"I got an invitation? (O_O) ...You're joking!"

Mr. Original’s Dictionary
Original Edition

Hand Crack
/hand krak/
vb.

-when one balls up their fist(s) so hard that they crack multiple times

[Theme Song]

"The Grand Galloping Gala!" Twilight and Applejack hopped up and down in excitement.

Arthur leaned towards James. "Did they just repeat the--"

"Yes. Yes the did," James answered before he could finish.

Atario looked at Spike, who had a deadpan look on his face. "What's the matter with him?" Atario asked in confusion as he pointed at him.

James looked at Spike. "...Maybe they're annoying him?" he guessed. "I mean, I never thought him to be one to get annoyed at this sort of thing. Even I'm not annoyed by it, so I'm sure it's something else." They watched as he did a gagging gesture before he belched out a green flame once again. The smoke materialized into two golden tickets.

"Look, two tickets!" Spike held said tickets in the air.

"Wow, great!" Twilight replied. At that point, Arthur broke into song.

[♪'Cause she's got two golden ti-ckets

♪...♪

She's got a golden chance, to make her way...

And with some golden ti-ckets it's a gol-den, daaaaay♪](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW_xGlL1XOc&feature=youtu.be&t=99)

This time, all the guys (except Spike) collapsed on the ground laughing, even James and Arthur.

"I've never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike?"

"No. And I plan to keep it that way. I don't want any of that girly, frilly, frou-frou nonsense," Spike waved dismissively.

"Aw, come on, Spike. A dance would be nice."

"'Nice?' It's a heap good more than just nice! I'd love to go," Applejack put her hoof to her chin in thought. "Land sakes... if Ah had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chowin' our tasty vittles 'til the cows came home. Do you have any idea how much business Ah could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres? Why, with all that money, we could do a heap of fixin' up 'round here. We could replace that saggy old roof. And Big Macintosh could replace that saggy old plow. And Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip!" she looked thoughtfully at the sky. "Why, Ah'd give my left hind leg to go to that gala."

James's eyes widened. "Well, damn, the roof doesn't look that bad," he looked at the top of the barn.

"Well then, would you like to--"

"WHOA!"

CRASH!

Twilight didn't get to finish as suddenly something fell from above and landed on top of them. Or more accurately somepony.

"Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?" Rainbow Dash asked excitedly from on top of Applejack and Twilight.

"Rainbow Dash," Applejack narrowed her eyes at her. "You told me you were too busy to harvest Apples. What were you busy doin'? Spyin'?"

"No. I was busy... napping," Rainbow replied nonchalantly. "And I happened to hear you have an extra ticket?" She smiled expectantly at Twilight while she hovered upside down in her face.

"Yeah, but--"

"YES! This is so awesome!" Rainbow did a flip in the air. "The Wonderbolts perform at the Grand Galloping Gala every year. I can see it now," she said as she looked distantly at the sky. "Everyone would be watching the sky, their eyes riveted on the Wonderbolts. But then, in would fly... Rainbow Dash! I would draw their attention with my Super Speed Strut. Then, I would mesmerize 'em with my Fantastic Filly Flash. And for my grand finale, the Buccaneer Blaze! The ponies would go wild! The Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves be incorporated into their routine, and then welcome me as their newest member.

"Don't you see, Twilight? This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff," she struck a pose in mid-air. "You gotta take me!"

Before Twilight could respond, she was pulled back by the tail. The culprit? None other than Applejack.

"Hold on just one pony pickin' minute here," she spat out Rainbow's tail. "Ah asked for that ticket first," she sized her up.

KLPOW!

There was James right behind them. "Plus...," he held up his index. "Twilight was in the middle of offering Applejack the ticket, before she was ever-so rudely interrupted," he furrowed his eyebrows.

"So? That doesn't mean you own it," Rainbow got in Applejack's face.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I challenge you to a hoof-wrestle. Winner, gets the ticket." They ran over to a conveniently located tree stump and held hooves before they started. They barely wrestled for three seconds before Twilight separated them.

"Girls, these are my tickets. I'll decide who gets it, thank you very much. Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don't you think?"

Applejack stepped forward. "Drummin' up business for the farm?"

"A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?" Rainbow stepped in front of her.

"Money t' fix Granny's hip."

"Living, the dream!"

Arthur held up his index. "I'd say Applejack's reasons sound more important." Red X, Atario, Stario, and Conscience muttered in agreement.

"...And I'm okay with this!" James Epic Shrugged.

"I vote Rainbow Dash," Blue Star spoke up. He wilted, however, when the guys all glared at him.

"Oh my, those were all pretty good reasons, aren't they?" Twilight smiled nervously, in which Conscience wildly gestured at Applejack in outrage. Just then, Twilight's stomach growled, causing her to laugh nervously.

"Listen to that. I am starving. I don't know about you, but I can't make important decisions on an empty stomach. So, I'll, uh, think about it over lunch and get back to you two, okay?" she said as she walked away, Spike on her back. Arthur, Stario, and Atario followed them. Conscience merged with James before he Flashed to catch up.

"Okay," Applejack and Rainbow frowned and looked at the ground. Almost instantly they glared at each other before resuming their hoof-wrestle.

"Applejack! Applejack! Applejack!" Red X chanted.

"Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!" Blue Star cheered.

"So who are you gonna give the ticket to, Twilight?" Spike asked as the six of them walked down the town road.

"I don't know Spike, but I really can't think straight when I'm hungry," she frowned. "So where should we eat?"

No sooner did she ask that did a pink blur abruptly shoot out of a nearby door and tackle her and Spike to the ground. Atario, Arthur, and Stario looked perplexed and on edge at the sudden incident. James, however, was nothing but exasperated.

"Goodness damn it, Pinkie Pie!" he Facewhipped.

As the ticket floated down on top of the pink, now-still pony's muzzle, she opened her eyes to see what it was. Upon seeing it, she shrieked. "Aaah! Bats on my face! Help! Wait," she abruptly paused and looked closer. "These aren't... tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!? It's the most amazing incredible tremendous super-fun wonderful terrifically humongous party in all of Equestria! I've always always always wanted to go!"

"...What!?" Stario exclaimed, completely lost.

"Don't look at me," Arthur raised an eyebrow.

Pinkie then broke into a song.

"Oh the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me..."

"...Aw, hell no," James pulled out a pistol and shot himself in the head.

[One random song later...]

"Oh thank you, Twilight. It's the most wonderful-est gift ever," she bounced around before smiling wide, right in Twilight's face.

*BOOM!*

James, whose Song Senses alerted him awake a few seconds ago, had Explosively appeared in front of Pinkie.

Arthur's other eyebrow rose as James suddenly yelled, "DAMN IT, SHE DIDN'T EVEN GI--!"

He was cut off by a prolonged gasp. He turned around furiously. "Are these what I think they are?" the source of the voice came from Rarity (who appeared out of nowhere).

Twilight stammered, "Uh--"

"Yes, yes, yes!" Pinkie bounced, cutting her off. "Twilight's taking me to the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot!"

"The gala? I design ensembles for the gala every year, but I've never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamour!" Rarity gushed.

Arthur leaned towards James. "Do you know who this is?"

"Her name's Rarity," James sighed.

"Is she always like this?" Atario asked.

"Yep," James deadpanned in reply without missing a beat.

"It's where I truly belong, and where I'm destined to meet, him!" Rarity's eye twinkled.

"Him!" Pinkie parroted, before she realized she didn't know who she was talking about. "...Who?"

"Him," Rarity repeated. "I would stroll through the gala, and everyone would wonder... 'Who is that mysterious mare?' They would never guess, that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville..."

"I can't take much more of this," James muttered, pulling out a silencer and shooting himself in the head.

[One dramatic fantasy later...]

"Twilight, I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie Pie so she can... party, and prevent me from meeting my true love. How could you? Hmph."

James abruptly shot up and shouted. "SHE DIDN'T F***ING INVITE ANYONE YET, DAMN IT!!!" Everyone stared at him in shock as his breaths became long and rugged.

Hesitantly, Arthur spoke up. "James... I think you have an anger problem..."

"Tell me something I don't know," James Hand Cracked his right fist. Suddenly, a bunny scurried towards Spike, who was looking the other way.

"Hey!" Spike exclaimed as the bunny ran away with the tickets. Upon seeing him, James quickly pulled out a silencer and shot him directly in his side, causing him to tumble lifelessly, losing its grip on the tickets.

"F***ing ass****...," James seethed. Said tickets were carried by a very light- but strong enough- breeze, which placed them in the sight of Fluttershy. Upon seeing the floating pieces of paper, she quickly caught them with her hoof.

"Ooh, these are perfect," she smiled as she looked at the tickets.

Meanwhile, Stario gave the bunny a 1-UP Mushroom while James wasn't looking (or Fluttershy). Said bunny looked around in confusion, before his gaze fell on Fluttershy. He ran up to her as she walked towards Twilight and the others.

"Um... excuse me, Twilight. I would just like to ask, I mean, if it would be alright, if you haven't given it to someone else," Fluttershy said timidly.

"You? You want to go to the Gala?" Rarity asked skeptically.

"I mean, f***, is it wrong for her to want to go? Sh**, even she wants to go!" James gestured at Pinkie.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Pinkie narrowed her eyes.

"Don't worry about it," James replied darkly.

Fluttershy hesitated. "Oh... no." The bunny, now holding the tickets, lightly tapped Fluttershy a couple times on her foreleg. "I-I mean, yes. Or actually, kind of.

"You see.... It's not so much the Grand Galloping Gala, as it is the wondrous private gated garden that surrounds the dance. The flowers are said to be the most beautiful and fragrant in all of Equestria! For the night of the gala, and that night alone, would they all be in bloom... and that's just the flora! Don't get me started on the fauna! There's loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz. White-blue jays, and red jays, and green jays, pink jays and pink flamingos!"

"...Please kill me," James pulled his hat over his face.

"...Is she high?" Stario asked Atario, who just shrugged.

"Gee, Fluttershy, it sounds... beautiful...?" Twilight was rather taken aback at Fluttershy's openness.

"Wait just a minute!" a voice called out. Everyone looked up to see Rainbow Dash standing at the edge of a roof.

"Rainbow Dash! Were you following me?" Twilight accused.

"No. I mean yes. I mean, maybe," Rainbow stuttered. "Look, it doesn't matter. I couldn't risk a goody-four-shoes like you giving that ticket away to just anybody."

"It's not your F***ING DECISION!" James Exploded.

"Wait just another minute," Applejack walked up to the group.

"Applejack," Twilight narrowed her eyes. "Were you following me too?"

"No. Ah was followin', this one to make sure she didn't try any funny business," Applejack pointed at Rainbow. "Still trying to take mah ticket."

"Your ticket?" Rainbow exclaimed.

"But Twilight's taking me!" Pinkie argued.

Twilight put her head in her hooves, lying on the ground as her other five pony friends all drove a heated argument. James might as well have been an atomic bomb, he was so pissed off. This didn't go unnoticed by Arthur, Stario, and Atario, whose eyes were widened in alarm at how angry he was getting. They tensed up as he began to repeatedly Facewhip.

Author's Note

Me: So, there's my family for you!
Conscience: And his anger problem...
Me: Shut up! >=(