Not Your Typical Monster

     They're hunting me, ironic. The Hunter, is the hunted. Me, Hunter Hendrix, the Manhattan mass murderer. Thank god I snagged that new form. I'm gonna make so many Silence of the Lambs jokes.

     I was currently walking around town, admiring the pony hunt. The guards are looking for a pony that looks like my stallion form. Too bad I changed.

     "Hey sexy, the names golden shield. Do you want to see the stamina of a real guard?"excuse me what. This fuck was wants is being quite blunt. I now hate him. "Hello, ma'am, are you there?"

     "Listen here, you shit speckled Muppet fart, I am in no mood to fuck you. I'm trying to enjoy my show."I said, never removing my eyes from the guards scrambling outside my current position. Turns out that sugarcube corner is the popular hangout spot.

     "Excuse me, do you know who I am?!"he said as his face turned bright red with rage.

     "Yeah, Golden Shield."I waved a hoof dismissively.

     I am a high ranking guard and my family owns hayton tea! Plus I'm protecting you from the armed stallion on the loose! Show some respe-"

     "Let me stop you right there because I don't care. You have already failed at catching him, he is probably hidden it in disguise right now. Who knows the answer might be right under your snout."I couldn't resist, he towers over my mare form.

     "You know him?!"he shouted extra loud, catching everyponies attention. What a dick.

     "No shit sherclop."I'm still trying to get the horse puns down.

     "Come with me right now."he said, and off we went. YAY!, I'm gonna get to see the elements again hopefully.

     On the way out the door I asked, "Can somepony sing goodbye horses?" Of course all I got was an odd look from all the patrons.

     "Listen Goldie, who's the captain of the guard in Ponyville?"I asked.

     "That would be me, do you wish to change your answer to my earlier offer?"he said giving me a sly smile.

     "Nah, I'm into mares."I said which is mostly true.

     We stopped in front of the golden Oaks library, although this time it had guards everywhere. Oh joy.

     "OK, time to spill the beans."he said giving me a sly smirk.

     "Dude that was awful. Let me just say, cliche."he lost the sly smirk instantly and focused on a special knock.

     *thump*thump*thump*

     OK, not special, these guards suck.