Seven Ways To Heaven

Waking up in this world was never like waking up at all. Surrounded by Ponies, Griffons, Minotaurs, and other creatures that just seemed too fantastical to be real in the first place. He would always wonder if it was all a dream. Cooked up by his subconscious to tell him something.

But this time. Being on that train had done something. He watched the world rush by as if it were in a hurry to be somewhere, trees, bushes, and other flora beginning to blend together, creating a mess of green, orange, and brown as he nodded off to sleep.

Bored had been speaking to him, but he couldn't stay awake for the life of him. Becoming what her name entailed, bored to the core.

They had chosen a pair of seats with a table in between them next to a window. Sitting across from each other, it was mostly quiet between the two of them until Bored had chosen to break the silence.

It wasn't until halfway through her story, did she notice that the one she was telling it to had fallen asleep.

"And after that we became something like business partners to the Pie family, trading them—" She peered over at the human with a smile. Only for the smile to turn into a glare as he eyebrows furrowed, cheeks swelling slightly, and her lips pursed. "Hey! You know it's rude to fall asleep when somepony else is talking right?" She reached a hoof over and pushed his shoulder. Shaking him lightly before she saw that he wasn't going to wake up. His soft hum-like snores blending with the low rumble of the train.

With his cheek pressed against the table, Bored lifted his head, gently laying it back down after the snoring continued undisturbed.

"Just when you think you'll finally get that visit from Princess Luna." He huffed. Tired of even trying. "It never works unless you're having a nightmare."

Walking down the woodland trail, he stepped quickly, each swing of his legs dragging his feet as they kicked up rocks and dirt alike. "Yeah. I remember," he mumbled.

Craning his neck, he stared at the sky. A light shade blue with patches of white and grey haphazardly floating here and there. It was as if a child had drawn it. He stretched out an arm to touch the sky, only to stop short as his stomach twisted itself. Lowering his hand, he sighed as the vice-like grip around his gut loosened.

Lowering his head, his gaze fell back to the trail. The trees that surrounded him were now dead and frozen, their once emerald green leaves now gone and replaced by snow. The world around him erased and replaced by fields of white and grey. Smudged and clouded as time passed by.

He stopped. Crouching down, he scooped up a handful of snow, the frost bit at his exposed fingers. He hummed. Smiling as he dropped the snow and picked up another hand of it. Continuing to pick up and drop the snow into a pile before he had made himself a mound that reached his ankles.

"That's a nice little attempt at a snowman, good enough for me." Standing back up, he stepped forward to continue his journey down the trail. Only to freeze as a low moan was heard from behind him. Turning his head, his gaze was met by a dark lump in the snow.

"Help," It whined, a limb raised to the air before it fell back into the snow.

He sighed. Walking back, his feet crunched into the snow below him with sluggish swing of his legs. He circled around to the front of the prone human before reaching down with his own bare hand to take the gloved hand of the one that was laying in the snow. Looking at the human, he noticed the items that hung from his jacket, tied off by thin strings.

"Upsy-daisy," he muttered as he pulled the human to his feet. "There we go," he said with a smile, staring at the human's hooded figure. The hooded human smiled back, blood dripping from his chin as teeth white as snow were bared. The hood blocked view of everything above the human's mouth.

"Our thanks. It's not often that we get helping hooves." He said, leaning to his right as one leg was bent at the knee and the other held him up. "You might want to watch yourself if you're traveling back the way we came." He shuffled in place, the snow falling from his front as the items swung and bounced.

"Why's that?" He asked.

The human reached for his hood with a single gloved hand, pulling it back to reveal a large gash that was carved through his eyebrow. The blood flowing down the side of his face and dripping off of his chin. "The wares we sell doesn't sit well with them. Dark magic they call it." He laughed. "Not dark magic, no sir." He shook his head, the tooth filled smile still present on his face as he did so.

"So where are you headed?"

"We'd never sell stuff with dark magic involved."

"Well, good luck to you then." He waved, walking around the salesman. Before he could step any further, a hand reached out from behind and grabbed his arm. His head snapped back. Eyes wide.

"Going back there is dangerous, watch yourself."

He tried to pry the hand off, it's grip like an iron band wrapped around his arm. "Okay, thanks," he said quickly. Sighing as the hand that gripped his arm let go.

The human pushed his hood back up, smiling from underneath it as he turned around. Mumbling to himself as he turned around. "It's going to be a cold night."

Turning around, he continued to journey down the frozen trail. His hands pressed against his chest as his fingers stiffened and splayed out in every direction. His lips puckered, an eyebrow raised while the other furrowed. "We wants it, Smeagol wants his precious," He said, his voice becoming high pitched and raspy as he mocked his former self. "God I was fucking weird back then."

He laughed. "Guess I'm still weird now."

The only noise left as he moved down the trail was the crunching of the snow beneath his feet. He watched as the world disappeared before his very eyes. It was gradual as snow began to pile higher and higher, snuffing out any color that muddied the shining white. Until the very snow that buried the world, buried itself. The crunching of his feet no longer audible as he stepped.

"Well this is fun," he said plainly, his legs landing with heavy stomps as his pace slowed to a snails pace. He peered into the distance as something caught his attention.

Rising from the ground were pillars of stone, wood, and other various materials. Walking towards them, he noticed that the pillars only came up to his waist. Small items adorned the tops of them as if they were on display.

"Confused?"

His head snapped to the right. The sight of the hooded trader brought a thin lipped smile to his face. "I guess."

"Don't worry." The trader laughed. "It all makes sense sooner or later."

"So are you from the future or the past?" He asked, giving a small huff before letting out a yawn.

"Depends... But now that I look at you I'd have to say neither. "

He looked back at the item in front of him. With a simple wooden pillar supporting it, he peered at the small glass vial. A swirling purple smoke writhed within. Just the sight of it sent fire down his throat as bile began to rise up, spilling to the sides of his mouth he was forced to swallow it back down.

"I wouldn't pick that one if I were you." He laughed. "Greed can only get you so far in life."

Holding a hand in front of his face, he coughed, trying to rid his mouth of the taste. "So which one would you pick?"

He pointed down at the small glass vial with a throaty chuckle escaping him. "Which one were you originally?"

"Does it matter?"

He only received a nod and a smile in reply.

Walking over to his left, he searched for a particular pillar. A pillar of twisted iron. As his eyes came across it, he smiled. The marred metal was aglow with a mixture of orange and yellow. The surface of it flaked and cracked as pillar rose and twisted into a sickly, corroded, spear-like tip. A feather balanced on the tip, rocking back and forth as it tried to stay on. It was a dainty egg-white feather, the plume near the bottom whispered to him, the voice tickled his ears—

"Ah," the hooded trader said, drawing his attention back to him. "Well then. It's amazing how you're still as clean as you are." He shrugged. "If it works, it works I guess. All though, I don't understand how you'd work at all."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, or at least you will." He laughed. "Confused?"

"Don't worry. It all makes sense sooner or later," he replied.

The trader rose an arm, offering the very same jacket he wore, trinkets and all. The brown leather shined in the light. "Here. I have a spare, and since you're lacking one, I thought I'd share. You know. Friendship."

"Thanks. I had to trade mine in." He took it into his hand, shoving his arm through one of the sleeves as he shuffled in place and repeated the same movement with the other arm. "It's been a while," he said with a sigh.

Not a moment later, consciousness began to fade away. He began to plummet as the floor disappeared from beneath his feet. The trinkets flapped in the wind. Knocking together, the various items chimed.

His head rocketed from the table. Snapping his head back and forth as he scanned his surroundings. "What the hell is going on?" He asked.

"Have a nice little nap did ya?" Bored asked. A smile on her face as her hoof tapped the table beneath it. "Did ya have nice dream?"

Looking to the peach colored mare, a brow raised while the other lowered. He shrugged a moment later. "Eh, it was good I guess. Don't rightly remember it but yeah."

"You don't remember your dream?"

"Humans rarely do. I mean, you can make yourself remember it, but who wants to waste space up in the old think tank for a dream?"

"What if you dreamed of something important?"

"Than I'll remember." He shrugged. "Dreams are usually never important. Always inane bullshit that nobody cares about."

"Don't let Princess Luna hear you say that."

"Princess Luna can suck my–"

Bored coughed into her hoof. A grimace written across her muzzle as she did so.

"–Flavored candies." His bottom lip puffed out as his brows furrowed. "She never visits me."

"She usually only visits foals, so it makes sense she doesn't visit you."

"What?" He asked, his brows furrowed. "Is she some kind of pedophile?"

"A what?" An eyebrow raised on Bored's face as she looked at him.

"Nothing." He turned his head away. Choosing to look out the window. "Just... thinking to myself. I guess everything adds up. I'm not a child, and I don't have nightmares."

"Everypony has nightmares sometimes."

He let out a laugh. "Yeah, everypony except me." He patted his chest with his palm. "Cause I ain't a pony."

"Okay." Bored rolled her eyes. "So, what do you plan to do when we get to Canterlot?"

Closing his eyes, he let his mind wander. He had been there before, it may have been for only a brief visit, but he did end up enjoying it somewhat.

"I'd probably go and crash a party."

There was pause between them. The train car jumped once Bored spoke up. "T-That's it?"

"Yup. Once I've done that, I'll just go back to selling." He hummed. "On second thought, I'd like to meet Celestia, just once, then I'll call it good."

"How do you intend on meeting her? She is a busy mare after all, and doesn't really take social calls unless it's those Elements of Harmony."

"By crashing a party of course." He gave Bored a toothy grin. "I'm going to crash the Gala."

Bored scoffed. "You're insane."

"You're not stopping me."

Bored rolled her eyes once more. "News flash, the Gala never turns out how ponies expect it. Last time, it was the Elements themselves that crashed it. Celestia didn't mind one bit."

His gaze fell to the table. "Wow, okay then, I guess I'll to put effort into crashing it."

"How do you even plan on getting in?"

"Tickets of course, now that we're part of the one percent, we'll be invited."

"That's some wishful thinking you've got there."

Before he could reply, the door to the front of the train slid open, the roar of the train became clear for a moment before getting muffled once more. A dark green mare wearing a tan vest stepped through. A horn poked through her equally as green mane. "We're arriving in Canterlot in five minutes." She shouted as she moved past them and towards the next car. "Make sure your luggage is ready." The moment she finished speaking, hear ears perked up before she turned around. Walking towards them, she spoke up. "Almost forgot." her horn ignited as she pulled a slip of paper from a pocket. Floating it over to them and leaving it on the table.

"What's this?" He asked as he nodded his head towards the slip of paper.

"Some pony a few stops back wanted me to give this to something like you. Said a weird monkey was going to get on the train."

"Do I look like a monkey to you?" He asked, his brows furrowed.

"Yes." Was all the mare said before turning around and proceeding to trot to the next train car.

He huffed, turning his head to see Bored holding back laughter behind her hooves. "That isn't funny."

"No you're right," she said in between giggles. "I'm sorry, do you—" she coughed. "Do you want an apology banana?"

"I'll only accept an apology banana if I get to call you a horse."

The laughter stopped as soon as it started, Bored's brows furrowed as she glared at him.

"Yeah, not cool being seen as an animal is it?" His gaze rose to the ceiling and a sigh escaped him as he closed his eyes.

Bored's glare turned to a look of worry. "Hey," she move a hoof to his hand. "I'm sorry I laughed."

"Just tired, nothing else." He mumbled as he raised a hand to rub at his eyes.

Her hoof flew back to her side, a blush on her face as she lowered her gaze to hide her face. "D-Didn't you just wake up?" She asked as she stared at her hooves.

"Maybe," he shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe not."

As the brakes of the train squealed and screamed, Bored looked to the window, she leaned forward and looked to the front of the train, her eyes widened at the sight. A large pink dome surrounded all of Canterlot, encapsulating the entire city like a rose snowglobe. "What the fuck?" She muttered, her mouth agape.

Letting his head fall back down, he looked to Bored. "What?" He followed her gaze, meeting the giant rose dome that swirled with magic. Looking above the dome, he spotted black specks flying about, smashing into the dome. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"