A Spice of Fluff in Equestria

A Spice of Fluff in Equestria

Chapter One

Two Fluffies and an Interdimensional Wormhole

John sighed as he took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose for the fifty-third time that sleepless night. The year was 2021, and it had been 9 months, 26 days, 5 hours, 2 minutes, 7.4926 seconds and counting since the wormhole project, titled Project Warpgate, had been commissioned. Half of that time had been spent doing overtime all night and the next day, trying to figure it out. The formula was right, he knew that. The device, a ring of a new steel-diamond alloy, which had only just been discovered to be possible, along with a plasma generator, and many, MANY, pieces of stabilized dark matter, which was built and quadruple checked for any major or minor fault, of which there was none, wasn’t the problem. That’s why he, and 49 other top scientists, were wracking their brains for any fault they could find. It didn’t help that he could hear the crying of the fifteen fluffy ponies being analyzed for their genetic code, despite the soundproofing.

What’s that? You don’t know what a fluffy pony is? Well, have some more exposition.

Five years ago, the creature (legally classified as a biotoy) known as the fluffy pony was announced. They were genetically engineered chimeric creatures, designed to be the perfect pet. They were about the size of a house cat, with stubby appendages ending in soft hoofpads, a large amount of fluff on their bodies, giving them their soft, huggable appearance, and tiny wings, a slightly stubby horn, or nothing at all. They also had sapience and basic speech (in a babyish lisp), albeit with the mental capacity of a 3-year-old. They were ‘programmed’ to be obsessed with love and hugs. Hasbro started a subdivision, called Hasbio, to create them. Unfortunately, PETA and Greenpeace extremists raided the labs and released most of the ‘beta’ versions of fluffies into the wild. These fluffies were incomplete, and ‘Smarty Syndrome’ was common among male unicorns, due to goat DNA. There were two kinds of smarties. Smarty friends, and the mean and demanding ones. Smarty friends were natural leaders, like that school president who would listen to everybody’s problems and actually listen. Feral herds (ferals being the name for wild fluffies) with a smarty friend often prospered, with equal sharing of food and nesting material. The other kind of smarty, however, was the complete opposite. They put themselves before everyone, hoarded all food, bedding, and ‘shiny tings’ and would make all-around awful leaders, kinda like Donald Trump. They can often be found knocking on people’s doors, demanding food and shelter, and, when refused, would give ‘sowwy poopies’, which involved facing away from the human, raising their tail, and releasing a stream of liquid shit directly at them. Due to poor bowel control, the beta fluffies often pooped when scared, calling it ‘scawdy poopies’. They were also obsessed with spaghetti, which they called ‘sketties’. They were also afraid of the dark, and had claustrophobia. Due to them breeding like rabbits, they quickly went down in value, until you could go to any pet store and buy one for 75 cents a pop. Hasbro was losing money, so they split from Hasbio, and blamed it all on them. Hasbio was good for at least 30 years, money-wise, due to them curing many mental diseases, and at least three types of cancer. Hasbro took all copies of the fluffy genetic formula before splitting, essentialy dooming Hasbio to not being able to do anything about the many complaints and lawsuits directed towards them. They immediately set about rediscovering the formula, with various side projects.

John heard the sound of the door opening, followed by footsteps. He turned around to see Callum, the head researcher on the fluffy project.

“Hey Cal. How’s it going with the fluffy thing?” John asked.

“Not good. The DNA is such a scrambled mix of dog, bird, cat, horse, human, goat, and a billion others that I can’t even begin to understand it. I’m heading home, I’ve had enough of this debauchery.” Callum replied, with a sullen look on his face.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna join you. I need a break from the constant equations and coding.”

“Good. Hey, you wanna hit that In-N-Out just 5 blocks away?”

“Sure. I’ve been eating nothing but granola bars and protein shakes for the past 36 hours. Actual food will be refreshing.”

As they walked towards the exit, contemplating burgers and advanced sciences, they failed to notice that they both forgot to lock their respective doors. The lights turned off, and they locked the entrance door, the whole facility dark as night, except for a faint light eminating from the crack in the fluffy door.

You were a wingy fluffy mare. The thing the hoomins in white not-fluff called you was ‘three-oh-one’, so you guess that was your name. You were currently curled up in the corner of your cage, silently crying yourself to sleep. The hoomins had given you many pointy owies, and taken a lot of your boo-boo juice. They had forgotten to give you nummies, so you had bad tummy owies. Suddenly, you heard a noise from outside your cage. You attempted to make yourself as small as possible. You had no blankie to hide under. All that was in your cage was a wawa bottle, a small red ball, and an empty food dish. Suddenly you heard speech.

“Is dere a fwuffy hewe?”

You looked up and saw an earthy stallion, with a neon green coat and electric blue mane. You softly spoke to him.

“Yush.”

He squinted through the bars and looked at you in the dim light of the night-light.

“Udda fwuffy! Too oh seben know how tu get owt!”

Your wings fluttered.

“Weawwy?”

He smiled and spoke.

“Yush!”

He looked at a strange red button on the front of your cage door. He pushed it, and the door popped open. You rushed out of the cage, and gave him a big huggie.

“Yay! Nyu fwend wet Tree oh wun owt!”

After your new friend, named ‘two-oh-seven’, let you out, you and him snuck out through the slightly ajar door. When you were out in the hall, you noticed pretty purple lights coming from the door next to yours. Luckily, it was also ajar. You and Two Oh Seven went to investigate.

Once inside, you saw something amazing. There was a big circle with what looked like a miniature galaxy of cream and purple inside it. You and Two Oh Seven walked up and stared at it. After about ten minutes of gawking, you tentatively stuck your hoofsie through. It felt funny. Like, a good funny though. After a minute of discussion with Two Oh Seven, you both stepped into the portal…

...And were sent flying through time and space.

Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria was sifting through hundreds of petitions, letters, and spam mail. She shook her head as a letter she had seen many times before came into her telekinetic grasp.

“Why does Ivory Scroll keep asking me not to replace her? She’s still mayor, I just live here.” She said, to no one in particular.

Suddenly, she dropped her letter. She had felt a large surge of magical energy, similar to the signature given off by the Crystal Mirror. She readjusted herself and picked up her letters.

It’s probably just Discord dimension-hopping again. Fluttershy will sort him out.

Still, she couldn’t help but think that something else was at play here…

She shook her head.

I’ll look into it tomorrow. But for now…

She stared at the massive pile of mail that was going to be her whole Friday.

She gulped.

I’ve got some work to do.