Mr. Original’s Dictionary
Original Edition

Signature Shrug
/signəCHər SHrəg/
vb.

-when James/Conscience shrugs while shaking his head, and eyes closed (esp. while smiling cheerfully)

***

Signature Blush
/signəCHər bləSH/
vb.

-when James/Conscience scratches the back of his head, while laughing nervously (esp. w/ eyes closed)

***

Pop Faint
/päp fānt/
vb.

-when James’/Conscience’s head pops* due to shock, (usually) sudden trauma, or stress (or more than one of the following); making the sound of a balloon popping, before falling backward in a dead faint (esp. w/ X’s for eyes)
*Their heads don’t actually pop, but a barely visible trail of smoke comes from their ears.

...Well, this is f*cked up...

James had been caught in a staring contest with... whatever this thing was. It was obvious to him that she was a mare, but with a horn and wings? That was something new to him. It had been at least a whole minute, and still neither one of them said or did anything. James had to break the ice... somehow. He started with averting his eyes.

“Sorry, it’s rude to stare. I don’t like it when others do it to me, so I shouldn’t either.”

That actually was true. Unless, someone was watching him something productive, James hated when someone stared at him. ...Actually, f*ck that. He almost always hated it, no matter what he was doing. Especially when kids did it.

He was mildly surprised when she replied, “As am I. I guess I had a bit of trouble processing someone suddenly falling through the roof of my castle.”

James had almost completely forgotten he had fallen in the first place. It wasn’t first time he’d fallen from that high. Far from it, even. He wasn’t exactly the best at anything in the Super Mario Bros. when he started. He was surprised he didn’t have acrophobia after constantly having near-death experiences, despite that fact that he did have 1-UPs.

James looked up at the ceiling (which was pretty high). Sure enough, there was a hole about his size standing out like a sore thumb. He looked back down, registering the broken pieces scattered around him.

He scratched his head nervously, “Uh, yeah... heheh. I can fix it.”

The mare shook her head, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

Her horn began to glow, a golden light radiating from it. The pieces of roof around James started to glow the same color, before rising off the ground. James watched as they ascended back to the ceiling to the hole, and went back into place.
“Huh,” James nodded, “that’s pretty handy.”

There was that uncomfortable silence again. Both just sat there (stood in James’s case). James was wondering what he should do next. He was just about to politely take his leave, but then she spoke before he could.

“Well...” the mare stood up, “I was on my way to have some lunch,” she looked at James. “I don’t suppose you’d like to join me?”

James raised an eyebrow. He’d just eaten several minutes ago, hadn’t he. Not to mention blacked out and drank all the milk. Key words, though: blacked out. Which meant his stomach made a fair amount of room for him in case he might get a chance to eat something again. Besides, it wouldn’t be the best way to acquaint someone by turning down an offered meal.

“Well, that sounds nice. I don’t see why not.”

James was rational when he wanted to be. He felt at times, when necessary, he had a reasonable morale. He respected others who shared certain opinions as far as morale went. And when he encountered someone with disapproving morals, he felt obligated to kick their ass, if necessary. He’d beat someone up if he felt he wasn’t in the wrong. And if he wasn’t, that would be reasonable to him.

Following this mare down the hall outside the room James fell into, they passed by numerous stallions who appeared to be dressed in golden armor. If he had to guess, he’d say they were guards. And they had wings, James noted. Or horns. One of the two. It caused him to wonder if she was the only one with both.

The occasional guard would give him a look of confusion, or suspicion. James had felt respect to the ones decent enough to remain still, void of emotion. He could understand the ones that looked confused, it’s not like he entered through the front, let alone noted anyone of his arrival. But with the looks he got from a couple of them, he knew he was going to have to strike some of them down if he made a bad move.

James stopped as they came to a pair of doors. They were pretty, damn, large. Then again, so were the other ones. The mare’s horn glowed again, making the doors open. He almost asked her how she did that, but he hesitated. That was a stupid question, it was obvious how she did it.

As the doors opened, James looked at what was apparently the dining room. Or more like, dining hall. It was a large room, to say the least. The table was so long, it was enough room for him and his conscience to fight like crazy. If that wasn’t enough, the damn thing was made of marble! There was a small set of doors on the left end of the room. AND there was a big-ass set of doors on the opposite end of the room! How big was this place anyway?

Well, James thought, she did call this a castle, didn’t she...

“Please, take a seat.”

James blinked. She was already at the table gesturing a hoof at one of the chairs at the opposite end.

“If you insist...,” he walked to the other side of the table and sat down. They were sitting at opposite ends of the longer side, so they were closer.

James was wondering if this mare as going to conjure up a meal out of thin air or something. Perhaps she would call upon some chefs to bring something fresh. But how would she call? Yell something out to someone? Tap a bell? Clap her hooves twice like those wealthy people do on movies? James looked around the table, but saw no bell. And looking at her, she didn’t look like she was intending to move or say anything for that matter.

She was still staring at him like she was since he sat down. But then again, she wasn’t even looking into his eyes, despite her eyes in his particular direction. Maybe “looking at or around him sounded more accurate. She appeared rather calm, like she was patiently waiting for something.

Oh, wait! That’s why she must be sitting here not doing anything. This must be her regular schedule for lunchtime.

James pulled out his pocket watch and looked at it.

Yep. 11:59. And the second hand’s about ten seconds from getting to the twelve.

James started counting down out loud: “Three... two... one...”

An orderly line of three stallions with tuxedos came in, each holding more than one large platter with the power of their horns. When they reached the table, they rested the platters on the table. Upon putting the dishes down, they proceeded to lift the lids. James rose his eyebrows at what lay beneath the platters.

One platter had a freshly baked (you could tell, it was steaming and smelled like it came straight from the oven) croissants, as well as some exquisite-looking bread James couldn’t (yet) identify. The outer circle of the platter was lined with salad or something.

Another platter was adorned with many different colors of gelatin. The way the colors were arranged made it look like that spectrum on the Crayola color pencil box. The dish was also surrounded by salad.

James looked on as the waiters continued to reveal the rest of the dishes. To his right was cream corn, but James raised his eyebrow as he noticed that that too, was surrounded by salad. James had to resist the urge to facepalm when he saw a dish of what looked like cream of chowder soup, surrounded by salad.

Then there were carrots surrounded by salad. An assortment of fruits surrounded by salad. At least there was spaghetti... surrounded by salad. Cabbage surrounded by salad, rice surrounded by salad, string beans surrounded by salad, dressing surrounded by salad... James’ neutral expression almost broke when he saw...

Salad surrounded by salad? Who the f*ck does that!?

James saw one of the waiters uncover one final dish before retiring back to the (kitchen?), but was too ridiculed at the fact that the chefs- whoever they may have been- nearly blew up the whole world, putting salad, around salad. He didn’t even notice the odd (but subtle, considering they were professional) looks the waiters gave him as they left.

He shuddered as he finally took his eyes off the salad-surrounded salad to look at the final dish. His eyes snapped wide for a split second at what it was. The platter was stacked with the most delectable-looking quiche he’d ever seen... surrounded by salad. But it was still quiche!

Target sighted.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you counted from three before the waiters arrived. Very good timing, I must say,” said the mare.

James looked at her.

“Oh yeah, well... I didn’t see you doing anything, so I figured you were scheduled to eat lunch around now. Then I looked at my watch,” James pulled it out for her to see, “and it was going on twelve. And I guess I just put two and two together.” He chuckled nervously as he realized how rude his actions were.

The mare chuckled, “Very observant are we?” James Signature Shrugged.

He reached out and grabbed two slices of quiche and put it on his plate. Then for a couple croissants, and then some rice.

“So I really never did get your name, miss...” James trailed off for her to finish.

“Celestia,” she said, picking up a helping of dressing with her fork. So that was her name.

“Sounds just like the word ‘celestial,’” he replied, taking a monstrous (for someone who wasn’t pigging out) bite of a croissant.

“Well, I do raise the sun and the moon,” said Celestia.

James raised an eyebrow, “Really?” She nodded.

So that would apparently mean the sun and moon orbits around this world. O_O ...Oh my goodness.

The first croissant was gone, and he was on to the next one. But he stopped once he noticed a glass of what looked like water. Huh. The waiters must’ve put it there when he was in shock by the "salad-ed salad." He started on the second croissant anyway.

“That sounds difficult. Isn’t that exhausting?” he asked, pausing to take a sip of- he took a swig- yep, water.

Celestia swallowed a mouthful of cabbage, “No, not really. It’s gets to become natural, once you’ve been doing it for millennia.” James nearly did a spit take. A millennium is thousand years! Holy sh--

“Well, goodness, if I hadn’t heard from you, I wouldn’t believe them. I mean, you look way too young to be...,” James trailed off, gesturing at her.

Celestia smiled coyly, “Well, a princess does have to maintain an appearance.”

James almost facepalmed. The mare in front of him was several hundred times the age of ragtime music, has responsibility of the sun and moon, and is a princess. Guess that explains all the guards. What else was new?

“But enough about boring, old me. I’m sure you have a great story to tell.”

James looked perplexed. “I do?”

“Indeed. Certainly you had a good reason for crashing through the roof.”

“Oooooh!” James said as realization struck, “Well, it’s a long story...”

“Those are my favorite,” she replied.

James sighed, “Okay. I warned you.” James quickly ate a quiche slice in one bite (and said ‘excuse me’) before starting.

“Okay so I’m just cleaning my house, trying to maintain it. Dusted the living room and dining room, thoroughly cleaned the bathroom, then the kitchen. I already do a great job with my room, so I didn’t have to worry about that.

“So that only left the attic, considering I don’t have a basement, thank goodness. So I go up to the attic and see if I can find anything nice or useful to keep. I found some cool things. A frame for my self-picture. A phonautograph, because I’ve always wanted one. And then a giant case of record albums from artists with some of the hottest music around... well, in my opinion, at least.

“Then I got hungry, so I get ready to head down and get something to eat, when I accidentally kick something. So I go to see what it is, and I find this key. Golden with horns,” James spat out the last word.

“Horns, Princess. On a key, mind you.”

“You mean this one?” the princess levitated a key in front of her.

James’ eyebrows rose, “Yes, that one. James took the key from her telekinetic grasp as she floated it to him. “Where exactly did you find this?”

“I picked it up as I walked past it. You didn’t even seem to notice it. I saw it fall to the ground shortly after you did.”

Her expression showed concern, “When you fell through the roof, you were going quite fast, as if you fell from a really high place. But I’m not aware of any buildings taller than the castle in this city. ...And above all, I watched you land on your head. And then you got up, like you’d only tripped over yourself! I wasn’t certain if I was more shocked at the fact that you fell in the first place, or that you seemed to recover so quickly.”

James Signature Blushed, “Well, yeah. I used to fall all the time jumping across floating islands. At first, they would nearly kill me, but now? It’s like bumping your head.” Celestia’s eyes widened for a moment.

James continued, “But I’m getting off topic. Where was I... okay. So I found this key here. Then I go back down, to eat something. A a few songs, a good meal, a nap, and a strange and personal blackout later; I head back up to the attic to find out what this key goes to. Upon kicking a certain dresser due to a minor injury casualty, we find the door we’re looking for. Soon finding out how to open it, I go inside.

“Next thing you know I’m falling in what looks like an endless dark void. Then when it finally was light again, I saw I was falling from the moon. But I wasn’t really afraid for my life, so I wasn’t panicking or staring at the ground, I was just enjoying the view of the moon, collecting my thoughts.... Problem was even though I could’ve prevented myself from falling, I was so busy staring at the moon, that I forgot I was.

“Then by the time I realized, I had crashed, falling on my head. And, whazzaam! Here I am.”

Celestia was staring blankly.

James looked at her uneasily. “Um... Princess?”

She blinked, "Oh! Sorry... that was... interesting, to say the least.

“Yes. Yes it is,” James catch-phrased in agreement while nodding his head.

With what was possibly the worst possible timing, Conscience came back out.

“How is your mane doing that!?” he asked in fascination.

James actually did facepalm this time.

Celestia somewhat managed to recover from her shock rather quickly this time, faster than James would’ve thought.

“And... who might this be?”

James didn’t even remove his hand from his face.

“Princess Celestia, this is Conscience.... My conscience.”

Conscience continued, “I mean, seriously! It’s moving on it’s own!” James picked that time take his leave. Better yet, their leave.

“Please forgive my dear conscience’s forwardness,” James intoned. “I appreciate the meal, and we’ve probably already taken too much of your time, so we’ll excuse ourselves if you don’t mind.” He then grabbed Conscience by the straps of his overalls and dragged him along to the doors, despite his protests. Luckily for Conscience, Celestia spoke up.

“Wait,” she called out. “Pardon me asking, but, where do you plan to go?”

James stopped walking, still holding Conscience hostage. He remembered that this place was completely new to him. He had no idea where anything was or who anyone was. Of course, he could get over that part. But where would he start...?

He turned around and sighed. “I actually hadn't thought of that” he scratched an itch on his neck before smiling politely. “I don’t suppose you know of a place I could stay at, do you?”

Celestia lifted her hoof to her chin in thought. After a pause she said, “Well, I'm sure she won't mind too much...”

Conscience piped up, still being held by James, “Are you sure about tha-- OW!” James kicked Conscience in his side.

“What do you have in mind, Princess?” James asked.

Celestia’s horn began to glow. A split second later, a piece of parchment and quill appeared out of thin air. She used her horn to write something on it, James couldn’t tell what. When she was done ,the parchment vaporized into a trail of smoke, which floated out a window that happened to be open.

“It is done,” she said finally. “I’ve arranged for someone to come and retrieve you. You may take residence with her.”

Truthfully, for a princess, she is a lot nicer than I would think, James thought.

“She’s on her way now?” he asked.

“If I know my faithful student, she’ll be trying to get here as fast as she can,” Celestia replied.

The doors suddenly flew open. Conscience, upon instinct, merged with James without being seen. A lavender mare was entering the room at a decently fast pace.

“Princess Celestia! I got here as soon as... I...”

Her eyes fell on James. James then noticed that she had a horn on her head, and no wings. Which meant she was a unicorn.There was an awkward silence. Until Celestia broke the ice.

“Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student. It is wonderful to see you again!” she said cheerfully. “Twilight, I’d like you to meet... um...” Celestia blushed as she hadn’t even asked for his name. James caught on before it got even more awkward.

“James. James III,” he held out a hand.

Snapping out of her stupor and blinking, Twilight grabbed his hand with her hoof, and shook. “...Twilight.”

“Anyway,” Celestia continued, “James is apparently new here in Equestria. I’d like him to stay with you in the library. Perhaps until he can find somewhere else to stay? If it’s not too much trouble, I’d also like you to show him around. I’m sure he hasn’t seen much on his way here.”

She gave James a mischievous grin as she said that last part. James became reluctant at this point.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t do tha--” he was cut off as Twilight suddenly spoke up.

“Of course, Princess!” she said. Her smile was strained, James could tell. He wouldn’t blame her. She probably had never heard of a human before. Let alone see one in person. And she apparently is a librarian. All of a sudden, her teacher is asking her to take in someone of a species she’d never had known to walk the world? Of course she should be nervous!

“Excellent!” Celestia chirped. “Unfortunately for me, I have to attend a meeting with a group of business officials. I wish you both good luck.” And with that, she walked out of the room.

With the princess gone, Twilight and James looked at each other awkwardly. James tried to lighten up the mood and Signature Blushed.

“Heheh... that’s a lot of purple.” It didn’t help, and James knew it. Frankly, he wasn’t surprised.

Twilight chuckled nervously. “So, uh... follow me, I guess?”

“Lead the way!” James said with enthusiasm.

Twilight walked out of the door, James walking beside her as she headed for the exit.

“So, you’ve at least seen some of the town, haven’t you?” she asked.

“Well, funny story actually,” he Signature Blushed as they opened the door. Then he froze. There was the streets, the buildings, the whole city... crowded with equines. Some were flying in the air, some were levitating bags with their horn, some had neither wings nor a horn.

Twilight noticed James stopped walking and turned around. Her face showed concern. “Um... James? ...Are you alri--”

POP!

James Pop Fainted.

Author's Note

This is not over.

*shoots self in the head*