RGRE Slut Pirate Anon

You knew something like this was gonna happen, you knew it! That crazy, brave, sexy, slutty, stallion was heading right for these also crazy rapey Pirate mares! But it would be OK, you’d defend his honor and talk some sense back into him. The sea was no place for a respectable stallion. You’d rescue him and he’s be so grateful he’d pat your head and tell you you were a good pony like the slut that he is, or your name wasn’t Twiggles Sperglot. … Errrr, Twilight. Twilight Sparkle. Anon and his stupid nicknames.
“Steady as she goes ladies! Shelly, don’t fire till you see the nips on their teats!”
You are Sea Shell, fluffiest berdhorse in Anon’s herd. And you are totally gonna do this. A system of strings and pulleys led to all the cannons, and you had the main one firmly in your mouth ready to go. You read the instructions and everything. Well, you looked at the pictures at least. Seemed easy enough. Load up the cannons with the bags, pull the string. It wouldn’t be like Yakyakistan…
“FIRE!”
You pull the string and the cannons roar as the fire crystals ignite the air, causing a rapid pressure spike that launches the projectile out the end of the barrel, just like in the war…
*poof* *fluff* *fwoosh*
Pillows land all around you. Pillows? Wait, what were we doing again? Screams break out from the other ship as heavy thuds crash against their deck and walls. White powder clouds quickly obscure the air. You see a shaky pony looking down confused at the deck, pick up her crushed Pirate hat, and stumble back into the cloud. There’s a loud ringing noise in your ears. Oh god, not again.
You are Anon. Holy fuck, Sea Shell loaded up the cannons with bags of flour.
Now you’re Bonnie. Holy fucking pony Jesus, why is Sea Shell such an unstoppable accidental war crime machine?! She had been quietly removed from active duty after Yakyakistan. While the brass didn’t like her methods, they loved the results, and poor Bombshell was used over and over again as their favorite tool. You watch in horror as Anon turns to Shelly.
“That was fucking awesome! I didn’t even know they could do that!”
“Oh-god-don’t-hate-me-forever-Anooooon!” cries the Pegasus pone.
“What? Why? That was hilarious. Good job Shelly!”
Be Twiggles. Things have gone so very wrong. All around you the previously marely pirates are now sitting on their haunches sneezing. You can hear Anon’s maniacal laughter along with a strange groaning noise.
“Anon! This has gone way too far! Give yourself up and we can probably get you off with a tickling, a boop at the most!”
Just past the cloud, the strange groan turns into a deep creaking, almost like a great beast laughing. You hear Anon’s sexy voice from within the mysterious cloud of mystery.
“No Twiggles, it’s not I who will be surrendering! Girls! Prepare to board them!”
Four grappling hooks shoot out from the other ship. Three find purchase on various rails and deck gratings, but one finds the sword belt of a hapless mare. She gives a startled whinny as she is suddenly pulled upwards by the unseen force of nature. It takes all her earth pony strength to hold onto the mast and not be dragged overboard.
“ARRRRR! PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR BOOTIES PLUNDERED!”
Anon, Lyra, Bon Bon, and a pale yellow Pegasus you’ve never seen before swing over from the other ship. The mare holding the mast suddenly loses her grip, causing her to fly up and meet the yellow pony in the air mid swing. They crash to the deck in a jumbled heap of wings, hooves, and shame. She quickly recovers, helping the pirate mare back up and saying sorry. The Mare says thanks, then they spring apart like territorial cats.
The battle is short but furious, but Lyra and Anon were able to handle the majority of the pirates with their far superior fine motor control via magic and opposable thumbs. Anon also had his 50% reach, height, and weight advantage over the adorable tiny horses. Finally, all that was left was the Captain.
“Surrender Blue Bean! …”
Anon had to stifle a giggle. You could see it welling up inside as his cheeks puffed up, his eyes slightly closed, and he got the most ridiculous grin on his face.
“Nay captain! I will not surrender until you’ve defeated me in combat! If I win I get to have my way with yo-”
“Woops, dropped my sword.”
He turns away and bends over to pick it up, but stumbles, knocking it further away. His tight pants hide nothing from the mares around him.
“What-”
“Clumsy me, accidentally kicked it into that open cabin door.”
“But that’s my cabin-”

“Oh good, you can help me look for it then.”

One minute later, a chipper Anon walks out.
“Ok, we’re done here. Grab anything alcoholic and let’s roll!”
You run up to Anon, you purple unicorn face scrunched up into a caricature of disapproval.
“ANON. WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?”
He leaned in close by your ear. His soft voice purred out words you didn’t want to hear, yet you couldn’t stop.
“I rolled her over onto her back…”
He blew a warm breath into your ear, causing it to flick.
“I unbuttoned my shirt…”
He nibbled right at the tip of your ear, causing it to flick and twitch uncontrollably.
“And I cuddled her up against my smooth chest.”
“A-Anon! Y-you hussy! How dare you do that with another mare! Uh, I mean a mare you aren’t herded with!”
You're Anon again. Holy fuck these tiny horses are too much fun. Purple smart was somehow blushing over her darker colored fur. You hopped right over the rail back onto the Sirius, a large barrel of what you hope is the pony equivalent of rum on your shoulder.