a reason you all came over?”

“We did come here at first just to tell Princess Celestia what happened during out last adventure, but Twilight dragged us over here,” Rainbow explained.

“Oh did she now?” I replied as I gave the nervous princess a sideways glance.

“Hush now, Dash! What’s wrong with wantin to visit a friend?” Applejack said.

“You girls keep using that word, but I’m pretty sure you don’t know what it means,” I said as I face-palmed.

“Of course we know what it means to be a friend!” the princess defended, “Don’t we girls?” Each one of them responded positively and confidently.

“Oh? Then explain it to me,” I said as I sat down and folded my arms.

“Well, a friend is loyal and always looks out for her friends.”

“And she ain’t afraid to be honest with ‘em.”

“But is always kind too.”

“She is also very generous and doesn’t mind lending a helping hoof.”

“But most importantly, she knows how to make them laugh!”

“And when they all come together, they create powerful magic!”

“…You all make very good points,” I said as I nodded wisely, “but I think you all forgot one thing.”

“We did?” the princess said as they all looked between each other.

“Yeah. A friend also makes sure to remember her so called ‘friend’s’ name.” As soon as the words left my mouth, silence took over the room. All of them, including Rainbow, sat completely still as their mouths slowly fell open.

“I know what a few of you are thinking; ‘there’s no way I don’t know his name! I just don’t remember it!’ But no; you don’t remember because you don’t know.”

“T-there’s no way,” the princess mumbled, “…there has to be some kind of mistake.”

“No, none of you ever asked; it’s that simple. Because I’ve only spoken to all of you a handful of times, I can remember each time we spoke. Up until now when I brought it up, none of you have been concerned with what my name could possibly be. And because I feel like being an asshole, I’m not going to tell you, but I will say it isn’t The Therapist or Human.”

“…A-alright, ah can accept that ah can’t rightly call ya a friend, but do ya at least consider us friends?”

“Hmm…No, not really,” I answered honestly, “I mean, I know the most basic things about each of you that literally anyone who’s heard of you knows. I’m nothing more than an acquaintance; an acquaintance that has other things to do. Now, as much as I love having all of you here, I’m sure Princess Celestia doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” Without saying anything, they all stood up and slowly trotted towards the door.

“Next time, send a little warning before you show up,” I said as I held the door and watched them file out sadly.

“B-bye Best Fri-…Acquaintance,” Pinkie said as she left, her mane significantly straighter than it was a minute ago. Fluttershy followed right after without saying anything.

“Ah’m sorry ah forgot the most basic of manners,” Applejack said as she followed her friends.

“Don’t feel too bad; literally everyone I’ve met here has forgotten too.”

“See ya… Jerk,” Rainbow said as she floated out.

“That’s not my name either.”

“…Forgive me, Dear… For everything,” Rarity said before she left.

“…”

“I…I’m sorry,” the princess said as she looked at the floor sadly, “I actually thought we were friends…”

“Hey, you can think whatever you want, but uh… I’d advise you to speak with your fellow princess. I’m sure she has some answers to the questions you’re thinking about right now.” The princess flashed me her sad eyes before floating her stuff onto her back and following after her friends.

Observations: Looks like my plan to slowly change the princess’s view of friendship is working, even if some unforeseen consequences are popping up. I may have been a little harsh on all of them by drawing attention to their blissful ignorance, but what’s done is done. The princess is one of my customers, so I have to get her to change for the better, but it might just end up being for the worse.

Author's Note

At the extreme demand of someone, here's the next chapter.