Many a nights, I stay up reliving the day. My life is like a tunnel. I have much in my life, but it's so focused and condensed that I cannot enjoy it. The tunnel represents my rigid lifestyle, raised into and held against leaving despite my attempts to break free. I have tried endlessly to change my life. Sometimes, it works. These are represented by the one path out, onto a clear strip. I get a bit of time to relax, and live life, before it all comes crashing back down. I look to a life at the end of a tunnel, with a family. It will never happen. Every time I get close enough, it's dashed away. I wrote this for the purpose of expressing my concern, and hoping that others that share my fate may find peace in my words.
Some people may come and go, ignoring the title, photo, or first bit of text. They don't get drawn in as certain ones do. I bid them, good luck. To those that do read this, please take the time to comment. Share your thoughts, and maybe together, we can find a way out of this tunneled life. I have tried and to no avail.
When You Gaze Ahead, and Never Look Back
I close the door to my work and trot across the parking lot, the full moon shinning down on me. I check my chrono, five minutes to midnight. I arrive at my bike, an elegant black body with violet highlights. Putting on my helmet I climb on and start it up. Revving once I am gone, speeding onto the highway. I travel for a little while, at a cruse. Lazily passing the other vehicles on the road. It's at about five minutes later things change. The tunnel, every night, I hit it at twelve o' clock midnight. It's a one way, one lane road the goes through a mountain. My home lies on the other side. I pass through the threshold and notch up the speed. The tunnel closes around me, leaving me in darkness.
I travel for a short distance in the darkness before my lights kick in. Just in time for me to weave around a slow small red car. A narrow dodge, an every day occurrence for me. I keep turning the speed up, speeding past more and more. The objects seem to fill the tunnel, like one of those old arcade games. With each pass I go faster. The tunnel is restricting, hard for me to change patterns and take a new path. My actions bolder and faster, I bob and weave through the tunnel. Hoping to get home early. I wanted out. I couldn't move. Couldn't breath. Couldn't think. Faster, I think to myself. I have to go faster.
All faster can ever hold for me is more danger. The sharp turns and winding pathways soon start. Before long, I am stuck navigating a maze at high speed, still dodging obstacles. Some time in, a split off to the side, leading up. I take it, and enter the cool night time air. A stretch of clear road. Respite and rest for the tired. I cruse this strip for a few, before I am inevitably drawn back in again. The tunnel once more closes around me and the same sense of terror grips me as it has so many times before. Faster, faster. I have to get out.
Now driving at break neck speeds, I hit a dead end. I will have to grind the wall to make it around, and there is no stopping. With only miliseconds to choose, I choose survival. The bike hits the wall and car. The grinding is insufferable. My pants legs tear apart and my helmet jostles on my head, but I make it through. One close call, of many in this tunnel. Many I have survived, but only by barely. As soon as it had begun, it is over.
I burst through the exit and high speed it home. I make it home just in time. The woman I love, leaving for her duties, before I can even attempt to closer. Always just out of reach, unable to obtain what I need to live. I begrudgingly drive in and sleep. I head inside and make myself food, and then sleep. Morning comes, and I return to my bike, and ride the tunnel to work. Like I do every day of my life.