Lessons On Your Pony Waifu

The camera rolls as I sit in the exact scene as last time, the only difference was that there was a yellow Pegasus with pink hair in front of me. "Hello everypony! It's me, Bonebeat and our camera stallion who should be dead!"

"Screw you."

"I say shut up, you say screw you, perfect!" I say. "Anyway. We have a guest star in this lesson, mind telling us your name?" I ask. Very faintly, the mare shyly told it.

"Fluttershy," she says.

"Great, and now let us introduce our guest co star for being the only one to answer the question!" I say. I took out a note card and read. "Aracadunto? The hell of a name is that?" I ask.

"It says Arcadunato moron," Gary says.

"Shut up insignificant being," I say as I reread the note card. "Ah, it says Arcadunato, silly billy me," I say. Gary rolls his eyes as a weird alien walks through the door.

"Um, to be honest I didn't think you were serious about the question," he says as he sits down in an armchair that appeared.

"Don't worry, I'm a good guy about that," I say. "And you answered with C right?" I ask. He nods. "Welp, shows how stupid you are," I say as I crumbled the note card.

"What?" Everyone asks.

"The answer was E, who gives a flying feathery frick. Oh well. So how do you feel right now?"

"I feel like I'm about to slap you."

"Oh hey look at the time! Do you like bananas?" I ask.

"Yeah yeah sure, I like bananas but-"

"Okay okay, that's good, because you are gonna go bananas, on the moon!" I yell as I click a button, sending Arcadunutso out the building by the spring of his chair. Fluttershy is wide eyed as she watches this. "Don't worry, I was too lazy to build one on yours, that and since you're my first guest star, I'll treat you nicely," I explain. Fluttershy nods, still watching the hole in the ceiling.

"A-alright," she whispers.

"Okie dokie, so today's lesson is on the quiet side of waifus, under the dandere section. I'll call them the Fluttershys in honor of you," I say. "A Fluttershy will most likely be hard to find in big crowds," a picture of a crowd of Fluttershys in a street appear on the tv. "Think you can find her? Take a look," I say. A few seconds go by before a buzzard goes off. "You failed viewer, the Fluttershy was here!" I exclaim, pointing to one Fluttershy near the center with a sign on her head saying 'Fluttershy'. "Fluttershy comes from the root words, flut and ershy. Flut means quiet lovely. Ershy means secretly the devil." The picture changes to a picture of Fluttershy wearing horns. Fluttershy gasps. "But, the last part is a misnomer, which means Fluttershys are loveable, and won't stab you in the back," I say. A picture of Fluttershy hugging a big fricken bear appears. Fluttershy smiles. "Also, it actually means she'll rely on you for everything and they will hypnotize you with cuteness. Example one," I show a picture of Fluttershy giving the stare to a guy with pizza. "She is using the hard cuteness tactic. There are three tactics, hard cuteness, lovable cuteness, and death cuteness," I finish, showing a pitcure of the guy dying in a hospital bed with a heart moniter beside him. A clipboard on his chest says: Too Celestial damn cute. Fluttershy gasps.

"I-I'm pretty sure that never happened!" She quietly exclaims. I nod. "Gary, you've experienced it right? Let's test it on you," I say. He sighs and leaves the camera and walks onto the set with the most bored expression ever. "Fluttershy, do the cute," I say. She looks at the camera and sighs. Her pupils expand, she smiled a little like a kitty, sat on her haunches with her front hooves up, and positioned her ears down. I have on shades while stupid Gary went wide eyed.

"Urk!" He yelps before falling over side ways cluching his chest. I nod my head.

"True Facts."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Fluttershy asks, poking him.

"Of course he will, he's Gary, he'll never die knowing I'd get his pay check," I say. I look down at the twitching and possibly-having-a-heart-attack Gary. "See, he's moving," I say. I pick him up and flew to the camera. "Here you go." I positioned his body to be leaning on the camera. I took his front right hoof and stuck it in his nose before going back to my seat. "Alright. So Fluttershy, do you think there's a way to stop something like that?" I ask. She shook her head. "Oh, okay then," I turn my head to the camera. "Fluttershys are most commonly found in alleyways, crowds, and houses they broke into." I stopped and took a long sip of my hard apple cider. "One way of finding a Fluttershy is mentioning bears. Speaking of bears, do you think me and Gary will win Oscars?" I ask Fluttershy.

"What's that have to do with bears?" She asks.

"You know, like Gentle Ben," I say. The tv quickly shows a picture of a bear eating a fish. Fluttershy's pupils dilate at the sight. "Gentle Ben starred in many movies, along with Silly Drunk," I continue while the tv shows a stallion dressed up as a pirate with a big black ship. "Gentle Ben, Oscars, Silly Drunk, Oscars, Drunk, Oscars, Oscars, big freaking bear, awards," a pause went through the room. "... And Silly Drunk. Wonder how they made a name like Jack Sparrow, rather ridiculous if you ask me," I say. I then sigh as I look at the time. "Oops, we're almost out of time, alright guys, so the question of today is: when you talk to a Fluttershy do you, A: ask if she's a tree, B: ask for some lovin, C: ask her name and keep asking, or D: be the asshole who says f you and gets beaten up by our next guest star!" I say. I pull out a crystal toy. "This lesson was sponsored by Princess Cadence and Crystal Production. Now without further ado," I pull out a sucker punch gun. "This is what I'm reduced to after last episode, oh well, I have the best aim with this!" I say as I aim. I shot and punched Gary off the camera.

"You missed," Fluttershy says.

"No I didn't, I hit Gary, now for the camera!" I exclaim as I pulled the trigger. The camera was punched with cracks on the glass.