Not Your Typical Monster

     Anger. That's all I feel now. You'll never guess why. That perky pink prick is forcing me to go to her sleep over. Fan-fucking-tastic. Now I'm siting in a chair defiantly as they try to coax me out of my hoodie. Like hell I'll shift in front of them.

     "Please"

     "No"

     "But it's so...dreadful."

     "No"

     "Why not?"

     "Because it is a magical artifact that makes me a super genius."

     "Really, well in that ca-"

     "I was kidding and it's still a no."

     Fuck. You. Rarity. She has been begging ever since pinkie got back an hour ago.

     "PLEASE!"

     "NO! Stop whining."

     "This isn't whining." What have I done.

     "This is whining. Wow is me that the awful jacket ruins the atmosphere and ruins this attractive stallions style!"

     "Fine!"

     I focused on being naked and willed my biomass to recoil into my body, covering me in a mass of tentacles. Oh wait, shit!

     "Ahhhhhhh!" That scream probably broke a window. I think the only ponies who didn't scream were Twilight and I.

     "What was that?" Twilight asked after everyone stopped screaming and backed to the opposite side of the room.

     "It was my...biomass." I gave a sheepish smile at the end to fake embarrassment.

     "Biomass? What in the hay is that."asked Applesmack

     "It's the Uh...composition of my body." Another sheepish smile.

     "What are you, a spy?" That rainbow haired cunt got right in my face. "We should blast him with the elements and be rid of him."

     "Elements?"

     "Ya don't know what the elements of harmony are?" Asked Applejack.

     "No, should I?"

     "They are the traits of harmony: honesty, loyalty, kindness, generosity, laughter, and magic." Thank you Twilight, always the dictionary.

     "What would that so to me?" I was getting ready to kill.

     "Probably turn you to stone." Fuck you rainbow, I thought you would be cool.

     "Relax Rainbow. It could yes but first you need to explain yourself now." Chill Twilight.

     OK, I didn't show any abilities so a convincing lie, that'll do.

     "My old friend gave me an enchantment that makes it so I can change my outfit at will." I gave false confidence.

     Twilight looked at Applejack who shook her head no. Fuck.

     "Your lying, you have two more chances to tell us or I'll get the princesses."stated Twilight with a glare.

     The princesses, fuck.

     "OK, I'm a Blacklight." I was actually nervous now.

     "What's that exactly?" Fuck you Twilight.

     "It's kinda personal. I mean no harm, just let me settle. I want to be normal, is that too much to ask?" I out alot of honest emotion into that last sentence.

     "OK, but we're gonna keep our eyes on you." She said with a glare.

     "Yeah, I'm like a nice Cthulhu." For once I gave real laughter.