Not Your Typical Monster

     In life there is always that one moment that signals you hit rock bottom. Everypony took my backstory likening was fiction so as punishment for my "sins" I get to wear a mud mask while they talk about stallions. Rock meet bottom.

     "Now Big Mac is nice, he is the silent strong type. Sorry Applejack."said Fluttershy who cowered after saying it.

     "It's alright, ah'm too tired to care." Applejack couldn't suppress a yawn at the end.

     They continued to do this while I tried to figure out how they spread the mud on my face. Was a brush put in their mouths to do this or was this a lot or of magic. I need to learn how to do ma-

     "VIRAL!"yelled a certain marshmallow mare. Oh great they've been yelling for me.

     "What?"I said as I fake rubbed my ear.

     "I asked: do you have a marefriend?"asked Rarity.

     "No, don't pursue this topic with me. Go talk about how nice quarter pounder ,or whatever his name was, is to look at.

     "Quarter Pounded? Is that even a name?"asked Rainbow. Shit I had the wrong name.

     "It's someone named after a McDonald's sandwich. Somepony you were just talking about." I said.

     "Oh, Big Mac. He's not named after a sandwich."said Applejack. She looks...offended.

     "Is he a friend of yours?" I ask Applesmack who looks at me as if I've grown a second head.

     "Brother, so don't trash talk him or a'll git him and we'll beat the stuffing outa ya."said Applejack. I bet she wouldn't.

     "So Viral, what can you do with this Blacklight thing?"asked Twilight who I have the sneaking suspicion is hiding a notebook in every free spot in the library.

     "It makes me a superior kinda. I don't run out of breath and I don't feel fatigue. Plus I have alot stronger muscles and reflexes."I said as I pushed Rainbows hoof away from my face. "What the fuck are you trying to do?"

     "Nothing, just trying to SMEAR IT!"she shit her hoof forward and tried to rub my mud mask all over the place. Not happening. I dodged under and tripped her back legs causing her to flop to the floor.

     "Ok? So you aren't lying but that doesn't explain the tentacles."she asked.

     "It was my muscles coiling."I made sure to lie but not lie.

     "OK"yes she bought it.

     "Where's Spike? I haven't seen him all day."asked Rarity. Who's Spike?

     "He's in Canterlot helping the princess organize the royal archives."said Twilight.

     "Who's Spike?"I asked.

     "He's my assistant."said Twilight.

     "He's also a baby dragon." Said Fluttershy who finally made her presence known. Damn this mare is quiet.

     "Yeah because fuck it. We got ponies let's have dragons right."I said with a kinda beaten tone.

     "What's that supposed to mean?"asked Rainbow with hostility.

     "Chill skittles, I'm just new to this."I said.

     "Huh?"everypony asked.

     "My story wasn't fake, I couldn't make that shit up if I tried." I said with a smirk.

     "So you worked for a bad guy?"Twilight asked.

     "Who hasn't?"

     "Nopony else has! But you got betrayed?"She asked.

     "Yup, now I'm trying to settle down."I said to try and put them at ease.

     "OK, but I want to see what you can do later. I heard you jumped ten meters into the air and ran at an impressive speed and you didn't even sweat." She said, excitement building at the end of the sentence.

     "Who cares, it wasn't that fa-"tried Rainbow but I cut her off.

     "87mph" I gave her a smug grin.

     "Oh."she just stared at me.

     "OK I'm going to bed." I declared as I wiped my mask all over Rainbow back so she couldn't reach it. I'm evil.