Emily's Mindby ace_attorneyfan800ChaptersEpiosde 1Episode 3Episode 4Episode 5Episode 6Episode 7Episode 8Episode 2Epiosde 1Oh god I'm running late! I looked at my alarm clock and noticed it was 7:07. I missed my damn bus! Quickly getting out of bed I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, fixed my hair up into the way I liked it, and put on my cloths consisting of blue jeans, black ankle high socks, red Nike Air Force 1 shoes, white t-shirt, grey zipper less hoodie, and my prescription retro style glasses. I didn't eat breakfast because I was trying to watch my diet recently, but enough about that, I'm late as hell! Quickly putting on my backpack filled with my books and stuff, because I don't trust lockers, I stepped into the garage and put on my bike helmet and pads, got onto my bike and zoomed out the open door. The good thing about where I live is that I know a shortcut to school, well not really a shortcut as much as it is another route. The bus usually goes it but not until it's 5th or sixth pick up. Thank god my school time doesn't start until 8:20. Much later after going down said route I parked my bike in the school bike parking area and went inside panting as I was nearly out of breath. "Good morning. And welcome to Tennessee Grainger High School..." WHO SAID THAT!? Oh it's the intercom. But then out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the teachers looking pretty messed up and having a shocked look on his face. Ah I'm not the only one who's late. "SUCKERRRRR!" I shouted to him as he ran by me, "Hehehe." "The time is, 8:47 A.M..." Shit! I didn't know I was that late! I quickly rushed down the right hall to head to my first period Art class. I am so dead! As a Junior more is expected out of you! I'm gonna embarrass every Junior at this rate! I am so dead though with my art teacher. I need to buy a watch. I've already gotten five tardies and three detentions, they could expel me. Oh well, what can ya do? I arrived in Art class panting, but saw the teacher was out. Oh hell yes lucky day! I put my backpack with the others and took a seat at my assigned seat. Maybe this won't be quiet the shit day after all. For once I wish I was wrong. Of coarse we had to be doing watercolors! The one thing everybody never wants to do! Man when I make it big, I'm gonna make sure that I petition for watercolors to be banned. "A reminder to all Juniors and Seniors of Grainger High. Finals will be beginning tomorrow in the morning..." Oh man. I forgot about that. I need to study. When the bell rang I gathered my backpack and headed off to find my friend Ashley. I found her at her locker, her long brown hair going to her shoulders was still the same, still wearing that sleeveless black shirt I gave her as well as her sleeveless red and black flannel shirt along with her black pants and white shoes. When I came up to her she looked at me with a smug grin. "Morning Emily. Looks like you ran late." She said. "Yeah you know what? I don't even care anymore. By the time I get to homeroom, Adam is gonna know I was an hour late, I figure I'm either expelled or I'm not." I said. I then looked behind myself. Is someone following me? I looked to see no one. Okay good. "When homeroom starts, I'm gonna stroll in there like I own the damn place. Take my time, make some cookies with the room oven. If I'm expelled, I could probably jack some office supplies or some books or something on the way out. I could just stuff things in a big duffel bag, no one is going to notice." I said. "Will you quit quoting Freeman's Mind and be honest. You know you'd never get away with it." Ashley said. "Well you know, Austin's never really near his laptop. I could just walk right up to it unguarded and take it. Hell, I could grab some of the knives in the kitchen. That'll make my life easier with my own knife collection." I said. "Whatever sister." Ashley said. "Will you stop calling me that you prick!" I shouted with a blush. Ashley just started laughing. Prick. Homeroom door was right in front of me. Okay act calm, act calm, if I don't act calm they're gonna know something's up when I walk in there. I opened the door and walked in. Okay easy control your breathing, breath normal, breath normal, that'll make you calm. As I walked in I remembered something, oh god they'll see me. Okay keep against the wall and try to walk straight past the desk. I laid back first to the wall and began moving across it and was nearly past the desk. Don't make eye contact. Just walk walk- "Hey Ms. Summers." Damn it! I looked to see my homeroom teacher Adam Wolfenbarger at his desk. "I had a bunch of messages for you but we had a system crash about twenty minutes ago and I'm still trying to find my files." I was so close! "Just one of those days I guess. They were having some problems with the printer too when they were trying to print out your files as well, but think that's all straightened out. First Sargent Thacker also told me to make sure you headed down to the JROTC room as soon as you got through with lunch." Adam said as he was typing on his computer. Really. Maybe I'm not expelled. In that case I have all the free time in the world to play the computer. "Someone has hidden my glasses again." I heard someone say in the other room. Uhh, yeah. Now let's see what's on YouTube shall we? I plugged in my headphones from my hoodie, clicked on google chrome and headed to YouTube. "...Wait a minute. This is a windows blue screen. And you're typing on it like you know what you're doing. You're not doing anything." "Let me help you." "Shut up." I cracked a chuckle as I watched Freeman's Mind episode 2. "You're just looking busy, it's your whole job isn't it? Looking busy. Look ya have to reboot it. Where's the reset button? Is this it?" Freeman pressed the button in the video and an alarm rang. "By god what are you doing?!" "Hey stop that." "Well that's not it." "Come on Gordon, ya trying to get me into trouble?!" The alarm stopped. "Okay you can all go to hell if your all gonna act like that." I started laughing. I gotta remember that line for later. Suddenly the bell rang. Yes! Time for lunch! I unplugged my headphones and exited out of google chrome and headed out the door. Lunch. The only good part of prison, I mean school. I'm glad I'm not expelled. Stealing from school is a lot more stressful than not stealing from school. There's just no comparison. Wait. This isn't... Oh damn. I'm in the wing where Art is! I didn't mean to go this way! I guess this why people say you need to pay attention to where you walk. .... Am I hearing things? I came up to one of the computer rooms and placed my ear next to it, there was music playing. OH god, it better not be what I think it is. I listened in closer... eeyup. It's what I thought it was. Powerplant from One Must Fall 2097. Wonder if it's loud as hell. Well. Time to figure out. I opened the door and... GAAAAAH! MY FUCKIGN EARS! "TURN DOWN THE MUSIC YOU FRIGGIN 80'S KIDS!" I shouted into the room, "IT SOUNDS LIKE A RAVE PARTY IN HERE GOOD GOD! JUST GET SOME HALF NAKED CHICKS AND A DISCO BALL IN HERE WHY DON'T YOU! GOOD LORD!" I quickly closed the door turning the music down. Man, computer students. Who KNOWS what they do in those classes. They're gonna go deaf before the end of finals at that rate. Next time I go in there I'll bring some ear protection. I made my way back to the lunch line and got my lunch. Chicken sandwich, my favorite! You know now that I think about it, going to school that's made up of hallways kind of makes me feel like an evil scientist. I always wanted to be an evil scientist when I was younger. "Mwehahaha. Ahahahaha. Huwehahaha! Ahahahaha- okay I better chill out, I don't want a repeat of Wednesday." I said to myself as I sat down at an outside table Well time to start eating! Oh man I am fulll. These chicken sandwiches were designed for people going on diets. If my body could withstand it I could fill my entire blood stream with this stuff and be a living chicken woman. Oh if on- am I seeing thing? From my vantage point I saw three student pushing a large create towards the football field. I don't remember an announcement for any new equipment. Okay since I'm on the school paper I might as well go Frank West and report this. I already took out my garbage from eating, soooo, time to get expelled. I took out my phone as the bell rang and ran towards the football field being sure not to get caught. Time to make history. Sneaking through the gate I used the zoom function of the camera to look at the crate. IT looked like two of the biology seniors were the ones near the crate. They were beginning to unbox it and then it looked like they were taking something out- oh my god. Am I hallucinating? That's freaking uranium! How the fuck do we have the budget for uranium?! I took a quick picture and noticed they were pulling out something else. What is that some kind of gun? I took another quick picture and then another one as they loaded the uranium inside it. What is that? Is that some kind of project biology is working on? That can't be. Uranium is expensive as hell. This is freaking me out. I think it's time to leave. As I went for the gate my eyes were in disbelief. What the fuck?! What?! How?! Why?! HOW THE FUCK DID SOMEONE CHAIN THE FENCE!? I ran up to it and started shaking the gate hoping it was just a joke, but no it was real! There was a damn lock and everything! Who the fuck locked me in?! "HEY! ANYONE OUT THERE?! HELP!" I shouted from the fence. "Intruder!" I heard a voice. OH DAMN THEY SPOTTED ME! Okay it's time to climb! I tried to climb only to keep falling on my ass. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA! I'M A BAD PERSON! WHY DID I THINK DOING THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! There was a bang and everything went black. What happened?! What is this?! Am I dead?! I don't feel dead. But how would I know?! If this is what it's like to be dead than being dead sucks! There was a flash of white and I was right next to the crate. Oh shit that's the crate! How did I get over here?! There was another flash of white and.... I was in a forest? "What the fuck." I said to myself as I noticed my surroundings Another flash of white, and, what the hell? I'm in space?! No! I don't wanna be a schizophrenic! Everything was black again. Oh my god this is insanity incarnate with a side order of bat-shit. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha." WHAT THE HELL, WHO LAUGHED?! I'm going insane! I can't go insane now! No, no, no, no, no, no ,no, no! What the? Ah, ha ha! I'm not in crazy land anymore! I'm back in the school! Which is on fire. And the fire alarm was going off. What the hell happened?! How long was I out?! Am I dreaming?! I pinched myself to make sure. I felt pain. Holy hell I'm not dreaming. Okayyyy, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! Okay looks like I'm in the bus entrance of the school. Annd it's blocked by fire. Do we have a secret lab here? It looks like the Half-Life residence cascade of real life. That must've been what happened! We created a residence cascade! Holy hell I hope Ashley's okay, she's been my friend since kindergarten, if I lost her I don't know where I'd be right now. Man you can smell the money burning in this place. Going down the left hallway I saw the body of a male student. I went that way only for.... GOD, JEEZ, GOD! The locker exploded and fell onto the student blowing his body to bits. I hate lockers! WHY DO THEY ALWAYS BLOW UP WHEN I USE THEM?! Stepping over the locker I took a closer look at the building. Man this place got romped. I guess I'll start looting after all. Ehhh. I'll get out of here first then come back with a wheelbarrow so I can really do this right. Maaan. This is just like that one time I stayed up for a week last summer studying and thought our house was being invaded by sexy anthropomorphic animals coming to kidnap me and turn me into one of them. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha." Oh god it's that laugh again. Where the fuck is it coming from?! Suddenly a white flash appeared and... oh my god that's a headcrab. Oh go what do I do?! I can't turn back. Okay I can do this! I am a matador! I fearlessly- it launched itself at me and bit my head before flying to the other side of the hallway. "AH GOD, JESUS, SHIT, FUCK, PISS, DUIGH! THOSE THINGS BITE LIKE FREEMAN SAID! DAMN IT" I shouted as I ran to the other side of the hall passing the office at the entrance which again was blocked by fire, "Okay I'm starting to feel pretty naked here without a weapon. This is such a slap to the face. There's gotta be a dead policeman I can loot from around this building." I rounded the corner and headed straight down the hallway with more lockers. I swear these things are my version of Markiplier's mannequin fear. If that one locker I had during middle school hadn't fell on me and nearly killed me I would be fine with them right now. But due to the fact one exploded back there I can't trust them right now! Oh my god is that a wrench? I went over to the spilled tool bucket and picked up the pipe wrench. Oh my god this is friggin perfect. Now I can beat the snot out of people. Oh boy I can't wait to get outside, they'll be all like, "Emily Summers we thought you were dead!" And I'll be like, "You thought wrong!" "Pap!" I shouted swinging the wrench. Okay time to see if I can break a window. I came to a fork in the hallway and went down the path that lead to a glass door leading to the outside. It was jammed, but then looking at the row of glass windows I readied my wrench and busted through a section of the lower glass. Yes! A way out! I gotta find Ashley first though. Oh I hope she's still alive. The JROTC room. The only room from the looks of things that's still in one piece. I opened the door and stepped inside. What the? Gun shots! I went to the other section of the room and saw a dying cop as his gun was right next to him and there was a headcrab zombie student. Was it Ashley? Nope. No flannel on him, her? I can't really tell. But hey, free gun! I picked up the glock 17 and was smiling. This is perfect. Now I can solve up to ten problems a minute. Hey does he have any ammo? Eeyup, he does. Taking the ammo and replacing the half empty cartridge I placed the cartridge into my backpack. Whelp, time to play god. I heard banging on the uniform room door. "Who's there! I've got a pipe wrench, and a fully loaded glock 17 and I ain't afraid to use it!" I shouted at the door pointing the gun. "It's me!" I heard Ashley's voice I quickly opened the door and saw Ashley holding a Colt Python. "Holy fuck, where did you get a Colt Python?!" I asked "One of the policemen had one." Ashley said, "Oh are you kidding me?! You've got a pipe wrench AND a glock?! Damn all you need now is a H.E.V suit or H.E.C.U Marine outfit and you're good to go!" "Ha. Ha. Ha." I deadpanned, "Can we just focus on getting out of here?! I keep hearing a strange laughter and I think I might be going insane!" Suddenly there was an explosion. "What the?! The hell did that come from?!" I shouted. Then in a flash of white and a teleportation noise, I turned around to see a headcrab. It flung itself at me but I ducked only to hear a bite noise. I looked to see Ashley's head now being taken over by the headcrab. No. NO! I grabbed the Colt Python Ashley dropped and looked to see six rounds exactly in it. Taking aim I fired and shot the headcrab as it planted its hook like appendages into Ashley's body. Oh god why?! WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! "THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "Make sense? What fun is there in making sense?" "WHO'S THERE!" Suddenly there was a flash of white and I found myself in a black room standing right in front of a... "Jesus!" I shouted out of fear. Standing right in front of me was a humanoid wearing a brown suit and red tie and black soes carrying a briefcase with what looks to be a yellow apple on it, his skin was grey, his eyes were yellow with red pupils, he had a white beard as well as white messy hair, a fang sticking out of he left of his mouth, and two different antlers. "So Emily Summers, we meet at last. I have took the liberty of relieving you of your weapons, most of them were not exactly yours." The creature said. What? I check. Oh god he took my weapons. Holy hell he must be a god. "Please don't think that I caused all this just to give you hell, there are many matters that acquire my attention in these troubled times. And now I require further indulgence on your part, Emily, I can't leave this world until every lose end has been tied up. The biggest embarrassment has been the humans finding my old Displacer gun from my first rule of Equestria, but frankly I think that's finally been taken care of itself, quiet so." The creature explained. Uh, what? "But there is, however, still the lingering matter of witnesses, I have to admit I have a fascination with those like yourself, your type rather remind me of myself in a way. If for no other reason I have argued to preserve you for a time." The creature stated. Excuse me? "While I believe a, ahem, civil servant, like yourself understands the importance of discretion, my friends are not quiet so trusting to new species that much. So rather than continually subject you to the irresistible temptation of telling all, we've decided to convey you somewhere where you can do no possible harm, and no harm can come to you. I am sure, Emily Summers, that you can imagine that there are worse alternatives." The creature said. Oh god he's gonna leave me here to die! I can't let that happen, quick think fast! "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." I said, "You're just gonna leave me here? I can't stay here! I wanted to die as a rich person who made a contribution to society! Not live here like a prisoner! There's gotta be something else you can do with me!" "Hmmmmm. I think there's something I can do." The creature said. "What is it?!" I asked. "I can put you into another world where you don't exist. There you can do whatever you want whenever you want. All you have to do is sign a contract stating you accept any at all consequences in the near future of what you do in said world." The creature said. "Where is that contract?" I asked. And then it suddenly appeared in a white flash right in front of me with a quill with ink on it. Okay then, not the weirdest thing I've seen today. I took the quill and wrote my name on the contract. It then disappeared as well as the quill. "Good." The creature said. "Now what? Do I get my weapons back?" I asked. "The ones you had will have to be earned back, you'll be able to find them quiet easily, not to mention a plethora of new weapons as well." The creature said. Oh holy hell yes! "What the hell are you though?" I asked, "At that matter, WHO are you?" "I'm not exactly human am I? Yet at the same time I produce ability's to seemingly change a lot of stuff and do what ever I want with little to no reason. I have to admit chaos is what I was born to do." The creature said, "Never the less, my name is just like every other creature like me, but compared to them, I feel more important. Call me DMan." Like Gman. You know I've got the strangest feeling I'm about to go on an adventure that has more questions than answers. And something tells me other people have gone through this same situation as well, given the chance to live a new life only to be thrown on an adventure that had nothing to do with the original purpose as to why they were there to begin with and just giving them more questions than answers to lingering questions, and considering the multiverse theory hasn't been debunked yet it's most likely that this HAS happened before to other people. Damn I feel sorry for those people. I'm gonna be honest, if I was given the chance to live a new life only to be told I needed to go on an adventure with blah blah blah I would've just said no and stayed at my new home. I mean if I'm going to live a new life I'm not going to spend it going on a pointless adventure, that's stupid because I could possibly die! Not to mention if I didn't die, I'd have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder like crazy! I mean how often is it that people come back from an adventure, only to not take any effect from said adventure? Never. That's how often. You'll either develop PTSD or a terrible twitch, possibly even both! I hope to god I'm not forced to go on an adventure, that would just be so ironic as hell it wouldn't even be funny. And knowing Murphy's Law it most likely will happen because that's just how my luck goes! "Now, Emily Summers, all you have to do is just step into the portal and you can be on your way." DMan said. He then disappeared and a portal appeared in his place. Whelp. Here goes nothing. I stepped back and ran into the portal. "Backrubs!" "What?!" I shouted before stepping into the portal. I teleported so fast I couldn't even see who yelled it. Wait, oh damn I've got such a headache. Oh. I think I blacked out... I awoke to the sound of a heart beat monitor. My eyes slowly opened and I noticed I was in a hospital bed. I'm in a hospital? Is this what that dude said about a new life? Why am I in a hospital? Was I unconscious and someone found me? Do I look different? I looked in a nearby mirror to see I was normal. Okay so I still look the same. Oh boy this is gonna be a long day from what I can tell. I heard the sound of a door opening to see- what the fuck is that? What came through the door was a humanoid wearing a pink nurses outfit with white fur, pink hair in a bun and a long pink tail, pony ears, and baby blue eyes. Am I high right now? "Oh!" The woman said with a surprised look, "You've woken up!" Holy hell it spoke! Okay time to get some answers. "Um, where am I?" I asked. "You are in Ponyville hospital mam." The woman said. Ponyville hospital? That sounds like something out of the mind of a comatose child. "Okay then, who are you?" I asked. "I'm Nurse Redheart." The woman replied Okay? "How did I get here?" I asked. "You were brought here by Ms. Fluttershy who found you fatally wounded while she was trekking through the Everfree Forest." Fatally wounded?! What the fuck did DMan do to me?! If I ever see him again I'm gonna shove that briefcase of his so far up his ass he'll have to open his mouth to scan his ID! "How bad was it?" "It looked like you were bleeding from your arm. There was a stab wound and it looked like you were bleeding a lot." A stab wound. You know now that I think about a stab mark is kind of cool. I could show it to anyone who's pissing me off and pull a Heath Ledger Joker voice asking if they wanna know how I got the scar. It will make anyone leave me alone within seconds. "Um, one more question." I said, "Are the other civilians like you?" "Not really. Everpony here is unique in their own little way." Redheart said, "From Earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi to our alicorn princesses." Everypony? Unicorns'? Pegasi? Alicorns? Well guess multiverse has been proven. But why would DMan send me here of all places? Couldn't he have sent me to another timeline where I didn't go after those two carrying the crate? I would've at least figured out what the cause was to make Grainger High a living hell. Come to think of it I never learned just why First Sgt. wanted me in the JROTC room. Well, knowing him he probably wanted to tell me that I was expelled personally. "Well, I'm not a pony." I said, "I'm a human." "Yes. I can see that." Redheart said, "Humans run long into Equestrian mythology, so practically everypony knows about them. But to think they actually existed." Story of my life. When someone tells me something exists, I usually don't believe them, and then later I find out they were telling the truth all along so I feel like a complete asshole for not believing in them sooner. "So how long am I gonna b in here?" I asked. "Oh, you've been in a coma for quiet a while." Redheart explained, "We've been monitoring your progress for about a few weeks and it looks as if you've healed up." Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I've been in damn coma for weeks!? Holy hell, stab wounds don't give you comas! Oh wait, it was probably either blood loss or DMan that did. Blood loss I can understand, but why would DMan put me in a coma anyways? For that mater of fact why would he stab me? Was it to lure me into this place without anyone being afraid of me? If so, he probably could've JUST put me into a coma, that should lure me into this town good enough. Well now what? "Soooo. Now what?" I asked, "Where's my cloths and stuff?" "Your backpack and clothing is at the foor of the bed." Redheart said, "It's been cleaned and fixed up while you were in your coma." Well that's nice of them. Though when I get out of here and start working my way up to living the rich life, servants are gonna be number one on my priorities list for when I get a mansion, especially some laundry ones, but to be on the safe side I better make sure that I know they can stay loyal to me and not try to bring up an uprising. Maybe if I paid them enough to where they're getting enough to live off of, but at the same time made sure I still had billions of dollars on me. Maybe if they live in my mansion maybe then they'll probably not try to bring upon an uprising against me. Probably. "But, I have something else to tell you." Redheart said Oh I swear to god if it's bad news... "Due to the fact you're not registered as an official citizen of Equestria, or Ponyville for that matter, Princess Twilight has asked us to take you to town hall where you can gt properly registered." Redheart said, "It shouldn't take long." Well it isn't bad news but it ain't good news either. "Well. I'll leave to let you get dressed." Redheart said, "When your done come meet me in the lobby." And with that said she left. ..... Okay I need about this for a moment. .......... I'm starting to wonder if not wearing any panties or a bra today was a bad idea and is gonna come back to haunt me a some point. Episode 3"Thank you Randolph for carrying my daughter's backpack for her." "Yeah thanks." I said to the butler Wow, she had a butler too. Man this woman must be as rich as Richie Rich. The cartoon one though, not the live action one. I mean you gotta hand it to Macaulay Culkin though. The kid was not exactly in a good place to begin with. Richie Rich may have been a show I partially grew up with on the classic Boomerang channel, and it might've been good at one point, that show was just corny as hell. Macaulay Culkin was in a movie that was doomed to fail to begin with because standards for movies and TV are always changing because people van't make up their minds about what a good movie is and what a bad movie is. What might've been a bad movie at one point is a cult classic nowadays. What might have been the greatest movie of all time back then is considered corny and outdated by today's standards. When it comes to cinema people just can't make up their minds can they? There really is no hope for humanity if we can't even decide on what a good movie is. Huh, another thought just occurred to me. DMan never really explained just WHY he pretty much destroyed GHS. I think it might've involved the displacer gun he talked about, but just how the hell did he lose it and how the hell did two biology students find it? Nothing makes any sense anymore. All this just sounds like the setup to a bad plot in a bad fiction book, except this is real life! I think I speak for everyone, including those reading this, when I say that there needs to be an explanation for all this eventually. So lets see what questions that need answers. One, who the fuck is DMan really. Two, why the fuck he calls himself more important than the "others", whoever the flying fuck they are. Three, why he pretty much destroyed my old home and made my life into a shitty bad Half Life: Opposing Force mod. Four, how the hell those two students found his displacer gun in the first place. Five, how he even fucking lost his displacer in the first place. Six why was he not reluctant to give me a new life and just let me rot to die in stasis. Seven, what the fuck he meant when he said I would be getting new weapons. Eight, why he injured me. Nine, why he fucking comatosed me for weeks. Ten, what did he fucking mean by, "I can't leave this world?" Eleven, what the hell he meant by loose ends needing to be tied up. Twelve, why the fucking hell he wanted to preserve me like as if I was some lost artifact. And by that, I mean why did he want to put me into stasis in the first place? Thirteen, what did he mean by witnesses? Were there others besides me who saw those two kids? If so, who were they? Fourteen- ah fuck it with the numbers. What did he mean by a fascination with those like myself? What did he mean by they reminded them of himself? Who are his friends? Well, I can't really think of anything else outside of those few questions. Oh wait, I just remembered something! WHO THE FUCK YELLED BACK RUBS AT ME?! Okay I think that's all the major questions. You know, come to think of it, I'm pretty sure there's more questions but I'm just over looking them. Damn this is so confusing I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. This has just been one painful and stupid cluster fuck of a day. I know Nostalgia Critic once said in his Cat in the Hat review that just because that you admit something is painful and stupid, doesn't make it any less painful and stupid, but at times you have to to tell yourself that to assure yourself that everything is gonna be okay. Huh. I just realized something. My own foster mother's name is Spoiled Rich. And her husband's name is Filthy Rich. Wow, somebody's parents didn't love them. Or they did and they named them that because they saw a bright future ahead for them. Well my, I guess sister, sister's name is Diamond Tiara. So Spoiled and Filthy, oh god that sounded dirty, how the fuck did that rhyme?! Um, anyways. So Spoiled and Filthy must've wanted a bright future for their daughter so they named her Diamond Tiara, and from what I understand she actually wears a diamond tiara. Now that's committing to a name at its best. I mean you don't exactly see Peter Parker going around parking everywhere now do you? .... Huh? Am I hearing things, or is that really the sound of a Daytona 500 race car engine? "LOOK OUT!" What- AHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! I quickly rolled out of the way to avoid a high speeding pony on a scooter! "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING ASSHOLE YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!" I shouted waving my fist at the pony as he/she drove off Man if I see him/her I'm gonna fucking kill him/her! "Are you alright?! That no good Scootaloo didn't hurt you did she?!" Spoiled asked me as Randolph helped me up "I don't think so. Everything looks to be alright. Jesus tap dancing Christ that moron could've killed me! Does she not know what the word speed limit means?!" I said checking myself for everything "Sadly no." Spoiled said, "Rainbow Dash is the one responsible for making that pony like this." Someone remind me to kill her later. "Well, uh, lets get back on track shall we?" I asked How long have we been walking again? I think my legs are getting tired. Oh hell yes, I think this is it! Jesus tap dancing Christ on a pogostick, that's one huge mansion. Wait.... OH FUCK NOT NOW! WHY!? WHY GOD DAMN IT?! Flashback, Emily is now thirteen and just about to start middle school... "Huh. 28 Days Later. Well cousin Joey always did have his weird fascination with Zombie movies. Let's see what we've got here. I just hope it doesn't give me a fear of a place. I was never the same after seeing the 2004 Dawn of the Dead movie. I never went to a mall for months after seeing that movie back when I was ten. Then again this could be interesting seeing as how I like its theme. Okay I'e stalled enough time to watch another generic zombie movie." I said as I took the VHS out of its box Turning my TV on I put the VHS into the VHS player and proceeded to watch 28 Days Later.... 104 or so minutes later... Youtube Video I was huddled into my covers in a fetal position as I continued to watch the movie. I have never been so terrified in my life. I watched as events played out. Then, I heard the theme I listened to on YouTube before. Oh god I understand where it came from now. AND I'M TERRIFIED AS HELL! WHY THE FUCK DID I WATCH THIS HOME ALONE?! I watched as the minutes passed and Jim's rampage continued. Gad damn it Joey! HOW DO YOU ALWAYS FIND THINGS TO GET ME TERRIFIED?! WAS 2004'S DAWN OF THE DEAD NOT ENOUGH?! WERE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! I then watched as, Jim, attacked, Major West, and gouged his eyes out. I did something, I swear, the entire neighborhood, even my parents in town could hear. I screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A year later... Jesus h Christ, I thought this business trip with dad and Joey to England would help me relax because of all the stress eighth grade is putting on me, but nooooooo, Joey and his little movie location scouting has to ruin everything again! I just wanna go to Taco Bell and have a Baja Blast, that's the best kind of drink Mountain Dew's ever produced. Goes well with Oxycodone too! Okay I've found the location so what's it thi-thi-thi-thi-thi-thi- my lip was quivering, flashbacks of 28 Days Later went through my mind as I saw where I was. Trafalgar Park, or more specifically, in front of the mansion that gave me nightmares for months. Joey told me it's name when we last saw each other after I saw 28 Days LAter. I didn't think he'd send me here! In return, I did the one thing I did last time. I screamed out of pure terror. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" End Flashback... "Emily?! Are you okay?!" I quickly snapped out of my little PTSD trip and looked at Spoiled. "Uh, yeah, I'm alright. I, was just spacing out." I reassured That was a lie and I know it. God damn you Joey! If you aren't dead already you're on my enemy's list! "Well, let's head inside shall we?" I said Oh holy hell this is all I've ever dreamed of, minus the Rage Virus, but still! "Diamond Tiara! Get down here this instant!" Spoiled called up to the 2nd floor "Coming!" I heard a new voice call Ummmmmmm, was I hearing that right? That voice sounded WAY too familiar! Wait a second. Twilight's name's kind of familiar too... wait a second. Wait, another flashback?! What is this episode, Felix's Mind on steroids?! Flashback, Emily is now fouteen and just about to start high school... Was that age thing a retcon? I don't even know anymore! Ugh. I need some talks about my contract. Wait are we rolling? Whoops! 4th wall break! Sorry! "This is Story of the Blanks. It's a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan game." Ashley told me as the play button appeared on the NES cartridge showing My Little Pony "Seriously? Ashley I know you tend to get into the craziest of things, hell you told me you were a furry last year for Pete's sake and converted me too. But this is the craziest." I said, "My Little Pony? Really? That's a show from the 80's made for five year old girls. Gen 2 of it was pretty rank, Gen 3 was just a migraine, Gen 3.5 was hell, but they made ANOTHER reboot of the series? What is this the 4th time?! What makes it so different from the others that it has a fanbase around it?!" "If you would watch it you would know." Ashley said "Ashley, I'm an Oxycodone addict. You know this. My family knows it. Mom especially. But it will take more than just Oxycodone to get me to enjoy anything I'm suppost to be out grown over." I said, "especially this little fan game." "This little fan game is more than just a fan game. It has its own lore and fans too." Ashley said "I'll believe it when I see it." I said, "Lets just play the damn game." Later... As I played Applebloom exited the now blacked out building and I was panting. "Okay let's see what we've uncovered so far. Number one, a strange town that canon wise IS NO WHERE ON THE EQUESTRIA MAP FROM WHAT YOU TELL ME! Number two, THERE'S A FUCKING DEAD HORSE IN THAT CABIN! FUCK THIS SHIT! AB LETS GET OUT OF HERE!" I shouted as I moved Applebloom out of the 2sppoky4me area, and into hell, "WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT HAPPENED TO SUNNY TOWN?!" Ashley was laughing. "YOU KNEW SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN WOULDN'T YOU?!" I asked her She just continued to laugh. "SCREW YOU ASHLEY!" I shouted Then, as I pressed through any text that appeared, I saw the walking skeleton. "MONKEY ON A STICK! IT'S THE FUCKING ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE OF A FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL'S NIGHTMARES!" Ashley just laughed harder. Later... "PONY BAD, PONY BAD, BAD PONY, BAD!" I shouted as I ran towards the entrance, "WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I MOVE?! AHHH! GET YOUR ASS AWAY FROM MY ASS IT'S NOT YOURS! FUCK I'M CORNERED! WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO KILL AB?! SHE'S AWESOME! Wait, what the fuck? OH THANK YOU MITA, THANK YOU!" "Do you ALWAYS get like this when playing a simple game Emily?!" Ashley laughed "FUCK YOU!" I shouted, "I LIKE TO GET INVESTED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE! WHAT THE FUCK?! SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS EVERYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE, YOUR ASS DEPENDS ON IT! BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH!" Ashley began laughing and going into coughing fits. "OH FUCK IT'S BLACK! I CAN'T SEE SHIT WHERE THEY ARE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?! WHAT ARE THESE FOOTPRINTS?! AB JUST WANTS TO GO HOME! LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!" Ashley's laughing and coughing echoed. End Flashback... Holy shit now I know why Twilight's a familiar name now! I'M IN THE FUCKING MLP WORLD! Wait a second that can't be right though. I mean they're all anthros. And I might've never seen the show before, but it's based on a franchise called My Little PONY, not My Little ANTHRO. Wait a second, oh shit what if this IS the MLP universe?! Was the version I knew back on Earth a cover up?! Nah, only an idiot would think that if they never heard of multiverse theory. Soooo. I'm in an alternate MLP world. Well I could've ended up in some place worse. Come to think of it, why didn't I recognize Twilight's name until now? I mean I've never seen an episode of the show or read any fan fics, all I know about MLP is from Story of the Blanks, and Super Filly Adventure. Both of which I can barely even remember! Well except for those Blanks and Blood Hooves. WHY IS IT I CAN'T REMEMBER OTHER STUFF, BUT HORROR THINGS I CAN REMEMBER LIKE AS IF I'VE SEEN THEM ALL MY DAMN LIFE?! I think I better lay off the Oxycodone for a week, I think it's probably doing something to my memory. But anyways, if I had to guess as to WHY I couldn't remember Twilight and her friends, I guess it would be because I never really cared about watching the show. I mean I HEARD that there would be an episode about zombie ponies from Ashley, but I just looked at her like as if she just said the craziest thing in the world because while Gravity Falls and Fosters managed to get their zombie episodes past the censors, there is no way a show for five year old girls will get that past the censors. I'll be damned impressed if they did somehow go through with it. I'll bet it was probably a cluster fuck though. Cartoon writers just have to learn the hard way that zombies are fit for the movies and not children's TV. 28 Days Later pretty much rewrote the zombie constitution when it came out, and that film wasn't even about zombies. Just comes to show that films that aren't about a certain genre can rewrite that genre's constitution without even knowing it. I mean from what my niece Jackie told me, 28 Weeks Later tried to do it again and while it didn't work, it's still considered an amazing squeal. Makes me wonder what a 28 Months later is gonna do if it ever happens. Lightning can't strike twice, or can it? Wait what was I doing again? Oh, right. Damn Diamond's sure taking her time. "Ugh, man Diamond's slow. I could sing Modern Major General quicker than her arrival." I said "She might be doing this to annoy me. Go ahead." Spoiled said I cleared my throat and began. "♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;a I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. ♪ Where's the chorus?! ♪ I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's; I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous; ♪ Okay Freeman was right this song's kind of dated. It's suppost to be MODERN Major General, I'm gonna add in the Freeman's Mind verse. ♪ I can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time or graph out an electron path while using only numbers prime I calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards and perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards. I can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one too or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them out of the blue from SMGs to RPGs I carry quite an arsenal and skip around a warzone like a subatomic particle ♪ Still no chorus! Come on someone sing and I promise I won't go postal!" Suddenly I heard a loud, "OW!" "Ah." I said, "Okay there we go." I cleared my throat again and continued. "♪ Every solider out here wants to kill me for my curiosity I wage war on the whole damn world because of my tenacity in matters combat tactical and physics theoretical I am the very model of a modern major general. ♪ Okay nobody's even trying to sing along I quit." And then I saw what I presumed to be Diamond Tiara. Huh, pink fur, purple and white mane, a Diamond Tiara on her head, pink diamond earrings, a pink diamond necklace, silver bracelet, white and yellow jacket thing, black shirt, white and black skort, yellow and white boots with a weird black stripe and pink diamond thing on it, and wow she's shorter than me. And I'm five foot 9. Soooo. What now? ................... Episode 4 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 4 Ohhhhhhkaaaaaaaaaaaay. Well that's not exactly the first words I wanted to hear out of my new sister. "This is your new sister." Spoiled said "No. Really, mom, what is it." Diamond said "Really, Ms. Tiara, this is your new sister." Randolph said Diamond just looked at me as I gave her a patient smile. "You look somewhat like a human." Diamond said "Yeah, I mean, I do look somewhat like a human." I said "I see." She said, "I have to go meet up with the Crusaders." And then she left semi slamming the door making me wince. "She seemed upset." I said "Well to be honest I never had an intention of adopting you, but there's just something about you with your enthusiasm and dream of being rich that drove me crazy." Spoiled said Oookay then. "Why have you had that dream anyways?" Spoiled asked me "I'll explain but first, Randolph, could you please take my backpack to my room wherever that may be, and be careful with it please!" I said "Yes Ms. Summers." Randolph said before going upstairs "Well, overall it had to do with my biological dad. He was a business guy who took trips across the world to expand his business. I don't exactly remember what he did but I know it involved sea and air trading. Most of the money he made had to go to his workers, bills, and taxes. I never really got to see him much since he was always traveling, but the times when he did come home was either for vacation, sleep, or giving me and my mom a gift from one of his trips." I explained "What was his name?" Spoiled asked "Jake Summers." I answered, "My mom's name was Mary J. Summers. My mom, was kind of a drug addict. I won't go too much into it, but overall her side of the family was consumed by, and is made up of, nothing but drug addicts of some kind. My mom was seriously addicted to Mary J/Pot, Ironic if you think about it, and Oxycodone, most of the money came out of dad's pocket too." "Why didn't he divorce her?!" Spoiled asked "Dad always thought mom could change, that some day she would just stop, but after my birth she just did it even more. Though I was getting suspicious of him lately before I arrived that he might be cheating on mom." I stated, "I found these letters in Japanese as well as dick helping dad learn Japanese. Now the disk thing was normal since dad had a disk of every language possible which he would pop out and listen to should he ever travel to a county or nation that can't speak English well. But what wasn't normal was that ever since I found those love letters he's been not only been speaking in Japanese more, but also writing in Japanese as well." "Does your mom know?" Spoiled asked "No. And even if she did she'd be too drugged up to even care. Her memory was never really the best anyways." I explained, "But then again that's what my whole life has been like. Drugs, lies, cheating, stealing, it's life though." "You're taking all of it rather well though. Are you okay?" Spoiled asked "Are you kidding me? My life is pretty much the life of a troubled past over powered Mary Sue OC, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MOCKERY YOU CAN GET FOR THAT?! A LOT!" I said, "I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH BEING MADE FUN OF AND BEING HATED FOR MY BACKSTORY FOR THE PAST YEARS, AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Some day those people are gonna learn some people DO have that kind of backstory and just have to deal with it! Hell it's better than just being left in the dark for a long time and not knowing what it is that motivates them until they reveal it before they unknowingly die! I'm glad I left Earth there's too many psychos on that damn planet anyways. Humanity is pretty much gonna be its own ultimate demise if that kind of stuff keeps up where we judge people based on their backstory and not wondering what the future holds for them after revealing said backstory. Their backstory could be tragic like mine, but in the end it wouldn't even matter because they might have a bright future ahead of them. Another could be Mary Suish, and ultimately be their ultimate demise in the future. And it works both ways too-" Spoiled was looking kind of worried at me. "Sorry. I tend to go on rambles like that whenever I get invested into a topic." I explained, "It's best to just let me go on until I get tired, last time someone interrupted me when I was rambling, well lets just say he got A LOT of verbal abuse from me." "Noted." Spoiled said "Soooo, where am I gonna be sleeping?" I asked So after taking out everything in my backpack and putting it in certain places in the originally guest bedroom, now my room, and started thinking. "What's my purpose of being here? Why am I here? Is this all just some crazy experiment by DMan? Hell if I know." I said to myself "I wouldn't exactly call it a experiment." Suddenly I felt like I couldn't move, and out of a white portal came DMan. "YOU!" I shouted, "What do you want!" "I've just simply come to tell you something extremely important and answer a few of your questions." DMan said, "But I feel before I give any info, you should have the liberty of getting some questions answered." "First off, who are you?!" I asked "My real name is Discord. I am one of the many versions of the spirit of chaos and disharmony." He answered "Why do you call yourself more important?" "Because, Emily, I've managed to do what other Discords only dream of. I've actually managed to go to other universes, without being immediately recognized. I've went under the name DMan and based my looks off of him because of his mystery in the Half Life universe. Half Life was my first real knowledge of the human world." "Why did you destroy my old home?!" "Unfortunately, I couldn't risk having it being known that my Displacer had been found. You never know if another Discord might be nearby seeing as they usually like to pluck humans from Earth every now and then and give them a hard and funny time. So I did what GMan did. Destroyed the place the MC was in. Right now Grainger High is a crater from a military cover up of the Half Life creatures I used. I was going to use Race X, but I felt Xen creatures more suiting." "Okay then. Well how did two biology students locate your Displacer anyways? It looked like it was just shipped in." "That was actually a disguise I placed on it when I never used it. But when I lost it, it must've ended up underground somehow and was located by two expelled students with metal detectors looking for money and such on school grounds. Why they were doing it there, I'm not sure. Possibly trying to show they changed or something?" "How did you even lose your Displacer anyways?" "It was a long time ago. Back when I didn't look like this. I'm actually from this universe if it helps to calm you. Back then when I was working on a way to travel to other universes, and not playing Half Life or Opposing Force, I was working on that Displacer. That Displacer you know was actually a prototype until I made another that, when Celestia and Luna found me, I absorbed out of frightfulness and after teleporting into a black void, I pretty much became the GMan. I even adopted his look, kind of, as you can see." "IIIIIII, can." I said, "But where's your Displacer now?" "Somewhere in this Equestria right now. I don't know where, but I know it teleported itself before I could retrieve it. I don't know how or why, but it did." He explained "Is my family okay?" I asked "Unfortunately, no. The military saw through the found security footage that somehow you were still alive and teleporting. So they went after your family and killed them as part of the cover up." Aw man! First Ashley, and now my parents?! IS THIS RIDE OF EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME GONNA NEVER END?! "Well, uh, why did you let me go when I asked to be given a second chance at life?" "At first I didn't want to let you have a second chance, but I remembered that without the essential food and water humans can die quickly. So I had a change of heart. I'm not that heartless of a person. But I was still right. You're in a place where you can do no possible harm, and no harm can come to you. Kind of." "Well, what did you mean by new weapons?" "I'm not at liberty to say. Lets just say that if you had a H.E.C.U marine outfit on and this was an Opposing Force mod, you would see seven weapon slots." Ohhhhh hell yeah! "Well, did you injure me and knock me out? I was told i was found knocked out and wounded." "No." "No?! Well who did?!" "You'll find out soon. It's the same answer for if you're wondering if I comatosed you." "Well, what did you mean when you said you couldn't leave my world?" "I banished myself to your world until I found the prototype Displacer. As you can see, I did. I did it out of embarrassment, because a Discord without his favorite tool is like a yodel without a 'a-he hoo!' You get me?" "Yeaaah? Well, uh, um, what did you mean by loose ends needing to be tied up?" "There are two answers to that. Number one, I've always wanted to use GMan's speech to Shephard. And number two, fixing some problems other Discords have made to your world. More specifically fixing problems done by Discords dressing as the Resident Evil 4 merchant and giving unsuspecting humans items that will send them to other Equestrias. I fear that it may still be going on, but I will get to those, if and when another come around again." "Well, why did you wanna keep e in stasis in the first place?" "Like I said, I'm a Discord that has a personal fascination with humans like you. Your kind reminds me of myself when I was a teenager. Hotheaded, an asshole at times, tragic past, it's people like you who think they're on top of the mountain, when in reality you are going to be despised by everyone who reads about you because people can't see a Random and Comedy tag if it was right in front of them." He then turned to look at you the reader with a crazy look in his eyes. "I'm watching." He then turned back to Emily. "Anyways, it's people like you who always end up being despised for how bland they are. Constantly using jokes from other medium, trying to be as hip and edgy as can possibly be! Take it from me kid you have to learn to sometimes smack yourself in the face and say, this isn't going to work and make something original for a change." "But all I know is to use jokes from other medium." "Well you ain't gonna get far with that, trust me, I've seen other fics with potential fall because of that." "What?" "You'll understand one day, but I think you get the point." He said, "Any other questions?" "Yeah, were there other witnesses?" "Yes. The football coach, a few outside cops just to name a few." "So quiet a few people saw what was going on?" "Yes. But to prevent something like me killing the witnesses and then killing the witnesses to me killing the witnesses, etc. I decided to just simply destroy GHS." "Well, who are your so called friends?" "GMan and his employers." "YOU'VE MET GMAN AND HIS EMPLOYERS?!" "Multiverse theory." "Oh yeah." "Gman was usually rather impressed with all I was doing on Earth and offered me a job. It was one I couldn't deny." He said, "My time here grows short. Was there one last question you wanted to ask?" "Yeah, who yelled back rubs at me?!" "Oh that was me. I just got through seeing episode 61 of Freeman's Mind and thought it would be funny to do that." He explained, "Well, my time here is up. I'm sorry for if I couldn't answer any new questions you have right now Emily, but we will meet each other soon. Farewell for now." He then left through another portal leaving me alone to think. Episode 5 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 5 Soooo. What now? Well I've learned a whole lot of stuff, but at the same time I've got just even more questions now. I even just realized I should've asked him how he knew my name. Okay so what are a few questions I should ask him next time I see him? Well outside of that obvious one, what even is his job with GMan and his employers? Does everyone in Equestria even think he's still alive? Has any even changed because of this? Do other Discords know about DMan's accomplishment? Do other Discords know that DMan's fixing their messes? I need some rest. I quickly pulled off my cloths and went straight to sleep. Yeah I sleep in the nude so what? Don't tell me you haven't tried it at least once. I awoke to find myself, in a dark room? Uhhhh, where am I? Am I dreaming? I must be since i just went to sleep. Okay what if I turn around? I turned around to see a H.E.C.U Marine Power Armor Vest and the same gas mask Adrian Shephard wore. Sweet! I ran into them and a power up noise came and I saw health and a armor power reading in the bottle left of my vision. Eeyup, this is a dream. I turned back around to see I was now in some kind of forest. A forest? Man I could dream of WAY better scenario than this! Waaaait a second. This isn't another one of my visions is it? For those who don't know, I have this gift where I can foresee events before they can ever occur. I never know when it happens, so when it does it comes as a surprise to me. Don't think of it as a OP Mary Sue thing, it only happens to warm me of anything that might embarrass me, or put me in total danger. It's a rare occurrence, so don't expect it EVERY chapter. I went through my inventory and found I had seven inventory slots. All in rows of three except for seven and six which had only two. I went to slot one. Items were a Pipe Wrench, Combat Knife, and a Spear. I checked slot two. There was a Glock 17, Colt Python, and Desert Eagle with laser sight. Slot 3, MP5 with a grenade attachment, M4 with no grenade attachment, and SPAS-12. Slot 4, RPG with a tracking laser sight, Gluon Gun, and Tau Cannon. Those two came at a surprise. What the hell?! This really is a dream! Well, anyways, slot 5, hand grenades, satchel charges, and laser claymore trip mines. Slot 6, M249 S.A.W and Sniper Rifle. Slot 7, jars of ink which made me slip, and a rod producing electricity. Damn I've got quiet the arsenal. Maybe this won't be such a bad dream. I then heard the cry of a poison headcrab zombie. Okay I take it back, this is a living nightmare! I quickly pulled out the M249 and prepared myself. Oh please god let this suit have the nerotoxin cure. I was waiting and then I heard running footsteps. Pulling out some binoculars I saw- WHAT THE FUCK?! A BLOOD HOOF?! AW HELL NAW! HELL NAW! I fired a shit ton of bullets into the zombie and tore it to shreds with the M249's bullet barrage. Ha ha! Take that you Blank rip off! Uhhh, why the hell is Nuclear Mission Jam playing? I quickly pulled up my binoculars and- oh. Ohhhhhh! I SEE WHY NOW! HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S A DAMN HOARD OF BLOODY HOOVES, RAGE VIRUS ZOMBIES, AND BLANKS! FUCK I DON'T THINK I'VE GOT ENOUGH BULLETS FOR THIS SHIT! UH, DMAN ANY TIME NOW! HELP! GAH FUCK ME SIDEWAYS I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WAIT! I'M GONNA BE A FUCKING PILE OF LIMBS IF I DON'T ACT NOW! I blasted all of my M249 bullets at the hoard. DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE! The numbers slowly thinned out, but soon my M249 was out of bullets. I quickly switched to the MP5 out of fear and started using the grenades. There were only 3 and those only made the hoard somewhat thin. Damn, damn, damn, damn! They're getting closer! WHAT DO I DO?! I quickly pulled out the SPAS-12 and double barrel blasted the oncoming hoard. The numbers thinned again but not by much before I was out of bullets again. Okay, time for a new approach! I pulled out the Gluon Gun. OH PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE DIFFERENT AMMO THAN THE TAU CANON! I fired the beam at the hoard killing some by slicing them in half. I ran out of ammo just as soon as it was down to just a few left. I switched to the Tau Canon, OH THANK GOD IT USED DIFFERENT URANIUM AMMO,but it was too late! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEONE HELP ME!" "BEGONE WRETCHED CREATURES!" Suddenly lightning came down eradicating the hoard and putting me into a peaceful valley filled with flowers. "What the?! Did I do that?!" I asked myself out loud "No. It is our doing." I turned around to see- what the fuck?! Sh was a dark blue alicorn with a long flowing mane glistening of stars, her tiara was pure black as well as her royal like apparel. "Whoa! Did I take Oxycodone in my sleep again?" I asked myself, "Because that's the only way I'd imagine a hot babe like that in my dreams." She seemed to blush. "Flattering. But no. I am not a figment of your dreams. I am Princess Luna. The princess of the night and guardian of dreams." She stated, "It is my duty to help those of Equestria to seek a different path than the one they take, before they wind up like I once did." "That's most likely stuff that's gonna be used later into the story so I'm not gonna ask what you mean. Yet." "What?" "Nothing." I said, "Sooo, why are you here?" "It has come to my attention that you are new to Equestria right?" Luna asked "Yeah." I answered "Tell me. What do you know of this DMan that Twilight' told me about?" Luna aked "He's this world's Discord who can go to other universes." I answered "THAT FOUL CREATURE IS STILL ALIVE?!" She asked in shock "Whoa, whoa, whoa! He's just been on my world cleaning up the messes other Discords have done!" I said "The messes other Discords have made?" She asked, "I don't follow." After explaining the whole situation to Luna, I think she has a better understanding of the situation. "I see. You are very lucky then." She said, "Hmmm. Emily, what do you wanna become when you grow older?" "I was thinking about joining the military, or possibly becoming a Theoretical Physicist, but I reconsidered the second I realized the military would want me to cut my hair and and I'd have to have my hair in a way as to where it wouldn't catch on fire if I was to become a Theoretical Physicist, and I like my hair like it is." I said, "As of right now, I really don't know." "Emily, as of yeasterday you're trending down a path someone else once took." Luna said, "A dark path no pony should've taken." "Excuse me?" I said, "You're not making much sense right now Luna." "You'll learn in due time Emily Summers. In due time you will learn that sometimes dreams aren't always worth chasing." She then flew up into the sky and everything started to go hazy. I soon awoke and looked around. Whoa. Now that was trippy dippy. I soon put on my cloths and put my backpack on putting the pipe wrench inside. Hey ya can't exactly be too careful now can ya? Heading downstairs I yawned closing my eyes before quickly opening them as soon as I felt I bumped into someone. I saw it was Randolph. "Sorry Randolph. Didn't see ya there." I said with a sly giggle "It's alright Ms. Summers. Mrs. Rich wanted to see you outside." Randolph said "Oh really? Huh, wonder what she wants." I said to myself I went outside and was met with Spoiled holding her hands behind her back. Okay either she has something for me, or she's secretly got her fingers crossed. Either way, I'm not ready for either of them. Okay maybe the former I do, but I'm still not sure. "Emily." Spoiled said getting my attention, "You are my daughter now. You know this." "Yea? So?" I asked She moved her hands out forward and- am I still dreaming? I mean there is no way real, I mean she just placed a diamond tiara on my head! Er, not my sister, I mean, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Well, might as well check to see if I am dreaming, can't hurt to check can it? I raised part of my shirt and put my hand on my side- YEOWCH! And pinched myself. "Okay I am certainly not dreaming." I said outloud "I gave you that tiara so that ponies may recognize you for who you are. Emily, I want you to show your fellow classmates in school that you mean business, that you aren't as weak as your sister is, that you will not fall for what those Crusaders have to say. They are below you, remember that." "In other words keep doing what I've always been doing." "Excuse me?" "Oh please I already knew those that aren't like me are below me. AND I HAVE A TIARA TO PROVE IT NOW JOEY!" "Why are you screaming into the sky? And who's Joey?" "Someone who, if he was here right now, would be getting the I told you so dance." Spoiled just looked confused. "Don't judge me." I said So. I'm going to a school for foals. Well if there's any way I'm gonna learn anything about this world going to school seems like the only logical coarse of action. Also from what I've told Spoiled about my school system, Ponyville has no High School, or Middle School, since it was founded by Earth Ponies. That doesn't exactly make a whole lot of sense, but I'm in a world full of anthropomorphic ponies who can use magic and fly, what do I have to argue with when everything around here would make Issac Newton go crazy and lay an egg within a matter of seconds of seeing this world. Every bit of logic I had back on Earth has been completely thrown out the damn window, and who the hell knows if any of my eleventh grade knowledge is gonna help me. As long as it doesn't involve math I'll be good. Math has gotta be the one subject everyone hates about school. I mean a shit ton of that stuff is not even needed for people who's going for a regular diploma, I mean a lot of it is just for people who seek advanced jobs and wanna try to make a business from the word go. If I was still back on earth I would show them that it's possible to get rich from earning your way there. But, here I am, living the rich life, I guess, from the word go. Man this all feels like some kind of giant experiment, like this is all just one big test to see what would happen if someone who's clearly had a lot of thinking and time on their hands to be put in this type of scenario and see where everything went from there. Maybe this is all just an experiment. Maybe I'm just in purgatory because maybe I'm actually dead. Who knows where this new life is gonna take me. Just as long as I don't have to do a giant story that makes half to no sense all the time, Then again I could use some more weapons. I mean a Pipe Wrench is good and all, but even that starts to grow dull over time. I don't think I've even used it at all this entire story. I mean outside of breaking that glass that proved to be pointless, the only actual weapon I used was the Colt Python, but I got to use one damn bullet. That's not exciting. Suddenly I heard the sound of a Glock 17 going off. What the?! I went towards the sound through the trees and came out to a clearing where there was a- wait WHAT THE HELL?! IS THAT ME?! Oh wait it's just a random useless OC that just so happens to have my clothing minus a few in some areas. This feels like deja vu for some reason. I bet there's probably others out there that suffers the same problem. They find a dead body, somehow come to the conclusion it's them, but then realize it's just a random OC pony that looks like them. I mean how would you even come to the conclusion that it's yourself in the first place?! Time travel?! I'm pretty sure if this was me I would've felt something by now. That's what happens when a version of your from the future dies right? Time travel's weird, I'm just giving myself a headache thinking about it. Okay let's see how he/she died. Hmmm. Okay no bullet holes from the looks of things, claw marks allover the body, what looks to be a hole in the stomach presumably by a large piercing object, looks like she got mauled to death and got pierced. But how though? I didn't hear anything that sounded like animal that could maul her to death or even pierce her. I just heard gunshots and that's it. Ah well. Free weapon! I'll take that! Okay let's see here. Hmm. Hey wait a minute! This isn't a Glock 17! This is a Beretta M9! It's just got the damn clip size of a Glock 17! What the hell! Either someone put in the high definition graphics of my life, or these ponies don't know their guns! Ehhh I'll go for the later being correct. I mean if humans are part of Equestrian mythology they probably know all about humans having guns. They probably just can't tell the names of some of them. Oh cool some extra ammo. Okay replace the clip, done. Now to just put these into my backpack and get the hell out of here. Come to think of it, how the hell is my backpack even capable of holding all this? I mean it makes more sense then having 1,000 of TVs on your person to hold everything, I'm looking at you Silent Hill, and naturally a backpack can help in the most crucial of ammo situations. Why else do soldiers even have back packs in the first place other than to carry around the the essentials? Man if I was saying this out loud and Ashley was here she'd be going, "You're just saying all that to make you feel big Emily, like usual you're just overthinking things." WELL WHO'S OVERTHINKING NOW?! I HAVE A GUN! Well, time to go to school with a gun in my backpack. Episode 6 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 6 You know I just realized that Discord never told me what he was wanting to say to me. We must've been caught in so much talking that he must've forgotten. Ah well, what can ya do. Whoa, now that school defiantly looks like something out of the 1900's. I mean just look at it! Red, a bell, one room from the looks of things, this is so 1900's it's not even funny! I'd say 1900's or 1930's. Somewhere around there. Maybe earlier I don't really know. I looked around to see different foals, even Diamond hanging out with a grey filly. Wonder what she's saying. Suddenly I heard the bell. Whoa, no time to chit chat gotta go inside! I quickly looked through my back pack to make sure everything was there and sure enough Pipe Wrench, Beretta M9, and its ammo was there. Okay enough standing around time to go inside. Okay I'm inside and everyone is staring at me. Not exactly a good first impression. Oh hey it's Diamond! "Hey sis!" I called out to her She just growled and slammed her head into her desk which made me giggle. "Excuse me, are you new?" I heard a new voice "Yeah. So?" I asked turning around If this was an anime I would be nose bleeding right now. Because I was now staring at a fine looking pair of boobs, I'll be it covered up by clothing. I then took a step back to get a better look at, what I assumed to be, the teacher had a Moderate cerise type of fur color, her mane and tail was Pale, light grayish rose with with light ceriseish gray stripes, her eye color was that of a Grayish harlequin while her fingernails were painted like her mane stripes. Her outfit was that of a rolled up long sleeved button up white shirt with a brown sweater vest over it. Her dress was that of long green one with a flower pattern on it, while on her legs she wore brown stockings and 4.5 inch black high heels. She was dressed like a teacher alright. Damn my female teacher fetish. "Oh-oh my goodness. You're that human aren't you!" She said in surprise "Yeah, so? And how do you even know about me already?" I asked "You were spotted by quiet a few ponies and word spreads quickly around this small town." She explained SMALL TOWN MY ASS! TRYING TO GET FROM THE ORPHANAGE TO SPOILED'S HOUSE NEARLY KILLED ME! "I also heard you were adopted by Spoiled Rich judging from the tiara on your head." "Indeed." I heard whispers among the students. Oh great, what did I do now?! "You know it's rather quiet convenient that you've appeared." She said before going over to the chalkboard A chalkboard? Really? I'm not even gonna ask. Actually I am! Just what is this world's technology level?! Can I not get a simple answer?! Let me guess though, I'm never gonna get a straight answer to that question am I? Wait, did she just say it was convenient that I appeared? "Convenient? What do you mean convenient?" I asked "Today's lesson is continuing to look at ancient Human Mythology!" She said There was collective groans from the students. They apparently didn't like that. But I do. "Oh sweet Celestia where are my manners today!? I'm sorry Miss-" "Summers. Emily Summers." "I'm sorry Ms. Emily Summers, but I've just been so busy lately, combined with-" I raised my hand and she stopped talking. "Teach-" "Ms. Cheerilee-" "Cheerilee. Just zip it. I can understand. Just get on with the lesson. If you want, I can stay up here and tell you if that myth is true or not." I said Cheerilee just nodded. "There we go." I said, "Now onto the lesson shall we?" "Yes. Lets." Cheerilee said now sweating She acts like she's never seen a human before. Oh wait... "Anyways, can anypony tell the class and Ms. Summers what the last Human Myth was?" Sis raised her hand. Whoa, where did that come from?! "Yes Diamond Tiara?" "Humans were the inventors of today's modern teleportation." She said "Now we didn't!" I said loudly, "Teleportation was a far cry before I vanished. It was all just Science-Fiction, totally fake, and nothing more because the government was always wasting their tax return dollars on useless shit rather than advancing our technology or trying to advance our relations with other nations." There was a cry of sadness among the kids. "Tell me about it." I said "Well kids, today's mythology is why we like what we are." Cheerilee said, "Basically why are built like this." Humans were what gave birth to these anthros? I can dig it. "Summers, do you mind answering these foals questions if they have any after the lesson?" "Just as long as it doesn't involve penises, the plague, or the president of Azerbaijan." I said "Anyway." Cheerilee began, "It is a commonly believed myth among ponies that our biology came from humans. We have hands and feet just like Ms. Summers and vice versa." It's creepy to me. Ad it always will be creepy. "From ancient artifacts gathered overtime, scientist and philosophers have concluded that somewhere in the past, a nuclear radiation explosion wiped out all the humans." Makes sense. Ever since the United States learned that Cuba was holding nuclear warheads from Russia there was always the threat of a nuclear war. Looks like it finally happened. "It is said that those humans that did survive the explosion, never knew of the nuclear radiation's unforeseen mutations afterwords. It is said that they mutated and became just like us. Some killed themselves out of fear, others went into hiding, while others changed their names and started new lives." I'm starting to get a very Fallout right now. Also, man, some people killed themselves after mutating? Damn I and I thought I had appearance issues. I mean, I almost go crazy if my hair isn't exactly like I want it to be, that's why I usually like to cut my own hair, but damn I mean that's overdoing it a little don't ya think? I mean at least try to adjust to your new body before flying off the handle like that. "Ms. Cheerilee, I have a question." I said "Yes, Ms. Summers?" Cheerilee asked "How exactly did they find the remains of a human? I mean I know archaeology is the obvious answer, but just HOW? I know humans are all suppost to be myths and these myths are suppost to help explain why some of the stuff you have right now exists, but if a nuclear explosion did go off, I'm pretty sure human remains would not exactly be around. From what I know, nuclear bombs are suppost to destroy any type of living organism within it's explosion range and everything be it bones or wood is living matter. Logically there's no way a nuclear explosion caused all of you to exists. But even if a nuclear explosion did happen and a human skeleton SOMEHOW managed to survive, scientifically, everyone on the planet wouldn't mutate into anthropomorphic ponies, but get all kinds of random mutations or just get obliterated from the explosion itself. Obviously the only way I can see how a human skeleton was found is that humans went extinct somehow and ponies along with some other types of animals evolved an turned into anthropomorphic animals with some of them breeding or fusing, somehow, to make once mythical creatures a reality." I think I might be taking too many science classes. Are they wide eyed and jaw dropped yet? Eeyup, they're wide eyed jaw dropped. Fantastic, Emily, you blew the minds of your classmates once again! Jesus tap dancing Christ can I go ONE DAY without something like that happening to me?! "I was a high school Junior before I arrived in Equestria." I explained At this rate I might as well just be in a hazard suit and called Emily Freeman. Now if only I had a crowbar... "Uh, can you please stop staring at me now it's kind of creepy." I said They were suddenly pointing behind me. "What? There's something behind me?" I asked They nodded. What? What could be behind me that made them like this? Well I'll just turn around and- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! " I jumped back in surprise hitting my head on Cheerilee's desk. "MOTHER F- MEDIC!" I shouted holding my head I looked back at the entrance way to see Discord/DMan- OH MOTHER OF GOD MY HEAD HURTS! Okay, I need a quick lie down! Episode 7 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 7 Oh god my head. Okay I think the pain's gone now. I got off of the floor and went to Discord. "What is it you want now!" I asked I heard the sound of a teleportation noise and now we- what the fuck?! Holy hell this is the place where Corporal Adrian Shephard was in stasis! I looked to my left to- OH MY GOD! AHHHHHHHH! IT'S ADRIAN SHEPHARD! I let out a loud fan girl scream which caused Adrian to look at me- HOLY FUCK HE'S LOOKING AT ME! "What the? Um hi, I wasn't expecting company so don't mind the place being a little dirty." He said EEEEEE! HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE SHEPHARD'S MIND SHEPHARD! EEEEEEEEEEEEE- "Sorry for the rude interuption Corporal Shephard, but we needed the space." Discord said, "Just don't mind us." EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- okay that's enough. "Emily, we spent so much time talking last time we met, that I forgot to tell you something important." Discord said "Lay it on me." I said "You may have noticed a random OC Pony that sort of looked like you during your trip to school am I right?" Discord asked "Yeah?" I asked in a puzzled voice "Well Emily, that OC, was you." Discord said "EXCUSE ME!?" I shouted THAT RANDOM OC REALLY WAS ME?! "WHAT?! HOW?! WHY?! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!" "All in due time Ms. Summers. All in due time. For the time me and Gman have agreed that for now, you'll need to figure this little puzzle on your own." Discord said "B-b-b-but-" "No need in arguing Ms. Summers. The decision has already been made." Discord said "Umm, can I please be set free now?" Shephard asked, "And could I possibly have Sparky, Gill, and Barney back?" "Your time will come Corporal, your time will come." Discord said, "Just be patient." "I'm running out of patience, I'm hungry, thirsty, I just want to see some action." Shephard said "Hmmmm." Discord moaned, "I might be able to work a little something with Gman and his employers to do something with you. But for now just stay patient." Shephard just grumbled causing me to fan girl giggle. "Soo. Where are ya dropping me off this time?" I asked "Somewhere that'll give you a clue as to what exactly is going on." Discord said, "But be warned Emily Summers, you're about to enter a path others have taken, and said path is one many have not come back from, because you see Emily Summers for there are many trials ahead of you, and each trial is more treacherous than the last." Yawn. All I heard was; you're going down a dangerous path, blah blah, you're going to go on an adventure weather you like it or not, blah blah, Irony is a bitch, blah blah, there's gonna be trials a.k.a boss battles, blah blah, there may or may not be some bigger story behind this whole thing, blah blah, I may or may not find others like that random OC, blah blah, other cliche warning stuff, blah blah blah. I just wanna go home right now, forget about all this, and NOT be a hero. I heard a teleportation noise and- what the fuck? What is this some type of broken down castle? Jesus this place needs a Miley Cyrus wrecking ball bad. Okay equipment check. I shuffled around in my backpack and pulled out the Pipe Wrench. Okay I still have that. Okay place that in my pocket and.... got it! Eeyup, that's still a Beretta M9. And I've still yet to use my weapons. Where's something to shoot when you need it!? Suddenly there was the cry/warning of a... poison.... headcrab..... zombie...... NO NO NO, NO NO NO NO NO NOOO, N-NO NO NO! WHY, WHY, WHY?! AM I IN HELL RIGHT NOW?! AM I SERIOUSLY IN HELL?! Okay Emily, calm down, calm down. Maybe it was just your imagination- HOLY HELL I'M GONNA DIE! Suddenly there was the sound of falling rubble. Oh god, oh god oh god! What do I do, what do I do!? I'M FREAKING OUT! ?! What the hell?! Is that the sound of a SPAS-12?! "MOTHER FU- MEDIC!" Nice try, I already made that Black Mesa ref- wait that was a different voice. Suddenly some of the ceiling caved in and a anthro stallion clad in some kind of gold armor fell back first and got speared through his stomach from a sharp piece of rubble killing him instantly. "Okaayyyy, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED?! WHY DID THE CEILING PARTIALLY CAVE IN!? WHY WAS THERE SOMEONE EVEN ON THE CEILING?! HOW THE FUCK DID HE EVEN GET ON THE CEILING?! WHAT THE HELL WAS WITH THE DAMN POISON ZOMBIE NOISE?! AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Heavy panting. Okay, okay, I think I'm okay now. Okay time to upgrade my arsenal. I went over to the SPAS-12 to get a better look at it. Okay lets see here. Hmmm, yeah this is a SPAS-12. Okay it's got its stock folded and butt hook removed, yeah I'm keeping this. And hey shotgun ammo! Okay let's see how much ammo was in here. Okay take out the shells- two? Two was all that was left in the thing? Damn he must've been shooting a something that needed all those bullets used. Okay reloading, reloading, reloading, aannnnd.... Click there we go. Eight bullets exactly in. And four bullets left over too. Alright time to see if anyone's man enough to challenge me. After going around the rubble I exited the room. Hallways, hallways, hallways, hallways. That's all I've been seeing for the past while, nothing but hallways. There was the occasional door, but they were all locked. Why though? I mean this place is, from the look of things, abandoned, why lock everything? Is somebody else using this place? If they are, why is it in such disarray? You know, I guess Discord was kind of implying that he would send me to a place that would explain some stuff, but right now I'm not seeing anything that's explaining everything. I've just got even more damn questions. Son of a bitch- HOLY CRAP AN OPEN DOOR, YES! I rushed towards it as fast as my legs would let me and opened it further to reveal, a dark ass room. Damn it where's a flashlight when you need it?! "Squad, no sign, of life, over." It was that moment I pissed myself. H.E.C.U MARINES NOW?! OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE! Footsteps?! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I GOTTA HIDE! I quickly hid in the dark room looking through a crack I made in the door. The footsteps got louder and louder as did my heartbeats. Then I saw them. Three golden armor clad white furred stallions, one holding a M4A1, one holding a MP5, the other holding a- HOLY SHIT THAT'S A FUCKING M249 S.A.W! "I killed twelve dumb ass Everfree Creatures and not one of them falled back. This sucks." The one holding the MP5 said "Yeah but the thing is, who ordered this operation anyways?" The one holding the M4A1 asked "We came here because we were ordered to hunt down the remnants of Nightmare Moon." The one holding the M249 said, "Colonel Sky High always wanted to make sure something was dead for good and now we're here to clean up a mess those former element bearers couldn't handle." "Why don't we do that, AND kill them as well?" The one holding the M4A1 asked "Because we could get executed for treason. I mean I want call those phonies out as much as you do, but I'm not going to go to that length to do it." The one holding the M249 said, "Besides this isn't a cover up. Government cover ups are not in our job descriptions. That goes to the Night Guard." "Why do they always get the exciting jobs though? We're the Celestial Guard for fucks sake we should be doing the cover ups while the Night Guard finishes up everything!" The one holding the MP5 said "Private, we are the Celestial Guard, yes, but we have a image in the mind of the public! If we go out into the unknown doing cover ups all the time ponies are gonna get fearful of us!" The one holding the M249 said, "And right now, that's the last thing Celestia needs to worry about! Do you understand me!?" "Sir, yes sir!" The one holding the MP5 shouted The three just walked away and after seeing them disappear I exited the room. Well I'm boned. Time to continue on my way. I'm walking in hallways, so boarrd, I'm walking in hallways, fuck me, and don't it feel boooring. Jesus, how big is this place?! Well I might as well take this time to think. First off, why the hell was, essentially, Equestria's Army here? Those three were talking about wiping out the remnants of Nightmare Moon, but who the hell even is that? That freaking sounds like the name of some b list movie villain. Or hell even a c list comic book villain, actually that name wouldn't sound too out of place in a Spider-Man comic. But who even was she? Was she some sort of tyrant? Some kind of evil sorcerer? A misguided soul who fell down the dark path just because something she did was never appreciated by anyone other than herself, friends, and family? Nah that's too cliche- "SQUAD! WE'VE, GOT, HOSTILES!" I looked to see- OH SHIT! Quickly hiding behind a pile of rubble I managed to dodge the bullet barrage of a MP5. I think now I just realized something. I HAVE NO ARMOR! ONE HIT AND I'M A GOOD AS DEAD! Fuck they're coming this way! Say hello to my little SPAS-12 friend! Hey what's that clunking noise- GRENADE! Rolling out of the way I narrowly avoided the explosion, but damn did I still feel it. Fuck, I think I've got shrapnel in me now! OH FUCK THEY'RE FIRING! RUN FOREST, RUN FOREST, FOREST RUN, FOREST RUN! Okay back behind cover, great! Now what?! Um, okay lay down suppression fire, lay down suppression fire. Ngh. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I released everything blindly behind the corner screaming my head off until I heard the sound of three death noises. Then I realized I was out of ammo. There anymore? I loved over the rubble. No gunfire. Okay so far so good. Okay so I just killed some people, I don't know how to react. On one hand I could get in huge trouble for this. On the other hand I can say it was self defense and it can be justified. I mean it was only two people and they attacked first. Either way, MP5 TIME! Okay- aw gross, it's got blood on it. Okay lets see here. Huh, no M203 grenade launcher on it, thank you Half-Life Wiki, looks like I'll have to get a M4A1 to be throwing grenades everywhere. Oh good the other guys had ammo. Okay how much ammo we got in here. Hmm. 15, twenty, twenty-five ammo? Huh and this full clip is, twenty, twenty-five, thirty exactly. No fifty bullets for me then. Well for now at least. Okay reload and put the other mags in my backpack and done. Whoops. Forgot to set it to fully automatic. And now I'm done. Okay, now that I've killed some people now what do I do? Episode 8 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 8 Okay, I'm looking at this map, and I am totally confused. It showing me a giant red X in a room on the 2nd floor, but I'm not even sure if I'm even on the 2nd floor. It says here's there's a tower leading towards Nightmare Moon's old armor, but from the looks of the map I've gotta stay away from that area for now. Seriously though which fucking floor am I- ... I'm located on the 3rd floor and the stairs aren't that far away.... I really need to pay attention to maps more. Okay time to get moving Later as I walked on I came to a door that looked to be blown off its hinges. Well, I don't need this anymore, better keep though just in case I get lost. After putting the map in my backpack I switched out the MP5 with the SPAS-12. My heart was pounding as I approached the room. But then I noticed a light peaking out of it. I looked closer, and it was a flashlight. YES! OH THANK FUCKING GOD! I went over to it and picked it up. I then realized it was a simple dash from the door to the flashlight. You know it looked like it was pointing towards the wall, wonder what- OH MY GOD! Written in blood was, "MANY HAVE COME, MANY HAVE DIED. I WILL LIVE ON FOREVER, AND NO ONE WILL STOP ME." Is this the clue Discord was talking about? "Many have come, many have died. I will live on forever, and no one will stop me." I told myself, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" I'll have time to dwell on that later I need to think about some other things right now. Like why the hell did Spoiled adopt me? I know I gave her the all clear, but she said she just wanted to see if she could live up to my standards. Is there something bigger going on that I'm not aware of? I mean she even gave me a diamond tiara, and I know those things take forever to make, there's no way she had one prepared by tomorrow, unless- oh I get it now. She ALWAYS had the intention of adopting me! But for what reason though? There's bound to be an answer to everything. It's not like as if the story I'm currently trending has a planned sequel that'll just lead to a bullshit plot line never even talked about on my whole adventure up until that point right? Hell, I might even get a weapon foreshadowing said adventure later on too! Okay, I think everyone agrees in saying there's no way that's gonna happen. I mean that would just be plum out bullshit. I bet the ending of this little story of mine is gonna be me, after a final battle, meeting the creator of this little adventure and him or her explaining to me just why my adventure was made and just what the message/purpose of it was. I then took the Tiara off and looked at it. Ya know I expected this to fall off and shatter a LONG time ago. How is it even still on my head- is that a button? I pressed it and it did nothing. Well, that was anti-climactic. I then placed it back on my- YE-OUCH! WATITITITYA! MOTHER FUCKER THAT ELECTRIFIED ME! ..... Am... am I going crazy? Is- is that a health counter as well as a suit power monitor in the lower corner of my glasses?! AND A MUNITION LEVEL MONITORING THING on the right?! Wait.... I touched the pipe wrench. ...... Oh, my god. That was the weapon selection sound from Half-Life. AND IS THAT A WEAPON SELECTION SYSTEM AT THE TOP OF MY GLASSES?! I think I'm about to faint. Okay, what weapons do I have? First off, though, seven weapon selection slots?! How the fuck does it even know if I'm gonna have seven?! That doesn't even make any sense! I mean if you're gonna go through the trouble of giving me a weapon selection system don't spoil how many damn weapons I'm gonna carry I wanna figure it out on my damn own! How the fuck is this damn thing even working in the first place?! My glasses aren't modified, I'm not even wearing an H.E.V suit or Power Vest or Security Armor, so why the fuck is that shield there?! Can anything make sense in this damn world?! Does everyone see this when they put something on!? ALL I DID WAS JUST PRESS A BUTTON AND NOW SHIT'S GOTTEN ME CONFUSED! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, calm down Emily, just calm the fuck down. You feel like you're having an aneurysm, but you're fine, your body's still the same, you've got all your parts, time to haul ass out of here. I left the room and- BANG! "AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! MOTHER FUCKER MY ARM!" I shouted as I hid behind cover and pulled out my MP5 FU-HU-UH-HUCK, MY DAMN ARM! NNNNRRRRG! Shit that hurt! Wait, my life counter was 100 earlier, and now it's eighty-eight?! All I did was just get shot in the arm! Fuck, now I'm practically twelve percent dead! Or eighty-eight percent alive depending on how you look at it- HAND GRENADE! RUNNING, RUNNING, RUNNING, RUNNING, RUNINNNNNG! Boom! "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I shouted as I hid behind cover again, "WHY DID YOU THINK THROWING A GRENADE INSIDE A BUILDING THAT'S ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE IN THIS DAMN BUILDING!?!" I looked over the rubble and- HOLY FUCK I DODGED A BULLET FOR REAL! "STOP SHOOTING AT ME! I'M NOT THE ENEMY!" I shouted, "DO I LOOK LIKE SOMETHING FROM THIS DAMN FOREST?! I'M A HUMAN FOR FUCKS SAKE!" The shooting stopped. Did it work? "If you are a human tell us if this myth is true or not!" I heard a voice say "What is it?!" I asked "Did humans land on the moon!" "Uh, DUH WE DID!" I stated moving out of the way of the rock and began moving towards the Celestial Guard, "We freaking landed on the moon, and sent a space probe all the way towards Mars! Hell, even all the other far away planets like Jupiter, Saturn-" "Okay, you're human." He deadpanned He freaking interrupted me! Bastard. I moved out of the rubble and holstered my MP5 looking very furious at the Celestial Guard. They noticed it in my eyes as well. "Why the fuck did you attack me!" I shouted "Our orders were to destroy what remained of Nightmare Moon and take out anyone and anything that stood in our way." The guard holding an M4A1 said "We didn't exactly count on a human being here." The guard holding the Desert Eagle said "Here, let me patch you up." The guard with a medic armband said as he went over to my wounded arm "Thanks." I said as he tended to my wound I looked at my now-healed wound. My health was back up to 100 and my arm was moving again. "Yo, thanks." I said "How did you even get here anyways?" The Medic asked I opened my mouth to tell them, but then immediately closed it. Should I tell them? Will they arrest me if I do? Will they just kill me?.... That's a theory I don't wanna test. Better just play it safe and make up a story. "Teleportation went wrong." I said "Ah, that would explain it." The guard holding the M4A1 said, "You can never really tell when those damn spells will work." Oookay then, time to leave. I the walked towards the stairs to leave- "Hold it right there!" UGH! Now, what?! I turned to the group. "Where do you think you're going." The guard holding the M4A1 asked "Back to Ponyville, where else?" I stated "No way!" The guard holding the Desert Eagle shouted "It's dangerous out in the Everfree Forest!" The medic stated "Really? I've got a Pipe Wrench, Beretta M9, SPAS-12, and an MP5, I think I'll be okay." I said "You're gonna need a lot more than just that if you plan on living longer than two seconds out there." The guard holding the M4A1 said "Why?" I asked "As far as we know, something bizarre has happened to the creatures of this forest." The guard holding the Desert Eagle answered "How?" "For one thing, they're more hostile than usual." The medic stated "Not to mention there's some kind of one-eyed red creature wandering the forest as well." The guard holding the M4A1 said, "It already killed three of us before any of us even got to this forest. That damn red lightning coming out of its back caught us off guard." Wait. Red, one-eyed, lightning coming out of its back- HOLY SHIT! "THERE'S A FUCKING PANTHEREYE IN THAT FOREST!?" I shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK IS A CUT XEN CREATURE DOING OUT HERE?!" "You know what that thing is?!" The guard holding the M4A1 shouted "Hell yeah, I do!" I said, "It was a cut enemy from the video game Half-Life! What the fuck is it doing all the way over here?!" "We don't know. Nopony has ever seen that creature before." The guard holding the Desert Eagle answered "Please tell me you have better equipment so I can deal with that thing." I said "We do down in the foyer. Follow us." The guard holding the M4A1 said So to short it, we walked all the way down to the 1st-floor foyer where I saw a few other Celestial Guards. I checked all around the place to find some better equip- "Ohh, fuck! That's a fucking rocket launcher!" I shouted looking at the RPG in question, "Why weren't you using this?! You're fighting a Panthereye, you should've used the damned thing! Sigh But the worst part is, I can't even carry it with all the limitations on my backpack's storage. God damn it. I really wanted a rocket launcher! Ah well, not like as if I'd have any use for it after killing the Panthereye. It would be a nice trophy, but what's the point of even having one if you're only gonna use it once. That's what bugged me about Half-Life Blue Shift. You get a rocket launcher but you only ever use it once in the whole damn game where it's actually useful! Time to find some other weapons then." Oh hey, a weapons crate! I opened it up and looked through it. Hmm. Combat knife, that'll be useful for up close range attacks and vines. Oh fuck yeah, Desert Eagle with a laser sight! This'll come in handy! Sweet, M4A1! I definitely know I'll need this baby! Kick ass, hand grenades and satchel charges! Okay, that looks to be all the weaponry in this crate- . . . . is that? Oh, my god, it's an M40A1 Sniper Rifle. Weapon get sound The perfect gift for the girl who wants everything. Ohhh, you and I are gonna go places. My mind is spinning with new possibilities. You are some of the first good news I've had ever since I arrived here. Ammo get sounds Yes, I'll bring your friends. Wait what was I doing again? I kind of lost my mind after seeing the weapon of my dreams. Oh yeah, weapons! I placed the M40A1 Sniper Rifle around my arm with its strap and looked through y backpack's inventory. Damn this thing's quite crowded, how the hell did Adrian ever carry all his stuff?! Or Freeman for that matter. Or Barney as well. Okay I shouldn't be questioning game logic it's gonna hurt my brain trying to figure out how it's possible for a scientist in a backpackless suit or a security guard with no backpack to be carrying a lot of weaponry on them. Let's see if there's anything else around here, shall we? Okay, there was nothing else that peaked my interest outside of more ammo for my Beretta M9, SPAS-12, MP5, Desert Eagle, and M4A1 so I'm just gonna report back to those soldier guys and get the hell out of here. I did so and they didn't exactly look impressed. "Was that seriously all you could find?" The guard holding the M4A1 questioned "All that peeked my interest." I answered, "There was a rocket launcher, but you can see that my backpack is nearly falling off due to all the shit I'm carrying." "How are your arms not even falling off anyways?" The guard holding the Desert Eagle asked "Years of lifting heavy stuff." I said switching out my M40A1 Sniper Rifle for the SPAS-12, "Now lets move!" We then exited the foyer to outside the castle where I saw a bridge covering a deep pit. Jeese, one wrong step and I can just kiss my life goodbye. I then looked to see if there was any other way to go around it, but no luck on that. Well, time to King Kong game this. I ran across the bridge without even looking where I was going. I then looked to see I was on the other side. Sweet! I made it across. Hey, are those guys even coming? "Hey! Are you coming or what?!" I shouted at them They then shrugged and made their way down the bridge towards me. Ummm, I didn't order any ominous music! Then I heard a rustle in the bushes. "WHO'S THERE!" I shouted pointing the SPAS-12 at the bushes Then there was a flapping sound. What the- is there a bird in there? Must be a pretty big one. Possibly a bald eagle or something like that. Does this place even have bald eagles? A question for later. "Sir, I, Hear, something." The guard holding the Desert Eagle "Well no duh!" I said, "There's a bald eagle in the forest!" Then the rustling in the bush got louder and a chicken head popped up from it. "Oh. It was only a chicken." I said, "Hey false alarm guys-" "SQUAD, WE'VE, GOT, A, COCKATRICE!" The guard holding the M4A1 shouted "A cockatrice? Seriously?" I questioned, "You guys have gotta be-" It then began to fly, it's lower half looked like that of a dragon. It then opened its eyes and revealed them to be red. Okay, they weren't lying. "Whoa, I guess-" I turned around and they were stone. My face was one of complete shock. I then turned back around and- "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Episode 2Okay I've had time to think, and it looks like I've got no other option but to put my cloths on, go down to the lobby, and register to be named a new citizen. I just hope they don't try to experiment on me, that would just be my luck them wanting to experiment on me. You know come to think of it since I'm sixteen doesn't that make me an orphan? Hell if I know. I'm in a new world with new rules. This is what always bugged me about fan fictions that had a protagonist going to a new world. How the hell can someone just adjust to a new world so damn quick? Normally adjusting to a new place takes a couple of years, but no fan fic writers make the adjustment happen in a few chapters which is logic breaking at its best. I got out of bed and stripped out of my hospital gown. Time for a change I know I'm used to. Okay it looks like everything is still there. Now that I'm changed into my cloths I should probably head down to the lobby and get out of here. I opened the door and saw down the hall a stepladder with an open tool box and a pipe wrench laid out on the floor. Oh hell yes! Going over to get it I put it in my backpack. Looking up I saw that the electric wires were exposed. You know, I'm no electrician, but I'm pretty sure you don't fix an electrical problem with a pipe wrench. Ah well finders keepers. I soon found an elevator then went down to the lobby are and when it stopped at the lobby I found Redheart waiting. Damn she must be one patient woman, err, mare. "Oh there you are!" She said noticing me, "Just follow me to Town hall." I did so and started walking behind her. You know come to think of it switching from living in a world ruled by democracy to living in a world ruled by a monarchy is gonna be a tough change. I mean if anyone was in my situation they would be saying that they should be taken to the queen, but then again this is a new world with new rules so the princess must be the higher up here. I can't say that's the weirdest thing I've seen or heard today, the definitely goes to DMan. Man how am I even going to explain how I got here if they start asking questions? A man in a suit used some kind of freaky magic or some shit to teleport me here? They'd call me crazy! Hell from the looks of these buildings it's the medieval times right now. Even if I just say one word about magic they're gonna burn me at the steak within a few days. Maybe if I play the mute protagonist card they won't burn me. Ehhh, nah that's too cliche. Wait a second is one of those unicorns levitating something?! Holy hell this place has magic! Maybe I won't get burned at the steak for saying magic brought me here! Then again that could've just been my imagination- op never mind there's two more unicorns doing magic. Soooo, it looks like I will be able to explain my case. And pretty easily too. Wait something just came to my mind. What if they start asking more questions as to HOW I met him? Oh god that would take so long to explain it wouldn't even be funny. I'd just be going on a monologue about how all this started because I missed the damn bus. What the hell? Is that castle made out of crystal? Okay I'm no architect but I'm pretty sure crystal is the last thing you' want a castle to be. God damn it's even giving off a damn glow! Gaahhh, my eyes! This thing is practically asking to be attacked, if they don't throw me into the dungeons I am so letting this princess, king, or queen know just how royally fucked they are. No pun intended. Wait, what was I doing again? Oh right going to the town hall to be registered in as a citizen. You know I'm starting to think that out of all the places the castle is where I would need to be registered at. I mean this place obviously has a monarchy already in place, so why the fuck would you need a town hall? This is why the monarchy system failed in the first place! Monarchy's let the people have too much power and in the end it brought about the destruction of the monarchy! I mean that was how communism was formed people! Does any world not learn from the mistakes of mine?! If the monarchy doesn't end up thrown out soon I'm gonna be surprised. That is unless they've already been run out. If so why have the castle? Is it just to remind people that it was what gave them suffering? Nah there's still a princess ruling so that most likely hasn't happened. Yet. Okay so what do we have here? Large round building, presumably the center of town, this is town hall. You know for some place like a town hall I expected it to kind of bigger. Hopefully they don't have any metal detectors, I'd hate to have to give up my pipe wrench. But seeing as how the technology is varied here I shouldn't really get my hopes up that there isn't metal detectors. Or at the very least some security checkpoints. I wouldn't count that out. I just hope I don't get arrested, I already have two counts of house robbery on my record I don't need to be arrested any more. Okay we're entering now. Holy hell this place looks like an auditorium. Maybe if I put my writing skills to good use I could probably write a play and rent this place out to make a fortune. OW! Hey why did we stop?! I looked over Redheart to see, holy fuck is that what an alicorn looks like? The alicorn in question was light purple, had violet hair with two different colored stripes with one of them being pink, her tail was in the same color pattern, she seemed to be wearing some kind of sleeveless dark purple sweater, blue jeans, and dark purple converse. Damn this girl sure loves purple. She must be the princess. "Uh, Redheart? Where's the creature?" she asked "First off I'm a human and I'm right behind her dumb ass!" I said as Redheart moved out of the way "So, this is what a human looks like? Kind of disappointed." She said "Yeah, well can we just get this registration thing done already." I said "You are quiet the impatient one aren't you?" She said You would have no idea if you saw the day I've had. "Well, just follow me and we can get this done pretty quick." She said And I did so. Following people seems to be all I'm good at doing right now. I am so board right now. Okay, so this is the registration area. It's a room full of tables and chairs. Can't say I'm not surprised. I sat down with Twilight, who I can assume is Twilight, and saw her slide a piece of paper over to me as well as some ink and a quill. So I guess pens haven't been invented yet. Ah well let's see what we got here. Name, age, sex, date of birth, health problems, blah blah blah. Okay lets get this over with. I wrote down all the info and passed the paper back to Twilight. "Lets see what we have here." She said, "Name's Emily Summers, that we already know. You're sixteen?! Where are your parents?!" "As of right now I don't have any." I said Which is true. I mean my parents are still alive probably, but since I have no real way to speak to them, I technically don't have any right now. "Well, unfortunately this labels you as an orphan Ms. Summers." Twilight said Fucking called it. "But." Wait there's more? "Due to Celestia's no foal left behind law, you're eligible to placed in the care of a foster parent." Please let my foster parents be rich. If they're rich I could retire early and possibly try to become the heir to the family fortune. That is unless these ponies age differently than humans, then that's it. I'm fucked and can just kiss that chance to inherit the fortune goodbye. I guess I'd also take working for a farmer, I mean I lived in Tennessee, the state that filled with farmers! Hell there's even a few damn courses on it! At least I would be doing something I was familiar with. That way when I grew up I could make my own little farm and get rich off of that. I wonder if there's any tobacco plants here, I could probably get rich off of that. Sell some backer and snuff to some of the farmers and even to those who just wanna try it. Though I will be following American rules when it comes to selling it. "Well as long as I'm in the hands of foster parents who can help me live my dream of living rich I'm okay with it." I said "Uhhh, ooookay then." Twilight said before clearing her throat, "Girl which I'm guessing is a mare, born November 1st, 1999, allergic to wasp stings, pollen, penicillin, amoxicillin, and sulfur drugs. Other health problems include asthma, a dislocated left arm, AD, ADHD, and OCD." "Thaaaat's me!' I said "Well looks like Rainbow Dash is out of the picture to be your foster parent." Twilight said I was starting to internally laugh. Rainbow Dash?! Seriously?! That sounds like the pet name of a lesbian! Oh ho ho man. I've got the feeling this isn't the last I'll hear of her. Hell I'll probably see her at some point to. "Not to mention she's already got Scootaloo to look after." Twilight added Oh my god these names are gonna kill me. "But there's bound to be somepony who would wanna foster you." Twilight finished "Just as long as it doesn't involve me, explosives, or the president of Azerbaijan." I said "Ummm, okay then?" Twilight said, "But I do have some questions for you though." Oh god I knew it. She's gonna ask me how I got here. This is how it always goes, ya look too suspicious and then they start asking questions. That's how the damn police caught me for house robbery last time. I was at the scene of the crime observing my handy work, but I was acting too calm and collected, the saw me, remembered that I house robbed before and got suspicious of me, then they started asking questions which made me nervous and I cave in under pressure because they knew what made me tick, then they arrested me right on the spot and soon learned I did do it. Man summer vacation was just a bad year for me. That was just not a pleasant experience to go through at all. Good thing the bail wasn't too expensive. Alright might as well just face the damn music and answer her damn questions. "Okay spit 'em out." I said "How did you get here?" She asked Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllld it. I told her that it all started when I was late for school because I missed my damn bus, had to take my shortcut which just made me even more late, followed two guys who was carrying a crate to the football field in hopes of getting a good story for the school paper, but ended up getting teleported to the future presumably, and had to go through a bunch of insane illogical bullshit just to save a close friend who ended up getting killed. Which was then followed up by meeting a weird looking guy carrying a briefcase and calling himself DMan who was going to leave me in a dark void to die but I convinced him to let me live, so he pretty much offered me the chance to life a new life and have my life go they way I wanted it to go. You know this sounded way more better in my head after explaining it to her. At least I wasn't summoned here, I would've been wanting to go back a long time ago. I mean what even are the odds that I would get summoned here anyways? There's over seven billion people on planet earth alone! The chances of me getting teleported are one in seven billion! That's another thing that just bugged me about human in X stories. The odds of the MC getting teleported there are so small it would put an atom to shame. The same could be said about my odds, but this is supposed to be a Freeman/Barney/Shephard's Mind fan fic where I parody and make fun of all the common tropes and plot holes Human in Equestria fan fictions have. Speaking of human in X stories, what makes no sense is when a character dies and gets sent to said universe. How the hell does that work?! Shouldn't he be dead!? And I'm pretty sure reincarnation's not been proven yet as well! It;s like I'm the only one who has any brains in this world! There is no hope for humanity. Okay is there any music playing? No? Okay, alright then. Now I don't need to go berserk unless I find another reason. "Um. You're serious that that's the reason you're here?" Twilight asked "As serious as a heart attack." I said Good god that line is so cheesy but effective. I mean something even more serious than a heart attack would be death, but death has a lingering impact on people. A heart attack could be applied to only one person and heart attack can be recovered from. Unless of coarse you die from a heart attack. I'm probably just overthinking this. I mean people call me the overthinker as a parody name of overseer but I'm not sure if that's supposed to be an insult, compliment, or both. Then again that's what everyone says to me! They tell me I'm overthinking things! Well try telling me that now! Lets see, what have people commonly told me I was overthinking about. Anthropomorphic animals aren't invading from your computer Emily, you're just overthinking the situation! An anthropomorphic orca dragon hybrid isn't having sex with you at night in your Emily, you're just over thinking the situation! Ashley isn't secretly a lesbian Emily, you're just overthinking things! Chris Benoit's ghost isn't haunting you Emily, you're just overthinking things! Well I'm not exactly overthinking things now am I?! I told them all I'm not crazy! And the proof's right here!! Oh wait I just remembered I'm the only human here. Well. I'd say that was awkward. But, you know. "His description sounds like Discord, but he calls himself more important than them." Twilight said, "I know that there's a possibility that other Discords exist due to the multiverse theory being proven." True that. "But how can one be more important than others?" Twilight asked herself Hell if I know. All I know is he's basically GMan, I'm basically Adrian Shephard due to the fact my first weapon was a pipe wrench, and this has been one cluster fuck of a day. "So now what?" I asked, "Where am I gonna stay until I can get a foster parent?" Please don't tell me it's an orphanage- "You're gonna have to stay at an orphanage until then." Twilight said YOU HAD ONE JOB! Well it can't be all bad can it? I mean it's better than staying with someone who you'll probably never see again anyways. Sure you can probably make a bond and maybe he/she might decide to foster you because of the bond you made, but the problem is if someone makes claim to you as your foster parent before the person you bonded with can then it's too late. I just hope I can find a good foster parent. These past few days have been boooring! Day after day if I'm not sleeping eating, or keeping to my studies of this worlds laws I was in a room with a different pony who was willing to foster me. Of coarse I've been turning them down as they were never able to meet my standards. I met Twilight's friends, well from what the history books said at least. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash, which to be honest surprised me since she knew about my asthma problem, all of which I turned down because they were never able to meet my standards. Well I'm waiting in this room again for what feels like the 1,000th time. Is this what it's like for orphans when they're trying to get a family to notice them? Damn now I just feel like an ass for saying it's so damn easy to find the right family. In reality it's a lot harder than I thought. I've got so many damn standards that nobody can actually meet them! Sometimes I wonder though if it's not really other people that has problems as I see people but if it's really me that just has problems and I just can't accept that as a fact and just set up so many standards for my life to make it seem like other people have problems and I'm the only normal person in the world. Well, enough dwindling on matters more suited for a filler episode and back to reality. Alright let's see who's offered to foster me this time. I heard a knocking on the door. "The door's unlocked you can come in." I said The door opened and in came- holy hell she looks rich! I would be doing the yes chant so hard right now if it wasn't for the fact I had to look professional. Okay, so what do we have here. Pale, grayish pink fur, pretty good sized chest, strong opal colored eyes, two shades of moderate magenta and dark heliotrope colored mane and tail, and from the looks of the mane and tail style it looks expensive, some kind of gold necklace that also looks expensive, uh, um, you know I'm not even sure what kind of shirt that's supposed to be, point is it looks expensive though, tight darker strong opal colored pants that also look expensive, black high heels, well she's caught my attention. Lets just see how she goes. "So. You're the human looking to be fostered but has high standards." She said, "I've come to see for myself just how you are." That... that sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before? She kind of reminds me of Duchess Morbucks from Powerpuff Girls Z. I think she was voiced by Chantal Strand if I remember correctly. Okay I'm just giving her some points for reminding me of my childhood. Damn that was a good show dad brought over on DVD from one of his business trips to Japan. "Yeah I have high standards." I said as she took a seat, "One of them is that I always dreamed of living the rich life, but due to so many damn problems being tossed at me all at once, I was never able to fulfill that dream. Nobody was ever even willing to help me either come close to my dream or even bother to help me reach my dream. People just care about themselves." "Allow me to be your foster parent and I can make it come true." She said with an evil like smirk I love what she said, but the evil smirk's sending off some bad vibes. Good god I sound like a hippie. Lets just see how she handles my high standards. "Not so fast, lets see if you can meet my standards first, because I've been told that before and they couldn't meet my standards." I said, "First off, are you okay with me occasionally studying things like physics, money managment, and stuff like that?" "Yes." "That was too easy." I said, "Secondly, I only hang out with people I know I can trust. And sometimes I just like to be alone. Will you not force me to find a friend and let me work on anything in private?" "I can assure you that if anybody bothers you you can come to me and I'll deal with the problem." "Okay not many have gotten this far. You're looking to be a good choice. But don't count your bits till you go out shopping." I said, "Thirdly, should I feel the need to go out of the house, can I rely on someone like a butler or someone like that to carry a few things should I lose space in my hands?" "You indeed can." "Okay you know what, no one has ever been able to pass that standard of mine." I said And it's true. I don't have magic like a unicorn or the strength of an earth pony, well kind of depends on if my life's in danger or not, or even pegasus wings to carry bags should I not have anymore room on my arms. Yeah she's a winner. Winner, winner, chicken- erm, spinach dinner. "I will take that as a good sign." She said "There's just one more standard. I had four because, well, number four is basically, do you think you can handle my aspergers, ADHD, and OCD?" I asked "If I can handle Diamond Tiara's recent rebellion, I can handle aspergers, ADHD, and OCD." she said "Well consider yourself my foster parent then because you just met all my standards." I said Well this went by pretty easily. Not to mention she mentioned someone named Diamond Tiara. I always wanted a sister, well more specifically one I can mold to be essentially a clone of me should I sneak out of the night, but from the sound of things I'm just getting a sister. I hope she's just not as annoying as Abigail was. I mean who the fuck gives little kids coffee in the first damn place anyways! Well, I might as well go upstairs and get my stuff. "Um, I'll be going upstairs to pack my stuff while you sign the registration papers." I said sheepishly Damn I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? Stop being nervous! GARROGH! I left the room and headed upstairs where I saw the other orphans sleeping. I told them to stay away from my coffee stash and now they're sleepy because of the crash. Speaking of coffee, black coffee and regular coffee in general is horrible. Starbucks Frappuccino refrigerated Dollar General chilled coffee drinks white chocolate mocha's all the way bay-bay! Okay I really need to cut down on the wrestling innuendos or I'm gonna get sick of them by the end of the week. Alright tie to pack. Alright lets see here, toothbrush, check, pipe wrench, check, cliche old locket showcasing a tear jerking photo of me and Ashley together before her death that I found in my coat pocket yesterday, check, secret stash of oxycodone in a bag labeled oxycodone inside a alprazolam antidepressants bottle, check. Okay that's everything. zipping my backpack I headed downstairs to be met with my new foster mom. "Everything in your backpack is all you have?" She asked "Yeah. Not much but it gets me by." I said I just hope when I get as high as a kite on the oxycodone she doesn't get caught in the crossfire. Following behind her as she left the building, I suddenly felt like it was gonna be smooth sailing from here. ........... Huh. Something tells me this choice is one that's gonna come back to haunt me for a long time to come one of these days. Probably just gas.
Epiosde 1Oh god I'm running late! I looked at my alarm clock and noticed it was 7:07. I missed my damn bus! Quickly getting out of bed I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, fixed my hair up into the way I liked it, and put on my cloths consisting of blue jeans, black ankle high socks, red Nike Air Force 1 shoes, white t-shirt, grey zipper less hoodie, and my prescription retro style glasses. I didn't eat breakfast because I was trying to watch my diet recently, but enough about that, I'm late as hell! Quickly putting on my backpack filled with my books and stuff, because I don't trust lockers, I stepped into the garage and put on my bike helmet and pads, got onto my bike and zoomed out the open door. The good thing about where I live is that I know a shortcut to school, well not really a shortcut as much as it is another route. The bus usually goes it but not until it's 5th or sixth pick up. Thank god my school time doesn't start until 8:20. Much later after going down said route I parked my bike in the school bike parking area and went inside panting as I was nearly out of breath. "Good morning. And welcome to Tennessee Grainger High School..." WHO SAID THAT!? Oh it's the intercom. But then out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the teachers looking pretty messed up and having a shocked look on his face. Ah I'm not the only one who's late. "SUCKERRRRR!" I shouted to him as he ran by me, "Hehehe." "The time is, 8:47 A.M..." Shit! I didn't know I was that late! I quickly rushed down the right hall to head to my first period Art class. I am so dead! As a Junior more is expected out of you! I'm gonna embarrass every Junior at this rate! I am so dead though with my art teacher. I need to buy a watch. I've already gotten five tardies and three detentions, they could expel me. Oh well, what can ya do? I arrived in Art class panting, but saw the teacher was out. Oh hell yes lucky day! I put my backpack with the others and took a seat at my assigned seat. Maybe this won't be quiet the shit day after all. For once I wish I was wrong. Of coarse we had to be doing watercolors! The one thing everybody never wants to do! Man when I make it big, I'm gonna make sure that I petition for watercolors to be banned. "A reminder to all Juniors and Seniors of Grainger High. Finals will be beginning tomorrow in the morning..." Oh man. I forgot about that. I need to study. When the bell rang I gathered my backpack and headed off to find my friend Ashley. I found her at her locker, her long brown hair going to her shoulders was still the same, still wearing that sleeveless black shirt I gave her as well as her sleeveless red and black flannel shirt along with her black pants and white shoes. When I came up to her she looked at me with a smug grin. "Morning Emily. Looks like you ran late." She said. "Yeah you know what? I don't even care anymore. By the time I get to homeroom, Adam is gonna know I was an hour late, I figure I'm either expelled or I'm not." I said. I then looked behind myself. Is someone following me? I looked to see no one. Okay good. "When homeroom starts, I'm gonna stroll in there like I own the damn place. Take my time, make some cookies with the room oven. If I'm expelled, I could probably jack some office supplies or some books or something on the way out. I could just stuff things in a big duffel bag, no one is going to notice." I said. "Will you quit quoting Freeman's Mind and be honest. You know you'd never get away with it." Ashley said. "Well you know, Austin's never really near his laptop. I could just walk right up to it unguarded and take it. Hell, I could grab some of the knives in the kitchen. That'll make my life easier with my own knife collection." I said. "Whatever sister." Ashley said. "Will you stop calling me that you prick!" I shouted with a blush. Ashley just started laughing. Prick. Homeroom door was right in front of me. Okay act calm, act calm, if I don't act calm they're gonna know something's up when I walk in there. I opened the door and walked in. Okay easy control your breathing, breath normal, breath normal, that'll make you calm. As I walked in I remembered something, oh god they'll see me. Okay keep against the wall and try to walk straight past the desk. I laid back first to the wall and began moving across it and was nearly past the desk. Don't make eye contact. Just walk walk- "Hey Ms. Summers." Damn it! I looked to see my homeroom teacher Adam Wolfenbarger at his desk. "I had a bunch of messages for you but we had a system crash about twenty minutes ago and I'm still trying to find my files." I was so close! "Just one of those days I guess. They were having some problems with the printer too when they were trying to print out your files as well, but think that's all straightened out. First Sargent Thacker also told me to make sure you headed down to the JROTC room as soon as you got through with lunch." Adam said as he was typing on his computer. Really. Maybe I'm not expelled. In that case I have all the free time in the world to play the computer. "Someone has hidden my glasses again." I heard someone say in the other room. Uhh, yeah. Now let's see what's on YouTube shall we? I plugged in my headphones from my hoodie, clicked on google chrome and headed to YouTube. "...Wait a minute. This is a windows blue screen. And you're typing on it like you know what you're doing. You're not doing anything." "Let me help you." "Shut up." I cracked a chuckle as I watched Freeman's Mind episode 2. "You're just looking busy, it's your whole job isn't it? Looking busy. Look ya have to reboot it. Where's the reset button? Is this it?" Freeman pressed the button in the video and an alarm rang. "By god what are you doing?!" "Hey stop that." "Well that's not it." "Come on Gordon, ya trying to get me into trouble?!" The alarm stopped. "Okay you can all go to hell if your all gonna act like that." I started laughing. I gotta remember that line for later. Suddenly the bell rang. Yes! Time for lunch! I unplugged my headphones and exited out of google chrome and headed out the door. Lunch. The only good part of prison, I mean school. I'm glad I'm not expelled. Stealing from school is a lot more stressful than not stealing from school. There's just no comparison. Wait. This isn't... Oh damn. I'm in the wing where Art is! I didn't mean to go this way! I guess this why people say you need to pay attention to where you walk. .... Am I hearing things? I came up to one of the computer rooms and placed my ear next to it, there was music playing. OH god, it better not be what I think it is. I listened in closer... eeyup. It's what I thought it was. Powerplant from One Must Fall 2097. Wonder if it's loud as hell. Well. Time to figure out. I opened the door and... GAAAAAH! MY FUCKIGN EARS! "TURN DOWN THE MUSIC YOU FRIGGIN 80'S KIDS!" I shouted into the room, "IT SOUNDS LIKE A RAVE PARTY IN HERE GOOD GOD! JUST GET SOME HALF NAKED CHICKS AND A DISCO BALL IN HERE WHY DON'T YOU! GOOD LORD!" I quickly closed the door turning the music down. Man, computer students. Who KNOWS what they do in those classes. They're gonna go deaf before the end of finals at that rate. Next time I go in there I'll bring some ear protection. I made my way back to the lunch line and got my lunch. Chicken sandwich, my favorite! You know now that I think about it, going to school that's made up of hallways kind of makes me feel like an evil scientist. I always wanted to be an evil scientist when I was younger. "Mwehahaha. Ahahahaha. Huwehahaha! Ahahahaha- okay I better chill out, I don't want a repeat of Wednesday." I said to myself as I sat down at an outside table Well time to start eating! Oh man I am fulll. These chicken sandwiches were designed for people going on diets. If my body could withstand it I could fill my entire blood stream with this stuff and be a living chicken woman. Oh if on- am I seeing thing? From my vantage point I saw three student pushing a large create towards the football field. I don't remember an announcement for any new equipment. Okay since I'm on the school paper I might as well go Frank West and report this. I already took out my garbage from eating, soooo, time to get expelled. I took out my phone as the bell rang and ran towards the football field being sure not to get caught. Time to make history. Sneaking through the gate I used the zoom function of the camera to look at the crate. IT looked like two of the biology seniors were the ones near the crate. They were beginning to unbox it and then it looked like they were taking something out- oh my god. Am I hallucinating? That's freaking uranium! How the fuck do we have the budget for uranium?! I took a quick picture and noticed they were pulling out something else. What is that some kind of gun? I took another quick picture and then another one as they loaded the uranium inside it. What is that? Is that some kind of project biology is working on? That can't be. Uranium is expensive as hell. This is freaking me out. I think it's time to leave. As I went for the gate my eyes were in disbelief. What the fuck?! What?! How?! Why?! HOW THE FUCK DID SOMEONE CHAIN THE FENCE!? I ran up to it and started shaking the gate hoping it was just a joke, but no it was real! There was a damn lock and everything! Who the fuck locked me in?! "HEY! ANYONE OUT THERE?! HELP!" I shouted from the fence. "Intruder!" I heard a voice. OH DAMN THEY SPOTTED ME! Okay it's time to climb! I tried to climb only to keep falling on my ass. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA! I'M A BAD PERSON! WHY DID I THINK DOING THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! There was a bang and everything went black. What happened?! What is this?! Am I dead?! I don't feel dead. But how would I know?! If this is what it's like to be dead than being dead sucks! There was a flash of white and I was right next to the crate. Oh shit that's the crate! How did I get over here?! There was another flash of white and.... I was in a forest? "What the fuck." I said to myself as I noticed my surroundings Another flash of white, and, what the hell? I'm in space?! No! I don't wanna be a schizophrenic! Everything was black again. Oh my god this is insanity incarnate with a side order of bat-shit. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha." WHAT THE HELL, WHO LAUGHED?! I'm going insane! I can't go insane now! No, no, no, no, no, no ,no, no! What the? Ah, ha ha! I'm not in crazy land anymore! I'm back in the school! Which is on fire. And the fire alarm was going off. What the hell happened?! How long was I out?! Am I dreaming?! I pinched myself to make sure. I felt pain. Holy hell I'm not dreaming. Okayyyy, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! Okay looks like I'm in the bus entrance of the school. Annd it's blocked by fire. Do we have a secret lab here? It looks like the Half-Life residence cascade of real life. That must've been what happened! We created a residence cascade! Holy hell I hope Ashley's okay, she's been my friend since kindergarten, if I lost her I don't know where I'd be right now. Man you can smell the money burning in this place. Going down the left hallway I saw the body of a male student. I went that way only for.... GOD, JEEZ, GOD! The locker exploded and fell onto the student blowing his body to bits. I hate lockers! WHY DO THEY ALWAYS BLOW UP WHEN I USE THEM?! Stepping over the locker I took a closer look at the building. Man this place got romped. I guess I'll start looting after all. Ehhh. I'll get out of here first then come back with a wheelbarrow so I can really do this right. Maaan. This is just like that one time I stayed up for a week last summer studying and thought our house was being invaded by sexy anthropomorphic animals coming to kidnap me and turn me into one of them. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha." Oh god it's that laugh again. Where the fuck is it coming from?! Suddenly a white flash appeared and... oh my god that's a headcrab. Oh go what do I do?! I can't turn back. Okay I can do this! I am a matador! I fearlessly- it launched itself at me and bit my head before flying to the other side of the hallway. "AH GOD, JESUS, SHIT, FUCK, PISS, DUIGH! THOSE THINGS BITE LIKE FREEMAN SAID! DAMN IT" I shouted as I ran to the other side of the hall passing the office at the entrance which again was blocked by fire, "Okay I'm starting to feel pretty naked here without a weapon. This is such a slap to the face. There's gotta be a dead policeman I can loot from around this building." I rounded the corner and headed straight down the hallway with more lockers. I swear these things are my version of Markiplier's mannequin fear. If that one locker I had during middle school hadn't fell on me and nearly killed me I would be fine with them right now. But due to the fact one exploded back there I can't trust them right now! Oh my god is that a wrench? I went over to the spilled tool bucket and picked up the pipe wrench. Oh my god this is friggin perfect. Now I can beat the snot out of people. Oh boy I can't wait to get outside, they'll be all like, "Emily Summers we thought you were dead!" And I'll be like, "You thought wrong!" "Pap!" I shouted swinging the wrench. Okay time to see if I can break a window. I came to a fork in the hallway and went down the path that lead to a glass door leading to the outside. It was jammed, but then looking at the row of glass windows I readied my wrench and busted through a section of the lower glass. Yes! A way out! I gotta find Ashley first though. Oh I hope she's still alive. The JROTC room. The only room from the looks of things that's still in one piece. I opened the door and stepped inside. What the? Gun shots! I went to the other section of the room and saw a dying cop as his gun was right next to him and there was a headcrab zombie student. Was it Ashley? Nope. No flannel on him, her? I can't really tell. But hey, free gun! I picked up the glock 17 and was smiling. This is perfect. Now I can solve up to ten problems a minute. Hey does he have any ammo? Eeyup, he does. Taking the ammo and replacing the half empty cartridge I placed the cartridge into my backpack. Whelp, time to play god. I heard banging on the uniform room door. "Who's there! I've got a pipe wrench, and a fully loaded glock 17 and I ain't afraid to use it!" I shouted at the door pointing the gun. "It's me!" I heard Ashley's voice I quickly opened the door and saw Ashley holding a Colt Python. "Holy fuck, where did you get a Colt Python?!" I asked "One of the policemen had one." Ashley said, "Oh are you kidding me?! You've got a pipe wrench AND a glock?! Damn all you need now is a H.E.V suit or H.E.C.U Marine outfit and you're good to go!" "Ha. Ha. Ha." I deadpanned, "Can we just focus on getting out of here?! I keep hearing a strange laughter and I think I might be going insane!" Suddenly there was an explosion. "What the?! The hell did that come from?!" I shouted. Then in a flash of white and a teleportation noise, I turned around to see a headcrab. It flung itself at me but I ducked only to hear a bite noise. I looked to see Ashley's head now being taken over by the headcrab. No. NO! I grabbed the Colt Python Ashley dropped and looked to see six rounds exactly in it. Taking aim I fired and shot the headcrab as it planted its hook like appendages into Ashley's body. Oh god why?! WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! "THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "Make sense? What fun is there in making sense?" "WHO'S THERE!" Suddenly there was a flash of white and I found myself in a black room standing right in front of a... "Jesus!" I shouted out of fear. Standing right in front of me was a humanoid wearing a brown suit and red tie and black soes carrying a briefcase with what looks to be a yellow apple on it, his skin was grey, his eyes were yellow with red pupils, he had a white beard as well as white messy hair, a fang sticking out of he left of his mouth, and two different antlers. "So Emily Summers, we meet at last. I have took the liberty of relieving you of your weapons, most of them were not exactly yours." The creature said. What? I check. Oh god he took my weapons. Holy hell he must be a god. "Please don't think that I caused all this just to give you hell, there are many matters that acquire my attention in these troubled times. And now I require further indulgence on your part, Emily, I can't leave this world until every lose end has been tied up. The biggest embarrassment has been the humans finding my old Displacer gun from my first rule of Equestria, but frankly I think that's finally been taken care of itself, quiet so." The creature explained. Uh, what? "But there is, however, still the lingering matter of witnesses, I have to admit I have a fascination with those like yourself, your type rather remind me of myself in a way. If for no other reason I have argued to preserve you for a time." The creature stated. Excuse me? "While I believe a, ahem, civil servant, like yourself understands the importance of discretion, my friends are not quiet so trusting to new species that much. So rather than continually subject you to the irresistible temptation of telling all, we've decided to convey you somewhere where you can do no possible harm, and no harm can come to you. I am sure, Emily Summers, that you can imagine that there are worse alternatives." The creature said. Oh god he's gonna leave me here to die! I can't let that happen, quick think fast! "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." I said, "You're just gonna leave me here? I can't stay here! I wanted to die as a rich person who made a contribution to society! Not live here like a prisoner! There's gotta be something else you can do with me!" "Hmmmmm. I think there's something I can do." The creature said. "What is it?!" I asked. "I can put you into another world where you don't exist. There you can do whatever you want whenever you want. All you have to do is sign a contract stating you accept any at all consequences in the near future of what you do in said world." The creature said. "Where is that contract?" I asked. And then it suddenly appeared in a white flash right in front of me with a quill with ink on it. Okay then, not the weirdest thing I've seen today. I took the quill and wrote my name on the contract. It then disappeared as well as the quill. "Good." The creature said. "Now what? Do I get my weapons back?" I asked. "The ones you had will have to be earned back, you'll be able to find them quiet easily, not to mention a plethora of new weapons as well." The creature said. Oh holy hell yes! "What the hell are you though?" I asked, "At that matter, WHO are you?" "I'm not exactly human am I? Yet at the same time I produce ability's to seemingly change a lot of stuff and do what ever I want with little to no reason. I have to admit chaos is what I was born to do." The creature said, "Never the less, my name is just like every other creature like me, but compared to them, I feel more important. Call me DMan." Like Gman. You know I've got the strangest feeling I'm about to go on an adventure that has more questions than answers. And something tells me other people have gone through this same situation as well, given the chance to live a new life only to be thrown on an adventure that had nothing to do with the original purpose as to why they were there to begin with and just giving them more questions than answers to lingering questions, and considering the multiverse theory hasn't been debunked yet it's most likely that this HAS happened before to other people. Damn I feel sorry for those people. I'm gonna be honest, if I was given the chance to live a new life only to be told I needed to go on an adventure with blah blah blah I would've just said no and stayed at my new home. I mean if I'm going to live a new life I'm not going to spend it going on a pointless adventure, that's stupid because I could possibly die! Not to mention if I didn't die, I'd have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder like crazy! I mean how often is it that people come back from an adventure, only to not take any effect from said adventure? Never. That's how often. You'll either develop PTSD or a terrible twitch, possibly even both! I hope to god I'm not forced to go on an adventure, that would just be so ironic as hell it wouldn't even be funny. And knowing Murphy's Law it most likely will happen because that's just how my luck goes! "Now, Emily Summers, all you have to do is just step into the portal and you can be on your way." DMan said. He then disappeared and a portal appeared in his place. Whelp. Here goes nothing. I stepped back and ran into the portal. "Backrubs!" "What?!" I shouted before stepping into the portal. I teleported so fast I couldn't even see who yelled it. Wait, oh damn I've got such a headache. Oh. I think I blacked out... I awoke to the sound of a heart beat monitor. My eyes slowly opened and I noticed I was in a hospital bed. I'm in a hospital? Is this what that dude said about a new life? Why am I in a hospital? Was I unconscious and someone found me? Do I look different? I looked in a nearby mirror to see I was normal. Okay so I still look the same. Oh boy this is gonna be a long day from what I can tell. I heard the sound of a door opening to see- what the fuck is that? What came through the door was a humanoid wearing a pink nurses outfit with white fur, pink hair in a bun and a long pink tail, pony ears, and baby blue eyes. Am I high right now? "Oh!" The woman said with a surprised look, "You've woken up!" Holy hell it spoke! Okay time to get some answers. "Um, where am I?" I asked. "You are in Ponyville hospital mam." The woman said. Ponyville hospital? That sounds like something out of the mind of a comatose child. "Okay then, who are you?" I asked. "I'm Nurse Redheart." The woman replied Okay? "How did I get here?" I asked. "You were brought here by Ms. Fluttershy who found you fatally wounded while she was trekking through the Everfree Forest." Fatally wounded?! What the fuck did DMan do to me?! If I ever see him again I'm gonna shove that briefcase of his so far up his ass he'll have to open his mouth to scan his ID! "How bad was it?" "It looked like you were bleeding from your arm. There was a stab wound and it looked like you were bleeding a lot." A stab wound. You know now that I think about a stab mark is kind of cool. I could show it to anyone who's pissing me off and pull a Heath Ledger Joker voice asking if they wanna know how I got the scar. It will make anyone leave me alone within seconds. "Um, one more question." I said, "Are the other civilians like you?" "Not really. Everpony here is unique in their own little way." Redheart said, "From Earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi to our alicorn princesses." Everypony? Unicorns'? Pegasi? Alicorns? Well guess multiverse has been proven. But why would DMan send me here of all places? Couldn't he have sent me to another timeline where I didn't go after those two carrying the crate? I would've at least figured out what the cause was to make Grainger High a living hell. Come to think of it I never learned just why First Sgt. wanted me in the JROTC room. Well, knowing him he probably wanted to tell me that I was expelled personally. "Well, I'm not a pony." I said, "I'm a human." "Yes. I can see that." Redheart said, "Humans run long into Equestrian mythology, so practically everypony knows about them. But to think they actually existed." Story of my life. When someone tells me something exists, I usually don't believe them, and then later I find out they were telling the truth all along so I feel like a complete asshole for not believing in them sooner. "So how long am I gonna b in here?" I asked. "Oh, you've been in a coma for quiet a while." Redheart explained, "We've been monitoring your progress for about a few weeks and it looks as if you've healed up." Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I've been in damn coma for weeks!? Holy hell, stab wounds don't give you comas! Oh wait, it was probably either blood loss or DMan that did. Blood loss I can understand, but why would DMan put me in a coma anyways? For that mater of fact why would he stab me? Was it to lure me into this place without anyone being afraid of me? If so, he probably could've JUST put me into a coma, that should lure me into this town good enough. Well now what? "Soooo. Now what?" I asked, "Where's my cloths and stuff?" "Your backpack and clothing is at the foor of the bed." Redheart said, "It's been cleaned and fixed up while you were in your coma." Well that's nice of them. Though when I get out of here and start working my way up to living the rich life, servants are gonna be number one on my priorities list for when I get a mansion, especially some laundry ones, but to be on the safe side I better make sure that I know they can stay loyal to me and not try to bring up an uprising. Maybe if I paid them enough to where they're getting enough to live off of, but at the same time made sure I still had billions of dollars on me. Maybe if they live in my mansion maybe then they'll probably not try to bring upon an uprising against me. Probably. "But, I have something else to tell you." Redheart said Oh I swear to god if it's bad news... "Due to the fact you're not registered as an official citizen of Equestria, or Ponyville for that matter, Princess Twilight has asked us to take you to town hall where you can gt properly registered." Redheart said, "It shouldn't take long." Well it isn't bad news but it ain't good news either. "Well. I'll leave to let you get dressed." Redheart said, "When your done come meet me in the lobby." And with that said she left. ..... Okay I need about this for a moment. .......... I'm starting to wonder if not wearing any panties or a bra today was a bad idea and is gonna come back to haunt me a some point.
Episode 3"Thank you Randolph for carrying my daughter's backpack for her." "Yeah thanks." I said to the butler Wow, she had a butler too. Man this woman must be as rich as Richie Rich. The cartoon one though, not the live action one. I mean you gotta hand it to Macaulay Culkin though. The kid was not exactly in a good place to begin with. Richie Rich may have been a show I partially grew up with on the classic Boomerang channel, and it might've been good at one point, that show was just corny as hell. Macaulay Culkin was in a movie that was doomed to fail to begin with because standards for movies and TV are always changing because people van't make up their minds about what a good movie is and what a bad movie is. What might've been a bad movie at one point is a cult classic nowadays. What might have been the greatest movie of all time back then is considered corny and outdated by today's standards. When it comes to cinema people just can't make up their minds can they? There really is no hope for humanity if we can't even decide on what a good movie is. Huh, another thought just occurred to me. DMan never really explained just WHY he pretty much destroyed GHS. I think it might've involved the displacer gun he talked about, but just how the hell did he lose it and how the hell did two biology students find it? Nothing makes any sense anymore. All this just sounds like the setup to a bad plot in a bad fiction book, except this is real life! I think I speak for everyone, including those reading this, when I say that there needs to be an explanation for all this eventually. So lets see what questions that need answers. One, who the fuck is DMan really. Two, why the fuck he calls himself more important than the "others", whoever the flying fuck they are. Three, why he pretty much destroyed my old home and made my life into a shitty bad Half Life: Opposing Force mod. Four, how the hell those two students found his displacer gun in the first place. Five, how he even fucking lost his displacer in the first place. Six why was he not reluctant to give me a new life and just let me rot to die in stasis. Seven, what the fuck he meant when he said I would be getting new weapons. Eight, why he injured me. Nine, why he fucking comatosed me for weeks. Ten, what did he fucking mean by, "I can't leave this world?" Eleven, what the hell he meant by loose ends needing to be tied up. Twelve, why the fucking hell he wanted to preserve me like as if I was some lost artifact. And by that, I mean why did he want to put me into stasis in the first place? Thirteen, what did he mean by witnesses? Were there others besides me who saw those two kids? If so, who were they? Fourteen- ah fuck it with the numbers. What did he mean by a fascination with those like myself? What did he mean by they reminded them of himself? Who are his friends? Well, I can't really think of anything else outside of those few questions. Oh wait, I just remembered something! WHO THE FUCK YELLED BACK RUBS AT ME?! Okay I think that's all the major questions. You know, come to think of it, I'm pretty sure there's more questions but I'm just over looking them. Damn this is so confusing I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. This has just been one painful and stupid cluster fuck of a day. I know Nostalgia Critic once said in his Cat in the Hat review that just because that you admit something is painful and stupid, doesn't make it any less painful and stupid, but at times you have to to tell yourself that to assure yourself that everything is gonna be okay. Huh. I just realized something. My own foster mother's name is Spoiled Rich. And her husband's name is Filthy Rich. Wow, somebody's parents didn't love them. Or they did and they named them that because they saw a bright future ahead for them. Well my, I guess sister, sister's name is Diamond Tiara. So Spoiled and Filthy, oh god that sounded dirty, how the fuck did that rhyme?! Um, anyways. So Spoiled and Filthy must've wanted a bright future for their daughter so they named her Diamond Tiara, and from what I understand she actually wears a diamond tiara. Now that's committing to a name at its best. I mean you don't exactly see Peter Parker going around parking everywhere now do you? .... Huh? Am I hearing things, or is that really the sound of a Daytona 500 race car engine? "LOOK OUT!" What- AHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! I quickly rolled out of the way to avoid a high speeding pony on a scooter! "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING ASSHOLE YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!" I shouted waving my fist at the pony as he/she drove off Man if I see him/her I'm gonna fucking kill him/her! "Are you alright?! That no good Scootaloo didn't hurt you did she?!" Spoiled asked me as Randolph helped me up "I don't think so. Everything looks to be alright. Jesus tap dancing Christ that moron could've killed me! Does she not know what the word speed limit means?!" I said checking myself for everything "Sadly no." Spoiled said, "Rainbow Dash is the one responsible for making that pony like this." Someone remind me to kill her later. "Well, uh, lets get back on track shall we?" I asked How long have we been walking again? I think my legs are getting tired. Oh hell yes, I think this is it! Jesus tap dancing Christ on a pogostick, that's one huge mansion. Wait.... OH FUCK NOT NOW! WHY!? WHY GOD DAMN IT?! Flashback, Emily is now thirteen and just about to start middle school... "Huh. 28 Days Later. Well cousin Joey always did have his weird fascination with Zombie movies. Let's see what we've got here. I just hope it doesn't give me a fear of a place. I was never the same after seeing the 2004 Dawn of the Dead movie. I never went to a mall for months after seeing that movie back when I was ten. Then again this could be interesting seeing as how I like its theme. Okay I'e stalled enough time to watch another generic zombie movie." I said as I took the VHS out of its box Turning my TV on I put the VHS into the VHS player and proceeded to watch 28 Days Later.... 104 or so minutes later... Youtube Video I was huddled into my covers in a fetal position as I continued to watch the movie. I have never been so terrified in my life. I watched as events played out. Then, I heard the theme I listened to on YouTube before. Oh god I understand where it came from now. AND I'M TERRIFIED AS HELL! WHY THE FUCK DID I WATCH THIS HOME ALONE?! I watched as the minutes passed and Jim's rampage continued. Gad damn it Joey! HOW DO YOU ALWAYS FIND THINGS TO GET ME TERRIFIED?! WAS 2004'S DAWN OF THE DEAD NOT ENOUGH?! WERE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! I then watched as, Jim, attacked, Major West, and gouged his eyes out. I did something, I swear, the entire neighborhood, even my parents in town could hear. I screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A year later... Jesus h Christ, I thought this business trip with dad and Joey to England would help me relax because of all the stress eighth grade is putting on me, but nooooooo, Joey and his little movie location scouting has to ruin everything again! I just wanna go to Taco Bell and have a Baja Blast, that's the best kind of drink Mountain Dew's ever produced. Goes well with Oxycodone too! Okay I've found the location so what's it thi-thi-thi-thi-thi-thi- my lip was quivering, flashbacks of 28 Days Later went through my mind as I saw where I was. Trafalgar Park, or more specifically, in front of the mansion that gave me nightmares for months. Joey told me it's name when we last saw each other after I saw 28 Days LAter. I didn't think he'd send me here! In return, I did the one thing I did last time. I screamed out of pure terror. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" End Flashback... "Emily?! Are you okay?!" I quickly snapped out of my little PTSD trip and looked at Spoiled. "Uh, yeah, I'm alright. I, was just spacing out." I reassured That was a lie and I know it. God damn you Joey! If you aren't dead already you're on my enemy's list! "Well, let's head inside shall we?" I said Oh holy hell this is all I've ever dreamed of, minus the Rage Virus, but still! "Diamond Tiara! Get down here this instant!" Spoiled called up to the 2nd floor "Coming!" I heard a new voice call Ummmmmmm, was I hearing that right? That voice sounded WAY too familiar! Wait a second. Twilight's name's kind of familiar too... wait a second. Wait, another flashback?! What is this episode, Felix's Mind on steroids?! Flashback, Emily is now fouteen and just about to start high school... Was that age thing a retcon? I don't even know anymore! Ugh. I need some talks about my contract. Wait are we rolling? Whoops! 4th wall break! Sorry! "This is Story of the Blanks. It's a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan game." Ashley told me as the play button appeared on the NES cartridge showing My Little Pony "Seriously? Ashley I know you tend to get into the craziest of things, hell you told me you were a furry last year for Pete's sake and converted me too. But this is the craziest." I said, "My Little Pony? Really? That's a show from the 80's made for five year old girls. Gen 2 of it was pretty rank, Gen 3 was just a migraine, Gen 3.5 was hell, but they made ANOTHER reboot of the series? What is this the 4th time?! What makes it so different from the others that it has a fanbase around it?!" "If you would watch it you would know." Ashley said "Ashley, I'm an Oxycodone addict. You know this. My family knows it. Mom especially. But it will take more than just Oxycodone to get me to enjoy anything I'm suppost to be out grown over." I said, "especially this little fan game." "This little fan game is more than just a fan game. It has its own lore and fans too." Ashley said "I'll believe it when I see it." I said, "Lets just play the damn game." Later... As I played Applebloom exited the now blacked out building and I was panting. "Okay let's see what we've uncovered so far. Number one, a strange town that canon wise IS NO WHERE ON THE EQUESTRIA MAP FROM WHAT YOU TELL ME! Number two, THERE'S A FUCKING DEAD HORSE IN THAT CABIN! FUCK THIS SHIT! AB LETS GET OUT OF HERE!" I shouted as I moved Applebloom out of the 2sppoky4me area, and into hell, "WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT HAPPENED TO SUNNY TOWN?!" Ashley was laughing. "YOU KNEW SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN WOULDN'T YOU?!" I asked her She just continued to laugh. "SCREW YOU ASHLEY!" I shouted Then, as I pressed through any text that appeared, I saw the walking skeleton. "MONKEY ON A STICK! IT'S THE FUCKING ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE OF A FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL'S NIGHTMARES!" Ashley just laughed harder. Later... "PONY BAD, PONY BAD, BAD PONY, BAD!" I shouted as I ran towards the entrance, "WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I MOVE?! AHHH! GET YOUR ASS AWAY FROM MY ASS IT'S NOT YOURS! FUCK I'M CORNERED! WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO KILL AB?! SHE'S AWESOME! Wait, what the fuck? OH THANK YOU MITA, THANK YOU!" "Do you ALWAYS get like this when playing a simple game Emily?!" Ashley laughed "FUCK YOU!" I shouted, "I LIKE TO GET INVESTED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE! WHAT THE FUCK?! SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS EVERYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE, YOUR ASS DEPENDS ON IT! BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH!" Ashley began laughing and going into coughing fits. "OH FUCK IT'S BLACK! I CAN'T SEE SHIT WHERE THEY ARE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?! WHAT ARE THESE FOOTPRINTS?! AB JUST WANTS TO GO HOME! LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!" Ashley's laughing and coughing echoed. End Flashback... Holy shit now I know why Twilight's a familiar name now! I'M IN THE FUCKING MLP WORLD! Wait a second that can't be right though. I mean they're all anthros. And I might've never seen the show before, but it's based on a franchise called My Little PONY, not My Little ANTHRO. Wait a second, oh shit what if this IS the MLP universe?! Was the version I knew back on Earth a cover up?! Nah, only an idiot would think that if they never heard of multiverse theory. Soooo. I'm in an alternate MLP world. Well I could've ended up in some place worse. Come to think of it, why didn't I recognize Twilight's name until now? I mean I've never seen an episode of the show or read any fan fics, all I know about MLP is from Story of the Blanks, and Super Filly Adventure. Both of which I can barely even remember! Well except for those Blanks and Blood Hooves. WHY IS IT I CAN'T REMEMBER OTHER STUFF, BUT HORROR THINGS I CAN REMEMBER LIKE AS IF I'VE SEEN THEM ALL MY DAMN LIFE?! I think I better lay off the Oxycodone for a week, I think it's probably doing something to my memory. But anyways, if I had to guess as to WHY I couldn't remember Twilight and her friends, I guess it would be because I never really cared about watching the show. I mean I HEARD that there would be an episode about zombie ponies from Ashley, but I just looked at her like as if she just said the craziest thing in the world because while Gravity Falls and Fosters managed to get their zombie episodes past the censors, there is no way a show for five year old girls will get that past the censors. I'll be damned impressed if they did somehow go through with it. I'll bet it was probably a cluster fuck though. Cartoon writers just have to learn the hard way that zombies are fit for the movies and not children's TV. 28 Days Later pretty much rewrote the zombie constitution when it came out, and that film wasn't even about zombies. Just comes to show that films that aren't about a certain genre can rewrite that genre's constitution without even knowing it. I mean from what my niece Jackie told me, 28 Weeks Later tried to do it again and while it didn't work, it's still considered an amazing squeal. Makes me wonder what a 28 Months later is gonna do if it ever happens. Lightning can't strike twice, or can it? Wait what was I doing again? Oh, right. Damn Diamond's sure taking her time. "Ugh, man Diamond's slow. I could sing Modern Major General quicker than her arrival." I said "She might be doing this to annoy me. Go ahead." Spoiled said I cleared my throat and began. "♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;a I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. ♪ Where's the chorus?! ♪ I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's; I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous; ♪ Okay Freeman was right this song's kind of dated. It's suppost to be MODERN Major General, I'm gonna add in the Freeman's Mind verse. ♪ I can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time or graph out an electron path while using only numbers prime I calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards and perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards. I can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one too or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them out of the blue from SMGs to RPGs I carry quite an arsenal and skip around a warzone like a subatomic particle ♪ Still no chorus! Come on someone sing and I promise I won't go postal!" Suddenly I heard a loud, "OW!" "Ah." I said, "Okay there we go." I cleared my throat again and continued. "♪ Every solider out here wants to kill me for my curiosity I wage war on the whole damn world because of my tenacity in matters combat tactical and physics theoretical I am the very model of a modern major general. ♪ Okay nobody's even trying to sing along I quit." And then I saw what I presumed to be Diamond Tiara. Huh, pink fur, purple and white mane, a Diamond Tiara on her head, pink diamond earrings, a pink diamond necklace, silver bracelet, white and yellow jacket thing, black shirt, white and black skort, yellow and white boots with a weird black stripe and pink diamond thing on it, and wow she's shorter than me. And I'm five foot 9. Soooo. What now? ...................
Episode 4 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 4 Ohhhhhhkaaaaaaaaaaaay. Well that's not exactly the first words I wanted to hear out of my new sister. "This is your new sister." Spoiled said "No. Really, mom, what is it." Diamond said "Really, Ms. Tiara, this is your new sister." Randolph said Diamond just looked at me as I gave her a patient smile. "You look somewhat like a human." Diamond said "Yeah, I mean, I do look somewhat like a human." I said "I see." She said, "I have to go meet up with the Crusaders." And then she left semi slamming the door making me wince. "She seemed upset." I said "Well to be honest I never had an intention of adopting you, but there's just something about you with your enthusiasm and dream of being rich that drove me crazy." Spoiled said Oookay then. "Why have you had that dream anyways?" Spoiled asked me "I'll explain but first, Randolph, could you please take my backpack to my room wherever that may be, and be careful with it please!" I said "Yes Ms. Summers." Randolph said before going upstairs "Well, overall it had to do with my biological dad. He was a business guy who took trips across the world to expand his business. I don't exactly remember what he did but I know it involved sea and air trading. Most of the money he made had to go to his workers, bills, and taxes. I never really got to see him much since he was always traveling, but the times when he did come home was either for vacation, sleep, or giving me and my mom a gift from one of his trips." I explained "What was his name?" Spoiled asked "Jake Summers." I answered, "My mom's name was Mary J. Summers. My mom, was kind of a drug addict. I won't go too much into it, but overall her side of the family was consumed by, and is made up of, nothing but drug addicts of some kind. My mom was seriously addicted to Mary J/Pot, Ironic if you think about it, and Oxycodone, most of the money came out of dad's pocket too." "Why didn't he divorce her?!" Spoiled asked "Dad always thought mom could change, that some day she would just stop, but after my birth she just did it even more. Though I was getting suspicious of him lately before I arrived that he might be cheating on mom." I stated, "I found these letters in Japanese as well as dick helping dad learn Japanese. Now the disk thing was normal since dad had a disk of every language possible which he would pop out and listen to should he ever travel to a county or nation that can't speak English well. But what wasn't normal was that ever since I found those love letters he's been not only been speaking in Japanese more, but also writing in Japanese as well." "Does your mom know?" Spoiled asked "No. And even if she did she'd be too drugged up to even care. Her memory was never really the best anyways." I explained, "But then again that's what my whole life has been like. Drugs, lies, cheating, stealing, it's life though." "You're taking all of it rather well though. Are you okay?" Spoiled asked "Are you kidding me? My life is pretty much the life of a troubled past over powered Mary Sue OC, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MOCKERY YOU CAN GET FOR THAT?! A LOT!" I said, "I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH BEING MADE FUN OF AND BEING HATED FOR MY BACKSTORY FOR THE PAST YEARS, AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Some day those people are gonna learn some people DO have that kind of backstory and just have to deal with it! Hell it's better than just being left in the dark for a long time and not knowing what it is that motivates them until they reveal it before they unknowingly die! I'm glad I left Earth there's too many psychos on that damn planet anyways. Humanity is pretty much gonna be its own ultimate demise if that kind of stuff keeps up where we judge people based on their backstory and not wondering what the future holds for them after revealing said backstory. Their backstory could be tragic like mine, but in the end it wouldn't even matter because they might have a bright future ahead of them. Another could be Mary Suish, and ultimately be their ultimate demise in the future. And it works both ways too-" Spoiled was looking kind of worried at me. "Sorry. I tend to go on rambles like that whenever I get invested into a topic." I explained, "It's best to just let me go on until I get tired, last time someone interrupted me when I was rambling, well lets just say he got A LOT of verbal abuse from me." "Noted." Spoiled said "Soooo, where am I gonna be sleeping?" I asked So after taking out everything in my backpack and putting it in certain places in the originally guest bedroom, now my room, and started thinking. "What's my purpose of being here? Why am I here? Is this all just some crazy experiment by DMan? Hell if I know." I said to myself "I wouldn't exactly call it a experiment." Suddenly I felt like I couldn't move, and out of a white portal came DMan. "YOU!" I shouted, "What do you want!" "I've just simply come to tell you something extremely important and answer a few of your questions." DMan said, "But I feel before I give any info, you should have the liberty of getting some questions answered." "First off, who are you?!" I asked "My real name is Discord. I am one of the many versions of the spirit of chaos and disharmony." He answered "Why do you call yourself more important?" "Because, Emily, I've managed to do what other Discords only dream of. I've actually managed to go to other universes, without being immediately recognized. I've went under the name DMan and based my looks off of him because of his mystery in the Half Life universe. Half Life was my first real knowledge of the human world." "Why did you destroy my old home?!" "Unfortunately, I couldn't risk having it being known that my Displacer had been found. You never know if another Discord might be nearby seeing as they usually like to pluck humans from Earth every now and then and give them a hard and funny time. So I did what GMan did. Destroyed the place the MC was in. Right now Grainger High is a crater from a military cover up of the Half Life creatures I used. I was going to use Race X, but I felt Xen creatures more suiting." "Okay then. Well how did two biology students locate your Displacer anyways? It looked like it was just shipped in." "That was actually a disguise I placed on it when I never used it. But when I lost it, it must've ended up underground somehow and was located by two expelled students with metal detectors looking for money and such on school grounds. Why they were doing it there, I'm not sure. Possibly trying to show they changed or something?" "How did you even lose your Displacer anyways?" "It was a long time ago. Back when I didn't look like this. I'm actually from this universe if it helps to calm you. Back then when I was working on a way to travel to other universes, and not playing Half Life or Opposing Force, I was working on that Displacer. That Displacer you know was actually a prototype until I made another that, when Celestia and Luna found me, I absorbed out of frightfulness and after teleporting into a black void, I pretty much became the GMan. I even adopted his look, kind of, as you can see." "IIIIIII, can." I said, "But where's your Displacer now?" "Somewhere in this Equestria right now. I don't know where, but I know it teleported itself before I could retrieve it. I don't know how or why, but it did." He explained "Is my family okay?" I asked "Unfortunately, no. The military saw through the found security footage that somehow you were still alive and teleporting. So they went after your family and killed them as part of the cover up." Aw man! First Ashley, and now my parents?! IS THIS RIDE OF EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME GONNA NEVER END?! "Well, uh, why did you let me go when I asked to be given a second chance at life?" "At first I didn't want to let you have a second chance, but I remembered that without the essential food and water humans can die quickly. So I had a change of heart. I'm not that heartless of a person. But I was still right. You're in a place where you can do no possible harm, and no harm can come to you. Kind of." "Well, what did you mean by new weapons?" "I'm not at liberty to say. Lets just say that if you had a H.E.C.U marine outfit on and this was an Opposing Force mod, you would see seven weapon slots." Ohhhhh hell yeah! "Well, did you injure me and knock me out? I was told i was found knocked out and wounded." "No." "No?! Well who did?!" "You'll find out soon. It's the same answer for if you're wondering if I comatosed you." "Well, what did you mean when you said you couldn't leave my world?" "I banished myself to your world until I found the prototype Displacer. As you can see, I did. I did it out of embarrassment, because a Discord without his favorite tool is like a yodel without a 'a-he hoo!' You get me?" "Yeaaah? Well, uh, um, what did you mean by loose ends needing to be tied up?" "There are two answers to that. Number one, I've always wanted to use GMan's speech to Shephard. And number two, fixing some problems other Discords have made to your world. More specifically fixing problems done by Discords dressing as the Resident Evil 4 merchant and giving unsuspecting humans items that will send them to other Equestrias. I fear that it may still be going on, but I will get to those, if and when another come around again." "Well, why did you wanna keep e in stasis in the first place?" "Like I said, I'm a Discord that has a personal fascination with humans like you. Your kind reminds me of myself when I was a teenager. Hotheaded, an asshole at times, tragic past, it's people like you who think they're on top of the mountain, when in reality you are going to be despised by everyone who reads about you because people can't see a Random and Comedy tag if it was right in front of them." He then turned to look at you the reader with a crazy look in his eyes. "I'm watching." He then turned back to Emily. "Anyways, it's people like you who always end up being despised for how bland they are. Constantly using jokes from other medium, trying to be as hip and edgy as can possibly be! Take it from me kid you have to learn to sometimes smack yourself in the face and say, this isn't going to work and make something original for a change." "But all I know is to use jokes from other medium." "Well you ain't gonna get far with that, trust me, I've seen other fics with potential fall because of that." "What?" "You'll understand one day, but I think you get the point." He said, "Any other questions?" "Yeah, were there other witnesses?" "Yes. The football coach, a few outside cops just to name a few." "So quiet a few people saw what was going on?" "Yes. But to prevent something like me killing the witnesses and then killing the witnesses to me killing the witnesses, etc. I decided to just simply destroy GHS." "Well, who are your so called friends?" "GMan and his employers." "YOU'VE MET GMAN AND HIS EMPLOYERS?!" "Multiverse theory." "Oh yeah." "Gman was usually rather impressed with all I was doing on Earth and offered me a job. It was one I couldn't deny." He said, "My time here grows short. Was there one last question you wanted to ask?" "Yeah, who yelled back rubs at me?!" "Oh that was me. I just got through seeing episode 61 of Freeman's Mind and thought it would be funny to do that." He explained, "Well, my time here is up. I'm sorry for if I couldn't answer any new questions you have right now Emily, but we will meet each other soon. Farewell for now." He then left through another portal leaving me alone to think.
Episode 5 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 5 Soooo. What now? Well I've learned a whole lot of stuff, but at the same time I've got just even more questions now. I even just realized I should've asked him how he knew my name. Okay so what are a few questions I should ask him next time I see him? Well outside of that obvious one, what even is his job with GMan and his employers? Does everyone in Equestria even think he's still alive? Has any even changed because of this? Do other Discords know about DMan's accomplishment? Do other Discords know that DMan's fixing their messes? I need some rest. I quickly pulled off my cloths and went straight to sleep. Yeah I sleep in the nude so what? Don't tell me you haven't tried it at least once. I awoke to find myself, in a dark room? Uhhhh, where am I? Am I dreaming? I must be since i just went to sleep. Okay what if I turn around? I turned around to see a H.E.C.U Marine Power Armor Vest and the same gas mask Adrian Shephard wore. Sweet! I ran into them and a power up noise came and I saw health and a armor power reading in the bottle left of my vision. Eeyup, this is a dream. I turned back around to see I was now in some kind of forest. A forest? Man I could dream of WAY better scenario than this! Waaaait a second. This isn't another one of my visions is it? For those who don't know, I have this gift where I can foresee events before they can ever occur. I never know when it happens, so when it does it comes as a surprise to me. Don't think of it as a OP Mary Sue thing, it only happens to warm me of anything that might embarrass me, or put me in total danger. It's a rare occurrence, so don't expect it EVERY chapter. I went through my inventory and found I had seven inventory slots. All in rows of three except for seven and six which had only two. I went to slot one. Items were a Pipe Wrench, Combat Knife, and a Spear. I checked slot two. There was a Glock 17, Colt Python, and Desert Eagle with laser sight. Slot 3, MP5 with a grenade attachment, M4 with no grenade attachment, and SPAS-12. Slot 4, RPG with a tracking laser sight, Gluon Gun, and Tau Cannon. Those two came at a surprise. What the hell?! This really is a dream! Well, anyways, slot 5, hand grenades, satchel charges, and laser claymore trip mines. Slot 6, M249 S.A.W and Sniper Rifle. Slot 7, jars of ink which made me slip, and a rod producing electricity. Damn I've got quiet the arsenal. Maybe this won't be such a bad dream. I then heard the cry of a poison headcrab zombie. Okay I take it back, this is a living nightmare! I quickly pulled out the M249 and prepared myself. Oh please god let this suit have the nerotoxin cure. I was waiting and then I heard running footsteps. Pulling out some binoculars I saw- WHAT THE FUCK?! A BLOOD HOOF?! AW HELL NAW! HELL NAW! I fired a shit ton of bullets into the zombie and tore it to shreds with the M249's bullet barrage. Ha ha! Take that you Blank rip off! Uhhh, why the hell is Nuclear Mission Jam playing? I quickly pulled up my binoculars and- oh. Ohhhhhh! I SEE WHY NOW! HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S A DAMN HOARD OF BLOODY HOOVES, RAGE VIRUS ZOMBIES, AND BLANKS! FUCK I DON'T THINK I'VE GOT ENOUGH BULLETS FOR THIS SHIT! UH, DMAN ANY TIME NOW! HELP! GAH FUCK ME SIDEWAYS I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WAIT! I'M GONNA BE A FUCKING PILE OF LIMBS IF I DON'T ACT NOW! I blasted all of my M249 bullets at the hoard. DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE! The numbers slowly thinned out, but soon my M249 was out of bullets. I quickly switched to the MP5 out of fear and started using the grenades. There were only 3 and those only made the hoard somewhat thin. Damn, damn, damn, damn! They're getting closer! WHAT DO I DO?! I quickly pulled out the SPAS-12 and double barrel blasted the oncoming hoard. The numbers thinned again but not by much before I was out of bullets again. Okay, time for a new approach! I pulled out the Gluon Gun. OH PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE DIFFERENT AMMO THAN THE TAU CANON! I fired the beam at the hoard killing some by slicing them in half. I ran out of ammo just as soon as it was down to just a few left. I switched to the Tau Canon, OH THANK GOD IT USED DIFFERENT URANIUM AMMO,but it was too late! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEONE HELP ME!" "BEGONE WRETCHED CREATURES!" Suddenly lightning came down eradicating the hoard and putting me into a peaceful valley filled with flowers. "What the?! Did I do that?!" I asked myself out loud "No. It is our doing." I turned around to see- what the fuck?! Sh was a dark blue alicorn with a long flowing mane glistening of stars, her tiara was pure black as well as her royal like apparel. "Whoa! Did I take Oxycodone in my sleep again?" I asked myself, "Because that's the only way I'd imagine a hot babe like that in my dreams." She seemed to blush. "Flattering. But no. I am not a figment of your dreams. I am Princess Luna. The princess of the night and guardian of dreams." She stated, "It is my duty to help those of Equestria to seek a different path than the one they take, before they wind up like I once did." "That's most likely stuff that's gonna be used later into the story so I'm not gonna ask what you mean. Yet." "What?" "Nothing." I said, "Sooo, why are you here?" "It has come to my attention that you are new to Equestria right?" Luna asked "Yeah." I answered "Tell me. What do you know of this DMan that Twilight' told me about?" Luna aked "He's this world's Discord who can go to other universes." I answered "THAT FOUL CREATURE IS STILL ALIVE?!" She asked in shock "Whoa, whoa, whoa! He's just been on my world cleaning up the messes other Discords have done!" I said "The messes other Discords have made?" She asked, "I don't follow." After explaining the whole situation to Luna, I think she has a better understanding of the situation. "I see. You are very lucky then." She said, "Hmmm. Emily, what do you wanna become when you grow older?" "I was thinking about joining the military, or possibly becoming a Theoretical Physicist, but I reconsidered the second I realized the military would want me to cut my hair and and I'd have to have my hair in a way as to where it wouldn't catch on fire if I was to become a Theoretical Physicist, and I like my hair like it is." I said, "As of right now, I really don't know." "Emily, as of yeasterday you're trending down a path someone else once took." Luna said, "A dark path no pony should've taken." "Excuse me?" I said, "You're not making much sense right now Luna." "You'll learn in due time Emily Summers. In due time you will learn that sometimes dreams aren't always worth chasing." She then flew up into the sky and everything started to go hazy. I soon awoke and looked around. Whoa. Now that was trippy dippy. I soon put on my cloths and put my backpack on putting the pipe wrench inside. Hey ya can't exactly be too careful now can ya? Heading downstairs I yawned closing my eyes before quickly opening them as soon as I felt I bumped into someone. I saw it was Randolph. "Sorry Randolph. Didn't see ya there." I said with a sly giggle "It's alright Ms. Summers. Mrs. Rich wanted to see you outside." Randolph said "Oh really? Huh, wonder what she wants." I said to myself I went outside and was met with Spoiled holding her hands behind her back. Okay either she has something for me, or she's secretly got her fingers crossed. Either way, I'm not ready for either of them. Okay maybe the former I do, but I'm still not sure. "Emily." Spoiled said getting my attention, "You are my daughter now. You know this." "Yea? So?" I asked She moved her hands out forward and- am I still dreaming? I mean there is no way real, I mean she just placed a diamond tiara on my head! Er, not my sister, I mean, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Well, might as well check to see if I am dreaming, can't hurt to check can it? I raised part of my shirt and put my hand on my side- YEOWCH! And pinched myself. "Okay I am certainly not dreaming." I said outloud "I gave you that tiara so that ponies may recognize you for who you are. Emily, I want you to show your fellow classmates in school that you mean business, that you aren't as weak as your sister is, that you will not fall for what those Crusaders have to say. They are below you, remember that." "In other words keep doing what I've always been doing." "Excuse me?" "Oh please I already knew those that aren't like me are below me. AND I HAVE A TIARA TO PROVE IT NOW JOEY!" "Why are you screaming into the sky? And who's Joey?" "Someone who, if he was here right now, would be getting the I told you so dance." Spoiled just looked confused. "Don't judge me." I said So. I'm going to a school for foals. Well if there's any way I'm gonna learn anything about this world going to school seems like the only logical coarse of action. Also from what I've told Spoiled about my school system, Ponyville has no High School, or Middle School, since it was founded by Earth Ponies. That doesn't exactly make a whole lot of sense, but I'm in a world full of anthropomorphic ponies who can use magic and fly, what do I have to argue with when everything around here would make Issac Newton go crazy and lay an egg within a matter of seconds of seeing this world. Every bit of logic I had back on Earth has been completely thrown out the damn window, and who the hell knows if any of my eleventh grade knowledge is gonna help me. As long as it doesn't involve math I'll be good. Math has gotta be the one subject everyone hates about school. I mean a shit ton of that stuff is not even needed for people who's going for a regular diploma, I mean a lot of it is just for people who seek advanced jobs and wanna try to make a business from the word go. If I was still back on earth I would show them that it's possible to get rich from earning your way there. But, here I am, living the rich life, I guess, from the word go. Man this all feels like some kind of giant experiment, like this is all just one big test to see what would happen if someone who's clearly had a lot of thinking and time on their hands to be put in this type of scenario and see where everything went from there. Maybe this is all just an experiment. Maybe I'm just in purgatory because maybe I'm actually dead. Who knows where this new life is gonna take me. Just as long as I don't have to do a giant story that makes half to no sense all the time, Then again I could use some more weapons. I mean a Pipe Wrench is good and all, but even that starts to grow dull over time. I don't think I've even used it at all this entire story. I mean outside of breaking that glass that proved to be pointless, the only actual weapon I used was the Colt Python, but I got to use one damn bullet. That's not exciting. Suddenly I heard the sound of a Glock 17 going off. What the?! I went towards the sound through the trees and came out to a clearing where there was a- wait WHAT THE HELL?! IS THAT ME?! Oh wait it's just a random useless OC that just so happens to have my clothing minus a few in some areas. This feels like deja vu for some reason. I bet there's probably others out there that suffers the same problem. They find a dead body, somehow come to the conclusion it's them, but then realize it's just a random OC pony that looks like them. I mean how would you even come to the conclusion that it's yourself in the first place?! Time travel?! I'm pretty sure if this was me I would've felt something by now. That's what happens when a version of your from the future dies right? Time travel's weird, I'm just giving myself a headache thinking about it. Okay let's see how he/she died. Hmmm. Okay no bullet holes from the looks of things, claw marks allover the body, what looks to be a hole in the stomach presumably by a large piercing object, looks like she got mauled to death and got pierced. But how though? I didn't hear anything that sounded like animal that could maul her to death or even pierce her. I just heard gunshots and that's it. Ah well. Free weapon! I'll take that! Okay let's see here. Hmm. Hey wait a minute! This isn't a Glock 17! This is a Beretta M9! It's just got the damn clip size of a Glock 17! What the hell! Either someone put in the high definition graphics of my life, or these ponies don't know their guns! Ehhh I'll go for the later being correct. I mean if humans are part of Equestrian mythology they probably know all about humans having guns. They probably just can't tell the names of some of them. Oh cool some extra ammo. Okay replace the clip, done. Now to just put these into my backpack and get the hell out of here. Come to think of it, how the hell is my backpack even capable of holding all this? I mean it makes more sense then having 1,000 of TVs on your person to hold everything, I'm looking at you Silent Hill, and naturally a backpack can help in the most crucial of ammo situations. Why else do soldiers even have back packs in the first place other than to carry around the the essentials? Man if I was saying this out loud and Ashley was here she'd be going, "You're just saying all that to make you feel big Emily, like usual you're just overthinking things." WELL WHO'S OVERTHINKING NOW?! I HAVE A GUN! Well, time to go to school with a gun in my backpack.
Episode 6 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 6 You know I just realized that Discord never told me what he was wanting to say to me. We must've been caught in so much talking that he must've forgotten. Ah well, what can ya do. Whoa, now that school defiantly looks like something out of the 1900's. I mean just look at it! Red, a bell, one room from the looks of things, this is so 1900's it's not even funny! I'd say 1900's or 1930's. Somewhere around there. Maybe earlier I don't really know. I looked around to see different foals, even Diamond hanging out with a grey filly. Wonder what she's saying. Suddenly I heard the bell. Whoa, no time to chit chat gotta go inside! I quickly looked through my back pack to make sure everything was there and sure enough Pipe Wrench, Beretta M9, and its ammo was there. Okay enough standing around time to go inside. Okay I'm inside and everyone is staring at me. Not exactly a good first impression. Oh hey it's Diamond! "Hey sis!" I called out to her She just growled and slammed her head into her desk which made me giggle. "Excuse me, are you new?" I heard a new voice "Yeah. So?" I asked turning around If this was an anime I would be nose bleeding right now. Because I was now staring at a fine looking pair of boobs, I'll be it covered up by clothing. I then took a step back to get a better look at, what I assumed to be, the teacher had a Moderate cerise type of fur color, her mane and tail was Pale, light grayish rose with with light ceriseish gray stripes, her eye color was that of a Grayish harlequin while her fingernails were painted like her mane stripes. Her outfit was that of a rolled up long sleeved button up white shirt with a brown sweater vest over it. Her dress was that of long green one with a flower pattern on it, while on her legs she wore brown stockings and 4.5 inch black high heels. She was dressed like a teacher alright. Damn my female teacher fetish. "Oh-oh my goodness. You're that human aren't you!" She said in surprise "Yeah, so? And how do you even know about me already?" I asked "You were spotted by quiet a few ponies and word spreads quickly around this small town." She explained SMALL TOWN MY ASS! TRYING TO GET FROM THE ORPHANAGE TO SPOILED'S HOUSE NEARLY KILLED ME! "I also heard you were adopted by Spoiled Rich judging from the tiara on your head." "Indeed." I heard whispers among the students. Oh great, what did I do now?! "You know it's rather quiet convenient that you've appeared." She said before going over to the chalkboard A chalkboard? Really? I'm not even gonna ask. Actually I am! Just what is this world's technology level?! Can I not get a simple answer?! Let me guess though, I'm never gonna get a straight answer to that question am I? Wait, did she just say it was convenient that I appeared? "Convenient? What do you mean convenient?" I asked "Today's lesson is continuing to look at ancient Human Mythology!" She said There was collective groans from the students. They apparently didn't like that. But I do. "Oh sweet Celestia where are my manners today!? I'm sorry Miss-" "Summers. Emily Summers." "I'm sorry Ms. Emily Summers, but I've just been so busy lately, combined with-" I raised my hand and she stopped talking. "Teach-" "Ms. Cheerilee-" "Cheerilee. Just zip it. I can understand. Just get on with the lesson. If you want, I can stay up here and tell you if that myth is true or not." I said Cheerilee just nodded. "There we go." I said, "Now onto the lesson shall we?" "Yes. Lets." Cheerilee said now sweating She acts like she's never seen a human before. Oh wait... "Anyways, can anypony tell the class and Ms. Summers what the last Human Myth was?" Sis raised her hand. Whoa, where did that come from?! "Yes Diamond Tiara?" "Humans were the inventors of today's modern teleportation." She said "Now we didn't!" I said loudly, "Teleportation was a far cry before I vanished. It was all just Science-Fiction, totally fake, and nothing more because the government was always wasting their tax return dollars on useless shit rather than advancing our technology or trying to advance our relations with other nations." There was a cry of sadness among the kids. "Tell me about it." I said "Well kids, today's mythology is why we like what we are." Cheerilee said, "Basically why are built like this." Humans were what gave birth to these anthros? I can dig it. "Summers, do you mind answering these foals questions if they have any after the lesson?" "Just as long as it doesn't involve penises, the plague, or the president of Azerbaijan." I said "Anyway." Cheerilee began, "It is a commonly believed myth among ponies that our biology came from humans. We have hands and feet just like Ms. Summers and vice versa." It's creepy to me. Ad it always will be creepy. "From ancient artifacts gathered overtime, scientist and philosophers have concluded that somewhere in the past, a nuclear radiation explosion wiped out all the humans." Makes sense. Ever since the United States learned that Cuba was holding nuclear warheads from Russia there was always the threat of a nuclear war. Looks like it finally happened. "It is said that those humans that did survive the explosion, never knew of the nuclear radiation's unforeseen mutations afterwords. It is said that they mutated and became just like us. Some killed themselves out of fear, others went into hiding, while others changed their names and started new lives." I'm starting to get a very Fallout right now. Also, man, some people killed themselves after mutating? Damn I and I thought I had appearance issues. I mean, I almost go crazy if my hair isn't exactly like I want it to be, that's why I usually like to cut my own hair, but damn I mean that's overdoing it a little don't ya think? I mean at least try to adjust to your new body before flying off the handle like that. "Ms. Cheerilee, I have a question." I said "Yes, Ms. Summers?" Cheerilee asked "How exactly did they find the remains of a human? I mean I know archaeology is the obvious answer, but just HOW? I know humans are all suppost to be myths and these myths are suppost to help explain why some of the stuff you have right now exists, but if a nuclear explosion did go off, I'm pretty sure human remains would not exactly be around. From what I know, nuclear bombs are suppost to destroy any type of living organism within it's explosion range and everything be it bones or wood is living matter. Logically there's no way a nuclear explosion caused all of you to exists. But even if a nuclear explosion did happen and a human skeleton SOMEHOW managed to survive, scientifically, everyone on the planet wouldn't mutate into anthropomorphic ponies, but get all kinds of random mutations or just get obliterated from the explosion itself. Obviously the only way I can see how a human skeleton was found is that humans went extinct somehow and ponies along with some other types of animals evolved an turned into anthropomorphic animals with some of them breeding or fusing, somehow, to make once mythical creatures a reality." I think I might be taking too many science classes. Are they wide eyed and jaw dropped yet? Eeyup, they're wide eyed jaw dropped. Fantastic, Emily, you blew the minds of your classmates once again! Jesus tap dancing Christ can I go ONE DAY without something like that happening to me?! "I was a high school Junior before I arrived in Equestria." I explained At this rate I might as well just be in a hazard suit and called Emily Freeman. Now if only I had a crowbar... "Uh, can you please stop staring at me now it's kind of creepy." I said They were suddenly pointing behind me. "What? There's something behind me?" I asked They nodded. What? What could be behind me that made them like this? Well I'll just turn around and- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! " I jumped back in surprise hitting my head on Cheerilee's desk. "MOTHER F- MEDIC!" I shouted holding my head I looked back at the entrance way to see Discord/DMan- OH MOTHER OF GOD MY HEAD HURTS! Okay, I need a quick lie down!
Episode 7 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 7 Oh god my head. Okay I think the pain's gone now. I got off of the floor and went to Discord. "What is it you want now!" I asked I heard the sound of a teleportation noise and now we- what the fuck?! Holy hell this is the place where Corporal Adrian Shephard was in stasis! I looked to my left to- OH MY GOD! AHHHHHHHH! IT'S ADRIAN SHEPHARD! I let out a loud fan girl scream which caused Adrian to look at me- HOLY FUCK HE'S LOOKING AT ME! "What the? Um hi, I wasn't expecting company so don't mind the place being a little dirty." He said EEEEEE! HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE SHEPHARD'S MIND SHEPHARD! EEEEEEEEEEEEE- "Sorry for the rude interuption Corporal Shephard, but we needed the space." Discord said, "Just don't mind us." EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- okay that's enough. "Emily, we spent so much time talking last time we met, that I forgot to tell you something important." Discord said "Lay it on me." I said "You may have noticed a random OC Pony that sort of looked like you during your trip to school am I right?" Discord asked "Yeah?" I asked in a puzzled voice "Well Emily, that OC, was you." Discord said "EXCUSE ME!?" I shouted THAT RANDOM OC REALLY WAS ME?! "WHAT?! HOW?! WHY?! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!" "All in due time Ms. Summers. All in due time. For the time me and Gman have agreed that for now, you'll need to figure this little puzzle on your own." Discord said "B-b-b-but-" "No need in arguing Ms. Summers. The decision has already been made." Discord said "Umm, can I please be set free now?" Shephard asked, "And could I possibly have Sparky, Gill, and Barney back?" "Your time will come Corporal, your time will come." Discord said, "Just be patient." "I'm running out of patience, I'm hungry, thirsty, I just want to see some action." Shephard said "Hmmmm." Discord moaned, "I might be able to work a little something with Gman and his employers to do something with you. But for now just stay patient." Shephard just grumbled causing me to fan girl giggle. "Soo. Where are ya dropping me off this time?" I asked "Somewhere that'll give you a clue as to what exactly is going on." Discord said, "But be warned Emily Summers, you're about to enter a path others have taken, and said path is one many have not come back from, because you see Emily Summers for there are many trials ahead of you, and each trial is more treacherous than the last." Yawn. All I heard was; you're going down a dangerous path, blah blah, you're going to go on an adventure weather you like it or not, blah blah, Irony is a bitch, blah blah, there's gonna be trials a.k.a boss battles, blah blah, there may or may not be some bigger story behind this whole thing, blah blah, I may or may not find others like that random OC, blah blah, other cliche warning stuff, blah blah blah. I just wanna go home right now, forget about all this, and NOT be a hero. I heard a teleportation noise and- what the fuck? What is this some type of broken down castle? Jesus this place needs a Miley Cyrus wrecking ball bad. Okay equipment check. I shuffled around in my backpack and pulled out the Pipe Wrench. Okay I still have that. Okay place that in my pocket and.... got it! Eeyup, that's still a Beretta M9. And I've still yet to use my weapons. Where's something to shoot when you need it!? Suddenly there was the cry/warning of a... poison.... headcrab..... zombie...... NO NO NO, NO NO NO NO NO NOOO, N-NO NO NO! WHY, WHY, WHY?! AM I IN HELL RIGHT NOW?! AM I SERIOUSLY IN HELL?! Okay Emily, calm down, calm down. Maybe it was just your imagination- HOLY HELL I'M GONNA DIE! Suddenly there was the sound of falling rubble. Oh god, oh god oh god! What do I do, what do I do!? I'M FREAKING OUT! ?! What the hell?! Is that the sound of a SPAS-12?! "MOTHER FU- MEDIC!" Nice try, I already made that Black Mesa ref- wait that was a different voice. Suddenly some of the ceiling caved in and a anthro stallion clad in some kind of gold armor fell back first and got speared through his stomach from a sharp piece of rubble killing him instantly. "Okaayyyy, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED?! WHY DID THE CEILING PARTIALLY CAVE IN!? WHY WAS THERE SOMEONE EVEN ON THE CEILING?! HOW THE FUCK DID HE EVEN GET ON THE CEILING?! WHAT THE HELL WAS WITH THE DAMN POISON ZOMBIE NOISE?! AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Heavy panting. Okay, okay, I think I'm okay now. Okay time to upgrade my arsenal. I went over to the SPAS-12 to get a better look at it. Okay lets see here. Hmmm, yeah this is a SPAS-12. Okay it's got its stock folded and butt hook removed, yeah I'm keeping this. And hey shotgun ammo! Okay let's see how much ammo was in here. Okay take out the shells- two? Two was all that was left in the thing? Damn he must've been shooting a something that needed all those bullets used. Okay reloading, reloading, reloading, aannnnd.... Click there we go. Eight bullets exactly in. And four bullets left over too. Alright time to see if anyone's man enough to challenge me. After going around the rubble I exited the room. Hallways, hallways, hallways, hallways. That's all I've been seeing for the past while, nothing but hallways. There was the occasional door, but they were all locked. Why though? I mean this place is, from the look of things, abandoned, why lock everything? Is somebody else using this place? If they are, why is it in such disarray? You know, I guess Discord was kind of implying that he would send me to a place that would explain some stuff, but right now I'm not seeing anything that's explaining everything. I've just got even more damn questions. Son of a bitch- HOLY CRAP AN OPEN DOOR, YES! I rushed towards it as fast as my legs would let me and opened it further to reveal, a dark ass room. Damn it where's a flashlight when you need it?! "Squad, no sign, of life, over." It was that moment I pissed myself. H.E.C.U MARINES NOW?! OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE! Footsteps?! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I GOTTA HIDE! I quickly hid in the dark room looking through a crack I made in the door. The footsteps got louder and louder as did my heartbeats. Then I saw them. Three golden armor clad white furred stallions, one holding a M4A1, one holding a MP5, the other holding a- HOLY SHIT THAT'S A FUCKING M249 S.A.W! "I killed twelve dumb ass Everfree Creatures and not one of them falled back. This sucks." The one holding the MP5 said "Yeah but the thing is, who ordered this operation anyways?" The one holding the M4A1 asked "We came here because we were ordered to hunt down the remnants of Nightmare Moon." The one holding the M249 said, "Colonel Sky High always wanted to make sure something was dead for good and now we're here to clean up a mess those former element bearers couldn't handle." "Why don't we do that, AND kill them as well?" The one holding the M4A1 asked "Because we could get executed for treason. I mean I want call those phonies out as much as you do, but I'm not going to go to that length to do it." The one holding the M249 said, "Besides this isn't a cover up. Government cover ups are not in our job descriptions. That goes to the Night Guard." "Why do they always get the exciting jobs though? We're the Celestial Guard for fucks sake we should be doing the cover ups while the Night Guard finishes up everything!" The one holding the MP5 said "Private, we are the Celestial Guard, yes, but we have a image in the mind of the public! If we go out into the unknown doing cover ups all the time ponies are gonna get fearful of us!" The one holding the M249 said, "And right now, that's the last thing Celestia needs to worry about! Do you understand me!?" "Sir, yes sir!" The one holding the MP5 shouted The three just walked away and after seeing them disappear I exited the room. Well I'm boned. Time to continue on my way. I'm walking in hallways, so boarrd, I'm walking in hallways, fuck me, and don't it feel boooring. Jesus, how big is this place?! Well I might as well take this time to think. First off, why the hell was, essentially, Equestria's Army here? Those three were talking about wiping out the remnants of Nightmare Moon, but who the hell even is that? That freaking sounds like the name of some b list movie villain. Or hell even a c list comic book villain, actually that name wouldn't sound too out of place in a Spider-Man comic. But who even was she? Was she some sort of tyrant? Some kind of evil sorcerer? A misguided soul who fell down the dark path just because something she did was never appreciated by anyone other than herself, friends, and family? Nah that's too cliche- "SQUAD! WE'VE, GOT, HOSTILES!" I looked to see- OH SHIT! Quickly hiding behind a pile of rubble I managed to dodge the bullet barrage of a MP5. I think now I just realized something. I HAVE NO ARMOR! ONE HIT AND I'M A GOOD AS DEAD! Fuck they're coming this way! Say hello to my little SPAS-12 friend! Hey what's that clunking noise- GRENADE! Rolling out of the way I narrowly avoided the explosion, but damn did I still feel it. Fuck, I think I've got shrapnel in me now! OH FUCK THEY'RE FIRING! RUN FOREST, RUN FOREST, FOREST RUN, FOREST RUN! Okay back behind cover, great! Now what?! Um, okay lay down suppression fire, lay down suppression fire. Ngh. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I released everything blindly behind the corner screaming my head off until I heard the sound of three death noises. Then I realized I was out of ammo. There anymore? I loved over the rubble. No gunfire. Okay so far so good. Okay so I just killed some people, I don't know how to react. On one hand I could get in huge trouble for this. On the other hand I can say it was self defense and it can be justified. I mean it was only two people and they attacked first. Either way, MP5 TIME! Okay- aw gross, it's got blood on it. Okay lets see here. Huh, no M203 grenade launcher on it, thank you Half-Life Wiki, looks like I'll have to get a M4A1 to be throwing grenades everywhere. Oh good the other guys had ammo. Okay how much ammo we got in here. Hmm. 15, twenty, twenty-five ammo? Huh and this full clip is, twenty, twenty-five, thirty exactly. No fifty bullets for me then. Well for now at least. Okay reload and put the other mags in my backpack and done. Whoops. Forgot to set it to fully automatic. And now I'm done. Okay, now that I've killed some people now what do I do?
Episode 8 EMILY'S MIND EPISODE 8 Okay, I'm looking at this map, and I am totally confused. It showing me a giant red X in a room on the 2nd floor, but I'm not even sure if I'm even on the 2nd floor. It says here's there's a tower leading towards Nightmare Moon's old armor, but from the looks of the map I've gotta stay away from that area for now. Seriously though which fucking floor am I- ... I'm located on the 3rd floor and the stairs aren't that far away.... I really need to pay attention to maps more. Okay time to get moving Later as I walked on I came to a door that looked to be blown off its hinges. Well, I don't need this anymore, better keep though just in case I get lost. After putting the map in my backpack I switched out the MP5 with the SPAS-12. My heart was pounding as I approached the room. But then I noticed a light peaking out of it. I looked closer, and it was a flashlight. YES! OH THANK FUCKING GOD! I went over to it and picked it up. I then realized it was a simple dash from the door to the flashlight. You know it looked like it was pointing towards the wall, wonder what- OH MY GOD! Written in blood was, "MANY HAVE COME, MANY HAVE DIED. I WILL LIVE ON FOREVER, AND NO ONE WILL STOP ME." Is this the clue Discord was talking about? "Many have come, many have died. I will live on forever, and no one will stop me." I told myself, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" I'll have time to dwell on that later I need to think about some other things right now. Like why the hell did Spoiled adopt me? I know I gave her the all clear, but she said she just wanted to see if she could live up to my standards. Is there something bigger going on that I'm not aware of? I mean she even gave me a diamond tiara, and I know those things take forever to make, there's no way she had one prepared by tomorrow, unless- oh I get it now. She ALWAYS had the intention of adopting me! But for what reason though? There's bound to be an answer to everything. It's not like as if the story I'm currently trending has a planned sequel that'll just lead to a bullshit plot line never even talked about on my whole adventure up until that point right? Hell, I might even get a weapon foreshadowing said adventure later on too! Okay, I think everyone agrees in saying there's no way that's gonna happen. I mean that would just be plum out bullshit. I bet the ending of this little story of mine is gonna be me, after a final battle, meeting the creator of this little adventure and him or her explaining to me just why my adventure was made and just what the message/purpose of it was. I then took the Tiara off and looked at it. Ya know I expected this to fall off and shatter a LONG time ago. How is it even still on my head- is that a button? I pressed it and it did nothing. Well, that was anti-climactic. I then placed it back on my- YE-OUCH! WATITITITYA! MOTHER FUCKER THAT ELECTRIFIED ME! ..... Am... am I going crazy? Is- is that a health counter as well as a suit power monitor in the lower corner of my glasses?! AND A MUNITION LEVEL MONITORING THING on the right?! Wait.... I touched the pipe wrench. ...... Oh, my god. That was the weapon selection sound from Half-Life. AND IS THAT A WEAPON SELECTION SYSTEM AT THE TOP OF MY GLASSES?! I think I'm about to faint. Okay, what weapons do I have? First off, though, seven weapon selection slots?! How the fuck does it even know if I'm gonna have seven?! That doesn't even make any sense! I mean if you're gonna go through the trouble of giving me a weapon selection system don't spoil how many damn weapons I'm gonna carry I wanna figure it out on my damn own! How the fuck is this damn thing even working in the first place?! My glasses aren't modified, I'm not even wearing an H.E.V suit or Power Vest or Security Armor, so why the fuck is that shield there?! Can anything make sense in this damn world?! Does everyone see this when they put something on!? ALL I DID WAS JUST PRESS A BUTTON AND NOW SHIT'S GOTTEN ME CONFUSED! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, calm down Emily, just calm the fuck down. You feel like you're having an aneurysm, but you're fine, your body's still the same, you've got all your parts, time to haul ass out of here. I left the room and- BANG! "AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! MOTHER FUCKER MY ARM!" I shouted as I hid behind cover and pulled out my MP5 FU-HU-UH-HUCK, MY DAMN ARM! NNNNRRRRG! Shit that hurt! Wait, my life counter was 100 earlier, and now it's eighty-eight?! All I did was just get shot in the arm! Fuck, now I'm practically twelve percent dead! Or eighty-eight percent alive depending on how you look at it- HAND GRENADE! RUNNING, RUNNING, RUNNING, RUNNING, RUNINNNNNG! Boom! "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I shouted as I hid behind cover again, "WHY DID YOU THINK THROWING A GRENADE INSIDE A BUILDING THAT'S ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE IN THIS DAMN BUILDING!?!" I looked over the rubble and- HOLY FUCK I DODGED A BULLET FOR REAL! "STOP SHOOTING AT ME! I'M NOT THE ENEMY!" I shouted, "DO I LOOK LIKE SOMETHING FROM THIS DAMN FOREST?! I'M A HUMAN FOR FUCKS SAKE!" The shooting stopped. Did it work? "If you are a human tell us if this myth is true or not!" I heard a voice say "What is it?!" I asked "Did humans land on the moon!" "Uh, DUH WE DID!" I stated moving out of the way of the rock and began moving towards the Celestial Guard, "We freaking landed on the moon, and sent a space probe all the way towards Mars! Hell, even all the other far away planets like Jupiter, Saturn-" "Okay, you're human." He deadpanned He freaking interrupted me! Bastard. I moved out of the rubble and holstered my MP5 looking very furious at the Celestial Guard. They noticed it in my eyes as well. "Why the fuck did you attack me!" I shouted "Our orders were to destroy what remained of Nightmare Moon and take out anyone and anything that stood in our way." The guard holding an M4A1 said "We didn't exactly count on a human being here." The guard holding the Desert Eagle said "Here, let me patch you up." The guard with a medic armband said as he went over to my wounded arm "Thanks." I said as he tended to my wound I looked at my now-healed wound. My health was back up to 100 and my arm was moving again. "Yo, thanks." I said "How did you even get here anyways?" The Medic asked I opened my mouth to tell them, but then immediately closed it. Should I tell them? Will they arrest me if I do? Will they just kill me?.... That's a theory I don't wanna test. Better just play it safe and make up a story. "Teleportation went wrong." I said "Ah, that would explain it." The guard holding the M4A1 said, "You can never really tell when those damn spells will work." Oookay then, time to leave. I the walked towards the stairs to leave- "Hold it right there!" UGH! Now, what?! I turned to the group. "Where do you think you're going." The guard holding the M4A1 asked "Back to Ponyville, where else?" I stated "No way!" The guard holding the Desert Eagle shouted "It's dangerous out in the Everfree Forest!" The medic stated "Really? I've got a Pipe Wrench, Beretta M9, SPAS-12, and an MP5, I think I'll be okay." I said "You're gonna need a lot more than just that if you plan on living longer than two seconds out there." The guard holding the M4A1 said "Why?" I asked "As far as we know, something bizarre has happened to the creatures of this forest." The guard holding the Desert Eagle answered "How?" "For one thing, they're more hostile than usual." The medic stated "Not to mention there's some kind of one-eyed red creature wandering the forest as well." The guard holding the M4A1 said, "It already killed three of us before any of us even got to this forest. That damn red lightning coming out of its back caught us off guard." Wait. Red, one-eyed, lightning coming out of its back- HOLY SHIT! "THERE'S A FUCKING PANTHEREYE IN THAT FOREST!?" I shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK IS A CUT XEN CREATURE DOING OUT HERE?!" "You know what that thing is?!" The guard holding the M4A1 shouted "Hell yeah, I do!" I said, "It was a cut enemy from the video game Half-Life! What the fuck is it doing all the way over here?!" "We don't know. Nopony has ever seen that creature before." The guard holding the Desert Eagle answered "Please tell me you have better equipment so I can deal with that thing." I said "We do down in the foyer. Follow us." The guard holding the M4A1 said So to short it, we walked all the way down to the 1st-floor foyer where I saw a few other Celestial Guards. I checked all around the place to find some better equip- "Ohh, fuck! That's a fucking rocket launcher!" I shouted looking at the RPG in question, "Why weren't you using this?! You're fighting a Panthereye, you should've used the damned thing! Sigh But the worst part is, I can't even carry it with all the limitations on my backpack's storage. God damn it. I really wanted a rocket launcher! Ah well, not like as if I'd have any use for it after killing the Panthereye. It would be a nice trophy, but what's the point of even having one if you're only gonna use it once. That's what bugged me about Half-Life Blue Shift. You get a rocket launcher but you only ever use it once in the whole damn game where it's actually useful! Time to find some other weapons then." Oh hey, a weapons crate! I opened it up and looked through it. Hmm. Combat knife, that'll be useful for up close range attacks and vines. Oh fuck yeah, Desert Eagle with a laser sight! This'll come in handy! Sweet, M4A1! I definitely know I'll need this baby! Kick ass, hand grenades and satchel charges! Okay, that looks to be all the weaponry in this crate- . . . . is that? Oh, my god, it's an M40A1 Sniper Rifle. Weapon get sound The perfect gift for the girl who wants everything. Ohhh, you and I are gonna go places. My mind is spinning with new possibilities. You are some of the first good news I've had ever since I arrived here. Ammo get sounds Yes, I'll bring your friends. Wait what was I doing again? I kind of lost my mind after seeing the weapon of my dreams. Oh yeah, weapons! I placed the M40A1 Sniper Rifle around my arm with its strap and looked through y backpack's inventory. Damn this thing's quite crowded, how the hell did Adrian ever carry all his stuff?! Or Freeman for that matter. Or Barney as well. Okay I shouldn't be questioning game logic it's gonna hurt my brain trying to figure out how it's possible for a scientist in a backpackless suit or a security guard with no backpack to be carrying a lot of weaponry on them. Let's see if there's anything else around here, shall we? Okay, there was nothing else that peaked my interest outside of more ammo for my Beretta M9, SPAS-12, MP5, Desert Eagle, and M4A1 so I'm just gonna report back to those soldier guys and get the hell out of here. I did so and they didn't exactly look impressed. "Was that seriously all you could find?" The guard holding the M4A1 questioned "All that peeked my interest." I answered, "There was a rocket launcher, but you can see that my backpack is nearly falling off due to all the shit I'm carrying." "How are your arms not even falling off anyways?" The guard holding the Desert Eagle asked "Years of lifting heavy stuff." I said switching out my M40A1 Sniper Rifle for the SPAS-12, "Now lets move!" We then exited the foyer to outside the castle where I saw a bridge covering a deep pit. Jeese, one wrong step and I can just kiss my life goodbye. I then looked to see if there was any other way to go around it, but no luck on that. Well, time to King Kong game this. I ran across the bridge without even looking where I was going. I then looked to see I was on the other side. Sweet! I made it across. Hey, are those guys even coming? "Hey! Are you coming or what?!" I shouted at them They then shrugged and made their way down the bridge towards me. Ummm, I didn't order any ominous music! Then I heard a rustle in the bushes. "WHO'S THERE!" I shouted pointing the SPAS-12 at the bushes Then there was a flapping sound. What the- is there a bird in there? Must be a pretty big one. Possibly a bald eagle or something like that. Does this place even have bald eagles? A question for later. "Sir, I, Hear, something." The guard holding the Desert Eagle "Well no duh!" I said, "There's a bald eagle in the forest!" Then the rustling in the bush got louder and a chicken head popped up from it. "Oh. It was only a chicken." I said, "Hey false alarm guys-" "SQUAD, WE'VE, GOT, A, COCKATRICE!" The guard holding the M4A1 shouted "A cockatrice? Seriously?" I questioned, "You guys have gotta be-" It then began to fly, it's lower half looked like that of a dragon. It then opened its eyes and revealed them to be red. Okay, they weren't lying. "Whoa, I guess-" I turned around and they were stone. My face was one of complete shock. I then turned back around and- "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Episode 2Okay I've had time to think, and it looks like I've got no other option but to put my cloths on, go down to the lobby, and register to be named a new citizen. I just hope they don't try to experiment on me, that would just be my luck them wanting to experiment on me. You know come to think of it since I'm sixteen doesn't that make me an orphan? Hell if I know. I'm in a new world with new rules. This is what always bugged me about fan fictions that had a protagonist going to a new world. How the hell can someone just adjust to a new world so damn quick? Normally adjusting to a new place takes a couple of years, but no fan fic writers make the adjustment happen in a few chapters which is logic breaking at its best. I got out of bed and stripped out of my hospital gown. Time for a change I know I'm used to. Okay it looks like everything is still there. Now that I'm changed into my cloths I should probably head down to the lobby and get out of here. I opened the door and saw down the hall a stepladder with an open tool box and a pipe wrench laid out on the floor. Oh hell yes! Going over to get it I put it in my backpack. Looking up I saw that the electric wires were exposed. You know, I'm no electrician, but I'm pretty sure you don't fix an electrical problem with a pipe wrench. Ah well finders keepers. I soon found an elevator then went down to the lobby are and when it stopped at the lobby I found Redheart waiting. Damn she must be one patient woman, err, mare. "Oh there you are!" She said noticing me, "Just follow me to Town hall." I did so and started walking behind her. You know come to think of it switching from living in a world ruled by democracy to living in a world ruled by a monarchy is gonna be a tough change. I mean if anyone was in my situation they would be saying that they should be taken to the queen, but then again this is a new world with new rules so the princess must be the higher up here. I can't say that's the weirdest thing I've seen or heard today, the definitely goes to DMan. Man how am I even going to explain how I got here if they start asking questions? A man in a suit used some kind of freaky magic or some shit to teleport me here? They'd call me crazy! Hell from the looks of these buildings it's the medieval times right now. Even if I just say one word about magic they're gonna burn me at the steak within a few days. Maybe if I play the mute protagonist card they won't burn me. Ehhh, nah that's too cliche. Wait a second is one of those unicorns levitating something?! Holy hell this place has magic! Maybe I won't get burned at the steak for saying magic brought me here! Then again that could've just been my imagination- op never mind there's two more unicorns doing magic. Soooo, it looks like I will be able to explain my case. And pretty easily too. Wait something just came to my mind. What if they start asking more questions as to HOW I met him? Oh god that would take so long to explain it wouldn't even be funny. I'd just be going on a monologue about how all this started because I missed the damn bus. What the hell? Is that castle made out of crystal? Okay I'm no architect but I'm pretty sure crystal is the last thing you' want a castle to be. God damn it's even giving off a damn glow! Gaahhh, my eyes! This thing is practically asking to be attacked, if they don't throw me into the dungeons I am so letting this princess, king, or queen know just how royally fucked they are. No pun intended. Wait, what was I doing again? Oh right going to the town hall to be registered in as a citizen. You know I'm starting to think that out of all the places the castle is where I would need to be registered at. I mean this place obviously has a monarchy already in place, so why the fuck would you need a town hall? This is why the monarchy system failed in the first place! Monarchy's let the people have too much power and in the end it brought about the destruction of the monarchy! I mean that was how communism was formed people! Does any world not learn from the mistakes of mine?! If the monarchy doesn't end up thrown out soon I'm gonna be surprised. That is unless they've already been run out. If so why have the castle? Is it just to remind people that it was what gave them suffering? Nah there's still a princess ruling so that most likely hasn't happened. Yet. Okay so what do we have here? Large round building, presumably the center of town, this is town hall. You know for some place like a town hall I expected it to kind of bigger. Hopefully they don't have any metal detectors, I'd hate to have to give up my pipe wrench. But seeing as how the technology is varied here I shouldn't really get my hopes up that there isn't metal detectors. Or at the very least some security checkpoints. I wouldn't count that out. I just hope I don't get arrested, I already have two counts of house robbery on my record I don't need to be arrested any more. Okay we're entering now. Holy hell this place looks like an auditorium. Maybe if I put my writing skills to good use I could probably write a play and rent this place out to make a fortune. OW! Hey why did we stop?! I looked over Redheart to see, holy fuck is that what an alicorn looks like? The alicorn in question was light purple, had violet hair with two different colored stripes with one of them being pink, her tail was in the same color pattern, she seemed to be wearing some kind of sleeveless dark purple sweater, blue jeans, and dark purple converse. Damn this girl sure loves purple. She must be the princess. "Uh, Redheart? Where's the creature?" she asked "First off I'm a human and I'm right behind her dumb ass!" I said as Redheart moved out of the way "So, this is what a human looks like? Kind of disappointed." She said "Yeah, well can we just get this registration thing done already." I said "You are quiet the impatient one aren't you?" She said You would have no idea if you saw the day I've had. "Well, just follow me and we can get this done pretty quick." She said And I did so. Following people seems to be all I'm good at doing right now. I am so board right now. Okay, so this is the registration area. It's a room full of tables and chairs. Can't say I'm not surprised. I sat down with Twilight, who I can assume is Twilight, and saw her slide a piece of paper over to me as well as some ink and a quill. So I guess pens haven't been invented yet. Ah well let's see what we got here. Name, age, sex, date of birth, health problems, blah blah blah. Okay lets get this over with. I wrote down all the info and passed the paper back to Twilight. "Lets see what we have here." She said, "Name's Emily Summers, that we already know. You're sixteen?! Where are your parents?!" "As of right now I don't have any." I said Which is true. I mean my parents are still alive probably, but since I have no real way to speak to them, I technically don't have any right now. "Well, unfortunately this labels you as an orphan Ms. Summers." Twilight said Fucking called it. "But." Wait there's more? "Due to Celestia's no foal left behind law, you're eligible to placed in the care of a foster parent." Please let my foster parents be rich. If they're rich I could retire early and possibly try to become the heir to the family fortune. That is unless these ponies age differently than humans, then that's it. I'm fucked and can just kiss that chance to inherit the fortune goodbye. I guess I'd also take working for a farmer, I mean I lived in Tennessee, the state that filled with farmers! Hell there's even a few damn courses on it! At least I would be doing something I was familiar with. That way when I grew up I could make my own little farm and get rich off of that. I wonder if there's any tobacco plants here, I could probably get rich off of that. Sell some backer and snuff to some of the farmers and even to those who just wanna try it. Though I will be following American rules when it comes to selling it. "Well as long as I'm in the hands of foster parents who can help me live my dream of living rich I'm okay with it." I said "Uhhh, ooookay then." Twilight said before clearing her throat, "Girl which I'm guessing is a mare, born November 1st, 1999, allergic to wasp stings, pollen, penicillin, amoxicillin, and sulfur drugs. Other health problems include asthma, a dislocated left arm, AD, ADHD, and OCD." "Thaaaat's me!' I said "Well looks like Rainbow Dash is out of the picture to be your foster parent." Twilight said I was starting to internally laugh. Rainbow Dash?! Seriously?! That sounds like the pet name of a lesbian! Oh ho ho man. I've got the feeling this isn't the last I'll hear of her. Hell I'll probably see her at some point to. "Not to mention she's already got Scootaloo to look after." Twilight added Oh my god these names are gonna kill me. "But there's bound to be somepony who would wanna foster you." Twilight finished "Just as long as it doesn't involve me, explosives, or the president of Azerbaijan." I said "Ummm, okay then?" Twilight said, "But I do have some questions for you though." Oh god I knew it. She's gonna ask me how I got here. This is how it always goes, ya look too suspicious and then they start asking questions. That's how the damn police caught me for house robbery last time. I was at the scene of the crime observing my handy work, but I was acting too calm and collected, the saw me, remembered that I house robbed before and got suspicious of me, then they started asking questions which made me nervous and I cave in under pressure because they knew what made me tick, then they arrested me right on the spot and soon learned I did do it. Man summer vacation was just a bad year for me. That was just not a pleasant experience to go through at all. Good thing the bail wasn't too expensive. Alright might as well just face the damn music and answer her damn questions. "Okay spit 'em out." I said "How did you get here?" She asked Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllld it. I told her that it all started when I was late for school because I missed my damn bus, had to take my shortcut which just made me even more late, followed two guys who was carrying a crate to the football field in hopes of getting a good story for the school paper, but ended up getting teleported to the future presumably, and had to go through a bunch of insane illogical bullshit just to save a close friend who ended up getting killed. Which was then followed up by meeting a weird looking guy carrying a briefcase and calling himself DMan who was going to leave me in a dark void to die but I convinced him to let me live, so he pretty much offered me the chance to life a new life and have my life go they way I wanted it to go. You know this sounded way more better in my head after explaining it to her. At least I wasn't summoned here, I would've been wanting to go back a long time ago. I mean what even are the odds that I would get summoned here anyways? There's over seven billion people on planet earth alone! The chances of me getting teleported are one in seven billion! That's another thing that just bugged me about human in X stories. The odds of the MC getting teleported there are so small it would put an atom to shame. The same could be said about my odds, but this is supposed to be a Freeman/Barney/Shephard's Mind fan fic where I parody and make fun of all the common tropes and plot holes Human in Equestria fan fictions have. Speaking of human in X stories, what makes no sense is when a character dies and gets sent to said universe. How the hell does that work?! Shouldn't he be dead!? And I'm pretty sure reincarnation's not been proven yet as well! It;s like I'm the only one who has any brains in this world! There is no hope for humanity. Okay is there any music playing? No? Okay, alright then. Now I don't need to go berserk unless I find another reason. "Um. You're serious that that's the reason you're here?" Twilight asked "As serious as a heart attack." I said Good god that line is so cheesy but effective. I mean something even more serious than a heart attack would be death, but death has a lingering impact on people. A heart attack could be applied to only one person and heart attack can be recovered from. Unless of coarse you die from a heart attack. I'm probably just overthinking this. I mean people call me the overthinker as a parody name of overseer but I'm not sure if that's supposed to be an insult, compliment, or both. Then again that's what everyone says to me! They tell me I'm overthinking things! Well try telling me that now! Lets see, what have people commonly told me I was overthinking about. Anthropomorphic animals aren't invading from your computer Emily, you're just overthinking the situation! An anthropomorphic orca dragon hybrid isn't having sex with you at night in your Emily, you're just over thinking the situation! Ashley isn't secretly a lesbian Emily, you're just overthinking things! Chris Benoit's ghost isn't haunting you Emily, you're just overthinking things! Well I'm not exactly overthinking things now am I?! I told them all I'm not crazy! And the proof's right here!! Oh wait I just remembered I'm the only human here. Well. I'd say that was awkward. But, you know. "His description sounds like Discord, but he calls himself more important than them." Twilight said, "I know that there's a possibility that other Discords exist due to the multiverse theory being proven." True that. "But how can one be more important than others?" Twilight asked herself Hell if I know. All I know is he's basically GMan, I'm basically Adrian Shephard due to the fact my first weapon was a pipe wrench, and this has been one cluster fuck of a day. "So now what?" I asked, "Where am I gonna stay until I can get a foster parent?" Please don't tell me it's an orphanage- "You're gonna have to stay at an orphanage until then." Twilight said YOU HAD ONE JOB! Well it can't be all bad can it? I mean it's better than staying with someone who you'll probably never see again anyways. Sure you can probably make a bond and maybe he/she might decide to foster you because of the bond you made, but the problem is if someone makes claim to you as your foster parent before the person you bonded with can then it's too late. I just hope I can find a good foster parent. These past few days have been boooring! Day after day if I'm not sleeping eating, or keeping to my studies of this worlds laws I was in a room with a different pony who was willing to foster me. Of coarse I've been turning them down as they were never able to meet my standards. I met Twilight's friends, well from what the history books said at least. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash, which to be honest surprised me since she knew about my asthma problem, all of which I turned down because they were never able to meet my standards. Well I'm waiting in this room again for what feels like the 1,000th time. Is this what it's like for orphans when they're trying to get a family to notice them? Damn now I just feel like an ass for saying it's so damn easy to find the right family. In reality it's a lot harder than I thought. I've got so many damn standards that nobody can actually meet them! Sometimes I wonder though if it's not really other people that has problems as I see people but if it's really me that just has problems and I just can't accept that as a fact and just set up so many standards for my life to make it seem like other people have problems and I'm the only normal person in the world. Well, enough dwindling on matters more suited for a filler episode and back to reality. Alright let's see who's offered to foster me this time. I heard a knocking on the door. "The door's unlocked you can come in." I said The door opened and in came- holy hell she looks rich! I would be doing the yes chant so hard right now if it wasn't for the fact I had to look professional. Okay, so what do we have here. Pale, grayish pink fur, pretty good sized chest, strong opal colored eyes, two shades of moderate magenta and dark heliotrope colored mane and tail, and from the looks of the mane and tail style it looks expensive, some kind of gold necklace that also looks expensive, uh, um, you know I'm not even sure what kind of shirt that's supposed to be, point is it looks expensive though, tight darker strong opal colored pants that also look expensive, black high heels, well she's caught my attention. Lets just see how she goes. "So. You're the human looking to be fostered but has high standards." She said, "I've come to see for myself just how you are." That... that sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before? She kind of reminds me of Duchess Morbucks from Powerpuff Girls Z. I think she was voiced by Chantal Strand if I remember correctly. Okay I'm just giving her some points for reminding me of my childhood. Damn that was a good show dad brought over on DVD from one of his business trips to Japan. "Yeah I have high standards." I said as she took a seat, "One of them is that I always dreamed of living the rich life, but due to so many damn problems being tossed at me all at once, I was never able to fulfill that dream. Nobody was ever even willing to help me either come close to my dream or even bother to help me reach my dream. People just care about themselves." "Allow me to be your foster parent and I can make it come true." She said with an evil like smirk I love what she said, but the evil smirk's sending off some bad vibes. Good god I sound like a hippie. Lets just see how she handles my high standards. "Not so fast, lets see if you can meet my standards first, because I've been told that before and they couldn't meet my standards." I said, "First off, are you okay with me occasionally studying things like physics, money managment, and stuff like that?" "Yes." "That was too easy." I said, "Secondly, I only hang out with people I know I can trust. And sometimes I just like to be alone. Will you not force me to find a friend and let me work on anything in private?" "I can assure you that if anybody bothers you you can come to me and I'll deal with the problem." "Okay not many have gotten this far. You're looking to be a good choice. But don't count your bits till you go out shopping." I said, "Thirdly, should I feel the need to go out of the house, can I rely on someone like a butler or someone like that to carry a few things should I lose space in my hands?" "You indeed can." "Okay you know what, no one has ever been able to pass that standard of mine." I said And it's true. I don't have magic like a unicorn or the strength of an earth pony, well kind of depends on if my life's in danger or not, or even pegasus wings to carry bags should I not have anymore room on my arms. Yeah she's a winner. Winner, winner, chicken- erm, spinach dinner. "I will take that as a good sign." She said "There's just one more standard. I had four because, well, number four is basically, do you think you can handle my aspergers, ADHD, and OCD?" I asked "If I can handle Diamond Tiara's recent rebellion, I can handle aspergers, ADHD, and OCD." she said "Well consider yourself my foster parent then because you just met all my standards." I said Well this went by pretty easily. Not to mention she mentioned someone named Diamond Tiara. I always wanted a sister, well more specifically one I can mold to be essentially a clone of me should I sneak out of the night, but from the sound of things I'm just getting a sister. I hope she's just not as annoying as Abigail was. I mean who the fuck gives little kids coffee in the first damn place anyways! Well, I might as well go upstairs and get my stuff. "Um, I'll be going upstairs to pack my stuff while you sign the registration papers." I said sheepishly Damn I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? Stop being nervous! GARROGH! I left the room and headed upstairs where I saw the other orphans sleeping. I told them to stay away from my coffee stash and now they're sleepy because of the crash. Speaking of coffee, black coffee and regular coffee in general is horrible. Starbucks Frappuccino refrigerated Dollar General chilled coffee drinks white chocolate mocha's all the way bay-bay! Okay I really need to cut down on the wrestling innuendos or I'm gonna get sick of them by the end of the week. Alright tie to pack. Alright lets see here, toothbrush, check, pipe wrench, check, cliche old locket showcasing a tear jerking photo of me and Ashley together before her death that I found in my coat pocket yesterday, check, secret stash of oxycodone in a bag labeled oxycodone inside a alprazolam antidepressants bottle, check. Okay that's everything. zipping my backpack I headed downstairs to be met with my new foster mom. "Everything in your backpack is all you have?" She asked "Yeah. Not much but it gets me by." I said I just hope when I get as high as a kite on the oxycodone she doesn't get caught in the crossfire. Following behind her as she left the building, I suddenly felt like it was gonna be smooth sailing from here. ........... Huh. Something tells me this choice is one that's gonna come back to haunt me for a long time to come one of these days. Probably just gas.
