Joint Custody

“Look at this, Applejack!” the Mayor said, holding up her newspaper to Applejack’s face. “The new polls show that Trump is ahead by eight points! Do you have any idea how hard it is to recover from an eight point loss just six days prior to an election?!”

“Will you cut that out?” Applejack snapped, slapping the paper away from her face. “I don't think the breakfast table is the best place to talk about politics first thing in the mornin’, especially with how bad I slept last night.”

The two women sat down at the breakfast table along with Applejack’s family, doing their best to eat their pancakes, even though it was practically impossible to do without feeding each other. The night prior had been miserable as well, at least for Applejack. The Mayor, however, cuddled up with the farm girl like a teddy bear, giving her one of the best nights sleep she’d ever had and causing Applejack the worst sleep she could remember.

“Look,” Applejack continued, “I don't think breakfast is gonna work unless we help each other out a little, and that can't happen unless you put down that newspaper for five minutes!”

The Mayor sighed, laying down the newspaper on the table and picking up a fork to help Applejack cut their pancakes. Applejack made everything sound so simple, like as long as they ate their pancakes, everything would turn out alright, but from what the Mayor had been reading, nothing was turning out alright at all.

“Now, I think it'd be best to make an action plan,” Applejack said, feeding some pancake into Mayor Mare’s mouth. “First off, I think we should go check on Twilight and see if she’s found out anything new. If she hasn't, we’ll probably need to go see Rarity and get us an outfit for your speech. Then--Mayor, are you OK?”

At the thought of having to walk onstage in a suit made for one and a half women, the Mayor began choking on her breakfast, coughing out as much as she could while her eyes burned with tears. “Yes,” she said between coughs. “What else do we have on our schedule for today?”

“Well, besides just doin’ the regular campaignin’, I can't really think of anything else.”

“Very well. Shall we get going, then?”

“Uhh, ain't you forgettin’ about somethin’?”

The Mayor turned her head to see what Applejack was talking about, but just saw a woman with her mouth wide open like a baby waiting for that spoon to be put in her mouth. As much as the Mayor wanted to bury her face into her hand, though, she only had one, and it was busy trying to angle its way into Applejack’s mouth.

“I’m sorry, girls, but I just haven’t been able to find anything that will help undo the spell any quicker. I did come across one such separation spell, but I’m not sure that’s something you’d be all too interested in.”

“And why’s that?” Applejack asked.

“Because it would essentially just tear you in half.” The women then grabbed each other around the waist and shivered at the thought of becoming the main characters of some horror novel. “Yeah, I thought you might react like that. Have you thought of what you're going to do about your campaign yet?”

“Why would we change anything?” Applejack remarked. “Our whole platform is that we’re just gonna be ourselves. Can't really do much more than that, can we?”

“I guess not. Mayor Mare, how are you taking this?”

“Being a politician is all about overcoming adversity. It’s not like I’d be proving anyone wrong if I just dropped out of the race.”

“Is that why you’re running, just to prove Trump wrong?”

The Mayor took a half-step back, trying to push back any offense she had inadvertently taken. “I beg your pardon?”

“I’m sorry. I hope that didn't come off as rude at all. I just can't wrap my head around why you’re even doing this if you hate it so much.”

“Well… It’s just the election! After that--”

“Nothing will be better. I think we both know that once we’ve taken on that kind of responsibility, it just gets harder. The campaign is just the job interview, and once you actually get the job, then the real pressure is on. You know that more than anybody. I just hope that you’re doing this for all the right reasons.”

“What're you tryin'a say, Twilight?” Applejack butted in. “You think the Mayor here just wants into office for petty reasons like showin’ up Trump?”

“I have no idea, Applejack. That’s something she has to figure out on her own.”

A long silence filled the room as Applejack stared Twilight down in frustration. “Come on, Mayor! We’ve got places we need to be.”

Stomping her foot back with enough force to physically twist the Mayor around, Applejack turned around and began walking towards the castle doors. As furious as Applejack was, however, the Mayor could only reflect on Twilight’s words, hoping that she was making the right decision.

The one and a half women stood in place, trying to remain as still as they could while Rarity wrapped her measuring tape around them, nearly snapping it in half as she tried to get their chest size. It was obvious that the purple-haired woman was having frustrations, and seeing as how this was probably the only person in town that would be able to make them an outfit in time, they wanted to do as little as they could to disrupt her work.

“Honestly,” Rarity began, “I must say that although I’m envious of your bust, I can't imagine the pain your back must be going through.”

“It ain't nothin’. To be truthful with ya, the fanny kinda helps balance it out a little.”

Rarity’s face began to grow red in embarrassment, but quickly going back to measuring their proportions, she hid her face in the motion of her work. “Yes, I can imagine that would… erm… provide adequate support. Now, Miss Mayor, what kind of look were you going for again?”

“Anything professional, really. Nothing too flashy or standoffish.”

“Really? I would think that in the biggest moment of your life, you’d want something that really grabbed the attention of the people. Something that shouts, 'Anyone who wears an outfit like this has the confidence to take on any opposition!’”

“BUT I DON'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE!”

Rarity flinched at the Mayor’s sudden outburst before Applejack placed a calming hand onto her shoulder. “What I think she’s gettin’ at,” Applejack intervened, “is that she’s really lookin’ for somethin’ that shows who she really is: just a regular woman who knows where she’s goin’.”

“I… see… Well, if you’re going for classic professionality, I would recommend going with a bold oak-colored French cuff blazer with deep black slacks that match a pair of stiletto heels.”

“No…” the Mayor responded, looking down at the floor. “Simpler… Like gray.”

Rarity chuckled to bring up the mood, but soon found herself as the only one laughing. “Dear, you can't be serious. In an event like this, and against Trump no less--”

“I think gray sounds fine,” Applejack intervened before Rarity accidentally crushed the Mayor any further. “How 'bout this? Just a regular gray business skirt with a white blouse fit for two heads. Does that sound like somethin’ you’d be able to work with?”

The Mayor nodded her head, still feeling too depressed to think about it any further. Rarity looked back and forth between the two heads, but swallowing her pride as a fashionista, she nodded her head and smiled.

“Don't worry, Miss Mayor. I can give you my Boutique Guarantee that when you stand in front of that crowd, you will feel the prettiest you’ve ever been, gray and all.”

“That sounds great, Rarity,” Applejack said, taking the hint from the Mayor that she really didn't feel like talking anymore. “You have everything you need?”

“Everything and more! Now, I’d better get started right away. Not a moment to lose!”

“Yeah, we’d best get goin’ ourselves. We’ve got some posters to put up, and if we don't get these up soon, there won't be enough time for people to look at 'em. Isn't that right, sugarcube?”

Applejack turned her head to the Mayor, giving her a reassuring grin, but the Mayor, however, still would not smile, would not make eye contact, and would not speak. Taking the hint, Rarity silently waved off her customers and went straight to her designing table to sketch out exactly what they’d asked for, leaving the other two women to quietly walk out the door.

“Whoooowee!” Applejack shouted, slamming open the door to her farm. That day had been excruciating, and even though they had managed to speak to more people than ever before, the whole ordeal of getting them to actually listen to their platform was a grueling experience. “I haven't been this hungry since I accidentally sold my breakfast to someone instead of apple pie. Boy, you shoulda seen the look on their face!”

“Right… Pie…” As the two walked upstairs to AJ’s room, the Mayor kept her eyes glued to their feet, mumbling in the same apathetic tone that she had been using all day.

“Come on, now! What’s gotten into you? You’ve been like this all day. Don't tell me it’s about that thing Twilight was sayin’!”

“I… I guess so…”

“Horse apples! Ya can't let what she said get to you! I’ll tell ya what. Tomorrow we’ll go right back to her castle and give her a piece of our minds. That’ll--”

“She was right…”

The two women had finally made their way into Applejack’s room and found a place to sit down on her bed, and at that moment, all the emotions she had been holding in all day began to drip down her face. Applejack, upon seeing her agonized face, then turned her body as much as she could to wrap her arm around the Mayor in a big hug, squeezing her in a way that she hoped would drain all the tears out of her.

“What’re you goin’ on about now? You sayin’ that there’s someone who can do your job better than you?”

“Applejack, this is politics. There is no way to do a better job than somebody else. Whatever decision you make, it will make some people happy and some people unhappy. What Trump sees is his own version of a perfect society, and even though his decisions will make a lot of people unhappy, who am I to say that my decisions wouldn't do the same?”

“You’re different than him, though!”

“Exactly! He actually believes in what he’s saying! I’m just doing anything I can to keep my job! I really am a crook!”

The Mayor then pressed her hand into her face to shield just how much she was crying, but with her shoulder shaking the both of them every time she sobbed, it became even more painstakingly clear just how much pressure she was under. Then, squeezing harder, a small tear began to drop down Applejack’s face as well, freezing the Mayor entirely.

“Applejack… What’s wrong?”

“Don't you get it? Don't you get why I’ve been tryin’ so hard to make sure you get reelected? It’s because I know you better than anyone, and I wouldn't trust anyone else with the city but you. Then, for you to tell yourself that you’re not fit to lead, it… it breaks my heart, sugarcube! I don't know where this city would be without you… Heck, I don't know what I’d do without you…”

“What are you saying, Applejack?”

“I… I dunno.” Applejack chuckled to push back a sob. “I guess sometimes the words come out without me really knowin’ what to do with 'em.”

Suddenly, Applejack’s eyes opened wide as Mayor Mare slid their cheeks together to place a small kiss on the side of her face. As soon as she realized what she just did, though, she quickly brought her hand to her mouth and looked away in embarrassment.

“I… I’m really happy that I’ve had you as my campaign manager.”

“Heh. Shoot, it wasn't nothin’! Just tryin’ to do my part.”

“Do… your part…”

Suddenly, the wheels in the Mayor’s head began to turn until something clicked and a lightbulb went off in her head.

“DO YOUR PART! THAT’S IT!”

“What is?”

“I know why I’m running in this election! It’s finally all starting to make sense! I know how we can win!”

“Really? How do we do it?”

“You’ll just have to trust me. I promise, Applejack, for you, I’m going to win this election!”

“I don't think so.” Applejack then brought the Mayor in for another tight squeeze. “You’re gonna win this for Ponyville.”

Morning. The day of the speech.

Both the Mayor and Applejack sat at the breakfast table, eating their usual breakfast, feeding each other now with enough fluency to feel where their mouths were without looking. After all, their eyes were busy glued to the morning paper which illustrated exactly what the people of Ponyville wanted to hear most out of the candidates running for mayor: the economy, relations with Canterlot, and most importantly, the big immigration debate that was beginning to spark like wildfire across the town. It was hard to stay calm during this painstaking time, but the even bigger challenge would be ignoring it any more than they had the capacity to do.

With the newspaper laid out on the table, the Mayor looked over the politics section while Applejack focused on the business section, hoping that she was still doing well in comparison to her competitors.

“Dag nab it! With all the things you could eat in Equestria, how is it that yams are ahead of us in sales? Who eats yams?”

“Maybe it’s not that people eat yams,” the Mayor said with a mouthful of oatmeal, “as much as it is their marketing plan.”

“What’re you talkin’ about? We make sure to put our farm’s logo on everything in Ponyville!”

“That’s my point. Everyone in Ponyville already knows who you are. The Yams family puts one advertisement in the paper each Monday morning, which is the paper that most people buy. They do that with the most popular newspaper in every major city south of Yakyakistan. In fact, I think they actually spend less money on advertising.”

“Wait a second, I think you might be onto somethin’. If we cut how much we spent on advertisin’ here and spread out a couple of apple stands around the region, we could actually make a lot of money! We’ve only gotten outside customers through word of mouth, but if we did this, we could open up a whole second farm! Mayor, you’re a genius!”

Applejack then dropped her spoon and swung her arm around the Mayor’s shoulder, squeezing her as tight as she could and planting a big kiss on the cheek. The Mayor began to blush, but as much as she wished she could stay that way, she awkwardly cleared her throat loud enough to get Applejack’s attention. Then, as soon as the farm girl took her mouth off the Mayor’s cheek and saw her uncomfortable face, she followed her eyes to the girl sitting at the table in front of them, burying her face into her arms to shield her laughter.

“And just what’s so funny now, little missy?”

Applebloom then erupted into a laughing fit, cracking up so hard that her lungs were in pain and tears were burning her eyes. “I… I’m sorry,” Applebloom said, wiping away a tear. “It’s just… now you really look like a married couple.”

Applejack slammed her hand against the table, leaning over towards her little sister. “Now hold on a minute!”

“I think it’s kinda sweet,” Granny Smith said with a smile. “You always been workin’ so hard that you ain't never had no time for anybody else. Ever since that there spell’s been put on you, it’s like you’ve finally had someone to take care of you. Ain't that right, Big Mac?”

“Eeyup.”

The Mayor blushed as Applejack stammered to defend her pride. “N-now hold on a minute! I don't want y’all misinterpreting what’s goin’ on here. The Mayor here’s got an election to win, and we’ve got a new business plan to set up. This ain't the time or place to be fillin’ our heads with white dresses and vows and rings.” The more Applejack talked about it, though, the more the Mayor’s cheeks burned red at the thought of having a special someone to be there for her the rest of her life.

“Anywho,” Applejack continued, breaking the Mayor from her daydreams, “I think we best get ready for the big speech. Think you’ll be OK, Mayor?”

Mayor Mare, however, wanted to tell Applejack how as long as she was by her side, she felt like all the stress didn't make sense anymore, but like Applejack said, this was neither the time or the place.

“Yes. I… I think I’ll be fine. Let’s get ready.”

The girls could hear the clamorous applause from their dressing room, only to their dismay, Trump was the one still on stage. They couldn't hear his powerful diction or his impactful promises, but they could hear the energy that he had in his voice, proclaiming to Ponyville how he would make this the greatest town in Equestria, followed by the deafening cheers from the audience.

“Five more minutes, ladies,” said a woman wearing a headset. “Good luck out there… You’re gonna need it.”

The women then leaned onto their changing room dresser, closing their eyes and taking deep breaths the way that Twilight taught them. In just five minutes, they would give the speech that would decide how the Mayor would spend her next ten years, either still in office or looking for work. With one more deep breath, the girls stood up straight, looked into each other’s eyes through their mirror and smiled as confidently as they could.

“This is your time, Mayor. Just like we practiced.”

“Yes… I’ll give it my best.”

“Ya always have.”

The women then walked their way towards the stage just as Trump gave his final remarks, waved to the crowd and made his way off to the other side. As the event host returned to the center to once again greet the crowd and introduce the next contender, the girls held each other's hand, running their thumbs around each other both out of anxiety and comfort. They mentally prepared themselves for the reaction they would no doubt receive upon walking onstage, and for the first time all day, they finally felt calm enough to approach the crowd.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you, our incumbent nominee, Miss Mayor Mare!”

A loud roar of applause filled the room far more than they expected, but as soon as the two women left the comfort of the curtain and walked onstage, the sound of cheers quickly shifted into astonished gasps. Instead of just the Mayor walking to the podium, there were two women joint at the hip, wearing a white blouse with a gray skirt, three-legged walking their way to center stage. Applejack’s hair was done up in a beehive style while the Mayor kept her normal, old-lady gray hairdo that the people already knew her for. The sudden silence was uncomfortable to say the least, but the two of them prepared for that, and more than anything, they wanted their chance to finally address their city.

“Good afternoon, everyone,” the Mayor said as Applejack looked out with a smile. “I can tell that most of you would like an explanation of what you see, and I have two words for you: spell mishap. For any of you who know Twilight Sparkle, I think you can all agree when I say that we’re never letting her style Applejack’s hair again.”

The crowd laughed quietly at the Mayor’s joke, and with their faces turned to smiles, they were already back on her side.

“Now, if any of you don't know who this lovely young lady to my side is, she has been helping me day and night in this campaign as both my manager and my best friend. However, that isn't all. She is also the granddaughter of one of Ponyville’s founding members, none of which were fliers or magicians. My opponent, Mr. Trump has brought up many points that I feel like many of you can relate to. He isn't promising you the impossible; he’s just illustrating the fears that many of you have, specifically about your employment and the competition you face.”

Several members in the audience folded their arms and nodded their heads, eagerly awaiting Mayor Mare’s response.

“It’s true. The majority of Ponyville residents can't fly or use magic. Both Applejack and I fit that category. We honor our tradition of the manual labor of the founders very seriously, which is evident by our refusal to using any sort of magic during our Winter Wrap Ups. Then, when you apply to those jobs that you need to feed your family, you find that someone with wings or magic can get the job done at twice your pace. I can sense your frustrations, your fears, and your concerns. Despite all this, though, there’s one thing I want you to remember.”

Applejack and Mayor Mare then lifted both of their fists into the air, speaking in unison.

““AS LABORERS, WE ARE STRONG, BUT TOGETHER, WE ARE INVINCIBLE!””

The people's hard stares suddenly turned into confusion as they began to mutter amongst each other quietly.

“It is true,” the Mayor continued, “that you may be outcompeted by someone who can fly or use magic, but it is due to their contributions to this town that we are able to enjoy the prosperity that they bring. Imagine sending a letter and having your recipient receive it the same day thanks to the wings of a flier. Think about all the hospitals and schools that are built in record times thanks to those with the ability to use magic. We all prosper thanks to their talents, and because of them, we can further expand our own talents as well!

“Take Applejack, for example. It doesn't matter how talented the flier or how dexterous the magician. Nobody can manage a farm the way she does, and thanks to the talents of those around her, she can ship her product to far off lands or even to your doorstep before the cider gets warm. Here in Ponyville, we all have talents that nobody else can do! Now follow the lead of Applejack and I. Let’s stick together and DO OUR PARTS!”

Suddenly, the room once again erupted into thunderous applause, the volume of which matched that of Trump himself. As Applejack and Mayor Mare looked into each other’s smiling faces, they nodded at each other and waved to all of the voters who took the time to come out and listen, and just as the two began to walk off the stage, they began to hear a section of the crowd chanting, “Mare for Mayor! Mare for Mayor! Mare for Mayor!”

Three days later. Election day.

“Well, that should be everything.”

Applejack stuck her hoe in the ground and wiped the remaining sweat off of her forehead, but seeing as how she was dripping sweat down her arms, she practically added as much moisture as she wiped away. The Mayor, on the other hand, was leaning against her own gardening hoe, panting for dear life.

“How… do you… do this… every day…?”

“Just with a strong work ethic and a little bit of elbow grease. Thanks for helpin’ out around the farm these past few days, by the way.”

“Well, we had a deal, didn't we?”

“Still, I appreciate what you’ve done 'round here. Why don't we get us some cider and take it easy for the night?”

“Applejack, you read my mind.”

The one and a half women then returned to Applejack’s kitchen, grabbed two cold glasses of cider and found a quiet tree to lay down by on a hill not too far up the ranch. The sun was beginning to set, and for the first time all week, they had nothing left to do but sit back, relax and enjoy the sunset.

Just as soon as they found a comfortable position, however, a familiar face with rainbow-colored hair came flying by at Mach speeds, nearly blowing the hat off of Applejack’s head.

“Rainbow, what’s got you in such a flurry?”

“Are you kidding?! You won! By just one vote! I’d like to think that one vote was me, but I don't know if I can take all the credit.”

“Oh, that’s right,” the Mayor said quietly. “The election was today wasn't it?”

Both Applejack and the Mayor had made a promise between each other not to speak of the election once they had given their speech, and to their pleasant surprise, they had practically forgotten about it completely. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, had not received the memo, as her jaw dropped in awe.

“Seriously?! You didn't even know?!”

“I’m sorry, Rainbow,” the newly re-elected Mayor replied. “I guess I’ve just had a lot on my mind.” Turning her gaze up to Applejack, the two smiled at each other, communicating with their eyes so that Rainbow Dash wouldn't know what they were thinking.

“Speaking of which, when did you two become separated again, anyway?”

The two women then looked down, noticing for the first time that their bodies were no longer joint together. How long they had been that way, neither could really say for sure, especially seeing as how their arms were still gripping each other close together, as if they had never come apart in the first place.

“Rainbow Dash,” Applejack said, still looking into the Mayor's eyes, “we’re awful thankful for you givin’ us the news, but could we get a little while to celebrate between the two of us?”

“Works for me. Congrats again on getting re-elected!”

The rainbow-haired girl then took off again at supersonic speeds into the clouds, leaving the two to themselves once again.

“Finally,” Applejack said. “I thought she’d never leave.”

Then, as the two smiled back at each other, Applejack lowered her face down to the Mayor’s as she once again got the silly idea of wearing a pretty white dress.