"Psh, I'm not runnin' away, that sh*t's adorable!"

Mr. Original’s Dictionary
Original Edition

Tornado Slap
/tôrˈnādō slap/
vb.

-when James/Conscience slaps some(one/thing) so hard that they spiral into the air at breakneck speed

*Time usually slows down temporarily upon contact to the target.

Twilight and James arrived just in time to watch Applejack walk backwards with a cart load of apples saddled on her back, as she tipped over.

James looked at the upside-down position Applejack who snored as the cart suspended her in the air. "...That does not look comfortable."

"Applejack, we need to talk," Twilight said when they got close enough to her. Applejack stirred.

"Wha-, Huh?" the farm pony looked around frantically before her gaze fell on the upside down unicorn in front of her, causing her to relax. "Oh. It's you, Twilight." She yawned, "Ah know what you're gonna say, but the answer is still no."

"Not to upset your apple cart, but you need help," Twilight insisted.

"Hardy har," Applejack replied flatly as she flailed her forelegs to right herself. "And no Ah don't." She flailed again, getting no results.

"Here. Let me help," Twilight offered.

"Help? No thanks," Applejack continued to flail and grunt with effort as she struggled to get her hooves back on the ground. Twilight facehoofed, while James's face remained neutral, his hands behind his back. Miraculously, the cowpony managed to right herself.

"There. Ah'll prove that this Apple can handle these apples," she kicked at the tree next to her as James started picking up the apples that didn't make it inside the basket Applejack had just left. "Now come on... apples... fall off!" she grew frustrated as she repeatedly kicked with her hind leg, alas, no apples fell from above.

"AJ, I think you're beating a dead... tree," Twilight said. The orange mare looked up. Indeed, it lacked any fruit... and leaves for that matter.

"...Ah knew that," Applejack said casually. James couldn't help but chuckle in amusement.

He spoke up from behind as they followed her down the orchard. "Yeah, so, you wouldn't believe this. We just came from the hospital, and found out--"

"Y'know, Ah'm a little busy to get lectured right no--"

KLPOW!

A fire-eyed James was glaring in Applejack's face. "Look. Don't you dare say you aren't tired, I know you are, and I understand that. But I swear to goodness, if you ever interrupt me again, I will LEVEL THIS WHOLE F***ING ORCHARD!" he Exploded. Applejack (and Twilight) stared at him in shock. The fire in James's eyes went out as he cleared his throat. His expression went neutral again, and his voice returned to its level tone. "That was an outburst, I don't wanna do that. But please, for both of our benefit, don't cut me off anymore."

And with that, he turned to leave... and nearly bumped into Conscience, who just showed up. He caught himself, though, and moved around him to continue on his way.

Conscience wasn't even really paying attention to anything until he almost bumped into him. He was subconsciously looking at the trees that surrounded him. Thus, he didn't notice the state that James was in. He finally looked over at the girls.

"Oh, hey, Twilight!" he waved Cheerfully, unaware of the frozen state she was in. "Did Applejack agree to let us help her yet?"

This comment managed to break said mare out of her shock. "No, no, no! How many times, do Ah gotta say it? Ah don't need no help from nopony!"

And then that comment snapped Twilight out of it. "Ugh. That pony is as stubborn as a mule." She stopped when she heard a familiar sound. "No offense," she smiled politely at the mule, who happened to be standing there next to her.

"None taken," he replied.

Conscience took this opportunity to get his drum set and play another ba-dum tss.

[Meanwhile...]

James was standing among a giant crowd of baby bunnies. He was going to head back to Twilight's to read a book, hopefully to calm himself down. But he crossed paths with an adorable sight of little fuzzy animals. They seemed to be minding their business, and not doing anything out of line. So he thought 'why not?'

Upon first arriving, the bunnies seemed shy, keeping their distance from him. James hadn't done anything since he showed up, barely moving a muscle. Eventually, one little white bunny was brave enough to actually approach him. It sniffed at his leg, and then looked James in the eyes. James had decently long arms, so he barely had to stoop down to pet the bunny's head.

The small creature accepted his affection, and rubbed his head along James's hand. James then proceeded to pick it up with his right hand, miraculously getting no protest from it. He then placed it on his left hand to continue stroking its fur. None of the other bunnies even gave him a second glance, probably because he was so still. But he was fine with that. He was used to not being paid any mind, as sad as that sounds.

Subconsciously petting the bunny's back continuously, James sighed, a contented smile on his face. "I'm glad I decided to stay here, I feel better already."

And then he heard a soft, welcoming voice. "Oh, Applejack, thank you so much for offering your herding skills for the annual rabbit roundup." He turned his head to the side to see Fluttershy... and her. Looking cranky, no less.

"...I spoke too soon," James deadpanned. He gently placed the bunny back on the ground before he headed in their direction. Though they hadn't noticed him yet.

"Ugh. Why, are we doin' this?" Applejack asked, sounding annoyed.

Fluttershy continued to smile, apparently oblivious to the orange mare's testy demeanor. "Well, lots of new baby bunnies have been born, so it's my job to get a count of all the new families."

"Fine. Can we just get on with it?" Applejack asked impatiently as she walked ahead.

"Certainly, but remember, these are bunnies we're dealing with, not cows. They're a timid bunch and need to be treated gently."

"Ah do not need any direction on corrallin' critters. Right, Winona?" Applejack asked the dog walking right next to her. Winona barked in agreement with a chipper attitude.

By this point, James had caught up with them. "Hi, Fluttershy," James greeted. Fluttershy yelped as she whirled around to face the source of the new voice. "It's just me, Fluttershy," he assured patiently.

Fluttershy eased up and smiled. "Oh. Hello, James. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing alright, thanks for asking," James nodded. It didn't go unnoticed by him that she was the only one of their friends to ask him that question today. She was so considerate. "Not gonna lie, they sure are adorable," he looked at them all over the place.

"Aren't they!" Fluttershy 'exclaimed' in agreement. "I just love tending to them." They approached a few bunnies. "Okay, little bunnies. I need you to all gather here in the middle."

The bunnies smiled, looking as if they were going to comply... but then Applejack stepped in. "That's right. Let's go, bunnies! In the center! Hop to it," she demanded, causing the bunnies to immediately scurry away. James noticed that Applejack unintentionally cracked a pun, but didn't say anything. "Swell. Just swell," she complained to herself before running after them. "Put 'em up, Winona!" she called. Sure enough, Winona did her job well. She stayed on their tails, luring them out of their hiding spots.

"Applejack, Winona, stop! You're scaring them!" Fluttershy frowned at the critters trying to escape the two advancing partners in crime.

Applejack would hear none of it. "We know what we're doin'. Get along, little bunnies!"

With little difficulty, she and Winona managed to corner them against the fence. "Great, their practically piled on top of each other," James said sarcastically as the two predators creeped up on their 'prey', "How are we supposed to count them accurately?"

A sudden loud noise caused him to flinch so hard, that he almost punched himself in the face. The noise also caused the bunnies to scurry past everyone.

"Son of a bitch pudding...," James cursed quietly as he scratched the back of his head.

"I'm telling you, Twilight. We should just put her to sleep without her knowing, and then work inconspicuously on a schmall part of the orchard. Then she'll be rested enough to finish the rest of it, and not cause any more problems in town. Everyone wins!" Conscience threw his hands up triumphantly at his idea. "There is a sleeping spell, right?"

"Yes, there is. But I haven't learned it," Twilight shook her head. "And even if I did know it, I still wouldn't use it. I'm not gonna force Applejack into something just because she's stubborn and independent."

"Fine, suit yourself," Conscience Epic Shrugged. He turned around, however, when he heard Twilight gasp. He followed her gaze to see three familiar ponies sprawled on the ground in front of them. "Oh. ...Sh** just got dark," he blinked.

Conscience wasn't sure if the ponies heard him, or Twilight's gasp, but they actually got up. "The horror, the horror!" the white, wildberry mane-colored mare on the right spoke up.

"It was awful!" the magenta, yellow-maned mare on the left lifted her head.

"A disaster. A horrible, horrible disaster," the slightly different magenta-coated, light green-maned mare in the middle said.

Twilight looked at the town. It was quiet, everything looked alright. "...I don't get it," Twilight frowned.

"Our gardens, destroyed," the second mare ran to a small field, which held little of what used to be flowers.

"Every last flower devoured," the first one looked at some pots, the contained dirt supporting stems with no petals on the end.

The last pony finished. "By... by... them!" she pointed a hoof in front of her. There were several bunnies munching on any different form of vegetation they could get their paws on. Fluttershy was frantically trying to get them to stop.

"Alright. Enough is enough," Twilight narrowed her eyes.

James came from out of nowhere and stood next to Twilight. "I don't even know how it got to this point."

"I know, right? I thought these three got violated, or something!" Conscience gestured to the three mares.

The good news? Neither Twilight nor said mares heard Conscience. The bad news? James did. He turned his head so slowly (Conscience could've sworn he heard creaking), that it took at least five whole seconds for Conscience to actually come into his vision.

"What...?" Conscience defended. "I'm serious! I really thought they we--"

*SMACK!*

It happened so fast, no one saw it coming. Time seem to slow down so much, that it nearly stopped, as James's palm crossed Conscience's cheek. Conscience could feel his head being forced to his right in slow motion. It felt like a whole second, but in reality, it was merely a tenth of a second, before time went back to normal.

*BOOM*

Conscience (almost Explosively) shot into the sky from the force of James's hand, spinning uncontrollably. James noticed when he was seemingly at least a couple hundred feet in the air, an air cone started to build up around him, as if he could form a tornado any moment. Though he and James new better, that was never the case. At least... they never hit someone that hard for it to come to that point in the first place.

He turned around, to see Twilight, a look of confusion contorted on her face. "What was that for?" she asked.

"Oh, you know. He was reaching irrational conclusions from obvious context. So I Tornado Slapped him," James replied casually.

James noticed there was a lack of commotion that was just going on behind him a second ago. He turned to see the rabbits were nowhere in sight. The only evidence of anything occurring, besides the dug up and unfinished plants, was a cowering Fluttershy, whose lower body was shakily sticking out of a thick bush.

He walked over to her and called her name. "Fluttershy?" Fluttershy peeked out of the bush at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Oh, James, is it gone?" she asked timidly.

"Is what gone?" James asked, sincerely confused.

"I don't know what it was. I was trying to get the baby bunnies to listen to me. But then something made this loud sound, and it startled me. Not to mention the bunnies. Oh, I hope they didn't go too far," she looked around in worry.

"So do I. They shouldn't have gotten too far. If anything they should still be in town somewhere."

"Well, maybe you're right...," she pondered. "I should look for them."

"Alright. You need any help before I leave?"

"Well... I guess not... I mean... if that's okay with you."

"Perfectly fine!" James smiled Cheerfully. "I'll be around if you need help." By the time he walked back over to Twilight, his neutral expression was back. "Let's end this."

Applejack's breath was labored as she tiredly bucked at a tree at the top of a hill. "Must... keep... buckin'.... Just... a few... more. Must finish harvestin'..."

"Alright, Applejack," Twilight spoke sternly as she and James approached the farm pony. "Your apple-bucking hasn't just caused you problems, it's over-propelled pegasus, practically poisoned plenty of ponies, and terrorized bushels of brand new bouncing baby bunnies. I don't care what you say. You, need, help."

"What was that alliteration for?" James raised an eyebrow, causing Twilight to blush.

Applejack kicked the tree one last time, causing the last of its apples to fall into the basket. "Ha. No Ah don't. Look, Ah did it! Ah harvested the entire Sweet Apple Acres, without your help." James and Twilight looked ahead, to see a vast plethora of fruitless tress. "How d'ya like them apples?"

James furrowed his eyebrows. Whether or not she completed the task, it bothered him how she was seemingly trying to rub her achievement in their faces. He never liked gloating. But if he ever happened to outshine an irritating braggart, he'd gloat in the most harsh way possible. He'd be angry as f*ck when he did it, but that made it all the more satisfying.

He was about to speak his mind about her smug attitude, when someone else beat him to it. "Um... how do you like them apples?" Big Macintosh gestured with his eyes to a different part of the field after practically appearing out of nowhere. Applejack followed his gaze, and immediately her eyes widened. There was a large sh*tload of trees, still dotted with their trademark fruit.

She mumbled incomprehensible words as her eyes began to roll around in her head. James's expression went flat when she fell on her side, unconscious.

"Goodness damn it, Applejack," he Facewhipped.

Applejack's senses were slowly rebooting. Her ears were having the most progress. "Applejack? Applejack," she heard a voice call her name. As she opened her eyes, her blurry vision cleared to see Twilight standing above her.

"...Huh?" she eventually let out a verbal response.

A relieved smile appeared on Twilight's face. "Oh, good. You're awake." That was all she got out before--

KLPOW!

James was right next to her. He had a mildly stressed expression on his face. His voice was calm. "Alright, look. I believe I speak for all of us when I say this has gone on far too long. It's hurting everyone, including yourself. I am personally, to put it bluntly, sick and f***ing tired of cleaning up after your mistakes." His expression softened as she frowned at the trees still adorned with apples. "We hate seeing you like this. And I know you aren't too fond of it either. So can you please let us do something about it?"

Applejack closed her eyes. "...Okay."

Twilight replied without missing a beat. "We're not taking 'no' for an answer-- what?" her mind processed the cowpony's words.

"Yes, Twilight. Yes, please," she put her hooves together as if she was begging. "I could really use your help."

Twilight chuckled before she and James let out a sigh of relief. Although James's was more like half relief, half exasperation.

Dear Princess Celestia,

My friend Applejack is the best friend a pony could ever have, and she's always there to help anypony. The only trouble is, when she needs help, she finds it hard to accept it, so while friendship is about giving of ourselves to friends, it's also about accepting what our friends have to offer.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

Applejack's best friends were all in the fields, helping with the harvest. Rainbow bucked a tree, the apples falling into the waiting cart attached to Pinkie's back. Rarity carried some saddle baskets full of apples to where they needed to be. (How the f*ck Fluttershy got the apples to fall out of the intended tree and into her cart, without seemingly doing anything, I have no idea.)

James (and Conscience, who conveniently landed on the farm no too long after they started) had his hammer, and was also helping relieve the trees of their fruit. Of course, he wanted to check something with Applejack first.

***

Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow, and Fluttershy had all shown up to help with the orchard. As they began to scatter to work on various parts of the field, James caught Applejack before she got too far.

"Applejack," he called.

"Yeah?" she turned around. He walked up to her.

"Do me a favor, could you."

"And what's that?" she raised an eyebrow.

"I need you to kick me."

Applejack processed the words slowly. James had to admit that her reaction was rather well. She deadpanned at him, her tone flat. "...What?"

"I don't want to hit the tree so hard to the point where it'll break. And if I'm true to myself, I don't wanna waste our time adjusting my power depending on how many apples fall. So... I need you to kick me."

She frowned with a pause. "James... Ah ain't gonna do that," she shook her head.

"Come on, just one time, that's it."

"Ah just don't wanna hurt you..."

"I'll be fine, Ajax. I can take a hit! Don't worry about it."

"...Are you really sure you want me to do this...?"

"Yes. Help me help you by hitting me as hard as you'd hit a tree," James nodded.

Hesitantly, Applejack turned around. "Alright.... You asked fer this...." she reared her legs back.

James put his hands behind his back. "Ready when you are," he braced himself.

Applejack turned her head away as she shut her eyes. Then she shot her legs back.

BAM!

A grunt was forced out of James as he was sent flying against a tree. Luckily for them, the only one nearby was Rarity. ...Or maybe that was a bad thing...?

"Good gracious! Are you alright, darling?" she exclaimed as she ran over to help James up. "What was that for, Applejack?"

"A-Ah'm sorry!" the orange earth pony panicked. "He asked me to do it!"

Rarity looked at James as he stood up. "Is this true, James?"

"Yes. Yes it was," he catch-phrased while dusting himself off before he directed a reassuring smile to Applejack. "See? Was that so hard?"

(After that, he hit Conscience with the same amount of force as Applejack, so he knew how hard to hit the tree. Conscience, on his part, was rather relieved. It was probably the first time he wasn't hit so Violently by James that day.)

***

Applejack came over with a cart full of beverages. "How about y'all take a little break? Ah got some fine apple juice waitin' for ya!" she called out. "James, girls, Ah can't thank you enough for this help." she frowned while looking downward as her friends walked up to her. "Ah was acting a, bit stubborn..."

"A bit?" Twilight smirked at the farm pony, while James just deadpanned at her.

Applejack smiled nervously. "Okay. A mite stubborn. And Ah'm awful sorry."

"Sheesh, Ajax, we already forgave you! You're gonna end up makin' me cry over here," James chuckled, despite being serious.

"And Ah'm grateful. Really, Ah am. Now, I know the town gave me... and James," she added as an afterthought, "the Prized Pony award. But the real award, is having--"

"CELERY!!" Conscience suddenly shouted. All the girls looked startled by the outburst (as well as Spike, who was just entering the scene, figuratively speaking), especially Fluttershy, while James just frowned at him. And that somehow bore down on him worse than any death stare he or James ever threw at each other.

"...Sorry," he wilted.

"...It's fine, Conscience," James facepalmed.

"Phew. That apple-bucking sure made me hungry," Rainbow said, breaking the tension.

"And I got the perfect treat," Spike smiled as he held up--

"What in the f***!" James and Conscience exclaimed in unison.

"Eew, Spike, I threw those all away," Pinkie recoiled from the monstrosity that were the muffins. "Where'd you get them?"

"From the trash!" Spike answered.

"EEW!" the girls blanched while--

POP!

Conscience Pop Fainted.

"Just a little nibble? Come on," Spike pressed as they all left. Everyone uttered their disagreement. James particularly rushed to the front of the group. He was sick of looking at those.

...No pun intended.

[Ending Song]

Author's Note

Me: Well, that was a bittersweet finish.
Conscience: As far as we're concerned...
Me: *sighs deeply and shoots self in the head*

Blue Star: They do know comments are appreciated, right?
Conscience: *jumps and turns around in surprise* When the f*ck did you get here!?"
Blue Star: T_T ...You guys said I could draw in the corner while you worked?
Conscience: ...Oh, yeah...