Changeling Therapy 2: Dreams And Nightmares

From Canterlot, Luna and Celestia looked out over what should have been the brightness of day but instead saw an encroaching and horrific blackness erupt over Ponyville, spreading slowly outwards like spilt oil. Luna’s eyes widened in horror and disbelief at what she was seeing.

“It’s the Tantabus for sure, now there is no doubt remaining, my sister can you forgive me for not seeing this, I was so foolish! I thought those nightmares were all the doing of Sunny, not that some vestige of my awful creation was residing in his dreams,” Luna lamented, “I swear to you sister of mine that I did not know…”

Celestia interrupted her sister, kindly but urgently, “there will be time to retrospect later Luna, right now we must take action. Twilight is already in Ponyville and she will help hold it off, come we must set off there now!”

“And surely not without me!” a familiar voice came from behind them.

“Discord!” Celestia, whirled round to face the draconequus, “I certainly hope you are here to help, we have no time to waste, will you assist us, I need your answer quickly!”

Discord feigned offense and took on a very effeminate pose that would not have been out of place in the most melodramatic pantomime, “really! How rude can you be, here I am taking time out of important duties to come and offer my aid and you have the audacity…”

“Really Discord?” Celestia lost her patience and blasted him with a scorn she normally held in check.

“Fine!” he replied, looking disappointed, “since Fluttershy is clearly in harm’s way of course I’ll do whatever I can to help! And I suppose some of the rest of you are ok too, sometimes. You’ll probably need it too, the magic used by that ‘thing’ is chaos based magic. Just how powerful did you make it Luna?”

Luna was too distraught to pick up that Discord was baiting her and was about to launch into a righteous tirade against him when Celestia stopped her, “calm yourself Luna, Discord, can you take us directly to Ponyville?”

“First things first, I must ask you Luna are you truly sure this ‘thing’ has no further power over you? Hasn’t it been influencing your dreams still?” Discord asked, his voice probing.

“Have you been spying on me, you cur!” Luna erupted, unable to contain her temper, “yes it was influencing me to make me insecure and angry, yes it’s true. But only in my dreams, it’s not part of me anymore, it doesn’t draw power from me!”

“Alright then, if you’re sure...” he replied and snapped his fingers, taking the two princesses with him.

When they materialised in the midst of Ponyville the sight that greeted them was utter chaos. Shattered glass, debris, wood and other manifestations of turmoil littered everywhere and it seemed like half of the town was on fire. Smoke filled the air, with the sky above blackened, though the horizon was still luminous, like a ghastly eclipse.

Above them, engaged in what seemed like quite a brutal ruckus, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Starlight Glimmer were busy engaging the giant equine form of the Tantabus. It seemed like they were throwing everything they could muster at it to no avail, many of the powerful bolts of magic were simply rebounding or missing and causing destruction to various parts of Ponyville.

Twilight sensed the arrival of three powerful forms and looked down to see Luna, Celestia and Discord standing below. She bellowed for Starlight and Rainbow to halt their attack and come back with her as she flew down to land in front of the three.

“We can’t even scratch it!” Twilight cried through intense and exhausted panting, “nothing we can do seems to harm it!”

“What?” Luna replied, “It’s in the real world, it’s escaped the dreamscape so it should be vulnerable to conventional magic!”

“Now this doesn’t feel right at all…” Discord muttered, looking up at the giant form that straddled the town hall.

The Tantabus was enormous, at least as high as the tallest spire of Canterlot, black, ominous with a luminous glow woven around its edge. It looked down on them with a clearly discernable expression, disdainful amusement.

“What doesn’t feel right?” Twilight asked Discord.

“I get the feeling,” he pondered, looking up, “that your creation has evolved somewhat since last time. I don’t remember quite so much expression in the face are, at least from how you described it.”

“It can’t be!” Luna gasped, looking up at what was clearly a greater self awareness that she had ever conceived would be possible for her creation.

“Oh it certainly can!” a voice boomed from above, and the ghastly and colossal apparition shrunk until its form became the size of a pony. It looked almost exactly like Luna, having taken her form, but there was one striking differences between them. The eyes were anomalous, and it only took Luna a moment to see that they were more similar to Sunny’s eyes, fixed in a wrathful squint.

The Tantabus chuckled and reared up in a manner reminiscent of Luna when she had the form of Nightmare Moon, it cackled in its cruel revelry.

“So mother we meet again!” the Tantabus spoke, “you thought your moment of self forgiveness banished me but you were wrong. I found a way back to you.”

“Through Sunny,” Luna stated already sure of the answer.

“How true mother,” the Tantabus replied, addressing its ‘creator’ with a sarcastic disdain, “when you thought me destroyed I wandered the dreamscape in unspeakable agony until I saw an opportunity. A pony who hated himself more than you could ever imagine. A conflicted and disfigured soul who I could latch onto. I tormented him with the most perverted of nightmares, a thousand times more terrifying and destructive than I could ever muster for you, mother. I broke him down to nothing and fed on all his rage, growing strong.

“Alas I could not escape, despite my strength. For you had weakened me on my near destruction, I found I could no longer tear open a portal to Equestria. Fortunately your Changeling friend was able to do that for me…”

“What did you do to Iridis?” Twilight demanded, gritting her teeth, horn glowing.

The Tantabus laughed heartily, “in his compassion for Sunny he tried to drain some of his pain and then I used him as the conduit into this world. I left him broken, beaten and bloodied, smote on the floor like a squished bug. HAH!”

This was too much for Twilight and Luna who looked at each other briefly and then launched themselves at their foe with a furious burning passion. The Tantabus grinned and uttered once “Yes! Come to me! Let us see what you can do!”, before the battle once more commenced in frenzied earnest as the rest of the ponies and Discord threw themselves into the fray.

Sunny’s love for Applebloom was abundant, rich and pure, the purest that Iridis had ever tasted and as he fed he felt his broken body begin to mend. They looked into each other’s eyes for just a moment and then let themselves drift into a shared reverie.

Sunny looked around in the dreamscape and gasped in wonder at where Iridis had taken him.

“I never knew…. And, that’s my dream isn’t it?” he asked, gazing down at the blackened mass which now seemed clearer since the Tantabus had departed, “how can I be here with you, if that’s my dream, if I’m in my dream… umm am I in my dream too or outside of it?”

Iridis turned to face him, his body sparkling in the ethereal construct of the dreamscape, “both are true, Luna taught me how to let a pony see themselves in a dream, she sometimes used it to to help ponies overcome their nightmares. It’s like when you have a dream where you look down on yourself, or see copies of yourself. Now, let us go…”

“Yes…” Sunny replied, fearfully and morbidly, gasping in incomprehension as the changeling helped him move onto the surface of the hypersphere. With the Tantabus gone the surface was much clearer, sufficiently cleansed to allow them to break through.

As they entered the bounded hypersurface of his dream world Sunny let out a cry, “please don’t judge me, please, oh Celestia, Iridis…”

“It’s ok, it’s ok, I won’t. Share your fears with me, my friend…” Iridis replied and stayed close to Sunny as he saw the nightmares come into view.

The scene was brutal in its rage and simplicity, a doppleganger of Sunny was smashing his father’s face in with a rock, shouting in rage. Each time though he tried to bring the stone down on his father’s face the rock simply bounced off as if lighter than air.

“Iridis, I’m so sorry, I would never, that’s not me, that’s not me…” Sunny cried, squeezing out huge dreamlike tears as he sobbed.

Iridis reassured him almost immediately, “I know Sunny. Don’t think you’re the only one that has these rage dreams, many ponies do. I know it isn’t the whole you.”

Sunny nodded, sobbing desperately and looking on at the scene, “dad I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t hate you, or, at least I don’t mean to, I love you.”

And with that admission something happened, the tableaux vanished in a puff of vapour. Sunny paused and turned his head to Iridis seeking an explanation.

The changeling pondered this for a moment and then smiled proudly, “I think I know why Sunny. You don’t just feel anger intensely, you feel love intensely too. You love your father, and it frightened you how much. You couldn’t deal with it so you hid behind anger. I think you just confronted that.”

“Maybe,” the stallion replied, shaking a bit.

The world before them melted into mist and then reformed into another scene, this time a class room. A young frail and timid looking Sunny was being mocked by a gaggle of shrieking school ponies. He was sitting on the floor, his arms and legs crossed.

“Sunny wet himself! What a baby!” one faceless pony shouted from the crowd.

The adult Sunny looking on turned red and shook his head in remembered humiliation, “I went home and cut myself that day, for the first time. I hated them all so much!” it sounded for a moment as though he would unleash a torrent of anger, but he was too distraught, too drained and too frightened for that happen.

Both looked on as the humiliation continued, now the school ponies attempting to move him off the wet patch to expose his shame.

“No no no. I can’t do this!” Sunny cried and turned to leave.

“You STAY!” Iridis shouted, surprising himself, “I nearly just died trying to help you. You gave me the love to save me. That makes us ‘blood brothers’ of sorts; you see this through! Understand me? You see it through with me!”. He’d never spoken to anypony like that, and yet this time he didn’t feel ashamed of himself, he let it happen and it seemed that Sunny responded to it.

The stallion turned back to the awful replay of his past and looked again.

“Sunny…” Iridis said, “don’t you think I have nightmares of being a hive changeling, nightmares of feeding off the unwilling, nightmares of bringing victims back to the hive as food. Don’t think that I don’t hurt from that too? I may not ever fully forgive myself for all of that, but Fluttershy taught me I can’t dwell on the past. I did bad things, but there was no way I could do better. I became more than I was. What have you done? Pissed on the floor at school? Did you EVER do the things I did? If not then can you forgive yourself for the simple crime of just being a little colt and having an accident… Can you maybe get around the fact that young ponies can be cruel and that they mostly grow up and move on? Can you move on from that Sunny?”

Sunny thought about this for a moment, thinking outside himself and realising something he hadn't before. Iridis had probably helped kill ponies, indirectly perhaps but it was none the less likely. Here he was, tormenting himself in some ridiculous loop over something so like this.

Something snapped in his mind and the scene dissolved into nothingness and he breathed out a long sigh of release.

“Oh my…” he moaned as he felt himself feel lighter and more unburdened, but yet still he sank to to the floor, shifting and dreamlike as it was, and continued to sob hearty tears; it was as though it was his only release for the boiling tempest inside him. These were terrors he’d never had the courage to face before.

Slowly the mists of the previous nightmare formed into another scene, Sunny, sitting in his old room, looking teenage in years. His desk was littered with a mountain of screwed up paper and Iridis saw the younger doppelganger of his friend gritting his teeth and grunting frustratedly.

“What are you doing to yourself?” Iridis whispered out loud seeing Sunny’s younger self scratching his foreleg on the sharp corner of his desk. He’d clearly done it so much as to draw blood, rubbing through his coat and breaking the skin underneath.

“I felt like a failure,” Sunny cried, and Iridis could see his resolve waning as the feelings overcame him, “I remember it, I remember it…”

“Were you parents hard you on?” Iridis inquired, gently. He had no ‘parents’ of his own in a sense, but he’d heard this to be a common cause of Ponies’ overzealous self judgement.

Sunny shook his head, “no they always told me not to push myself too hard.” He almost snorted from effort.

“Then why, why Sunny, why so cruel to yourself?” and something happened to Iridis he could not expect, a hot swell of sympathy grew in his heart once more like a terrible ache. Something happened he could only do in a dream, he began to cry too. The sensation was strange to him, but then he had no way of knowing if it were accurate or not. It felt good though, soothing, wet and cathartic.

“I wasn’t good enough at school.. I wasn’t good enough at anything I did!” Sunny explained.

“But you were top of your class, Luna showed me your grades, your marks…” Iridis replied, perplexed, “It’s like you’re just finding any excuse to punish yourself. Sunny, is that it, are you addicted to, punishing yourself?”

“Yes,” Sunny replied, almost too matter of factly.

“But it hurts you too, why do you do it? Was there something that triggered it?” Iridis pressed further, “It’s like you know every answer for what’s wrong with you, and you already know it’s not true, but yet you do it anyway… what kind of inner monologue do you have to to put yourself through that much torment?” the changeling exclaimed, thinking back to his own remnants of self loathing. He had to admit he could understand some of the horror Sunny was going through, but he’d never had such a vicious and self-defeating inner voice.

“I don’t know. I’ve always just, felt, divided against myself,” was the best that Sunny could explain, transfixed on the scene which was now deviating from reality. The fake Sunny began to run harder until the skin and muscle was showing, the corner of the desk lathing off section after section of the flesh like cleaved meat. The form continued to grind itself into the edge until the whole shoulder was gone, then its head, then down its body.

Iridis felt like he would throw up and had to look away, was this the kind of nightmare Sunny had, day in day out?

“It was worse when the Tantabus was here…” Sunny said and it sent a shiver of terror up Iridis’s spine.

This scene in front of him would probably haunt him for the rest of his life, and yet he could believe that with the Tantabus’s influence it had clearly been worse. How long had Sunny been tormented, how long had he endured this? What terrors had he been tortured with? He leaned down and wrapped himself around Sunny, holding him really close.

“Sunny…” Iridis began, drawing as much courage he could from deep within him, “What should I say to you? Would Applebloom want you to hurt yourself? Would she want this, wouldn’t she say to you what she’s said before, that you’re kind to her?”

Sunny had to nod at this, unable to disagree.

“Ok, so you can at least believe that,” Iridis continued, “Sunny, can you understand that’s not about being perfect? Or whatever it is you aspired to. Deep down I think you’re very kind, full of kindness. Applebloom saw it in you, that’s why she really loves you. You don’t need to have such high expectations of yourself, when clearly you are already wonderful.”

The scene flickered for a moment and then slowly slithered away into ropes of blue smoke. The changeling looking down at his friend who seemed to have accepted the truth, even if he was still hurting.

“Well done, well done,” Iridis cooed, gently stroking Sunny’s mane and holding him tight, “well done Sunny, you’re brave Sunny, so brave.”

“Thankyou.” was the weak and pathetic reply.

Around then, slowly, the sinews of dreams coalesced once more into one final vision, and judging from the cry of primal terror that Sunny let loose from deep within his soul, it would be the worse.

“NOT THIS! NO!” he cried, trying to flee but Iridis held him down, “No, let me go let me FUCKING GO!”

“No NO Sunny!” the bug cried, pinning his charge to the ground, “whatever this is you MUST see it through…”

“NO!” protested the earth pony, now bucking and writhing so hard he even moved slightly in and out of the plane of the dream.

Once he had established a hold Iridis looked up and took in the final and worst manifestation of Sunny’s most deep terror.

In a bedroom once more, he saw a mare, spread on the bed wide, exposing her marehood for Sunny to see. The Stallion was attempting to enter her, clumsily, angrily, in complete frustration but failing badly, barely hard enough to make any progress. Neither of the couple looked like they particularly wanted this, Sunny looked desperate and the mare had an unreadable expression.

“Don’t look, please don’t look…” Sunny screamed, then finally he began to exhaust himself and he slackened a little and let Iridis rest on top of him heavily.

“Oh my,” Iridis groaned, “oh my, Sunny….”

“We had just broken up,” Sunny explained, his voice deteriorating into an almost robotic soliloquy as though his mind was trying to protect him from the dreadful machinations of his subconscious, “I didn’t want to be a virgin, and she said it would be ok for us to, for us to have sex, before I had to leave and never see her again. But, I couldn’t, it just… oh Iridis, I’m sorry.”

This was possibly the one area that the Changeling felt most ill equipped to deal with. It was true he was now sexually much more mature, open and very relaxed about himself. But the whole culture of virginity being related to self worth, it wasn’t something he understand. Sexual frustration wasn’t really something he understood either.

His problem in the spa, all that time ago when he felt felt sexual feelings towards one of the masseuses was much more to do with how close it felt to his own hunger. Changeling culture didn’t have the same baggage, culture expectations or pressure to ‘lose virginity’ that he had seen in pony society. His sexuality now was much more based around Fluttershy’s happiness, and his first orgasm with her was very linked with the symbiotic feeding they had experienced together.

Sexual hunger he understand, but all the rest of the nuances Sunny felt right now, he doubted he could make the leap. His mind groped around, trying to find something he could say or do.

Eventually he spoke, carefully, “Sunny, this might be something I can’t understand, but tell me, how can we fix this? What is it you’d need to fix this?”

“I need it” came the reply, simply, amid a torrent of tears.

“You need sex?”

“I need to do it right, for once, it’s never gone very well, ever, with anypony,” Sunny’s eyes were tightly shut, and he tried to drown out the awful noises of his dream self’s angrily frustrated cursing.

“OK,” Iridis said, “If I said to you something like ‘you don’t need sex to be happy’, I feel I might be lying, or a hypocrite somehow. It seems like you really do need to experience this, but in a way that you feel comfortable with. Look, listen, if we get through this somehow I promise to do everything I can to find somepony to teach you, there has to be a mare who can work with you, maybe that one of the princesses knows or something? It can’t be impossible.”

Although it was a long shot Sunny actually perked up slightly and even tilted his head to peer up at Iridis, “really?”

“I promise, I’ll find a way, even if I have to go to the ends of Equestria, I’ll set you up with someone who will take the time to understand you, and help you through it” Iridis confirmed, and then he saw the same telltale signs of the dream washing away. It seemed like this time it would be too big a leap for Sunny to just let his feelings on the matter go, but instead it was the promise of action, or moving forward the spurred him on. That perhaps would have to do for now.

Sunny was exhausted and flattened himself out prone on the surface of the dream. Every part of him ached with effort. There was a wave of relief though, like that little gasp of air after long sought forgiveness is finally bestowed, like the worries and woes that had built up in his body melted like butter and sunk deep into his chest: then flowed out through his legs.

The changeling sighed himself and rolled off to one side and let himself be still on the floor for a second or too. He looked around the Sunny’s dream, and saw how much clearer it was now.

“Wait,” he exclaimed, rising into the air and hovering, not beating his wings at all, “wait, it’s not all gone, I can still feel it here.”

“What?” Sunny replied, unable to move but sensing the urgency in his friend’s voice, “the Tantabus, is it still here?”

“Yes it, it is… but we saw it escape, how is it still. Oh no!”

Sunny twitched, “what do you mean ‘oh no’ Iridis, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me!”

“It’s still inside your sphere,” Iridis spoke coldly and with fear in his voice, “it’s diminished for sure, but it’s still there,” he pointed in the fourth dimension towards where he could feel the presence, but Sunny just saw part of his arm disappear and didn’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s like it’s still anchored to you. I don’t understand, haven’t you forgiven yourself like Luna did when she purged the Tantabus, surely it can’t have a hold on you anymore, unless,” he paused and looked down, “unless you haven’t forgiven yourself?”

“Irids you helped me SO much!” Sunny cried, “I do feel better, much better, but, it’s too much, I can’t just forgive myself just like that, it’s too much in one go! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

The Changeling knew the truth now, and more pieces of the puzzle slid into place. He didn’t have the knowledge of Luna, but he felt like he knew enough to understand what was happening. The Tantabus had grown in strength within Sunny’s psyche until it found a means to escape through a Changeling - one that could draw the manifestation of emotion out of a pony. But it was smarter now, it had chosen to stay partly in the real world and partly in the dream world. Unable to be destroyed fully in either, and probably experiencing the strengths of both. If that were true, it it could draw on the dream world for potency, it might explain why the battle was going so badly, it would have immeasurable power, perhaps even the kind of power that Discord had.

Its plan was cruel and monstrous. Sunny had needed help, love and help, but perhaps just when he may have been reachable, probably a few years ago now, the Tantabus had infected him and destroyed any progress he might have made. It knew just how self-sustaining his own ego was at maintaining his misery and self loathing; it exploited it, amplified it and hurt him so badly it would take him years and years to fully forgive himself. It could continue to draw on the dream world for as long as he didn’t, and by then it might be too late for Equestria.

He shuddered and gritted his teeth in anger at such foul and brilliant cruelty, and shivered inwardly at how much peril they were in.

Sunny could learn to move on, given time and help, but now they didn’t have that time.

“Curse you!” Iridis cried, “Curse you Tantabus!”

At this they woke, and Iridis felt himself refreshed and healed somewhat from drinking on Sunny’s love. His friend came back to consciousness, taking a deep breath and crying out in surprise at being wrenched back into the world.

The two exchanged a hopeless glance.

“What do we do?” the changeling asked, still bound within his cocoon.

“I must go and confront it…”

“I don’t think you can win!” Iridis protested, not wishing to be defeatist but knowing it was the truth.

“I have to try, I have to,” Sunny tried to stand and then fell over immediately. He was so emotionally exhausted he couldn’t keep himself up, and his limbs shivered with feeling, “oh shit, shit, come on…” his body refused to obey for the second time then on the third he managed to stand shakily to his hooves, uncertain and wobbling like a newborn foal.

Iridis looked at him with awe. Having just been through the experience they had together, becoming brothers in dreams he wouldn’t have thought Sunny would be able to do anything, much less confront a monster - yet somehow, despite everything there was strength remaining in him yet.

“I’ll be back, I promise, and whatever happens, Iridis, you’re the brother I never had...” Sunny announced and ran out of the house and towards Ponyville as fast as he could manage, only pausing to yell instructions to the remaining Apple family members to take good care of Iridis.

Twilight’s lungs burned with exertion, her chest heaving so hard it felt as though as though it would perforate her ribs. The hair that normally settled around her horn had been blackened from its magical heat, it still smoldered, a tide of black slowly making it’s way down the purple fronds and releasing an acrid smell as it finally fizzled out.

“What are we doing wrong…” Twilight cried out between desperate gulps of air.

The battle had reached now a lull as Celestia, Luna, Discord, Rainbow and Starlight regrouped at the edge of the town square, all similarly exhausted. They had unleashed a brutal and devastating attack on the Tantabus and it had merely shrugged off even their most potent spells. Even Discord, who had a little more success in slowing the manifestation down failed to make any significant progress.

Only once in the battle did it seem to struggle for just a moment, wincing and snorting. They had taken this as a cue to redouble their efforts but it was yet still futile. All the combatants save the Tantabus were utterly exhausted.

“Luna, what the hell is going on?” Rainbow panted, “I thought we destroyed this thing when you forgave yourself?”

“It’s not me anymore…” Luna replied.

“Yeah ok ok!” replied Rainbow, angrily gritting her teeth, “it’s Sunny now, I got that by no from what everypony has been saying. Can’t we just get him to forgive himself?”

“No Rainbow!” she boomed, “it’s escaped, it doesn’t matter if he forgives himself or not, Sunny has nothing… oh, oh no..”

“What?” demanded the pegasus, her chest visibly pumping like an engine.

The Tantabus took a step closer to the group and laughed raucously, “so you finally figured it out mother?”

“I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!” Luna bellowed and unleashed a half hearted burst of magic that ricocheted off the Tantabus and smashed into a nearby shop window, sending glass flying everywhere.

“Temper temper!” it continued, “you finally realised, I’m neither in the dream world or the real world. I have all the power of the reverie and none of the vulnerabilities of being purely physical, and I have plans for Equestria!”

“Why?” Luna demanded, “Why do this?”

“Oh please!” it snorted, “take some responsibility Princess Of The Moon, I’m born of your self loathing, nurtured by Sunny’s and still fed by him now! I must admit your petty self-loathing is nothing compared to his though, he’s truly the master. There will be no end to my power as long as he lives, and in this new dark world I create there will be many more tortured souls for me to feed on!” it reared up onto the impressions of its hind legs and spread its foul black wings, “I WILL BE A GOD!”

“NO YOU WON’T!” a voice cried, ever over the din and everyone turned to face the newcomer.

“Sunny?” Luna gasped, “why are you here?”

Sunny was shaking from exhaustion and fear, but still despite it all bravely stepped towards the Tantabus, Twilight moved to stop him but Luna held up a hoof, “let him try.”

“What is this?” the Tatanbus laughed, clearly amused, “so the spinless cur has finally learned a little bravery! So what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m here to destroy you!” Sunny shouted, his anger temporarily masking the fear and guilt he still felt, “you say I can’t forgive myself, but I just faced my worst fears with Iridis and I moved on from them, and you know what I reckon you felt it too didn’t you?”

The Tantabus lurched forward for a just a moment and Sunny shrank back with a cry, it laughed at him, “yes it’s true I did feel it Sunny. You faced down your worst fears… Angry at your father, pissing yourself at school, not ‘getting it up’. Pah! Are you serious? I’ve seen the dreams of ponies whose fathers raped them, I’ve seen the dreams of ponies who were paralyzed in accidents, I’ve seen the dreams of the mothers whose foals died when they were infants. And you? You think you’re brave? I didn’t choose you because you were the most damaged pony in Equestria, believe me I had plenty of choice, I chose you because of your artful self torture, you did all that yourself Sunny all of it YOURSELF!”

He faltered and sunk to his knees, desperately trying to cling onto the hope he’d felt with Iridis, trying hard to snatch at the bravery which now felt like it was leaving him.

“HAH see?” the Tantabus remarked, looking over to the rest of the crowd in amusement, “forgive himself? Maybe after twenty years of therapy. But that’s not going to happen in my new Equestria. I’m going to keep you as a pet Sunny! I’ll feed on your guilt for the rest of your life. You know what I might even let you have a treat once in a while, like a loyal lap dog”, it approached him, “what do you say Sunny, why not be my slave, it’ll be easier? We can have so much fun together Sunny. How about I sweeten the deal huh? I’ll make you a whole harem of mares under my control, I’ll give you every possible pleasure you could ever want, and yet it’ll only feed your guilt more. How delicious it could be!” the voice sounded so much like Nightmare Moon’s.

“NO!” he shouted, “I won’t let you!”

“Oh and how will you stop me, you’ve not even seen my full power, and now with your little brave interlude complete let me show you what your anger and self pity has wrought!”

A dazzling flash of light blinded him for a moment and when the afterimage subsided he saw a terrible sight. All his friends were petrified, much like the way that Discord had been when Celestia imprisoned him in Stone. Some of the most powerful beings in Equestria were now helpless and the Tantabus had barely lifted a hoof to dispose of them.

“They aren’t dead, I’ll torment them later,” the Tantabus explained, very matter of factly, then once again giving Sunny its full attention, “just you and I now Sunny, my source of power, my soul.”

Sunny broke the gaze of the monster and ran up to the still and hardened muse of Twilight and tried to shake it, panicking.

“It’s no use Sunny, they can’t hear you.”

He sunk to the ground, and distantly he recalled the time he had sunk before Luna, framed by the detritus and mess of his apartment, begging her for help. This time there was no stale dust to greet his nose, but the earthy smell of grass and dirt, somehow more real and comforting. His mind juddered to a halt, realising everything was over, and that so much of it was his fault.

Sunny knew that he only needed to forgive himself and he could break the conjoining of himself and the Tantabus, perhaps that might break the spell on his friends, perhaps then there might be hope. He looked deep within his ego and realised that his id still fought him, undermining him at every turn, replaying and regurgitating every past transgression, and anticipating every possible future one.

The Tantabus was right. He could at least now see thanks to Iridis a time in the future, a possible future where he could learn to forgive himself. But it was too much to do right now, it was impossible, and the Tantabus knew it.

His mind sunk into a catatonic despair and he looked into the monster’s eyes with a look of one of who has seen the infinite.

“You are broken.”

The announcement was uttered with such an air of finality from the monster, “wait no, not quite, a small little speck of hope remains in you, I can feel it. But no matter, I can fix that problem.”

The air crackled with that characteristic sound of teleportation and out of the void emerged a confused Applebloom, looking around in disbelief.

“What the hay?” she announced, “Sunny? What….”

Before she could speak further a bubble formed around her, drowning out her voice. Applebloom felt herself lifted up, fully ensconced within an invisible prison. She looked down at Sunny, along at the array of frozen muses, and then to the Tantabus. She understood what had happened and hung her head.

“Applebloom!” Sunny cried, a sudden rush of anger giving him a final bolt of strength, “You LET HER GO!” he threw himself at the Tantabus, but it merely laughed and pushed him back magically, letting his legs slide over the dirt in futility.

“I’ll break that last bit of will you have to resist!” the Tantabus announced, then, to Sunny’s horror he saw the bubble begin to fill with water.

“NO NO!” he screamed, “I’ll do what you ask, I’ll do ANYTHING you want! STOP!”

The Tantabus laughed and Applebloom began to cry in panic and fear as the water slowly rose and ultimately submerged her within the bubble. The filly flailed in panic for a good twenty seconds, a time that felt like twenty years, until she began to slow her movements, and opened her eyes, looking at Sunny through the horizon of the bubble.

His eyes said to her that she was sorry.

Her eyes said to him that she forgave him even though she didn’t want to die.

It wouldn’t be long now before she would drown and he could already see her abdomen heaving and twitching.

“What will you do?” the Tantabus mocked.

Sunny stood motionless.

“What will you do?”

The light left his eyes and he became as rigid as death, paralysed with horror.

“WHAT WILL YOU DO?”

He fell to the ground, among the debris, nails, and broken glass.

“WHAT WILL YOU DO, SUNNY?”

Then it happened.

His eyes, fearful and glazed suddenly became focussed and calm, the change was so unexpected that the Tantabus took a small step back.

“The only thing I can do” he replied, with a self assuredness and purpose that he had never felt in his whole life.

Sunny picked up a piece of broken glass from the ground with his two front hooves, then he slit his own throat.

The Tantabus screamed as its magic failed, as it felt the source of its chaotic power severed. Applebloom fell out of the dissolving bubble and all of the frozen ponies suddenly became re-animated, restored and vengeful.

As Sunny’s body fell to the ground his flank glowed brightly, his cutie mark finally now erupting in glory, etched across his flank, boldly and proudly.

A beautiful yellow sun.

A blue moon.

Intermingled.

Sunny Shade.

A pony between light and dark, who finally made his peace at the end of things.

And in his injured state Iridis knew he felt what had happened despite the distance, and he knew what his second circle would become filled with, he didn’t need to look.

It would be the cutie mark of his brother.

To be concluded in the final chapter………..